My story

[Des 31]

Hi everyone, I'm new here. Looking forward to meeting some other like minded people since one of the toughest issues I had with this lifestyle is as been just amazing; I feel so much more sexual than I used to. . . . I feel more beautiful and desirable and just generally happier than I used to. . . . .

My 34-year-old wife has said the same more than a few times. And, she was very close to your age the first time she and then coworker began having sex. When I learned of it three months into their affair, I was fully on board for her to date others. But it isn't just she who benefits. Your amazement and excitation are also ways I feel at the times she and other men are united as one. She tells me each time another man is inside her is as thrilling as her first, and that's mind-blowing for each of us.

~ Des

It's funny, seeing you quote my first post made me think about my first experience. And in hindsight? It wasn't very ethical, the way the other couple handled things. I feel like I've learned so much over the years from my experiences. My counselor has really helped me think about my whys and to consider what kind of person I want to be. I've made mistakes in the past, but I don't ever really want people sitting around saying, man that SSQ really took advantage of me, or didn't tell me everything I needed to know, or violated my consent.

That's not who I am, and it's not who I want to be. I'm a hedonist and I love having all kinds of decadent fun, but I'd like to leave the world a slightly better place because I was in it. I don't want my fun to be at someone else's expense.

That's the best attitude in all facets of life and particularly in the way you and we live. Any other way, in our opinions, would be immoral. The incident that brought my wife around to seeing things as they now are was a three-month covert affair with her then coworker. Your comment about "not very ethical" is the way my wife later described her one-time affair without my knowledge. She promised never to do that again. It's now all in the open between us, and I love that.

color=#0000FF]~ Des[/color]

[SSQ]

I have a morning poly funny to share with you all. So generally Henry keeps an earlier schedule and Charles keeps a later one because he often works until late night. I'm somewhere in between. We have all been sleeping in our own bedrooms lately since everyone actually sleeps better alone. In the morning when I wake up, I text Henry and if he's home/available, he comes upstairs for morning snuggles. When I'm going to bed at night, if I'm not already spending time with Charles (since Henry is asleep by then), he comes and we have our own silly little nighttime routine where he tucks me into bed.

So with that preamble, today is Saturday and both my loves are home. I slept in very late because this week has been just exhausting. I texted Henry for my morning cuddles and we were just snuggled up and chatting for a while. Charles woke up and saw my bedroom door was open and he came in to get a hug as well. He stuck around for a moment to chat and he was also still snuggled up and Henry started giggling and said "Hey, I get Morning SSQ!" and everyone cracked up.

That's not him being passive aggressive, either. He said he was glad that we can all be friendly enough that he can make jokes like that without anyone taking it too seriously. And we all got a laugh out of it.

It's funny, seeing you quote my first post made me think about my first experience. And in hindsight? It wasn't very ethical, the way the other couple handled things.

I recently read thru your thread from start to finish… you certainly seem to have morphed and changed over the years especially after that first hiatus you took for a while. While I haven’t read back they your blog from the beginning, I’m sure it would provide more context. Your’s seems such an incredible journey from the start. The way you’ve changed, the way it reads your moral compass has come to true north. Not sure if I read into wrong, but it seems that has been as much of your journey as anything sexual.

Admittedly, I find you fascinating in some sense…. Not in an internet stalker kind of way but in a “I want to be more like SSQ when I grow up”…. Like I admire how you’ve grown and wish I do the same.

I'm truly touched. Thank you for your kind words <3

[CoupleFun555]

Hi SSQ,

I’ve really enjoyed your recent posts. I really admire how the three of you live with such courage and consideration. It’s heartening to hear stories like yours where a woman is able to openly have more than one ethical, intimate relationship.

[SSQ]

Today is Polyamory Day. It reminds me that this is one of the last closets that might be necessary. Polyamory is not a protected ground from legal discrimination, which I think is appalling. I can understand them not wanting to revisit marriage legislation by allowing polyamorous marriages- I think that could get exceedingly complicated. But no one should ever have to worry about losing their job based on relationship status between consenting adults. That has absolutely zero to do with someone's employment.

Even when the rest of my life is full of struggles, my relationships bring me so much love and happiness. I work hard every day to make sure they both feel as much love and support and fulfillment as I do.

I am lucky that this isn't something we really have to hide, because it's not fair to the person who gets treated as a "friend" or "roommate". They deserve so much better, and shouldn't be forced to be in that closet. This is something that poly people in a "primary" couple convince themselves or a partner is necessary, and it causes so much damage. Love should not be a dirty little secret. Love should not be marginalized under couples' privilege.

Fairness and equality are two different things. People can be treated fairly and not have "equal" anything. What matters is getting their needs met, and as many of their wants as possible. People have differing needs, after all. As long as one relationship isn't artificially prioritized over the other, people can be treated fairly.

It's funny how when I was talking to someone considering nonmonogamy about polyamory, that I said the real turning point for me was when I made that shift from focusing on how polyamory would affect me and my existing relationship, to focusing on how to make everything fit well in life so that everyone involved was getting what they needed, and finding that balance. It's very easy to say that you want to be in more than one relationship or have more than one sex partner but what does that really mean? How do the logistics work? Do you live alone and visit partners? Do you live with one and visit another? Are you "out" or is one partner subjected to feeling like an affair even if they are not? If you have a cohabitating relationship with one partner, how do you sort out time and money for other relationships? Do you have "kitchen table" polyamory where everyone can get along or do you prefer parallel where the partners know and consent to the others' existence but prefer not to socialize? Don't even get me started on the toxicity of DADT. All these things can really have a profound effect between belief and action, and how well things actually work in practice.

I've been so lucky to find these two amazing men who love me and accept me for who I am. Our society is so conditioned to be monoamorous that the idea of polyamory really is scary! The idea that your partner could find someone else they think is "better" (polyamory is AND not OR). The idea that you can build in rules to be safe (rules don't stop people from cheating in monogamy let alone polyamory- rules just set up a mechanism of failure). The idea that you "own" all of your partner's free time (even in monogamy, making time together intentional gives it value).

At times, I've felt like I was walking off a cliff into the unknown. I have been lucky enough to discover that with these two people supporting me, I can fly.

[Lookingforadventure]

Thank you for your post. I am sorry I missed polyamory day, but I'm glad you were there to post about it. Thank you for being you and for sharing about your experience so that people can better understand what polyamory is all about.

[SSQ]

Some days (or nights, as the case may be!) I take a few moments to really luxuriate in how lucky I am. In this past week, I have had some of the best sex I’ve had in quite some time, one day each with Henry and Charles. In both cases, it just happened, and in both cases, it was entirely different.

How lucky I am to experience two very different types of deeply intimate attraction. And when I say attraction, I don’t mean that momentary flutter when you see a person of interest. I mean the intense, magnetic pull of partners drawn to one another.

Henry and I haven’t had much energy for BDSM this past year, despite our 24/7 D/s. That’s always there, even when we don’t feel like playing. Our connection and our love resonates and feeds off that complementary energy. We both have been missing play, though, and last week while we were getting ready for sex and he was bent over in front of me on the bed so that I could put in one of his favourite butt plugs, I knew that I had to have him right then. I had to play with his sensations and listen to every gasp and moan he makes, watch him twitch and present himself for more of whatever I wanted. Fortunately the toys were all close to hand and we had a lovely session with my favourite strap, as well as a couple of paddles, a cane, and a bear paw before I took out the plug and fucked him from behind with his favourite dildo in my strap on harness. Once he was cleaned up, he made sure to thank me for my kind attentions.

I don’t think either of us realized right away how spacey we’d gotten; it’s been so long and we hadn’t let our demons out to play to remember how it affects us. We went back to the bedroom for aftercare once we realized it was needed, and wound up having sex again less than an hour later; another thing we haven’t done in so long. But the little bits of what makes us, Us, came right back to the forefront. That passion and intensity, and the romance. Kisses that cling. My magnetic pull to my love. It was wonderful.

And then tonight, I decided to pull out the fucking machine and my favourite dildo- nice and thick but not too long. When Charles heard my intention, he offered his services to help since if I use it by myself I’m in danger of bucking myself off the dildo when I cum, since I’ll raise my hips. That’s not a fun way to ruin an orgasm! It was so nice to just relax into sensation and let him make sure I was having a wonderful time. And I did have several wonderful orgasms, but found myself craving him. He had said he was tired and not sure if he was up for fun times, but couldn’t resist sliding into my very wet and open pussy. I was oh-so-sensitive after the good fucking from my dildo, and his cock felt so good. And then once again that magnetic attraction struck and our lips kept coming together because we just couldn’t get enough of each other. Even after he came, the pull to stay together was intense. The kisses would both last a little too long and nowhere near long enough.

I love them both so dearly, and still feel all the passion and intensity I had for them both when we were in NRE, but seasoned with the emotional intimacy we’ve gained over time. How incredible the little moments can be.

And now I think I need to change my bedsheets again

[EDAS]

This is one of the most exciting and interesting of threads. I am sending it up front, i.e. on page 1!

[SSQ]

Today is Henry's birthday. I'm not sure what kind of shenanigans we will get up to since we're all tired with leading up to Christmas and of course the pandemic resurgence. But I wanted to at least write about how much my life feels like Family. I'm so full of love and it isn't even my birthday!

Charles worked late last night and he brought home Henry's favourite treat (hot wings) for him to have for breakfast when he woke up. Maybe that's weird but he knew well enough that Henry would love it. My guys aren't partners, but they're definitely friends and that is awesome. Henry and I had morning snuggles and now he's just relaxing and enjoying a quiet Sunday. I told him no chores today- just whatever he wanted to do to relax. And we'll be having his favourite dinner today, too. Kiddo is baking his birthday cake this afternoon too.

Sometimes, love is in those quiet little moments.

[Her number1]

Happy birthday to Henry, and a hopefully blessed Christmas to your whole family.

[Lookingforadventure]

Happy birthday to Henry and enjoy your family day together. With all the new covid restrictions, it feels like lockdown is just around the corner again, but at least you have an amazing "bubble" to be locked down with.

Have a merry Christmas.

[Whosbeensleeping]

Happy Birthday Henry, and warmest thoughts to you all.

[SSQ]

Merry Christmas, everyone! (or whatever holiday you celebrate!)

Things were very low key here in the SSQ household. We did decide to have my parents visit (after taking rapid tests) because it's been so long and Kiddo wanted to see his grandparents who are triple vaxxed.

To put things in perspective, Charles and I have been dating now for 3 1/2 years, and he's been living here for a little over a year because of the pandemic (but didn't give up his apartment until last May). My mother in particular has always been a little squeamish about polyamory. She doesn't understand it because it doesn't fit into her worldview- where you date to find someone to marry. So when she found out several years ago that I was dating Charles, she thought it meant that Henry and I would split up soon. I believe it was Christmas dinner 2019 that I hosted, and she asked me if he could not come because she would be uncomfortable. I told her no, of course not. He's my partner and he would always be welcome in my home, especially for the holidays. She was awkward that year but tried to be polite even though she was obviously uncomfortable.

Then the pandemic lockdowns hit, so she didn't visit until the summer when things opened up, and even then we stayed outside so she didn't really know when he moved here, and we didn't feel the need to tell her since it's not something that should be important to her. When we started celebrating important days like Kiddo's birthday, I let her know that he was going to be here because he lives here. I guess she got used to the idea that her daughter has two men in her life who care about her and Kiddo, because for Christmas this year she brought Charles a bag of gifts just like she did for Henry, and joked around with him, too.

It just made me happy that we could just be, without worrying about dealing with other people's issues. That, and I'll admit it felt pretty awesome to have the boys do most of the work for Christmas so that I had more time to work on the very special Christmas gifts that I made for them that took way longer than I thought they would! I see all the whiners on the internet complaining that their husbands didn't help with the shopping or the cooking or any part of the holidays, which I don't understand- if they don't help, then don't marry them! No one wants to deal with an adult child. This year Henry did most of Christmas dinner by himself since I was busy, and Charles did most of the cleanup. I am SO lucky to have two such amazing men in my life!

And this morning I came downstairs to see the two of them sitting at the dining room table with the liquor advent calendar that I gave them both, with little shot glasses, sharing the liquors that each of them got this morning. It was the perfect gift since they get to be social and share them and discuss the flavours with each other. Warm, happy feels seeing my men hanging out together enjoying themselves, even if it means they were ignoring me LOL!

[Whosbeensleeping]

I guess Lady Booze and Lady Friendship must be given their dues too! All in the cause of greater conviviality and joy.
Glad the good will was flowing abundantly in your home this season. May it only continue to grow and evolve with you.

[Kentros]

I guess she got used to the idea that her daughter has two men in her life who care about her and Kiddo, because for Christmas this year she brought Charles a bag of gifts just like she did for Henry, and joked around with him, too.

Glad she's coming around

[Mad Dog65]

Thanks for sharing the SSQ family news and happy holidays. Great that you all are feeling comfortable and that you can live your authentic life! Congratulations.

[SSQ]

It's been a while since I've written, but I've had the January blues and haven't felt super sexy. At least I have my loves to keep me warm though. Literally! Both of them seem to have a higher body temperature than I do. I joke it's good we don't all sleep together because if I was in the middle I would spontaneously combust.

I do miss my social connections, though. We've been hiding out from the Omicron wave so haven't done much socializing at all in person. I really miss my friends but many of those connections suffer from a lack of in person time, even with phone calls or whatnot. I am very grateful not to be living alone during this whole mess but I still miss seeing people I don't live with lol.

I found myself opening a women's only text based dating app and just taking a look to see who is there. I've done that off and on over the past year, but there haven't been any connections that lasted more than a week or two of idle conversation. Recently I've been chatting with one woman who is about my age and local, and she seems pretty interesting. Also, I find it flattering that she's often the one messaging me. While I enjoy pursuing, it's also nice to know that someone is enjoying being chased by me. We have a video date tomorrow night and I'm looking forward to it. In-person get togethers are still not in the cards for now, but maybe there will be a spark and we'll hit it off, and I will have something new to look forward to.

Maybe not- I've had a few attempts at connecting fizzle lately. But maybe

She's very new to nonmonogamy and open relationships, though. If I had more availability in my life I think this would concern me more because there are often a lot of issues with brand new couples opening up and the last thing I need is to be someone's collateral damage while they are learning how to deal with their baggage- but I think that since I only really have space in my life for a less deeper connection, that hopefully it won't be too bad. But life throws us curveballs sometimes. I had never planned to have as deep a connection as I do with Charles, and neither did he, but here we are. Trying to keep life in little boxes doesn't exactly work sometimes. So, it'll go where it goes with Rose, whether that's a fizzle or something more.

And a bit louder for the people in the back- I'm not looking to date someone new because I'm not getting what I need at home. I just happen to like variety

[mundyman]

It's been a while since I've written, but I've had the January blues and haven't felt super sexy. At least I have my loves to keep me warm though. Literally! Both of them seem to have a higher body temperature than I do. I joke it's good we don't all sleep together because if I was in the middle I would spontaneously combust.

I do miss my social connections, though. We've been hiding out from the Omicron wave so haven't done much socializing at all in person. I really miss my friends but many of those connections suffer from a lack of in person time, even with phone calls or whatnot. I am very grateful not to be living alone during this whole mess but I still miss seeing people I don't live with lol.

I found myself opening a women's only text based dating app and just taking a look to see who is there. I've done that off and on over the past year, but there haven't been any connections that lasted more than a week or two of idle conversation. Recently I've been chatting with one woman who is about my age and local, and she seems pretty interesting. Also, I find it flattering that she's often the one messaging me. While I enjoy pursuing, it's also nice to know that someone is enjoying being chased by me. We have a video date tomorrow night and I'm looking forward to it. In-person get togethers are still not in the cards for now, but maybe there will be a spark and we'll hit it off, and I will have something new to look forward to.

Maybe not- I've had a few attempts at connecting fizzle lately. But maybe

She's very new to nonmonogamy and open relationships, though. If I had more availability in my life I think this would concern me more because there are often a lot of issues with brand new couples opening up and the last thing I need is to be someone's collateral damage while they are learning how to deal with their baggage- but I think that since I only really have space in my life for a less deeper connection, that hopefully it won't be too bad. But life throws us curveballs sometimes. I had never planned to have as deep a connection as I do with Charles, and neither did he, but here we are. Trying to keep life in little boxes doesn't exactly work sometimes. So, it'll go where it goes with Rose, whether that's a fizzle or something more.

And a bit louder for the people in the back- I'm not looking to date someone new because I'm not getting what I need at home. I just happen to like variety

Good luck and enjoy the journey. Your friendship, and whatever else might or might not develop, will be your gifts to each other.
I hope you have an enjoyable experience and you find a new friend. Perhaps you will be that person/mentor who will help her understand what nonmonogamy means and what it looks like regardless of how deep your relationship gets with her.
And maybe you’ll have a few convos and nothing more will develop.
YOLO.

[SSQ]

Not much going on lately. There wasn't enough chemistry on the Zoom date despite the good texting, so we wished each other the best. With covid starting to increase again, I decided that I wasn't in a rush to meet someone. It'll happen when it happens.

I did get some new pussy though... an adorable kitten! Too bad we can't share pics in this forum. He's adorable

[4herpleasure89]

I wonder where you are. It’s not increasing where we live (Florida) or where we are traveling (Europe). It’s declining, although very slowly here in Berlin.

[SSQ]

*waves* I still exist, just haven't had much to say lately. Guess it's very true what they say, that happy families are happy alike. We are all still doing well. I had my wedding anniversary with Henry a few months ago and it was lovely to have a date night, and also had my 4th anniversary with Charles and we went out for a date night too

I have my OKC active because I'm open to new possibilities, but nothing more than casual. I don't know how people have the energy for more than two romantic relationships.

[Whosbeensleeping]

Wow, been thinking about you and hoping you're okay. Very glad to hear from you. Happy to hear even the uneventful stuff. Thanks for the news.

[Lookingforadventure]

*waves* I still exist, just haven't had much to say lately. Guess it's very true what they say, that happy families are happy alike. We are all still doing well. I had my wedding anniversary with Henry a few months ago and it was lovely to have a date night, and also had my 4th anniversary with Charles and we went out for a date night too

I have my OKC active because I'm open to new possibilities, but nothing more than casual. I don't know how people have the energy for more than two romantic relationships.

Nice to "see" you again. I'm glad that all is going well. And congratulations on both anniversaries! I'm glad you were able to celebrate the wonderful men in your life and the love that surrounds you. Cheers to you all.

[SSQ]

Henry and I were snuggled in bed this morning chatting. He's been away much more than usual lately- he traveled to a few different festivals to reengage with that part of his life. I can't stand camping and won't do it for love or money but I'm glad that he gets to do things he enjoys.

He was telling me he was on Reddit lately reading about swingers' events in our area and asked if I might like to do that sometime. I'm sure he misses some novelty as well. That actually led to us having a funny conversation about who was the last person he slept with that wasn't me, and who was the last person I slept with who wasn't Henry or Charles. It's certainly been a while for both of us- I'm pretty sure Henry hasn't had another partner since just before our wedding. We figure the last "outside" partner for us both must have been a couple of threesomes we had together.

If he wants to have some fun, I'm happy to go so that he doesn't look like the creepy single guy lol. I just hate sex with condoms so much but of course with casual men, they're an absolute requirement. So much easier when I just have sex with women lol, but I suspect I'm going to have to take one for the team.

[SSQ]

So I convinced Henry to put his profile back up on OKCupid. It's been a very, very long time since he actually dated. I mean we've both had plenty of casual encounters and friends where we partook in occasional benefits, both separately and together, but looking for another romantic partner? He actually hasn't done that our whole relationship, short of those couple of dates he went out with a friend of a friend who turned out to have terrible boundaries as a person so he noped right out of there.

He actually hit it off with a lovely woman on OKC almost right away, and they've been chatting. He went to see her last weekend and was there from early evening until 3am. They really enjoyed each other's company and also had great sex, and he came home all bubbly and happy and full of NRE and wanting to tell me all about his date (of course, not including any private details!). I love seeing him all starry eyed like that! I'm going to call her Kaci, since I'm pretty sure she's going to be around for a while.

She and her husband have been swingers for about ten years, and she has two partners she calls boyfriends as well as now starting to see Henry. I'm not sure whether they're actually romantic partners or what I'd consider FWB (everyone uses such different labels!) but personally I can't fathom the idea of her having three romantic partners and still looking for more? I wouldn't have any time for anything else lol. The only little bit of a red flag is that she expressed that they only recently opened to poly, and Henry is a bit anxious about what that means. He doesn't want to get his heart broken because one or both of them suddenly decides they aren't open to catching feelings; that is such a terrible thing to do to someone. He's got a date with her on Friday night, and I hope things go well

I've had my OKC app up looking for something more like a FWB (looking for someone who I'd actually consider a friend before we hit the benefits, but not the time sink of a romantic relationship). I haven't met anyone yet but I've been chatting with a few people. Kaci actually Liked my profile as well, but I told Henry that I'm not going to respond to it. Since she's from the swinger side, he figures she'd probably up for a threesome at some point, but I told him that can be a conversation way down the line. While I might have been interested in talking to her if Henry hadn't been, I don't want to make his new connection about us. It's something he should enjoy on his own without having to consider how I'm feeling. If something happens down the line that's fine, but if not; I just want him to have every happiness that he can <3

[Mad Dog65]

What a great update SSQ. I hope it works out for Henry and glad to hear that is all well on your side!