FLR from the beginning

[Flrmatz]

Dear Flrmatz

First I am very sorry that I have not discovered this thread untill today.

Second, I think you are an incredibly fortunate man to have found the Perfect Dream Lady for you!!!
Obviously, you are submissive by nature.
Now Fiona is very gently leading you down the path of teaching you how to be the Perfect Submissive Partner for Her!!!
I am really happy for you and wished the same thing had happened to me when I was your age.

..............
. Now it is with Fiona but more and more so that I am almost treated like a slave by her. I feel her love. But at the same time also her power. And this dominance of her makes me more and more submissive. It's not just that I let her treat me like a slave, no I even love it.

I have a very strong interest in Female Domination. One of the key lessons for these relationships between a loving Female Dominant and loving male submissive is that:
The more submissive the male becomes and behaves, the more Dominant the Lady wants to be and find it natural to be.
When that happens, the submissive male senses how much his beloved Dominant Dream Lady enjoys it when he serves Her and acts more submissive to Her. It seems to me that this is exactly the dynamic you are describing here. I think this will contribute to both of you becoming even more in love and happy with each other. I especially loved the the part I put in italics here; Fiona is taking you where you did not think that you wanted to go, but when She does, you discover you love it. This is the most erotic thread of all

So I can't explain it at all why I am so happy in this situation. In the end, it almost doesn't even matter. I am happy and Fiona is happy too. I love it more and more to submit to her. She loves to extend her power over me more and more. I've even thought at one point about extending our arrangement of no sex until Halloween, as she originally thought, until the end of the year.

I think you did explain it. There is poem by a Norwegian poet that I love, the ending is ".. the discovery that you loved pleasing another person, that is the purest pleasure of all". It sounds to me that you are learning more and more about yourself, so is the case with Fiona. You should cherish Her and recognize that you will never find another Lady like Her and you are doing the right thing by focusing on pleasing Her and discovering how much it pleases you.

I think you should tell Fiona about your thinking about extending the No-sex arrangement. Remember, Fiona originally proposed that this should last untill the end of the year, When you objected to that, She gave in and agreed to Halloween because She did not want to push you outside of your comfort zone.

I suggest that you consider if you should buy Her some nice flowers, and present these to Her with a nice card. You should off course be nude and kneeling in front of Her sitting on a sofa when you very humbly present this and tell Her you want to share something with Her. In the card, emphasize your ever deeper love for Her and how much you love to be Dominated by Her. Confess how you felt when She used the term "Mistress" when She was drunk at Her birthday. Tell Her that you remember that She originally wanted the No-sex arrangements to last till the end of the year, but that She shortened that period since you objected. Now you have realized that this was selfish of you, you now realize that it is more important to you to Please Her and you appologize for not accepting Her proposal in the first place and will be happy if She now reconsiders what will be the most appropriate date for ending the no-sex period.

But don't be surprised if your Mistress decides on a new date even further into the future. Regardless of what She says, thank Her for the decision and swear to Her that you will allways obey Her.

Sincerely
elina
(submissive male)

Hello Elina,



thank you very much for your deep thoughts. I don't think I can disagree with you on any point. Especially, the point that the more submissive I become the more dominant Fiona becomes is 100 percent true. And also that I enjoy it more and more.



At the weekend I think something happened that absolutely underlines your theory. I arrived too late at Fiona. She hates unpunctuality. That I basically could not help it at all, because just before me was an accident and the road was closed and I stood in a traffic jam counted for them not. She said that I had ruined the evening with my unpunctuality and she will teach me to be punctual. I had to lay naked over her legs and she gave me armed with a hairbrush a few really painful blows on the ass. Fiona has spanked my ass before. However, that was usually not at all as hard as this time. And also so far only with the hand. Otherwise, I was even horny by this treatment. But this time it hurt and I was not really horny. I liked somehow though this consequence and their strictness. But with each hit my horniness immediately evaporated again. It hurt, but she has not seriously hurt me. It was just more than that it was just unpleasant. It really hurt.

But the crazy thing was that I was even disappointed in myself. I knew that I basically could not do anything for it. And yet I was angry with myself that I had disappointed Fiona.

To make matters worse, my punishment was not yet complete. I had to go to her bedroom for the evening. However, I was not allowed to sit on the bed, nor was I allowed to lie down in the bed. It was almost 2 hours until she finally took me out of the bedroom and allowed me to kiss and caress her feet. In these 2 hours I noticed myself how my thoughts became more and more submissive. I did not want her to be disappointed. And that I had messed up our evening was an incredibly bad feeling. I really wanted to show her that I was really sorry. Until now, I had never really knelt before her. So like a slave, or a subordinate. Therefore, I knelt at some point in front of the door, so that when she opens the door finds me at least in a submissive position and I can apologize to her again.

For the weekend after next I had given her for her birthday a city trip to Amsterdam in a spa hotel including massages and sauna and so. The idea originally was that we can look at Amsterdam together, and relax together. And I admit I had hopes to see her naked in the sauna.

I thought that I could offer her to make the trip with her sister instead of me. So she can be sure that I can not see her naked. Now that I'm alone again I think it was an incredibly stupid idea of mine to offer her that. But in that situation I was completely in my submissive attitude that I had the need to offer her that.

When I offered it to her during the foot massage, Fiona actually reacted very enthusiastically at first. She liked that I expressed my understanding that she might not want to go to the sauna with me. And that she might prefer to take her sister with her. Of course, I told her that I'd had the idea for a few days, not just since I'd disappointed her. She liked the idea, but checked a few times to make sure I was serious. She also said that she would like to go on a city trip with me because she also likes to spend time with me. But I would be right, the sauna with me together will not happen. She even said that I was not allowed to go to a sauna at all. Except maybe if it is a pure men's sauna.

I could really notice how her mood had clearly improved again. She agreed and asked her sister by message if they both wanted to make the trip. I continued to massage her feet. And then came something that I had not expected. She withdrew her feet from me and was suddenly really strict again.

Fiona: Was that your plan from the beginning? Is that why you gave me the spa vacation? Just to see me naked in a sauna?

I was so surprised and caught off guard by the sudden severity in her tone and choice of words. This resolute manner of hers triggered all the submissive points in me that I really didn't dare to lie to her.

Me: The vacation should not be just to see you naked. But I admit it that I had hoped a bit when I booked the sauna that we go together darein and I see you naked.

Fiona: Are you totally crazy. I've told you before that my body is not there for your satisfaction. I thought you would have learned that by now. There will be consequences for you.

I then got my ass handed to me again that evening by her with the hairbrush. This time it was even more blows and I was actually close to safeword. But I somehow knew that I had earned these blows.

Afterwards we have made us bed ready. In bed Fiona then said to me:

Fiona: You know that I love you?

Me: Yes, I know. I love you too.

Fiona: And because I love you I have to be strict with you, you know that too?

Me: Yes, I know. I am so sorry.

Fiona: I have to be hard on you now. You can't see me naked. It's better for both of us. You like it so much when I have an orgasm. And my orgasm is much more intense when I know that you concentrate only on me. And how will you concentrate on me if you try to satisfy your own lust for me?

Me: I really won't try to see you naked by such a trick anymore. I'm sorry.

Fiona: At least I give you credit for being honest and for giving me the gift of taking my sister. That's why your punishment is much smaller than you deserve.

Me: Okay, I am so sorry.

Fiona: Until I come back from Amsterdam you are not allowed to touch me sexually. You may massage my neck and back and also my feet. But until I come back you are not allowed to lick me or touch me. Did you understand that.

I really had to swallow when I heard that.

Me: Um, yes, okay um, but isn't that also a punishment for you? I can also do something that only hurts me?

Fiona: Haha, do you think that I can only have fun when you satisfy me? You are doing a good job, no question. But I was single before you. I will do it myself. And you must not disturb me. I'm going to do it myself. And if you even think about touching me, I swear you won't be allowed to touch me at all this year.



She was so incredibly dominant in this situation. I didn't know what to say anymore. Although it was dark in the bedroom I offered her that I could put on my blindfold which she wanted in any case. And then I heard how she undressed and did it herself with her hand. The feelings were indescribable in me. It was horny to hear them. It was also kind of horny to hear how she enjoyed your sexuality without me. But at the same time it was also a feeling of shame. I had disappointed her for the second time in one evening. And now she had to make do with satisfying herself instead of me spoiling her.



Well, now I'm going to help watch her sister's kids while they go to Amsterdam. At least I can look forward to when she comes back I can lick her again. Even if it will probably be again only lick over the panties.

[PaNic]

Wow Firmatz, this is getting even hotter! It’s so erotic to picture you naked, shaved and blindfolded with your disregarded erection trembling with desire as you listen to Fiona orgasm...
The temptation to take it in hand and nurse it’s release feels almost unbearably exquisite!

[elina]

Dear Flrmatz

That was a wonderful, and highly significant update.

It is clear that you now is starting to realize that the only important thing to you is to please Fiona.

Perhaps it is time for you to confess to Fiona how immensely important this is to you and ask Her if She has had any thoughts about possible taking Her dominance over you to a new level. And if so, you believe You are now ready to accept whatever She has in mind. You could in this context raise the subject of the three months and tell Her that you now feel really bad about having pushed this back instead of just accepting Her suggestion.

I hope you will have a good weekend with Fiona this weekend before She travels with Her Sister next weekend while you have the opportunity to take good care of Her Sisters kids. I would also suggest that you this weekend asks Fiona for advice on what you need to do to ensure that these kids will be very happy. Rmember, you taking care of Her Sisters kids is also a servitude to Fiona.

Sincerely
elina

[PaNic]

Any news Firmatz?

[Flrmatz]

Hello all,



I'm sorry that it took a little longer with my updates lately.

Fiona and I are still trying to grow together as a couple and at the same time also expand our female-led relationship. That alone is a bit of a challenge. On top of that, we don't live together yet either, so we're going back and forth so often to see each other. I had to and will also be on the road more often for work until the end of the year. This makes it even more difficult for us to grow as a couple.

In order for us to succeed, we have started to do sex and couples therapy. Actually, such couple therapies are mostly for couples who have big problems. But we started it because our signs with the FLR and the consciously different power relations are challenging. We want both of them to be happy in the relationship and that is what we are working on in the therapy. It should also be a way to talk in a balanced power relationship. So we are equal in the therapy and should also both express our wishes and fears.

So far we have had one session. However, I can already say that it was super embarrassing for me.

The whole thing actually started when Fiona was in Amsterdam with her sister. That was actually a gift from me that I wanted to make together with her. But because I would certainly have seen them naked or partially naked in the sauna or maybe even during the massage, we did it so that Fiona went with her sister. Since I had at least in the back of my mind that I could see them naked at the wellness weekend, Fiona was mad at me that I had tried it with such a trick. As a punishment, she completely deprived me of her body for the next few days. I was not even allowed to lick through her panties anymore. If she wanted an orgasm she got it herself. Honestly, I even found it really horny when she got it herself. Yes I also love it when I can bring her to an orgasm. But to witness how she has an orgasm, even without my doing was also very horny. It varied how she got it for herself. Most of the times she lay in bed next to me in the evening and stroked herself with her fingers to orgasm. (I was not allowed to touch her). It's strange, but for me it was totally beautiful. Very intimate and I really enjoyed listening to her as she spoiled herself. I had to wear my blindfold so I could not see anything. I was also not allowed to satisfy myself, but I can tell you I was every time close to my own orgasm just from listening.

Once she got horny when I massaged and licked her feet on the couch at noon. She then just let her hand run into her leggings (and probably her thong) and did it to herself. It was incredibly horny to watch her do it. What I usually can not see at all. (She was dressed and I have seen no intimate parts of her.) And somehow I found the situation very horny. She was just lying on the couch and, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, she started to stroke her own pussy. She had her orgasm and afterwards, as if nothing had happened, she continued watching her series and busied herself with the cell phone. And I just kept massaging and licking her feet.

And there was another special way of her mastrubate. When we are together in one of our apartments, then she wants me to be as always naked as possible. However, she usually just has comfortable clothes on. Sometimes even really unsexy sweaters or pajama pants. She likes it very much to show me as little skin from her.

One evening I should put myself in front of her. I was naked and she really had the most comfortable clothes on. She also stood up and asked me if I would find her horny. She ran her hands over her body. I made sure that I found her totally horny. She continued to ask me if it doesn't bother me at all that she only wears such comfortable clothes. I was really horny and my penis was already hard. I confirmed to her that I find her really horny even in these clothes. She turned a little to the side and pulled her pajama pants down a little so that I could see the side of her panties. It was one of the thick ugly underpants that I had given her as "protection" from me. She asked me if I would like her granny panties. I also answered this question in the affirmative. She pointed to my hard cock and said that I was already horny. That it would probably be better in any case if they would not wear lingerie for me because otherwise I would probably squirt directly. I already had to groan and confirmed this as well. I was really close to the cum. It is really rare that Fiona deals with my cock in an erotic way. And because I was not allowed to touch her for a long time, and thus was not allowed to masturbate myself, I was incredibly horny.

She came closer to me and kissed me. My tail bumped against the hem of her pants and slid up under her sweater and touched the skin of her belly. Oh, that was so hot to touch her skin with my cock. She whispered in my ear that she is so disappointed. She wants to dress sexy again and look horny. She likes that I already get horny with her cozy look, but she also wants to have to make herself right again to excite the man. And wear her sexy lingerie and be fucked properly. And then it happened, I squirted full on her. I squirted my juice directly on her belly. She backed away from me and asked me if I had really just cum on her belly. I was so embarrassed and stammered that I was sorry. She giggled and just said that she was going to the bathroom now and change. Most of you will surely laugh at me now, but that was the most close own sexual experience for me with Fiona. I have never come on her before. Until now I was only allowed to jerk off myself. Mostly kneeling in front of her and she has watched. I'm not sure if it was just because I hadn't squirted in a long time or because of the first touches of my cock on her body. I suspect that her said has also extremely excited me. I do not know if I interpret too much purely. I do not know if she really wanted to change in the situation and finally wanted to fuck me. Or whether it was planned by her and she was pleased that I have failed and have sprayed on her. I like to interpret the situation that she would really like to have real sex again. And maybe that opens the option for a lover. I know that's totally crazy, since Fiona and I haven't even had sex with each other yet. But somehow I can't think of anything else since then. The thought that she dresses sexy for another man and I only see the comfortable things and then she also has sex with him and I only if I'm lucky her pussy covered by thick underpants may lick, excites me very much. When she came out of the bathroom she had only her bathrobe on. She said to me in her commanding tone that I must not go into the bedroom until she allows me to. Shortly after she was in the bedroom I heard her moaning from the bedroom. It even seemed to me that her cries of pleasure were louder than usual. But it may also be that I simply interpret that purely. I could hear them throughout her apartment. I stood in front of the bedroom door and listened to their sounds. You may not believe me, but I got hard once again. Her moans made me horny. In addition, I thought how it would be if she really just had sex with someone. It would be the same situation. A man would be with her in the bedroom. I'm outside the door and can only hear how he takes what I do not get from her. I was even so horny that I squirted again. Only later I realized that I rather faziniert how she would sleep with another man than with me. Even if I jerk off now when I'm alone I hardly imagine how I would fuck Fiona. I imagine how I would lick her underpants covered pussy. Or often I imagine how she would tell me that she had sex with another man. When I was allowed to join her at some point, I was allowed to cuddle with her but had to hold my hands over her bedspread. The next morning she mastrubated again. I was at least allowed to lie next to her with a blindfold, but again I could not touch her. After she was done she sent me into the bathroom so I could get ready. At some point she followed me into the bathroom. She had her bathrobe on and handed me an anal plug and a vibrator. She grinned at me and said that I should clean it. I was totally surprised that she had sex toys. We had never talked about it before but I didn't think she had any. On the other hand, she has always been very open about sex and not at all shy in that regard. Actually, exactly the opposite of me. I washed the two things under the tap. She came from behind and hugged me. She told me that she actually thought I would suck off the two things, but she would teach me that in the near future. When Fiona was in Amsterdam with her sister, I was supposed to take care of her sister's children. The mother also went to the sister so that I only had to help. The mother was happy that Fiona finally has a friend who is really responsible and she found it very nice that I give Fiona and her sister such a weekend. I did not have the feeling that she knew why I do not go but the sister.



I suspect that Fiona told her sister at least part of how our relationship works during the weekend in Amsterdam at the latest. When the two of them were back, the sister made some hints, something like: "good that it worked out so well with you and the kids, we don't want anyone to get their asses kicked here" or "good that you stayed here, in the sauna there were once only naked women .... That would be a bit much for you."



After Amsterdam Fiona was changed, she was no longer so dominant towards me. Two nights also went sexually nothing. Only cuddling and kissing. Okay that was almost before my sex but she has not mastrubated. At some point I spoke to her about what was going on. She said that her family keeps telling her how great I am and she should not mess it up. And that she loves me and doesn't want to lose me. She likes it so much to be dominant over me. She has read books and on the internet about it and has so many ideas for me/us. But she is afraid that it could destroy our relationship in the end.

I think I wrote it here before that we both have problems understanding that the other likes to be submissive or dominant. We decided then that we want to continue to work on our FLR relationship but also with the help of therapy to strengthen our love relationship.



Sure, one could say that it is strange to do some therapy right at the beginning. But we are both convinced that this will build a better and stronger foundation for our love. There is never a guarantee that a relationship will work, and especially with a FLR and my cuckolding fantasy there are high hurdles, but maybe the therapy will help us to overcome these hurdles much easier.



I hope the next update won't be so long.

[Flrmatz]

Dear Flrmatz

That was a wonderful, and highly significant update.

It is clear that you now is starting to realize that the only important thing to you is to please Fiona.

Perhaps it is time for you to confess to Fiona how immensely important this is to you and ask Her if She has had any thoughts about possible taking Her dominance over you to a new level. And if so, you believe You are now ready to accept whatever She has in mind. You could in this context raise the subject of the three months and tell Her that you now feel really bad about having pushed this back instead of just accepting Her suggestion.

I hope you will have a good weekend with Fiona this weekend before She travels with Her Sister next weekend while you have the opportunity to take good care of Her Sisters kids. I would also suggest that you this weekend asks Fiona for advice on what you need to do to ensure that these kids will be very happy. Rmember, you taking care of Her Sisters kids is also a servitude to Fiona.

Sincerely
elina

I wasn’t brave enough to suggest the extend of no sex for me yet. I still would like to fuck her so badly. But at the same time I recognize that maybe we both would enjoy it more when I don’t get her permission to fuck her.

I just think what if I fuck her and and it wouldn’t satisfy her. Then she would be disappointed twice. Once for letting me fuck her and once for getting a poorly fuck.

I’m pretty sure that she would enjoy it more to deny me sex.


I didn’t take the Kids of her sister alone. Her mother stayed with me at Fionas sister place that weekend. I think that was good because I have no experience with handling Kids. Think I did my job as a cool uncle in a good way:)

[Flrmatz]

I have a little update. Tuesday was a national holiday here. I have already met Fiona's parents and her sister, but she hasn't met my family yet. For this I had invited my parents on Tuesday. Fiona and I had cooked the Tuesday morning together and I have mainly alone then still cleaned up the house a bit. Everything of course naked. About 30 minutes before my parents wanted to come, I was allowed in the bathroom and should actually get dressed. Fiona said that she was very nervous and wanted me to be nervous too. She wanted me to insert her anal plug before getting dressed. This should cause that I am also nervous. I don't know if you've ever had anything in the ass. It was strange feeling. I was supposed to kneel on the floor in the bathroom. She then smeared the plug with lube and gave it to me. I couldn't push it in my butt by myself. It was too thick. (Or I was to silly/ too nervous) I never had anything in my butt before. At some point she took over and first pushed a finger into my butt. And then the plug. I don't want you to think I'm gay. It was not my idea and she insisted. I have to admit, though, that it was somehow a horny feeling when the thickest part passed my sphincter and it slipped in. It was strange to walk around with it then and do so as it would be nothing. 3 hours later I was allowed to remove the plug before your eyes.

Fiona told me later in bed about her anal sex experience. It was amazing to hear. Dhe had her first anal sex at the age of 17. At this age I was still a virgin. Up to now I never had anal sex with a women, and it is strange that it is my first anal experience to get a plug pushed in my ass.

[elina]

Dear Flrmatz

Thanks for the update.

I hope the meeting with Fiona and your parents went well and that all of them were happy.

I think it was simply a wonderful idea from Fiona to have you wear an anal plug up your ass in this situation.
She is such a lovely Dominant Lady and it seems to me a wonderful way for Her to remind you of your status as Her submissive in this situation in particular.

My guess is that this is probably not the last time that Fiona will make you wear a but-plug, or that She will force other items up you ass.

Sincerely
elina

[Flrmatz]

Hello all,



first of all I would like to thank you for the feedback. I have also received some messages. I am surprised that some people are following my story. Even if it is not quite as erotic as many others here. Thanks for that. For me this is so to speak a possibility to write down my thoughts and also to talk about it. Yes I also talk with Fiona about my/our feelings in the relationship. And we also talk about it in couples therapy. But somehow it's as if I don't have to explain why it excites me when she has an orgasm and I don't get one. I would maybe compare it to me talking to a good friend about how my relationship works and him just giving me good advice about it too. Or just reinforces me to be happy that I have such a great girlfriend and to savor every second, also or especially of her dominance. Thank you for that too. And that is also what I do. I enjoy this relationship fully and completely.

At this point, perhaps a brief note. Predominantly I report here about sexual things that take place between us. I think ultimately it is what you are most interested. Just so you also see that we are not only in bed and make out here a small example. Fiona has recently given me a game for the Xbox. I also get to play Xbox when she visits. Her rules still apply, I have to ask her beforehand, and she can also end the whole thing at some point if she wants to do something with me. Of course, I am not allowed to sit on the couch until she allows me to. The rule still applies. And most of the time I am not allowed to sit on the couch while playing, but have to sit on the floor in front of it. I am usually allowed to watch an NFL game on Sundays (3 are broadcast in Germany).

She knows that I like to watch football and that I like to play Xbox to relax. And she wants me to relax sometimes, so that I feel good. She is interested in making me feel good. She cares that I don't have an orgasm, for example. But she knows that it excites me somehow. She teases me with it every now and then in normal everyday life. Be it with our unequal power relationship in the relationship or the one-sided sex life in her favor. Mostly it's just little hints. A simple sentence that reminds me when it was actually not an issue.

I wanted to report three things today. First, I learned in couples therapy that Fiona thinks my dick is small. She told me about our first lick date. And she probably expected sex at that time. She thought I was nice and also basically good looking. She had agreed to the lick date because she really wanted to be licked extensively. But then still wanted to be fucked in the end. For them, licking was a foreplay, and they wanted to enjoy it very extensively. For the reason she has initially insisted that I should undress at the time of the first time licking. And then the size of my penis had been a little shock. (I do not think that he is so small. Actually, he is normal size. I think) In addition, I showed in the situation already the signs of submissiveness and she decided in the situation then that she would rather just be licked.

Oddly enough, I was not even angry when I heard that. Funny, but somehow it excited me to hear that she actually rejects sex with me. So from the beginning she has not seen in me a real sex partner. I should be disappointed, but somehow I think that I still managed to give her many wonderful orgasms with my mouth. And be it only by her underpants to have licked. It's all a little hard to follow. But she still seems to be aroused by me. It's not that I'm not attractive to her. She explained that it is mainly my submissive nature that triggers excitement in her. Something she usually does not find attractive in men really turns her on with me. She becomes even hotter by living out her power over me. However, she wants to get her horniness then not satisfied by sex but in which I submit to her and bring her to an orgasm, but have none myself.

The therapist said that this is a very important topic and we will talk about it further. (Tomorrow is already the next appointment)



The second topic is super embarrassing for me. I have already reported several times that I am also mega excited by Fiona and her rejections. She sometimes allows me to jerk off. Mostly when I get her permission, I should kneel in front of her and jerk off. She is completely dressed. Often I'm only allowed to jerk off 1-2 times a week. If I'm alone and know that we no longer meet on the day, I can not resist and jerk me off several times. I find it extremely difficult to obey her "command" not to jerk me off when she is not there. I was with Fiona last week from Wednesday to Sunday. And on Thursday she wanted to meet with a friend in the evening. She got ready and then left. She told me to do 1-2 things, but then I was allowed to do something myself. We try even if we are still fresh together not always to do everything together. Even if that means that the other is alone in the apartment of the other. Well, I was just in the bathroom and had found the string that Fiona had apparently worn before and I could not resist and smelled the string. Mostly I see Fiona yes not even in so sexy lingerie but if I'm lucky I can just see the thick knickers. And then there was a just worn thong. I know that it is pathetic. And then Fiona has also returned and caught me as I have smelled with a hard cock on her thong. Oh God, she was so mad at me. I had to listen to quite a bit and got directly from her with her hairbrush spanked the ass. After she calmed down she went to the meeting with her friend. When she came back later, she explained to me again how angry she is and also how disappointed she is. She said that it can not be that I hardly is she out of the house I want to jerk off. Admittedly, I still got off relatively lightly. Except that my ass really hurt a lot after her freak out. She said at the end even that she finds it funny that I could horn up on a piece of clothing from her. We had talked the days before again and again about the idea to build up a kind of reward system for me. The idea is not only to sanction misbehavior but to motivate me through rewards to good behavior. There was even talk that if I behaved really well, I might get a handjob from her. And then when we were in bed and she said that it's funny that I even get horny from her thongs, that maybe it's completely sufficient as a reward for me if I only get a string from her. Instead of a hand job.



I know, one or the other has already signaled that I should get a chastity cage. There is no way I can bring up the subject myself. I honestly don't want one. I know, and I think this incident shows, I might at least deserve one. But I love to wank when I’m alone. I would like to obey her more. But as soon as we are not together I have to get rid of my pent-up horniness, otherwise I'll go crazy. I wouldn't know how to react when she suggests it. I don't know how you can stand it. It's mega hard for me to lie next to such a sexy woman and not be able to have sex with her. But then not to be able to just wank when she is not there is even harder.



Btw: I still have not addressed whether we will have sex from Halloween. I'm almost afraid that since her confession that I'm not a normal, not a real potential sex partner in her eyes, the topic is more or less off the table. But actually it is so agreed. And I do not know. On the one hand, it tears me to see how she would react if I demanded it. Would she still be aroused? Would she even allow it? On the other hand, I think it could be a nice romantic gesture if I give her the decision about if and when we have sex. Just like elina suggested.

[PaNic]

Hi Firmatz,
You’ve been quiet here a long time. I’m wondering how it’s going with you and Fiona, it’d be good to hear your news however things have developed...
I hope you are both well