My introduction & why I am "HesitantHannah"

[Shiphead]

HH,
I appreciate you coming back to update us. I realize it is difficult because you may feel that the somewhat angry responses may feel like personal attacks. But please realize that people want to help to guide you into the LS so you can have a good experience.
IMO, no one thought you were going to become involved with your employees. It is just the situation your husband put you into. I can't remember any other post where a husband made a more unintelligent move before. If you reward him for the possible mess he made for you and your family. It will leave him more opportunity to continue hurting you and your family's company. He just doesn't seem to get the damage he may have caused you. To just act like what he did was okay, makes you a part of the problem. You really need to make sure the employees know that it wasn't right or acceptable. That you weren't involved. So you need to show his actions have repercussions. To let the employees see that nothing happens when they make a purposeful disrespectful action, is giving away your strength as a leader they can respect and follow.
At home and maybe a later time you can decide to join the LS, but repair things first professionally and make sure he doesn't ever do anything without your approval.

[elina]

Dear Hannah

Thanks for joining OHW, it is very good to see a Lady's perspective.

I can understand that you are still hesitant, and understand that you are still not quite sure how your husband will react if you actually do decide to become a Hotwife.

I would suggest that you tell him that you will consider this, but then he will have to make some comitments;

1) Your husband has to accept that you alone decide who you want to be intimate with, when and how frequently.
2) Your husband is not allowed to have any extramarital affairs.
3) Your husband will not share any information on your life-style except if he has your permission.
4) If you do engage as a hotwife, You and you alone will decide for how long this will go on.
5) Your husband will be expected to support and obey you in all matters related to you cuckolding him.

You may be able to learn something from the following thread.

viewtopic.php?f=6&t=70896

This was started by a male who wanted his Wife to cuckold him, just like your husband.
The Wife decided to do Her own research and essentially told Her husband that if she started this, then he would have to decide that She alone would decide how to do this. She also started to contribute to Her husbands thread.

As you will see, there is absolutely no indication that She is regretting Her decisions.
I do not think you will either, but I do think you should make it very clear that if you are going to do this, it will be because you have decided to and if you enjoy it, you will control how it evolves.

If your husband cannot accept that up front, then I think you should be careful.

Sincere regards
elina
(Submissive male)

[Mkliny442015]

Hey Everyone.

I don't know how or where to begin so I'm sorry if this is an awkward introduction post.

I am Hannah, I'm 26 and have been married to my husband Josh (27) since 2018 but we have been "together" for almost 14 years now.

I found this website in January after an awkward Google search but didn't join until 6 weeks ago. Ever since then, I have been struggling with this "introduction." I have backed out of posting at least a dozen time because this just feels super uncomfortable to talk about to strangers on the internet especially on a website like this one.

So, why am I here then?

For the last 11 years, starting when we were first dating, my (now) husband has made me aware of his love and passion for the "hotwife" lifestyle and his obsession with the idea of sharing me with other men -- specifically black men. There are dozens of terms he has used but since this website is about the "hotwife lifestyle" I will stick with that.

Early on I thought it was funny, for a while I was hurt and bothered by it, and eventually I came to a place of kind of acceptance with it but have never been on board because I just couldn't get my mind around it or get over the mental hump of that being too extremee. He regularly over the last 11 years has talked about and tried to talk me into participating but I have always drawn the line at dirty talk in the bedroom, roleplay and other play between the two of us.

99% of our sexual interactions revolve around hotwifing/interracial sex/me "hooking up with another man behind my husband's back". It started with me watching pornography with him that fit those themes, progressed to him buying "bbc" dildos and toys and clothing that I would wear privately for him or underneath regular clothes in public, and he even purchased a "bbc" penis sleeve which we haven't used often because I do not really enjoy that.

Still, every holiday or birthday and many times at just random times he will beg me to consider having sex with another man/other men while he watches. and on birthdays and holidays I can't remember the last time he HASN'T made a comment about being disappointed that he didn't get the "gift he really wanted."

Last spring my father appointed me to replace him at the manufacturing & distribution company he founded 30 years ago and also hired my husband. We had been living a few states away since leaving for college and this allowed us to get back home, have much better income, and be closer to family since we have been talking about starting our own.

It is a small company (under 30 employees) including my husband there are 24 men 17 of which are black. This obviously has been something that my husband has used for role-play scenarios but last fall I was informed that he was showing/sharing sexual pictures and videos of me with some of the guys at work.

He eventually admitted that he had been sharing this type of thing for years with coworkers, classmates, friends, and others. He explained why he did it and liked doing it and I agreed that he could continue to share but only if he at least let me know he was doing it and who he was sharing it with/asked me if he could.

I thought that might fulfill his whole "lifestyle" fantasy/desire but it only intensified it. Idk if it is just that time has broken down my resistance or if a decade of constant roleplay about this subject has desensitized me but I have found that I've been increasingly turned on thinking about this and roleplaying about this and have been considering since roughly last december fulfilling my husband's greatest fantasy and physically participating in the "hotwife lifestyle."

I've even discussed it with a guy who said he is willing to be our +1 BUT he would want to have sex with me one on one before involving my husband.

Because of him saying that had to happen first I've kind've backtracked to being hesitant again. because that would be a big step to take from where I've been for more than a decade.

My husband's birthday is on June 6th and IF I'm going to do this I thought that would be the perfect day to surprise him.

BUT I am worried that, despite what he says, this is just a fantasy for him and if we actually participated it would put our relationship in jeopardy.

How often do couples end up regretting this? I'm also worried about what happens if I enjoy this experience.

I am hesitant whether I should try this for my husband and for myself OR if I should just close the door on it forever.

Hi, experienced couple here . Five years ago I brought up this same fantasy to my wife, but also in doing so there were little clues before we were married that she was meant for this . I know many people on here will push you towards the goal post because it makes better reading and at the same time there are just as many people here who are supportive and non Judgmental. In fact I can say many of the people we have met in the lifestyle are some of the most genuine souls we have ever met.

In the beginning I was also anxious once my wife agreed for her to hurry up and fuck someone. She finally said one day “I’m the one who is having sex not you!” That always stuck with me. You have to want to do it, don’t do it for anyone else. The fantasy quickly dulls once it’s realized and the husband can almost become desensitized.

Most of all your marriage and relationship become paramount to everything else . If you don’t have a stable marriage, or you don’t communicate this isn’t for you . After awhile if you do decide to enter the lifestyle you will soon realize the sex is a small part of it, it’s a reaction to an action in the big picture of things. There is no goal post, it’s a journey . And when we started out to now our experiences and expectations did not always match fantasy or sometimes we exceeded fantasy.

I can say there are no regrets and we honestly couldn’t imagine our lives being monogamous, this is who we are. I often tell my wife that just because a woman is married doesn’t mean her sexuality should stop
Growing or evolving. I feel privileged to watch her grow and experience new partners , emotions and all the highs and lows that go with it. I tell her you can pick a beautiful flower and put it in a vase and it’s beautiful for a while but one person gets to enjoy it, or you can leave it in the ground and watch it spread and blossom each year and let everyone enjoy it. My wife in that analogy is the beautiful flower.

And lastly the world becomes very small. Don’t mix your work life and personal life , find a guy who doesn’t work for you . Also take it slow . Baby steps is the best advice. Go out on a date , maybe a kiss maybe just flirting . Ease into it. There is no other time like
The first time you have sex outside your marriage the first time , it’s like a second virginity but it only happens once . Treasure the time before and work up to
It. I wish you luck and always happy to give objective advice .

[HesitantHannah]

"you can pick a beautiful flower and put it in a vase and it’s beautiful for a while but one person gets to enjoy it, or you can leave it in the ground and watch it spread and blossom each year and let everyone enjoy it"


I have genuinely never thought of this in this way. If you pick a "flower" then only "one" person enjoys it and it eventually dies. But if you leave it in the ground then it can grow and be enjoyed by all.

NOT comparing myself to a flower... and I probably sound stupid, but this just resonated with me... like letting life be and letting it grow where it wants and just be out and open to whatever experience come along instead of stuck dying in a vase.

[Shiphead]

M442015,
Beautifully said. As they say, it's not the destination. It's the journey that matters.try it as they explained it. Enjoy the flirting with your husband watching. Fantasize in bed with hubby. Close your eyes and imagine someone else is having sex with you. Pick anyone famous or not, neieighbor or work person. Huge cock, more girth, whatever and whoever you can fantasize about. Maybe some porn of the type scene you imagine. Tell hubby it probably wont happen with that person. Just verbalize what you want the guy you are imagining will do when asked. Sometimes a blindfold and earpods with good music to fuck too. Tell your husband to do the same the next time and tell you what he is imagining is happening to you as he does it. Go out dancing alone or together and stand at the bar of a nice hotel catering business travelers. You can make out with them and let them get a little handsey. In fact that mighty work better in a club a distance from your home. Go with your girlfriends to a club.
Dance with guys and enjoy the view and scenery before you get to your destination.

[Mkliny442015]

M442015,
Beautifully said. As they say, it's not the destination. It's the journey that matters.try it as they explained it. Enjoy the flirting with your husband watching. Fantasize in bed with hubby. Close your eyes and imagine someone else is having sex with you. Pick anyone famous or not, neieighbor or work person. Huge cock, more girth, whatever and whoever you can fantasize about. Maybe some porn of the type scene you imagine. Tell hubby it probably wont happen with that person. Just verbalize what you want the guy you are imagining will do when asked. Sometimes a blindfold and earpods with good music to fuck too. Tell your husband to do the same the next time and tell you what he is imagining is happening to you as he does it. Go out dancing alone or together and stand at the bar of a nice hotel catering business travelers. You can make out with them and let them get a little handsey. In fact that mighty work better in a club a distance from your home. Go with your girlfriends to a club.
Dance with guys and enjoy the view and scenery before you get to your destination.

I would compare it to the precious times your kids are little. You don’t want them to grow up and you want to relive those “Firsts” and so you cherish each moment. As I said the “Sex” part of this is such a small factor . It’s the anticipation leading up to it, the flirting the attraction and excitement in all three partners . When my wife is on a date my heart races in anticipation when I get that text from the restroom and she tells me how it’s going . Many times she texts me to tell me the guy is a total
Loser and can’t wait to come home. It can be a rollercoaster of unknowns, and other times I don’t hear from her for a few hours and she texts to say she is going to his car. My mind wanders what comes next ? Sex? Kissing? Or just foreplay. After awhile you come to appreciate the bad dates as much as the good ones and also realize a good date is not always defined as ending in intercourse. The bad dates make you appreciate the good ones and vice versa. I ripped the “bandaid” off a long time ago after she had her first sex with another man. I use to hope every date she went on would be the one she would come home after having sex, now I get more excited by her not sleeping with a guy right away. I know it builds more anticipation for a second date. The guy always ends up chasing her and watching another man pursue my wife turns me on more than her having a random one night stand.

The first time I had the pleasure of watching her with another guy I remember how many hours of prep prefaced the date itself. Manicure, pedicure. Picking out an outfit and doing her hair and make up . Shaving smooth and finding the right sexy shoes, all those hours for about fifteen minutes of actual intercourse. Appreciate the moments in between, and after. The day after she is intimate with someone else I love the extra pep in her step, the afterglow on her face and confidence . The new relationship energy is intoxicating when she meets someone she really likes . Sex is a small part of it .

[Farmgirl]

Hi, experienced couple here . Five years ago I brought up this same fantasy to my wife, but also in doing so there were little clues before we were married that she was meant for this . I know many people on here will push you towards the goal post because it makes better reading and at the same time there are just as many people here who are supportive and non Judgmental. In fact I can say many of the people we have met in the lifestyle are some of the most genuine souls we have ever met.

In the beginning I was also anxious once my wife agreed for her to hurry up and fuck someone. She finally said one day “I’m the one who is having sex not you!” That always stuck with me. You have to want to do it, don’t do it for anyone else. The fantasy quickly dulls once it’s realized and the husband can almost become desensitized.

Most of all your marriage and relationship become paramount to everything else . If you don’t have a stable marriage, or you don’t communicate this isn’t for you . After awhile if you do decide to enter the lifestyle you will soon realize the sex is a small part of it, it’s a reaction to an action in the big picture of things. There is no goal post, it’s a journey . And when we started out to now our experiences and expectations did not always match fantasy or sometimes we exceeded fantasy.

I can say there are no regrets and we honestly couldn’t imagine our lives being monogamous, this is who we are. I often tell my wife that just because a woman is married doesn’t mean her sexuality should stop
Growing or evolving. I feel privileged to watch her grow and experience new partners , emotions and all the highs and lows that go with it. I tell her you can pick a beautiful flower and put it in a vase and it’s beautiful for a while but one person gets to enjoy it, or you can leave it in the ground and watch it spread and blossom each year and let everyone enjoy it. My wife in that analogy is the beautiful flower.

And lastly the world becomes very small. Don’t mix your work life and personal life , find a guy who doesn’t work for you . Also take it slow . Baby steps is the best advice. Go out on a date , maybe a kiss maybe just flirting . Ease into it. There is no other time like
The first time you have sex outside your marriage the first time , it’s like a second virginity but it only happens once . Treasure the time before and work up to
It. I wish you luck and always happy to give objective advice .

Very nicely put .

[stevens4fun]

Old guy here. Still married (happily) to my wife of 34 years after all kinds of "sharing" experiences. I'm in agreement with Elina's approach for a variety of reasons and the picture sharing suggests Hannah needs more control in the relationship. The sharing of the sexy pictures with coworkers when his wife has a huge future stake in the company indicates a lack of respect or possibly is a passive agressive thing, - hard to say, but one's wife or lover needs to be consulted before the sexy pictures are shared. Sadly, there's no calling that back. The damage has been done and it may have future repercussions. Damn, I wish that hadn't happened.

My wife and I had both been married before and it was pretty easy for us to discuss additional males into our marriage relationship. But I'd been pushing her and she finally told me to stop pushing or it might never happen, even though she had a couple of guys in mind. Somehow, I managed to understand her frustration with me. Glad I did! And to this day I still marvel at how she chose the perfect words to put me in my place while still exciting me with the words "a couple of guys."

As she was spending more and more time in bed with "Mr. Right," I whined about how hard it was to get anything done or spend time with her when she was "gone all the time with lover boy." I was insecure (This is an aspect of being cuckolded or sharing one's wife that most wannabees don't anticipate - I sure didn't). That was when my wife reminded me she was giving me what we both wanted and she was enjoying it. She "had feelings for him," she told me, and reminded me that she'd "warned me that she needed the emotional connection and needed time to enjoy him." She said our marriage was fine, that I didn't need to worry about that, but that she was going to continue with "Mr. Right" every chance she got. If I wasn't ok with it, "now is the time to speak up." I didn't speak up because her affair with her lover had super-charged the sex we were having. My lust was ruling me.

I would suggest that you tell him that you will consider this, but then he will have to make some comitments;

1) Your husband has to accept that you alone decide who you want to be intimate with, when and how frequently.
2) Your husband is not allowed to have any extramarital affairs.
3) Your husband will not share any information on your life-style except if he has your permission.
4) If you do engage as a hotwife, You and you alone will decide for how long this will go on.
5) Your husband will be expected to support and obey you in all matters related to you cuckolding him.

You may be able to learn something from the following thread.

viewtopic.php?f=6&t=70896

elina
(Submissive male)

[Mkliny442015]

I don’t want to hijack Hannah’s thread and inundate a newbie with a ton of replies, but I had a chance to re-read everything from the beginning and want to make a few points. I can emphasize with all parties here. I was once an anxious husband wrapped up in the hope my wife would agree. When she first indicated she was open to the idea I got excited and made an SLS profile without discussing it first, it had no pictures or identifying words but it was a start. It made me feel like I was participating and my excitement got the best of me, my wife was understandably upset and I don’t blame her. It was too much for her to process right away. I think part of the urge to share our wives is because we are so proud of them and love to show them off. I’m not defending his actions sharing the pictures which was wrong but I can objectively understand him to some degree. Hopefully lesson learned and they move on from there .

Hannah, I think you should wait before you dive in the deep end . I know you have an upcoming date in mind which is only a couple weeks away for your husbands birthday but I think you should take a step back. I think for his birthday you tell him that you are considering it and it may not happen on his birthday but you are willing to get your feet wet and take the first steps. He will be just as excited and will thank you later on if you do proceed . I actually also agree with the other guy wanting to have sex with you once or twice before your husband watches . It will be a better experience for all three of you . Let’s face it, even in the vanilla world having sex with someone new the first time can be awkward and it’s not always great sex . Unless he is an experienced bull he may not feel comfortable being watched with a new partner, and you may feel awkward too. Sex is always better with someone you are familiar with . Men get stage fright peeing next to each other in public restrooms, fucking someone’s wife in front of her husband he just met is a whole other level. You don’t want your first experience in the lifestyle being like this and I’m only saying this as an experienced husband in the lifestyle. Looking back to when my wife and I started I’m so glad we didn’t dive into the deep end and took baby steps no matter how anxious I was for it to happen.

I think many hopeful husbands work up a fantasy in their mind before it happens and expect it to happen and think they can predict their emotions when it does but it isn’t always the case. I think porn also distorts that ideal and expectation to an extent, and I myself was also guilty of that watching a lot of Hotwife porn with the assumption my first time would be similar. From the time my wife agreed to become a Hotwife to the point she actually had sex with someone else was a whole year in between, while she had been on many dates and was physical with other men it was almost exactly a year before she had sex with another guy . While it wasn’t a bad thing it didn’t turn out as pleasant as I expected and my emotions were bittersweet. My expectations were she would have sex and then come home to me and I would reclaim her and it would be bliss like all the stories I read and porn I watched. The reality was she was nervous and had a little too much to drink, the sex was good for her but also rough and between the alcohol her nerves and getting tossed around and bent over by the guy in his car she got sick when she got home. I didn’t get to reclaim her and she went to bed and was hungover the next day . I felt like everyone else had the party and I was only invited to clean up. Thankfully we moved on from that and there were many pleasant experiences to follow, but had I let it we could have both had a bad taste in our mouths and maybe abstained completely. This isn’t just a birthday present this is an irreversible lifelong decision. Take baby steps . Don’t do it for your husband , do it for each other but because you WANT to, his pleasure should be living vicariously through you and not controlling.

[lookingiansa]

Hannah

Hi, I just read your post. IDK if you go through with it if you or your husband will regret it. There is that chance though and once Pandoria's Box is opened sometimes it not easily closed.

Like you could go through it for your husband's sake. And then like it so much, that you will be on such a sex high that you won't think straight and you may look at your husband differently as well. I know one of our friend's got into the cuckold hotwife thing at his pleading & begging for it. But the wife said," she lost respect for her man because he didn't hold her pussy sacred and offered it up to every man he ran across"

She saw him as a less of a man and the boyfriend's as stronger man, that she didn't want to respect or please her husband's wishes anymore." Like she said she would do things with them that he never got, such as a bi threesomes mff the boyfriend wanted 2 women, so they had a bi three-way. The husband had always wanted to see and be in one with 2 women but she despised him by then and wouldn't do it for him. But she sure did when her boyfriend asked her to have a mff bi three-way.

Also there is a difference from pillow talk fantasy to reality in real life at times. He may watch or hear about your first hotwife attempt and might love it turned on like never before or he might feel sick to his stomach and want you to stop. The problem is there is no way to tell until your already doing it.

The concern before doing this is again once the bell is wrung there is no unwringing it. You may not want to get back to normal again how the marriage was. And he is going to lose out if he really doesn't like being a cuckold. And you do not want to stop and that's all up to you once the door is open its your decision then to go on or not it is not really his.

I had a by chance hotwife/cuckold experience my first time meeting a married couple on Craigslist in the good old days 5-6 years back now. It was agreed that I would come to their house. Then he was only supposed to be there for her safety since we were new playing together, So after some small talk his hotwife and I went to their bedroom he was supposed to wait in the living room. After we started fooling around , I was doing oral on her loving the tatse of her wet pussy and I I heard something. I look up from her pussy and I see the hubby sitting on a chair in their bedroom pants down and she said sit there play with yourself and shut up. I saw a feisty side of her I kind of liked.

Thedn she looked at my hard cock and said to him I bet you wished you had a cock like mine a real man's cock was going to fuck her since he was useless in her feeling anything. Now thank God I do not have a micro penis but not porn star 10 inch thick one either. But an on the thicker side and curved up so when a women rides me cowgirl my cock can usually make a women cum on my cock. And that happened I looked at little buddy and felt sorry for him but knew he must of liked it a little ottr he could of stopped it.

And it was such a power trip I felt so wanted and masculine since she was living my cock fucking her. And also the fact that he couldn't do anything to stop it , since we were past the point of quitting for hos sake. So he could of tried hitting me but would of kicked his ass if that happened or she would have thrown him out of the room if he tried to stop her and continued fucking me.

So, it went on for awhile her saying how much more she liked my cock over his useless micro penis. And I eventually came I asked her where she wanted it and she said to cream pie her pussy, so I did. When we were done, I was laying by her and she then ordered him to eat my cum out of her pussy first tie seeing that too. That is how I became the Plus + for several other couples after them. And when gone to far immposible almost to stop and reign back the fantasy to real life IMHO.

Thats my $50.00 worth in summary I would do a mental SWOT Analysis Strength Weakness Oppurtunites and Threats in your final decision to go from pillow talk fantasy to real life:

1.) Strengths is your relationship strong enough to go through with this?

2.) Weaknesses is he going to freak out IRL or is he weak in his resolve to be ok with the undetermined outcome?

3.) Oppurtunites is there the opportunity that this Hotwife Cuck fantasy may open the doors to better sex closeness with hubby fulfilling his fantasy to see you as a hotwife?

4.) Threats is there a threat to your marriage if it doesn't go well or a threat that you will like your plus one so much you might leave your hubby or hubby hate it so much he leaves you?

Hope this helps.

Mr. Lookingiansa

Hey Everyone.

I don't know how or where to begin so I'm sorry if this is an awkward introduction post.

I am Hannah, I'm 26 and have been married to my husband Josh (27) since 2018 but we have been "together" for almost 14 years now.

I found this website in January after an awkward Google search but didn't join until 6 weeks ago. Ever since then, I have been struggling with this "introduction." I have backed out of posting at least a dozen time because this just feels super uncomfortable to talk about to strangers on the internet especially on a website like this one.

So, why am I here then?

For the last 11 years, starting when we were first dating, my (now) husband has made me aware of his love and passion for the "hotwife" lifestyle and his obsession with the idea of sharing me with other men -- specifically black men. There are dozens of terms he has used but since this website is about the "hotwife lifestyle" I will stick with that.

Early on I thought it was funny, for a while I was hurt and bothered by it, and eventually I came to a place of kind of acceptance with it but have never been on board because I just couldn't get my mind around it or get over the mental hump of that being too extremee. He regularly over the last 11 years has talked about and tried to talk me into participating but I have always drawn the line at dirty talk in the bedroom, roleplay and other play between the two of us.

99% of our sexual interactions revolve around hotwifing/interracial sex/me "hooking up with another man behind my husband's back". It started with me watching pornography with him that fit those themes, progressed to him buying "bbc" dildos and toys and clothing that I would wear privately for him or underneath regular clothes in public, and he even purchased a "bbc" penis sleeve which we haven't used often because I do not really enjoy that.

Still, every holiday or birthday and many times at just random times he will beg me to consider having sex with another man/other men while he watches. and on birthdays and holidays I can't remember the last time he HASN'T made a comment about being disappointed that he didn't get the "gift he really wanted."

Last spring my father appointed me to replace him at the manufacturing & distribution company he founded 30 years ago and also hired my husband. We had been living a few states away since leaving for college and this allowed us to get back home, have much better income, and be closer to family since we have been talking about starting our own.

It is a small company (under 30 employees) including my husband there are 24 men 17 of which are black. This obviously has been something that my husband has used for role-play scenarios but last fall I was informed that he was showing/sharing sexual pictures and videos of me with some of the guys at work.

He eventually admitted that he had been sharing this type of thing for years with coworkers, classmates, friends, and others. He explained why he did it and liked doing it and I agreed that he could continue to share but only if he at least let me know he was doing it and who he was sharing it with/asked me if he could.

I thought that might fulfill his whole "lifestyle" fantasy/desire but it only intensified it. Idk if it is just that time has broken down my resistance or if a decade of constant roleplay about this subject has desensitized me but I have found that I've been increasingly turned on thinking about this and roleplaying about this and have been considering since roughly last december fulfilling my husband's greatest fantasy and physically participating in the "hotwife lifestyle."

I've even discussed it with a guy who said he is willing to be our +1 BUT he would want to have sex with me one on one before involving my husband.

Because of him saying that had to happen first I've kind've backtracked to being hesitant again. because that would be a big step to take from where I've been for more than a decade.

My husband's birthday is on June 6th and IF I'm going to do this I thought that would be the perfect day to surprise him.

BUT I am worried that, despite what he says, this is just a fantasy for him and if we actually participated it would put our relationship in jeopardy.

How often do couples end up regretting this? I'm also worried about what happens if I enjoy this experience.

I am hesitant whether I should try this for my husband and for myself OR if I should just close the door on it forever.

[HesitantHannah]

Heyyy! Thank you so much for all of these responses and advice and opinions. I plan on getting back to everyone and promise I am reading them but my little gym & running group decided to do a Spartan race at the very last second in Texas on Saturday so I've been consumed with trying to get ahead at work so I can fly out tonight and miss tomorrow and Monday. I will likely not get on here through the weekend because of that!

[Shiphead]

Winning! You're a winner!

[Shiphead]

Winning! Though it doesn't matter where you finish. Enjoy the run.

[HesitantHannah]

UPDATE:

For some reason my earlier post never posted.

I participated in a Spartan race this weekend in Texas with my gym/running group... including the guy/potential partner I mentioned in my earlier post. After reading all of your comments and messages I still wasn't sure about what to do. So I went into this weekend and just decided to think it through and let things play out. It was meant to be a Friday - Monday trip but I extended the trip until today because of how things went.

After this weekend I have decided to give all of this a try! I am excited and nervous but can't back out now

[Farmgirl]

UPDATE:

For some reason my earlier post never posted.

I participated in a Spartan race this weekend in Texas with my gym/running group... including the guy/potential partner I mentioned in my earlier post. After reading all of your comments and messages I still wasn't sure about what to do. So I went into this weekend and just decided to think it through and let things play out. It was meant to be a Friday - Monday trip but I extended the trip until today because of how things went.

After this weekend I have decided to give all of this a try! I am excited and nervous but can't back out now

Great for you, Hanna .

[Mkliny442015]

UPDATE:

For some reason my earlier post never posted.

I participated in a Spartan race this weekend in Texas with my gym/running group... including the guy/potential partner I mentioned in my earlier post. After reading all of your comments and messages I still wasn't sure about what to do. So I went into this weekend and just decided to think it through and let things play out. It was meant to be a Friday - Monday trip but I extended the trip until today because of how things went.

After this weekend I have decided to give all of this a try! I am excited and nervous but can't back out now

I am happy to hear you made a decision, and it’s important you came to this decision on your own and are doing it for “You” and not just because your husband wants you too. It’s normal to be nervous and exciting at the same time, like all things you will adjust. Have you discussed this with yiur husband yet? Are yiu going to meet with the guy alone first to build that level of comfort?

[elina]

UPDATE:

For some reason my earlier post never posted.

I participated in a Spartan race this weekend in Texas with my gym/running group... including the guy/potential partner I mentioned in my earlier post. After reading all of your comments and messages I still wasn't sure about what to do. So I went into this weekend and just decided to think it through and let things play out. It was meant to be a Friday - Monday trip but I extended the trip until today because of how things went.

After this weekend I have decided to give all of this a try! I am excited and nervous but can't back out now

Dearest Hannah

I think it is wonderful that you have decided to give this a try.
Even if you don't say so directly; I interpret this message to mean that you will try this out with potential partner you already identified in your running group? I hope you and him will both truly enjoy this.

My only advice here is that You are very firm with your hubby.
You should tell him explicitly that he is the one who has pushed you to this and that it will happen they way YOU decide it will happen and demand that he now accepts this; Furthermore that he is NOT ALLOWED to share any information on this with others, only You are entitled to decide.

I wish you the best of luck and hope you will come to discover that you truly enjoy this.

Please keep posting.

Sincerely
elina
(submissive male)

[HesitantHannah]

So, before I made my first post I had talked a lot to the gym group guy... we talked after morning runs a lot and even more after our evening workouts with our group and he was asking about my marriage and made a comment that led the convo down the path about what my husband was into. He said he would be okay with it... which is what led me to go from considering to actually, seriously considering enough to seek out a website like this and then post.

Have you discussed this with your husband yet?

I know this may seem a little bit backwards but I haven't discussed it at all with my husband beyond past conversations. I haven't talked to him about considering it or joining any websites to look into this. The reason why is that he has been so intense in the past about wanting this type of experience that I was honestly afraid I might decide against it and send him spiraling or worse that he would be so excited and passionate about making it happen and encouraged by my consideration that I wouldn't be able to back out. That probably doesn't make sense or sounds bad but it makes sense to me.

Are you going to meet with the guy alone first to build that level of comfort?

So, the guy that I mentioned and who asked about meeting alone first to build a level of trust/comfort is part of my gym group and went to the spartan race in Texas last weekend...

[MartasBoy]

So, 84910]


I know this may seem a little bit backwards....

that he would be so excited and passionate about making it happen and encouraged by my consideration that I wouldn't be able to back out. That probably doesn't make sense or sounds bad but it makes sense to me.

No Hannah, it makes perfect sense to me. We guys can get very intense about our various fantasies. When I get really deep into a fantasy idea, I can get really carried away with it. My wife says she can easily feel railroaded by my intensity and enthusiasm.
It makes perfect sense to do things on your terms before you get him involved. He is very likely too get so excited about it, that he will overwhelm you. That's how my wife is described it when I get like that.

[elina]

So, 84910]


I know this may seem a little bit backwards....

that he would be so excited and passionate about making it happen and encouraged by my consideration that I wouldn't be able to back out. That probably doesn't make sense or sounds bad but it makes sense to me.

No Hannah, it makes perfect sense to me. We guys can get very intense about our various fantasies. When I get really deep into a fantasy idea, I can get really carried away with it. My wife says she can easily feel railroaded by my intensity and enthusiasm.
It makes perfect sense to do things on your terms before you get him involved. He is very likely too get so excited about it, that he will overwhelm you. That's how my wife is described it when I get like that.

Fully agree,

Makes perfect sense to me as well.

Hannah, You should be in control of if, when and how this happens. Managing your husband through this initial stage where you are struggling to make up your mind of where you want to go would have been a huge distraction.

At a certain point in time though, I think it is necessary that you take control of your hubby and makes sure he understands that, yes you have decided to start cucking him like he has requested, but that YOU will be the one in control and he is not allowed to share this information not more pictures of you....

WIshing you a Wonderful experience with your new running-mate-soon-to-be-lover.
You deserve this girl!!!

Sincerely
elina

[Seekingmore12]

So, before I made my first post I had talked a lot to the gym group guy... we talked after morning runs a lot and even more after our evening workouts with our group and he was asking about my marriage and made a comment that led the convo down the path about what my husband was into. He said he would be okay with it... which is what led me to go from considering to actually, seriously considering enough to seek out a website like this and then post.

Have you discussed this with your husband yet?

I know this may seem a little bit backwards but I haven't discussed it at all with my husband beyond past conversations. I haven't talked to him about considering it or joining any websites to look into this. The reason why is that he has been so intense in the past about wanting this type of experience that I was honestly afraid I might decide against it and send him spiraling or worse that he would be so excited and passionate about making it happen and encouraged by my consideration that I wouldn't be able to back out. That probably doesn't make sense or sounds bad but it makes sense to me.

Are you going to meet with the guy alone first to build that level of comfort?

So, the guy that I mentioned and who asked about meeting alone first to build a level of trust/comfort is part of my gym group and went to the spartan race in Texas last weekend...

Makes perfect sense to me, I suppose the next step is to plan the reveal, lots of different ways to do this and more decisions, given he gets overly excited, may make sense to tell him hours before to prevent over thinking, maybe say “ oh by the way x invited me to lunch at his place alone”, then go and get ready for your date, take your time, ask him to come look, then give him the opportunity to call it off somehow, he very likely wont, kiss him on the head, grab his crotch and leave…

And then go have a amazing time..

G

[Mkliny442015]

So, before I made my first post I had talked a lot to the gym group guy... we talked after morning runs a lot and even more after our evening workouts with our group and he was asking about my marriage and made a comment that led the convo down the path about what my husband was into. He said he would be okay with it... which is what led me to go from considering to actually, seriously considering enough to seek out a website like this and then post.

Have you discussed this with your husband yet?

I know this may seem a little bit backwards but I haven't discussed it at all with my husband beyond past conversations. I haven't talked to him about considering it or joining any websites to look into this. The reason why is that he has been so intense in the past about wanting this type of experience that I was honestly afraid I might decide against it and send him spiraling or worse that he would be so excited and passionate about making it happen and encouraged by my consideration that I wouldn't be able to back out. That probably doesn't make sense or sounds bad but it makes sense to me.

Are you going to meet with the guy alone first to build that level of comfort?

So, the guy that I mentioned and who asked about meeting alone first to build a level of trust/comfort is part of my gym group and went to the spartan race in Texas last weekend...

Im happy to hear you are taking the wheel, and making your own decisions you feel comfortable with using a level head approach. Im a strong believer in practicing What i preach. While the lifestyle works perfectly for my marriage and i couldn’t imagine going back to monogamy, there are monogamous couples that this just isn’t meant for. I dont judge just like I expect them not to judge our lifestyle. That being said, as an ethical Non-monogamous person i dont believe in talking anyone into the lifestyle or trying to sell it to them. I offer advice, guidance based on experience and our own trial and error.

In the beginning when i was an anxious husband i also was impatient, wanting her to just do it already. She said something that always stuck with me and i’ve never forgotten it and it gave me a whole new perspective. She said “Im the one having sex, not you” a simple sentence but it really sunk in. This is her body and she has to make
The choice and when she feels ready. She eventually did but on her terms.

You have to “Want” to do it and also find pleasure in it. I dont have sex with other women because my pleasure comes vicariously through my wife’s experiences. Watching her grow as a sexual being, being desired, seducing and being seduced and meeting new people. Its all part of a collective experience and at the end of the day when you really start to live the lifestyle you learn the actual sex part is a fraction. Intercourse itself lasts under an hour most of the time, its the residual effects that really matter . Both good and bad, but you have to also remember that it is you and your partner on this journey together.

Myself and many others included are always happy to give guidance and support. Please keep us up to date and let us know how things progress. Good luck!

[isinlarsa]

Sounds like something happened last weekend, even if it wasn't penetrative sex. You did say you decided to stay an extra day. We all can't wait to hear what it was.

[Shiphead]

I second what Isinlarsa said. All in favor show your hands.

[Cobra1000]

Hand