Single Cuck's Roundtable: Share dating tips while seeking a woman open to this.

[BeNatural]

Hello all! I'm hoping to have a productive ongoing discussion here for both cucks and stag types that are single and seeking a serious loving relationship with a woman that would appreciate monogamy NOT being a requirement on her side. There's a number of perspectives on this. None are wrong, but some will suit some guys and not others.

My qualifications on this: I've been the extra guy for threesomes since age 22. I'm 43 now. Most of the threesomes were in my 20's. Most were hotwifing or secretly cuck type couples. At age 29 I started dating a polyamorous married woman who had another boyfriend as well, who was tall and quite well endowed. After a year or so, we changed our relationship to a cuck dynamic, and I was her service sub. That relationship lasted almost 7 years.

Other than that, I've been reading and posting here, on swinger forums, and on reddit for many years. I see the question come up on reddit r/cuckoldpsychology once or twice a month, where a single cuck type of guy is seeking a loving relationship with a woman that will not be sexually monogamous.

I feel that I have a lot of advice to give. I've given it often, and rarely is it appreciated, it seems.

Next, I've tried various amounts of "reaveal" on dating profiles, and using the label "cuckold" down lower on my profile did not help. It got me 1 really good reply from a woman that lived 200 miles away, who I also was not physically attracted to. This was on Okcupid. My likes dropped down to almost nothing. That was 6 years ago on Okcupid. Things might be slightly different now. Also, Feeld has much more women on it now than it did 6 years ago. Hinge even has a non-monogamous self label, I read.

My best success was mentioning on my Okcupid profile that I'm "monogamish", or "looking for a one-sided open relationship". I got enough likes, though not a ton, and enough dates. I ended up dating a woman who started seeing my friend. It's just that she and I were not matched well enough to become spouses. We are very close friends still to this day though, and I hang out with them a lot.

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I'm going to try and break this down as an outline. I welcome all input after. Also, I'm planning to update my dating progress here, which apps seem to be the best for me, and how much "reveal" on my profile seems wise. Wise, meaning giving the women consideration too, and not wasting their time either.

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Guys that want to have children likely need to prioritize some qualities that I don't need to quite as much. So, I can place even more priority on non-monogamy than they likely want to place on it.

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1st Decision: To use dating apps or not. Everyone single that is seeking faces this decision. I think using apps and going to places with like-minded people is wise, though being slightly introverted I don't go to enough social places.

2nd Decision: If apps and websites, which ones? There's a ton of choices, but I will repeat what Michael C. has said on The Keys and Anklets Podcast, the women on kinky dating sites and apps have so many guys going after them. There's almost too much competition there.

I think it's wise to still make a profile on Fetlife, Feeld, Adultfriendfinder, and maybe reddit r4r's, but don't do only kinky personal adds unless you're a damn good writer and/or a bit more attractive than average. Use vanilla apps / sites too. Okcupid straddles both worlds and is both kinky and vanilla. You can label yourself as monogamous or not, up near your age. You can choose to be matched with mono women or not. I've read that Hinge is now this way. I can't vouch for that.

Bumble is an app where the women have to initiate. That leads me to think there will be a slightly higher percentage of dominant or independent women there, just slightly. I've been curious about Bumble.

Consider the average age of women on each app. Tinder runs the youngest, Bumble is late 20's. Okcupid averages early 30's. Match is early 40's. I will by trying Match for the first time. Even though the average age might be younger on some apps, women of all ages use them.

3rd Decision: How much to reveal on a personal add?

This is the big question that I like to discuss with women. I have posted this on the varified Hotwife "ask them" thread twice, years apart, and both times they did not answer me. Sometimes I feel that single guys are ignored on these communities, unless you're a hot Bull. To be fair, some single guys have earned this situation of being ignored.

My current thinking, is that unless you're quite physically attractive, or funny and a damn good writer, do not mention the word "cuckold" on your vanilla site profile OR mid-kinky Okcupid profile. Do mention it on Fetlife, and probably on Feeld. This seems to be a case of "read the room".

I've seen a woman write a really good profile seeking a cuck. She was a really good writer, and I think women can have this work for them more than men can. There will always be exceptions an men that can pull it off.

Stag & Vixen? I've asked this on a hotwife discussion on reddit, and one woman said she met her guy on an online dating site, and he had written that he was a "stag seeking his vixen". She didn't know what a vixen was, but when he told her, she was open to possibilities in the future.

To reapeat what I wrote earlier, using "monogamish" on my profile has worked the best for me. "one sided open relationship also works". My ex/close friend says that she likes it most if I write something witty like "seeking a woman that would like to have her cake and eat it too. I'll be home cooking for you waiting for you to get home". I tried something like that years ago and it did not seem to work. Now that I'm 43 and more people are open to open relationships, it might work.

4th Decision: How soon to talk about any type of sex with other people?

This will vary as to whether you met them in person in the wild, or off of a dating app. If you met them off of an app, and anything about an open relationship was on the profile, the topic will probably come up in messages before meeting in person, but that's not a certainty. I'd let her bring it up, otherwise aim for a coffee date.

If you met her in person and not from an app, the best advice seems to be to bring it up on the 2nd or 3rd date, unless she brings up sex and fantasies on the first date. My sources for this are Mistress Nurture on YouTube, and also a podcast called The Authentic Hotwife, where she says her husband asked her on the 3rd date, by saying that he felt he could only settle down with a woman that would likely get with other guys later on down the road.

https://youtu.be/e7MCx1GiZbg

https://chartable.com/podcasts/the-auth ... t/episodes

If I meet a woman from Match and I don't have any mention of "monogamish" or "have your cake and eat it too" on my profile, I will wait till the 2nd or 3rd date, just as if I met her in the wild. That is very new to me, and I never wanted to do it, but I'm kind of curious as to how well this would work.

5th Decision: To identify as submissive (or dominant for some stags) on a dating profile. It's a mixed bag. I've asked this on reddit r/BDSMadvice , and women say that guys that mention being a Dom or Sub on their profile, are usually not good at those things/too focused on just those things. So..... take that into consideration.

For us cuck types, mentioning that we are submissive does seem like a good option. It might be. I have described myself as "somewhat submissive and attracted to strong women". That did get me some likes. Since then, I've learned that I'm most compatible with a woman that is a Switch, and not a pure Domme. That will vary for different men though. I won't be turned on by a woman that will get with other sub guys, with rare exception. So, I lean towards looking for a switch, but I will still go to BDSM kink munches for female Dommes.

A similar thing is to only mention on your profile that you're seeking a Female Led Relationship. A woman on Fetlife said this is what I should do. I might, but I'll do it down the road if my other attempts are not working as well.

6th Decision: To join your local BDSM community, or the one in your nearest city.

This is often the advice given to cuckolds on YouTube, especially by Nookie, the creator/owner of the app Dating Kinky, and a book by that title.

This didn't work all that well for me 9 years ago +. I met very few other cuck type guys while going to many parties. I met 2, and one had a super hot Domme that was cucking him. I didn't meet women that mentioned anything about cuckolding, but it was mentioned in classes at the beginning of kink parties just in passing.

This is still good advice, but I don't hold much hope for finding what I'm looking for at kink meetups. I'm still planning to go again.

Closing:

I hope this helps some guys, even if you don't participate and give feedback on this thread. To those that do want to participate, please feel free to post your successes and failures here.

The Common Criticism:
Many traditional guys will say that seeking cuckolding up front will lead to not finding a good whole relationship, and that instead one needs to build a relationship first and hope later that cuckolding can happen. I can understand where they are coming from, but I have two reasons for disagreeing with that approach, UNLESS you want children and cuckolding is not a must have in your life.

I agree with them that a whole healthy relationship should not be built on just cuckolding or hotwifing. I think this can be surpassed by not doing those things early on, and by trying your best to pay attention to real compatibility on many points. So, go slow and don't plan to have an open relationship early on. Plan to be temporarily monogamous for a while to build a foundation, if that suits her too.

Good Luck!

[CastusVulpes]

Shame this didn't take off as it's an important topic. One I'm interested in.

I tried dating apps, nada. Zip. Your big swipe apps are now exorbitantly expensive for the (negative)value they provide, which seems to drop every year.

The goal is how to communicate to a woman you might be interested in one sided non-monogamy sometime in the future without turning her off. The strong relationship/emotional connection is the most important part anyways.

I think the work "cuckhold" still has too much baggage associated with it, viewed by women very negatively.

[xmanacherx]

Wow,I really need this thank you

[toreaddave]

Very helpful, thanks a lot!

[BeNatural]

Well, I went longer than I expected without replying. I took a while to finally get on the apps. I finally got on them, and it's been about 2 weeks now. So, now I have some feedback.

Shame this didn't take off as it's an important topic. One I'm interested in.


The goal is how to communicate to a woman you might be interested in one sided non-monogamy sometime in the future without turning her off. The strong relationship/emotional connection is the most important part anyways.

I think the work "cuckhold" still has too much baggage associated with it, viewed by women very negatively.

A Reddit personal add has worked 2 times for me since I wrote this thread. The benefit is that they know everything ahead of time. When I say worked, I got first dates with women that want a guy to let them continue getting with other guys. One was okay with me being monogamish and getting involved in threesomes when it might include a woman, the other woman would want more strict monogamy, MFM threesomes being an exception (I guess I wouldn't be touching the other guy).

eHarmony, yeh... its a long shot. I got a really good match regarding common interests. On my profile I mentioned that I was looking fora woman that would enjoy more freedom than average. In messaging she asked me what I meant by that. I told her about a one-sided open relationship. She said that even though she thinks she'd be open to that after years, she couldn't see how it would be okay to know that now. She moved on.

The other apps. I've met with a woman from Feeld who is monogamish, and one from Okcupid who is polyamorous. They're kinda opposite problems. Additionally, the poly woman has a husband, but.... she'd want guys to be more serious and have fewer guys, while the monogamish woman won't hookup often at all, but still likes knowing she can.

Bumble- actually have chatted with 2 women on there that like this idea. I mentioned "one sided open relationship" on my reply to one of the prompts. I can't say that helped me. It seemed that these two women liked me regardless of that, and they're just open minded enough to consider it. I actually took it off of my profile this morning.

Hinge- like Okcupid it has a way to identify as non-monogamous on your main descriptor list. It even has space to describe what you mean! I described one sided non-monogamy there. I've gotten 3 or 4 matches on there in a week. One woman 80 miles away really likes the idea that she could have affairs. She comes from a traditional culture and family, so she would be doing it all very discreetly. Unfortunately, I don't know if we'd be a good match otherwise. I really like her desire to have affairs and tell me about them. Here on hinge I was able to hide my non-monogamy label. So, those that search specifically by that can still find me, but others can't see it that just stumble across my profile.

Feeld- like a reddit personal add, or fetlife add on a group, I outright mention that I'm a bit of a cuckold, but don't fit all of the stereotypes. That works for me. In fact, on reddit, I mention something about cheating, or sometimes I say "seeking a woman that doesn't want to be monogamous herself in the future". Then on the add describe that I will be monogamous to her, bu she can have freedom.

Possible Dilemmas

It is true that some of these relationships might not feel as good, or last as long, or.... the cuckolding might not feel as powerful because the relationship wasn't based first on their regular interests alone. I don't think this is a definite outcome, but it will be the case for some relationships.

I do believe that some can last starting this way. In fact, those polyamorous relationships that often last the longest are those that started off that way from the beginning. Some swingers also have gotten together knowing they were both swingers, and they last very well too.

With cuckolding it's more complex because it is so hard to find a woman that knows she wants this while single, that we can overlook other compatibility issues.

Like I also mentioned already, it might not be as powerful, especially if the cucking is done too soon. A couple can choose to wait for cuckolding to happen if she doesn't already have good FWB's worth keeping busy.

Getting through my hard head.

I'm finally seeing that it's better not to mention one-sided open relationships either. Mention "monogamish" if you are sure you want a little freedom yourself, but that narrows your dating pool, but also is a good ideal to match up on.

I'm trying to take on the perspective that we should just say "kink friendly" or nothing at all related to our desires, on our profile ( Still mention it on Feeld, Reddit, and Fetlife ).

The one idea a woman friend told me later is to put on Okcupid, "if you've had trouble being faithful, I'm your guy". She always cheated in her past, and she tells me that would have caught her eye in the past.

A different guy told me to put, " I'm very loyal. I'm the type that probably wouldn't want to break up if you cheated, but instead work it out". It wouldn't work like majic, but those that have a sweet tooth for strange lovers, might want to look further into that.

So, it was 3 dates this past week, and all 3 knew about my proclivities. I'm aiming for 1 date a week minimum.

[philxxo]

That sounds like a good start. 1 date a week would be very good considering the criteria. I am married now, but I am following this closely. If I do ever get single again I will definitely look to be dating as a willing cuckold. I think the best thing is cast a wide net. Use lots of apps and start with as many dates as you can. I think the phrase "if you have trouble being faithful, I am your man" is probably a strong attractant.

[toreaddave]

Well, I went longer than I expected without replying. I took a while to finally get on the apps. I finally got on them, and it's been about 2 weeks now. So, now I have some feedback.

Shame this didn't take off as it's an important topic. One I'm interested in.


The goal is how to communicate to a woman you might be interested in one sided non-monogamy sometime in the future without turning her off. The strong relationship/emotional connection is the most important part anyways.

I think the work "cuckhold" still has too much baggage associated with it, viewed by women very negatively.

A Reddit personal add has worked 2 times for me since I wrote this thread. The benefit is that they know everything ahead of time. When I say worked, I got first dates with women that want a guy to let them continue getting with other guys. One was okay with me being monogamish and getting involved in threesomes when it might include a woman, the other woman would want more strict monogamy, MFM threesomes being an exception (I guess I wouldn't be touching the other guy).

eHarmony, yeh... its a long shot. I got a really good match regarding common interests. On my profile I mentioned that I was looking fora woman that would enjoy more freedom than average. In messaging she asked me what I meant by that. I told her about a one-sided open relationship. She said that even though she thinks she'd be open to that after years, she couldn't see how it would be okay to know that now. She moved on.

The other apps. I've met with a woman from Feeld who is monogamish, and one from Okcupid who is polyamorous. They're kinda opposite problems. Additionally, the poly woman has a husband, but.... she'd want guys to be more serious and have fewer guys, while the monogamish woman won't hookup often at all, but still likes knowing she can.

Bumble- actually have chatted with 2 women on there that like this idea. I mentioned "one sided open relationship" on my reply to one of the prompts. I can't say that helped me. It seemed that these two women liked me regardless of that, and they're just open minded enough to consider it. I actually took it off of my profile this morning.

Hinge- like Okcupid it has a way to identify as non-monogamous on your main descriptor list. It even has space to describe what you mean! I described one sided non-monogamy there. I've gotten 3 or 4 matches on there in a week. One woman 80 miles away really likes the idea that she could have affairs. She comes from a traditional culture and family, so she would be doing it all very discreetly. Unfortunately, I don't know if we'd be a good match otherwise. I really like her desire to have affairs and tell me about them. Here on hinge I was able to hide my non-monogamy label. So, those that search specifically by that can still find me, but others can't see it that just stumble across my profile.

Feeld- like a reddit personal add, or fetlife add on a group, I outright mention that I'm a bit of a cuckold, but don't fit all of the stereotypes. That works for me. In fact, on reddit, I mention something about cheating, or sometimes I say "seeking a woman that doesn't want to be monogamous herself in the future". Then on the add describe that I will be monogamous to her, bu she can have freedom.

Possible Dilemmas

It is true that some of these relationships might not feel as good, or last as long, or.... the cuckolding might not feel as powerful because the relationship wasn't based first on their regular interests alone. I don't think this is a definite outcome, but it will be the case for some relationships.

I do believe that some can last starting this way. In fact, those polyamorous relationships that often last the longest are those that started off that way from the beginning. Some swingers also have gotten together knowing they were both swingers, and they last very well too.

With cuckolding it's more complex because it is so hard to find a woman that knows she wants this while single, that we can overlook other compatibility issues.

Like I also mentioned already, it might not be as powerful, especially if the cucking is done too soon. A couple can choose to wait for cuckolding to happen if she doesn't already have good FWB's worth keeping busy.

Getting through my hard head.

I'm finally seeing that it's better not to mention one-sided open relationships either. Mention "monogamish" if you are sure you want a little freedom yourself, but that narrows your dating pool, but also is a good ideal to match up on.

I'm trying to take on the perspective that we should just say "kink friendly" or nothing at all related to our desires, on our profile ( Still mention it on Feeld, Reddit, and Fetlife ).

The one idea a woman friend told me later is to put on Okcupid, "if you've had trouble being faithful, I'm your guy". She always cheated in her past, and she tells me that would have caught her eye in the past.

A different guy told me to put, " I'm very loyal. I'm the type that probably wouldn't want to break up if you cheated, but instead work it out". It wouldn't work like majic, but those that have a sweet tooth for strange lovers, might want to look further into that.

So, it was 3 dates this past week, and all 3 knew about my proclivities. I'm aiming for 1 date a week minimum.

Great stuff, thanks for the update!

[TomG]

Great thread and plenty of advice I'll refer back to in my search for a hot GF or wife, BeNatural. I hope to see more from you concerning this topic. Oh, by the way, thanks for the links and especially the YouTube video you included - I'm now following that channel.