Uncertain signals

[Her number1]

In fact, it bothers me that I'm "categorized" to be grouped with them. We aren't the same at all.

I’ll second that. While I like to hear my wife talk about her ex-lovers and we like to think about what it might be like for her to be with other guys, or for me to share her with a friend in a sizzling hot MFM, I hesitate to send her to this website or use the word “hotwife” (a word I like very much) with her because I don’t want her to get the idea that I want to be caged and humiliated and called a dickless cuck.

“No honey no! Go to the Stag/Vixen board!!”

Soooo, you're afraid of your wife learning new things and having a mind of her own?


New-to-this husbands pretty much all have these concerns. In time you grow, both you and your wife. As trust grows, the used-to-be concerns become no concern at all. Trust replaces that.
And, you'll find that the cuckold's wife isn't really doing anything to her husband, she is doing things for her husband, out of love and a desire to give him what he wants.
You read too much into what the husband says when he says "she made me". He has already convinced her that he wants and needs that "treatment".

Open communication with your wife will take care of her joining the site and reading things you don't want to try. You should want her to join so tbe two of you grow together.

Some times I think the stag (a one balled steer) forum should be renamed the snowflake forum.
Before y'all get butt hurt, that is a joke, but like any good joke, it has truth in it.

[ItsANiceDay]

So it’s my understanding (please correct me if I’m wrong) that you’ve definitely brought it up in the fantasy sense, but you’ve never actually told her outright in a serious manner this is something you’d like to try as a couple?

Not quite so. About four years ago we really began using the hot wife scenario in our bedroom talk, and we did have conversations outside the bedroom that we’d like to try something like it. She said she’d do it as a bucket list thing.

But my wife is not fond of talking about sex kinks. She likes having it, but talking about it is like pulling teeth to her.

After the second baby, our sex life took a radical dive in terms of frequency, and it was clear that there was little enough time for one another, let alone someone else. And so I simply stopped the hot wife dirty talk, because I felt it wasn’t going anywhere and I didn’t want to create an unrealistic hope or expectation of it ever happening.

Now we have both kids in school and our time is slightly loosening up. For the most part I’ve kept my silence on the matter, but she is bringing it up again, periodically, in this peculiar form of a dream where she’s kissing another man, feels a twang of guilt, and then realizes I’d be ok with it. Maybe that’s an invitation to bring it up in serious conversation, or maybe it’s just an invitation to role play it in the bedroom. And therein lies the uncertainly of the signals. We’re both still pretty strapped for time and energy, so I suppose that it is the later rather than the former.

I am still in the “hush hush” mode of just not talking about it. Mostly because I see a serious need to get our own sex life back on the road before exploring swinging or hotwifing or whatever it is we want to really do.

[Tryn]

In my opinion, I think you’re safe bringing it up during sexual moments IF it’s been relatively recently that she brought up a dream. Keep it mild to gauge interest but I believe she’s trying to open a door for you. Not necessarily for doing something in real life, but creating a space for it in the bedroom. Start by having her tell you about her dream while you go down on her and see what happens. If all goes well, ask her some questions while you’re going down on her, like would you have liked him to (fill in the blank) during your dream? Just keep it all dream related and timely to when she shares it with you and you’ll figure out the rest later. Also, make sure you’re telling her how hot you find her dreams!! Very important she hears from you support for her erotic dreams!!

[Bluetoed]

In fact, it bothers me that I'm "categorized" to be grouped with them. We aren't the same at all.

I’ll second that. While I like to hear my wife talk about her ex-lovers and we like to think about what it might be like for her to be with other guys, or for me to share her with a friend in a sizzling hot MFM, I hesitate to send her to this website or use the word “hotwife” (a word I like very much) with her because I don’t want her to get the idea that I want to be caged and humiliated and called a dickless cuck.

“No honey no! Go to the Stag/Vixen board!!”

Soooo, you're afraid of your wife learning new things and having a mind of her own?


New-to-this husbands pretty much all have these concerns. In time you grow, both you and your wife. As trust grows, the used-to-be concerns become no concern at all. Trust replaces that.
And, you'll find that the cuckold's wife isn't really doing anything to her husband, she is doing things for her husband, out of love and a desire to give him what he wants.
You read too much into what the husband says when he says "she made me". He has already convinced her that he wants and needs that "treatment".

Open communication with your wife will take care of her joining the site and reading things you don't want to try. You should want her to join so tbe two of you grow together.

Some times I think the stag (a one balled steer) forum should be renamed the snowflake forum.
Before y'all get butt hurt, that is a joke, but like any good joke, it has truth in it.

If the wife has already been convinced to do what the husband wants and needs, and the husband doesn't want nor need the stuff in the other forums, then what's the point of the wife reading the stuff in the other forums?

[Her number1]

If the wife has already been convinced to do what the husband wants and needs, and the husband doesn't want nor need the stuff in the other forums, then what's the point of the wife reading the stuff in the other forums?

Are you afraid to learn, or to let her learn? That seems to be the crux. One can't truly know what they might like until they are exposed to it or learn some about it, but too many cover their eyes and stop up their ears.
Much like the husband who is too afraid to tell his wife about wanting a hotwife, or the wife who refuses to hear him when he does.
Fear and misunderstanding drive these things. Trust and openness are the cure.

You may have never changed your mind or grown to like something that you once hated......maybe.

[Bluetoed]

If the wife has already been convinced to do what the husband wants and needs, and the husband doesn't want nor need the stuff in the other forums, then what's the point of the wife reading the stuff in the other forums?

Are you afraid to learn, or to let her learn? That seems to be the crux. One can't truly know what they might like until they are exposed to it or learn some about it, but too many cover their eyes and stop up their ears.
Much like the husband who is too afraid to tell his wife about wanting a hotwife, or the wife who refuses to hear him when he does.
Fear and misunderstanding drive these things. Trust and openness are the cure.

You may have never changed your mind or grown to like something that you once hated......maybe.

The fact that I've read those other forums shows I am not afraid to learn. In fact, I read them to learn. I wanted to learn what I like and what I don't like. I've learned from reading those other forums that those things not only don't turn me on, they turn me off.

As for letting her learn, she doesn't need my permission. If she wants to read them, she will. And yes my wife knows I participate here. She also has been told by me that the things in those other forums turn me off. While this fetish of mine was my dirty little secret for years, our communication about this over the last 3 months has been outstanding. I came home from my business trip last night and found a new chair in our bedroom. When I asked her what it was for, she just looked at me all sexy. I said "is that for me to watch you masturbate with your new toys?" She said yes, and gave me a deep long french kiss.

My wife knows that what turns me on is watching her. My arousal comes from voyeurism and compersion. No disrespect to those who get turned on by humiliation, but again not only does humiliation not turn me on, it turns me off. She knows humiliation turns me off. If she wants to read those forums, more power to her, but she knows that stuff would turn me off if she did them to me.

The idea that all guys that get turned on by their wife having sex with another man are all wired the same, and as such it's just inevitable that they will eventually like all aspects of extreme cuckolding is ignorant. Again, I have all respect for those that are wired to get aroused by humiliation, but it is a pretty unique fetish that most people do not have..

[Her number1]

Thanks, Bluetoed. It seems we agree!
I nor my wife want anything to do with humiliation. I have read some of your comments about your wife and she sounds amazing. Hope you two continue to grow in this and are able to avoid the potholes we hit early in our journey.

[Bluetoed]

Thanks, Bluetoed. It seems we agree!
I nor my wife want anything to do with humiliation. I have read some of your comments about your wife and she sounds amazing. Hope you two continue to grow in this and are able to avoid the potholes we hit early in our journey.

Thanks. Yes, my wife is amazing. She's pretty committed to the "never gonna happen", and given she is a very committed conservative evangelical christian, I have very little hope that is going to ever change.

But wow! Has she taken my fantasy and run with it as if it is her own! I am kicking myself for thinking I needed to hide it from her for years!

[Farmgirl]

Thanks, Bluetoed. It seems we agree!
I nor my wife want anything to do with humiliation. I have read some of your comments about your wife and she sounds amazing. Hope you two continue to grow in this and are able to avoid the potholes we hit early in our journey.

Thanks. Yes, my wife is amazing. She's pretty committed to the "never gonna happen", and given she is a very committed conservative evangelical christian, I have very little hope that is going to ever change.

But wow! Has she taken my fantasy and run with it as if it is her own! I am kicking myself for thinking I needed to hide it from her for years!

She could surprise you yet .

[harmankard]

In my opinion, I think you’re safe bringing it up during sexual moments IF it’s been relatively recently that she brought up a dream. Keep it mild to gauge interest but I believe she’s trying to open a door for you. Not necessarily for doing something in real life, but creating a space for it in the bedroom. Start by having her tell you about her dream while you go down on her and see what happens. If all goes well, ask her some questions while you’re going down on her, like would you have liked him to (fill in the blank) during your dream? Just keep it all dream related and timely to when she shares it with you and you’ll figure out the rest later. Also, make sure you’re telling her how hot you find her dreams!! Very important she hears from you support for her erotic dreams!!

What this guy said…

[TheRealMrs]

Just throwing in my two cents, from a female perspective.

Some of the things I heard sound really familiar. You mentioned that you have young kiddos. Those years are TOUGH and take a big toll on marriage, sex and intimacy, and the way women (maybe not all, just speaking for myself) view themselves. In those stressful years, we lose the ability to see ourselves as “sexual beings”. We still enjoy sex, but it’s hard to live in that outside the bedroom. We see ourselves as an embodiment of virtue…wholesome, nurturing, and reliable. It’s hard switch from sex kitten to Mother Teresa and back. To my husband, this read as sending mixed messages.

It took me a long many years (I’m stubborn) to understand that I can be a great mom, and a great wife, and a great professional, and whatever else I needed to be, and simultaneously lean into my sexuality (in appropriate context, of course).

Have all the fun you can in the bedroom. But, be patient with her if it’s hard to make that jump. If this is something you are really interested in, go ahead and bring it up in the bedroom. Encourage her to do her own research (show her this forum). Plant the seed. Openly discuss the things about it that appeal to you and the parts that don’t. Conversely, be open and listen without judgment or defensiveness.

It will get better, I promise!

[ItsANiceDay]

Have all the fun you can in the bedroom. But, be patient with her if it’s hard to make that jump. If this is something you are really interested in, go ahead and bring it up in the bedroom. Encourage her to do her own research (show her this forum). Plant the seed. Openly discuss the things about it that appeal to you and the parts that don’t. Conversely, be open and listen without judgment or defensiveness.

It will get better, I promise!

Thanks, it is certainly good to hear a woman’s perspective on this. My sense is, given she is approaching me with these dreams if hers, that the seed is taking root, and I really need to tend the garden, so to speak. It’s still a little fragile, because as I mentioned she is reluctant to talk about sex outside the bedroom. And if this kind of “lifestyle” or whatever it is can only work in a relationship with a lot of very open and frank conversation about it, then I think it needs much tending and might not really ever bear fruit. And being perfectly alright with that outcome is in some ways something to be mastered.

[Small]

It's definitely "a tell" if she is talking about those dreams more than once. I am pretty sure it's her testing you and so I suggest you run with the idea and use it for a roleplay where you act as him and start kissing her various places and ask how she would feel about that and take it from there. If she plays along, as I expect she will, she will probably start talking even more about it and soon enough I am certain you will have a more serious discussion. It always seems to work best if it's the wife leading on as in the end it should be her desire to do it that makes it interesting for both of you, at least that's how I see it.