Another man loves my wife

[Mad Dog65]

Mark, I have been following your thread since I first joined OHW and have read it with fascination as you shared your journey. I have appreciated your willingness to share it with us as you are under no requirement to do so. I felt an affinity in some ways to yours and Julie's situation. In my situation, long time married and my wife adamant that she is not interested in other men, it will almost certainly be a fantasy only experience. This is OK.

If I have a question for you and Julie, it is from what you know now after 6 years, where do you think the journey will be going in the future? What do you want? What does Julie want? And what does Brian want? Have the 3 of you sat down and had that conversation? Do you want to have that conversation?

Again, I am deeply grateful for all of your time and for sharing the good, the bad and the in between.

MD

[co-husband]

Mark, I have been following your thread since I first joined OHW and have read it with fascination as you shared your journey. I have appreciated your willingness to share it with us as you are under no requirement to do so. I felt an affinity in some ways to yours and Julie's situation. In my situation, long time married and my wife adamant that she is not interested in other men, it will almost certainly be a fantasy only experience. This is OK.

If I have a question for you and Julie, it is from what you know now after 6 years, where do you think the journey will be going in the future? What do you want? What does Julie want? And what does Brian want? Have the 3 of you sat down and had that conversation? Do you want to have that conversation?

Again, I am deeply grateful for all of your time and for sharing the good, the bad and the in between.

MD

MD Thank you for your reply.

The three of us have not sat down and talked specifically about where we want this to ultimately go.
As with the entire experience, things have continued to develop organically and simply evolved over time.

But to answer your direct question, I truly expect that we have reached the fulfillment point of our 3-way relationship.
The basis being that Juli and I will remain married. She had I HAVE both affirmed this to each other. For obvious reasons in a long-term marriage, divorce is not even a consideration.

So we are all doing what we want from this experience.
Juli does love Brian and she loves me. So her love will remain for us both. Admittedly expressed in different ways.
I speak now of the obvious sexual expression that she gives to each man.

Brian will continue to meet Juli regularly (currently 2 nights per week).
He is obviously content with being the lover to a married woman.

I will continue enjoying my deeply emotional bond to Juli in our marriage.
My sexual activity currently is with Juli once a week. And also with a male friend when possible.

The change I foresee is perhaps an ultimate shift away from my sexual intercourse with Juli ....to become exclusively toward male intimacy.

I have always been very honest in my posts here. I'm thankful that ones who reply have always been supportive.

Mark

[armyguyot1]

Welcome to the forum abruce.

[shall54]

I know that most of the topics seem to revolve around the sexual aspects of your (Mark) with Juli and Brian. I'm curious about other aspects of Juli and Brian's relationship. Do they go on dates and allow themselves to be viewed in public as a couple (i.e., holding hands and other PDAs)? Do Juli and Brian take vacations together? How do you feel about their time together and do you need to be kept up to date on what they're doing together? Does Brian have anyone else in his life or is Juli his emergency contact?

I know, weird questions and hopefully not too personal for you. I'm still wrapping my head around your triad relationship. Best of luck with all three of you and your continued journey!!!

[co-husband]

I know that most of the topics seem to revolve around the sexual aspects of your (Mark) with Juli and Brian. I'm curious about other aspects of Juli and Brian's relationship. Do they go on dates and allow themselves to be viewed in public as a couple (i.e., holding hands and other PDAs)? Do Juli and Brian take vacations together? How do you feel about their time together and do you need to be kept up to date on what they're doing together? Does Brian have anyone else in his life or is Juli his emergency contact?

I know, weird questions and hopefully not too personal for you. I'm still wrapping my head around your triad relationship. Best of luck with all three of you and your continued journey!!!

Thank you Shall54...

Your questions are not weird nor offensive. I welcome all questions.

Currently we are in a situation where Brian visits us every week and spends 2 nights with us.
We all three go out in public so the "dating" aspect of their relationship is still rather muted.
And Brian does not have another woman in his life. So he and I do truly share Juli in that way.
He is at a point in his life where he does not desire a girlfriend or wife, and of course finds that type of satisfaction in his relationship with Juli.

Mark

[Observer1931]

Mark, interesting arrangement. Are these visits generally on weekends? What are the sleeping arrangements--they in master bedroom and you in guest room or they in guest room? Does Juli let you see her nude while he is there or is that off limits during those times? Do you listen to or hear their sex and does she show her affection to Brian openly? What ever It sure seems to be working for all.

[co-husband]

Mark, interesting arrangement. Are these visits generally on weekends? What are the sleeping arrangements--they in master bedroom and you in guest room or they in guest room? Does Juli let you see her nude while he is there or is that off limits during those times? Do you listen to or hear their sex and does she show her affection to Brian openly? What ever It sure seems to be working for all.

Our situation has changed a bit in the last 2 months due to a relocation that Juli and I have made. But Brian does travel each week (on weekends) to stay with us until he returns home to start his work week.

So while he is with us he and Juli do sleep together in the master bedroom and I sleep in the guest room which is located on the other side of the house. So they have their privacy.

Also the split floor plan of our home usually precludes me from seeing her naked over the weekend, but it's not because I am "not allowed". The two bedrooms are on opposite sides of the house, it is simple logistics really that keeps me from seeing them other than when we all are in the main part of the house together.

Same for hearing them having sex. They never have been noisy lovers, so I don't hear them when they are together.

Juli and Brian do show affection to each other in front of me but it is never in a crude fashion. A simple hug and a kiss as you might expect a couple to do. But they do not hide their love for each other from me.

Mark

[Mad Dog65]

Thanks Mark for sharing your journey. I find it fascinating how you have settled into this routine and it seems all so normal with so much love between you all.

[co-husband]

Thanks Mark for sharing your journey. I find it fascinating how you have settled into this routine and it seems all so normal with so much love between you all.

Thank you Mad Dog...

Yes really it has settled into a very nice and loving 3-way relationship.
I have to give much credit to Brian for being such a kind and loving man.
Not only toward Juli but toward me too. By that I mean he has always respected our marriage and has never tried to come between us.

I realize that may sound odd since he is having sex with my wife,,,but I mean he has never tried to "steal" her from me by advocating divorce.

So he has become a genuine part of our relationship and in a way shares in the marriage.

Mark

[MatureCouple]

Could you ever envision a time when Brian would move in with you and Juli?

[co-husband]

Could you ever envision a time when Brian would move in with you and Juli?

Mature Couple,

Perhaps...Yes.

Since Juli and I have recently relocated, Brian has been traveling to spend each weekend with us before returning home.
So he has in essence been living with us two days per week.
And very soon his work schedule will be such that he will work exclusively from a home office.

So while the three of us have not yet had that conversation of Brian actually living with us, it is not outside the realm of possibility.

There is sufficient room in our house.
And the sleeping arrangements would be as you'd expect.
Brian and Juli would take the master bedroom.
I have a very comfortable ensuite room on the other side of the house. It works very well each weekend now.

So again, while the subject has not yet been broached, I would not be surprised if we soon have that discussion.

Mark

[MatureCouple]

I get the feeling that you may not bring it up, but waiting for Juli to say something... do you think it's on her mind?

Even though the primary arrangements would be for Brain and Juli to share the master suite, don't you think Brian could rotate out and give you a few nights with Juli? Also, if such a thing would transpire (Brian moving in), do you think it would give you and him an opportunity to do some male/male exploration?

[co-husband]

I get the feeling that you may not bring it up, but waiting for Juli to say something... do you think it's on her mind?

Even though the primary arrangements would be for Brain and Juli to share the master suite, don't you think Brian could rotate out and give you a few nights with Juli? Also, if such a thing would transpire (Brian moving in), do you think it would give you and him an opportunity to do some male/male exploration?

All great questions...
If Brian does ever move in with us, I think Juli would probably insist on me and her still having our own sexual intimacy together.
Albeit I do think our times would be basically as they are now...limited to once per week.
But I think she would want to continue that even if Brian moves in.
So the answer to your question about there being a rotation...is Yes.

Second question.
While I would be very open to a sexual relationship with Brian, however limited.,.I have not seen any indication from him that he has interest in being with another man.
So while I would welcome it, I will be very surprised if Brian shows that desire.

And yes I will wait until and if Juli brings up the idea of inviting Brian to live with us.
I think Juli is much more cautious about expanding the relationship with Brian beyond what it already is.

The relocation pretty much forced the issue of him spending two nights with us. It was either that or not seeing him very often at all.
So his extended visits were really a practical necessity.

But a permanent move....may happen but I think she will be more cautious about that level of commitment to our relationship with Brian.

Mark

[Long Lurker 34]

Could you ever envision a time when Brian would move in with you and Juli?

Mature Couple,

Perhaps...Yes.

Since Juli and I have recently relocated, Brian has been traveling to spend each weekend with us before returning home.
So he has in essence been living with us two days per week.
And very soon his work schedule will be such that he will work exclusively from a home office.

So while the three of us have not yet had that conversation of Brian actually living with us, it is not outside the realm of possibility.

There is sufficient room in our house.
And the sleeping arrangements would be as you'd expect.
Brian and Juli would take the master bedroom.
I have a very comfortable ensuite room on the other side of the house. It works very well each weekend now.

So again, while the subject has not yet been broached, I would not be surprised if we soon have that discussion.

Mark

Mark

If Brian were to move in at some point, do you envision him becoming the primary public partner with Juli?

[co-husband]

Could you ever envision a time when Brian would move in with you and Juli?

Mature Couple,

Perhaps...Yes.

Since Juli and I have recently relocated, Brian has been traveling to spend each weekend with us before returning home.
So he has in essence been living with us two days per week.
And very soon his work schedule will be such that he will work exclusively from a home office.

So while the three of us have not yet had that conversation of Brian actually living with us, it is not outside the realm of possibility.

There is sufficient room in our house.
And the sleeping arrangements would be as you'd expect.
Brian and Juli would take the master bedroom.
I have a very comfortable ensuite room on the other side of the house. It works very well each weekend now.

So again, while the subject has not yet been broached, I would not be surprised if we soon have that discussion.

Mark

Mark

If Brian were to move in at some point, do you envision him becoming the primary public partner with Juli?

Hi LL...

Since we are in a new location, the only people who know us are the immediate neighbors next door. And they are aware that we host a male visitor every weekend. They don't know the details of what takes place inside our house, but I'm sure they suspect.

With that said...IF Brian were to move in with us, I expect he would often go out publicly with Juli, as would I. And sometimes the three of us together.

Mark

[D+D]

It seems that Brian is destined to move into a co husband role. Been following you as you know since the beginning and it has always been clear that Brian is in love with Julie and she has somewhat resisted for a long while until finally admitting she loves him. It seemingly makes sense for him to take the final step of moving in as a full partner in the marriage. Your comment in an above post that you think you will eventually move into a male and male sexual intimacy situation with a lover makes me further convinced that a new arrangement will become a reality. Whatever happens, I know that it will work because of the respect that all three of you have for each other and the great love that Julie has for both of you. I wish you only happiness.

[nevertoolate]

Thanks Mark for sharing your journey. I find it fascinating how you have settled into this routine and it seems all so normal with so much love between you all.

Thank you Mad Dog...

Yes really it has settled into a very nice and loving 3-way relationship.
I have to give much credit to Brian for being such a kind and loving man.
Not only toward Juli but toward me too. By that I mean he has always respected our marriage and has never tried to come between us.

I realize that may sound odd since he is having sex with my wife,,,but I mean he has never tried to "steal" her from me by advocating divorce.

So he has become a genuine part of our relationship and in a way shares in the marriage.

Mark

I'm certain this has worked because you are both gentlemen first and foremost.

[co-husband]

It seems that Brian is destined to move into a co husband role. Been following you as you know since the beginning and it has always been clear that Brian is in love with Julie and she has somewhat resisted for a long while until finally admitting she loves him. It seemingly makes sense for him to take the final step of moving in as a full partner in the marriage. Your comment in an above post that you think you will eventually move into a male and male sexual intimacy situation with a lover makes me further convinced that a new arrangement will become a reality. Whatever happens, I know that it will work because of the respect that all three of you have for each other and the great love that Julie has for both of you. I wish you only happiness.

Thank you D+D,

I have always appreciated your comments and support.

I do believe that this type of relationship has worked only because we have allowed it to develop naturally over several years.

The emotional bonding that must take place does take time and cannot be forced.
So because of the way we all three have patiently just enjoyed each step, and even entertaining the thought that it could have died out at any time of its own volition, is what has allowed the polyamorous relationship to flourish organically.

Now the love is genuine. Juli's love for both me and Brian...and our love for her.

My feelings of desire for male sexual intimacy honestly was latent for several years prior to the introduction of Brian into our marriage.
I may not have been aware of it but looking back now, I know it was there and just needed time to develop.
Brian's sexual partnership with my wife has allowed not only my transition to grow, but Juli's as well.

Her initial reluctance to permit Brian into her heart was natural for a wife, but because he was a good friend to us both prior to the sexual component....it ended up being a natural transition for them both.

Mark

[co-husband]

Thanks Mark for sharing your journey. I find it fascinating how you have settled into this routine and it seems all so normal with so much love between you all.
[/quote]
Thank you Mad Dog...

Yes really it has settled into a very nice and loving 3-way relationship.
I have to give much credit to Brian for being such a kind and loving man.
Not only toward Juli but toward me too. By that I mean he has always respected our marriage and has never tried to come between us.

I realize that may sound odd since he is having sex with my wife,,,but I mean he has never tried to "steal" her from me by advocating divorce.

So he has become a genuine part of our relationship and in a way shares in the marriage.

Mark
[/quote]

I'm certain this has worked because you are both gentlemen first and foremost.
[/quote]
Thank you Nevertoolate....

I do give credit to Brian because he has treated Juli with love and respect...and he has treated me with respect as well.
Having him in our marriage is a true blessing.

I was told by some here very early on, that such a poly relationship cannot work.
I agree it may not work often.
But if the people involved show genuine respect, love and patience toward each other...it can work and be a wonderful experience for all.

I admit there are natural human emotions that we each have to confront.
I can only speak from the husband's perspective. And if I had to advise another husband who is considering the poly lifestyle...I would say that he should expect natural feelings of jealousy, envy and sexual rejection. (Not saying any of those have to be major feelings...they can be very subdued...but it's natural for a husband to experience them when he submits to relinquishing his traditional role in the marriage bed.)

But personally those feelings were channeled toward sexual arousal. (cuckold husbands will understand what I mean).
So the more the poly relationship develops...the more a husband willingly submits to the Alpha Male's role with the wife...and the deeper the sexual arousal for the cuckold.

Sorry for the long, rambling answer. Thoughts just seem to pour out upon the page sometimes.

Mark

[WifeLovesToPlay]

My wife, Sally has had several relationships that developed into a poly situation. The first one was when we were in our forties and it was a disaster! She really loved the guy and he loved her but he did not respect any boundaries. He wanted her to divorce me and marry him and when she broke up with him, he was even calling her at work and causing all kinds of trouble. It was very traumatic for both of us.
It was several years before she had any other long term lover.
Her last and most satisfying end just a couple of years ago. It was with a widower named Greg that was just a few years younger than her.
She met him when she was the loan officer of a bank and he was a customer. He owned a small construction company.
While his wife was sick he spent a lot of time confiding in my wife and they became good friends. When his wife passed away, they started spending a little more time together and he would take her to dinner occasionally. She finally told him about our arrangement and they dated more often and it eventually became sexual.
After a few months she started spending the night with him and eventually it got so she was spending every other weekend with him.
They were very much in love and they had a great relationship. After she retired they sometimes got together during the week, often to go to dinner or a movie etc. She definitely thought of him as her second husband. He even bought her rings to wear when they were together.
I felt some jealousy even though I realized it was a good thing for both of us. To her going to his house was like a mini-vacation and I even enjoyed sometime alone. More so after we were both retired.
Now unlike our hotwifing adventures, she didn't talk alot about him when she was at home and as far as the sex, she jut told me it was good. She didn't tell me the "hot details' like she always does when she hotwifes. She decided and we both agreed that it was best if we kept her relationship with him as separate as possible. When she would be at his house, she would call me once per day or txt me. I tried to refrain from calling her unless it was important.
Overall, we both feel it was good for both of us. Greg ended up retiring and moving to Florida so the relationship pretty much ended even though she was planning a trip there and will go after the Covid is over. I think something like this could be good for a lot of couples, it sure was with us, even though it took a long time to get there.
It takes the right couple in the right circumstances meeting the right man. Luckily it worked out for us. Now my wife just swings with much younger guys so she doesn't expect to ever have as intense of relationship as she did with Greg. but if the right guy comes along, who know?

[co-husband]

Overall, we both feel it was good for both of us. Greg ended up retiring and moving to Florida so the relationship pretty much ended even though she was planning a trip there and will go after the Covid is over. I think something like this could be good for a lot of couples, it sure was with us, even though it took a long time to get there.
It takes the right couple in the right circumstances meeting the right man. Luckily it worked out for us.

Thank you so much for sharing your and Sally's experience.
I think you are so right that such a poly relationship works much better for a bit "older"couple. (I mean over 55) and in a long term marriage.
Better than when we were younger.

And like you...I give my wife and her boyfriend their own private time. I agree with you that it's important that they can have their own relationship and enjoy each other in their own way. Without a husband looking over them and constantly requiring the wife's attention.

It certainly has benefited me and Juli..and of course Brian.

As you also said, such a relationship needs sufficient time to develop at its own pace. Nothing can be forced or hurried.

Glad you shared this....

Mark

[Cherrypopper+]

I think the main reason that Greg and I connected so fast was that we were close friends long before we ever had a sexual relationship.
All of my other long term affairs started out as strictly sexual liaisons and then we developed feelings for each other.
Greg and I were very close before he even knew that I was a hotwife. In a way, I think we loved each other when we were just friends.
Luckily, my husband was one hundred percent supportive of me. After some of our past experiences we both doubted if I would ever find another man to love. I'm sure that our arrangement was good for both my husband and I and good for our marriage. I think many couples could benefit from an arrangement like this, but remember it took us a long time to get to this point. Back when we were in our twenties were both scared to death of me developing feelings for another man. It scared me at least as much as it did my husband. Now we both realize that it is completely normal to develop feelings and even fall in love with a man you are having a long term relationship with. My husband trusts me one hundred percent and is totally supportive of me.

[co-husband]

I think the main reason that Greg and I connected so fast was that we were close friends long before we ever had a sexual relationship.
All of my other long term affairs started out as strictly sexual liaisons and then we developed feelings for each other.
Greg and I were very close before he even knew that I was a hotwife. In a way, I think we loved each other when we were just friends.
Luckily, my husband was one hundred percent supportive of me. After some of our past experiences we both doubted if I would ever find another man to love. I'm sure that our arrangement was good for both my husband and I and good for our marriage. I think many couples could benefit from an arrangement like this, but remember it took us a long time to get to this point. Back when we were in our twenties were both scared to death of me developing feelings for another man. It scared me at least as much as it did my husband. Now we both realize that it is completely normal to develop feelings and even fall in love with a man you are having a long term relationship with. My husband trusts me one hundred percent and is totally supportive of me.

Thank you for writing...
You and your husband are so very similar to my wife and me...
My wife's boyfriend was also a good friend of ours for 10 years prior to us starting a sexual relationship with him.
So you're right that the friendship has made for a more natural transition from social friend to intimate friend.

And another thing you are so right about is something I have been saying for years...
That is what when two people engage in sexual intercourse over a prolonged period of ti, and especially if it is on a regular basis,
its only natural that an emotional bond develop between them.

It can be as strong as the love between a husband and wife, but with different application.
And really...that love between a wife and her boyfriend is what makes the lifestyle enjoyable for all. Including the husband.

Mark

[Cherrypopper+]

I think it speaks highly of how much my husband and I love each other that we can accept me being in love with another man. Now women involved in a poly situation like this need to understand that the "other" man almost always moves on. Usually they are in some transitional stage of their life when the relationship starts. In mine and Greg's case his wife had recently died. Even as we fell in love, I knew that someday he would want to move on. That didn't make it any less sad, but I understood it.
Now that Covid seems to be subsiding my husband and I are planning a trip to Florida. I'm hoping I'll be able to spend at least a couple of night with Greg but he has moved on and probably has a new girlfriend by now. That makes me very jealous, even though, I know it is none of my business and I'm actually happy for him. But love, sex and emotions are complicated subjects, that is why we think it is so interesting to discuss them. I'm glad my husband and I can discuss anything and I'm glad there is a forum like this to hear other people's opinions. We both think the emotional aspects of hotwifing are much more interesting then the sexual.
Sally

[co-husband]

Sally...Thank you. I love reading your perspective as a wife.

It's true that we men tend to always emphasize the sexual to the exclusion of the emotional bonding between a wife and her "other man".
But for me, it is seeing my wife in love with her boyfriend that gives me the most intense and pleasurable experience as a husband.
It's one thing to share my wife's body with another man, but to share her love is quite another level that few husbands get to experience.

And you're right too that a husband and wife who are in a long-term, committed marriage can more easily handle the intense emotions that come with bringing another man into the relationship in such an ultimate way. In such a relationship as you and your husband had with Greg, and as my wife and I have with Brian...their sex is the outward expression of the love that they have developed for each other over time. It's not a "quickie" every now and then. It becomes lovemaking between the wife and her boyfriend just as much as it is between her and her husband.

This is why I have never been present in the bedroom during their lovemaking. It is THEIR time and as a loving couple they deserve their private moments just as much as a husband and wife do.

And you're right too...that the wife-boyfriend relationship is usually transitory. Can last for a few years, but ultimately the boyfriend needs and desires a wife of his own. But the emotional bond is not easily broken, just as you described with Greg. It's akin to going through a divorce I would suspect.

I do hope that you get to be with him once again when you visit Florida.

May I ask you Sally....was there a time in your relationship with Greg that you realized you were now in love with him?
I ask because I saw that moment happen in my wife...when she finally admitted first to herself...then to me what was obvious ...that is that she truly loved Brian...as much as she loves me. Only in a different type of relationship. But both her love for me and her love for him are equally as strong.

And for me as her husband, it is what has made this lifestyle so wonderfully intense.

Mark