Have we evolved from Stag & Vixen to Poly?

[regularcouple]

We have been together for 25 years, very happily married with a family and decent careers.

Very early on in our relationship I confessed to my wife that I was aroused by the thought of her being with another man. Once she realised that I had zero interest in any other women, she was fully on-board. Our initial fantasy was to try a mfm threesome and which we achieved with a guy we just met at a swingers club.

Within 5 minutes we soon realised how awkward and clumsy an mfm can be and I just sat back and watched them fuck. From thereon, watching became 'our thing'. We spent the next few years visiting clubs and my wife had a number of one-offs with guys. We kept in touch with a couple of guys who she hit it off with on a personal level and met one of them at our and his home a few times but ultimately, she said that she wanted a lover who wasn't a swinger and seeing other women, because she hates condoms and also wants a 'connection' with a guy instead of (as she calls it) the coldness of swinger sex.

Our solution was to invite a very old friend of mine. It took some time for him to pick up on our hints but once it started it became a regular thing where she'd fuck him every time he stayed with us while he was travelling on business in our area. This has been going on for 14 years and has mostly worked well. I say mostly, because our friend is not into talking about what we do. We see him for an evening of chatting and drinking and then we all go to bed around midnight. My wife then goes to the guest bedroom and they fuck for usually abour 40 mins to an hour and she returns to me. She says that it has taken her years to get him to fuck her the way she likes and when they first started he was useless. He is also completely silent throughout and never pays her a compliment.

The next morning he never mentions the night before and that's how he seems to prefer it. I've been out with him alone and tried to ask him what he likes doing with her best etc. but he gives answers like 'I'm not sure' and can't look me in the eye. He doesn't know about her previous experiences in clubs but my wife's told him that I am unable to penetrate her and it's my kink that I get off on them being lovers.

I've told him that she wants him to be more affectionate with her when we're all together but the nearest he gets to that is that they always sit on a sofa together when he visits and my wife will stroke his hair but he doesn't reciprocate. As soon as I leave the room he will iniate kissing but breaks off as soon as he hears my footsteps returning!

Around 4 years ago he stayed over prior to a business meeting on a Sunday night. He fucked her as usual that night but on Monday morning I had to take the kids to school. Before I left the house, I went to his room and said "I'''l be gone for 40 mins on the school run, she's desperate to fuck you again so as soon as I leave, take her to our martial bed and fuck her." He didn't reply but on my return he was ready to leave for his meeting and we said goodbye. My wife was still in her nightdress and took me to bed and spread her legs to show me his fresh load dripping out of her.

Of all the experiences we've had, this was the best. Driving away and leaving her alone with him was simply awesome. We did a similar thing 2 years later when he stayed in a hotel and I dropped her off for the afternoon while I took the kids out. When I collected her later, he'd had her twice.

That evening we all went out for a drink and had a good night. He held her hand underneath the table and kissed her when I went to the bar and couldn't see them and they cuddled a bit on the back seat of the car as I drove him back to his hotel but even then I had to tell him to sit in the back with her!

As we dropped him off my wife announced she was going to walk him back to his room, despite her telling earlier that the afternoon session had left her sore. She emerged 30 mins later and he'd had her for the third time.

It's unlikely that we're going to continue with my friend for various reasons but those three occasions where I hadn't been present have made me realise that I have a major desire for her to have a lover that she sees independently of me. This ties in well with our circumstances as we have a major problem getting childcare. The best solution would be for her to go out on dates while I stay home with the kids and she returns to tell me all about her night out.

We'd love her to find someone who will treat her like a girlfriend. She's said a few times that her ideal lover would be a man who she has a friendship with and can trust to go bareback with. I'm very happy for her to have what I call an affair within our marriage and she's keen to try this.

We'd always considered ourselves Stag & Vixen but we've recently begun to wonder if what we're looking for makes us (or her) Poly in some way?

Can anyone advise how we might find a guy that would understand our kink without having to go to swingers clubs or swingers websites?

[armyguyot1]

Welcome to the the forum regularcouple.

[SSQ]

Poly is about more than just having a friendship- it's about having a whole second romantic relationship. It would be like if she is mono, and has a boyfriend- exactly like that except she's still married.

Poly people might also swing, but that's not generally where you find them. If she's open to having an actual relationship, I'd advise dating sites where you can list yourself as nonmonogamous. OKCupid is a good one for meeting poly people.

[Mkliny442015]

We have been together for 25 years, very happily married with a family and decent careers.

Very early on in our relationship I confessed to my wife that I was aroused by the thought of her being with another man. Once she realised that I had zero interest in any other women, she was fully on-board. Our initial fantasy was to try a mfm threesome and which we achieved with a guy we just met at a swingers club.

Within 5 minutes we soon realised how awkward and clumsy an mfm can be and I just sat back and watched them fuck. From thereon, watching became 'our thing'. We spent the next few years visiting clubs and my wife had a number of one-offs with guys. We kept in touch with a couple of guys who she hit it off with on a personal level and met one of them at our and his home a few times but ultimately, she said that she wanted a lover who wasn't a swinger and seeing other women, because she hates condoms and also wants a 'connection' with a guy instead of (as she calls it) the coldness of swinger sex.

Our solution was to invite a very old friend of mine. It took some time for him to pick up on our hints but once it started it became a regular thing where she'd fuck him every time he stayed with us while he was travelling on business in our area. This has been going on for 14 years and has mostly worked well. I say mostly, because our friend is not into talking about what we do. We see him for an evening of chatting and drinking and then we all go to bed around midnight. My wife then goes to the guest bedroom and they fuck for usually abour 40 mins to an hour and she returns to me. She says that it has taken her years to get him to fuck her the way she likes and when they first started he was useless. He is also completely silent throughout and never pays her a compliment.

The next morning he never mentions the night before and that's how he seems to prefer it. I've been out with him alone and tried to ask him what he likes doing with her best etc. but he gives answers like 'I'm not sure' and can't look me in the eye. He doesn't know about her previous experiences in clubs but my wife's told him that I am unable to penetrate her and it's my kink that I get off on them being lovers.

I've told him that she wants him to be more affectionate with her when we're all together but the nearest he gets to that is that they always sit on a sofa together when he visits and my wife will stroke his hair but he doesn't reciprocate. As soon as I leave the room he will iniate kissing but breaks off as soon as he hears my footsteps returning!

Around 4 years ago he stayed over prior to a business meeting on a Sunday night. He fucked her as usual that night but on Monday morning I had to take the kids to school. Before I left the house, I went to his room and said "I'''l be gone for 40 mins on the school run, she's desperate to fuck you again so as soon as I leave, take her to our martial bed and fuck her." He didn't reply but on my return he was ready to leave for his meeting and we said goodbye. My wife was still in her nightdress and took me to bed and spread her legs to show me his fresh load dripping out of her.

Of all the experiences we've had, this was the best. Driving away and leaving her alone with him was simply awesome. We did a similar thing 2 years later when he stayed in a hotel and I dropped her off for the afternoon while I took the kids out. When I collected her later, he'd had her twice.

That evening we all went out for a drink and had a good night. He held her hand underneath the table and kissed her when I went to the bar and couldn't see them and they cuddled a bit on the back seat of the car as I drove him back to his hotel but even then I had to tell him to sit in the back with her!

As we dropped him off my wife announced she was going to walk him back to his room, despite her telling earlier that the afternoon session had left her sore. She emerged 30 mins later and he'd had her for the third time.

It's unlikely that we're going to continue with my friend for various reasons but those three occasions where I hadn't been present have made me realise that I have a major desire for her to have a lover that she sees independently of me. This ties in well with our circumstances as we have a major problem getting childcare. The best solution would be for her to go out on dates while I stay home with the kids and she returns to tell me all about her night out.

We'd love her to find someone who will treat her like a girlfriend. She's said a few times that her ideal lover would be a man who she has a friendship with and can trust to go bareback with. I'm very happy for her to have what I call an affair within our marriage and she's keen to try this.

We'd always considered ourselves Stag & Vixen but we've recently begun to wonder if what we're looking for makes us (or her) Poly in some way?

Can anyone advise how we might find a guy that would understand our kink without having to go to swingers clubs or swingers websites?

My wife and I are on a similar path so perhaps I can help. Just like you I approached her and expressed my desire for her to fuck other men, we communicated a lot and finally reached a mutual decision to enter the lifestyle. When we first started we didn’t know what to expect or what we wanted and it has always been a learning experience.

She started out lightly going on dates , some fooling around etc. but got to experience the fun of meeting new people and being desired and experiencing some physical intimacy outside our marriage even if it was just kissing. About a year in she finally slept with someone else, it wasn’t mind blowing she enjoyed it but it was a once and done. She fulfilled some fantasies of hers ( seducing an older executive type and fucking him on the first date after being wined and dined) met a younger guy and carried on a month long affair of porn star sex , and a few other dates in between. About a year and a half ago she met a guy on SLS and they hit it off really well, she didn’t sleep with him until almost the third date.

It became a regular thing and they would see each other no more than once a month but it was casual. He was never married and had no intention of doing so and never had kids , he has been in the lifestyle his whole life and wasn’t looking to settle down or interfere in anyone’s marriage.

Last winter they started to see each other more and developed a close friendship along with great sex. She went on other dates and it made her miss him and he has told her that he has been on dates as well and no one compares to her either. She had sex with him one night in the spring staying over night in his hotel room after a night out to dinner drinks etc. she said it was different because they made slow love for an hour ! He was looking at her differently as well. She realized it was more than just sex and gradually during the summer they would see each other more most of the time having sex but going on dates without sex as well. He clearly enjoyed her company and didn’t just want to get laid.

Fast forward to the end of this past summer she started to have unprotected sex with him (she has an IUD) and she said him cumming in her has made her feel more of a bond and she senses it on his part too. Their monthly dates have turned into weekly dates with her sleeping with him once a week now and another over night trip planned next month. She still likes her freedom to have an occasional one night stand and doesn’t feel jealous if he does the same. They both agree to only have unprotected sex with each other , so even though they also have an open relationship with each other their individual bond is special. My point is that relationships in this lifestyle don’t work like conventional relationships, they need to evolve slowly which I think makes it
More transparent as well.

For all purposes they are boyfriend and girlfriend.she didn’t start out looking for a boyfriend or know what to expect as we thought of ourselves as stag/vixen. While it started out as a sexual fetish for me and does continue to turn me on , it’s so much more than just sex it truly is a lifestyle but a very fulfilling one. I wouldn’t have it any other way and neither would she. We make sure to never make her boyfriend feel like the third wheel or an object to facilitate our sexual fantasies. She doesn’t compare us to each other , she isn’t looking to him for what she isn’t getting from her marriage etc. she embraces this lifestyle and understand that you can love two people at the same time for different reasons.

For your wife to find the same she won’t find it if she is looking for it, she needs to let things unfold organically and develop. Dating can be fun but also frustrating, we thought it would be easy for my attractive young fit wife to find someone to get laid with and that was hard enough, finding someone who wants to date a married woman while not expecting more is even harder.

[NewtonBlade]

Our situation is kinda like the OP, my wife R and I have been together 24 years, married 22, with a 23 yo son. Second marriage for her, third time for me.

Sticking to the relevant information, R was single for a dozen years after her divorce, her ex had custody of their two children (long, sad story). R began dating a married man before her divorce was final, and was under the impression that he was about to leave his wife, but never did. She did eventually have a baby with the guy, but I'm trying to stay on point. She worked at the local NE OH world renowned medical facility as an RN, and with thousands of employees found herself very popular in a large dating pool of like minded people looking for casual fun after a stressful day at work. Her hometown had a lively nightclub scene at the time as well, so being without her kids R, as a smoking hot 34 yo divorcee, dove head first into the dating scene, with plenty of success. She's passed along a ton of hot stories from those years, I'll recount if anyone's interested.

Flash forward about 25 years, R and I have our 11 yo and been married 10 years. Marriage going slowly off the rails, I found a good looking divorcee a couple towns over and had a two year fling. R caught me, got a lawyer, and was ready to move out within a couple weeks. We had been invited to a good friend's daughter's wedding, and I was able to convince her to go with me for appearances sake.

At the reception we ran into one of her more serious flings from her single years. R spent half the evening dancing and hanging out with him and his wife, while making it obvious that I was getting nothing but cold shoulder. On the drive home, she told me that he hit on her hard (obvious) and that the four of us were going out to dinner the following weekend. Of course I agreed, because it might turn into a chance to fix our marriage.

After the dinner date, R told me that her former lover, B, had pretty much begged her to go out with him because he was determined to "lift her skirt one more time before I die". If I wanted to stay married, I had no choice but to accept it, so I did.

Today, twelve years later both ours and B's marriages are still intact. R and B have continued and grown their relationship, from a 2-3 hookups a year to overnighters, weekends, and a couple of week-long getaways in the past year, with my full support.

R and I are appreciating each other and in love again, fully enjoying our early retirement years. None of this would have been possible without our chance meet-up with B, which got us on the road to reconciliation.

R and I don't use the technical terms, but yeah, we're clearly poly now. Earlier this year, B's wife bought a house in NJ near her family and began splitting her time between here and there. When B's wife is away there's just an understanding between the three of us that she'll be with him, usually staying at his place a week or so at a time. We don't keep track, but at this point, R probably makes love with him as much as me and honestly, we're all happy with that.

There's a real likelihood that my wife will be spending a couple months with B at a condo on the Gulf this winter, pending some family stuff the next few weeks. I've said for years, no doubt about it, B saved our marriage.

[Cucklove101]

My wife and I been in the cuckold/hotwife lifestyle going on 4years. Also started out meeting strangers a few BBC gentlemen for her to enjoy infront of me. Until she finally met someone she enjoys being sexual with. That led to our 1st time her playing solo. After that we soon admitted she wanted more of a connection more of a boyfriend situation than just a fuck buddy. Fast forward we are 3years in and she started a new job and meets a guy at work who is totally into her. Things started slow of course talking at work having lunches together here and there and with my support and encouragement they started texting outside of work until he finally invited her out. And the kick off them dating and by the 2nd date she found out he was very hung and turned her on a lot. With them working together and see each other outside of work she started seeing and enjoying him a lot more. It made me more her cuck and him more her man... 5months in I fully respect and support them as a couple

[Des 31]

So far in your experience, I would say you and your wife are more of a hotwife sort of relationship as my wife and I are. But many of these extramarital marriages can fall into more than one category, dependent upon whose opinion you hear.

Either way, my wife and I consider yours to be a normal way of marriage. Or - at least, this has become normal for us.

[snoogaloo82]

We have been together for 25 years, very happily married with a family and decent careers.

Very early on in our relationship I confessed to my wife that I was aroused by the thought of her being with another man. Once she realised that I had zero interest in any other women, she was fully on-board. Our initial fantasy was to try a mfm threesome and which we achieved with a guy we just met at a swingers club.

Within 5 minutes we soon realised how awkward and clumsy an mfm can be and I just sat back and watched them fuck. From thereon, watching became 'our thing'. We spent the next few years visiting clubs and my wife had a number of one-offs with guys. We kept in touch with a couple of guys who she hit it off with on a personal level and met one of them at our and his home a few times but ultimately, she said that she wanted a lover who wasn't a swinger and seeing other women, because she hates condoms and also wants a 'connection' with a guy instead of (as she calls it) the coldness of swinger sex.

Our solution was to invite a very old friend of mine. It took some time for him to pick up on our hints but once it started it became a regular thing where she'd fuck him every time he stayed with us while he was travelling on business in our area. This has been going on for 14 years and has mostly worked well. I say mostly, because our friend is not into talking about what we do. We see him for an evening of chatting and drinking and then we all go to bed around midnight. My wife then goes to the guest bedroom and they fuck for usually abour 40 mins to an hour and she returns to me. She says that it has taken her years to get him to fuck her the way she likes and when they first started he was useless. He is also completely silent throughout and never pays her a compliment.

The next morning he never mentions the night before and that's how he seems to prefer it. I've been out with him alone and tried to ask him what he likes doing with her best etc. but he gives answers like 'I'm not sure' and can't look me in the eye. He doesn't know about her previous experiences in clubs but my wife's told him that I am unable to penetrate her and it's my kink that I get off on them being lovers.

I've told him that she wants him to be more affectionate with her when we're all together but the nearest he gets to that is that they always sit on a sofa together when he visits and my wife will stroke his hair but he doesn't reciprocate. As soon as I leave the room he will iniate kissing but breaks off as soon as he hears my footsteps returning!

Around 4 years ago he stayed over prior to a business meeting on a Sunday night. He fucked her as usual that night but on Monday morning I had to take the kids to school. Before I left the house, I went to his room and said "I'''l be gone for 40 mins on the school run, she's desperate to fuck you again so as soon as I leave, take her to our martial bed and fuck her." He didn't reply but on my return he was ready to leave for his meeting and we said goodbye. My wife was still in her nightdress and took me to bed and spread her legs to show me his fresh load dripping out of her.

Of all the experiences we've had, this was the best. Driving away and leaving her alone with him was simply awesome. We did a similar thing 2 years later when he stayed in a hotel and I dropped her off for the afternoon while I took the kids out. When I collected her later, he'd had her twice.

That evening we all went out for a drink and had a good night. He held her hand underneath the table and kissed her when I went to the bar and couldn't see them and they cuddled a bit on the back seat of the car as I drove him back to his hotel but even then I had to tell him to sit in the back with her!

As we dropped him off my wife announced she was going to walk him back to his room, despite her telling earlier that the afternoon session had left her sore. She emerged 30 mins later and he'd had her for the third time.

It's unlikely that we're going to continue with my friend for various reasons but those three occasions where I hadn't been present have made me realise that I have a major desire for her to have a lover that she sees independently of me. This ties in well with our circumstances as we have a major problem getting childcare. The best solution would be for her to go out on dates while I stay home with the kids and she returns to tell me all about her night out.

We'd love her to find someone who will treat her like a girlfriend. She's said a few times that her ideal lover would be a man who she has a friendship with and can trust to go bareback with. I'm very happy for her to have what I call an affair within our marriage and she's keen to try this.

We'd always considered ourselves Stag & Vixen but we've recently begun to wonder if what we're looking for makes us (or her) Poly in some way?

Can anyone advise how we might find a guy that would understand our kink without having to go to swingers clubs or swingers websites?

How about trying the US or the International Personals forums here on this site?

[trecital]

Maybe he's tried that already!!!

[CaliLondon]

We had good success with Feeld. Met a guy and seven months later we are going strong. Very few flakes or time wasters on it.

That said, I wish there was just one forum on this site and that would be Compersion. On the Hotwife site, if someone mentions they touch another man's penis during play, they are immediately slammed and told to go to the Cuckold site. The same applies to the Stag/Vixen site and even the Poly site where people believe a certain set of rules need to be played by to fit into that category.

We've met with Neil somewhere around 15-18 times over the last seven months and each time it's been a bit different, with the three of us probably fitting into every category at least once. To not do so seems boring as anything.

What I would hope in all of these male-driven forums is that the underlying philosophy is wanting our spouse/partner to have pleasure and for us to be able to share in that. Like how Des mentioned that we fall into different categories, but we're still after the same goal, our partner to have pleasure.

[snoogaloo82]

We had good success with Feeld. Met a guy and seven months later we are going strong. Very few flakes or time wasters on it.

That said, I wish there was just one forum on this site and that would be Compersion. On the Hotwife site, if someone mentions they touch another man's penis during play, they are immediately slammed and told to go to the Cuckold site. The same applies to the Stag/Vixen site and even the Poly site where people believe a certain set of rules need to be played by to fit into that category.

We've met with Neil somewhere around 15-18 times over the last seven months and each time it's been a bit different, with the three of us probably fitting into every category at least once. To not do so seems boring as anything.

What I would hope in all of these male-driven forums is that the underlying philosophy is wanting our spouse/partner to have pleasure and for us to be able to share in that. Like how Des mentioned that we fall into different categories, but we're still after the same goal, our partner to have pleasure.

First off great to hear about how your experience with Feeld was. It's great to hear that its working the way that you had hoped!!

I have to agree. We're all here essentially for the basic reason we want our wives or significant others to be able to enjoy other people sexually in their lives in one format or another. There are many ways to express that caring.