Poly references and resources

When a fuck buddy becomes something more.
ebtwt

Re: Poly references and resources

Unread post by ebtwt » Tue Nov 12, 2013 8:56 pm

Thank you HWM for initiating this, and Mia and others for contributing. I am a little late finding the discussion.

I think my wife and I have read most of the books suggested, and agree they are helpful. The web sites are good too, but can be an endless sink for time. Mia suggested POLYAMORY: THE NEW LOVE WITHOUT LIMITS: Secrets of Sustainable Intimate Relationships, by Deborah M. Anapol, but noted it is out of print. We have read and recommend Polyamory in the 21st Century: Love and intimacy with multiple partners, also by Deborah Anapol. I suspect this is an updated version of the book recommended by Mia.

As well as books concerned explicitly with polyamory, I highly recommend Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá. The authors note that they do not pretend to offer an interpretation nor suggest a direction for social evolution, but rather provide observations on anthropological (is this the right field ?) findings, and the misrepresented views and social mishaps that have led to the currently accepted "understanding". I think this is very poly-friendly, not on a day to day operating scale, but on a scale of broad social acceptance.

Mia

Re: Poly references and resources

Unread post by Mia » Tue Nov 12, 2013 9:28 pm

ebtwt wrote:Thank you HWM for initiating this, and Mia and others for contributing. I am a little late finding the discussion.

I think my wife and I have read most of the books suggested, and agree they are helpful. The web sites are good too, but can be an endless sink for time. Mia suggested POLYAMORY: THE NEW LOVE WITHOUT LIMITS: Secrets of Sustainable Intimate Relationships, by Deborah M. Anapol, but noted it is out of print. We have read and recommend Polyamory in the 21st Century: Love and intimacy with multiple partners, also by Deborah Anapol. I suspect this is an updated version of the book recommended by Mia.

As well as books concerned explicitly with polyamory, I highly recommend Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá. The authors note that they do not pretend to offer an interpretation nor suggest a direction for social evolution, but rather provide observations on anthropological (is this the right field ?) findings, and the misrepresented views and social mishaps that have led to the currently accepted "understanding". I think this is very poly-friendly, not on a day to day operating scale, but on a scale of broad social acceptance.
Thank you, ebtwt! I did not know there was a new book out by Deborah Anapol (which might very well be an update on the one I recommended). I will check this out immediately, because if there is a new edition out, I definitely want to be able to recommend it to others.

Many, many thanks to you for posting this! :mrgreen:

Mia

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Re: Poly references and resources

Unread post by Mercury » Thu Mar 20, 2014 2:00 am

Poly Resources

"Pedestrian Polyamory" (PP) is an interesting podcast, but it goes off the rails over the course of its 50 episodes. The wife brings home other guys. The husband has little success. Eventually, the wife brings home a guy who she fucks exclusively, cutting off the husband, leaving him with nothing more than handjobs. It drives him nuts and he complains about hearing her shout that her lover's the best she's ever had from the next room while he's not had any for 6 months. Eventually they split with the understanding that she'll move to be close to him for the purpose of still being friends and sharing custody of their child. She changes her mind after he moves. All in all, it's a painful cuckolding scenario with a major sociopath involved. Listener beware.

I've been listening to "Poly Weekly" for years and years. It's another mixed bag, but not nearly so crazy as PP. It's run by Cunning Minx, who can be charming at times. Be advised, she's never been poly herself. She's strictly monogamous, straight, and her one kink is shibari. She also has conflicting opinions from episode to episode on every topic outside of sending her money. On that, she's rock solid. She's also frequently very sex-negative. She's often saying that it's not all about the sex, but what comes across is that it should rarely be about the sex. What makes its good, though, is the guests. Her partner is a longtime poly guy who injects a lot of sanity and makes it clear that he's given the topics real thought. The show used to have a nominally active forum that has mercifully been banished to the ether.

"Polyamory of the Newbs" is like "Pedestrian Poly" in that it's a couple stumbling through the early days of doing poly. They fumble around badly, hurting each other in the process and generally breaking every good rule for doing poly well. They buy into some concepts like relationship anarchy and no-hierarchy that should only be approached by people who are very experienced in non-monogamy. Before the show ends prematurely, it's clear that it's going to a bad place. This is one to listen to after Pedestrian, if only to play Bad Poly Bingo with your SO.

"Life on the Swingset" has lots of talk about polyamory, in large part because the female half of "Pedestrian Polyamory" is on the show. Most of the hosts are really good and they have some really strong discussions about non-monogamy and kink. It's also fun to listen to Shira of PP go on about how evolved she is and how great her relationship is going, all while knowing what her husband thinks of the developments. So crazy, much drama, wow.

ModernPoly.com has some really insightful pieces from time to time. It used to have a forum, again nominally active. I'm a bit biased as I used to be a mod on there, but it did have some really nice people. I don't think the site took off as quickly as its creator, Jessica, wanted it to and the growth has slowed further as a result.

Another resource is the Reddit subforum, /r/polyamory. It's really active and full of friendly helpful people on the good days, and immature jackasses on the better days. Definitely one to pop a bowl of popcorn and sit back for the emotional theater.

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Re: Poly references and resources

Unread post by alan137 » Thu May 22, 2014 4:21 am

Mia wrote:
SeaGirtCuck wrote: Hi Mia,
I have never been to a nudist/naturist resort.
Could you tell me what type of people go and what are they really looking for?
You kind of stumped me with this one (my first response to your questions was "everyone," and "freedom"), so I asked my S.O. (who had years more experience than me with nudist/naturist/clothing optional organizations and places before we ever met) and here's what he says:
What type of people go?
"Your next door neighbor...s/he just never says anything [to you] about it. "Everybody" goes...you just aren't aware of it."
What are they really looking for?
"A relaxed atmosphere, where everyone can be themselves. People who tend [overall] to be more openly honest than most other people...people who are looking for equality, good people, and a relaxed atmosphere. People who are willing to give up preconceptions, which begin with clothes and cars."

That's my S.O.'s take.

What I remember most vividly is people (all kinds of people) sitting around a fireplace or campfire, eating buffet dinners (or breakfasts, or lunches), and everyone at that moment feeling comfortable being who they really were, and contributing what--from their own lives and wisdom--they really had to contribute.

Where we used to go, auto mechanics would be having animated conversations with entertainment industry people, supermarket cashiers with "trust fund babies," and people who never graduated from high school with people who had literally three or four graduate degrees from some of the top universities in the world. (One of our population sub-groups was employees from Cal Tech's Jet Propulsion Laboratory. ;) ) It was an incredible experience, and everyone was--quite literally--equal. The next morning (if you stayed overnight), when the clothes went back on and the extremely mixed melange of vehicles in the parking lot were backed out, it was back to normal life for awhile...

...until the next weekend, the next get-together, the next trip to some camping ground, or the next three-day holiday weekend. But everyone seemed to leave better than when they came, and most everyone would be back.

It was that kind of magical experience.

I remember those times with great fondness.

:)
Hi, I had my first experience at a nudist resort and fount them to be ever so friendly in a very good way.

I loved the freedom and the openness and after my first couple of visits I took my wife there for a week. She was very shy but warmed to it. We are going back.

There were people from all walks of life. Surgeons, electricians, business owners, public servants, plumbers, you name it - there was no discrimination. You are you and people relate to you.

It was wonderful.

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Re: Poly references and resources

Unread post by ChasteHusband62 » Sat Aug 15, 2015 12:28 pm

Thanks for the information! I think that my wife and I have transitioned from what was previously a more "cuckold" sort of thing, to a more Poly like situation. After my wife and I met up with quite a number of potential partners for her, and after working our way through most of them, she seems to have zeroed in on one particular "other guy." I've come to know him and trust him. In fact, this weekend, my wife is away with him in another town! Shopping probably, as well as fucking each other's brains out (as per usual)! This has become a very curiously exciting "new normal" for all of us! The poly possibilities seem far more interesting than our boring old monogamist relationship ever was! Thanks you OHW!!!

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Re: Poly references and resources

Unread post by Untold » Tue Mar 14, 2017 11:40 am

Great resources thank you. Some links seem to not work anymore, but overall still very helpful!
Read our hotwife stories. Ellen&Bill

Minnhotwife

Re: Poly references and resources

Unread post by Minnhotwife » Thu Sep 19, 2019 9:30 am

Reprobate wrote:
Mon May 06, 2013 5:26 am
I have been listening lately to a podcast, called "The Swingset" (website: http://lifeontheswingset.com ), which discusses the poly, open, and swinging liftestyles. One of the contributors, Shira B. Katz, also has a poly podcast, called "Pedestrian Polymory" which is hosted off the same site.
Thanks for posting. This is a good podcast. I have listened to several of them, including their interview with Janet Hardy who wrote The Ethical Slut.


I would add these:

That Couple Next Door

Normalizing Non-monogamy

Sex Out Loud with Tristan Taromino

YouTube search for Kathy Labriola.




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Re: Poly references and resources

Unread post by yorktownvaguy » Thu Sep 19, 2019 9:47 am

I was not sure if you are allowed to post hot links here but this is a great philisophical look at jealousy and sharing: https://aeon.co/essays/love-without-jea ... compersion

Minnhotwife

Re: Poly references and resources

Unread post by Minnhotwife » Thu Sep 19, 2019 10:07 am

yorktownvaguy wrote:
Thu Sep 19, 2019 9:47 am
I was not sure if you are allowed to post hot links here but this is a great philisophical look at jealousy and sharing: https://aeon.co/essays/love-without-jea ... compersion
Thanks for sharing! I think this link came up but still good to repost.

I would also add these books:

Love in Abundance by Kathy Labriola

Jealousy Survival Guide by Kitty Chambliss





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Re: Poly references and resources

Unread post by yorktownvaguy » Fri Sep 20, 2019 6:02 am

Minnhotwife wrote:
Thu Sep 19, 2019 10:07 am
yorktownvaguy wrote:
Thu Sep 19, 2019 9:47 am
I was not sure if you are allowed to post hot links here but this is a great philisophical look at jealousy and sharing: https://aeon.co/essays/love-without-jea ... compersion
Thanks for sharing! I think this link came up but still good to repost.

I would also add these books:

Love in Abundance by Kathy Labriola

Jealousy Survival Guide by Kitty Chambliss

I might have mentioned it before.
Sorry for mentioning it again.




Minnhotwife

Re: Poly references and resources

Unread post by Minnhotwife » Thu Oct 24, 2019 5:25 am

Hi again.

Here’s a few more resources for those who still need advice from another perspective:

Dr. Zhana Vrangalova is great on CNM and poly.

Turnon.love with Dr. Allison Ash


Hope these help.


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Re: Poly references and resources

Unread post by lifesajourney » Mon Feb 03, 2020 4:33 am

Hi, new on here and looking to know more about this. Or if people have experience. Any good reference articles or suggestions. Thanks.

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Re: Poly references and resources

Unread post by armyguyot1 » Mon Feb 03, 2020 4:39 am

Welcome to the forum lifesajourney.

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Re: Poly references and resources

Unread post by Akhunter02 » Sun Aug 09, 2020 2:43 am

Looking for a gout to be the wife’s boyfriend

DaveS
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Re: Poly references and resources

Unread post by DaveS » Thu Apr 01, 2021 3:16 pm

Polyamory.com is a discussion forum with a format similar to that of OHW. The level of discussion there is of the highest caliber, with many very intelligent and helpful contributors.

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Re: Poly references and resources

Unread post by DaveS » Wed Apr 07, 2021 8:40 pm

This is from a post on the polyamory.com site - a list of useful poly websites -
(links deactivated)

morethantwo.com/
A great place to start - lots of articles on the basics of polyamory, and an excellent poly glossary as well.

polyweekly.com/
A long running blog and podcast site hosted by "Cunning Minx" with over 550 archived podcasts on poly - all free to listen to. While the podcasts are not actually weekly (at least currently), she still adds new podcasts regularly. Direct link to podcast page: polyweekly.libsyn.com/

lovingmorenonprofit.org/
This is the current website for one of first poly organizations - "Loving More". Loving More was co-founded by Deborah Anapol, who published one of the early defining texts on polyamory, Love Without Limits (1992); which was expanded and reissued as Polyamory: The New Love Without Limits, in 1997. This site also has a nice selection of basic poly information as well.

polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/
"Poly in the News" hosted by Alan M. - Updated regularly with links to articles on poly throughout the media. Many of the articles he links to are very worthwhile reads.

multiamory.com/
Features over 190 video podcasts on polyamory-related subjects - free to watch. Some cool stuff in their online store as well.

polyinfo.org/
Features some good introductory articles and an assortment of links.

polyamorysociety.org/
Lots of great info and links on polyamory.

polyquality.com/
A new poly website that looks to be off to a good start.


Helpful Individual Articles:

davidlnoble.livejournal.com/176039.html
(A well written article on the issue of "unicorn hunting". Essential reading for all those couples who decide to "open" their marriage and find a girlfriend.)

kathylabriola.com/articles/are-you-in-poly-hell
(Poly Hell - more essential reading for couples opening their marriage, deals with the feelings of the partner "staying home").

CurvyNerdMILF
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Re: Poly references and resources

Unread post by CurvyNerdMILF » Sun Aug 01, 2021 4:18 pm

I think I just found the topic where we can find the other sexy nerds around here. Hi! I was just looking at Sex at Dawn in Powell’s today, and now I’m regretting not picking it up. :/
I am: The female half of a married, polyamorous stag/vixen pair
Available for: I’m pretty polysaturated at the moment.
Current fantasy: (Pondering…)
My adventures: viewtopic.php?f=5&t=63778

Long Lurker 34
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Re: Poly references and resources

Unread post by Long Lurker 34 » Mon Aug 02, 2021 4:50 am

Haven't watched it, but the is a new episode right now of "Say Yes to the Dress" which involves h/w and a second woman.

CurvyNerdMILF
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Re: Poly references and resources

Unread post by CurvyNerdMILF » Sat Nov 27, 2021 7:13 pm

I just finished reading Polysecure and I can’t recommend it enough. It’s just that good. It starts with an accurate and up-to-date explanation of attachment theory. (I’ve been trained to lead multiple attachment-based parenting courses by experts in the field who originated the methods, and everything said there is top-notch.) Then it moves into an exploration of how to move adult attachment growth into polyamorous and other non-monogamous settings. It gives a concrete path to improving attachment in individual relationships and how to work on one’s security with oneself so that you have a strong foundation from which to relate to others.
I am: The female half of a married, polyamorous stag/vixen pair
Available for: I’m pretty polysaturated at the moment.
Current fantasy: (Pondering…)
My adventures: viewtopic.php?f=5&t=63778

Whosbeensleeping

Re: Poly references and resources

Unread post by Whosbeensleeping » Sat Nov 27, 2021 7:15 pm

CurvyNerdMILF wrote:
Sat Nov 27, 2021 7:13 pm
I just finished reading Polysecure and I can’t recommend it enough. It’s just that good. It starts with an accurate and up-to-date explanation of attachment theory. (I’ve been trained to lead multiple attachment-based parenting courses by experts in the field who originated the methods, and everything said there is top-notch.) Then it moves into an exploration of how to move adult attachment growth into polyamorous and other non-monogamous settings. It gives a concrete path to improving attachment in individual relationships and how to work on one’s security with oneself so that you have a strong foundation from which to relate to others.
Thank you!

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Re: Poly references and resources

Unread post by SSQ » Mon Nov 29, 2021 9:44 am

The Polyamory Toolkit is another really good one.
It's all fun until someone gets hurt... and then it's more fun! :whip:

https://thehappyhotwife.blogspot.com/

Whosbeensleeping

Re: Poly references and resources

Unread post by Whosbeensleeping » Wed Dec 01, 2021 7:17 pm

Thank you! Lots of cool stuff to read.

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Re: Poly references and resources

Unread post by Des 31 » Thu Dec 02, 2021 6:28 am

Many medium-size and larger cities have polyamory gatherings to share their experiences. You may find one of those groups in your area at meetup.com. Three separate groups are listed in our town, but we haven't attended any of those. For a brief time, we were members of a former group established as a cuckold/hotwife monthly meeting; but that eventually folded for the reason the number of couples attending became too large for the hosts to hold at their home. We're told some of those still meet in smaller gatherings at the homes of former members.
Our hotwife history from its beginning at viewtopic.php?f=5&t=50057

CurvyNerdMILF
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Re: Poly references and resources

Unread post by CurvyNerdMILF » Mon Dec 13, 2021 6:54 pm

In Portland, the number of Facebook groups for poly and ENM people to connect either socially, for support, or for dating is significant. I’ve met friends that way, but I haven’t gotten a date out of it yet. ;)
I am: The female half of a married, polyamorous stag/vixen pair
Available for: I’m pretty polysaturated at the moment.
Current fantasy: (Pondering…)
My adventures: viewtopic.php?f=5&t=63778

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Re: Poly references and resources

Unread post by NorthOpen » Sun May 29, 2022 1:34 pm

Whosbeensleeping wrote:
Sat Nov 27, 2021 7:15 pm
CurvyNerdMILF wrote:
Sat Nov 27, 2021 7:13 pm
I just finished reading Polysecure and I can’t recommend it enough. It’s just that good. It starts with an accurate and up-to-date explanation of attachment theory. (I’ve been trained to lead multiple attachment-based parenting courses by experts in the field who originated the methods, and everything said there is top-notch.) Then it moves into an exploration of how to move adult attachment growth into polyamorous and other non-monogamous settings. It gives a concrete path to improving attachment in individual relationships and how to work on one’s security with oneself so that you have a strong foundation from which to relate to others.
Thank you!
Thanks for the heads up on Polysecure. It's really, really good.

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