Lanaya, Luna, Celeste and Morgan

[snoogaloo82]

You tell a wonderful story!

Thanks for the encouragement! I am feeling pretty sheepish about what an in-depth confessional it has turned into at this point, but what can ya do

you can do nothing but continue more of the same!!

[leggysman]

Still enjoying it! Really good, interesting stories

[scarfolamew]

By the way, my future wife Morgan and I already knew of each other by this point in the story; she went to the same school as Celeste and me and (eventually) Luna.

I discussed how during my first year of college, I'd broken out of my shell and had become bolder and more confident with women. This boldness did not extend to someone as excruciatingly pretty as Morgan. Even at a school where virtually every student was an impossibly beautiful and angelic poem of a human being, Morgan stood out to me and had my distant admiration.

Later, Morgan told me that she had known of me during this period as well. She'd considered me a bit unapproachable and spoken-for, given that Celeste and I operated like conjoined twins. Morgan was going through her own sexual odyssey / awakening throughout all this, the full details of which continue to elude me despite my meticulous and scholarly efforts to map out my wife's sexual history. But we'll get to all that in a future installment.

[snoogaloo82]

By the way, my future wife Morgan and I already knew of each other by this point in the story; she went to the same school as Celeste and me and (eventually) Luna.

I discussed how during my first year of college, I'd broken out of my shell and had become bolder and more confident with women. This boldness did not extend to someone as excruciatingly pretty as Morgan. Even at a school where virtually every student was an impossibly beautiful and angelic poem of a human being, Morgan stood out to me and had my distant admiration.

Later, Morgan told me that she had known of me during this period as well. She'd considered me a bit unapproachable and spoken-for, given that Celeste and I operated like conjoined twins. Morgan was going through her own sexual odyssey / awakening throughout all this, the full details of which continue to elude me despite my meticulous and scholarly efforts to map out my wife's sexual history. But we'll get to all that in a future installment.

I'm looking forward to hearing your next installment

[scarfolamew]

So Celeste attempted to establish boundaries between us, and I tried to strike a balance between respecting those boundaries and pushing against them.

We wound up in a situation where Celeste basically accepted that she was going to endure constant sexual advances from me. She even became somewhat of an instigator and accomplice, occasionally offering to trade minor sexual favors for my company and compliance as I've detailed previously.

I don't want to minimize the fact that it was really scummy and toxically male of me to manipulate the relationship into a dynamic Celeste had specifically said she wanted to avoid with me. Keeping me at bay with kisses, tolerated fondles, and bartered glimpses of her unclothed body was basically the path of least resistance for her to continue spending time with her close friend.

---

I mentioned that I would support Celeste if she ever felt guilty over eg having fucked some guy she didn't really like or respect. This is true, but more frequently I would give her shit for being a slut.

Celeste and I were in the habit of pooling our money for cigarettes and smoking out of the same pack.. one of the many ways in which we kinda functioned as a couple even though we were officially nothing of the sort. One particular night, Celeste went missing with my half of our cigarettes and wasn't answering her phone. This meant I was going to let her have it extra bad when I figured out what all she'd gotten up to -- which of course I assumed was having casual sex with someone who in all other ways did not have such an intimate and close connection with her as I did -- since she'd committed the additional crime of depriving me of the nicotine fix.

Celeste was apologetic when we linked up the next morning, for the cigarettes. Her excuse was that she'd ended up "hanging out" with our mutual acquaintence Gordon all night. We both knew this kid, and had discussed how we thought he was kind of awkward and weird. Celeste was excited to share how Gordon turned out to actually be quite interesting and had opened up to her in all sorts of ways.

S: So you just hung out with Gordon all night and smoked all my cigarettes?
C: Oh.. well, I mean, I fucked him eventually. But mostly we just hung out and talked.

Instances such as this were more difficult for me to accept than Celeste going after Mike's big dick. Just a perfectly ordinary, wholesome night of two college students forming a connection and acting upon it, and nothing I had any right to declare Celeste a slut over. But I simply couldn't fathom why she was willing and eager to be so close to me in all ways except the one that seemed most important. In a strategy that surely helped my cause and made me more sexually appealing in her eyes, I burdened her with these concerns at great length and on a daily basis.

This was the tenuous equilibrium we reached. I was jealous that other men were permitted access to the forbidden fruit Celeste's sexuality represented, but I still was her main guy in all other respects and it seemed like nobody else could possibly interfere with that...

[snoogaloo82]

So Celeste attempted to establish boundaries between us, and I tried to strike a balance between respecting those boundaries and pushing against them.

We wound up in a situation where Celeste basically accepted that she was going to endure constant sexual advances from me. She even became somewhat of an instigator and accomplice, occasionally offering to trade minor sexual favors for my company and compliance as I've detailed previously.

I don't want to minimize the fact that it was really scummy and toxically male of me to manipulate the relationship into a dynamic Celeste had specifically said she wanted to avoid with me. Keeping me at bay with kisses, tolerated fondles, and bartered glimpses of her unclothed body was basically the path of least resistance for her to continue spending time with her close friend.

---

with the dot dot dot it seems like there is more on the horizon. i'm so looking forward to hearing your next adventures!
I mentioned that I would support Celeste if she ever felt guilty over eg having fucked some guy she didn't really like or respect. This is true, but more frequently I would give her shit for being a slut.

Celeste and I were in the habit of pooling our money for cigarettes and smoking out of the same pack.. one of the many ways in which we kinda functioned as a couple even though we were officially nothing of the sort. One particular night, Celeste went missing with my half of our cigarettes and wasn't answering her phone. This meant I was going to let her have it extra bad when I figured out what all she'd gotten up to -- which of course I assumed was having casual sex with someone who in all other ways did not have such an intimate and close connection with her as I did -- since she'd committed the additional crime of depriving me of the nicotine fix.

Celeste was apologetic when we linked up the next morning, for the cigarettes. Her excuse was that she'd ended up "hanging out" with our mutual acquaintence Gordon all night. We both knew this kid, and had discussed how we thought he was kind of awkward and weird. Celeste was excited to share how Gordon turned out to actually be quite interesting and had opened up to her in all sorts of ways.

S: So you just hung out with Gordon all night and smoked all my cigarettes?
C: Oh.. well, I mean, I fucked him eventually. But mostly we just hung out and talked.

Instances such as this were more difficult for me to accept than Celeste going after Mike's big dick. Just a perfectly ordinary, wholesome night of two college students forming a connection and acting upon it, and nothing I had any right to declare Celeste a slut over. But I simply couldn't fathom why she was willing and eager to be so close to me in all ways except the one that seemed most important. In a strategy that surely helped my cause and made me more sexually appealing in her eyes, I burdened her with these concerns at great length and on a daily basis.

This was the tenuous equilibrium we reached. I was jealous that other men were permitted access to the forbidden fruit Celeste's sexuality represented, but I still was her main guy in all other respects and it seemed like nobody else could possibly interfere with that...

[scarfolamew]

Dark times are head and I'm filibustering slightly on getting to Celeste's boyfriend, who we will call Felix.

I had to deliberate quite a bit on what to name him because unlike the other dudes in this story, this guy ended up being one of my best friends for life. His real name is something very warm and open sounding and that's the connotation "Felix" has for me.

Once he came into the picture during our sophomore year in college, things gradually got fucked up between Celeste and I, and I lost her friendship entirely for a spell. Before going completely south, it was the most overtly polyamorous situation I've ever been in, though probably not in a way that any of us feel good about in retrospect. To this day, it boggles my mind that I was ever involved in something like what transpired between the three of us.

But with that teased, let me back up and set the stage a bit! Going into sophomore year, things improved a bit between Celeste and I. I ascribe this to the sexual steam I got to blow off all summer with Lanaya and Luna.

---

I will retroactively name Lanaya's high school sweetheart Ken, whom I previously described as "more of a cuck than me". Ken was a year younger than Lanaya and I. They'd tried to make things work through her first year of college with more success than eg me and Luna, but eventually they broke up and Lanaya immediately became a complete and total whore. She'd buttered me up with all sorts of filthy stories, of how she kept breaking her record for how short of a time would elapse between meeting a guy and riding his cock, of how she seemed to have no limits she could discover for rough sex and bondage play.

And so when we both got home from our respective schools during that summer, my very first but now highly sexually-upgraded girlfriend Lanaya became the second girl I ever fucked. And I got to have fun with her all summer! Or at least as much as she could make time for the mediocre dick I was providing her.

I hadn't put it together at the time, but Ken had been far more game than I in terms of meeting Lanaya on her level of sexual depravity. For example, they were doing all sorts of butt play with each other, and I wasn't even ready to acknowledge that buttholes existed yet alone interact with one during sex (wild to contemplate now since interacting with Morgan's asshole is one of my favorite things to do in this world and I would spend hours with my tongue buried in her backside if she'd let me).

She was also, like, openly cuckolding him with me. Again, I didn't really put it together until I sat down to write this all out. But that summer, she and I would hang out and she'd tell me that she only had a short amount of time before she and Ken had arrangements to grab a bite to eat. She'd say "he's almost here... want me to suck your dick?" And then he'd call to say he was there, and while I was stuffing my wet and hard dick into my pants she'd have some variation of this phone call with him:

L: Okay we'll be right down.
K: (inaudible)
L: Yeah, me and Scarfolamew.
K: (inaudible)?
L: No, we weren't having sex.
K: (inaudible)?!?
L: (far, far less convincingly) No, I wasn't sucking his dick.

So Ken and Lanaya were obviously living their best lives, eating each other's asses and letting Ken feel the sweet sting of jealousy. And I got to benefit from it immensely and have the wildest sex I'd had in my life up to that point. I could honestly just go on and on about random Lanaya-related details, because the girl is simply an absolute freak of the highest degree, but in the interest in moving things along I'll try and shut up about her. But please do ask if there's something in specific you'd like to know!

---

After a kinda messy breakup, Luna and I had finally figured out a sustainable rhythm of friendship. She'd also opened up a bit sexually. I didn't go into all the details of how much of an asshole I was to Luna, but suffice to say I'd let it be known that Lanaya had been a sexual firecracker and that I was disappointed in Luna's comparatively tame outlook on sex. Well, Luna had become a bit more Lanaya-esque on her own after dating and dumping her subsequent boyfriend George. Even better, she was down to tell me all about it, and was no longer weirded out by the fact that I enjoyed hearing about it.

One thing Luna did that I really enjoyed involved a group of guys from her high school. These guys had all been a year younger than her, but now their graduation from school seemed to have also graduated them from the little-brother status they'd held in Luna's heart. I knew about these guys, and it had been obvious they all had massive crushes on her. I was absolutely thrilled when Luna reported that, no longer viewing them as the innocent boys she once had, she systematically fucked them one by one, taking most of their virginities and fulfilling what was doubtless a lifelong fantasy on each of their parts.

I got to play much more of an active role in this than in previous post-hookup reports. Sensing the sexual tension that had freshly revealed itself between her and these guys, Luna was quite unsure at first on whether to follow through on her emerging desire. I would hear none of it: I told her she would be a hero for doing it, that it would make her such a sexy and cool person. I don't know if my urging was decisive in her fucking them, but I felt very involved.

I really, really love that she did this and it makes my heart skip a beat to reflect on it to this day. Innocent, romantic Luna allowing herself to be a freeuse slut for her high school fan club.

Based on nothing to do with me, Luna decided to transfer to the school Celeste and Morgan and I went to. Luna and I discussed what it meant for us, and we agreed that we were both excited to possibly be friends-with-benefits in a less emotionally fraught context than when we'd dated. She let me know that none of her subsequent conquests had my gift for eating pussy, and I missed how excited she'd become from having her full breasts carressed.

But, it ended up being emotionally fraught nonetheless because one of the first things she did other than hook up with me, was fuck my roommate. Another thing I didn't put together until I wrote all this out is that Luna took so many teenager's virginities she's practically Telly from the movie KIDS. Why did the roommate thing bother me so much when I was so on board with her other escapades? I'm not sure. At any rate, I acted like a baby about it, and Luna and I decided it would be less messy if we aborted the FWB scenario.

---

Anyways, Celeste was of course still my best friend during all this, and was closely brought to speed on me fucking Lanaya and rekindling things somewhat with Luna. It felt like some of the built-up pressure I was putting on her to be the sole object of my sexual obsession had been relieved a bit.

We began sophomore year stronger friends than ever, I think. And we met a new friend, Felix, who actually seemed to fit into our highly exclusive bubble. Celeste and I, the inseparable duo, turned into Celeste and Felix and I. I promise we will finally get into the details of what went down between the three of us in the next chapter!

[scarfolamew]

I mentioned how Morgan thought my closeness with Celeste made me a bit unapproachable. I can only imagine the same applied to Celeste: potential romantic partners intimidated by the fact that she had such a close male friend.

For whatever reason, Felix was immune to this. Perhaps he didn’t have a crush on Celeste right away. Maybe the extent to which he and I hit it off and became great friends was a factor.

Either way, including Felix in our ultra-close friendship meant also including him in our weird scenario of eroded platonic boundaries.

Felix had a sedan with a bench seat in front, and the three of us made an immediate habit of smoking weed together in it. We’d roll up the windows and bond over music and metaphysics as we passed around a joint.

The three of us got real cozy together. We were all affectionate, cuddly, touchy-feely people. I’ve never had any remotely gay interactions with Felix, but he and I were also more comfortable with each other than I’ve ever been with another male, including when it came to things like physical contact. Like, for example, he gave great hugs. Celeste pointed out how cuddly and warm his hugs were, and I had to admit that I agreed: I genuinely enjoyed the intimacy and warmth of hugging him.

So we’d get high in his car and all kind of snuggle up together. Celeste would sit between us on his bench seat and as the cannabis took hold, she’d splay her body out across us.

On one occasion it got pretty steamy. Celeste was wearing a skirt, and her bare legs were stretched across my lap. I was caressing her calves and thighs and just gushing about how incredible her skin felt. This was already way beyond what Celeste normally allowed me to get away with as far as fondling went, so of course I pushed it further. Her upper half was leaning into Felix, and as he cuddled her I encouraged his hands towards her breasts, sampling them first myself and remarking on how lovely they were before literally taking his hand and putting it on her chest where mine had been a moment before, so he could see for himself. Celeste has small breasts and would consequently rarely wear a bra, so he was getting a good feel for their naked quality and form as he very gently traced his fingers over her sleeveless top.

I believe I was encouraging Felix to reach into her shirt for direct skin-on-skin contact when the spell broke and Celeste put a sudden stop to our fondling. “I shouldn’t have let you boys touch me like that,” she later told me. “Good girls aren’t supposed to do that.”

For once, I didn’t agree that something she had done was too slutty! Funny how that works, eh?

Yes, I was pleased as punch by the direction things seemed to be heading. Celeste was hanging out with Felix and me pretty much exclusively instead of having one-night-stands, and I was getting more physical intimacy with her than ever. And of course I was secretly delighted and titillated that she was being kinda-sorta shared by two boys, although I wasn’t prepared to admit that to myself or to them.

[scarfolamew]

The three of us were soon inseparable 24/7. We’d hang out all day, and then spend nights together in Felix’s bed with Celeste in between us. It went without saying that we would get to cuddle with her and spoon her; the poor girl was resigned to having her ass pressed into my crotch and was trying to draw the line at me cupping a breast in tandem.

I was starting to suspect that part of the reason for all this physical contact, and for Felix and Celeste tolerating my weirdness and pushiness around it, was that the two of them were falling for each other right before my fucking eyes. Like, their attraction to each other overrode their better judgment and took precedence over the hesitation my presence engendered.

So I’d play these stupid games with them in which I’d push back on my increasing third-wheel status.

There was some notion of keeping things even; when we procured weed or alcohol or food, there’d be an effort to ensure everyone got an equal share. I’d use this same language to discuss Celeste’s body. If I woke up to the two of them cuddling, I’d offer that this meant it was now my turn to spoon Celeste.

I remember one morning where I was being particularly pushy with all of this, explaining how the fact that Felix and my pajama ensembles didn’t include shirts meant that Celeste had to follow suit and go topless. Celeste immediately laughed in my face and shot down the suggestion, but then negotiations ensued. It went something like this:

S: Okay well if you’re not going to be topless, you have to at least pull your shirt up so your boobs are out for a few minutes.
C: Absolutely not.
S: For one minute.
C: Nope.
S: For like, fifteen seconds!
C: … Ugh, okay, FINE.
S: AND we get to look to make sure you did it.
C: No!
S: Well how will we know that you did it?

And back and forth in this vein. I don’t know if Celeste’s desire to get her tits out for Felix was the deciding factor, or if it had more to do with my relentless pressure, but soon she’d agreed to the following terms: she would cuddle each of us from behind for a few moments and press her bare chest against our backs. She cursed us for our idiocy as she did so while Felix and I snuck verification glances and feels to ensure she followed through.

Readers, this is NOT an okay way to approach consent in any relationship! “No” doesn’t mean “gradually wear me down.” To my great shame, I mistreated my dear Celeste considerably in this manner before taking the lesson to heart. Felix was only guilty insofar as he failed to more extensively stand up for her and reprimand me for my behavior.

The dynamic shifted gradually between the three of us as Celeste and Felix fell in love with each other.

I don’t remember what the context was – maybe a forfeit over losing a hand in a card game – but during another stupid tit-for-tat negotiation I was trying to convince Celeste that losing the hand meant she had to make out with the other two players; eg, Felix and me.

I dunno if she was just fed up with my bullshit, or unable to resist the opportunity. Celeste replied that while she wasn’t going to make out with me, she was perfectly willing to make out with Felix. And then she did!

Perhaps it was their first real kiss. It sure may have been from the way they tore into each other and moaned hungrily into one another’s mouths. This happened inches from my face, and it’s the most cuckolded I’ve ever felt in my life. The girl I loved turning me down and then, a moment later, passionately kissing my other best friend in front of me.

I sat there watching for a few moments with my jaw on the floor before, overcome with jealousy, I physically reached in and pried them apart.

[scarfolamew]

Why did Celeste and Felix tolerate me for as long as they did? It would take an overt, cataclysmic fight between the three of us to bring this particular scenario to an end. In the meantime, my relationship with them continued to deteriorate.

It had already gotten to the point where they were taking advantage of any time they had together without me, based upon how I’d often arrive to find them in various states of being red faced and out-of-breath and trying not to look suspicious. Of course, my jealousy-fixated brain maximized every little detail in this regard and added fiction on top of fact.

One of my lowest moments came when Celeste complained that the panties she was wearing had gotten too small: her boy shorts could no longer contain her ass cheeks, which she claimed peaked out of the bottom. Not missing a beat, Felix and I assured her that they probably looked really cute and that we’d be happy to render an opinion. Celeste actually had her pants unzipped and started doing the side-to-side hip shimmy before common sense prevailed and she realized she wasn’t okay with doing that for us.

The night moved on to other things. We watched some movies. There was all this sexual tension in the air between Celeste and Felix. I wanted the night to end; I was tired, I had class the next day, and the vibe in the room was toxic. But I also didn’t want to leave them alone together when Celeste was so excited to tease Felix with her ass that she barely resisted doing it in front of me.

Eventually I realized there was no way out of this; it’s not like I could fucking chaperone them forever; they were going to outlast me, if not tonight, then eventually. I wore my misery on my face as emphatically as I could manage and got up to leave. I used the dorm building’s bathroom first, which meant that another 2 minutes or so later I walked by their door once again on my way out, just in time to hear Felix gushing about the degree to which Celeste’s panty-clad ass was the cutest thing he’d ever seen, and how thoroughly it delivered on its appearance’s promise.

My heart was pretty much shattered.

It wasn’t long after that event that all of this came to a head. The three of us had a public, drunken screaming match. I told Felix he’d stolen my best friend. I told Celeste I had never fallen out of love with her. The only thing we agreed on was that our friendship was over.

[scarfolamew]

Oof, that was a tough section to write. And we're not quite done; I got reflections on what I went through with Felix and Celeste that I intend to get off my chest.

But don't worry, happier times are ahead. Reconciliation with Celeste and further adventures we shared, and of course my exquisite wife Morgan.

[scarfolamew]

So Celeste and Felix and I had officially broken up, such as friends or whatever we were go through break-ups.

I knew I had fucked up. There was shame and humiliation, heartbreak and jealousy. Grief over the loss of friendship. I knew I had to get over Celeste; I’d spent nearly half my college experience chasing a girl who didn’t return my feelings. My other friendships had all suffered.

I mentioned that this was a very small school, so any and all drama was fairly public. I had to pretty much own what had happened and intentionally make a change. I approached my non-Celeste and Felix friends and apologized for having grown distant from them, and asked for their help in my emotional rehabilitation.

They were good friends. Life got better.

As I came out of this fugue of sexual obsession and romantic fixation, I was pretty stunned by my own behavior.

I’d always had a love/hate relationship with Celeste’s sexual adventures and the extent to which I got to bear witness to them, either via her firsthand accounts, or from those few times when I’d dropped by her room at the wrong time and actually heard her getting her brains fucked out. I was pretty embarrassed by the fact that while this stuff made me jealous, it also turned me on, a lot.

For the most part, I wasn’t brave enough to really embrace this even in the privacy of my own mind. I’d masturbate to porn or erotic stories and just allow the barest hints of what would become a proper Celeste fap-reel to leak into my mind’s eye.

There were a few items that turned me on so much that I openly (to myself) masturbated to them, in spite of the burning jealousy they also instilled. That she had flashed me her tits and made out with me so that I would help her get fucked by Big Dick Mike was one; oddly enough, all the details about her fucking her high school friend Simon were another. These experiences were quite intense. I think I was literally muttering “oh god” to myself out of shame that I was straight up rubbing it out to the thought of these things. So mostly, I kept these thoughts just at the edge of consciousness.

But that little incident in which Celeste got her pants off for Felix, to show off just a hint of booty peeking out under her shorts, the minute they’d finally gotten rid of me… man, I think I would love reading about that happening to someone else. I still kinda hate it, though, and it's certainly not something I've ever been able to transmute into anything erotic. Celeste and Felix and I are all old friends at this point and it’s fucking humiliating to admit this, but it’s basically the one memory that I can conjure up and focus on and feel those terrible old feelings of jealousy and resentment again.

I suppose I really did want to be in some sort of polyamorous relationship with them. I definitely didn’t want to be excluded entirely. In the aftermath, I grappled with something immensely shameful: realizing that even if participation was off the table, I still acutely yearned to be a fly on the wall, an ear at the door, a second-hand witness to Celeste’s graphic description the next day.

This is one case where, if I really think it through, the fantasy unravels. It was their private time together, and it makes me feel quite icky and invasive to confess that I had those urges. There’s a lot I’d go back and change if I could (what the FUCK did Lanaya say on that tape when she was on molly??) but intruding further on Celeste and Felix’s budding romance than I already did is absolutely not one such item.

In fact, I very much wish that I’d somehow extricated myself from the whole cuddle-party aspect of it ... after the very first group fondle session in Felix’s car – which I do consider to be a very sexy and wholesome memory!

—

Celeste and Felix and I entered into a truce so that we could coexist in our tight knit friend group, but mostly they continued keeping to themselves as the three of us had been doing in the fake polycule. This suited me just fine, as seeing them was like pouring lemon juice on my wounds. I basically avoided going anywhere near the areas of campus where they were apt to be found, presumably fucking in one of their dorm rooms.

I started going to more parties again. I made out with more girls. Still couldn’t seal the deal.

During sophomore year, I lived in a small dorm building where everybody was very close knit. In the spirit of being more adult, the female residents were pretty comfortable padding around the hallways in their underwear, like say to go to the bathroom at night. The most beautiful women I’d ever seen, in thin cotton tanktops and lacey panties, nipples clearly visible, just ambling about the hallways like they lived there (since they did). The guys were all respectful about it.

These girls all knew I’d been through a whole emotional meltdown since, as mentioned, everybody knew everybody. One of the girls straight up offered to fuck me, if it would help me feel better about everything. Let’s call her Natasha. The conversation was something like:

N: What’s wrong?
S: Oh you know, the usual.
N: What’s the usual?
S: Sexually frustrated, I guess?
N: LOL well, I’ll have sex with you if you want!

It made me really happy that she offered! I made out with her and touched her butt.

Friends, it took Natasha another several months of offering me her pussy before I finally worked up the courage to sleep with her. This girl lived down the HALL from me and I still couldn't follow through. I don’t know what the hell my problem is.

Stay tuned for the next episode, in which Celeste and I go on an unexpected roadtrip together!

[whosbeensleeping]

This is a gripping tale! I could read this forever, lol.

[scarfolamew]

I feel pretty emotionally drained from writing all of the above. I've obviously spent a lot of time dwelling on this stuff and analyzing it, but actually sitting down and putting pen to pad makes it all concrete and real.

Also, you might find it interesting that I told Celeste about this thread and shared it with her early on in the process. So I've been writing all of this knowing that she'd be reading it. In one sense I'm not sure how much is going to be new information to her; Celeste, possessed of great powers of insight, probably knew a lot of this stuff about me before I knew it about myself. On the other hand there's no way she knows all the contours of what I specifically obsessed over, and there are a few admissions in those last few chapters that I feel pretty fuckin low about.

She's been very nice about it all so far, but she hasn't read my account of the whole Felix saga yet. Or she has, but doesn't know what to say to me about it lol. It's kinda fun and nostalgic, feeling a little touch of angst over good ol Celeste again after all this time

I also tried to get her to register as "Celeste" and post her thoughts here... wouldn't she be a hero if she did that? Sound off in the comments! Or if there's anything in specific you think I should ask her, let me know.

In the meantime, there's quite a bit more to this saga, so we will forge ahead!

[scarfolamew]

This is a gripping tale! I could read this forever, lol.

Thank you for the kind words! I can't promise you forever; I estimate we're about 2/3 to 3/4 of the way through all the dumb shit that our four heroines and I got up to.

[scarfolamew]

Here's the thing: Celeste and I did love each other. Celeste is a being suffused with love to give; she isn't just a good friend, she is a truly deep and loving friend, and we were best friends for a brief but significant period in our lives. And I believe she and I will always be friends, and she'll always love my wife Morgan and me, and we’ll always love her.

What's the difference between loving someone and being "in love" with them? My solution to that riddle was to try and fall out of lust with Celeste. Then maybe I could love her back as a friend, and not be in love with her, and not be distraught by the fact that she and Felix were now living together as a virtually married couple – as opposed to a virtually married sexless couple, as I'd ruefully assessed our relationship to have been before Felix entered the picture.

The trick was separating the love from the sexual obsession.. wasn't it? Hence me trying to work up the courage to fuck Natasha and other girls. It’s what I thought I wanted to be doing anyway, but it was also a deliberate means of getting over Celeste.

Life wasn’t going to unfold so neatly.

She actually reached out to me first. The details are unimportant, but some logistical disaster had gotten Celeste stranded in a nearby town; Felix and his sedan were not available to provide her transportation back to campus.

We hadn't spoken for months and I had been an ice cold dick to them whenever our paths crossed socially. Or at least, I'd been distant and mildly passive aggressive - we did have a truce after all - you don't think I'm completely bereft of honor do you??

So it was a surprise to see her number pop up on my phone at all that night. She needed a ride. She put it in a manner of, "I'm sorry to even ask you, but I need your help."

Of course, no apology was necessary; my heart had immediately melted. I picked her up and as we drove, she detailed the whole logistical snafu that had put her in need of rescuing. I offered my sympathy. We were both tiptoeing around, ya know, us being ex-best friends and whatever else.

She asked if we could park somewhere and talk for a bit before I took her home.

And basically, Celeste told me that things were not going well between her and Felix. The three of us had been pretty isolated as a trio, and that isolation had deepened without me there. There was an ever-shifting lattice of people and experiences for someone like Celeste to thrive on at our school, but she’d ended up shut off from it, spending all her time with someone who preferred to stay inside his comfort castle.

I suppose I felt some degree of hollow validation. I don’t want to throw my buddy Felix under the bus too hard or anything, and I don’t know that I would have done any different if she’d agreed to be my girlfriend at any point in all of this. I didn't tell her "told you so" or anything idiotic like that. It wasn’t a matter of having to bite my tongue; I was genuinely dismayed that the worst version of their relationship seemed to have manifested. I was also appalled with Felix for having fucked things up so badly that she was actually reaching out to me about it.

Now on that note, in a sense it was maybe kinda inappropriate and even fucked up for Celeste to put this on me of all people, and I think she acknowledged that in preamble. But she was having a legitimate crisis over it. She told me she felt like she was becoming a ghost of herself, the world shrinking around her and becoming distant.

And, that she missed me.

But hadn’t I dared to feel the spark of hope when I saw her name appear on my phone? When she asked if we could stop and talk before I drove her home? Wasn’t some part of me trying to find a reason why this all meant there was still a chance she could be mine instead?

There was, and it’s why I did maybe the first mature thing I have related in this entire story. I told her that I couldn’t be the friend that would help her with whatever she was going through. I couldn’t do it, because I had never fulfilled my end of the fucking bargain and gotten over my feelings for her. So I still couldn’t be her friend, even now when she was telling me she needed me to be.

I told her it was no problem that she had called me up, that I would always be there to help her out if she was stranded somewhere or some other such thing. But I couldn’t be there for her emotionally, not for this.

She said she understood, and I drove her home.

—

Nonetheless, what the fuck were we going to do? I couldn’t well keep up my sad bastard routine around her after she’d opened up to me. The next time we happened to be together at a party, Celeste and I just knew we were friends again, simple as that.

It was actually a fun night. I got pretty hammered. I hung out with a group of people that included Celeste and Felix, but played it cool and conversed with them instead of avoiding them.

There was some sort of event going on around campus and we were migrating from place to place, configuring and reconfiguring into different subgroups. The night grew long. Celeste got annoyed with Felix over something; not like actually angry, more a matter of she wanted to change locations when he didn’t or vice versa.

Anyway, we found ourselves walking back across campus together, just her and I. The mood was light; we were both really happy to be having fun and laughing together and it wasn’t the time to bring up any heavy shit, but nor did it feel like doing so would be insurmountable when the moment came.

The path took us through the woods, and Celeste had to go pee. We were both pretty drunk. She just yanked her panties down, pulled up her dress and got to work.

C (mid-piss, singing): I diiiiitched my boyfrieeeeend
S: …
C: …
S: Nice landing strip.
C: AWWWW, you saw my pussy??

And we both laughed hysterically.

Look, I’m telling you this little anecdote for two reasons. For one I couldn’t go this whole dramatic sexless chapter without just a little nudity. But more importantly, this was seriously a breakthrough moment in my relationship with Celeste!

There was just no underlying sexual tension in that moment at all. It didn’t matter to her that I’d glanced at her pubes, because it hadn’t really mattered to ME. I wasn’t balancing on some tightrope, averting my eyes because failing to do so would send me plummeting into the abyss of lust or jealous despair.

And I dunno, it was just easy to feel in that moment how much more I cared about being able to laugh with my friend again, than any of the drama and despair that had seemed so all-encompassing before.

[scarfolamew]

So Celeste and I were friends again, and she suggested that we go on a road trip together.

I’m not sure how it all came about exactly. It’s possible she first suggested it to her boyfriend, and that Felix had been less than enthusiastic. Or maybe she was looking for a little space from him. At any rate, unlike Felix’s Sedan, my station wagon had room for a comfortable sleeping area in the back, so I was really the only one in a position to make this road trip happen.

Now, at this point I was really seriously for real about being Celeste’s actual friend and moving past my romantic attachment to her. But a road trip with just the two of us, sleeping in the back of my car together? The whole notion of it might have set back my progress a little bit, I admit.

It almost fell apart at the last minute when Felix pitched a fit about her going. And… like, of course he did. He knew I was in love with her, and how comfortable we were with each other’s personal space. I would have been a total mess over it if I were him. Although, it’s possible he didn’t consider me to be any sort of threat at all, and just didn’t want to be left alone for a few days.

I seem to remember that she very hesitantly asked if Felix could come with us. I hope I didn’t overreact too much but I was not at all pleased that she had even proposed it. But, even if it bothered me more than it should have, I think we did both want the trip to be “us” time. So she sorted him out, and we left.

It was one of the craziest adventures I’ve ever had in my life.

No, I didn’t get lucky with Celeste, and I did freak out a little about the fact that I was still basically in love with her even though it was getting easier. And just about the fact that I had no idea what the fuck I was doing in life at all. And it was at the end of a particularly surreal and bizarre experience that just left me feeling completely untethered.

We slept in the back together in sleeping bags. It was cold, winter in the northeast US. I don’t think we cuddled up since I probably would have fixated on it and remembered every detail.

Celeste had me turn around when she needed to change her clothes. It would have been inappropriate for her to do otherwise; she had a boyfriend! But nonetheless it made me kind of sad; not to be deprived of a glimpse of titty so much as that it was a symbol of how she had to be guarded around me and not do anything that would set me walking on that tightrope.

We didn’t really have any plans, destination-wise. There’s all sorts of crazy old places on the east coast to explore and we had time and gas to go anywhere. We visited my friend Rose, the one who had introduced me to Luna, who went to an ivy league a few hours away. It was kinda awkward.

We saw villages of ancient, peeling buildings that had somehow survived decades on ice-battered coasts. It was terrifying for a California boy to drive through all this in the winter. There was a neighborhood we knew of that supposedly had some of the most expensive and opulent mansions in the nation; we ended up driving among what seemed to be castles looming at us out of the night.

There was the sound of a party coming from one such. Celeste wanted to crash the party.

Doing something like this was wildly outside my comfort zone. Celeste plied me with a bottle of tequila. She made it into a game; not the kind you’re hoping for. While I worked up the courage, we passed the bottle back and forth and made up fake identities, fake names and pasts: orphan siblings who had been living on the road together since we were young. That way it would be our aliases, not us, who were crashing the party.

And we fucking did it. We wandered around to the backyard of this immense beachside mansion, from where the hooting and hollering of a party was originating.

It seemed like some sort of frat party, although the people were slightly too old. We just started asking around for the host, to check in with them and see if they’d be okay with two strangers inviting themselves into their home. One of the people we asked immediately took a shine to us and took it upon himself to guide us around and introduce us to everybody.

It turned out, this was a party being thrown for members of the armed service, on a brief leave before returning to duty. Would have been Afghanistan or Iraq at the time. It explained why the vibe of the party had been something like a frat party, but with an edge to it: these folks were going through something a bit more intense than college students.

They were bemused by our presence and extremely cordial and welcoming to us. Celeste and I were entertaining guests.

We told them our fake story and did all the silly pranks we’d planned to go along with it. One of these pranks was dancing with each other. We were at a point where it would have been really uncool for Celeste to offer, or for me to request, anything overtly sex- or nudity-related as, like, an incentive. But, we did both think the idea of pretending to be siblings and then dancing just a little too intimately for comfort was pretty funny. And I obviously didn’t mind the idea of dancing with Celeste.

And so we did! We kept it subtle but I may have let my fingers graze her ass every now and then, and things of that nature.

The dancing was fun, but our whole presence at the party eventually became really weird and we started to feel guilty for our little ruse, especially given that these folks were clearly going through some shit that wasn’t to be made light of.

We said our goodbyes. We were too drunk to make it far. We had some heavy conversations, prompted by the surreal events that had unfolded. As mentioned earlier, I did freak out a bit and Celeste let me cry on her shoulder. Celeste talked to me about Felix; positive things, about how his love was like a fire that made her feel safe. I told her I was happy for her, and I honestly really was, mostly. I only had to fake it a little bit.

---

We've strayed a bit from our main topic with this last adventure, but I just had to include it. I wouldn't have felt right concluding the Celeste saga without our legendary trip up the coast .. or is this indeed the conclusion? Plus, we could argue that I sort of cucked Felix by taking his girlfriend on a roadtrip and dancing with her. Maybe some other events in that spirit would occur later...

Things continued to get better between Celeste and I; there were steps forward and steps back. I eventually started having sex with Natasha. I should have made it more of a priority, and sooner.

The prettiest girl at the whole school, Morgan, was increasingly entering the periphery of my friend group. She was an athlete, a pothead. She worked at one of the facilities on campus and wore this damn hat that made her look painfully cute. I told all my friends how gorgeous I believed her to be. I dunno who to compare her to, celeb-wise. In terms of her body, maybe Jennifer Lawrence in SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK? But Morgan's boobs are like twice as big as Ms. Lawrence's, and she has a very different facial character. Scarlett Johannsen in LUCY, again for the body and general complexion, and also for the superpowers.

I think I'd mustered the courage to approach her one single time by this point, with the specific goal of "I am GOING to talk to and flirt with and make friends with this fucking unicorn" and the sparks had just been nonexistent: a total strikeout on my part. I didn't know anything about her and she wasn't offering me anything to work with.

So buckle up folks, the Morgan saga begins!

[whosbeensleeping]

Thanks for the installments. An amazing read, as usual. I like the names you've chosen for the ladies.

[scarfolamew]

So I was trying to live my life as a college sophomore, get over my romantic fixation on my best friend Celeste and have some of my own adventures, sexual or otherwise.

Let me reiterate: we were a bunch of horny kids, in a remote isolated wilderness-bound campus, doing drugs and having sex together. I told you I had to make up outrageous names for the main characters in the story, because in reality everybody in this manic depressive pixie dreamworld did have names like Aurora and Foster and Leonora and so on.

Throughout college, I had more luck with women than some of the accounts I see on Reddit from endlessly friendzoned kissless virgins. And when I look back on photos of myself from then, I can kinda see why. It was really too bad for all my superb female classmates that this good looking guy (me) was such a neurotic, obsessive freak instead of somebody who was willing to put out.

Let’s tie up some loose ends in this regard, since it’s all important context and background for my eventual pursuit of Morgan. Fear not dear reader, there's lots of sex, cheating and cuckoldry in this chapter!

—

Natasha and I had been make-out buddies for a while, a fact which took effect when we happened upon each other in our tiny dorm’s hallway one night. There were just four rooms on this floor that all shared the same bathroom. We kept the lights off at night and nobody bothered covering up much for quick trips to the bathroom and back. Natasha was more adventurous than most.

That night the murmured, drowsy hallway greeting we exchanged turned into a hug, then a kiss. When my hands strayed down to explore her body in what was hopefully a skimpier outfit than usual, I was stunned to discover her naked behind.

Natasha was straight up bottomless in the hallway, scurrying from the restroom to her dorm in nothing but a sheer tank top. I hadn’t noticed because my eyes weren’t adjusted to the dark.

“Oh my fucking god, Natasha,” I hissed at her. I greedily seized her naked flesh and pulled her in to kiss her hungrily. “Is this your bare ass??”

“Yes. Do you have a condom?” she giggled at me. This was maybe the fourth or fifth time she’d offered me sex in a similarly blunt manner.

“We’re just going to fuck here in the hallway?!” I demanded.

“We can if you want,” she offered sweetly as she turned to face away from me, placing her legs a bit apart, and bending over completely at the waist so that her hands were on the floor. My hands automatically took hold of her naked hips as she ground her ass back against me. I could actually hear her moisture as her pussy lips peeled apart under her posture and my grip.

I wasn’t brave enough to do it in the hallway where we could have so easily been caught. We spread out a towel and fucked on the bathroom floor.

I didn’t have any romantic feelings towards Natasha. I did think she was attractive, and I found her sexual forwardness very exciting, at least in theory. Nonetheless, it had taken me almost the entire year before I finally took advantage of there being a girl living 15 feet away who was regularly offering me her body.

And it’s not even the memory I go back to over and over in my mind. Not compared to all sorts of less overtly-sexual scenarios, like Keith and I drawing on Lanaya’s tits. Or watching Felix and Celeste make out inches from my eyes.

I dunno, sex with Natasha was almost too wholesome to really appeal to my sensibilities. No-strings-attached fucking offered by a sex-positive individual. Generous and giggly in the sack. No jealousy or angst or anything really to ignite the tinder of lust for me I guess!

—

Indeed, it’s the near-misses and what-ifs that stand out most to me.

At one of the year-end parties, I was approached by a wildly attractive and not-at-all sober female acquaintance of mine. Let’s call her Daisy.

Stammering and blushing, Daisy had worked up the courage to confess that she’d had a crush on me all year, and REALLY wanted to hook up with me, but the trouble was she was in a sort-of relationship still with her high school boyfriend (I think the zoomers call it a “situationship”), and as this was the last party of the year he basically had dibs on her for tonight. But we REALLY had to make sure to find an opportunity to hook up soon, she said.

I’d heard that shit before (from the Mean Girls, eg) and I was trying to think of how I might persuade her that this supposed future event was never gonna happen and tonight was in fact the night for us, when Luna of all people intervened!

We’d somehow wound up promising each other sex if we both struck out on our other prospects, and she was ready to collect. I conceded that things were basically not going to happen between me and Daisy.

It resulted in some of the nastiest sex I ever had with Luna. You can’t imagine how different this was from our attempts at romantic lovemaking when we’d been dating. I was giving her a hard time for cockblocking me at the party and openly lamenting how amazing it would have been to experience anything with Daisy, and she was taunting me about how her high school boy harem had fucked her better than I ever had.

(It was probably true: I really had no idea what I was doing at that point, sex-wise. More on that later.)

As far as why sweet and romantic Luna was uttering such filth: Luna did have some historical reasons to bear a grudge, is where this may have been coming from to some extent.

I had basically treated Luna the same way Lanaya had treated me: ruthlessly honest about any sexual feelings I had toward others. Yes, that had in fact been part of the agreement we made with each other when we got to college, but I really took that as license to be a complete asshole towards her: whining to her about how come she couldn't be as kinky as Lanaya, making her discuss my nascent crush on Celeste before she and I had even broken up, etc. So it wasn't completely out of the blue for Luna to rib me in this manner; I had it coming.

—

One thing my honesty hadn’t compelled me to share, but which Luna ended up finding out anyway, was that I’d been fooling around with Lena - Luna and Rose’s high school friend - since pretty much day 1 of college.

Luna and Rose had introduced me to Lena when I was visiting on the east coast during high school, so Lena was like the one person I actually knew going into college as a freshman. We got along quite easily and she was cute, horny, and sexually inexperienced in a way that made her unintimidating to me. We fell into a touchy-feely routine with ease.

Yes, while I was still dating my high school sweetheart Luna and falling in love with my best friend Celeste and feeling sorry for myself about all that, I was also asking random women on campus if I could feel them up, and I was hooking up with Luna's friend.

Lena is quite a character and it’s tempting to go into all sorts of detail about her, but some of what went down is so wildly specific .. it really sets off my alarm bells about keeping this whole story anonymous. Like, the very first time I saw Celeste naked was due to a mean stunt Lena pulled; it involves an art project… we’ll leave it at that.

Lena said whatever the fuck was on her mind, and would swing theatrically between different moods and states of mind. Intentionally, it seemed to me; as in, it was an affected character trait.

The sexy stuff started when she asked me for a shoulder rub; my fingers ventured beyond her collarbone towards her pectoral muscles. As if shocked to find it so, she said, “Dude, it’s kinda turning me on that you’re touching my tits.”

Then a few moments later she'd crumpled forward, crossed her arms over her chest, and was shaking her head from side to side in the physical embodiment of despair. “We can’t! I can’t let you do that!” And then she immediately changed the subject and it was as if it hadn’t happened. Like I said, quite a character.

We’d play a weird game of chicken and try to talk each other into sexual activities. She dared me to masturbate to completion in front of her. I did. Lena was immensely impressed with the size of my dick. I chalked it up to her inexperience - it was something like the third penis she’d seen, she claimed. But when I tell you Lena was theatrical, I mean that she would literally collapse to the ground when I unveiled it, as if utterly flummoxed by its volume. She told me it was “like a bus.” She’d sneak me into bathrooms during parties and make me get hard and show her. It really inflated my ego.

She’d never sucked dick before. I obviously dared her to take action against this fact. She very shyly put her lips around me and then maybe 5 seconds later went into one of her bouts of guilt-ridden despair.

We eventually defined a comfortable boundary for both of us, which was: she would let me touch and suck on her tits, while I masturbated and blasted ropes for her. She loved seeing me masturbate in public places, and got her tits out for me all over campus. She’d also rub herself off while fondling my dick with her free hand, as I continued attending to her breasts. Perfectly round and perky b-cups, by the way.

This is still one of my favorite ways to get off with a woman, often preferable to PiV. The wanking over boobs thing and mutual masturbation, not the public stuff.

It never occurred to me to feel remotely guilty about any of this. Lena and I had zero romantic attachment whatsoever. Nonetheless I was straight up cheating on Luna with her high school friend.

Eventually I annoyed Lena over something, so she told Luna about the whole thing. Luna and I had long since broken up but she was hurt by it nonetheless.

I suffered virtually no consequence for my wrongdoing; quite the opposite.

You see, Lena confessed all this shit to Luna, but then the two had spent the night drinking and bonding and commiserating over what a scoundrel I was. Drinking, bonding… and then eventually making out, getting naked together, and exploring each other's bodies.

So not only had they already exorcised all the bad emotions by the time they confronted me about it, they’d decided to further “get revenge” on me by taunting me with all the details about their tryst.

Some revenge! Didn’t I wish I had been there, they’d gloated? Didn't it just kill me to learn that this had transpired, and I'd never be able to have borne witness or participated in it?

I mean sure, but hearing about it was also amazing. It went right into the mental fap-reel. I encouraged them to act on any such urges whenever they struck in the future.

—

Let me mention one more thing about Lena: she loved flashing her tits and would get them out at the merest provocation. Including and especially at my say-so. I absolutely loved that I could suggest it, and she would show her breasts to a group of people in public.

Suppose a third person was trying to convince me of something; I’d say “Fine, I’ll do it if Lena shows her tits,” and Lena would immediately and proudly yank her shirt up to her neck. And she’d want as much attention as possible to be on them while she had them exposed. She’d point out their specific details and properties and ask for everybody’s input and feedback.

Her exhibitionism really turned me on, but similar to Natasha’s carefree approach to sex, it lacked some needed edge for me. I loved seeing Lena’s naked boobs in public contexts, but it didn’t compare to the times that the more reserved Celeste had been naked in front of me or in front of a small group of us. Or the fantasy of seeing Morgan in any such context.

[scarfolamew]

What did I know about Morgan other than that she was exceedingly lovely to look upon? I’d bespied her favoring others with radiant smiles and full-bodied laughter, but I’d never been able to cultivate or contrive even a hint of flirtation or chemistry between us in the rare instance our paths had crossed.

By the time we enter junior year of college in this story, what I had with Morgan was a proper distant admirer / pursuer scenario. I'd built her up and mythologized her in my mind. The fantasies I harbored weren’t sexual, they were more on the order of “what if our school suffered a zombie attack and we randomly ended up having to rely on one another in the ensuing struggle, and she realized that I was cool?”

Yeah, I was already going all-in on this and I didn’t even know the poor woman yet.

I’ve alluded before to the fact that I had a somewhat tight-knit friend group beyond Celeste and Felix, and they were all rooting for me to get past my heartbreak over those two. I put it about among these friends that I was quite interested in That One Girl Morgan.

The immediate response from one of my buddies was: “Morgan? I fucked her.”

Let’s call this guy Keanu. Yes, Keanu.

If you knew him, you’d get it. But don’t picture the dignified Reeves of John Wick; we’re talking the era of The Matrix, where idolizing and emulating Neo was kinda generic and cliche in a way that really just captures this guy’s personality to me.

But also, who doesn’t like Neo and think that he is cool? Despite our differences I do still care for my friend Keanu, whose central importance to this story you’ll soon discover.

He was really sexually outgoing and kind of obnoxious about it. He’d hook up with girls and then boast to us, reviewing their bodies and sexual performance.

Careful readers will recall that I lobbed a hand grenade into my friend group in high school when I hooked up with a girl whose affection my buddy and I were competing for, and then boasted to everyone about it. So while I was obviously no saint in this regard, I was still appalled that this kid didn’t just boast, but actually talked shit about the women who had entrusted him with their intimacy.

We had the conversation about Morgan over text.

S: I think I am developing a massive crush on Morgan at this point.
K: Morgan? I fucked her.
S: …. Okay?? Why are you telling me that?
K: Well I mean because we’re buds and you’re telling me you like her, so I just wanted everything to be out in the open.
S: Like, under what circumstances did you and Morgan hook up??
K: It was a Friday night and we were all partying.
K: I was looking for someone else and knocked on the wrong door.
K: She answered in her underwear.
K: Just a thong and a skimpy bra.
K: We were both pretty buzzed, one thing led to another and I fucked her.

I was fucking crushed. Not my sweet Morgan, whom I defended from various apocalypses in my dreams! I had decided Morgan was this grand romantic prospect despite barely having had a conversation with her, and I was already feeling cuckolded over the whole situation.

It’s not like I’d been hoping for her to be a virgin or a saint or something, but why did it have to be fuckin Keanu?

I was fairly comfortable humiliating myself before my close female friends and begging them for details about their sex lives. Not so with Keanu. I didn’t pursue the blow-by-blow like I normally would have: had she sucked his dick, what had she looked like naked, did they use protection, where did he cum, etc. Of course, I tortured myself with curiosity about all these items.

Regardless, if I was going to pursue Morgan, it had to be through Keanu. That was basically how she was connected to our friend group: regardless of whatever drunken hookup had transpired between them, Morgan and Keanu were dorm neighbors and fairly close friends.

We still somehow wound up in a situation where he’d sort of coach me on how to approach Morgan and talk to her, since he was apparently the resident Morganologist and all. Mostly it was just him encouraging me to work up the nerve to try and score with her.

K: Bro, she’s probably wearing a thong right now. Just let that be your motivation.
S: How the fuck would you know she’s wearing a thong?
K: Because she usually does. Hold on.

Morgan was engaged in conversation elsewhere at this same social gathering; Keanu interrupted her and whispered something in her ear, she whispered something back and returned her attention to whomever she was speaking with. He returned and confirmed she was indeed wearing a thong.

This drove me nuts because I clocked exactly the sort of relationship I assumed they must have had. They’d had a drunken hookup, so now it was no big deal for him to ask what kind of underwear she was wearing and things of that nature. He probably stole regular fondles of her ample breasts and buttocks. And who knows what else. I certainly knew what I was like around female friends who had become physically comfortable with me.

Foreshadowing: I recently (as in, within the last few days) found out new information about Keanu’s perspective on all of this that really puts it all in a new light but we’ll get to all that.

—

Keanu wasn’t Morgan’s only close male friend. There was a whole cadre of gents with whom she had seemingly platonic friendships (give or take the occasional intoxicated blunders that I was certain must have transpired). It wasn’t like these guys were a friend group; these were all one-on-one friendships she had. I assumed that all of these dudes were hopelessly in love with her, but she insisted they were just her good friends.

Somehow, I became one of her good friends.

It only took Morgan opening up to me the slightest bit, and I was IN.

It turned out that the most beautiful girl in the world and I had bottomless histories of similar life experience, vast lexicons of shared enthusiasm to giddily chart out on this topic and that. We each had, as well, deep interests that had completely passed the other by, and we literally couldn’t comprehend how this could be the case: it immediately became of urgent importance to catch one another up on everything.

You’ll have noted that I’m the type to quickly form very intense and attached friendships, and indeed Morgan and I went from awkward acquaintances to inseparable in what seemed to be a blink of an eye. But what was different about Morgan was the way my need for any alone time or personal space just evaporated.

One of the first times we spent time together one on one, we were lying side by side on her bed listening to music, going down one rabbit hole after another, jumping from topic to topic and comparing notes on life. It just got later and later until suddenly it was morning; we had passed out in bed together and slept through to the next day.

And so it was just normal, from the very beginning of our relationship, to spend the night in bed together. There was like a 50% probability of it happening every time we hung out.

Looking back, nobody else in our lives ever stood a chance.

Or so I thought. I was prepared to rejoice and reap the benefits of where such a strong and deep connection was surely leading. I mean, I’d gotten her into my bed almost immediately, right? This couldn’t possibly be another case of me falling for someone who wanted to be Just Friends, right?!

[whosbeensleeping]

Congratulations on more epic episodes!

[scarfolamew]

Congratulations on more epic episodes!

Cheers

[scarfolamew]

When I’d been getting to know Celeste, she was pretty blunt with me regarding how she’d clocked my desire for her, and tried to immediately set me straight on what I could expect from the relationship. Of course we all know how that went.

Even in an alternate timeline where I had respected Celeste’s boundaries from the beginning, I imagine I still would have been privy to the inner workings of her sex life. It’s simply a topic Celeste considers quite extensively with her immense cerebral powers, a topic she simply is going to discuss with some of her very close friends. Or maybe she has been uniquely open with me about it over the years.. I’ve actually never really wondered about it before. I’ll have to ask her.

At any rate, that’s emphatically not how things unfolded with Morgan. Morgan and I spent months dancing around the issue. I thought it was pretty obvious from the beginning that I was pursuing her as a romantic partner, but we were by no means having frank and graphic discussions about it or anything remotely related to sex. The subject was, like, unbroachable.

The Morgan I was getting to know didn’t seem at all like someone who would get drunk and fuck a guy like Keanu. She didn’t even seem the type who would own sexy underwear, the knowledge of which Keanu was fond of reminding me he possessed.

I mean, she dressed like a librarian or something. Not a single plunging neckline in her wardrobe, her eminently displayable DD-cup breasts perpetually, tragically hidden as well as she could manage beneath sports bras and sweaters. Keanu was happy to inform me about her cup size, though.

The sleepover routine became more official, to the point that Morgan and I literally had personal effects stored in one another’s dorms as if we were in a serious committed relationship. *I still hadn’t made any sort of actual direct move on her, any romantic overture at all really.*

Was I scared of fucking things up? Of forcing her to utter the words I suspected she would: that as close as we had become, she just considered me to be a really good friend?

Yes! I was terrified.

I was wildly jealous of Morgan’s other close male friends. At least a couple of these boys were outwardly jealous of me. And well they should have been; I was the only one spending the night with her… wasn’t I?

—


The first time the topic of sex was directly broached between Morgan and I was under less than ideal circumstances.

I’ve told some pretty scummy stories about my misdeeds and disrespect towards women. This one’s an all-timer.

Natasha and I were still occasionally having sex. It was a new school year and we were no longer dorm neighbors, but every now and then one of us would swing across campus and drop by the other’s room unannounced and possibly enjoy a spontaneous fuck.

This only happened, like, 2-3 times. I was rapidly losing interest as my infatuation with Morgan skyrocketed.

I was taking a nap when Natasha dropped by to see if I was available. It completely slipped my mind that Morgan and I were scheduled to meet up for dinner that night. I was balls deep in Natasha when Morgan’s knock at my door brought reality crashing down around me.

I panicked. In no universe was I going to open that door and cause a direct interface between myself, a flush-faced, freshly-fucked Natasha, and Morgan.

So, I made Natasha climb out my window instead.

I wish I was making this up. It immediately became clear that this had been, by far, the stupidest of my options. I opened the door and Morgan was kind of like… what the fuck is going on here? She obviously had been able to hear another person in the room with me and some ensuing commotion.

I couldn’t even follow through on the subterfuge. What was I going to do, make up an elaborate lie? I just buried my face in my hands and came clean and told Morgan what had just happened moments before.

There was nothing overtly wrong with me having casual sex with Natasha. Like I said, Morgan and I had not so much as hinted at the topic of whether our relationship had any potential romantic or sexual component to it. Officially, we had no obligations towards one another in this regard.

But forgetting that I had a dinner date with Morgan, and getting it on with my fuckbuddy?

Making a woman climb out of my fucking window like she’d committed a criminal act?

To say it wasn’t a great look would be an understatement.

I think the degree of remorse and abashedness I displayed in the event’s immediate aftermath softened the blow. I let Morgan know that what had happened was extremely unfortunate, that I was ashamed for her to see me act in such a lowly manner, and that I hoped she wouldn’t judge me too harshly for having committed such a blunder.

We talked a bit about what was going on between me and Natasha. I honestly related the situation as I understood it: that Natasha and I were just having casual sex out of habit / reflex; we didn’t have feelings for each other. I definitely stopped short of pivoting to the fact that she, Morgan, was the one I wanted. I mean, how fucking inappropriate and ill-timed would that have been?

Morgan actually took the whole thing in stride. I’d opened up to her and left myself vulnerable to her judgment on the matter.

So she returned the favor.

“It’s funny you mention feeling stupid over casual sex,” she said. “I did something I feel embarrassed about as well.”

Ah, I thought. She’s going to come clean about how she and Keanu had sex over a year ago at that one party.

I braced myself, thinking I was prepared. I told her she shouldn’t feel embarrassed; if she was comfortable, she could tell me about it.

“Well, last night I had sex with Keanu.”

My heart dropped into my stomach. Last night?!

“We’ve done it a few times,” she continued, every word pounding a new nail into my chest. “It’s stupid. I don’t know why it keeps happening. It’s like you said with Natasha, we don’t really have feelings for each other or anything.”

But! But! Keanu knew I had a crush on Morgan! He fucked her last night?! He was like, giving me tips about how to Pursue her and everything! How could he do this to me?!

While my brain jealously self-destructed, my mouth was operating of its own volition. I was saying things to Morgan before I was even aware. “Well, why are we having sex with these other people and feeling stupid about it?!” I blurted. “We could just be having sex with each other!”

“Ha, very funny. Anyway, don’t feel too bad about the Natasha thing. Just don’t forget when we have plans! And definitely don’t make anybody climb out of your window next time.”

And that seemed to be that. Morgan and Keanu were not just on “tell me what underwear you’re wearing” terms, they were straight up fucking. Morgan had demonstrated zero sexual possessiveness over me. Worst of all, I’d shot my shot, and she’d laughed off the idea of her and I having sex.

[whosbeensleeping]

Bummer. Lol.

[scarfolamew]

Hahaha the next chapter will be MUCH less of a bummer