Hi Ourhotwives,
I’d like to get some advice on communication barriers. I’ve always been the one to bring new things to our (my and my hopefully hotgirlfriend’s) sex life. We’ve been lucky to try a few things over the years that really get her off… but getting her to really think about a hypothetical new sexy thing has always been rough. I know she reads plenty of smut (lol) but directly asking about things she wants to try is always met with “oh, I don’t know”. I’ve put together that more than one of her past partners have been rather insecure about her past and that shame is what I now need to overcome. It is a challenge in general and naturally especially so for hotwifing topics. I’m sure the roadblock looks different for other couples, like religion, and is no less unfortunate. So we are not a match for most of the “aspiring hotwife challenge” lists I’ve found – no pantyless trips to the grocery store are likely in our near future - and are looking for help at a lower level.
Anyway, we’ve found some comfortable space with some things:
-We did the mojoupgrade quiz and it was generally a positive. I think the (older? oldest?) version had better questions. It was a while ago, so it has fizzled out… and I don’t think the yes/no format was the best for generating real contemplation of what-does-this-look-like and does-this-turn-me-on. Are things like the Spicer app good to keep this going over a longer duration?
-The other is to think about how you frame things before asking questions. I don’t remember where I found this (probably here and please help me give credit if you know), though the point is “how long” and “when did you first” questions can be less loaded than “how many” questions. So, “how many dicks have you sucked” is reframed as “when did you first do that thing with your tongue”. Keeping things on a specific event lets you talk about something spicy she has done and also keeps the conversation from becoming OMG IF I SAY THE TRUTH HE WILL JUDGE ME.
So, I’m hoping you can recount how you’ve approached these kinds of topics to make them lighter, more fun, and flirty. Conversation topics, games, questions, perspectives and so on, no matter how small, are great. Or, if you’ve tried for years and something finally clicked, those stories help too.
Thanks!