Finally Told wife I want her to Hotwife

[ThePerfectHubby87]

Hello Hotwives,
Last night I finally confessed to Wife of 12 years that I have a hotwife fantasy. I was so nervous as I love her so much and didnt know how she would take it. She has never even thought about sleeping with other men since we have been together. She is a little more conservative when it comes to sex so I expected this to be a shocking revelation.

I was shocked that she seemed to take the news very well. She said she didn't think it would ever happen but was happy I was able to share this with her. She said the Hotwife idea was kind of hot and empowering but it was new to her because she never thought about being with anyone else. She had 9 partners before meeting me and I think she only enjoyed sex with 1 before me or so she says lol.

She said she wants to let the thought marinate for a while. Can I please get advice from hotwives that never thought they would do this. What should my next step be? How long should I wait to bring it up? I have the feeling once she can wrap her head around the idea she may be interested. What should I prepare for in the coming days or weeks.

Thank you for letting me share.

[2inUPMichigan]

Welcome to OHW ThePerfectHubby87

Congrats on having "the talk"! Now that you have jumped that hurdle you need to give her some space to think it over. Definitely be prepared for whatever questions she might have. If you aren't sure of the answer this site can be a good resource.

My first reaction was hurt and anger and a big "No!" But my curiosity had me asking questions and looking for answers.

If it was last night I would say in a couple days if she hasn't already brought up the subject ask her if she had any thoughts or questions that you could help answer about becoming a hotwife. Then let her lead the conversation and see where it takes you. If she doesn't want to talk about it at that time let her know you are there for her whenever she wants to talk about it. At that point the ball is in her court.

Looking forward to hearing how it turns out.

[ThePerfectHubby87]

Thank you for the advice. I was so shocked I wasn't immediately shut down that it has been hard not to bring it up again. I think she wants me to drop it for a while. What would you suggest for dipping the toe if she brings it up down the road?

[respectabullinma]

Learning to communicate sexually with openness and honesty is a learning process because... well, let's say short answer society/shame. When you aren't in the habit of talking about fantasies and desires openly, sometimes the impact of dropping a relative bomb on your partner is a lot. Giving her time to think about it is always a great idea, as this can take some processing. So first thing, if you didn't agree at that time about coming back at a specific time to talk would be to just bring it up like "I know you asked for time to think about it, and that's ok. I just want to be able to talk more about it, answer any questions you have about it, when you're ready. I just would like to follow up and talk more when we have time to do so."

The thing to remember is that when she does come back and talk to you, you need to be able to talk to her about EVERYTHING. Why you want this. What you'll get out of this. Is this just a trick so you can fuck other women. ALL OF IT. And you need to have answers and be willing to open up with honesty. The only real path to her accepting this empowerment is to understand your part in it. Being successful in this lifestyle demands that kind of open, honest communication. You have to open up and trust your partner to show them that this can work. And this process is work. So be patient, be honest and good luck!

[ThePerfectHubby87]

I will definitely take your advice. I will post updates. Fingers crossed. I love my wife and she deserves the best life has to offer.

[parklife]

In addition to the above, I would also suggest being open to incorporate the idea in your sexlife as fantasy if she’s open to it. That could take the tract of sitting back and watching while she enjoys playing with a dildo and letting her know how hot it is watching another cock slide inside of her. When I brought it up, it was a hard “never gonna happen” but she didn’t‘t mind Incorporating it into our play and she enjoyed having me sit off to the side while she used a chair and a dildo to fuck and asked me if I liked watching. Or I held the larger dildo at my pelvis while fucking her from behind simulating someone else. At some point she admitted to me about a dream with another guy at her job and we used that in fantasy. We named her largest dildo after a guy she had previously mentioned was the largest she’s ever had. The fantasy became a part of our seclude for 8 years before she was actually ready to move forward in reality (after confirming I was still interested in it happening f in reality).

The journey, in some ways, is better than the destination. More controllable and you only get the fun parts. Don’t rush thru it.

So yes, be there for questions, be there to talk in a non-sexual environment but at some point, look to add it as fantasy role play in some way shape or fashion and enjoy the process.

[RetiredSnowbird]

The fact that she wants to let the thought "marinate" suggests to me that she wants to become a hotwife but is afraid of the consequences. She could be worried that, while you may want her to fuck other men, you could change your mind and hold it against her once she does. Or that you may be using it as a bargaining chip so you can fuck other women. Or that friends and family may find out and her life would be ruined. Etc., etc.

Almost everyone here would say that communication between the two of you is essential. Actually it's honesty, openness amd communication that's essential...at least in my book. I would suggest you bring it up within the next 2 to 4 weeks. It could be during sex but, ultimately, you should be able to talk to her about it outside the bedroom in a more rational manner so that she sees it's not just your dick that is controlling your desires. Mind you, it may be worth asking her to tell you about someone she knows personally (and not just the usual Brad Pitt fantasies) whom she would fuck if she would not suffer any negative consequences.

Throughout all this, I think it's imperative that her fucking other men be seen as a fun experience for all that will bring added intimacy between you and her. Make the next few weeks or months a time that makes her lust for life itself.

Good luck.

[ThePerfectHubby87]

Quick update. Wife hasn't brought it up but said she doesn't want me to act like it's a big deal. I haven't mentioned it except once when we were about to climax together. I asked her if she was my hotwife and she said yes and then boom. It was a lot of fun. I haven't brought it up once since then as I'm trying to be patient. I did see she has done some of her own research. I think this is promising as long as I don't f this up.

[bubbajack]

" ..once when we were about to climax together. I asked her if she was my hotwife and she said yes and then boom.".



You're on your way to fucking your sweet "conservative" wife's naughty pussy full of some other guy's cum!

Best of luck going forward - with 9 cocks plus yours now having been in and out of that pussy, it seems farfetched to think she hasn't done a lot of private thinking about what sex experiences she would like to enjoy provided they were safe and private. I think you have more surprises about what she really thinks coming

[ThePerfectHubby87]

I hope you're right. I'm a little nervous she is only trying to make me happy. She has never been able to be open about those 'private thoughts'. I'm enjoying the build up though. I can't wait for her to be more open with me about her fantasies. I will say we have had sex every night since I told her. Either way I'm a lucky guy. I will provide more updates and seek more advice as it comes up.

Thank your for the encouragement and advice.

[armyguyot1]

It can work both ways. My wife was a virgin and conservative and I treated her like a princess. I didn't realize that when she booked sex experiment weekends for us that she was willing and wanting to experiment with more and more. She blew me in and elevator and on a balcony in Hawaii. She booked an upscale place for us that had a little privacy and she fucked me and blew me in every room and the lawn. They don't want to admit how sexual they are. They let men think we are driving the train and getting them more and more kinky when at many times we are actually holding them back. They are held back afraid to admit to their husband that they love sex and want more. The husband was looking for a virgin to marry and present to his mother. After we marry then we want them to turn into a slut and that's the part they have to be completely sure of is that we change from what we thought we want to what we really want.

[ThePerfectHubby87]

I would love to get some opinions from hotwives. Is this going to smooth? Do you think it's possible she's trying to not make me feel bad about opening up? Other than being patient, any tips?

[SilverStag]

I can't speak for the ladies, but in my experience, if a woman says she wants to let it marinate, then let her do exactly that. I'm sure she is mulling over all of the impacts this may have on her and you and your relationship, developing questions, and, apparently, seeking answers from those who have been there. Let her drive the bus on this. Staying in the conversation when it is appropriate, as you have indicated, is very good. When she is ready for more info or action, she will let you know. In the meantime, enjoy the ride.

You might tell her you found this site in your research and that there is a fairly anonymous way for her to investigate the idea, then offer her the benefit of becoming verified here so she can be asking her questions and concerns to the HW's on here. Most women trust another woman's opinion more than that of a guy...that's natural.

[RetiredSnowbird]

It may not be too long before another hotwife earns her wings

[elina]

Thanks for sharing.

I would suggest that you should be very attentive to your WIfe going forward now.
If She is contemplating becoming a hotwife, you need to make Her confident that She can do this without risking Her marriage.

Give Hr compliments, buy Her flowers.
When She asks you to do something, housework or whatever, just do it and smile.

Tell Her you love Her and that she is sexy.
Get into the habit of licking Her pussy if you are not already doing this.
Don't push for Her to take a lover, just tell Her She is so sexy and deserves to enjoy Herself sexually.
If/when She raises the topic again, tell Her you just want Her to be happy and the thought of Her being able to be satisfied by other males turns you on, and will She please share with you so the two of you can enjoy the experience together.

Sincerely
elina
(submissive male so don't mistake this as advice from a hotwife)

[subbieCuck]

Hello Hotwives,
Last night I finally confessed to Wife of 12 years that I have a hotwife fantasy.....

Hi mate and congrats for taking the step. I know it takes courage to do it. May I ask, was your marriage plain vanilla or was she familiar with any parts of the bdsm-verse?

[ThePerfectHubby87]

Hello Hotwives,
Last night I finally confessed to Wife of 12 years that I have a hotwife fantasy.....

Hi mate and congrats for taking the step. I know it takes courage to do it. May I ask, was your marriage plain vanilla or was she familiar with any parts of the bdsm-verse?

She has been 100% vanilla up to this point.

[ThePerfectHubby87]

Last night before we were going to have sex again my wife had a confession. She said she isn't ready for this and said she didn't want me to call her my hotwife during during sex. I let her know it's ok and it's not something we would never have to do. I was definitely a bit dissapointed but I didn't let her know. I told her I was happy she told me how she felt. I guess I'm now going to be in the very long 'hopeful she brings it up down the road' stage.

[slenderfish]

Perhaps it would be useful to thank her for her openness. That you have this desire and were holding it secret for all this time, wondering if you would be safe in sharing it with her. That you decided you could trust her with your "little secret" and are so very pleased that she didn't shame you or tease you, etc.

This is a place of reaffirming your vulnerability to her, which is really a positive thing for people, and in many cases more so for a woman.

I can't see any real downside to doing this, but plenty of upside.

[harmankard]

As Elina stated, great cuckolding starts with housework. Start doing that, let it sit for a while. Pore your focus into that activity. Let it sit for months. Maybe wait until spring when the weather opens things up and she’s happier.

Sean

[Lookingforadventure]

Last night before we were going to have sex again my wife had a confession. She said she isn't ready for this and said she didn't want me to call her my hotwife during during sex. I let her know it's ok and it's not something we would never have to do. I was definitely a bit dissapointed but I didn't let her know. I told her I was happy she told me how she felt. I guess I'm now going to be in the very long 'hopeful she brings it up down the road' stage.

I'm sorry it went this way, but it sounds like the two of you have a very solid relationship. It is great that you could share your desire with her and that she was able to honestly consider it for a time. It is also great that she could tell you that she isn't ready for that. Becoming a hot wife is a huge deal...at least it felt that way to me. I needed time to think it through. I needed to feel like it wouldn't harm our marriage in any way. And I needed to figure out if it was something that I wanted to do, or if it was just for him.

Since you and she are having this open communication right now, maybe ask her to share some of her fantasies with you. They don't have to be things that you ever live out in real life, but the more you understand each other's sexual desires the stronger (and potentially more fun) your sex life can be. And who knows, maybe she'll want to revisit the hot wife idea again in the future.

[subbieCuck]

Hello Hotwives,
Last night I finally confessed to Wife of 12 years that I have a hotwife fantasy.....

Hi mate and congrats for taking the step. I know it takes courage to do it. May I ask, was your marriage plain vanilla or was she familiar with any parts of the bdsm-verse?

She has been 100% vanilla up to this point.

I feel you. Wishing you all the best.

[ThePerfectHubby87]

Last night before we were going to have sex again my wife had a confession. She said she isn't ready for this and said she didn't want me to call her my hotwife during during sex. I let her know it's ok and it's not something we would never have to do. I was definitely a bit dissapointed but I didn't let her know. I told her I was happy she told me how she felt. I guess I'm now going to be in the very long 'hopeful she brings it up down the road' stage.

I'm sorry it went this way, but it sounds like the two of you have a very solid relationship. It is great that you could share your desire with her and that she was able to honestly consider it for a time. It is also great that she could tell you that she isn't ready for that. Becoming a hot wife is a huge deal...at least it felt that way to me. I needed time to think it through. I needed to feel like it wouldn't harm our marriage in any way. And I needed to figure out if it was something that I wanted to do, or if it was just for him.

Since you and she are having this open communication right now, maybe ask her to share some of her fantasies with you. They don't have to be things that you ever live out in real life, but the more you understand each other's sexual desires the stronger (and potentially more fun) your sex life can be. And who knows, maybe she'll want to revisit the hot wife idea again in the future.

I think tonight I will try to end on a high note. Reassure her about everything you mentioned. Maybe throw out that if she ever has a change of heart we can revisit the idea. Thank her for considering it leave it at that. This whole thing has definitely opened our communication about sex up. I guess I got ahead of myself. We had the most sex we have had the last week than we have had in years. I thought maybe the thought of having sex with others was appealing to her. Do you think her opinion could change when she's able to let her mind explore it more on her own?

[Nearnorth4livin]

Im sures shes thinking about it ..give her time but make sure you know exactly what your asking for ....i thought we were almost there here but kinda blew up due to lack of communication n back to square one..live n learn they say..lucky for you to find this site early on so you can read others stories n have a better understanding of this stuff..

[RetiredSnowbird]

I really think that many (if not most) wives love the thought of fucking a man other than their husbands. Is that to say that they would spread their legs or open their mouths for someone else? Not necessarily. Some have been conditioned to believe that marriage is the ultimate experence for a woman and that anything leading up to it is simply preparation for marriage and having children. And anything else outside of marriage is either a sin or fraught with danger, whether it's getting pregnant by someone else, picking up an STD or being exposed to social disgrace if the wife's affair ecomes public.

Although social atttudes and norms may be changing, your wife may still need convincing that you are are serious about this and that you will love her regardless as to whether or not she has sex with someone else. Also, she may not be sure if you can handle it or not. I've been coming to this Forum for much, much longer than I've been a member and I don't know how any times a husband has come here and said how much he wants his wife to fuck other men; yet, once she does and she finds out how great the experience was, all of a sudden the husband feels threatened, expresses a hissy fit, calls his wife a slut, etc. etc. Even if you aren't that kind of guy, your wife may have doubts about your ability to handle it.

Sex is one of the most powerful forces affecting humankind. Wars have been fought over it, and it's well worth remembering that. Continue your honesty, openness and communication with her if the situation permits. Regardless, she may never gree to it. On the other hand, some husbands have given up mentioning it only to find years later that the wife resurrects the possibility.