Another man loves my wife

When a fuck buddy becomes something more.
User avatar
co-husband
Player
Posts: 436
Joined: Wed Dec 10, 2014 10:34 am
Contact:

Re: Another man loves my wife

Unread post by co-husband » Sun Jan 18, 2015 10:46 am

Thanks to all for your comments. I DO have an update to share.

You may recall that back in November, Brian had invited Juli to go with him to a city 4 hours away to a dinner theater (an overnight invitation) and Juli turned him down. Well, I had the idea this week that with Valentine's Day coming up, I talked to Juli about inviting Brian to go with us to the city, and he and Juli could go to the dinner theater that night alone, and then the next night Juli and I could have a romantic date. This is Brian's first Valentine's Day alone since his divorce, so I approached it has we would be helping him...and Juli loved the idea! She called Brian and it is now arranged. All 3 of us will go away for that weekend, stay in the same hotel.

I didn't want to push too hard, so I didn't mention that she could go back to Brian's room after the theater, but of course I will talk to them both about that the closer we get to Valentine's Day. I am both excited and nervous! But I feel that my cuckold experience actually may happen!

Bubbajack I understand your thoughts, and honestly I have had the same thinking at times too. I've not been able to totally reconcile the fact that they keep meeting alone on lunch dates but haven't had sex yet. However, I know Juli very well. I do believe that she views Brian as a very close friend. I think she has enjoyed helping him emotionally through a very hard time in his life, and I do think she has enjoyed his attention. I also can tell that Brian would love to have my wife in bed but I really don't think he has yet. And IF I am wrong and find out that they have had sex already, I will not be mad at all. Just a bit disappointed if I wasn't able to enjoy knowing that he has had her. But I really don't think that's the case. I DO think that Valentine's Day may be the best opportunity all 3 of us have to enter the world of hotwifing.

I'll keep you posted, but that is the latest development.

Mark
Officially became a husband of a hotwife on February 13, 2015!

bubbajack

Re: Another man loves my wife

Unread post by bubbajack » Sun Jan 18, 2015 1:08 pm

co-husband wrote:Thanks to all for your comments. I DO have an update to share.

You may recall that back in November, Brian had invited Juli to go with him to a city 4 hours away to a dinner theater (an overnight invitation) and Juli turned him down. Well, I had the idea this week that with Valentine's Day coming up, I talked to Juli about inviting Brian to go with us to the city, and he and Juli could go to the dinner theater that night alone, and then the next night Juli and I could have a romantic date. This is Brian's first Valentine's Day alone since his divorce, so I approached it has we would be helping him...and Juli loved the idea! She called Brian and it is now arranged. All 3 of us will go away for that weekend, stay in the same hotel.

I didn't want to push too hard, so I didn't mention that she could go back to Brian's room after the theater, but of course I will talk to them both about that the closer we get to Valentine's Day. I am both excited and nervous! But I feel that my cuckold experience actually may happen!

Bubbajack I understand your thoughts, and honestly I have had the same thinking at times too. I've not been able to totally reconcile the fact that they keep meeting alone on lunch dates but haven't had sex yet. However, I know Juli very well. I do believe that she views Brian as a very close friend. I think she has enjoyed helping him emotionally through a very hard time in his life, and I do think she has enjoyed his attention. I also can tell that Brian would love to have my wife in bed but I really don't think he has yet. And IF I am wrong and find out that they have had sex already, I will not be mad at all. Just a bit disappointed if I wasn't able to enjoy knowing that he has had her. But I really don't think that's the case. I DO think that Valentine's Day may be the best opportunity all 3 of us have to enter the world of hotwifing.

I'll keep you posted, but that is the latest development.

Mark
The Valentine's Day plan sounds smart and exciting for sure. And I am reassured by your having puzzled over it a bit that if it turns out they have had sex and lied to you about it, you probably won't go off your head. There almost certainly would not be any need to take that revelation as a catastrophe - it's just that many people do. And the implications of all the lying does tend to make subsequent communications awkward.

I am relieved that your confidence in her has not completely ruled out the possibility that they are lovers already. You obviously love her, but that doesn’t mean your brain turns off after she has finished telling you the facts she would prefer that you know. ;)

User avatar
co-husband
Player
Posts: 436
Joined: Wed Dec 10, 2014 10:34 am
Contact:

Re: Another man loves my wife

Unread post by co-husband » Mon Jan 19, 2015 3:55 am

Bubbajack, yes you're right, IF I find that they have already had sex, I will not be angry at all, just feel disappointed as I mentioned in my last note. Disappointed that I would have missed out on my first cuckold experience, but I really do believe that Juli would talk to me before they did anything physical. I also believe that this Valentine trip has a lot of potential for the sex to finally happen. It finally occurred to me that Juli may feel much better about going away with Brian if I was at least along (maybe as a chaperone) so it wouldn't feel so much like cheating. If they had gone alone in November I think it would have just been too early for her emotionally to sleep with Brian overnight. I get the feeling that now she may be ready, and I will be there as a failsafe in case she feels that she still isn't ready, she can come to my bed after the theater OR go to Brian's bed.

I feel really good about this idea and having the situation where we will be overnight in the same hotel with Brian. Then it will be Juli's choice which man she sleeps with that night.

Mark
Officially became a husband of a hotwife on February 13, 2015!

User avatar
D+D
OHW Addict
Posts: 2169
Joined: Fri Feb 25, 2011 11:44 am
Location: Tx

Re: Another man loves my wife

Unread post by D+D » Mon Jan 19, 2015 6:35 am

You are entering into just what you wanted...a co-husband relationship. A woman going on an out of town trip with the two men in her life. If this is what you really want, the three of you are very lucky people.

Wookie

Re: Another man loves my wife

Unread post by Wookie » Mon Jan 19, 2015 7:40 am

I'm going to make an observation that your actions and what their relationship is evolving into isn't completely in sync with your stated desired outcome. This is building into a poly relationship, and not one where an ill-defined and contained "weekly mercy fuck" would play a role. This is evolving into something where the night at the dinner will be an indicator or maybe better described as a prescient microcosm of what this is building into -- something where Juli is sharing two men almost equally. They're building their emotional love before building their sexual love.

Introduction of sexual love is going to strengthen their emotional love and create bonds that didn't exist before. So what I'm getting at, if Juli is talking to him 2-3 hours a day emotionally, then that isn't going to go away. Introduction of a sex bond is going to increase what they have going. Also introduction of sex isn't going to be this hot hotwife thing, it's going to be something between two lovers.... which as D+D says, if that's what you want, then go for it. However one of the reasons I think a few people, myself included, have voiced a level of concern is that there seem to be a few discrepencies and a level of wishcasting which may not be productive,

User avatar
D+D
OHW Addict
Posts: 2169
Joined: Fri Feb 25, 2011 11:44 am
Location: Tx

Re: Another man loves my wife

Unread post by D+D » Mon Jan 19, 2015 7:52 am

Yes, I agree with wookie. To begin with, you wanted poly. Then you begin to reconsider. You've allowed an extremely strong emotional bond to develop in order to satisfy your desires for sharing your lovely wife. This trip is totally a poly type adventure in my view because of their emotional bond, which I imagine has been re-enforced by some passionate kissing as well as the hand holding that you have witnessed. This is all great if this is what you now want...to be a co-husband as your handle on here implies. I wish you the best and want you to find what you want. Just hope you've decided what you want.
Last edited by D+D on Mon Jan 19, 2015 8:18 am, edited 1 time in total.

Wookie

Re: Another man loves my wife

Unread post by Wookie » Mon Jan 19, 2015 8:08 am

Well said D+D you helped me boil down what I was trying to say, which was:

In a poly relationship such as the one that this is growing into, you are not going to retain much 'control' over Juli. Her love relationship with Brian will be as loving as yours. Now, there can certainly be rules of engagement, etc but what I'm getting at is that you've seemed to map this out and what you're building this into is the type of arrangement that, almost by definition, can't be mapped.

It's also the type of arrangement that isn't one that will allow you to pump the breaks on or stop easily, unlike 90% of Hotwife relationships (which is mostly be design). It is incredibly complex and putting at stop to it once it starts will possibly leave you in a worse position then than you were in before. Now is the time to be planning, accommodating for any emotional surprises, OVER communicating (particularly with Brian), prepping Your marriage, establishing ground rules, etc etc etc

User avatar
co-husband
Player
Posts: 436
Joined: Wed Dec 10, 2014 10:34 am
Contact:

Re: Another man loves my wife

Unread post by co-husband » Tue Jan 20, 2015 7:58 am

Thank you for your comments. I so much appreciate them all.
I admit I am still learning about the lifestyle, and I may vacillate between terms such as "hotwife" or "poly" etc but I think I'm understanding each one better than I did when I first began to post here. I have all of you to thank for a great education in the lifestyle.
I do believe that Juli would not have sex with another man without first having some sort of an emotional bond with him, and it's obvious that Juli and Brian have that emotional bond. So it seems the foundation is laid for things to progress.

The things you have written are frankly very sobering, and I guess that's a good thing for me. I've decided that I will talk openly with Juli this week and just lay it all out regarding what has been on my mind for her and Brian. Then if Juli doesn't veto everything, before the Valentine's weekend date, I will want Juli and I both to sit down with Brian so we all three will be on the same page before we go together to the city.

Mark
Officially became a husband of a hotwife on February 13, 2015!

User avatar
D+D
OHW Addict
Posts: 2169
Joined: Fri Feb 25, 2011 11:44 am
Location: Tx

Re: Another man loves my wife

Unread post by D+D » Tue Jan 20, 2015 12:40 pm

Very wise thing to do, I think. Good luck.

Wookie

Re: Another man loves my wife

Unread post by Wookie » Tue Jan 20, 2015 2:38 pm

Just remember, whatever designs you have will likely be inconsistent with what Brian has in mind. There may be nothing ulterior (although there could be) but this is the one time you need to establish your dominance. Not being a douche of course, this will require all of you guys in tune. But when talking with him just say stuff like 'we decided'. Ultimately he needs to accept he is a third wheel, and will never be more than that. You probably understand that isn't what he's dreaming about right now.

Obviously needs to be done with more tact than im conveying here, but there definitely needs to be an undertone of "you fuck up and you're out". More than anything it's not a dick move but just avoiding sidestepping bullshit and getting to the heart of the matter.

User avatar
lagercandle2014
Experienced
Posts: 133
Joined: Wed Aug 27, 2014 12:52 am
Location: UK N/E England

Re: Another man loves my wife

Unread post by lagercandle2014 » Tue Jan 20, 2015 10:29 pm

Well said Wookie this what I have been trying to tell Mark all along, Brian has his own ideas on this and I think Julie is maybe a little frightened/concerned on how this will end.

Mark you need to be the stronger person here to control the situation and get Julie on board with you on how far you will both be happy to let things go for the sake of the marriage, which has to be paramount in whatever the two of you decide, then explain to Brian how it's going to be from both you and Julie's decision/viewpoint and make it very clear as Wookie said " YOU FUCK UP and YOU'RE OUT".

Good luck my friend and stay decisive.

Regards LC
I'm the boss in our house, and I have the wifes permission to say so!

Wookie

Re: Another man loves my wife

Unread post by Wookie » Wed Jan 21, 2015 12:00 am

It's also why Juli may ultimately resist. Right now there isn't a clear path to Brian bring out of her life, so the introduction of sex will be a risk that she may not want to risk. She's a big girl and can make her own decisions, and it's important for Mark to let her make her own on this one

By not communicating openly thus far, Mark has allowed an emotional affair to develop where he may or may not let one previously, were it not for his desire to see her with another man. Unfortunately for him he won't be able to put the breaks on this if the sharing part doesn't work out as it will just seem like bitter grapes. Sex is an incredible bonding agent but by losing control of stopping the EA on his own terms, Mark is assuming a slight amount of risk. Sex isn't the only bonding agent. Bonds can be positive things or negative things depending on their nature, I'm not suggesting it would be bad for any reason other than just making sure that Mark was out there in front of them either way.

User avatar
D+D
OHW Addict
Posts: 2169
Joined: Fri Feb 25, 2011 11:44 am
Location: Tx

Re: Another man loves my wife

Unread post by D+D » Wed Jan 21, 2015 5:59 am

Wookie wrote:It's also why Juli may ultimately resist. Right now there isn't a clear path to Brian bring out of her life, so the introduction of sex will be a risk that she may not want to risk. She's a big girl and can make her own decisions, and it's important for Mark to let her make her own on this one

By not communicating openly thus far, Mark has allowed an emotional affair to develop where he may or may not let one previously, were it not for his desire to see her with another man. Unfortunately for him he won't be able to put the breaks on this if the sharing part doesn't work out as it will just seem like bitter grapes. Sex is an incredible bonding agent but by losing control of stopping the EA on his own terms, Mark is assuming a slight amount of risk. Sex isn't the only bonding agent. Bonds can be positive things or negative things depending on their nature, I'm not suggesting it would be bad for any reason other than just making sure that Mark was out there in front of them either way.
Mark, please read carefully what wookie has said. This is so right. This talk IS necessary and the sooner the better.

Wookie

Re: Another man loves my wife

Unread post by Wookie » Wed Jan 21, 2015 7:01 am

I apologize for the spelling and the grammatical errors. I'm usually not that freaking illiterate!

(going from an iPhone 6+ to Android MotoX will also do that to a guy)

bubbajack

Re: Another man loves my wife

Unread post by bubbajack » Wed Jan 21, 2015 10:42 am

The latest comments seem very cogent to me. They have shifted my own focus away from what effects might ensue if Mark were to discover that Juli and Brian are already acquainted sexually.

Wookie, et al., have made me think more about how Mark should go about setting up his desired new marital arrangements and, more importantly, whether he should try to move things further down that path at all.

For what it's worth, I think Mark may be working at realizing two incompatible aims, namely, to be a "co-husband" to Juli along with Brian and also to maintain a status in the menage that preserves his personal "control" of the relationship dynamics going forward at the same level of effective control as he has in the two-person marriage.

To be sure, he hasn't talked much about whatever views he has on this second point, but he seemed a bit shocked and alarmed when Wookie smacked him with it. :cool: Obviously status of the three parties relative to one another is a crucial consideration (unless one is simply jonesing to watch one's wife fuck a guy - a mind-obscuring feeling I fully understand, of course :oops: ) and I have a couple of observations to float:

First, we have no idea yet if Juli and/or Brian want a sexual relationship at all, let alone one that has a formal decisive role for Mark as part of its terms. The facts of what they desire need to be surfaced somehow, and right away - or at least before any sex between them with Mark's knowledge and consent takes place. If they don't want it, why would Mark want to arrange it, except for his own enjoyment?

Second, more generally, shouldn't a two-man/one-woman poly proposal be originated by the woman? Seems to me that she is going to be (and in my opinion should be) the party most in charge of assigning status and responsibilities among the triad.

I think Mark can bring it up to Juli, but only in the mode of indicating his willingness that there be a sexual triad if she wishes along with his willingness to do as she thinks best if thatis the way she wants to go.

bradisalpha
OHW Addict
Posts: 2167
Joined: Wed Apr 28, 2010 8:23 pm

Re: Another man loves my wife

Unread post by bradisalpha » Wed Jan 21, 2015 11:34 am

Bubbajack, agreed !! What I think from reading mark's posts is that his dream is to be the submissive cucold husband for Juli to use as she sees fit. He has put brian and Juli together as a friend for Brian and his problems hoping that the relationship will develop into a sexual relationship that will allow his submissive tendencies to come to life. Once this develops as he dreams, all three parties will be happy ... Brian will have a hot wife to love ... Juli will have a bull to satisfy her sexual desires ... And mark will be the cuckold husband at home waiting for his hot wife to guide him to his destiny. I believe this is workable as long as no one pushes too fast or too hard and let the scenario settle in by itself. All mark is doing is setting the table ... Hoping they will sit and eat !!!
Read my Bio: "Brad.. from the beginning" ...
http://ourhotwives.org/forum/viewtopic.php?f=8&t=45313

Sissy Cuckold Club...
viewtopic.php?f=8&t=45930

User avatar
D+D
OHW Addict
Posts: 2169
Joined: Fri Feb 25, 2011 11:44 am
Location: Tx

Re: Another man loves my wife

Unread post by D+D » Wed Jan 21, 2015 5:45 pm

I do not think that Mark sees himself as such or desires to be in that submissive, third wheel position. But alas! Only Mark knows for sure.

bubbajack

Re: Another man loves my wife

Unread post by bubbajack » Wed Jan 21, 2015 6:58 pm

D+D wrote:I do not think that Mark sees himself as such or desires to be in that submissive, third wheel position. But alas! Only Mark knows for sure.
I agree - seems Mark may be pulling back, wisely, in my view, because he is now considering the range of adjustments in roles, rules and relations among the three which could be set in motion if he is the one who engineers Juli and Brian's having a sexual relationship.

Seems a slowdown by Mark would be a good idea about now ... :|

Wookie

Re: Another man loves my wife

Unread post by Wookie » Thu Jan 22, 2015 1:15 am

Yeah ultimately by accepting the emotional affair first he has likely shoehorned himself into a few likely outcomes. The Shakeaperean Tragedy of it all is that co-husband's least optimal outcome is one of the co-husbanding variety.

I'm not one for suggesting things unless I know folks, but this seems to be a case that is our hero, Mark, would like to remain in the primary seat (firmly) that he finds a way to introduce Juli to foreign cock before committing to Brian. Call it a practice run or whatever, but the most important thing it would do would be to force Juli's perspective of extramarital sex to be seen through the lens of your marriage.

Where things can go off the track is when your spouses perspective readjusts to someone else. That readjustment can take many forms (love, trust, emotional pillar, confidant, etc). Mkreso than the sex, this is where I suspect that Mark has little desire to outsource to Brian as a new 'primary'. Since those things are already happening, introducing the ultimate biological accelerant for those emotions, sex, will grow those other raw emotions if left unchecked.

Leaving those raw emotions unchecked is difficult because they are difficult to stop, hard to define, hard to gauge and once they pass a certain point, well that horse ain't being put back into the barn. Some marriages where both individuals desire a true polyamory this might be fine for, but for the disproportionate amount of people, even here, I think that the husbands have a strong desire to remain their wive's primary partner in life.

I don't mean to shit all over Mark's parade here, I do think that he can reach his end goal. However given the situation, reaching the end goal and also having his own marriage be in a better place is the real challenge that a lot of people miss. It sounds like he has a great marriage which can take a few punches to the jaw, so he has that going for him.

User avatar
D+D
OHW Addict
Posts: 2169
Joined: Fri Feb 25, 2011 11:44 am
Location: Tx

Re: Another man loves my wife

Unread post by D+D » Thu Jan 22, 2015 8:40 pm

I don't really think from what we've been told about Julie that she would be interested in someone besides Brian at this point. I feel that they are way past that possibility and the suggestion of such could cause problems. At this point it has to be Brian or no one. If this is all called off because Mark or Julie or both decide to stop it and Julie and Brian quit texting and visiting, maybe someday she could be with someone else.

User avatar
co-husband
Player
Posts: 436
Joined: Wed Dec 10, 2014 10:34 am
Contact:

Re: Another man loves my wife

Unread post by co-husband » Fri Jan 23, 2015 4:17 am

Thank you all again for your comments....

Bradisalpha, yes you're right, ... I can't wait until our Valentine's day trip hoping that Brian and Juli will move closer to having sex and fulfill my dreams of being a cuckold husband (as I understand that term). I don't have any desire to move in together. Using the word "poly" in my first postings may have given everyone the wrong impression but as i explained, I didn't really understand the different meanings of "poly" and "cuckold", etc, until all of you corrected me. It really turns me on that Brian wants to fuck my wife and I want that to happen very badly .. I guess I do want to be cuckolded.
I have had that fantasy for years, and now I think it may happen because of the feelings that Juli has for Brian.

I don't even really care if they tell me the details of their sex when/if they have it, as long as they are both enjoying an emotional and sexual relationship together, and as long as Juli comes home to me. I have mentioned before that I have submissive tendancies. Well maybe they are a little stronger than I have l admitted even to myself. This forum as made me realize just how strongly I want to experience being a cuckold husband, and I am willing to take that as far as Brian and Juli take it.

And D+D, Wookie and Bubbajack are right about my marriage being strong. I have no concern about Juli leaving me for Brian, and I am confident that the reason Juli and Brian have not yet gone to bed with each other is that Juli also wants to protect our marriage. And I honestly believe that Brian does not have any desire to break up our marriage and make Juli his wife. I do however believe that Brian would LOVE to fuck Juli. To have her as a fuck buddy. So I really have a lot of hope riding on this Valentine's Day trip, that I may hopefully be setting the stage for all of us to dine at the sexual table where Brian can have my hotwife, Juli can enjoy her Bull, and I can have my cuckold husband experience.
Hope I'm not asking for too much! lol

Mark
Officially became a husband of a hotwife on February 13, 2015!

Wookie

Re: Another man loves my wife

Unread post by Wookie » Fri Jan 23, 2015 10:15 am

Then you seem to be on track for that. Just keep exercising care as there can be a fine like between cuckolding sexually and taking a back seat. You sound like a smart guy and I'm sure you'll be in front of everything. Your posting here is a testament to that.

Squirming69
Experienced
Posts: 212
Joined: Wed Jun 13, 2007 2:37 pm
Location: GA
Contact:

Re: Another man loves my wife

Unread post by Squirming69 » Sat Jan 24, 2015 5:20 am

Sounds very positive.
Imagination can be more important then knowledge so be careful what you ask for!

User avatar
co-husband
Player
Posts: 436
Joined: Wed Dec 10, 2014 10:34 am
Contact:

Re: Another man loves my wife

Unread post by co-husband » Wed Jan 28, 2015 10:14 am

Hi everyone...I wanted to give you some new information about our situation.

I had a very productive talk with Juli yesterday afternoon. I was open with her about things that have been on my mind and it really was a frank, open and informative talk. I know I won't remember verbatim what we said so I think I will give you the basic points, and then add some of my comments:

1. I learned that Juli and Brian have NOT discussed sex. She said the closest it came to that subject was back in November when Brian asked her to go overnight with him to a dinner theater. She said she told him then that she was "very married" to me and that going away overnight alone was "not a good idea". She said since then, Brian has not brought up the subject again.

2. Their friendship is close but she described it more as "talking with a girlfriend" when they meet for lunch. Not that Brian is effeminate, far from it, he is very masculine, but he is more of an outgoing personality than I am, and maybe more than most men. He likes to talk so he and Juli spend their time discussing a wide range of subjects. Juli enjoys meeting him because it brightens his week. He lives alone and I know he appreciates her spending time with him. I have told her many times that I'm glad she sees him, and she told me that she has shared my sentiments with Brian to assure him that I approve of their lunch dates.

3. I found out that Brian has been talking with a widow close to his age for the last 6 weeks. A woman he knew years ago whose husband passed away in 2012. Juli said they are not yet "dating" but just corresponding. So it appears Brian does not have plans to take my wife from me, but enjoys her daily texts and frequent phone calls, and her attention once a week over lunch. So while it's not totally platonic, its not as intimate as even I thought it might be getting.

However, I did let Juli know that I have a desire to and am willing to let Brian have physical contact with her. I lead into that by saying what I've said many times. That "I feel sorry for Brian being alone, and I'm sure he would enjoy being with you sometime rather than always sleeping alone". (here I was nervous about how she might react). She said..."Well he IS a man".
I took that to mean that she is not naïve, and that she understands that Brian (or any man) wouldn't turn down sex if she offered it to him.

So I think it turns out that reality as it usually is...somewhere between two extremes. On one hand my own sexual arousal and fantasy had them already in love and possibly sleeping together, but on the other extreme, sex is not an impossibility. I know Juli well enough that if she didn't recoil in horror from the idea of letting Brian enjoy sexual intimacy, then she is open to the idea. I think now with this Valentine's Day date coming up, I will mention to Brian that I am ok if Juli wants to go back to his room after their dinner date, and I will let Juli know the same thing, and just see what happens. I welcome your thoughts on this!

From reading the posts that many of you have already written previously, I think that knowing there is not an existing deeply romantic bond between Juli and Brian, actually makes the idea of a sexual relationship more of a realistic possibility. Am I thinking correctly?

Thanks!

Mark
Officially became a husband of a hotwife on February 13, 2015!

Wookie

Re: Another man loves my wife

Unread post by Wookie » Wed Jan 28, 2015 10:17 am

It sounds to me like Brian is firmly friend zoned and that Juli was entertaining you because she respects you too much to shoot you down.

I'm not sure how this can work out for you, but she does sound like a tremendous wife. You're a lucky dude.

Post Reply