My wife has fallen in love with my best friend

[D+D]

This all so hot and erotic. Reading it is intoxicating to say the least, but there's an element that is sad too. You see another man's ring on your wife's finger that you know she happily wears. I can imagine the angst that hit your guts as I've experienced that feeling.You smell a special perfume that was yours and hers, but now you find out that it's also hers and his. On the other hand Jen sees another woman who she can see is falling in love with her husband, who is fucking him in her bed, and who she can see is developing a real relationship with him. I can't imagine what she might have felt to know that her sister gave you something she never did. Did you tell her? All these things that you've experienced with her and Dan, jen is experiencing now. I'm a little sad that her first night home Jen is not staying with you.

[BigHotMess]

Wait....you’re not picking her up from the airport?

[54321]

Wow! A lot to process and a lot to discuss but I'm confident you'll come through.

54321

[mundyman]

Thanks for taking the time and effort to share. There is a lot here, holy cow!!
Your level of communication with Jen, Dan. And Deb is amazing and at such a level most can only hope to come close to it.
Thanks for sharing!!!

[Jcksatter]

With Jen gone this week, I think I would tell Dan he’s going to miss this weekend. But that’s just me.

[jane]

i hadn't followed this thread until i saw my husband comment on it. i have to say, just from my perspective and intuition, watch Deb carefully. with her flirtiness and competitiveness with her sister she might want to compete for Dan too.
and on the other hand with her in the picture occupying your time you may not be able to keep up with what's going on with dan and jen. he may be a good friend but he's said he loves jen and things may get out of hand there.

[curiouscouple122]

You are an incredible writer LG3.

I think what is misunderstood is what the true dynamic of the relationship is by many people, including Deb. The poly relationship you are enjoying requires a certain level of both emotional and relationship maturity that I don't think everyone has, either because of experiences or the way their minds work. At one point I had a co-worker make a comment to me, and he doesn't know my wife has a boyfriend, that he likes his coffee the same way he likes his women. "Without someone else's dick in it." I let that comment just go by the wayside. Some people just can't understand how this type of relationship dynamic makes us feel.

I agree with Jane in that things could get out of hand, and I remember in your writing earlier, that it might not be a good idea that she lived closer. I think you are right on the money with that. I had the feeling that in some ways she was trying to one-up her big sister by doing things she might not do. Even though it might be innocent I could tell from the level of detail in your writing that you were worried about hurting Jen by what you were saying. I could feel your hesitancy to put down into words what happened in private with Deb with the full knowledge that Jen may read that.

I am looking forward to hearing what you and Jen talked about on Sunday. I can imagine it was very stressful and I hope she is feeling okay. I can't imagine how you would move forward from this. I get the feeling from Deb that she gets a certain amount of satisfaction out of pleasing and pleasuring you in ways her sister might not. Though it's only sex, the emotions and feelings that come with it are not trivial.

Take care and I always look forward to your postings. All the best to you and yours. Merry Christmas!
CC112

[D+D]

i hadn't followed this thread until i saw my husband comment on it. i have to say, just from my perspective and intuition, watch Deb carefully. with her flirtiness and competitiveness with her sister she might want to compete for Dan too.
and on the other hand with her in the picture occupying your time you may not be able to keep up with what's going on with dan and jen. he may be a good friend but he's said he loves jen and things may get out of hand there.

What we've seen little of, if any on this thread, a woman's perspective, and a very qualified woman to comment at that. Much food for thought LG3. This is an intriguing idea and adventure, but I'm not sure that I could take it.

[luckyguy3]

You two probably haven't had much time to discuss the weekend at all, with her being gone helping your daughter. How are you three coordinating time during the holidays?

We had a marathon talk about the weekend and all the issues it brought up for both of us on Sunday night. Still wrestling with writing up that part of it. On Monday morning we were both pretty drained, not wanting to jump right into it again. Then later that day we heard from our daughter and suddenly we were changing all our plans and Jen was reserving flights, packing and rushing to get things done before heading out. We talked a little more before she left, but not nearly as intensely as we had Sunday night. Since she has been gone we have stayed in close touch by phone and email, but have not talked more about our poly relationship issues other than to agree that we have more talking to do when Jen gets home.

Interesting that you asked about the holiday coordination - that's a big issue at the moment. It is something that Dan, Jen and I originally agreed on quite a while ago. Plan was for Jen and Dan to have their Christmas this weekend with her staying with him thru Monday morning to give them an extra night together. But that all got upended when Jen had to fly out to help our daughter. We are still talking about it, for now the plan is for Dan to pick Jen up at the airport this evening, she spends the night in town, then comes home to me Sunday afternoon like usual. That does not give Dan and Jen much of a holiday. While she has been away I have been thinking about the idea of proposing a change in the schedule, specifically that once Jen gets home she stay with me until New Year's Eve and then have five days/nights with Dan until Sunday the 4th. That would allow them a longer time period together over New Year's.

It would also allow me to spend New Year's with Deb. As will be seen when I finally finish writing up the Sunday stuff, she has invited me out there. I'm honestly not sure what to do yet and am holding off making a decision until Jen and I can talk in person tomorrow.

[samlowen]

As D&D said, it's not a happy thought for me either that you aren't picking up Jen from the airport and that she is spending her first night back with Dan. It must be a strain on Jen as well, having the pattern altered, trying to find time for both of you. As you've acknowledged, this stuff isn't always fun in the sun. Wishing you the best right now.

[luckyguy3]

With Jen gone this week, I think I would tell Dan he’s going to miss this weekend. But that’s just me.

Thanks for the supportive thoughts from several of you who have expressed concern about Jen not coming home straight to me tonight. Jen and I have talked about it and Dan actually made that offer to me himself a couple of days ago. He and I got together for dinner on Thursday night, just the two of us. First time we have had that chance in a while, it was good for both of us. Talked about all sorts of stuff, including the dynamics of last weekend. Dan was sensitive to my situation and the stress Jen was under helping out our daughter. He offered to just skip this weekend with Jen entirely. I thanked him but told him I was good with Jen staying at his place Saturday night.

Sometimes I feel that I don't spend enough time in these posts writing about the strength of my friendship with Dan and my support for the relationship he has with my beloved wife. That compersion thing is very real for me. We usually think about compersion in terms of the husband supporting and feeling good about the wife's romantic involvement with another man. I certainly feel that for Jen. But I also feel compersion for Dan - I know how much he loves Jen, how much he values his time with her and how much happier and better his life is because Jen is in it. He is the only man I could ever imagine sharing Jen with in this way. From day one in this saga I have been happy for both Dan and Jen that they have this. We are all happier and our lives are better for it.

That's why I am ok with her being with him Saturday night, even though I am missing her right now. I am still the "primary", she spends most of her time with me. We have such a long history together and a family we are so proud of. I thank God for Jen every day of my life - I would be lost without her. My faith in her love for me is my bedrock.

[luckyguy3]

i hadn't followed this thread until i saw my husband comment on it. i have to say, just from my perspective and intuition, watch Deb carefully. with her flirtiness and competitiveness with her sister she might want to compete for Dan too.
and on the other hand with her in the picture occupying your time you may not be able to keep up with what's going on with dan and jen. he may be a good friend but he's said he loves jen and things may get out of hand there.

The sister competition was a real eye opener for me this weekend, and also something that Jen and I talked about Sunday night. In all the years I have been with Jen, I have thought of her and Deb as being really close. And they are. But there is a competition thing that goes way back to their childhood. It's not just Deb as the little sister trying to one up the big sister. Jen's part of the dynamic too. Truth is, Jen is a naturally competitive person. You can really see it in her athletic abilities, but it shows up in many areas of her life. It's just part of who she is and it has helped to drive her to many successes. So both sisters share responsibility for that dynamic.

At the moment I do not have any sense that Deb is competing for Dan. The flirting she was doing with Dan during our double date (and she was definitely flashing her breasts to him) seemed to me more of a statement of confidence in her own sexuality right now, showing off to Jen how she was feeling good about herself that way, rather than a play for Dan.

I have much more serious concerns about whether Deb is edging towards competing for me, or at least for more of my time and attention.

As to Dan and Jen, maybe I am too trusting a guy but I still have faith in both of them and the special relationship that the three of us share. Not worried about things getting out of hand there.

[luckyguy3]

You are an incredible writer LG3.

I think what is misunderstood is what the true dynamic of the relationship is by many people, including Deb. The poly relationship you are enjoying requires a certain level of both emotional and relationship maturity that I don't think everyone has, either because of experiences or the way their minds work. At one point I had a co-worker make a comment to me, and he doesn't know my wife has a boyfriend, that he likes his coffee the same way he likes his women. "Without someone else's dick in it." I let that comment just go by the wayside. Some people just can't understand how this type of relationship dynamic makes us feel.

I agree with Jane in that things could get out of hand, and I remember in your writing earlier, that it might not be a good idea that she lived closer. I think you are right on the money with that. I had the feeling that in some ways she was trying to one-up her big sister by doing things she might not do. Even though it might be innocent I could tell from the level of detail in your writing that you were worried about hurting Jen by what you were saying. I could feel your hesitancy to put down into words what happened in private with Deb with the full knowledge that Jen may read that.

I am looking forward to hearing what you and Jen talked about on Sunday. I can imagine it was very stressful and I hope she is feeling okay. I can't imagine how you would move forward from this. I get the feeling from Deb that she gets a certain amount of satisfaction out of pleasing and pleasuring you in ways her sister might not. Though it's only sex, the emotions and feelings that come with it are not trivial.

Take care and I always look forward to your postings. All the best to you and yours. Merry Christmas!
CC112

Thank you CC112 for the compliment about my writing. It's part of who I am, how I process things. Although I do it mostly for myself, it is heartening to receive acknowledgement like yours.

Couple of things in your comment I wanted to address. First, I could not agree more about the dynamic of the poly relationship. Many, if not most, people just don't get it, can't imagine how people could be happy and healthier for it. I think maturity is part of it, self confidence is another. But over time I have wondered if some of us are just hard wired somehow to have the capability to thrive in these situations while others are not. Could there be a "poly gene" or at least a 'non-monogamous" one? I have wondered sometimes.

As to your speculation that Deb was getting some satisfaction about pleasuring me in ways that Jen has not, all I can say is yes. No doubt that was happening, I could see it on Sunday morning. It was almost kinda cute in a way and it is nice to see Deb's sexuality thriving and self confidence blooming after some lonely years on her own. I am certainly reaping the benefits of it. But for me it is also a like a caution light, something to pay attention to. Because, as you said, though it may only be sex the feelings that come with it are far from trivial.

[mundyman]

Is Jen aware that Deb gave you something that she couldn’t or wouldn’t, but jen gives to Dan?
How does she feel about you having anal with Deb?

[norbertrichard1]

I love your story, and for my part, I have mixed feelings about your situation, but I have no opinion, but I am curious about the ring thing. Did Jen wear Dan's ring home, or did she leave it with Dan? Also when she flew to your daughter's assistance, , I assume that she was wearing your rings, and when she flys home, Dans going to pick her up, and she will be wering your rings, or maybe she carries Dans ring with her , and can switch, could get confusing!

[luckyguy3]

Is Jen aware that Deb gave you something that she couldn’t or wouldn’t, but jen gives to Dan?
How does she feel about you having anal with Deb?

I have told Jen all the details of my experiences with Deb, including the anal. It occasioned some anger and jealousy issues, but we are working through them (more on that when I finally get around to writing about last Sunday - maybe that's why I keep putting it off.)

Dan has not had anal with Jen, although she has let him play with her there. She did have what I guess you could call a "partial anal" experience with Dan's friend Rakesh when they did their threesome. According to Jen, Rakesh has a "very skinny dick".

[ExiledSage]

You keep beating around the bush. Was it your jealousy or Jen's? It seems fairly disingenuous to.me for Jen to want to have her cake and eat it too, but resent you having yours....but then we're only getting suggestions of the story.

[luckyguy3]

I love your story, and for my part, I have mixed feelings about your situation, but I have no opinion, but I am curious about the ring thing. Did Jen wear Dan's ring home, or did she leave it with Dan? Also when she flew to your daughter's assistance, , I assume that she was wearing your rings, and when she flys home, Dans going to pick her up, and she will be wering your rings, or maybe she carries Dans ring with her , and can switch, could get confusing!

Good question. Jen left Dan's ring at his place when she left. We talked about the ring issue a lot on Sunday night (I know, I need to write it up . . .) Her plan is to keep Dan's ring there just as she keeps our rings here.

She most definitely wore our rings for the visit to our daughter. I assume she will just stash them in her purse and put on his once she gets "home" to his condo tonight.

One thing I am learning about the whole "ring" issue. I think it is ultimately overblown and I need to be less sensitive about it. The truth is that they were already deeply emotionally attached before the ring. The ring did not create their connection, it is just a symbol of it. If I am good with their relationship (and I am) then I can be good with the ring.

For Jen, she was genuinely touched by the offer of the ring. As she told me Sunday night, she had been hoping that he might make a gesture like this some day. Jen does not fear losing me (just as I don't fear losing her.) But she has had understandable fears about losing Dan, of him deciding that what he really needs is a full time relationship - something Jen cannot give him. If Dan ever decides that is what he wants, Jen would be supportive of him. But it would still hurt, a lot. She is in the vulnerable position of having made a real emotional investment in a relationship that most "conventional" people would argue cannot continue indefinitely. Jen saw the offer of the ring as a statement of Dan's commitment to her. Accepting and wearing it is a symbol of her commitment to him.

Hey - I just realized that I have dealt with the ring issue! One less thing to have to write about down the road!

[luckyguy3]

You keep beating around the bush. Was it your jealousy or Jen's? It seems fairly disingenuous to.me for Jen to want to have her cake and eat it too, but resent you having yours....but then we're only getting suggestions of the story.

Not trying to beat around the bush, feeling more like the bush has been beating around me. This stuff has been pretty consuming. Am back to spending more time on the site than I should.

Anyway, as my Grandmother used to say "to make along story short . . ." Jen experienced some anger and jealousy issues about Deb's visit. The borrowing of her clothes touched on some old issues that go back to their childhood. Jen was not pleased with the way that Deb was flashing her tits to Dan over dinner (she absolutely believes that Deb knew just what she was doing. "That is so like her . . .") Jen does not think that Deb was going after Dan but she did think that Deb was showing off took it too far. (On a related front, Dan did not exactly help matters by telling jen that he thought Deb was "really sexy") And Jen was threatened by the fact that Deb not only offered anal to me, but that it was easy for her and she was good at it. (The whole anal thing is a very complex and sensitive issue for Jen that I do not want to delve into right now. Almost wish I had not shared it.)

But the biggest issue, IMHO, was that Jen knows her sister really, really well and that she thinks Deb is becoming too attached to me in a hurry. I don't know if this is jealousy so much as it is concern. Jen fears that things may not work out well in this experiment, that Deb could be hurt and resentful and that will hurt their paramount relationship as sisters.

All things which all three of us knew were dangers from the start, but we went ahead anyway. Not necessarily insurmountable dangers, but real life issues which we will have to do a good job of communicating about if this (Deb and I) is to have a chance of working longer term.

[Foot69loose]

Hi LG3,

Thank you for taking the time and enduring your angst by putting your recent activities to print.

We have been reading your story from its inception years ago.
Knowing that Jen is very smitten by Dan and her love for him continues to grow together with her very competitive nature which is even further borne out by having her sister enjoying her husband showing Anger and her jealousy of this intimate time.You may be surprised in the near future as Jen may reward Dan’s gift of a ring with something he has been grooming her for, for some time. It would make an excellent Xmas gift from Jen too Dan, whilst showing you that she can compete on all levels with her sister.

IMHO, your time with Deb is an excellent opportunity for you to enjoy and experience activities that Jen has enjoyed with Dan and Rakesh.

Given your comments over your past posts we are sitting on the edge of our chairs waiting for your next instalment.

We wish you all the best for Christmas and New Years.

[D+D]

I think Jen would be jealous of anyone that you might develop a real relationship with, but that person being her sister compounds that jealousy. You are into your wife being with another man, in this case practically being his wife, but Jen is not into that same fetish of sharing her spouse. Simple.

[Observer1931]

Looking forward to the coverage of you and Jen's Sunday nights talks.

[regular3]

Love reading your story and the strong feelings that are flowing.
Obviously we don't really know you and the level of feelings and involvement by all except what you gift to us through these pages.
Do you think you could quantify the level of relationship your wife has between you and Dan. I know you wrote recently that you are still her primary, but you would have given up being Mr 100% primary to a smaller number, sharing it with Dan. Is it something like a 60/40 split and do you see this number balance shifting further away from you?

[bluemoon]

there's something very erotic in witnessing your beloved woman slowly and steadily 'shifting away' from you, the attachment with her lover getting deeper, and deeper...

[luckyguy3]

It is late, late on Christmas night (technically early on the morning of Boxing Day, if you want to be technical.) Jen got here Sunday night, we had family arrive on Xmas Eve, staying until Friday. Not much time to post with all the holiday stuff going on.

Anyway, regarding the events of the Sunday the 15th, which I never got around to posting about.

Deb woke up a little hung over on the morning after our double date. She was also a little emotional, feeling sad that she was going to be flying out that afternoon. Over coffee in bed she asked me when we would be seeing each other again. I hedged and told her I didn't know. She then said that her son was going on a trip with his dad over New Year's week and asked if I could come out and spend some of that time with her at her place. I again hedged, and we talked back and forth about it for a while, Deb pressing me to visit. Finally I said that I needed to talk to Jen before I could make any plans. That mollified Deb a bit, but she asked that I talk to Jen about it soon as she had ideas of things we could do over New Years and wanted to make some plans.

Deb definitely brightened after I told her I would talk to Jen about it. She started unbuttoning my shirt, kissing me. Soon she was kissing my neck and chest while stroking me with her hand. Then she got on top of me. She really does like that position, liking to go really slow, using me to slowly play with herself. This time she was talking the whole time, asking me how I liked being with her, what felt good, would I miss her when she was gone. Then she started talking teasingly about our unique situation, saying things like "Do you like being with your wife's sister?" I told her the truth, that she felt great. She gave me a wicked grin and said "That's good, because I really love fucking my brother in law." The more she talked that way, the more excited she got. She came first this time, then I turned her over and finished myself.

Her reservation was for early afternoon, so after that it was time to start getting cleaned and packed up. On the way out to the airport Deb kept talking about how much she wanted me to come out for New Year's and pushing me to talk to Jen about it. I said I would. We parted on a good note - we had a lot of fun while she was in town, and the sex was pretty awesome. But I still felt a bit relieved after she had gone into the terminal, like the pressure was off a bit.

Jen got dropped off about 5. Dan did not come in, which was unusual. I soon found out why. Jen said she had asked him not to come in so she could talk to me alone.

We had what turned out to be a "marathon" talk that lasted til 10 pm or so, by which time we were both worn out. I have written about some aspects of it in prior posts. Part of Jen's distress was anger about Deb pushing old buttons by borrowing her things and flirting with Dan. Jen eventually admitted that she had felt some jealousy when Deb seemed maybe a little possessive of me. As we talked about the jealousy, Jen asked me how the sex had gone between Deb and I. We have always been open with each other about those details, so I told her the truth - that it had been really good. When I told her about the anal, Jen got defensive and the discussion got a little more difficult.

But Jen and I are so tight and know each other so well we worked through that stuff. The real issue was not old family patterns, borrowing coats or even the sex. Jen actually said on one level she was happy for me that the sex was good, and happy for her sister too. No, Jen's biggest concern was that Deb might be getting in over her head too fast with me and that she might not be able to handle it. Jen pointed out that it had taken us years to get to this point, and now Deb had plunged in headfirst in just a couple of months or so. When I passed on that Deb wanted me to come out and see her for New Year's, that reinforced Jen's concern.

We talked for a long time without any resolution, but the good result of the discussion was that at the end of it we felt like we were both on the same page. Neither one of us regretted my getting involved with Deb, and in any event we realized that we could not undo it. I knew that I really enjoyed my time with Deb, a lot, that we had a lot of fun (as well as a lot of sex.) Jen was happy for both me and Deb that we had hit it off so well. But the worry that both Jen and I shared was whether Deb would be ok with this longer term. We did not want this to become the cause of a serious family rift down the road. But we also recognized that once Deb and I had become lovers the "genie was out of the bottle". Both Jen and I had been very honest with Deb about our situations in advance. Now we just had to hope that Deb was savvy and mature enough to deal with the situation if things did not work out going forward.

The next morning we got the call from our daughter asking Jen to come out and give her a hand for a few days. Jen was on a plane the next morning and did not get home to our place until the 22nd. We had other family arriving on the 24th so we have been in a whirlwind of holiday stuff all week, as you might expect. Deb asked me several times about New Year's, I kept stalling. Meanwhile, Jen and I kept talking among ourselves. We were quite frankly a little unsure. Jen talked to Dan about changing the schedule around so that she would spend this weekend with me, then join him from the 31st through the 5th while I flew out to see Deb. Dan was good with that, was excited by the idea of having six days with Jen. But Jen and I have still gone back and forth, agreeing that this could work fine but only if Deb is keeping everything in perspective.

On Christmas afternoon Jen and I called Deb together with some other family members on the line. It was a fun call, we all had a blast chatting. After the call Jen sent Deb a text asking if she was available to "talk schedule stuff" Thursday night when our family members are going to be out of the house for a while. Deb said sure. So that happens tomorrow (which at this hour means tonight.)

At this point I think Jen is ok with me going, if I want to go. I think that I do. But we both would like a little more reassurance that Deb is handling all this ok. Deb's texts and calls with me this last week have all been fine, pretty fun and lighthearted, no red flags. I think we would have a good time. I just want Deb - and Jen - to both be ok if we keep moving forward.

Jen and I are having an early dinner alone, will give us a good chance to talk again before we call Deb.