Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

[Farmgirl]

Dear VHWs, do you find yourselves being more confident in the other parts of your life ( beyond sex , though that’s huge ) since becoming Hotwives? Can you give one or two examples if that’s the case? Thanks in advance for your usual well-considered answers.

I am very confident in all aspects of my life, and I became more confident with becoming a Hotwife. Examples are hard to put into words without being boastful.
One thing, I don't feel the need for the approval of other women or men, I am my own self.

[Farmgirl]

This question is for Farmgirl and 2inUP.
You both mentioned reconciling your lifestyle with your religion: viewtopic.php?f=5&t=32970&start=1700#p1163267

My wife is struggling with tat aspect as well.
1. Is there any advice you could offer to help her get mast that hurdle?
2. One of her fears is being "found out". 1. How do you handle that possibility?

Some of the things that helped me were understanding the original meaning of words in Scripture, and the context in which they were said. If you are talking about Christian religion and the Bible, context is everything. One thing that really helps is understanding words in the original Hebrew and Greek, and how they can differ from translation to English, and how 15th century English differs from our usage today.
Paul's "law of conscience" gives a good view of what is allowed when one's conscience is at peace and no harm is coming to others. That is one of those "hidden" laws in that it is rarely talked about by most clergy, but yet it is in Scripture.

I don't have a fear of being found out. I use common sense to not be obvious, but if someone found out, my life goes on. People who love me and think well of me will still do so, those that don't like me will talk about me, but they do so already. So, what has changed?

[Farmgirl]

Dear VHWs, is there a non-sexual thing that your husband does for you that simply makes your day? My wife is on her feet all day long, so when I rub my wife’s feet with hot oil first thing in the morning before she gets out of bed, she is so much happier than when I didn’t. I swear she grows 2 inches taller.

Any pointers are very much appreciated.

PS. Even though I’m a Wannabe I only got really into giving my wife regular,great foot rubs since I broached the hotwife LS with her, and she didn’t shoot it down. There seems to be a connection between Hotwifing ( or the dream of it ) and a wish to serve her and make her happy

long4her,
A woman's feet are a sexual thing . I know well the sexual power of a woman's feet.

Non-sexual service is one of the things that I love, that I appreciate. Even non-sexual service though has a sexual component to it, it makes me want sex .
It's as simple as doing more than your share of the daily chores, it frees her up to have time and energy for sex, for her mind to desire sex.

[Farmgirl]

Dear VHW… thx in advance for your insights…

Who enjoys making the final invite to play the most? You or your husband?

If the setting is a vanilla but nice bar, meet a good prospect and it evolves beyond innuendo / flirtation, who decides? How do you align with hubby? Who makes the invite? Or do you wait for the suitor to suggest?

Have any signals?

I make the decision when, where, and with whom to play. I am a Hotwife with a loving supportive husband, so there is no need to "align".
I don't do bar rats and one-off pickups. If I were at a pub with my Number1 and saw a guy that looked interesting, I would initiate eye contact and see if he's interested. I can then give him my number and see how it goes once we get to know each other over time. I meet men organically while out and about where ever I go, but they have to get to know me for me to be interested. Turn my mind on, or it doesn't work.

[Wolphey]

This question is for Farmgirl and 2inUP.
You both mentioned reconciling your lifestyle with your religion: viewtopic.php?f=5&t=32970&start=1700#p1163267

My wife is struggling with tat aspect as well.
1. Is there any advice you could offer to help her get mast that hurdle?
2. One of her fears is being "found out". 1. How do you handle that possibility?

Some of the things that helped me were understanding the original meaning of words in Scripture, and the context in which they were said. If you are talking about Christian religion and the Bible, context is everything. One thing that really helps is understanding words in the original Hebrew and Greek, and how they can differ from translation to English, and how 15th century English differs from our usage today.
Paul's "law of conscience" gives a good view of what is allowed when one's conscience is at peace and no harm is coming to others. That is one of those "hidden" laws in that it is rarely talked about by most clergy, but yet it is in Scripture.

I don't have a fear of being found out. I use common sense to not be obvious, but if someone found out, my life goes on. People who love me and think well of me will still do so, those that don't like me will talk about me, but they do so already. So, what has changed?

Thank you, ill look over Paul's hidden law.

[long4her]

Dear VHWs, what is one piece of advice you’d give to a young man ( or maybe any man ) about women? What comes to mind is something Farmgirl said about women’s feet being sexual - that I know at this old age to be true but didn’t at 20,30,40. If had truly known that as a young man I could have treated my wife so much better, and had so much more great sex with her.

[Mrs L 88]

Dear VHWs, what is one piece of advice you’d give to a young man ( or maybe any man ) about women? What comes to mind is something Farmgirl said about women’s feet being sexual - that I know at this old age to be true but didn’t at 20,30,40. If had truly known that as a young man I could have treated my wife so much better, and had so much more great sex with her.

It all depends on the woman and conversation would be my advice.

Find out about her. Her likes and dislikes. What turns her on and off.

Every single person is unique it's not a case of one size fits all. One woman might love a foot rub when they come home from work and another might find it unbearable. All depends on her

[long4her]

Dear VHWs, what is one piece of advice you’d give to a young man ( or maybe any man ) about women? What comes to mind is something Farmgirl said about women’s feet being sexual - that I know at this old age to be true but didn’t at 20,30,40. If had truly known that as a young man I could have treated my wife so much better, and had so much more great sex with her.

It all depends on the woman and conversation would be my advice.

Find out about her. Her likes and dislikes. What turns her on and off.

Every single person is unique it's not a case of one size fits all. One woman might love a foot rub when they come home from work and another might find it unbearable. All depends on her

That’s a good point Mrs L 88. All I know is that if I could have a talk with young Me I’d give him some pointers on such things. And to load up on Google stocks.

Is there anything in your particular case that you wish guys had known?

[Mrs L 88]

Dear VHWs, what is one piece of advice you’d give to a young man ( or maybe any man ) about women? What comes to mind is something Farmgirl said about women’s feet being sexual - that I know at this old age to be true but didn’t at 20,30,40. If had truly known that as a young man I could have treated my wife so much better, and had so much more great sex with her.

It all depends on the woman and conversation would be my advice.

Find out about her. Her likes and dislikes. What turns her on and off.

Every single person is unique it's not a case of one size fits all. One woman might love a foot rub when they come home from work and another might find it unbearable. All depends on her

That’s a good point Mrs L 88. All I know is that if I could have a talk with young Me I’d give him some pointers on such things. And to load up on Google stocks.

Is there anything in your particular case that you wish guys had known?

In my case I wish guys (before S88) had known how to be honest.

For example, S88 and myself have great communication whether it be sexual fantasies, pet peeves or little niggles about the other.

In a previous relationship these things went left un-checked and the little things built up until they became bigger and then everything imploded and exploded ultimately resulting in the termination of the relationship.

I know sometimes communication can take years to build upon but from that relationship even the smallest foundation of communication wasn't there and if we had both been honest in the start things could have ended more amicably.

Of course this is just my opinion and previous experiences. Hope it helps

[Adabel]

Dear VHWs, what is one piece of advice you’d give to a young man ( or maybe any man ) about women? What comes to mind is something Farmgirl said about women’s feet being sexual - that I know at this old age to be true but didn’t at 20,30,40. If had truly known that as a young man I could have treated my wife so much better, and had so much more great sex with her.

Never stop trying to "win" her. After a couple years some couples loose that playfulness they had while dating, don't let that fade. Yes kids and life happens but always find time for each other. Even if that little time is while she/he is cooking or cleaning. Go up behind them kiss their neck, slap their ass make them feel wanted and loved. They're walking by the bed, push them onto it and just hold each other or tickle each other. I know this helps me feel wanted, loved, and sexy. When we feel this way (at least for me) I want more sex. Sometimes our holding/tickle 1 to 2 minutes turns into a 15 -20quickie🥰. After of course we put a show on for the kids so we won't be interrupted.

[Michaels30309]

Dear VHW… thx in advance for your insights…

Who enjoys making the final invite to play the most? You or your husband?

If the setting is a vanilla but nice bar, meet a good prospect and it evolves beyond innuendo / flirtation, who decides? How do you align with hubby? Who makes the invite? Or do you wait for the suitor to suggest?

Have any signals?

I make the decision when, where, and with whom to play. I am a Hotwife with a loving supportive husband, so there is no need to "align".
I don't do bar rats and one-off pickups. If I were at a pub with my Number1 and saw a guy that looked interesting, I would initiate eye contact and see if he's interested. I can then give him my number and see how it goes once we get to know each other over time. I meet men organically while out and about where ever I go, but they have to get to know me for me to be interested. Turn my mind on, or it doesn't work.

Concur completely on the “turn my mind on”… dimwits across the genders are just that… no lights on between ears makes for no fun. The chemistry : click of sparring wits is my favorite.

Does the eye contact work “every time”. I always try to find the balance of respectful and not trying to infer / overstep when meeting a ring-bearing wife or cpl. Testing waters / pushing those boundaries is also that sparring enjoyment.

How has the reaction been most often when you give your number? Do you await him to ask for it or?

[Farmgirl]

This question is for Farmgirl and 2inUP.
You both mentioned reconciling your lifestyle with your religion: viewtopic.php?f=5&t=32970&start=1700#p1163267

My wife is struggling with tat aspect as well.
1. Is there any advice you could offer to help her get mast that hurdle?
2. One of her fears is being "found out". 1. How do you handle that possibility?

Some of the things that helped me were understanding the original meaning of words in Scripture, and the context in which they were said. If you are talking about Christian religion and the Bible, context is everything. One thing that really helps is understanding words in the original Hebrew and Greek, and how they can differ from translation to English, and how 15th century English differs from our usage today.
Paul's "law of conscience" gives a good view of what is allowed when one's conscience is at peace and no harm is coming to others. That is one of those "hidden" laws in that it is rarely talked about by most clergy, but yet it is in Scripture.

I don't have a fear of being found out. I use common sense to not be obvious, but if someone found out, my life goes on. People who love me and think well of me will still do so, those that don't like me will talk about me, but they do so already. So, what has changed?

Thank you, ill look over Paul's hidden law.

Not that it's really hidden, it's in plain sight . Just not covered or studied very often; it would free too many people of what they are taught to be sins.

[Farmgirl]

Dear VHW… thx in advance for your insights…

Who enjoys making the final invite to play the most? You or your husband?

If the setting is a vanilla but nice bar, meet a good prospect and it evolves beyond innuendo / flirtation, who decides? How do you align with hubby? Who makes the invite? Or do you wait for the suitor to suggest?

Have any signals?

I make the decision when, where, and with whom to play. I am a Hotwife with a loving supportive husband, so there is no need to "align".
I don't do bar rats and one-off pickups. If I were at a pub with my Number1 and saw a guy that looked interesting, I would initiate eye contact and see if he's interested. I can then give him my number and see how it goes once we get to know each other over time. I meet men organically while out and about where ever I go, but they have to get to know me for me to be interested. Turn my mind on, or it doesn't work.

Concur completely on the “turn my mind on”… dimwits across the genders are just that… no lights on between ears makes for no fun. The chemistry : click of sparring wits is my favorite.

Does the eye contact work “every time”. I always try to find the balance of respectful and not trying to infer / overstep when meeting a ring-bearing wife or cpl. Testing waters / pushing those boundaries is also that sparring enjoyment.

How has the reaction been most often when you give your number? Do you await him to ask for it or?

Eye contact does not work every time, men are often too clueless, too nervous, and or too scared to respond. If a woman makes eye contact, smiles, and then holds eye contact, she has an interest. It's then up to the man to see how much interest, he has to show interest.

So, you have some boundaries you need tested or pushed?

I don't mind at all for a man to ask for my number, I'm also not beyond giving a man my number and telling him to call me. Now, this is not with random strangers, it is with a man I've already flirted with enough to know I'm interested.

[cleenwheels69]

My wife is aware of my fantasy but has been steadfast in her response which is that she is only interested in me as a lover. I keep mentioning my inadequacy and she has admitted i don't satisfy her. She knows I wear panties and I am shaved waist down too.

Last time we had sex she asked if I would put in my plug so I could feel like I was getting fucked while fucking her. Way out of character for her...any thoughts on this development?

[Michaels30309]

Dear VHW… thx in advance for your insights…

Who enjoys making the final invite to play the most? You or your husband?

If the setting is a vanilla but nice bar, meet a good prospect and it evolves beyond innuendo / flirtation, who decides? How do you align with hubby? Who makes the invite? Or do you wait for the suitor to suggest?

Have any signals?

I make the decision when, where, and with whom to play. I am a Hotwife with a loving supportive husband, so there is no need to "align".
I don't do bar rats and one-off pickups. If I were at a pub with my Number1 and saw a guy that looked interesting, I would initiate eye contact and see if he's interested. I can then give him my number and see how it goes once we get to know each other over time. I meet men organically while out and about where ever I go, but they have to get to know me for me to be interested. Turn my mind on, or it doesn't work.

Concur completely on the “turn my mind on”… dimwits across the genders are just that… no lights on between ears makes for no fun. The chemistry : click of sparring wits is my favorite.

Does the eye contact work “every time”. I always try to find the balance of respectful and not trying to infer / overstep when meeting a ring-bearing wife or cpl. Testing waters / pushing those boundaries is also that sparring enjoyment.

How has the reaction been most often when you give your number? Do you await him to ask for it or?

Eye contact does not work every time, men are often too clueless, too nervous, and or too scared to respond. If a woman makes eye contact, smiles, and then holds eye contact, she has an interest. It's then up to the man to see how much interest, he has to show interest.

So, you have some boundaries you need tested or pushed?

I don't mind at all for a man to ask for my number, I'm also not beyond giving a man my number and telling him to call me. Now, this is not with random strangers, it is with a man I've already flirted with enough to know I'm interested.

Often a case, I think, of “what does the dog do when he catches the fire truck”… can tell from you previous writings that the hard-to-get challenge (mgr of the store that didn’t execute) is one you appreciate… pushing that boundary.

Yes, finding the right balance of allure and pushing the edges… getting the conversation partner to take or give hints, debate a topic for deeper insight… seems that ability to challenge can also indicate that positive struggle in other settings…

What style of convo do you most enjoy via text? Current events, books, etc?

How often does your suitor actually call you after you give him your number? I find the texting v phone is an interesting balance. Always easier to text the secrets I would think… I know I’m definitely more thoughtful about a text bc I can review it, etc. I like the need to be on game of conversation.

You?

[Farmgirl]

Often a case, I think, of “what does the dog do when he catches the fire truck”… can tell from you previous writings that the hard-to-get challenge (mgr of the store that didn’t execute) is one you appreciate… pushing that boundary.

Yes, finding the right balance of allure and pushing the edges… getting the conversation partner to take or give hints, debate a topic for deeper insight… seems that ability to challenge can also indicate that positive struggle in other settings…

What style of convo do you most enjoy via text? Current events, books, etc?

How often does your suitor actually call you after you give him your number? I find the texting v phone is an interesting balance. Always easier to text the secrets I would think… I know I’m definitely more thoughtful about a text bc I can review it, etc. I like the need to be on game of conversation.

You?

To keep this thread about what it is, a place to ask questions of VHW's, rather than a place to flirt:

I like a broad-based conversation. Texting mostly, unless we really have a connection, then calls work just fine. In the end, it is a balance of both. Guys I hand my number to pretty much always text. Since I don't hand it out to randoms, I know what to expect.

[2inUPMichigan]

My wife is aware of my fantasy but has been steadfast in her response which is that she is only interested in me as a lover. I keep mentioning my inadequacy and she has admitted i don't satisfy her. She knows I wear panties and I am shaved waist down too.

Last time we had sex she asked if I would put in my plug so I could feel like I was getting fucked while fucking her. Way out of character for her...any thoughts on this development?

Wearing panties isn't something that would automatically be a turn off and (not sure if you knew this) but there are a lot of men that are either shaved or trimmed below the waist (I'm just guessing you weren't referring to your legs ) who play with hotwives or are swingers. Most of the responses I get state that upfront.
She may very well be turned on by the idea of you being submissive to her sexually.
None of that means that she wants to fuck other men. It just means the two of you need to talk about what exactly does turn each of you on and how you can explore that with each other.
Sounds like the two of you have some naughty fun in your future!!

[long4her]

Dear VHWs, apologies if this has been asked before, but do any of you wear anklets or have small tattoos that show you’re in the LS? Or is that just for wannabes?

Thanks ladies.

[Farmgirl]

Dear VHWs, apologies if this has been asked before, but do any of you wear anklets or have small tattoos that show you’re in the LS? Or is that just for wannabes?

Thanks ladies.

I wear an ankle bracelet every day, all day. The one I wear most often is a diamond tennis style, eye-catching and flashy.
I wear it for several reasons; It is me proclaiming that I'm a Hotwife, most people just see it as jewelry, but I know what I'm proclaiming and so does my husband. That is the primary reason I wear one, how it makes me and him feel.
While I don't believe most men that see it know what I'm proclaiming, it does get their attention. So many men are drawn to women's feet, just look at the myriad ways we adorn them and show them off. It is to attract the attention of men, and the added sparkle helps. I know I have "come fuck me" feet and use them to show my sexuality. The anklet is an extension and expression of that.

[Farmgirl]

My wife is aware of my fantasy but has been steadfast in her response which is that she is only interested in me as a lover. I keep mentioning my inadequacy and she has admitted i don't satisfy her. She knows I wear panties and I am shaved waist down too.

Last time we had sex she asked if I would put in my plug so I could feel like I was getting fucked while fucking her. Way out of character for her...any thoughts on this development?

How does the shaving below the waist fit in your story? Pretty much all of the men I've seen for several years have been shaved "down there". It's so common that I wouldn't want a man who's not shaved.

[cleenwheels69]

My wife is aware of my fantasy but has been steadfast in her response which is that she is only interested in me as a lover. I keep mentioning my inadequacy and she has admitted i don't satisfy her. She knows I wear panties and I am shaved waist down too.

Last time we had sex she asked if I would put in my plug so I could feel like I was getting fucked while fucking her. Way out of character for her...any thoughts on this development?

How does the shaving below the waist fit in your story? Pretty much all of the men I've seen for several years have been shaved "down there". It's so common that I wouldn't want a man who's not shaved.

Ah legs too?

[Farmgirl]

My wife is aware of my fantasy but has been steadfast in her response which is that she is only interested in me as a lover. I keep mentioning my inadequacy and she has admitted i don't satisfy her. She knows I wear panties and I am shaved waist down too.

Last time we had sex she asked if I would put in my plug so I could feel like I was getting fucked while fucking her. Way out of character for her...any thoughts on this development?

How does the shaving below the waist fit in your story? Pretty much all of the men I've seen for several years have been shaved "down there". It's so common that I wouldn't want a man who's not shaved.

Ah legs too?

None have shaved their legs, no.

[Lookingforadventure]

Curious if any VHWs have any thoughts on what, if anything, DIFFERENT from a vanilla proplosal, a devotee of a HW Goddess should do in getting engaged? Thoughts on ritual to ask, ring, jewelry etc. Things are getting very intimate in the best way.

Oh this could be fun! I will have to give it some thought.

Definitely you could make a statement with the jewelry and the proposal shouldn't be vanilla as you aren't just asking her to be your wife you are formalizing your commitment as her devotee.

You will tell us all about it won't you?

I'm curious if the proposal happened and how it went.

If you haven't proposed yet, you could consider putting some sort of classy, literary quote on the inside of the ring. It will be subtle to those who think this is a regular proposal, but known by you and her.

Her ring could say "Phenomenal woman, that's me" which is from a poem by Maya Angelou. Or if you wanted to be a bit more direct, "You had the power all along my dear" which is by L. Frank Baum in the Wizard of Oz.

[long4her]

Dear VHWs, how does your husbands little ( or big ) selfless acts of service to you make you feel? I know every ladies answers will be different, but how do you personally feel ? Farmgirl - always a good resource - has kind of commented on it in the past.

[long4her]

Dear VHWs, second question in quick succession.

I’ve bought my wife vibrators and dildos in the past and she said she uses them but I suspect not. She’d never order them herself. I just like the idea of her pleasuring herself and maybe fantasizing about a lover. Question: ( and I know every woman is different) Would you consider your husband doing this to be a loving act or being controlling?