Intro- That was fast(ish)

[Badapple39]

Hi everyone. I lurked here for about a year trying to understand if this kind of life was for us!
What happened was I needed a change. I needed to spice up our sex life. I needed to have a relationship with better communication. We love each other very much but come from very conservative introverted families but we aren’t so introverted. I always felt like taboo things were taboo and so did she so they were never spoken of, sex included. We were never so innocent. We met 20 years ago and have been married for 15. We did all the dirty deeds before were married but have been 100% faithful. We do have small children.
Boom Covid hits and I am working from home, she isn’t. I’m trapped with our kids and eventually I burst. I am feeling ignored and I am not feeling desirable. I got upset and said things need to change and I go for a walk to think about what it was. I was definitely watching porn a lot and felt terrible about it. I always searched for wife fantasies. Wondering what would turn her on and then I stumble onto this site. Which has been a blessing and a curse. I’m not into humiliation. Quite the opposite. I eventually tell my wife I had a dream about her with another guy, which was true, as it has been a top watch for me in porn. This was a year ago. She says no, but doesn’t tell me over the course of a year that she’s warming up to it. We watch every show that has been known for women to love. Sex Life, Outlander, Bridgerton. Over that time I use cute and sexy pictures of her in dresses and create memes with sayings I have read on other memes or I make up my own. I ask her if anyone hit on her or flirts with her at work and she rolled her eyes every time and said no.
Then a few weeks ago we start becoming friends with a couple who also have children. What was supposed to be a dinner date night turned into a night in separate hotel rooms but we drink and my wife tells them my fantasy. We play kinky card games and truth or dare. She was dared to straddle and kiss him( closed mouth) and his wife turns the lights out and he sneaks in some tongue. Which my wife felt guilty about. I assured her that she should not and I love that she gets to be herself without judging or shame from me. The other guy is a people person very confident and can throw around money. Wife has all the expensive brands, we shop cheap. Anyway. I know she has a crush on him because of his confidence. I’m confident but not so openly. I could probably use more confidence but I was raised to be humble and non threatening. I was always very confident in bed though. (Her words not mine). So we start spending almost every Friday or Saturday night with this couple drinking. We share a group chat and the attraction between him and her is practically making my phone drip. The wife doesn’t chat much but I do. However I feel I get in the way of their flirting escapades. The flirting isn’t as strong in person. Maybe cause I’m there? Anyway I wasn’t expecting my wife to tell them my fantasy and I think that’s why we became such good party friends.
My wife wants to fuck him, her words. He wants to have sex with her, his words. But he told her when I was passed out. His wife wants to watch. I’m not sure what I want. Maybe watch them start, leave the room, come back?
I should have prefaced that we have all had sex in the same bed together. We are all usually very tipsy and inhibitions are lost. So the night might come this week where we go to their place. All the kids fall asleep around 2 am and either I start with my wife and she eventually moves to him, then I don’t know what I’ll do. Watch? She hasn’t really told me what she envisions and even is still shy where she doesn’t like to say what she wants. The shame is there but the hormones over power her in the heat of the moment.
We are both in our late 30s, have only had each other.
My wife makes me feel very loved. I trust her to no end. Yea, I have angst but I trust her so much. Every once in a while I stop focusing on them and think about her and us and I get confused. Old dog new tricks. I’m not possessive but I have my pride. It’s slowing me down when she can’t open up more. But I don’t want to pester her either. She said I can pull the plug on all of this, but I have been benefitting from this and her confidence is through the roof. I love her and I want that. I am not looking for any tips. I just wanted to introduce myself and share this.
I left from typing this to corner my wife in the laundry room while we are hosting some family. She grabbed me and asked if I wanted to get lucky later.
I’m not the biggest fan of her crush. Super nice guy bit a little too cocky for my friend zone but I force it. I love her libido levels now so much and she wears lingerie I buy her. I’m sorry for the format of this message. I am using my phone to type it up.

[afagehi7]

I thinking with my D here but could you watch while going down on the wife? Would that be an option? Join in for a spit roast while the wife watches?

[Badapple39]

Two things there. I havent really gotten any hints if the other wife is into me to want to do that. Though my wife did give me permission.
The other, I don’t know what my wife wants. She said she doesn’t know. I’m trying to get her to open up more. She’s come this far, I would thing she has an idea how she wants it to go. We have always just rolled with the punches. I think she likes that. I think she likes doing and not thinking. That’s not to say she doesn’t consider my thoughts at every turn. She’s a do-er not a thinker. Her words not mine

[2inUPMichigan]

The two of you need to slow down before someone gets hurt and talk about what each of you wants and doesn't want out of this - openly and honestly.

Drinking before every play session is a concern. Do the two of you need liquid courage to go through with it? If so, it may not be the right choice. A drink or two isn't an issue.
I personally will not play with anyone who drinks more than two drinks because I need to make sure that they can control their impulses and will respond correctly if I say NO to something. It is a safety issue.

If your wife doesn't know what she wants, then she needs to figure that out Maybe if she doesn't think about it, she doesn't have to face the thoughts in her head? Maybe she doesn't have to deal with all those mental hurdles many of us have dealt with.

Because being a hotwife is not just a matter of answering the question "do I want to have sex with someone else?" It is so much more than that!
Does she see herself as monogamous or non-monogamous?
What are her thoughts about other people finding out? Or does she want to tell anyone? Has she told you why she is doing this? Has she said she feels any different and if so can she describe it? Does this affect any other part of her life?

Just a few things to consider.....

Good luck to both of you

[Badapple39]

I agree, there needs to be conversations and communication with the other couple while sober. I’ll say something. For right now I think my wife is just super attracted to the other guy. She likes his confidence and his look. She thinks this fun. I’ll talk to her tonight.
Thanks for the pro tips. I feel honored.

[zorro]

Your wife is interested, you are interested. I concur that there is a lot more sober conversation that needs to take place, in the light of day and not naked with each other in the bed. You two sound like great candidates for hotwifing. I look forward to hearing more about where you two go with this. It could be a wonderful builder of pleasure and intimacy. Or it could go off the rails if you two don't communicate more adequately. I would tell you to be careful, but you don't want any advice, so I won't.
So, I will wish you two great happiness and fulfillment!

[Pufferfish]

I wouldn't say it in such a way as 2inUP said, where I think someone will get hurt, but I do see there are a lot of caution flags being thrown around and suggest that everyone needs to slow down and evaluate what is going on before things get more crazy.

In your posts Badapple39, there is a very common theme: "I think". You say the words "I think" a lot. When the problem is that you should know for certain, because you've talked about it and explained it explicitly. You should never go through with something serious that you can't even talk about with each other. If liquid courage is needed in order to have that conversation, fine, but have it you should. I don't think drinking before you all play is a concern at all, as long as you know what everyone's intentions are when they're sober too.

Before you all go through with anything further you should know what your wife likes about this scenario and wants out of it. She should know what you like and what concerns you have. You should know what THE OTHER wife thinks and wants, in regards to her husband, your wife, and you. You should know what the other guy wants. And you've said what "you think" you know about a lot of that, but don't really seem to know anything for certain. There definitely needs to be conversations, at least between you and your wife and what you both want, not just impulse. If what your wife wants is just be impulsive and do whatever, then that's a decision in and of itself, as long as you have that conversation that says where the line in the sand is, if there is a line.

But all that's out of the way, once the ground rules are set, when you can all just relax and have fun, I think you'll all have a great time. And I can't wait to hear about that.

[SilverStag]

BY all means have open, sober discussions about each other's needs and desires. Include the other couple.

Consider though, that many times we want what is different than what we have just because it is different. Certainly, your wife enjoys the difference between the other guy and yourself. Consider, then, that the other wife may also wish to try "different" and that might be you. You are on the precipice of opening up a lot of doors for sexual exploration. Once you have established the mutual trust and confirmations as mentioned here by others, step through the door.

[Mr1SexyGILF]

I cringe when reading your story. I strongly encouraged my wife when she was younger (roughly your ages) to drink heavily, so we could enjoy uninhibited sex. I ignored all the warning signs of addiction, because I was thinking with my dick. Yes, she became quite a slut, including fucking a couple dozen different guys in a few years.

This is a story, I have never completely shared here at OHW. Alcohol addiction consumed her life. She spent 3 years in prison. When she got out, she was able to stay sober for 4 years, and then had a terrible 18 mo relapse that destroyed her physical health. She has now been sober for 3+ years, and is slowly regaining her physical health.

I’m not suggesting everyone that drinks to enjoy sex, will become an alcoholic, but I sure wish someone would have warned me of the impending dangers. PLEASE find a way to have open honest conversation about sex, even if it requires counseling, regarding exploration of her/your sexuality, and enjoy that journey without the alcohol.

Respectfully, Mr GILF

[Badapple39]

So the entire thing has been out on hold. The prospective couple have kids and they have been and still are ‘sick’ with fevers. We actually feel ghosted. Which is fine. We were trying to be friends with them too and I just don’t think being friend couples with benefits is for me.
This bought us a lot of time to talk about everything and I don’t think I was prepared for the emotional roller coaster. I’m starting to think the fantasy is safer for me than the reality. I also started to dislike the guy. He would tell me wife behind my bike what he wanted and would also do this when his wife wasn’t around. Makes me wonder if they even talk about what he says. Seems sneaky. Anyway. We couldn’t iron anything out because of illnesses. I think my wife and I have both lost the desire for them to be anything but friends.
Also, I just have forgotten my password, so it took me a long time to post this.

[whosbeensleeping]

It's good that you talked.

[Badapple39]

Hey everyone. I guess I need a little help. My wife and I, 39, 37, found the couple above as a fun match. But as our friendship grew I hit a lot of bumps in the road. I was starting to feel like a bystander. That and then we started spending so much time with them that I started to become less attracted to this couple. We started off fast friends but over time I became uncomfortable with them. My wife has found she loves being friends with them. I became uncomfortable because of a sort of double standard for my behavior and my wife’s. I would be told I’m doing something wrong and she would be applauded for the same fun behavior. He also wouldn’t respect my wishes to not drink alcohol and would pressure me to and would act offended if I didn’t. Bully! We were fast friends and things like that made me feel less like a friend. So I had less interest in being friends. I made it clear that I didn’t want to play with them because of this lack of trust. Eventually it turned into me not even wanting to be friends with them but my wife wants to maintain her friendship with them. They are neighbors with kids the same age as ours after all. Now I get upset when she is friends with them. She called the potential sex fun possibility as one and done because of how abominable I speak of them when they aren’t around. They are now her friends and not mine. She will see them often while helping with kid care etc. recently she spent a lot of time with the wife in their hot tub just chatting. Kids were around so no funny business. Now I get jealous. Ugly J word, I know. My wife has lost no love for me but sex talk has taken a huge decline because we used to use their names in bed. We either are going vanilla or I need to switch gears and focus on what we thought was fun without mentioning them. I keep proposing web sites to meet other couples but she isn’t ready. Also with our busy lives, trying to cut out time for play is difficult. Them, being around the block, was convenient but at the same time, too close to home, in my opinion. I don’t miss them or regret my take on them. Time is heeling. My wife isn’t the best communicator and I don’t blame her now that I sort of cut myself off from those people. She even understands but is just trying to maintain the friendship because she’s social and likes having more friends. We need to work on our communication in regards to all this. I would like to bring it up without getting upset with them. if all we were was friends with them, that would be great but I’m afraid I just see him in a poor light. Mental hurdles for me. Has anyone else gone through something like this? I miss the dirty talk but I don’t miss him. He is recently retired and had all the free time in the world to text us both (his wife was in the chat too but never really responded) in a group chat while we work. It just became overbearing to me. I like to separate work time from friend time. It wasn’t a sexual chat. It was just annoying to me.

[Wantsomefunto]

I think you answered your own question, you need to work on communication with your wife, see what her expectations are with this couple. If you ignore her and the relationship she has with them, the hot tub times are going to become more than just chat. Especially since he is retired and has all the time in the world to seduce your wife. You make it sound like she has the hots for him, and his wife is ok with them hooking up.

[Badapple39]

If my wife communicated that she wanted to go up there and be naughty and that I had no choice, gave me a big kiss and ran up there, I’m pretty sure there’s nothing I could do about it and I would finally enjoy the angst because that would be some great communication! Lol
It’s being friends with them. Ha. I can not stand him.
If she had a side text I wasn’t involved in and didn’t have to read, I would be better with that. But I’m just so annoyed by him. He’s a know it all but not, bossy but childish. Meh I just can’t be friends and my wife would rather be friends than a hotwife. So. One and done.

[Wantsomefunto]

Ask her if that is what she wants?

[Gulfcpl]

I don’t think either one of you know what you want. You’re all over the place.

[Badapple39]

We are learning.
We just met people. That weren’t our people.
They were selfish and had stalker qualities.

[Gulfcpl]

At the start of this, it seemed there was a 75 percent chance of this happening. The 25 percent uncertainty seemed to his wife. It’s not really clear if she is onboard. It also seems that the other guy would get with your wife regardless of what you or his wife thinks. I’m only speculating.

This new turn of events and the fact that you don’t care for him should be a crystal clear sign that this isn’t a good situation.

[trecital]

If you don't like the guy, and from the description you give of him I don't blame you, then this won't work.
Best to just keep it at the fantasy level for now, but also keep open the possibility of something more real for the future.
Remember, fantasy and role play are controllable, and fantasy 'others' always do as you want, and respond in the right way.

Unless you like the idea of your wife having sex with your 'enemy', in which case you might have the ideal opening.

[Badapple39]

I’m not interested in playing a victim to this guy. It’s one of the turn off about the situation. Also turns out that what was happening was ruining a good friendship.
My wife and I are definitely in the early stages of an alternative lifestyle.
We talk about anything. Not exactly everything though because we just don’t know how to want what we say.
The dirty talk is off the charts but the PTSD from the last experience makes it just a fantasy.
However, I consider that to be a huge stride. Because now it’s our fantasy to share or swing. Not just one sided.
Now it’s time for dirty talk and perhaps one day more.
Just not friends. At least not with any of our current friends at the moment. We lead such busy lives that we need chill fun time just more than the lifestyle times.
Slowly growing. Slowly developing.

[54321]

Because now it’s our fantasy to share or swing. Not just one sided.
Now it’s time for dirty talk and perhaps one day more.
Just not friends.

Good. It sounds like you've got the beginnings of an agreed plan.
Time for more discussion and then, perhaps, you two can instigate some action.

54321

[snoogaloo82]

Hi everyone. I lurked here for about a year trying to understand if this kind of life was for us!
What happened was I needed a change. I needed to spice up our sex life. I needed to have a relationship with better communication. We love each other very much but come from very conservative introverted families but we aren’t so introverted. I always felt like taboo things were taboo and so did she so they were never spoken of, sex included. We were never so innocent. We met 20 years ago and have been married for 15. We did all the dirty deeds before were married but have been 100% faithful. We do have small children.
Boom Covid hits and I am working from home, she isn’t. I’m trapped with our kids and eventually I burst. I am feeling ignored and I am not feeling desirable. I got upset and said things need to change and I go for a walk to think about what it was. I was definitely watching porn a lot and felt terrible about it. I always searched for wife fantasies. Wondering what would turn her on and then I stumble onto this site. Which has been a blessing and a curse. I’m not into humiliation. Quite the opposite. I eventually tell my wife I had a dream about her with another guy, which was true, as it has been a top watch for me in porn. This was a year ago. She says no, but doesn’t tell me over the course of a year that she’s warming up to it. We watch every show that has been known for women to love. Sex Life, Outlander, Bridgerton. Over that time I use cute and sexy pictures of her in dresses and create memes with sayings I have read on other memes or I make up my own. I ask her if anyone hit on her or flirts with her at work and she rolled her eyes every time and said no.

...

I’m not the biggest fan of her crush. Super nice guy bit a little too cocky for my friend zone but I force it. I love her libido levels now so much and she wears lingerie I buy her. I’m sorry for the format of this message. I am using my phone to type it up.

Maybe you might have posted this on the Intro forum, but this is cool, too. You've got yourself a cool situation. Please keep us up to date as things progress, cool?

[Badapple39]

The guy turned out to be a bit of a social media stalker. We 100% had a falling out with that couple. It was dramatic and really immature. Even though I didn’t like the couple for months. She still tried to be friends. My wife didn’t see what I saw until he started to ghost us and then all the suddenly wanted to be best friends, only to ghost us again. I got sick of it before my wife did but when they tried to revamp the friendship the last time, I wasnt interested anymore. It lost the allure. Then they ghosted us again. The next revamp turned into me just ignoring them. They called me out and insulted me. My wife didn’t stand for that. Now it’s over. Good riddens. Imagine a spoiled brat only wanting friendship when it’s convenient. That’s who they were. It was exhausting. The fantasy was hotter than the reality. My wife was heartbroken to lose the friendship. The sexual tension was addicting and fun. Everything else in between was strange and just not worth the fun. His ego, pride, and poor interpersonal skills were their undoing. Luckily we never got to the point of swapping or hotwifing. A learning experience, yes. I would say this isn’t the end but it’s a huge hiccup. My wife and I are noobs. That couple was not the right one at this point in our lives. Needless to say. However it made us stronger. Maybe we will have a new story but right now we need to repair ourselves and choose more wisely.

[snoogaloo82]

The guy turned out to be a bit of a social media stalker. We 100% had a falling out with that couple. It was dramatic and really immature. Even though I didn’t like the couple for months. She still tried to be friends. My wife didn’t see what I saw until he started to ghost us and then all the suddenly wanted to be best friends, only to ghost us again. I got sick of it before my wife did but when they tried to revamp the friendship the last time, I wasnt interested anymore. It lost the allure. Then they ghosted us again. The next revamp turned into me just ignoring them. They called me out and insulted me. My wife didn’t stand for that. Now it’s over. Good riddens. Imagine a spoiled brat only wanting friendship when it’s convenient. That’s who they were. It was exhausting. The fantasy was hotter than the reality. My wife was heartbroken to lose the friendship. The sexual tension was addicting and fun. Everything else in between was strange and just not worth the fun. His ego, pride, and poor interpersonal skills were their undoing. Luckily we never got to the point of swapping or hotwifing. A learning experience, yes. I would say this isn’t the end but it’s a huge hiccup. My wife and I are noobs. That couple was not the right one at this point in our lives. Needless to say. However it made us stronger. Maybe we will have a new story but right now we need to repair ourselves and choose more wisely.

So sorry you guys had to go through all that! Better luck next time I hope.

[54321]

A learning experience, yes. I would say this isn’t the end but it’s a huge hiccup. My wife and I are noobs. That couple was not the right one at this point in our lives. Needless to say. However it made us stronger. Maybe we will have a new story but right now we need to repair ourselves and choose more wisely.

Good for you!

54321