The conversation a little far back she stated a couple objections. She was concerned about STDs. You think that can be overcome. The other thing was it's a sin. I may have missed an opportunity cuz then she said do you want to sin.
Anybody able to get past this with your wife? And if so how did you convince her. Obviously she's thought about it.
Talk out of bedroom.
Re: Talk out of bedroom.
People can be tested for STD's and get a report back to prove they are clean. Secondly, you can use condoms. Many couples do.
Where does it say sex is a sin. Biblically, men had many women at a time in the old testament. Jesus enjoyed being with women. Some say he had a relationship with Mary Magdalen. There are more things in the Bible that talk about sex.
What sin does she refer to? It's not cheating on your mate.
Sex should be fun and enjoyed. It's a free amusement park ride.
Where does it say sex is a sin. Biblically, men had many women at a time in the old testament. Jesus enjoyed being with women. Some say he had a relationship with Mary Magdalen. There are more things in the Bible that talk about sex.
What sin does she refer to? It's not cheating on your mate.
Sex should be fun and enjoyed. It's a free amusement park ride.
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bbarnsworth
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- Joined: Wed Mar 27, 2024 4:18 pm
Re: Talk out of bedroom.
STDs are a possibility. They are also a possibility in regular dating too. Did she ever ask for an STD test report from anyone she had sex with? As noted above, she can ask for an STD report and expect to get it if the guy wants to have sex with her. It's not hard.
As to sin; this is a personal journey, and each person has their own understanding of God. There's no way to "convince" her. It can be explored together. It's not by any means ironclad that this is a sin.
There have been religious sects that have taken "love thy neighbor as you love yourself" to include having sex with others. Obviously this is not mainstream, but it shows there are other perspectives.
Another way of looking at it; if it's a sin, where's the harm? If she enjoys having sex with another man, if you enjoy her having sex with another man, if the other man enjoys it and is not cheating on someone...then where is the harm? Who is being harmed by it? Is sin a sin when there is no harm?
Another element; you take vows of monogamy with your spouse. But, if you both agree to change the vows, you're not breaking them. This is not cheating. Cheating destroys trust and undermines relationships. This isn't that and doesn't do that.
As to sin; this is a personal journey, and each person has their own understanding of God. There's no way to "convince" her. It can be explored together. It's not by any means ironclad that this is a sin.
There have been religious sects that have taken "love thy neighbor as you love yourself" to include having sex with others. Obviously this is not mainstream, but it shows there are other perspectives.
Another way of looking at it; if it's a sin, where's the harm? If she enjoys having sex with another man, if you enjoy her having sex with another man, if the other man enjoys it and is not cheating on someone...then where is the harm? Who is being harmed by it? Is sin a sin when there is no harm?
Another element; you take vows of monogamy with your spouse. But, if you both agree to change the vows, you're not breaking them. This is not cheating. Cheating destroys trust and undermines relationships. This isn't that and doesn't do that.
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Pufferfish
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- Location: Pacific Northwest
Re: Talk out of bedroom.
STD's are pretty much a concern for everyone. Research and communication are really the only way through that. Testing can be required from partners. Protection can be mandatory. Most all can be cured our outright prevented with vaccines. Sometimes (I believe) the wife is just looking for assurances that no matter what you're in this together and will go through the good and the bad together if necessary. Ultimately, it's always a thought, but not something that offered a lot of resistance once we started talking through everything.
Sin, was never a concern for us. It can be an impossible obstacle. Or it can be a minor speed bump. Depends on the believer I guess. I grew up in a very religious household, and I know my mother and sister have a very weird relationship with God when it comes to views on sex. And honestly I still don't understand it at all. Ultimately "Sin" is just "Guilt". It's more of a concern of how she would view herself afterwards. I think the fear of "god seeing her" is really just fear of other people finding out and judging her. It's a self image and self esteem issue I think. But everyone is different in their beliefs.
Sin, was never a concern for us. It can be an impossible obstacle. Or it can be a minor speed bump. Depends on the believer I guess. I grew up in a very religious household, and I know my mother and sister have a very weird relationship with God when it comes to views on sex. And honestly I still don't understand it at all. Ultimately "Sin" is just "Guilt". It's more of a concern of how she would view herself afterwards. I think the fear of "god seeing her" is really just fear of other people finding out and judging her. It's a self image and self esteem issue I think. But everyone is different in their beliefs.
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Our story: viewtopic.php?f=5&t=62359#p1198704
Her pics: viewtopic.php?f=9&t=63848#p1229721
Our story: viewtopic.php?f=5&t=62359#p1198704
Her pics: viewtopic.php?f=9&t=63848#p1229721
Re: Talk out of bedroom.
As both posts above mention, STD's are not an issue. As for sin, can you ask her what sin she is refering to and where it is documented or recorded? Both Pufferfish and bbarnsworth gave some excellent advice about sin conversation. You don't have to overcome her objections right away. Just talk with her and see what she is referring to about sin. Then you can do some research or ask more questions here and keep talking and make baby steps about sin. STD's save for last because that's an easy one.