Couldn't get it right in 44 years

[whosbeensleeping]

That's true HJ, this is a well-written, open account that deserves appreciation. Thank you Restarting

[leggysman]

I'm enjoying it

[leander99]

Stories in this section of the board will automatically disappear after a few months.

When you have completed yiur storyline, please ask an admin to move this thread to the Library section. There it will remain forever.

It's an amazing thread. I would want to see it preserved.

[foot69loose]

I too have been enjoying this thread, I hope it continues,

[venus-can99]

Just found this thread restarting. What an interesting read. Enjoyed the way you described the highs and lows thru the 44 years. It would be great to get M's perspective as well...
You have a way of writing that brings out the emotions very well. Looking forward to reading more

[Restarting]

Thank you for all of your support.
M says she will post about her experience. I guess it belongs as a reply here?

She has already read my angle on her introductory meeting with Kenny. I'm waiting for her to draft her account of her playtime before posting about it from my point of view.

[venus-can99]

Looking forward to reading M's account as well.

[trecital]

I think your story deserves a wider audience.
This forum doesn't seem to be viewed by that many members.

Could you copy paste what you've written into a new thread in the Hotwife forum maybe?
Would be very interesting to see your wife's perspective on events.

[leggysman]

Could you copy paste what you've written into a new thread I the Hotwife forum maybe?

The mods can move a thread if you ask them nicely

[Restarting]

OK, M has (rough) drafted an account of her date with Kenny. She asked for help with some wording. I'll diligently avoid interjection of my bias as best as I can. When finished, her post should reflect her (and only her) view.

[Mkindling]

This is my very first post on this subject, anywhere. My husband, Restarting, is referred to here as T.

I met Kenny at a neighborhood no-tell motel. I was a little nervous because it was my first hotwife experience.

He met me at the door and welcomed me in. I brought wine to sip on. He grabbed glasses and we had a little chat.
Then Kenny stood up and I heard his belt rattling as he loosened it. I promptly excused myself to the restroom. When I returned, we both immediately undressed ourselves and landed on the bed.

He was tall and handsome (I'm petite). We kissed and fondled each other. After a while, I wasn't getting the expected normal male response and was a little taken aback with "I need some help here" from Kenny. I went down on him, to make his experience a little less embarrassing. Then he asked me to sit on his face bringing me fantastic orgasms. We then switched to missionary position. He was fucking me aggressively to keep his hard on and said, "I'm afraid I'm going to break you." I told him, "You won't break me. I'll let you know if you are hurting me." He still wasn't fully hard, so I asked him if he'd like me to straddle him. He agreed. More orgasms for me, yum! We lied in bed naked talking. "I just want to hold you", he said. Three hours had passed, and Kenny had to go. He walked me out to the top of the stairway, embraced me and kissed me goodbye.

T was very instrumental in helping me understand the possibility of erectile disfunction. It made me more empathetic as a partner. Kenny was apologetic. Had I not had the advance warning, I would have blamed myself.

Heading home I was anxious to tell T all about everything.

It was a great adventure for me but, since he didn't reach full erection, l was unsure how fulfilling it was for Kenny. I did hope to see him again. The experience made me feel much more confident to meet a man and follow through with a get-together. I looked forward to new connections.

[venus-can99]

Thanks for posting your experience here M. Hope your experiences get better

[Late]

"At that moment I was struck with the realization that M didn't know the real M. She had learned to lie to herself, to deny her wants. "It's like you've built a shell around your heart. You need to connect with your genuine inner self, and believe it", I said."

There were several things you have mentioned that really struck home to me, but this is the most significant one. I don't know if it a breakthrough moment for US (my wife and me), but I do know that it is a breakthrough for me. I have just started to pursue it with her, so we'll have to see where it goes. Anyway, I do appreciate you taking the time to document your story, and share it with this community, with me.

Late

[Restarting]

"At that moment I was struck with the realization that M didn't know the real M. She had learned to lie to herself, to deny her wants. "It's like you've built a shell around your heart. You need to connect with your genuine inner self, and believe it", I said."

There were several things you have mentioned that really struck home to me, but this is the most significant one. I don't know if it a breakthrough moment for US (my wife and me), but I do know that it is a breakthrough for me. I have just started to pursue it with her, so we'll have to see where it goes. Anyway, I do appreciate you taking the time to document your story, and share it with this community, with me.

Late

Late, it warms my heart to know our experience might help you both achieve higher levels of happiness, thank you. I remember feeling a rush when that realization hit me. It was monumental when M validated my view and reset her compass. You can't fix a problem if you can't define it.

I hope, if your wife has formed a similar shell, that she recognizes it, believes in her core that it exists, and that any desire she has to change it, comes from deep within herself. With focus, her habit of maintaining that barrier around her heart can be broken.

I'm confident your communication can deepen your understanding of each other. Please share how your conversations with your wife go.

[Mkindling]

Thanks for posting your experience here M. Hope your experiences get better

They have!

[Restarting]

Kenny and M
As the date neared, we reviewed boundaries and responsibilities and how M envisioned things.
M wanted Kenny to be comfortable. She also expressed a preference for getting on with it after a short ice-breaker.
Originally, M expected her hookup to last around an hour. We had set a date for ourselves for that evening two weeks earlier. M would meet him at 1pm, so no conflict there.

But as M's private time with Kenny approached, she was reluctant to place any time limit on the encounter "Maybe he'll want to take a nap", "Some guys like to go multiple times". Interesting perspectives, I thought, privately concerned the encounter could interfere with our plans later, or worse, that she didn't care about our date.

After 47 years of marriage, I've passed by M preparing to go out literally thousands of times, taking little notice. This time was different. M was calmly applying her makeup, to look nice to meet someone else. She would meet Kenny at the motel soon. Watching her was surreal.

Since the motel was so close, touching base when she arrived seemed unnecessary so we agreed M would check-in when sex was immanent and when she was leaving for home. A recent wreck (no injury) had landed M's car in the shop for a while, so she grabbed a small bag packed with some personal items and jumped in my car. M lowered the window as I approached. "I hope you have a wonderful time. Have great sex! Don't forget to check-in. I love you." She was beaming. She pulled out and drove off to be in the arms of another man in just minutes.

I anticipated the great time that awaited M. But I was anxious, too. A text from M when readying for sex could come at any moment. Time passed and no text or call came in. Is it possible Kenny didn't end up wanting sex? Maybe the timing for a text was awkward? I resisted the urge to reach out. I wasn't going to risk interrupting their fun. I needed to be patient with her time.

Like when M first met Kenny, I looked for ways to occupy my time. Kitchen? Check. Log in at work to see what's going on? No point, can't concentrate on work. My mind would invariably switch to what I thought M might be doing. I tried lying on the couch to relax, and found myself physically shivering! I grabbed a blanket for a few minutes, then got back up. It wasn't that I was concerned, probably just anxiousness.

After 3 hours, though, I wondered if we should have considered a check-in, even if sex wasn't happening. I was getting nervous and safety concerns crept closer. After twenty more minutes, I strongly considered walking up to their motel (not sure what I was going to do other than just be sure our car was there). Minutes later, to my relief, M pulled up, safe and sound.

I met her at the door. We hugged, kissed and I led her to the sofa to hear all about it. Naturally, I had questions about the radio silence but let her describe her experience.

M arrived at the motel and parked near the stairs leading their room. Before she could knock, he opened the door and invited M in. The room was narrow with a long dresser/desk on the right and the bed (the only place to sit) on the left. Shortly after walking in, M watched as her phone hit the hard floor, with the cover and battery flying in different directions. Even in the best of circumstances, M would probably struggle to reassemble it. In this setting, any attempt to fix it was pointless. She was preoccupied by her purpose for being there.

In the past, I would have focused on observance of our rules. But my only interest was hearing M's story. There wasn't much foreplay and they were on the bed fairly soon. Our rule of protected-sex only was tested early, when M, who hated giving blow jobs, went down on him bare. I was surprised, but was distracted by M's description of how, while she was sucking him, he taught her how to use her hands more actively. (I learned later that M is an excellent student.) I had prepared M for possible performance anxiety any guy might suffer. There was a bit of that, he was good-sized and performed, but could have been harder.

M described their positions, and seemed particularly pleased when he instructed her to "Come to me." "You mean sit on your face?", M asked. "Um hm." and she willingly climbed up. In the end, they rolled to the side with him in her and held each other in bed until it was time to go.

Their encounter happened three years ago now. Since I drafted the majority of this, I was able to read M's account.
It was interesting what stuck in our respective minds about the event.

[venus-can99]

Thanks T. From M’s reply above her experience seems to gotten better. Is Kenny her long term bf or are there others ? I take it you have benefited from this as well

[Restarting]

Pent up energy
While the epidemic slammed the door on in-person contact, M's readiness was intensifying. At least I could enjoy her. Eventually, I began to buy new, sexier outfits for her to wear. I'm not sure who was more anxious to move her hotwifing forward, M or me. Unable to contain myself, I confided with my best (other than M) friend, Mike, about how M was dressing sexier and that her sex drive was higher than ever.

Once the vaccines were received, visits from our out-of-town guests were able to resume.

A couple of weeks after M and Kenny hooked up, Mike and his wife arrived for a weekend visit. Typically, Mike and I would spend time in the study, smoking weed and talking sports. While we were sitting there, I pulled up some pictures of M in some of her newer outfits to share with Mike. I may have inadvertently scrolled past a picture of her topless but quickly moved on.

It was late and Mike's wife went to bed. M joined us in the study and took a seat next to Mike on the couch, silhouetted by a lamp behind her. That day, M had worn her sexiest (in my opinion) top. The shear leopard print fabric allowed the angle of the light to reveal M's perky nipples. Mike took notice and complimented her effusively on her looks. I went to the kitchen to refill our drinks. When I returned, Mike was sitting against M and was whispering to her. I don't remember if it was Mike or me, but somebody mentioned how great it would be to see M with her top off. M saw the look in both of our eyes. She was feeling her wine and asked me "What do you want me to do?". "Whatever you want. It's entirely up to you.", I responded. M paused and then pulled her top off over her head. I hadn't told Mike how we opened the marriage but he quickly figured it out. We had an MFM right there on the spot. It was fantastic! We've since gotten together in our home and at several hotels. Sometimes they play solo, too. But I've always been welcome to watch (and it's pretty hard not to)!

That night was extremely hot. It also gave me a friend that I could freely talk to about the developments in M and my relationship. Until I found this forum, he was the only one I could share my feelings with other than M.

M's hotwifing reached its second step, but the next one would follow just a week later.

[Restarting]

Relaxed boundaries after Kenny
Kenny and M continued their online chat and scheduled another hookup a month or so after their first experience. Unfortunately, he cancelled that morning saying "getting together today will be impossible" and proceeded to ghost her after that.

Meanwhile, M had already begun chatting online with another prospect, Derek. They set up an intro date at a local pub. This time we decided that if the chemistry was there, it was unnecessary to arbitrarily delay a hookup to another day if it was clear they both wanted sex together.

[venus-can99]

T - thanks for sharing a wonderful decription of M and Mike's play. Looking forward to her encounter with Derek

[Restarting]

Derek meets M
M's car was in for repair, so I dropped her off at the brew pub, returned home, and waited for her to text me for a pickup. Apparently, Derek felt the chemistry and asked M when she might be available. After an hour and a half or so, I received her text. She was riding with him to his apartment and asked me for a pickup there when they were done. Apparently, he was blown away when she answered, "How about now?"

After that, he would invite M and she would drive to his apartment.

Derek and M had sex more than ten times over the next year and a half. But like Kenny, Derek suddenly ghosted her for over a year. Then, out of the blue, Derek pinged M. She asked him to let her know when he'd like to catch up, "Pretty (busy) crazy, but I'll let you know."

He then went silent for four months before he popped up and they agreed on a date days later. At the last minute, he cancelled with a work excuse. Derek, again, went dark. That was three months ago.

It's not pleasant watching your love getting jerked around like that. But I understand the nature of Derek's relationship with M.

Scheduling conflicts can happen. We've decided any plan can be preempted if something arises involving someone higher on this priority list.
Me
Family
Home
Friends
Friends with benefits
Fuck buddies
The lower on the list, the less likely a date can be coordinated, and then actually kept.

M and I have discussed what kind of relationships she prefers. We've talked about the spectrum from one-night stands with strangers, to Fuck Buddies, to FWB, to full romantic relationships. It seems to me, M would more prefer a FWB than her FB relationship with Derek. We both acknowledge only her playmates can classify themselves (through actions). I've cautioned M against attempts to push men up the scale. To me, it's better to find someone that wants a deeper relationship and not try to "change" them. I'm interested in your thoughts on that.

A couple of weeks ago, cold weather blew through Austin. M sent Kenny a message (the first communication since he ghosted her three years ago) recalling his Good-Samaritan acts during the ice storm in 2021. He answered back. He had moved and was volunteering on a construction project in his new town. He remembered their rendezvous fondly and expressed interest in connecting again sometime.

That same day, M received a text from Derek. By 4:30 they were in bed.

As you know, boundaries can change. At first, we limited the number of dates with any one person to avoid attachment and there would be no way M would set up dates at our house. We've relaxed those restrictions. Derek or either of M's new friends might play with her in our home if she chooses. I waver on how much interaction on my part would be appropriate (or wanted) in that event.

I'm hopeful M will expand her exploration to include a greater variety of men. M would certainly like that. I also look forward to my own discovery, but for now I'm just as excited about being with M as opposed to other women. On the other hand, if the opportunity were to arise...

As I write this, M is texting with Mike. He's sending her music. Obviously, he's thinking about her. After almost 50 years, thanks to a solid foundation of trust, I think we're getting it right.

Thanks for following our story. I appreciate your PMs and look forward to sharing views with the rest of you in the community.

[Mkindling]

T didn’t mention my recent dates with Mark and Donald. I’ve had 2 dates with Donald and I like him but no sex yet. I’m hopeful something develops. Other than that T has you updated to where we are today.

[venus-can99]

Great to hear from you M. Sounds like Donald will be a possible candidate. Would you consider him to be a long term prospect if everything fits - his availability, commitments, proximity, etc. ?

[TheRealMrs]

How I responded

While thinking about our sex life, I did some self-reflection. Since M's time with Jesse, I could never accept that M didn't have interest in sex, even if it wasn't with me. For the first time, I considered that I might be the reason our sex life was dull.

I always attributed the longevity of our marriage to the fact that M and I are opposites. We complemented each other when we met and I've certainly benefited from some of her kindheartedness rubbing off on me. What if I could make sex more exciting for her? It's like a different part of my alpha brain engaged.

I needed to change.

I read all I could about sex drive that was lost in marriages. Our antiquated division of domestic duties, M inside, me outside, was unbalanced. The Leave It to Beaver home model that formed our childrearing environment required modification. I quietly began to do some cleanup in the kitchen after meals. Dishwasher loading and emptying became part of my daily routine. It was no big deal. But that small habit enabled M to turn in her post-meal apron for the recliner and an accompanying glass of wine. Well-deserved relaxation after preparing great meals, day after day.

In the evenings, I studied ways to improve my sexual performance. I watched porn (probably not the best source, but I enjoyed it, for the most part) and scoured the Web for content covering sexual techniques. Turns out, there I was in my mid-sixties and had no idea what I was doing when it came to eating pussy! It's not that complicated, but I should have read the instructions first. The effect of my newfound skill was mind blowing. I heard sounds and saw expressions from M that I never imagined.

While the quality of our sex made quantum leaps, the frequency of sex only marginally improved. I saw her reactions to amazing orgasms. Yet, her habitual "We can do it in the morning" (code for no) persisted. I remember an occasion when I offered to get M something to drink. She said no. But I knew she wanted it. I offered again, she paused and then said, "OK".

Wait. What just happened? My brain was making a connection.

I sat down with M and recounted how she had refused my drink offer and said, "Last night, when I asked if you wanted to have sex, you said no, automatically. Why would you not want something you love?"

She didn't have an answer, but she didn't dismiss the question either.

"In fact, I crave the sex we have. I don't understand why you don't crave it. I can't believe it."

She pondered it hard. "I don't know why I do that", she said.

This was a pivotal moment. Memories from 40 years earlier came flooding in.

I remembered the trust issues emerging from that night on Bobby's sailboat. The thought that I couldn't trust M to share her true feelings, that she couldn't trust me with her wants, much less her deepest desires.

At that moment I was struck with the realization that M didn't know the real M. She had learned to lie to herself, to deny her wants. "It's like you've built a shell around your heart. You need to connect with your genuine inner self, and believe it", I said.

Then speaking to myself as much as M, "I can't trust you if you can't trust yourself."

We hugged each other. She understood the importance of having a connection with her inner self, to be her true self. Someone she can trust; someone I can trust.

I promised to help.

I LOVE seeing that thing “click” in a committed couple. When you figure each other out and start to understand who they are. Changes everything!

[Mkindling]

Great to hear from you M. Sounds like Donald will be a possible candidate. Would you consider him to be a long term prospect if everything fits - his availability, commitments, proximity, etc. ?

I haven’t heard from him in a month. In all fairness he just got a job and is coming up to speed. if he was interested in something long term I’d be open to it.