Come clean

[RHotwife1981]

I’m coming clean tonight. I am tired of dilly dallying and pillow talk. I’m going to lay it all on the table

[tito123177]

You are very brave, good luck! Looking forward to know how it went.

[Bluetoed]

Good luck to you. Just remember, you have no control over her reaction. Accept it whatever it is. She could change her answer in the future, but you're not going to be able to change her answer for her.

[philxxo]

Good luck. Let us know how it goes!

[RHotwife1981]

Crash and burn mostly. She didn’t call me a creep like yesterday, but she did say that’s a road I will never go down

The veterans say be patient, the seed is planted

[tito123177]

Crash and burn mostly. She didn’t call me a creep like yesterday, but she did say that’s a road I will never go down

The veterans say be patient, the seed is planted

That's pretty common, I think almost all woman response in the sense of "no way, I would never do that", give it time, but also you should be aware that maybe it will never be a reality, who knows, just be patient, the good thing it's that you already told her your fantasy, that's a BIG step.

[MartasBoy]

I’m coming clean tonight. I am tired of dilly dallying and pillow talk. I’m going to lay it all on the table

I found that a really slow, gradual, incremental process is what moved us closer.

I started by sharing that I had fantasies of thinking about her with a "forbidden lover".

Then we shared celebrity crushes. She admitted to always having a crush on the image of a younger Cary Grant, from the old movies, and the current George Clooney.

Then I asked her to share with me, what her fantasy would be, about what she and George Clooney would do together. This one was pretty hard for her, and she was reluctant, and held back a lot. She had a hard time with the feelings of disloyalty to me, of admitting to fantasizing about being with a different man. It took a while, but she gradually became more comfortable sharing about it. I had to do lots of reassurance, that I wasn't hurt or offended. I had to share with her that I found it interesting. It also helped that I reciprocated, sharing about my celebrity crush on women like Selma Hayek.

We stuck with sharing these kinds of things for a long time. A next step was pointing out people in bars and restaurants that we both found attractive. She had trouble with that. It forced her to admit to fantasies that were too close to real for her. It ticked off all of her fears of being thought of as a disloyal or cheating wife. I had to do a lot of work to normalize it, and help alleviate her fears. Then I also had to deal with the questions of, "Wow, you really fantasize that much about other women besides me? Are you wanting to have an affair? Are you not happy with me?" It took a lot to work through those concerns.

It took a lot of work to help her past the notion that, any woman who would consider sleeping with another man, besides her husband, was a bad, disloyal wife. She also had strong fears that, despite whatever I said to the contrary, that it would end up hurting me. She had fears that I would say one thing, and then find out that I really couldn't handle it, in reality.

I had to do a lot of educating her, and assuring her, that the cuckold fantasy did not in any way involve me sleeping with someone else. She had a really hard time understanding how a man could want his wife to sleep with others, but not want to sleep with others himself. She had a real trouble with the imbalance of this, and the lack of it being reciprocal.

Then, when she became more comfortable talking about these things, we moved to a step in which I would ask her what she would envision doing, if she were to have an outside boyfriend.

A turning point for us, was when I was successful in getting her to try roleplay fantasies with me, in which she would tell me about an imaginary evening with a secret lover. I would ask her to tell me what she did with "him".

She became more and more comfortable making up a story of a fantastic night with an imaginary man. One night she was stroking my cock as she was telling me how big his cock was, how many times he brought her to orgasm, and how exciting it was. At one point she exclaimed in amazement, "Oh my god! I can feel you getting harder in my hand and throbbing as I tell you this stuff! I have never really understood how this could turn you on, until now. I actually feel you getting more turned on by it." She really couldn't believe it. It goes against everything that girls and young women are told about the fragile male ego, and the jealousy of men. It is so deeply ingrained in them, it takes a lot of effort to reverse it.

We did this for a while, and she was able to see it in a different light. She no longer saw it as fantasies of being disloyal to me, but playing bedroom games with me that fit with my quirky fantasies, and was actually providing some fun and enjoyment for me. She had to completely reframe her previous beliefs, to understand that teasing me, with the thought of another lover, was actually a form of giving me good sexual excitement.

Then we moved to adding a little more realism. I started asking her to pick out guys out in public, that she found attractive, and could imagine herself accepting a date with, if she were single. This was hard for her and took some getting used to. Then we would develop a description of the hottest prospects, and give them a name. Later, to satisfy my fantasy, I would talk about "Thomas", and what she would imagine they would be doing on their date. There was more surprise and amazement on her part, that these discussions turned me on.

Then there was a step of allowing guys to approach her at a bar, some flirting, accepting drinks etc. All of this took a long time to work up to. Good luck.

[BBCfan]

Crash and burn mostly. She didn’t call me a creep like yesterday, but she did say that’s a road I will never go down

The veterans say be patient, the seed is planted

Exactly!

My wife went from I'm crazy when I 1st mentioned it, and then after me pushing it a bit much, Said if I needed it to happen then we shouldn't be together and that will NEVER be something she's interested in.

Fast Forward 5 years and I let it go unless she brought it up, Last year she started considering and It became our favorite role play idea. Then she Reached out to the guy to flirt, And to potentially set something up for a few months from now.

I truly would not have believed it when I was at your stage. Still low probability it will even happen, but the progress is quite shocking once she began to be more aroused by the idea.

Be patient and let it sit unless it comes up from her would be my advice, but I'm sure you know that.

[BBCfan]

I’m coming clean tonight. I am tired of dilly dallying and pillow talk. I’m going to lay it all on the table

A turning point for us, was when I was successful in getting her to try roleplay fantasies with me, in which she would tell me about an imaginary evening with a secret lover. I would ask her to tell me what she did with "him".

She became more and more comfortable making up a story of a fantastic night with an imaginary man. One night she was stroking my cock as she was telling me how big his cock was, how many times he brought her to orgasm, and how exciting it was. At one point she exclaimed in amazement, "Oh my god! I can feel you getting harder in my hand and throbbing as I tell you this stuff! I have never really understood how this could turn you on, until now. I actually feel you getting more turned on by it." She really couldn't believe it. It goes against everything that girls and young women are told about the fragile male ego, and the jealousy of men. It is so deeply ingrained in them, it takes a lot of effort to reverse it.

This is a great point...This is very similar to my experience.
Once she saw my immense arousal from her fantasy talk she said it began to get her aroused to make me aroused and so she continued.

She still says she only fantasizes about it because she sees how exciting it is for me. I personally think we've moved beyond that, As her overall excitement seems to have increased greatly surrounded him.

I remind myself not to push though, and let it be her to bring it up and then run with it.

[BallSpanking]

Leave sleeping dogs lay for now ... Clarify only if she asks you, otherwise don't bring it up.
Clarification as to your motivations in this will help her get over her anger. Once she understands it is her experience that is enriched by this, she will come around. Usually it will take some explaining to get there. Be ready when the time comes.