Introduction

[CuriousCpl2]

Hey everyone,

Recently signed up for the website and are wannabees. Short story is that we are a mid 30s professional couple and because of circumstance I have severe ED and we've been trying to find a solution. Ideally a long term 3rd would be the goal, but we also know we're at the beginning of this journey and things may certainly change. Are there others in this situation? I'm sure we're not the only people in this situation to explore this as an option. It's not something easily talked about with friends and family though lol.

[Shiphead]

CC2,
Welcome to you. There are many people on here in every kind of situations. Usually there are many who would be answering your questions but many are spending family time today. Tough to talk lifestyle when the kids are all over for dinner.
I have read about a number of people in situations similar to yours. If you do a search on ED it would most likely bring up some posts. Also, if your wife gets verified for the women's group, there are women with a lot of experience to help answer your questions.
Welcome to the group.

[Small]

I can relate to this as I was in a similar situation 15-20 years ago with my gf back then. We never did the hotwife thing though, although it was briefly discussed.

I understand the reasoning for going this way; however, I feel that if she wants a "steady" bull/lover there is a higher risk than normal that she will fall in love with him and leave you since he can do things to her that you can't (more so than in the regular hotwife/cuckold scenarios). Your marriage needs to be rock solid for that not to happen. I don't know if your wife are turned on by more casual lovers but that would be a safer way to maintain your marriage, I would think, unless, as I said, you are 100% commited to each other and there is no risk of falling out of love with each other. Only you know that.

[CuriousCpl2]

Thank you for the replies Ship & Small. We are in a rock solid marriage, but I absolutely get your advice and appreciate it.

[TheRealMrs]

I can relate to this as I was in a similar situation 15-20 years ago with my gf back then. We never did the hotwife thing though, although it was briefly discussed.

I understand the reasoning for going this way; however, I feel that if she wants a "steady" bull/lover there is a higher risk than normal that she will fall in love with him and leave you since he can do things to her that you can't (more so than in the regular hotwife/cuckold scenarios). Your marriage needs to be rock solid for that not to happen. I don't know if your wife are turned on by more casual lovers but that would be a safer way to maintain your marriage, I would think, unless, as I said, you are 100% commited to each other and there is no risk of falling out of love with each other. Only you know that.

That’s a valid concern. Any time you are introducing a third party, things get risky. But, I think it all could depend on the way it’s executed. Would there be a lot of interaction between dates - calls, texting, flirting? Or would interactions be limited to meet-ups/dates? What are your wife’s thoughts about separating sex and love? Does she need a “connection” to have sex with another man? What are the plans for your involvement in dates? Would you be accompanying her as a spectator? Do you expect her to re-tell the story once you are home - videos, pics, etc? Do you want to reclaim after dates - how soon and what do you want to do together to reconnect? And do you both agree on all points? Talk about everything. Make your desires and expectations clear (both of you). You can’t predict everything, but having a plan for situations before they arise can mitigate a lot of conflict.

I think it can be done successfully - there is evidence of that all over this forum. But communication is mandatory.

[CuriousCpl2]

I can relate to this as I was in a similar situation 15-20 years ago with my gf back then. We never did the hotwife thing though, although it was briefly discussed.

I understand the reasoning for going this way; however, I feel that if she wants a "steady" bull/lover there is a higher risk than normal that she will fall in love with him and leave you since he can do things to her that you can't (more so than in the regular hotwife/cuckold scenarios). Your marriage needs to be rock solid for that not to happen. I don't know if your wife are turned on by more casual lovers but that would be a safer way to maintain your marriage, I would think, unless, as I said, you are 100% commited to each other and there is no risk of falling out of love with each other. Only you know that.

That’s a valid concern. Any time you are introducing a third party, things get risky. But, I think it all could depend on the way it’s executed. Would there be a lot of interaction between dates - calls, texting, flirting? Or would interactions be limited to meet-ups/dates? What are your wife’s thoughts about separating sex and love? Does she need a “connection” to have sex with another man? What are the plans for your involvement in dates? Would you be accompanying her as a spectator? Do you expect her to re-tell the story once you are home - videos, pics, etc? Do you want to reclaim after dates - how soon and what do you want to do together to reconnect? And do you both agree on all points? Talk about everything. Make your desires and expectations clear (both of you). You can’t predict everything, but having a plan for situations before they arise can mitigate a lot of conflict.

I think it can be done successfully - there is evidence of that all over this forum. But communication is mandatory.

Think that's really good advice TheRealMrs. Communication is so important with this that doing so without proper communication is inviting disaster.

[Kentuckyblue]

For us it's about the sex and not relationships with others. While she has had regulars which has its benefits our preference now is more casual one night stand kind of things. if your focus is her being able to have sex since you have ED issues then take the potential risk of someone catching feelings and go more casual one time situations. Another is to try and find someone that doesn't live near you but maybe comes into the area now and then for work or vacation etc.

[philxxo]

Really great advice for all on this thread! Definitely let us know how things eventually work out.

[CuriousCpl2]

Thanks Kentucky & Phil!

[athlete915]

For starters, I am sorry to hear about your ED issues. I am sure that has been tough on you and impacted your relationship. Hopefully, there’s still a chance that you can cure it. If not, at least you two are exploring solutions that don’t involve her having to cheat, suffer through denial, or end the marriage. It will be a significant change, but hopefully, you two will find a solution that addresses the issue happily and healthily.

My general guidance for wannabe couples is to begin by exploring the options and then figuring out what works best for the two of you. Keep in mind that what works for others may not work for the two of you. Don’t feel compelled to try anything that doesn’t feel “right” for both of you.

I could provide you with a laundry list of topics to discuss, but here are a couple of big ones:

- What traits and attributes are you two looking for in a partner? That can range from physical attributes to previous experiences with couples to personality type.

- What would be your involvement? Would you watch, join (ED permitting), or would they play alone? Would that change with time (e.g., alone at first and then eventually you would watch)?

- How often would she like to be able to see her partner? Would it be purely sexual, or would they have a relationship outside of the bedroom? Where would they meet?

- What are your red lines (i.e., things you absolutely do not want)?

I recommend contemplating those questions individually and then come together to compare notes. Focus on areas where your interests/opinions overlap, and be extremely careful where they don’t, especially with red lines. Neither of you should ever feel pressured into doing something you don’t want to.

You did mention long-term already. That’s definitely been my preference with couples. One-night stands and short-term flings are fun because they’re new, but a long-term relationship allows you to build trust and comfort, enabling you to explore so much more. The sex and relationship only get better with time.

I think you two have a good way forward to dealing with your ED issue. I’m happy to discuss things further and answer any questions that you may have. Good luck and play safe.