Jealousy - What were the less obvious things?

[nerdyhubby]

Not trying to brag just giving background. So far in our exploration jealous feelings have not creeped up. She has played solo, we did some threesomes, made out with some potential 3rds on initially meeting. None of which has brought up any negative feelings. However I am very cognizant that it could happen, just that I have not been exposed to the right trigger.

So for experienced couples what were the non-obvious and surprising things that brought up jealousy? Were they easier or harder to process?

[fireman]

Everything she does with him makes me jealous! That’s kind of one of the reasons we do it. I really think the day I don’t feel the twinge of jealousy is the day we will hang it up. Of course those are good feelings of jealousy though. There were a few things that created some negative moments for me. Her boyfriend and I share the same hobbies, so when she went to go do that with him, what we normally do together, it took a bit thinking through for me. Another would be when she has a marathon fuck session, comes in way to sore to fuck again and wants to wait till the next morning…I tend to get a little ass hurt. But once again it’s not something I can’t wade through and understand.

[annsman]

The times I got jealous were when she’d tell him totally innocuous things about her day that she didn’t think of telling me. They weren’t private or intimate, just things that came up in everyday conversation.

[SilverStag]

There is a fine line separating jealousy from the "angst" many here crave. It is a matter of degree for most.

Aside from all communications being transparent and available to the uninvolved partner, we also enjoy mutual, no-questions Veto power over each other's playmates. That does a lot for removing the jealousy, in knowing that anytime either of us gets too concerned that something is going too far (when you are too close to, or a part of the problem perspective is limited-so another pair of eyes sees things we cannot), we can intervene.

[nerdyhubby]

Thanks, now that you mention this I can see it being the type of thing that might irk me out of the blue. I will be sure to be mindful that it truly is innocuous, just 2 people chatting.

The times I got jealous were when she’d tell him totally innocuous things about her day that she didn’t think of telling me. They weren’t private or intimate, just things that came up in everyday conversation.

[Farmgirl]

Thanks, now that you mention this I can see it being the type of thing that might irk me out of the blue. I will be sure to be mindful that it truly is innocuous, just 2 people chatting.

The times I got jealous were when she’d tell him totally innocuous things about her day that she didn’t think of telling me. They weren’t private or intimate, just things that came up in everyday conversation.

I'll agree with annsman. The few times that my Number1 gets a little bothered are when I share some innocent information with a lover before I happen to tell him. It doesn't always bother him, it's seemingly tied to if he is extra stressed. And, I try to not do it anymore, but sometimes I slip up as it's just innocent everyday chatting and truthfully, we both know it .

[Des 31]

Jealousy sometimes creeps into these sorts of relationships, and that was true for me when she first began dating other men. I would not then admit it over concerns she might just quit to avoid causing me discomfort. I soon realized that the jealousy actually contributed to my excitation. That went away after a time. I don't tell my wife who she should or should not date. Her preferences are her business and if it's good for her, it's good for me.

Nowadays, I don't consider myself the jealous sort but those feelings have come about at times. My philosophy is to keep those occasional feelings to myself. I wait a while before admitting to my wife that I had pangs of jealousy over one man or another but she knows I actually like it when that comes about. Each of us fully trusts the other and we have good communication. I know she would never risk our marriage over hot sex with someone else, so that isn't a problem for us.

~ Des

[JC207]

This is an excellent topic to discuss as it is often glossed over or completely ignored in the fantasy BS. While it affects everyone differently, it is always there to some degree.

I will give some examples in a later post when I have more time.

[Liveurlife]

Never jealous of her with another man. I’ve gotten envious when we’ve been with another couple and the other husband is just rocking my wife’s world while I’m over here stuck with his wife who might as well have been reading a book.

Yeah I know it might have been my fault she was bored but I’m the one answering the question so I get to say it was all her fault.

[CurvyNerdMILF]

This is an excellent topic to discuss as it is often glossed over or completely ignored in the fantasy BS. While it affects everyone differently, it is always there to some degree.

I will give some examples in a later post when I have more time.

I agree whole heartedly with this. Jealousy is a reality. It might not come in the beginning of the hotwifing experience, but I cannot imagine that anyone who actually cares about their partner wouldn’t feel it eventually, if not about the sexual interactions, then in terms of emotional intimacy or even just displays of affection.

My husband’s first big outward display of jealousy was when my bull called me “baby,” and he saw my face. (He never uses affectionate diminutive terms with me.) But he didn’t try to make me change my behavior—he leaned into the feeling, and we explored it.

[nerdyhubby]

Thank you Curvy with your experience. I could see myself having some jealous angst around this as well. How did your husband lean into the feeling and what did exploring that entail?

My husband’s first big outward display of jealousy was when my bull called me “baby,” and he saw my face. (He never uses affectionate diminutive terms with me.) But he didn’t try to make me change my behavior—he leaned into the feeling, and we explored it.

[nerdyhubby]

Thank you JC207, I look forward to reading some of your experiences.

This is an excellent topic to discuss as it is often glossed over or completely ignored in the fantasy BS. While it affects everyone differently, it is always there to some degree.

I will give some examples in a later post when I have more time.

[JC207]

Similar to CurvyNerdMilf's comment, jealousy doesn't always set in right away. The first IRL meeting is likely to be full of nervousness on both the husband and wife's part. That first time, the sex is rarely earth shattering or life changing. But as we progressed and my wife became more comfortable with the dynamic, I saw changes in her that were both enjoyed and concerning.

My moment of real jealousy hit after watching her with a man who was a total superstar in bed. The orgasms he gave her were intense and repeated and my ego took a beating that night.

I've gone through stages of feeling like I was no longer the primary person in her life and many many nights of "why are we doing this" thoughts as I lie awake.

As someone said above, if you were'n't jealous at all, then you need to consider whether you truly love her. Personally, I struggle to watch or be present in the same room while my wife enjoys her friends. When this was just a fantasy, I thought it would be great and I would enjoy it. Not so much in reality. We've settled on the fact that just knowing she regularly entertains other men is enough for me. On the rare occasion when I am at home during an event, the sounds from the other room keep my stomach in knots the whole time.

We know a couple through the lifestyle that started as swingers and moved to the HW thing about 10 years ago. I asked him once how he handled jealousy. He laughed at me and said, "I decided that it could either consume me or I could just manage it and talk to her if it got too bad." That ended up being sage advice that we've used as well.

Be careful out there. Once the genie comes out of the bottle, she won't go back in without a fight.

C

[CurvyNerdMILF]

Thank you Curvy with your experience. I could see myself having some jealous angst around this as well. How did your husband lean into the feeling and what did exploring that entail?

My husband’s first big outward display of jealousy was when my bull called me “baby,” and he saw my face. (He never uses affectionate diminutive terms with me.) But he didn’t try to make me change my behavior—he leaned into the feeling, and we explored it.

This moment came after a multi-year discussion of how important I (and others) find terms of affection and what it feels like to us when my husband doesn’t use them. Both of our children feel similarly to me about nicknames and the like. The older one has specific nicknames that he prefers for himself and others, while the little one and I think it’s hilarious and emotionally satisfying to make up all kinds of silly names for each other.

I feel like nicknames and terms of affection are part of how I feel special to someone, that I feel theirs, not in terms of possession, but in terms of either friendly or passionate attachment. Something like: I feel affection for you that can’t fit into words, so I’ll convey it like this instead. JS is also uncomfortable with the nicknames that some of my college friends use with me, not because of an sexual or romantic quality to them (the friends who use them are mostly male, but platonic, brotherly connections) but because they are really specific “in-jokes” from a part of my life that precedes him.

Interestingly, when one of our sons stopped using a baby-ish nickname for him, JS had a real experience of being on the other side of this. He felt very mournful that the sweet little boy-daddy bond was changing into something less familiar as our son matures.

In the specific case of “baby” being used, we just spoke about it. JS said that he could see from my expression that it made me feel something powerful (valued and special, I guess) in that moment, even while I knew that it was part of a sweet seduction rather than a more expansive relationship. And I told him that affectionate language like that does resonate deeply with me, but that he also gives me even stronger feelings of being really uniquely precious to him in other ways.

[cuckoldcpl4fun13]

My husband has said he gets jealous when he feels I am starting to leave him out or not include him. Not so much physically but to him it's all mental and if he isn't in the game mentally, he feels like this isn't an us thing but instead a me thing.

[trecital]

In the early years of my wife and boyfriends relationship I would get jealous if he wanted to take her out and do something non-sexual. For example he bought tickets to take her to see a pop concert. Also he asked her to go with him to parties of his friends, where he couldn't invite me too, as I wasn't known to them. I got left alone at home, and didn't like it at all. I had to put a stop to it. I was happy for her to go to his place for sex, but the other activities seemed too much like he was trying to 'romance' her. I suppose it wasn't just jealousy, it was insecurity.
I would sometimes feel jealous, after I'd cum, if he carried on the sex with her, especially if it was passionate stuff with lots of kissing etc. I'm jealous that he makes her cum, and I don't.
When she got to know him more, she eventually told me she would never leave me for him. That made the jealous feelings much less strong. Jealousy or insecurity?
These days the jealousy is rare, and doesn't last long.

[bltn1966]

Marie made a video for me. I wasn’t bothered by her having intense orgasmic sex with him. It was happen afterwards that bothered me. They cuddled!!! She had her head on his chest as they talk. Every now and then she would look at his cock and stroke it. For some reason that made me jealous.

What made me supremely jealous was when a guy fucked her with both legs wrapped behind her head. I didn’t know she could do that. Marie was orgasming so much she didn’t remember getting in that position. Marie claimed she didn’t know she could do that either. Her mouth hit the floor when I showed her the video proof.

[Outlaw]

I had to work one Saturday night. My wife went to the swing club alone. I thought I'd be ok. That experience made me question the lifestyle. It took a few days. Then I got past it. For whatever reason, I was pissed when I got off work.

[Aushotwife89]

Great topic, I’m wondering if I meet with someone how hubby will handle the jealousy. But as most have said it must be part of the turn on for him.

[zorro]

Sometimes (maybe more often than not), I feel moments of jealousy when R starts kissing the guy we're with. It feels extra intimate, more so than when she's being well fucked and orgasming. Not sure why, but it has that negative valence.
But if I just sit with it, the negative feelings pass and I get to savor all the delicious feelings that go with sharing her.
So, I don't worry about it all. I just go through, and we're fine.

Like many men here, I don't feel jealousy around sharing the woman I love, just compersive pleasure. Ultimately, I think compersion as the opposite of jealousy is the remedy for jealousy.

[MoreGodzillas]

In the beginning, seeing her kiss someone passionately hit me in the gut. Not so much anymore, I find it beautiful and arousing. It's almost my favorite part. The other thing that bothered me was her being able to do certain positions with other guys that are uncomfortable for her when we do it. Mainly legs up with her feet in her face. For some reason we can't do that anymore because it hurts her. It hurts her with some guys, but not others. I've learned to not be bothered by those kind of things anymore, but in the beginning, it really did set me off because I took it personal.

[wny3somecple]

When she played alone with a guy I really did not like. A guy in out neighborhood who I found a bit obnoxious others thought him confident. Originally I used our agreed upon veto power when it came to including someone we knew. Eventually she pulled out the never before heard off veto override ability (which really was just a discussion about the situation. She had sex with him a bunch of times over 3 months, him thinking it was behind my back. I often felt jealous but then again we had some great "angry" sex after her visits with him.

[sherulestherooster]

Sounds weird but I felt more jealousy/angst over her making out/kissing as part of foreplay than the actual sex. Seemed more intimate I guess? Weird, I can’t explain it.

[Oilem]

I think when they cum together, it is a anxious and jealous period to ride out. Then there is the post coital period where they moan at each other for awhile.

[PANTIES]

Don’t laugh, when the three of us go to dinner and she sits on his side. He will at some time start feeding her from his plate using his fork. This is the start of things happening later in the evening .

Pauline