Re: New developments
Posted: Fri Dec 01, 2023 9:35 pm
They are special moments and the weekend overall went very well. But there is still a lot for all of us to process and sort out. This is all so, so different from Jen’s earlier relationship with my friend Dan. In that case Jen and Dan had known each other and developed loving feelings for one another over a period of many years before they ever became intimate. I knew of their attraction and love for one and actively encouraged Jen to take things to the next level and become physical.
In the current situation Jen and Bart had this rush of an attraction right from the start. I was not part of it at all - in was Jen’s idea to pursue it. Things just seemed to be happening so fast.
Here are some thoughts I shared a few days ago in a PM with another poster on this site who was kind enough to hear me out:
“This is such a deeply personal and complex situation. Many of the posters on OHW seem to focus on the sexual activity, amplified by the taboo breaking behavior of married women (often their own wives) who are exploring these forbidden but thrilling pleasures. I certainly plead guilty to that, I admit to being hugely turned on by Jen being with other men. Reading the honest posts on OHW have helped me to understand this quirk of my own makeup.
But I think for me the really important issues are the emotional ones and the challenges they pose for everyone involved - most especially Jen. What is happening now is so different than anything she has experienced before. In her earlier polyamorous relationship with my former best friend, the loving side of their connection built up during 20 plus years of friendship before they crossed the line and became physical with one another. All three of us had already adjusted to the reality of their very strong emotional connection long before it became physical.
Now everything is different. Jen met Bart on that flight, they exchanged numbers after just a few hours of conversation. She then initiated their first date not long after - and slept with him for the first time that very night.
That was in June. Since then they have managed to get together another half a dozen times, for periods of as long as three days to as short as one overnight. While the sex was good from the start and has only gotten better, it is the growing power of their emotional connection which has been the true hallmark of the relationship this past six months.
Neither of them has spoken the “L” word so far and Jen denies that she is feeling that way - yet. But to me as an
observer it looks like two people who are falling in love with one another. I especially felt it this past weekend. On Saturday morning they came into the house from
the apartment over the garage fairly early in the morning. When I came down from the master bedroom they were sitting side by side at the kitchen table, him in sweats, Jen in a long robe, sipping their coffees while contentedly talking quietly and chuckling with one another. From the look in Jen’s eyes and the rumpled nature of her hair I had no doubt that they had been intimate just moments before. And when I say intimate, I don’t mean just sex but rather real lovemaking. I am sure you understand the difference.
That moment brought up lots of emotions for me - and I think for Jen too. I am not sure either one of us knows 100% how to handle it.
It is hardest for me to understand what is going thru Jen emotionally as she discovers that she has unexpectedly fallen in love with another man while still loving me.”
Jen and I continue to talk about things every day. We will just have to see how this is going to sort out in the long run.”
In the current situation Jen and Bart had this rush of an attraction right from the start. I was not part of it at all - in was Jen’s idea to pursue it. Things just seemed to be happening so fast.
Here are some thoughts I shared a few days ago in a PM with another poster on this site who was kind enough to hear me out:
“This is such a deeply personal and complex situation. Many of the posters on OHW seem to focus on the sexual activity, amplified by the taboo breaking behavior of married women (often their own wives) who are exploring these forbidden but thrilling pleasures. I certainly plead guilty to that, I admit to being hugely turned on by Jen being with other men. Reading the honest posts on OHW have helped me to understand this quirk of my own makeup.
But I think for me the really important issues are the emotional ones and the challenges they pose for everyone involved - most especially Jen. What is happening now is so different than anything she has experienced before. In her earlier polyamorous relationship with my former best friend, the loving side of their connection built up during 20 plus years of friendship before they crossed the line and became physical with one another. All three of us had already adjusted to the reality of their very strong emotional connection long before it became physical.
Now everything is different. Jen met Bart on that flight, they exchanged numbers after just a few hours of conversation. She then initiated their first date not long after - and slept with him for the first time that very night.
That was in June. Since then they have managed to get together another half a dozen times, for periods of as long as three days to as short as one overnight. While the sex was good from the start and has only gotten better, it is the growing power of their emotional connection which has been the true hallmark of the relationship this past six months.
Neither of them has spoken the “L” word so far and Jen denies that she is feeling that way - yet. But to me as an
observer it looks like two people who are falling in love with one another. I especially felt it this past weekend. On Saturday morning they came into the house from
the apartment over the garage fairly early in the morning. When I came down from the master bedroom they were sitting side by side at the kitchen table, him in sweats, Jen in a long robe, sipping their coffees while contentedly talking quietly and chuckling with one another. From the look in Jen’s eyes and the rumpled nature of her hair I had no doubt that they had been intimate just moments before. And when I say intimate, I don’t mean just sex but rather real lovemaking. I am sure you understand the difference.
That moment brought up lots of emotions for me - and I think for Jen too. I am not sure either one of us knows 100% how to handle it.
It is hardest for me to understand what is going thru Jen emotionally as she discovers that she has unexpectedly fallen in love with another man while still loving me.”
Jen and I continue to talk about things every day. We will just have to see how this is going to sort out in the long run.”