Getting the ball rolling (again!).

[Firesuite]

Hi Everyone, am new here... though I would provide a historic overview of where I'd got to with my partner and if anybody had any constructive feedback or thoughts to help me progress things... then by all means feel free to share! (A's in her late 40s now and I'm early 50s).

A and I met nearly 20 years ago... lived together overseas for about 3 years in total. During that time I shared the Hotwife fantasy I had with her (as many of you know this itself can feel like a big step and it's a highly emotionally/sexually charged).
To be expected, she was quite hesitant at first and A wondered aloud if this was just a ploy for me to sleep with other women (something I've since heard from others). She soon realised that it wasn't and that my big turn-on wasn't in truth me sleeping with other women but her sleeping with other guys.
Over time we developed a hot sex life together and the Hotwife fantasy became our go-to fantasy every time we had sex... basically different variations on the same theme of her fucking someone else. We both got off on it in a big way. Here of course, there is a difference between fantasy and reality - and A would on occasions question me as to whether I would really want this to happen in real life - though I would generally reply in the affirmative.
Once IRL she want for a massage, nothing erotic, just a Swedish deep tissue massage type thing... however, during sex we had later, she told that the male masseuse clearly took a liking to her. Furthermore, that on standing up together at the end (she was topless, just in her panties) he did some back stretching manoeuvre and there was a sexual tension between them... and that she had seen him checking out her exposed tits and clearly been impressed with her sizable nipples (which are long, suckable and prone to getting erect!).
This massage story then got incorporated into our fantasy life and I remember A suggesting during sex that she could book another session with the same guy, only this time she wear see-through panties and ask him "Do you like my panties?" We guessed his answer would be along the lines of "Yes! I love them!" A told me that her reply would then be "I put them on especially for you" i.e., That she'd give him the green light to pursue her for a fuck.

We both got off a lot on this fantasy until one day we felt like we were ready to take it further and (with some encouragement from me) A rang up the massage place again with a view to getting another massage. I remember feeling super turned-on as she placed the call.. it was finally going to happen! Unfortunately (big disappointment for me) the guy in question had now left the massage place - and that was that.
Plan B... A had gone back to university as a mature student in her late 20s.. in her circle of student friends, there was a guy there in his early 20s who really liked A. He came up in our fantasy pillow-talk, but we both felt there were two significant problems with this second guy.
(a) he was part of her friendship group and we didn't want her friends to know she was fucking around.... Hotwife sex is complicated to explain to vanilla people as you can probably all appreciate.
(b) that this guy had a serious crush on A, and that we meanwhile really wanted someone just for no strings sex with A, either he on her own or possibly as part of an MFM with the three of us if feeling adventurous. Not someone who was going to catch feelings and fall for A just because she fucked him.
I wonder now in hindsight if I shouldn't have encouraged A to at least ask him out for a drink and perhaps see if he was seriously interested and if so to lay some ground rules (i.e.,1/ dont tell anybody and 2/ I'm not leaving my partner).... though granted in practice, this might have been easier said than done.... people do tend to talk and they also tend to develop feelings if they already have them to start with!
We then left our apartment and returned home again from life overseas, at one point I do remember posting some nudes of A on a hook-up website... was good to get feedback from other guys getting off on her. There was one guy who lived nearby and would have done MFM with us... (taking it in turns at least to fuck A in separate bedrooms). We got cold feet though. She also told me of getting approached in a park one afternoon by a guy... that came up but there was no means of us pursuing this... and she wasn't that keen.
Long story short, A and I then a year later split up and were no longer together. As an interesting aside, although I was really sad about the end of a meaningful relationship, I also remember us sharing a hotel bedroom (though no sex for me now) when she dumped me... and I knew she had a younger French dude lined up and ready to fuck. So I found myself leaving the shared hotel double-bed, going into the bathroom periodically throughout the night to jack-off thinking of her with this new guy! My sadness was tempered with the super hot thought and knowledge of her fucking someone else for real... which she would of course be doing very shortly. A confusing time for me!
So 5 years later we got back together... unfortunately, this time my health was not great (long story). Or sex-life has been a bit intermittent... lately we've been having sex again after a long period of abstinence ( a prolonged illness on my part).
In regular life, as part of our in-jokes we make as a couple are sexual innuendos along the lines of "Thats what all the girls say" (me) or "Thats what all the boys say"(her)... it sounds better in Spanish. Recently she made this jokey innuendo and I said "Cuenta!" (meaning, "Tell me about it!")... this was mildly rebuffed though I noticed that she made the same exact joke the following two days in a row.
So now my sex drive has returned, so has the Hotwife fantasy with a vengeance. Part of it now is the slight cuckold thing of not having 100% health and having someone stronger and healthier than me fuck my life-partner. Though in general I still don't see myself as big cuckold and humiliated... what I more get off on is her being a Hotwife and valued by someone else. Treated like a queen.

So here is my step-by-step plan to start the ball rolling all over again... with the eventual aim of making my partner into my Hotwife.

1/ Continue to get our regular sex life properly working again.
2/ Establish sexual bond, intimacy and trust... really important I think for women, especially if you then want them to consider being a Hotwife.
3/ Re-Introduce stuff like sexy underwear, massage oils/massaging, vibrator... all things to make her feel more sexy and appreciated as a woman.
4/ She is also going to see a doctor as she is pre-menopausal... they will likely give her HRT or an HRT precursor (I think this should help her libido which can only help give her the energy to consider doing the non-vanilla stuff).
5/ Start to ask her about her sexual fantasies and share mine.
6/ Once steps 1-5 are successfully completed to persuade her to let me take some photos of A and put on a dating site like FEELD or Illicit Encounters.

This might sound a bit weird on my part but I also notice there is a kind of emotional pull in me too with this fantasy... i.e., its not just about sex but I would like for her to have another FWB or even secondary BF. Someone else not just to fuck her (for our reclaim sex) but also someone to spoil her a bit... which she deserves. (I think this is called 'compersion' in the poly scene.... being happy for your partners emotional fulfilment with someone else). The main thing being honesty between us and us sticking together. I don't want to lose her - and all being well, I don't expect to either.

In theory I think it should be feasible in a few months time to get A to the point where she agrees to have an online profile with some sexy photos with a view to meeting someone at least for a coffee to see if she would like to take it further.
She's just been away for a few days, and as a trial I put myself on a website I had in mind and noticed that within 24 hours (even as a male without any photos and fairly minimal info) I had 8 women contact me... so I'm sure a petite and still attractive woman is going to get more.
A still has a great figure (unchanged really in the two decades since her 20s), then there are the erect nipples and laser-depilated pussy - mostly bare, just a little tuft of dark hair lower down, nothing more... hot. She's by no means frigid, but responds well when ridden hard to get the most out of her, which I hope someone will do before too long. It really is a two man job! If I get some body-shot photos of her in the coming months then I'll post so you get an idea of what she looks like.

So anyhow I think I have a good plan of action... the main thing is not to rush things, not to be selfish with my own desires... slow and steady wins the race. But get her to trust, open up and flourish again (hopefully). And this time go for it!
It maybe of course that this ship has sailed, now she is approaching 50, we have school aged children and dont quite have the mad passion of our 20s/30s... the Hotwife thing might possibly be a pipe dream. Though I'd hope not.

It feels good to share this with the community. If anybody has any encouragement, practical ideas or feedback then by all means let me know!

[snoogaloo82]

So here is my step-by-step plan to start the ball rolling all over again... with the eventual aim of making my partner into my Hotwife.

1/ Continue to get our regular sex life properly working again.
2/ Establish sexual bond, intimacy and trust... really important I think for women, especially if you then want them to consider being a Hotwife.
3/ Re-Introduce stuff like sexy underwear, massage oils/massaging, vibrator... all things to make her feel more sexy and appreciated as a woman.
4/ She is also going to see a doctor as she is pre-menopausal... they will likely give her HRT or an HRT precursor (I think this should help her libido which can only help give her the energy to consider doing the non-vanilla stuff).
5/ Start to ask her about her sexual fantasies and share mine.
6/ Once steps 1-5 are successfully completed to persuade her to let me take some photos of A and put on a dating site like FEELD or Illicit Encounters.

That sounds like a wonderful plan!! It sounds like what every hotwife couple should do!!

[Firesuite]

Thank you Snoogalo for your reply and wading through my long post! Much appreciated!

[snoogaloo82]

Thank you Snoogalo for your reply and wading through my long post! Much appreciated!

you're very welcome! i'm looking forward to hear about what you do!

[philxxo]

Welcome to the group. You and I sound very similar. Particularly the part about losing sexual prowess and wanting the wife to have some younger stallion with quality sexual performance. That's what I want for my wife too. Compersion. I want her to have a full sexual experience and all that has to offer for her. She is younger and more attractive than me.

Good luck with your plan. It sounds like a good plan for sure. I think you will have more luck than I will. I wish you the best. Please let us know how it goes for you and A. The rest of us can try to live vicariously through you.

[Firesuite]

Thanks philxxo, I think it's going to be quite long haul (if indeed it happens). Fingers crossed, but I shall update on progress as and when there is anything meaningful to report.

[snoogaloo82]

Thanks philxxo, I think it's going to be quite long haul (if indeed it happens). Fingers crossed, but I shall update on progress as and when there is anything meaningful to report.

We're looking forward to hearing again how things are going.