I didn’t see any threads or posts about this, so apologies in advance if there’s another, better place to pose a question such as this …
At what point and how do couples broach the subject & choose to embark on this risqué lifestyle? Are there steps, or some usual process in wife (girlfriend) sharing? I mean, how and when does the subject come up? As the joke goes, you don’t just look up from your corn flakes one morning and tell your gal you’d love to see her sucking another man’s cock! (Or do you???)
In my case, I love encouraging my gf to wear sexy or revealing things; go braless or wear no panties. But in normal day-to-day life, this just isn’t practical ….. every summer we’ll spend a couple weekend days at our local nude beach and she’s more than comfortable with that. She says she just enjoys being naked in the sun and swimming nude in the ocean. She says I’m a voyeur (Guilty!) I call it “Window Shopping” …. but we always have great sex when we get back home!
My gf is not the one to look at a lot of porn or be in the know about such issues as the Stag/Vixen or Cuckold lifestyles; although she will sometimes suggest watching some porn to warm things up ….. there does not seem to be a particular genre she prefers. (I know she’s had many lovers in her past, before me and when we first met, including several black men. That is not a particular “thing” for me, either way, but it does turn me on that she seems to like it!)
However, several years into our relationship she made it very clear to me that she wanted me to shave my pubic area smooth. I don’t mean trimmed, I mean smooth. I found this to be a curious thing but was willing to oblige her. Strangely, I found that the idea and act of shaving myself for her was erotic and made me feel a bit submissive ….. thereafter, whenever we were going to be together (we’re in a long distance relationship), I would make sure I was smooth as I could be …. I would always act as if I was only doing it for her but here lately, she’ll say things like, “oh, you like it ….” which further turns me on!
If you’ve read my previous post you’ll see that we have recently reached a point where I’m she would take another lover, if she was certain that’s what I wanted. I have also come to the realization that I am not interested in being a “Cuckold”, as I have no interest in humiliation or all of that.
So, I guess what I’m looking for is some kind of FAQ’s or “To be one, ask one” thread …. what’s the Playbook look like? Is it better to have her try a hook-up on her own, and tell me about it after the fact? Should we seek out and find someone for her, together? Should it be a stranger, or someone we know? Should that person know that she’s playing with permission? Should she “date” this person first (a time or two)? What about kissing? Does that lead to a risk of “romance” ?
Any insights from any experienced couples or females would be greatly appreciated ….. thanks in advance!
Becoming a Stag/Cuck - A Process?
Re: Becoming a Stag/Cuck - A Process?
You're right that dropping a bomb on your girlfriend over breakfast is probably ill-advised.
In general I would suggest that the earlier in your relationship you begin to reveal your desires, the better. A well-timed joke here, a context-appropriate naughty suggestion there, then at some point ... have The Talk. Don't drop it all at once, but don't be ashamed, and don't hide it. As you both "open your kimonos", getting to know one another sexually, she should be able to learn that this is a part of you.
There's also no right or wrong way to do this. Your relationship is yours! Some rare wives/girlfriends are receptive straight away. Some *ahem* take 10 years (or more) to come around. And some never do, and we have to accept that possibility too. But it's true in life that if you don't ask, you don't get.
If had the time to type you a "how-to" manual here, a lot of what I wrote would probably be wrong for your relationship. This whole Wannabe forum (and those of us whose threads started as Wannabe threads) is good research material. Read as many as you can! Read the things that people suggest, and the things that people have tried, and consider whether those steps would work for you. If someone has thought of it or tried it, it's probably already here.
I don't remember the details of the previous post you reference, but it sounds like you're fairly far down the track already, at least in the sense that you think she'll be receptive. Online profiles where she can start chatting with real, interested men seems to be a jet-fuelled kick-start for some of our ladies.
But at some point, you have to start laying your cards on the table, honestly and openly, so that at some point, it won't be weird when you talk about it over breakfast.
In general I would suggest that the earlier in your relationship you begin to reveal your desires, the better. A well-timed joke here, a context-appropriate naughty suggestion there, then at some point ... have The Talk. Don't drop it all at once, but don't be ashamed, and don't hide it. As you both "open your kimonos", getting to know one another sexually, she should be able to learn that this is a part of you.
There's also no right or wrong way to do this. Your relationship is yours! Some rare wives/girlfriends are receptive straight away. Some *ahem* take 10 years (or more) to come around. And some never do, and we have to accept that possibility too. But it's true in life that if you don't ask, you don't get.
If had the time to type you a "how-to" manual here, a lot of what I wrote would probably be wrong for your relationship. This whole Wannabe forum (and those of us whose threads started as Wannabe threads) is good research material. Read as many as you can! Read the things that people suggest, and the things that people have tried, and consider whether those steps would work for you. If someone has thought of it or tried it, it's probably already here.
I don't remember the details of the previous post you reference, but it sounds like you're fairly far down the track already, at least in the sense that you think she'll be receptive. Online profiles where she can start chatting with real, interested men seems to be a jet-fuelled kick-start for some of our ladies.
But at some point, you have to start laying your cards on the table, honestly and openly, so that at some point, it won't be weird when you talk about it over breakfast.
Re: Becoming a Stag/Cuck - A Process?
Each couple is different, how they (or one of them) discover(s) they're into the idea is different.
There's no process, it's just however you choose to go about it as a couple.
The "typical" process seems to go:
1. The guy realises he wants his wife to fuck another guy
2. He sits on it for a few years, jerking off more and more to the idea but worrying about how she will react if he tells her
3. He lets slip mid-sex about how he wants to see her fucked by another guy
Depending on how she reacts, multiple paths are possible, some good, some not so good.
I give 1-to-1 mentoring, helping to discover what it is people actually want and how to go about it without anyone freaking out.
As you've described, you've both tried a lot of things that could be regarded as stepping stones, that's good, it's important to get to a place where you feel like you can openly and honestly talk about anything and understand each other.
Have a broader conversation (from reading your other post it sounds like you already have), find out about what she likes, maybe she has some fantasies she hasn't told you about.
Once the conversation has warmed up and got to a comfortable place where you're both comfortable revealing sensitive details, broach the subject of finding it hot to think about her with another man.
Gauge her reaction and assess whether to tell her more or whether to leave it there, let her process it and come back to it later.
You said you don't think you're a cuckold because you're not into humiliation.
Are you sure about that?
I get a lot of guys telling me that they're stag&vixen because they're not into humiliation/chastity/cleanup/etc.
A short conversation later, after I've pushed some of their "cuckold buttons", they realise that they've been looking at it the wrong way.
Those aren't the things that define you as cuckold or stag&vixen.
What you said in your post about her having you shave yourself and it making you feel a bit submissive suggests to me that you may be more cuckold but I would need to know more to be able to accurately say one way or the other or somewhere inbetween.
There's no process, it's just however you choose to go about it as a couple.
The "typical" process seems to go:
1. The guy realises he wants his wife to fuck another guy
2. He sits on it for a few years, jerking off more and more to the idea but worrying about how she will react if he tells her
3. He lets slip mid-sex about how he wants to see her fucked by another guy
Depending on how she reacts, multiple paths are possible, some good, some not so good.
I give 1-to-1 mentoring, helping to discover what it is people actually want and how to go about it without anyone freaking out.
As you've described, you've both tried a lot of things that could be regarded as stepping stones, that's good, it's important to get to a place where you feel like you can openly and honestly talk about anything and understand each other.
Have a broader conversation (from reading your other post it sounds like you already have), find out about what she likes, maybe she has some fantasies she hasn't told you about.
Once the conversation has warmed up and got to a comfortable place where you're both comfortable revealing sensitive details, broach the subject of finding it hot to think about her with another man.
Gauge her reaction and assess whether to tell her more or whether to leave it there, let her process it and come back to it later.
You said you don't think you're a cuckold because you're not into humiliation.
Are you sure about that?
I get a lot of guys telling me that they're stag&vixen because they're not into humiliation/chastity/cleanup/etc.
A short conversation later, after I've pushed some of their "cuckold buttons", they realise that they've been looking at it the wrong way.
Those aren't the things that define you as cuckold or stag&vixen.
What you said in your post about her having you shave yourself and it making you feel a bit submissive suggests to me that you may be more cuckold but I would need to know more to be able to accurately say one way or the other or somewhere inbetween.
Cuckolding Mentor & Bull
Re: Becoming a Stag/Cuck - A Process?
Your situation sounds similar to mine, Beachdays. My fiancee and I have been together for 7 years, and early on her exhibitionism became a very hot part of out relationship. For several years I have enjoyed the heck out of her wearing some very sexy and revealing outfits and teeny tiny bikinis in public. I made it very clear to her that I loved her getting lots of attention from other men and I loved showing her off. She enjoyed it as much as I did!
After a very hot few years of this I told her I wanted her to fuck other guys and that did not go over well AT ALL, at first. After maybe 5 or 6 months of things being fairly uncomfortable between us, she seemed to accept my fantasy and eventually started fantasizing about elements of it herself, to the point where for the last several months it seems more of a when than an if scenario.
So I'm still a wannabe, but I can say for certain that our relationship has made enormous progress toward making the fantasy a reality. My best advice for you is to be totally consistent in your encouragement of her exhibitionism and to remain so once you do reveal the true depths of your desires. Any and every time my girl has broached the subject, I have never wavered in assuring her that this is definitely something I want. So far it seems to be working.
After a very hot few years of this I told her I wanted her to fuck other guys and that did not go over well AT ALL, at first. After maybe 5 or 6 months of things being fairly uncomfortable between us, she seemed to accept my fantasy and eventually started fantasizing about elements of it herself, to the point where for the last several months it seems more of a when than an if scenario.
So I'm still a wannabe, but I can say for certain that our relationship has made enormous progress toward making the fantasy a reality. My best advice for you is to be totally consistent in your encouragement of her exhibitionism and to remain so once you do reveal the true depths of your desires. Any and every time my girl has broached the subject, I have never wavered in assuring her that this is definitely something I want. So far it seems to be working.
Re: Becoming a Stag/Cuck - A Process?
This has definitely been the case for me. As my screen name suggests, I considered myself firmly in the "stag" category when I first joined this site. I spent my whole adult life fantasizing about my significant other being with other guys, but until about 3 years ago I'd never shared this fantasy with any of my partners. Now that I have a partner who is willing to explore this with me I am able to consider aspects of it that I wasn't able to before. While I still don't truly want to be "humiliated" per se, I am totally turned on by many things I had not considered before.hubudig2 wrote: ↑Wed Dec 27, 2023 4:09 pmI get a lot of guys telling me that they're stag&vixen because they're not into humiliation/chastity/cleanup/etc.
A short conversation later, after I've pushed some of their "cuckold buttons", they realise that they've been looking at it the wrong way.
Those aren't the things that define you as cuckold or stag&vixen.
I would LOVE to lick her clit or asshole while she gets her pussy pounded by a big-dicked stud! I am also extremely turned on at the thought of eating another man's come from her mouth, pussy, or ass. We have talked about all of these possibilities many times, and she is very turned on by it as well. We have even discussed her being in a bukakke situation with a group of guys cumming all over her and me cleaning her up from head to toe. This is a HUGE turn on for both of us! We have also talked about the possibility of her getting her pussy and ass fucked simultaneously by big, fat cocks. Yeah, that's a good one!
Anyway, good luck to you, brother.
Re: Becoming a Stag/Cuck - A Process?
Thank you all very much for your thoughtful responses. It's very much appreciated, certainly food for thought.
Hubudig .... thank you for taking the time to read my introduction posts. At this point I am pretty confident with my interests but I agree this has been a bit of a journey for me .... I can reiterate that the idea of watching her get ready for a date, or waiting in the other room whilst she's getting fucked holds no appeal for me.
I think the best advice & course of action is to see what happens next. The most recent sex session we had was as close as we've gotten to opening the door .... with me telling her that I liked the fact that she was openly promiscuous when we first started dating and her reply that she "could start again ..."
We're getting together this weekend to celebrate the new year. Of course we'll be having sex and it'll be interesting to see if she "goes there" .....
Hubudig .... thank you for taking the time to read my introduction posts. At this point I am pretty confident with my interests but I agree this has been a bit of a journey for me .... I can reiterate that the idea of watching her get ready for a date, or waiting in the other room whilst she's getting fucked holds no appeal for me.
I think the best advice & course of action is to see what happens next. The most recent sex session we had was as close as we've gotten to opening the door .... with me telling her that I liked the fact that she was openly promiscuous when we first started dating and her reply that she "could start again ..."
We're getting together this weekend to celebrate the new year. Of course we'll be having sex and it'll be interesting to see if she "goes there" .....
Re: Becoming a Stag/Cuck - A Process?
Some great advice here.
The only thing I would add is in regard to your comment about cuckolds and humiliation. The two are not automatically attached to each other.
The humiliation is in your head, mainly. If you think that going down on your wife after she's just had sex with someone else, would be a sexy thing to do, and not humiliating.....then do it. You say you go to nudist beaches. There are some people who would find it very humiliating to strip off on a public beach.
So, no, cuckolding and humiliation are frequently talked about together. But they are not synonamous.
I hope you can make your desires come true. Good luck.
The only thing I would add is in regard to your comment about cuckolds and humiliation. The two are not automatically attached to each other.
The humiliation is in your head, mainly. If you think that going down on your wife after she's just had sex with someone else, would be a sexy thing to do, and not humiliating.....then do it. You say you go to nudist beaches. There are some people who would find it very humiliating to strip off on a public beach.
So, no, cuckolding and humiliation are frequently talked about together. But they are not synonamous.
I hope you can make your desires come true. Good luck.
Re: Becoming a Stag/Cuck - A Process?
It’s been a while so I thought I’d check in with an update … was enjoying a session of extended foreplay with my gf last night and I once again suggested the possibility of expanding our sex life to possibly include another man (or men) in various ways or scenarios …. she asked how and under what circumstances we could accomplish this ….. I told her I thought a good first go at it would be the Happy Ending massage scenario ….
I told her about Hedonism and other places in Jamaica which cater to couples in search of such activities. I painted the scene of a large, strong black man (we are white) who would understand that she was receptive to an erotic, no restrictions massage. She asked if I would be present, watching. I said, “No, I’d want you to be free and unencumbered in your physical response & reciprocity …. I told her that at some point during her massage her towel would disappear as would her masseur’s shorts …. I described his thick, long black cock, half erect and brushing against her skin …. his big balls swaying back and forth in the heat. She asked me if it would have a big, protruding mushroom head, the kind she loves. “Of course”, I said … “and leaking precum” ….
I told her it was only a matter of time (and completely natural) until she reached out for it, stroked it ….. took it in her mouth …. And she knows as well as I do that when she sucks cock, she gets VERY wet and horny. I told her that my being there would only serve as a deterrent to what we both wanted. I must admit I would love to watch the joy and pleasure she would experience as her slowly worked his big dick into her wet and eager pussy. But I told her that this was very her unbridled pleasure, surrendering to her lust without worrying about me. I did tell her it would be sublimely agonizing waiting for her to return to our room but that I would look forward to her return, waiting to hear all about it and gently licking her sore and well-used pussy.
I told her about the Stag Vixen lifestyle, how much I adore her and how she deserves this type of pleasure, from time to time. I reminded her about when we met and I knew she was fucking several different guys and how much that turned me on. I could see her thinking back and making the connection of those early lustful days. I told her that I love her in many ways but that I also love slutty-her ….. and I asked her if she really thought that it was practical that she would only ever have sex with me for the rest of her life. She asked me if her having sex with others was ok, if she told me about it. I said, “It’s not cheating if I know about it ….. “. We can try it and see …..
…… I no longer “think” she’s receptive; I fully expect that one night in bed she’s going to say “Well, It happened ….”
I told her about Hedonism and other places in Jamaica which cater to couples in search of such activities. I painted the scene of a large, strong black man (we are white) who would understand that she was receptive to an erotic, no restrictions massage. She asked if I would be present, watching. I said, “No, I’d want you to be free and unencumbered in your physical response & reciprocity …. I told her that at some point during her massage her towel would disappear as would her masseur’s shorts …. I described his thick, long black cock, half erect and brushing against her skin …. his big balls swaying back and forth in the heat. She asked me if it would have a big, protruding mushroom head, the kind she loves. “Of course”, I said … “and leaking precum” ….
I told her it was only a matter of time (and completely natural) until she reached out for it, stroked it ….. took it in her mouth …. And she knows as well as I do that when she sucks cock, she gets VERY wet and horny. I told her that my being there would only serve as a deterrent to what we both wanted. I must admit I would love to watch the joy and pleasure she would experience as her slowly worked his big dick into her wet and eager pussy. But I told her that this was very her unbridled pleasure, surrendering to her lust without worrying about me. I did tell her it would be sublimely agonizing waiting for her to return to our room but that I would look forward to her return, waiting to hear all about it and gently licking her sore and well-used pussy.
I told her about the Stag Vixen lifestyle, how much I adore her and how she deserves this type of pleasure, from time to time. I reminded her about when we met and I knew she was fucking several different guys and how much that turned me on. I could see her thinking back and making the connection of those early lustful days. I told her that I love her in many ways but that I also love slutty-her ….. and I asked her if she really thought that it was practical that she would only ever have sex with me for the rest of her life. She asked me if her having sex with others was ok, if she told me about it. I said, “It’s not cheating if I know about it ….. “. We can try it and see …..
…… I no longer “think” she’s receptive; I fully expect that one night in bed she’s going to say “Well, It happened ….”