wife surprised me with something

[BallSpanking]

Maybe we should ask the ladies as this seems a common response by a lot of wives including mine. I ask her if she fantasizes while masturbating and she says she is focusing on the sensation, or sometimes she'll say she is fantasizing about me I know men MUST fantasize while jacking off. Wouldn't most women also fantasize? My wife knows what I fantasize about Why can't they just be honest about it knowing it will turn us on??

I have a sense that some girls like/need to keep certain things private, even from their husbands. Some thoughts of rapture, fantasies, etc, have been with them a long time, they are well honed and tended through long time use as erotic vehicles. These fantasies can be very telling of a long held kink, or vulnerability. They are very intimate, and hence their reluctance to divulge them. That's my take on it.

BTW, Happy Holidays to you and ShyMxWife.
May this be the year your post migrates out of the Wannabe section!

[MyShyMXWife]

Well said Ball Spanker. I think you are right. I still wish a few of the wives would chime in and explain the "I don't have fantasies" party line many of them take. Or maybe some female masturbatory fantasies are simply amorphous grey blobs of dick(s) swinging before orgasm that the specific theme cannot be pinned down unlike us male horn dogs that have very specific, targeted and timed fantasies (when I spank the monkey, I relish thinking of my ShyWife in a deep passionate kiss with a flushed face and soft moans as she reaches for his bulge. That gets me so close the next thing I know he is hammering her, and I am messing up a Kleenex. Then I come down from that back into the world of wannabee. Good tidings, OD on food and football and Happy Holidays to you.

Maybe we should ask the ladies as this seems a common response by a lot of wives including mine. I ask her if she fantasizes while masturbating and she says she is focusing on the sensation, or sometimes she'll say she is fantasizing about me I know men MUST fantasize while jacking off. Wouldn't most women also fantasize? My wife knows what I fantasize about Why can't they just be honest about it knowing it will turn us on??

I have a sense that some girls like/need to keep certain things private, even from their husbands. Some thoughts of rapture, fantasies, etc, have been with them a long time, they are well honed and tended through long time use as erotic vehicles. These fantasies can be very telling of a long held kink, or vulnerability. They are very intimate, and hence their reluctance to divulge them. That's my take on it.

BTW, Happy Holidays to you and ShyMxWife.
May this be the year your post migrates out of the Wannabe section!

[funkyfitter]

A few nights ago we were out at a bar with a group of people, mostly women. My wife went to sit on the lap of another guy. He was married but his wife was not present. Her story was that the guy was being pestered by another women and she did it to drive the other woman off for the guy. Her doing that drove the woman off. All of her friends were looking at me to see if I was angry or jealous. She kept telling them that I don't care about that at all. I felt somewhat annoyed, and at the same time turned on by it. He was a decent looking guy. I wish that I had thought to get a picture. The next day she asked me if I was bothered by it or jealous at all and of course I said no. Any suggestions on how to use this to further my goal?

Tell her that you'd love to take her out and see her sit on another guys lap again, but without her friends around.

[philxxo]

Before me, my wife had quite a few different cocks. Some of them big, according to her. I asked her the other night if she liked the big ones better and why. She refused to answer me and deferred the conversation til later. Obviously this means that she likes the bigger cocks better but doesn't want to hurt my feelings. I intend to ask her again the next few days. At a minimum in the interest of total honesty between us. She won't hurt my feelings, but I'm pretty sure she is afraid I will use that as ammunition in my quest for her to hotwife. I also want to push to get some nude pictures soon. She is flattered that I want them but she usually chickens out.

[Long Lurker 34]

Before me, my wife had quite a few different cocks. Some of them big, according to her. I asked her the other night if she liked the big ones better and why. She refused to answer me and deferred the conversation til later. Obviously this means that she likes the bigger cocks better but doesn't want to hurt my feelings. I intend to ask her again the next few days. At a minimum in the interest of total honesty between us. She won't hurt my feelings, but I'm pretty sure she is afraid I will use that as ammunition in my quest for her to hotwife. I also want to push to get some nude pictures soon. She is flattered that I want them but she usually chickens out.

PX - That may be, but what does she actually mean?
- When you talk again on the matter, in my extensive reading of threads there are three ways to think of this:
- Long - being whatever she considers as such.
- Thick - And doesn't have to being long too. And thick in general seems to be a preferred thing.
- Both
- And she herself may have a preference or something entirely different, such as a cock with a curve or bend in it.

[philxxo]

She doesn't care about length. She cares about girth. At least that is what she says.

[philxxo]

Update: Few things are happening lately. No hotwifing though.

So we were having sex recently and I was role playing her as she was fucking me. I told to her to fuck the other guy good. Eventually she stopped fucking me and said "no I am not." I took that as a definite negative. Few days ago I was rubbing her and asking about her masseuse. What all he did to her and how. She told me I was jealous. I insisted not. She says in my mind her getting another man is safe, but it wouldn't be that way in real life.

Then last night during warm up period, we were talking about sexual adventure. She was asking what I would like. I of course said I would like to lick her clit while another guy was fucking her. She asked if I would like that, and I said "YES, sounds fucking hot!". Then I asked if she would like that too, and she said "I don't know." Which I thought was a lot better than saying, "hell no, its never going to happen."

Maybe some slow progress into the idea? She seems interested to explore sexually with me, so i am hopeful she will come around eventually.

[Long Lurker 34]

Update: Few things are happening lately. No hotwifing though.

So we were having sex recently and I was role playing her as she was fucking me. I told to her to fuck the other guy good. Eventually she stopped fucking me and said "no I am not." I took that as a definite negative. Few days ago I was rubbing her and asking about her masseuse. What all he did to her and how. She told me I was jealous. I insisted not. She says in my mind her getting another man is safe, but it wouldn't be that way in real life.

Then last night during warm up period, we were talking about sexual adventure. She was asking what I would like. I of course said I would like to lick her clit while another guy was fucking her. She asked if I would like that, and I said "YES, sounds fucking hot!". Then I asked if she would like that too, and she said "I don't know." Which I thought was a lot better than saying, "hell no, its never going to happen."

Maybe some slow progress into the idea? She seems interested to explore sexually with me, so i am hopeful she will come around eventually.

PX - She is probably "processing", going back and forth with an entirely unknown duration until a decision.

[philxxo]

Recently wife and I had an extended conversation about this topic. I told her I wasn't going to bring it up anymore, and I haven't. She has mentioned something or brought it up several times. The gist of the conversation is that as my wife she wants to fulfill all my sexual fantasies, but her religious faith will not allow this one. As a result she feels bad. I told her not to feel bad. I mentioned to her that I know this fantasy of mine turns her on. She didn't deny it. I told her again I was not going to bring it up anymore.

So couple of days later she told me she had a question and wanted an honest answer. (It could have been about anything based on our recent conversations.) She asked if I was interested in this fantasy because I wanted to make sure she was still attractive to other men. I said no, I know that already. Then I went in to detail about how it turns me on. It would be a benefit to her, getting a stud who is better looking and more sexually capable than I am. She says she is just trying to figure me out. I said if she doesn't want to do it, then don't do it. I am OK if she never does it as long as we live. Then, not 5 minutes later she indicated she wanted to have sex. I for sure know she is turned on by this idea.

I think for my next move I will show her some pictures of guys I would like to see her fuck. Or maybe point them out. It's hard to do that though when I have to wait for her to bring it up again.

Any other helpful suggestions?

[Bluetoed]

Any other helpful suggestions?

Sounds like she is already headed in the direction you want her to go. I think you have more potential to screw it up by doing something than you have potential to accelerate it by doing something.

You not bringing it up may be why she has a clear head to process what she may want out of it. But when she feels pressure from you, it puts her in defense mode, and she's not thinking about what she may want at all in that mode. She's just protecting herself from what she doesn't want.

[snoogaloo82]

Any other helpful suggestions?

Sounds like she is already headed in the direction you want her to go. I think you have more potential to screw it up by doing something than you have potential to accelerate it by doing something.

You not bringing it up may be why she has a clear head to process what she may want out of it. But when she feels pressure from you, it puts her in defense mode, and she's not thinking about what she may want at all in that mode. She's just protecting herself from what she doesn't want.

That's very well put. When one feels pressure a person immediately gets on the defensive...it's human nature.

[philxxo]

So not much to report. She hasn't really brought it up much lately. She occasionally teases me with it however. Seems strange to me. She says because of religion that this will never happen, but then she likes to tease me at times. I am slowly finding out what sort of guys she might like. She let me know a couple of celebrities that she thinks are hot. That helps me a lot. She won't give me a list, but she slowly is letting it out. I am going to start giving her massages, maybe eventually she will let another man help me out with it.

[Tire_Kicker]

We are Catholic as well, we are 40 year's into this relationship and have had the same conversations many times. I have gotten her to role play several different scenarios most ending in earth shattering orgasms! I have found out that patience is a virtue and given the right opportunity, it can happen.

My wife's favorite ending to our Hotwife fantasy sessions. "Be careful what you wish for."

[snoogaloo82]

My wife's favorite ending to our Hotwife fantasy sessions. "Be careful what you wish for."

That's the best ending to a wannabe session!!! Wishing you all my best...let us know what happens!

[philxxo]

So a little thing. I recently bought a massage table to use with her. A couple of days ago I was giving her a run down of all the things I wanted to do to her in that setting. Then she says,"do you have enough hands for that? Sounds like you will need help." So of course I jumped on that. Then I explained to her that I was certain it would be easy to find other guys to massage her for free. She said no way, I said absolutely yes way. Then she tried to switch gears on me and asked would it be OK if she went to a guy's house to get a massage? And I said, yes if that's what you wanted. Then she tried to twist it back on me and said would it be OK if I went to a female masseuse's house? I said that wouldn't mean that anything would necessarily happen. Then she argued about that.

Now as of last night she was mad at me about something else.

She is going to start traveling for business without me soon, so other possibilities may crop up.

[Long Lurker 34]

So a little thing. I recently bought a massage table to use with her. A couple of days ago I was giving her a run down of all the things I wanted to do to her in that setting. Then she says,"do you have enough hands for that? Sounds like you will need help." So of course I jumped on that. Then I explained to her that I was certain it would be easy to find other guys to massage her for free. She said no way, I said absolutely yes way. Then she tried to switch gears on me and asked would it be OK if she went to a guy's house to get a massage? And I said, yes if that's what you wanted. The she tried to twist it back on me and said would it be OK if I went to a female masseuse's house? I said that wouldn't mean that anything would necessarily happen. Then she argued about that.

Now as of last night she was mad at me about something else.

She is going to start traveling for business without me soon, so other possibilities may crop up.

PX - Sometimes you can win in either direction.

[philxxo]

Wife will be traveling out of town this weekend. She is going with one of our kids, so I don't expect much would be happening. She will have some free time at night though. She is going to the coast to a place with nice beaches. She was teasing me and saying she would take pictures of all the guys on the beach. This got me really going and last night during sex and I told her I was thinking about her there. She asked me if it bothered me and I said no not at all. I have really started to think about her having a boy toy there. Other than tell her she for sure has a free pass, which she already knows, any other suggestions to encourage her to have and act on lust while she is there?

She will also have some longer solo business trips to various cities coming up in the next couple of months as well. She will be alone mostly and certainly free. I think time and opportunities will be even better on those trips. She could easily cheat, never tell me, and I would never know. It would be easy to meet a guy at the hotel bar and take him up to the room.

[philxxo]

I feel like I am making some progress now. She is going out of town to a conference soon. She was asking me if I was worried about it. She asked if I was thinking about her with other men and of course I said yes. She asked if it was jealousy or excitement and I said both. This is all via text message last night. A conversation ensued about her being sexually free to explore if she wanted. Once we agreed on ground rules. Then surprisingly she wanted to know what the ground rules were. I said basically anything you want, as long as I am kept informed. She said that she would accept that she was sexually free if she wanted. Then at the end of it she said she still chose me and only me. I thought that would be the end of it for a while.

Then this afternoon she was asking me again what the "ground rules" were. I was surprised. She is concerned that love will develop following good sex with someone else and how that would be bad for us. I agreed. I explained that there were different ways to handle it. Maybe she shouldn't settle on one BF, but maybe have multiple studs. I was trying extol the virtues of the lifestyle. She brought up that this is my way of trying to get other women. I assured her no, but she said she doesn't believe me. Then she was concerned that it would disrupt intimacy between us. In the end she was bringing up "sin" again. Which I didn't really have a good answer for. I am feeling confident that she at some level would like to do it, but is trying to rationalize it in her mind now. Going through and make sure it won't damage us. I am more hopeful that it eventually may happen for us.

Any suggestions to how to answer those concerns when she brings it up again?

[bbarnsworth]

To answer concerns;

On falling love: My wife and I considered the "falling in love" part before we got into this. It came up as part of a discussion about having sex with a guy multiple times. We had been discussing that if you find a great guy to have sex with, then keep him around if the sex is so good. Why try moving on if you've already found great, unless you want more variety? Not that it's inevitable that a woman will fall in love with a guy she has sex with many times, but there's certainly a lot higher chance than if she has sex with him just once, right? We pondered that for a while, and decided it was probably ok for her to fall in love with another guy, so long as our relationship stayed primary. It's an absolutely false notion that you can't be romantically in love with more than one person at a time. We didn't feel her falling in love with another man would detract from us. If it did, if either of us felt like it was, then we'd pause things at least until we figured it all out. You won't know until you're in that situation exactly how it will work out for you. Is there risk? Sure, there's risk. But, if you love each other deeply and your commitment is strong, it's a very manageable risk.

On using this to get to have sex with other women: If your wife trusts that what you always tell her is the truth, then she should trust you when you say you're not doing it to get to have sex with other women. There's another aspect of this; most men feel that being honest means telling the truth when they say something. In my experience, this is true. It's also been my experience that women feel that being honest means telling not just the truth, but the whole story! It can take a lot of courage to tell a woman the entirety of the truth, and not just answer a question truthfully. Try it. See where you get to

On disrupting intimacy: Um, no, rather the opposite! Most couples report that on entering this lifestyle it dramatically sparks their sexual drive for each other. If it does disturb intimacy, then as with falling in love, pause things and figure it out.

On sin: Nobody can judge that but the two of you. I can tell you that for my wife and I, it came down to this; if it's a sin, where's the victim? Who is being hurt by it? If you're careful to protect your relationship (see falling love above), and you're not harming the guy she's having sex with by some means (example; he's cheating on his wife, his wife is being harmed even if she doesn't know it), then where, exactly is the sin? The Bible places some very stringent standards on things we're supposed to do, and many (and I do mean many) of those things are not held to in the modern world even by ordained ministers. So consider what is "adultery". It's harming something, staining something, destroying something. Having consensual sex with someone doesn't mean any of those things. For my wife and I, it's enhanced our marriage, improved our intimacy, improved communication, and made us closer than I think we could have possibly achieved with out. Maybe we could have, I don't know. But, we made it that close in part because of doing this lifestyle. It's not for everyone, but it's worked for us. I can't judge for you if it's sin, but for us it's been the opposite of sin.

It's wonderful that your wife is concerned about damaging things between the two of you. That shows a great deal of devotion and caring, and interest in placing your marriage above all else. That's very important!

While your wife having sexual freedom might be good, an alternate suggestion: Make the first time she has sex with someone else with you there, so that she can _see_ your reaction, and _see_ how much you enjoy it. My wife wanted me directly involved at first. Doing so gave her confidence to eventually be ok with me just watching, and then not long after going on solo dates.

[lanceHarden25]

I’d be humiliated, angry and extremely turned on if my wife did that to me.

[philxxo]

So wife is out of town on business trip. We had the sexual freedom discussion a few days ago. She still resists the idea. I know that eventually she will meet the right guy and will possibly be overcome with lust and stop resisting. She already exchanged contact information with someone she met on day 1. Ostensibly for business purposes. We shall see. I am not showing even the slightest hint of jealousy. Hopefully more will come and eventually someone will start innocently texting her. That will undoubtedly lead to flirting and hints. My wife is beautiful and there is no question what most men want from her. She tries to pretend that isn't the case, but it absolutely is. These things excite me to hear about just thinking about the possibilities.

[johntigger1469]

Any update from the trip?

[philxxo]

Nothing naughty happened. She did meet a man on the plane and talked to me about him, but nothing came of that as far as I know. She met a lot of people at the conference, no one that she has mentioned anything about. She knows she is free to play with my permission. I asked her when she got back if there was anything she wanted to tell me, and she said no, and mentioned that she FaceTime with me every night and I could clearly see she was alone LOL. So for now she is intent to be loyal wife. There is another conference coming up soon, and I am sure there will be others in the future. I just think that sooner or later a very good looking man will come along. Men flirt with her and want her. Sooner or later a good looking guy will make offers. That's when she will be tested. She is very good looking and will have many offers. It's a matter of the right guy making the offer I think. Maybe she will give in at that time.

[Seekingmore12]

Update: Few things are happening lately. No hotwifing though.

So we were having sex recently and I was role playing her as she was fucking me. I told to her to fuck the other guy good. Eventually she stopped fucking me and said "no I am not." I took that as a definite negative. Few days ago I was rubbing her and asking about her masseuse. What all he did to her and how. She told me I was jealous. I insisted not. She says in my mind her getting another man is safe, but it wouldn't be that way in real life.

Then last night during warm up period, we were talking about sexual adventure. She was asking what I would like. I of course said I would like to lick her clit while another guy was fucking her. She asked if I would like that, and I said "YES, sounds fucking hot!". Then I asked if she would like that too, and she said "I don't know." Which I thought was a lot better than saying, "hell no, its never going to happen."

Maybe some slow progress into the idea? She seems interested to explore sexually with me, so i am hopeful she will come around eventually.

Have you tried using a dildo inside her while you lick her….consider it practice

You could also name “ him “, get a realistic one…a little bigger than you….not a huge one…

You could then on occasion ask your wife if she would like him to join you.

She could also take “ him” with her on her work trips.


G