Hello from MD

[budg282]

Hello all,

Husband here, mid-40s, married to my beautiful wife for 20+ years. We've been talking about non-monogamy for the last couple of years, and in the last few months, the hotwife dynamic has resonated with me the most. We're currently talking, learning, and fantasizing about the lifestyle which by itself has ramped up our collective libido and sex life. That's how I stumbled upon this site.

To be honest I was not expecting much from this site; I imagined something like a group of all guys sharing nudes in a cringeworthy fashion. But to my delight, it's really a thriving sex-positive community full of sexually empowered women and cheerleading, supportive husbands/boyfriends sharing advice and experiences from their lives. So yeah, happy to join the group!

[armyguyot1]

Welcome to the forum budg282. We try. We like it the way it is and work hard to keep it that way.

[2inUPMichigan]

I wasn't sure myself when I first arrived here years ago!

I wanted to give you a heads up - the VHW (verified hotwives) all have bright blue names if you or your want to read their stories/comments specifically

2inUP
VHW Admin

Welcome to your new home

[athlete915]

Welcome! I’m new to the website as well and like you, I was drawn to the overall quality of discourse. Way too many sites that cater toward the cringeworthy content that you mentioned.

Given that you two are still at the fantasy stage, I would recommend posting any questions or concerns that you have at the moment. There are lots of boyfriends/husbands, girlfriends/wives, and lovers/bulls that can offer their two cents. Give them a read and see what works best for you two.

Best of luck.

[budg282]

Welcome! I’m new to the website as well and like you, I was drawn to the overall quality of discourse. Way too many sites that cater toward the cringeworthy content that you mentioned.

Given that you two are still at the fantasy stage, I would recommend posting any questions or concerns that you have at the moment. There are lots of boyfriends/husbands, girlfriends/wives, and lovers/bulls that can offer their two cents. Give them a read and see what works best for you two.

Best of luck.

Thanks for the suggestion. There really is tones of great info on this site, from the personal journeys to specific questions. I really liked your thoughtful piece about the bull perspective.

[budg282]

I wasn't sure myself when I first arrived here years ago!

I wanted to give you a heads up - the VHW (verified hotwives) all have bright blue names if you or your want to read their stories/comments specifically

2inUP
VHW Admin

Welcome to your new home

That you for the note about the blue names. . . that tidbit went right over my head. So far we've really enjoyed the stories--they are both heartfelt and hot! Someone from reddit recommended this site and I've found a depth and authenticity here that you just don't get on reddit.

[afagehi7]

I wasn't sure myself when I first arrived here years ago!

I wanted to give you a heads up - the VHW (verified hotwives) all have bright blue names if you or your want to read their stories/comments specifically

2inUP
VHW Admin

Welcome to your new home

That you for the note about the blue names. . . that tidbit went right over my head. So far we've really enjoyed the stories--they are both heartfelt and hot! Someone from reddit recommended this site and I've found a depth and authenticity here that you just don't get on reddit.

That is why we're the best on the web.

[athlete915]

I really liked your thoughtful piece about the bull perspective.

Thank you for the feedback! I appreciate it.

I’m curious if you and your wife have discussed what you two are looking for in a partner and what the relationship would look like?

[budg282]

Your posts have a level of reflection and intention that, to me, goes against many of the common stereotypes about bulls. Please keep posting!

You ask a great question and the short answer is that we don’t know. This site really makes it apparent through the journey stories just how important it is to have a shared vision to get behind before acting. Not that there wont be audibles along the way, but I think we need to find the dynamic that gets us both excited.

One thing is the level of attachment. We’re not looking for a poly-style boyfriend but at the same time probably not looking for a human sex toy either. Likely somewhere in the ‘friends with benefits’ umbrella where there is a rapport and chemistry.

Another question is my level of participation. . . as in would she play solo, would I be there and not participating, or would I be present in an MFM threesome? In different ways, all have appeal to me, but we haven’t identified the exact dynamic yet.

For me personally, I am more drawn to celebrating her sexual freedom and empowerment and not into to being submissive or humiliated. However, as we’ve explored online, I’m now a little more open to a light level of teasing that doesn’t get to humiliation.

These are jumbled thoughts, I know, but we’ve still got a lot to figure out!

[athlete915]

Your posts have a level of reflection and intention that, to me, goes against many of the common stereotypes about bulls. Please keep posting!

Thank you once again.

Sadly, the bar for bulls seems to be, “don’t be an arrogant prick” and yet, most can’t seem to clear it. In the end, the bulls are guests in the marriages and are being given an incredible gift by the cucks. I don’t care how sexually capable you are, it doesn’t justify being rude or a jerk. Also, there is a massive difference between being naturally dominant and cocky.

“These are jumbled thoughts, I know, but we’ve still got a lot to figure out!” Guess what? You’re doing great. You’ve managed to admit your desires to her, she has been receptive, and it sounds like it has improved your sex lives. That’s awesome. If you two never move beyond this fantasy stage, you can still be happy about this.

You two should only move forward if and when you are comfortable and ready to do so. Learn from others, but don’t feel pressured by others.

“I think we need to find the dynamic that gets us both excited.” That’s ultimately the most important thing. If you two do want to move beyond the fantasy stage, I would recommend discussing the more practical aspects of what playing would entail. Take the conversation out of the bedroom, pour yourselves some adult beverages, and talk about what you two do and don’t want. Don’t worry, those out-of-the-bedroom conversations will lead to lots of fun bedroom play afterward. But out-of-the-bedroom conversations will give them a level of seriousness that is hard to achieve when you’re also trying to get off

This is far from exhaustive, but a couple of topics to consider are the following. First, what traits (e.g., physical, sexual, personality) do you both find desirable in a partner (yes, you get a vote here too)? Would you prefer being with a friend or a stranger? Are you looking for something long-term or short-term? Where would the play occur? What would be your role? Would she be more comfortable having you there or playing alone? Most importantly, what are your redlines? What are the things neither of you will compromise on?

“One thing is the level of attachment.” Speaking of important topics, this is a great one. I just responded to a question about this on my bull’s perspective thread.

In general, I think most women need at least some level of emotional attachment with any long-term partner. The most important thing though is that you never want those emotions to get out of control and come at the expense of the marriage. Your partner needs to clearly understand his role/place and only have good intentions towards your marriage.

“Another question is my level of participation. . . as in would she play solo, would I be there and not participating, or would I be present in an MFM threesome?” Again, a perfect discussion topic. A complimentary question is to ask your wife what would make her most comfortable, especially for those first sessions. Would having you watch make her feel safe and protected? Alternatively, would your presence be a distraction and make her more nervous than anything? Assuming that her playing solo is not one of your redlines, I would recommend going with whatever is most comfortable for her.

You want those first couple of sessions to be as comfortable and enjoyable as possible. If they go well, they will provide you with a chance to start exploring all the other aspects.

If and when you watch, pay attention to what feels “right” to you. Maybe you can’t keep your hands off her and want to be a more active participant. On the other hand, no pun intended, you may find that active participation would distract you from watching her and seeing her pleasure (wait until you see her face the first time she cums with someone else…).

“For me personally, I am more drawn to celebrating her sexual freedom and empowerment.” I laugh that we’re all a bunch of feminists. How else can you explain a bunch of men talking about how to please and support women? That’s why I always come back to saying that if done right, this lifestyle offers the best of both worlds to the wives (don't worry, there's plenty of fun in it for us).

“Not into being submissive or humiliated.” And that’s okay. A cuckold is simply a man whose wife sleeps with other men with his knowledge and support. That’s it. It doesn’t necessitate dom/sub dynamics or any other kinks. Some of those tend to be correlated with cuckold desires, but they are not deterministic. In the end, do what feels right for you. Even if you do explore teasing or submission at some point, it should always be done with the intent of enjoyment and pleasure. It should never be abusive or cruel.

Thanks again and looking forward to hearing back from you!