Wonderful Life With My Gorgeous Hotwife (revisited)

[john jasson]

The timing thing is a really good point. It’s therefore unlikely that Sherrie calls it off with Geoff, so she either chooses Geoff, whatever that means, or there’s a third outcome we’re not thinking of. We’re all coming down on Sherrie but give her some credit as she has managed this affair to fulfill both her and Jason’s pleasure until now. This could be her pushing Jason’s buttons again. She has denied Jason sex and he seems to be turned on, now perhaps she denies him cohabitation for awhile or something along those lines. I can’t really see Sherrie and Geoff playing house, so there must be an outcome where Sherrie chooses Geoff,for a time, but without leaving Jason.

Bloody intriguing to say the least.

I agree that Sherrie has had a bit of a tough deal in this batch of comments. I think she’s rapidly losing admirers! Who’s this Jason guy???

[john jasson]

There’s certainly a number of scenarios but not sure how exactly accurate the timeline is for this purpose.
Without repeating the other observations, I would have thought there’s only a binary answer- she gives up Geoff or leaves John.
Certainly, if I had been John, I think I would’ve given her an ultimatum myself. If she chooses Geoff, then her life with John, their house, their business would be over and i’d be moving away to restart my life - that’s what she’d be giving up…
But I’m not John!
Could it be that John goes to see Geoff and have it out with him? Do all 3 reach an agreement that Sherrie goes to Geoff one night per week only, John restarts sex with Sherrie and Geoff is taken down a peg?
And ultimately Geoff has a hissy fit because he’s not getting his way anymore and gives her up?

That’s quite an interesting one in looking beyond the binary. I think this is where I decide the purely speculative comments don't need a response from me because they stand on their own and there isn't much I can add. Thank you all for every one of them though. All read and appreciated by me, and seemingly others.

[john jasson]

As I’ve already commented twice here for this segment of the story I wasn’t going to offer anything further not wishing to overstep. However since others seem to be offering their own possible outcomes for where things go from this point I just can’t resist with my own version. I think once again it’s a tribute to the incredible uniqueness, writing and presentation of detail that this story just seems to reach out and grab readers holding them almost captive to the next installment.
As John describes Sherrie to have always been basically a “good girl” I think at this stage in her life she is extremely confused by her newfound addiction and the level of her craving to experience more of it. I can understand that wanting to be basically two people at the same time and having to constantly balance her professional, Feminist-based Scientist self against her submissive-slut craving self would tear most sane people apart. She also has Geoff now wanting more of her and John wanting his usual amount of her, the major transformations that seem to be taking flight with the business, along with her dieting, training, running events…etc etc. I think that is perhaps why she so over reacted to John’s stupidity with his misdirected comment as she did.
As we are currently about 4 to 4.5 years into the Geoff story 6 year timeline, we know that Geoff is going to be present in Sherrie’s life for at least another 1.5 to 2 years so the possibility of her giving him up at this point is not feasible. We also know that as Geoff has now put forth an ultimatum, Sherrie (and by association John) is going to have to respond in some sort of way that will be acceptable to him, both as her Dom and also as someone that has been involved in an ultra-close sexual/coaching/friendship-based relationship with her for approx. 3.5 to 4 years now. Whatever this answer is going to be someone, likely John, is going to suffer some heartache.
If I was in Sherrie’s shoes (and indeed I’m assuming this is what she will do) I would put forth/demand the idea of taking a “time-out” from the marriage for either a specified or unspecified period of time. During this time period she may remain living in the house with John or she may get herself some type of living space separate from John. A separate space would probably be preferable but because of the “money-crunch” that they are currently in, sharing a space may have to be the reality.
I do not see her actually moving in with Geoff unless she is 100% certain of their future together and I can’t see her being in anyway certain of that at this point in her life. I’m sure he would want this type of commitment from her before taking her into his home anyways.
I think she opts for a living space away from John where she can live as single woman again. Of course they remain working together so they would at least see each other regularly at work. Perhaps outside of working hours she and John could gradually work up to regular communications and eventual dating as the time line stretches out but, at least initially, she would be free to live, visit, date, have sex with anyone as she sees fit and of course as her relationship with Geoff unfolds. Once she has found herself again in terms of who she wants to be going forward she obviously chooses her relationship with John again. By this time (approx..1.5-2 years in the future) she will have decided that Geoff has done all he can for her and she ends things off with him ready to live her life being the person that she is currently.
In terms of John confronting Geoff and the two of them “fist fighting” over Sherrie to any degree, I can’t see this happening. This is not a John/Geoff issue. IMO this is an issue first and foremost between Sherrie and her own personal demons, next between Sherrie and John and lastly between Sherrie and Geoff. John seems to have long maintained his belief that if you have something/someone and let them go and they return to you then that was indeed what was meant to be

Anyways we will see what actually happens over the next few postings although it is fun to speculate at this point.

This is very insightful to Sherrie’s frame of mind, I believe. This particular paragraph chimes very much with our own take on the position at the stage we’ve reached here:

As John describes Sherrie to have always been basically a “good girl” I think at this stage in her life she is extremely confused by her newfound addiction and the level of her craving to experience more of it. I can understand that wanting to be basically two people at the same time and having to constantly balance her professional, Feminist-based Scientist self against her submissive-slut craving self would tear most sane people apart. She also has Geoff now wanting more of her and John wanting his usual amount of her, the major transformations that seem to be taking flight with the business, along with her dieting, training, running events…etc etc. I think that is perhaps why she so over reacted to John’s stupidity with his misdirected comment as she did.

There is a highly charged conversation in the next segment where Sherrie very intelligently tries to articulate her feelings which go worryingly far beyond mere confusion.

[john jasson]

Great thesis KarrieKraves. I agree that something along these lines is the most likely outcome. John has spoken of the dark times. I expect that this upcoming period is what he was referring to.

Yes. We are at that stage.

[john jasson]

The one constant throughout this entire amazing story has been John's unwavering love of Sherrie. Even when he has been pushed aside or disvalued, his love and enjoyment of Sherrie has only seemed to strengthen. She has (as John encouraged) divided her time and pleasure with a man of far less character. To see her tempted to even consider leaving a heroic being like John for a scum like Geoff creates great sorrow for me.

But I still love Sherrie (as we all do) and want her to do the right thing.

She never “disvalued” me. She reacted with shocked anger and emotion to an incident where I treated her badly. I always considered her the most exciting woman I could possibly imagine in my wildest dreams. There is much speculation here on what she is considering, so a good degree of reaching.

[john jasson]

I don't think I would have survived this story if it was being told in real time.

Haha. It would have been a bit samey, I guess, as a blow by blow over so many years. You’d probably have died of boredom! I’ve covered 15 years of our lives together to date. (And even in short form it’s taken me almost a year and a half.)

[john jasson]

John i’ve been following along on your situation ,between you and your Sherrie. It seems to us in the way you write it is almost heartrending and unbearable to go through. I know thats not the case since these events have already come to pass. I applaud you and Sherrie for going thru this and coming out whole on the other side. Your writing draws us in and keeps us all on edge. I feel like i know you both even though we have never met. I know it must be hard bringing up events and emotions from the past. I feel you must be doing this as a loving tribute to your wife Sherrie. I will waiting on edge for your Epic story. Thank You John and Sherrie

Throughout the time we were really just having huge enjoyment and excitement kept fresh by the ever present edginess of what she was doing with him and the teasing between the two us. It was only when it all looked like collapsing in the latest segment that it became hard to bear, not to mention shocking because this was never remotely in the script. Thanks for looking in!

[john jasson]

John,
It really struck a cord when you said, "This last section was much more difficult and emotional, as will be others to come. Surprisingly, considering the elapsed time, it can still cut deep, and I’ve been transported back to some heartbreaking days by regurgitating them from the vaults of my memory."

I well remember a comparable time with my wife. I'd been so proud of her growth in confidence, her comfort in expressing herself as a sexual being. It made her so hot to me. Then came her choice to transfer her love to her boyfriend and reject me. This point in your story has caused all those feelings to come back.

I feel your pain. Such a hackneyed phrase, but accurate in this instance.

BDJ

Thank you for the empathy!! I know you’ve been there, done that and probably suffered a lot more than I did for a lot longer. Thanks as ever. Always welcome here!

[john jasson]

Wouldn’t it be fascinating if Sherrie and Geoff also both wrote the story from their points of view?

Wishing you all well as you take us forward into resolution

As I've mentioned before, Sherrie is not one to engage about her proclivities. She only ever made one post on OHW when I wrote an abbreviated version of this years ago. I reproduced it somewhere back on this thread. I had originally hoped she might be persuaded to give her angle but this really isn't her. She likes to do it more than she likes to review it in the aftermath, I think is a fair assessment. As for Geoff, who knows, maybe he did on some BDSM site somewhere. He'd have had to tell them at confession though!

[john jasson]

Hindsight is a wonderful thing…
Yes, I think technically, PaNic is right, it’s still just on the limit of play. Consenting.
I think we can be reasonably sure of how J and S have seen it, as play and her search within herself to understand her own wiring.
We’re just unsure of Geoff.
He is a pantomime Dom who John did check out at the start ie not a known criminal. But there’s always a first time…
Is he darker than we know so far?
Or is John slightly misleading us? Not deliberately necessarily but he’s telling it from his perspective. As been mentioned, things unmentioned by Sherrie may have occurred. A genuine tenderness, a more normal relationship sometimes. It’s been hinted at.
A good Dom makes sure of giving good after care to the sub but we haven’t heard about that. Might still have happened and we haven’t heard about it.
Finally, back in my Dom days, I’d describe myself as a hobbyist Dom.
This particular story would have been too much for me, even as the Dom! So full kudos to John and Sherrie surviving it.

Thank you for reminding me. I should say yet again that everything herein was always, totally, absolutely between consenting adults. I would have stepped in radically had Sherrie not been very obviously having the time of her life. I think my correspondent who we have called "the physician" maybe took things theoretically further than this in building his assessments, and this was something that stood out to me and was in my mind the whole time as I read his message.

[Johng1953]

"She always promised she would tell me everything, holding nothing back, and I trust her, so I never doubted it was true. At the same time I hadn’t seen her intimately naked since she denied me full intercourse, except for the occasion you have mentioned when she lifted her dress to show me “what she was giving him”, and the crazy night when I caught her coming home in her wet nappy. "
Well we all know now that she never told you everything.
And wtf? wet nappy?? How did I miss that???

[Johng1953]

You did hint before that it was something you said and not something seismic that caused the cataclysm. Was it this utterly trivial thing that did it??
If it was, I seriously question the undying love you were supposed to feel for each other back then!
And with 2 years (I think?) still to go of the Geoff 'phase' I fear what her choice then was.

Our undying love was absolutely real. Her 100% pure perception of our mutual devotion was the catalyst for her devastation when I greeted her in that way. She came on the phone elated and hung up a couple of minutes later devastated. I don’t believe it was utterly trivial, and neither did she. Remember, she had been on a massive journey carrying the hopes of both of us, and she’d done really well. Yes, it was simply thoughtless of me. It wasn’t seismic in a general sense, perhaps, but I’d no right to treat her that way. It was a terrible, and totally uncharacteristic thing to do, and I knew it immediately.

You have ultimately proved your undying love was real, I can only apologise for the fact that her (to me) completely unreasonable response to your thoughtless (ok, not trivial) remark led me to the conclusion I reached.
I look forward with trepidation to how things developed following this.

[Trickydicky69]

I have to agree with Johng1953 on this one:
She returned all excited about the business deal and the first thing you said was crass and deflating but nothing awful.
You had a bad day yourself and under normal circumstances, she should also have taken that onboard. And after a day or so of grumbling with each other, would have had make up sex and all forgotten.
But Geoff sticks his wedge in - a neutral Dom who just does it as play, wouldn’t do that.
This is why I think Geoff is either more wicked than we know so far or has fallen in love with Sherrie.
Something was already brewing up and was simply a trigger to that (as far as we know from the story so far).
Keep writing!

[john jasson]

"She always promised she would tell me everything, holding nothing back, and I trust her, so I never doubted it was true. At the same time I hadn’t seen her intimately naked since she denied me full intercourse, except for the occasion you have mentioned when she lifted her dress to show me “what she was giving him”, and the crazy night when I caught her coming home in her wet nappy. "
Well we all know now that she never told you everything.
And wtf? wet nappy?? How did I miss that???

Do we know she never told me everything??
Wet nappy discovery chapter is a little way down page 32.

[john jasson]

You did hint before that it was something you said and not something seismic that caused the cataclysm. Was it this utterly trivial thing that did it??
If it was, I seriously question the undying love you were supposed to feel for each other back then!
And with 2 years (I think?) still to go of the Geoff 'phase' I fear what her choice then was.

Our undying love was absolutely real. Her 100% pure perception of our mutual devotion was the catalyst for her devastation when I greeted her in that way. She came on the phone elated and hung up a couple of minutes later devastated. I don’t believe it was utterly trivial, and neither did she. Remember, she had been on a massive journey carrying the hopes of both of us, and she’d done really well. Yes, it was simply thoughtless of me. It wasn’t seismic in a general sense, perhaps, but I’d no right to treat her that way. It was a terrible, and totally uncharacteristic thing to do, and I knew it immediately.

You have ultimately proved your undying love was real, I can only apologise for the fact that her (to me) completely unreasonable response to your thoughtless (ok, not trivial) remark led me to the conclusion I reached.
I look forward with trepidation to how things developed following this.

I guess we all have different trigger points. No apology necessary. There's no right and wrong ways to do these things.

[john jasson]

I have to agree with Johng1953 on this one:
She returned all excited about the business deal and the first thing you said was crass and deflating but nothing awful.
You had a bad day yourself and under normal circumstances, she should also have taken that onboard. And after a day or so of grumbling with each other, would have had make up sex and all forgotten.
But Geoff sticks his wedge in - a neutral Dom who just does it as play, wouldn’t do that.
This is why I think Geoff is either more wicked than we know so far or has fallen in love with Sherrie.
Something was already brewing up and was simply a trigger to that (as far as we know from the story so far).
Keep writing!

I agree to the extent that something appears to have been brewing that quite unknown to both of us was becoming more stressful to keep in the pot.

[john jasson]

S: He’s told me I have to make my mind up what I want.

J: How do you mean?

She pauses for a long moment, then she turns back to me and delivers the answer flatly, with dead eyes that are still red and full of tears:

S: Between you and him.

xxxx

J: Shit. Really? And what did you say?

She falls to the sofa, closes her eyes and emits a huge sigh. At least she seems a little less belligerent than she was earlier, but she’s trying to speak between bouts of sobbing.

S: I was shocked stupid with my mouth open, of course. I said that me and him full time was never an option I’d even considered. Safe to say he didn’t appreciate that one bit. I think he must have misread the signals after I’d spilled my guts to him more than was wise last night, and he’d comforted me in his own way when I went over there. Not conventional comforting, obviously, but he controlled everything so well, and we had a time like no other. I was all at sea, but somehow he made me feel that falling out with you wasn’t so important in my life after all. Then he made me submit every last bit of myself to his will just the way I needed to, and forget all my troubles for a while. I told him how grateful I was, and that was very sincere and emotional on my side. I don’t know, I suppose he must have interpreted my emotional dependency on him in the trauma as some major turning point. But now he’s just virtually thrown me out of his bed and frogmarched me to the door while I was trying to put my clothes on. Told me to fuck off back to my stupid oblivious husband then, so I have, hoping to God I wasn’t over the drink drive limit, but actually knowing I was well over.

She buries her head in the corner of the sofa, crying so bitterly that she can scarcely breathe.

S: First my life’s love cuts me dead, now my Master. God, everything in my life is falling apart!

She gasps for air again before launching into another bout of sobbing. She seems to be venting to herself rather than addressing me now. I’m horrified at the thought of what she might have said to him about our stupid row as she “spilled her guts”. It was always us doing the Geoff thing in solidarity; our game just like everything’s always been. Us against the world. I hadn’t ever envisaged a Sherrie and Geoff alliance against me, but I know I can’t rebuke her over Wednesday night, or ask her for details about it. She might even think I’m getting off sexually on her pain, it occurs to me. That would be suicide. Despite the very sparse traffic around here, I’m horrified too that she’s driven home drunk. Most of the time when she’s with him, he enforces her sobriety, but now and then he seems to enjoy getting her drunk, just because he can for a power trip, I suppose. Despite all of this crap, and the horrific revelations, I’m still over the moon that she’s home. If we’re together then maybe we can sort this mess. We’ve always said we can face anything together so now’s the time to prove it.

J: Come here.

Her pain is raw. Her suffering obvious, and the only thing I can do is try to comfort her. She’s very hesitant, but at length she drags herself up to sitting, and shuffles along the cushion into me. She is clearly grieving for this relationship and is in greater distress than I would ever expect over him, but no doubt the emotion of the stupid past two days between us and the fatigue of the America trip is weighing on her too. She was unhappy with me when she left the house to begin with, but it shocks me rigid that she is so cut up over Geoff. I suppose it shouldn’t shock me after all they’ve been doing for so long. She spends a lot of time being intimate with him, including much of her non-working time when I’m away, her beautiful body and complex, brilliant mind laid bare in every sense for him to toy with in any way he chooses. I know her defences are totally down in his presence. Of course they are. He’s her Master, and she craves the pinnacle of her surrender to him like a junkie. Has my total faith that we are strong enough to withstand this crazy adventure been blind?

S: I have to sleep alone tonight. I need space.

It might be yet more denial, but it’s not hot. It’s not erotic. I make the most of her allowing me to hold her, then a few minutes later I feel unfamiliarly helpless as she wriggles free and walks away to the spare room. I want to take my sweetheart to bed just to cuddle her and dry her tears, never mind about sex, but nothing like that is on her mind. Despite my turmoil I lie alone in bed wondering if he’s had her tonight before they fell out. I assume she got welcome home and comfort sex from him the night before as she told him about how badly I treated her when she called me, but I could be wrong. Did he comfort her only by making her submit to unparalleled indignities which she loves equally? Then again, what the hell did he say to make falling out with me seem like no big deal to her? Was his penis inside her, stretching her wide in the fashion she’s now been used to for four years, and even filling her vagina with his semen as he spoke the poisonous words? Does she have his jizz flying around in her bloodstream and her brain while she’s hating me? It’s all excruciating to ponder but I can’t stop. It’s another very painful night, and for once I definitely don’t have an erection. Just an aching heart for my dear love.

I tell her to stay away from the office at breakfast on Friday because, frankly, she’s in no fit state for work. It’s the start of a very heavy weekend for us too. Few words. No normal bouncy happy Sherrie. Lots of raw crying fills our house – a sound it’s never heard before, at least not since we’ve been living here. That she is so upset over this is a major, major blow to me. It’s looking like I’ve had my eye off the ball big time here. I’m trying my damnedest to reach her, but she has raised an impenetrable barrier to me. She hasn’t returned to our bed. She seems to want to be alone all of the time and speaks in monosyllables if at all. It’s crystal clear that she has no intention of leaning on me for support as she always would instinctively without thinking about it over any problem in the past. Why not? Was my transgression really so terminal? Or is something else in play, following him so summarily dismissing her from his life, that’s even more ominous for us?

This has all come to a head at a bad time for the business too. In recent months, our debts have stopped shrinking and are threatening to spiral upward again. We’ve had to reschedule with the bank, and also had to lose a couple of our valued staff. Without going into detail we’re pretty cut up about it all because they’ve become friends as well as employees, not to mention their importance to the future development of the company. Out of the blue to make matters worse, while Sherrie was in the US trying to bolster our prospects for the long term, we’ve lost one of our most lucrative clients at home through no fault of our own. It’s generally a shitty, shitty time, and I hope it isn’t driving this bad karma for things between Sherrie and me too. Routinely I do try to shield her from the commercial aspects to a degree, so that she can focus her mind on the science, but obviously she’s no fool and she’s across the financials. I would hate to lose the business along with all that we’ve worked for and probably, in extremis, the house which the bank has security over, but losing my woman, my beautiful, inspirational Sher, the other half of me, no less, would literally end my life. I wonder if the wider problematic circumstances are affecting her more severely than I knew, then the idiotic phone call that she has every right to be angry about, and the Geoff bust up on top is the final straw for her.

On the Sunday I persuade her that we should take a walk in the hills that we love and are so lucky to have virtually on our doorstep. It’s a regular reinvigorating pleasure for us after a hard week’s work. She makes some sandwiches to take with us as per routine, and I think maybe I’m making progress, but it’s a false dawn. We complete fifteen miles on one of our favourite circular trails framed by the outstanding natural scenic beauty, but it’s clear that she’s only going through the motions. Normally she would be almost skipping along by my side, pointing out animals and birds, and we’d be chatting and laughing, hand in hand. That’s how I always picture us on our walks, even like only three weeks ago just before she travelled. We had everything so right - hotwife, happy woman, I always used to think as I savoured her infectious joy of living. This time it’s like being with a different person. It’s a warm sunny day, but Sherrie has a one woman rain cloud floating above her head throughout the expedition. I’m talking, but I’m getting next to nothing back. She’s preoccupied and it’s like something exceptionally special suddenly died between us. I’m aghast at the way her outlook seems to have turned on a penny in no time. In the evening she has her nose in a science book, but I know very well she isn’t reading it. She’s using it as a prop so that I won’t try to get through to her again for the umpteenth time.

Again on Monday I leave her in bed with a cup of tea and go to the office alone. I have to be patient and give her space, I realise. She’s having a bad, bad time. By that evening, things take another turn for the worse. She hasn’t cooked when I arrive home, and we’re eating something abominable out of the microwave. Well, we’re pecking at it.

J: I’m so sorry you’re hurting, sweetheart. Do you want to go to him?

She immediately launches into heavy sobbing and looks at me like I’m a complete moron. As though I’ve spoken out of turn and said something ridiculous - again. Maybe I have. Her face sums up her contempt.

S: Yes. Of COURSE I do! But what would that say to him? I don’t want to live with Geoff, but I’m really sorry for him. I don’t want to hurt him any more than I have already. He’s been tremendous for me for nearly four years. He’s taken me to so many crazy highs, and he took a flabby weak girl and moulded the athletic sportswoman you see here. I’m so grateful to him. He’s a wonderful Master to me, and then he dried the tears that you caused me. Made me forget about everything.

She doesn’t want to live with him? Well it’s something, but it’s damning with faint praise our wonderful idyllic relationship that we had until less than a week ago. The very mention of her living with him leaves me breathless. I don’t even engage on that.

J: You’ve never been flabby or weak in your life!

S: You know what I mean! My mind’s all over the place, and you’re not helping by probing it all the time.

J: Look, you need to start to do normal things. Get our lives together again, and think about the business. The new opportunities from your trip and the looming problems.

That just seems to goad her and inflame her temper again. She places her hands on her temples as though to keep her head from exploding, and literally screams at me:

S: Don’t tell me what I need to do. Don’t tell me what to think. Just…. Fucking don’t! You have no idea how this feels. It was something so special that I had just for me and now it’s gone…….

It seems like she wants to say more but the words have either failed her or she’s censored them. Her sobbing wells up a notch now. She’s shutting me out, and she isn’t relenting. The eyes flash through her tears. I see that cold, harsh look on her face, and I know beyond any doubt that this is real. She certainly isn’t using it to push any buttons now. It’s there in anger, and she’s taking her grief over her lost lover out on me. We’ve been sitting at the table but as the exchange becomes ever more strident we are now standing and appear to be squaring up aggressively to each other. I try to adopt a softer, conciliatory tone to calm things down.

J: I’m only trying to help you through this, as I always would.

She laughs almost hysterically:

S: Help?! You think I want your help? You got me into this fucking situation. In fact, I’ve done a lot of thinking today sitting here.

J: And?

S: And I’ve decided I want you to move out. Just for a while so I can process things.

I can’t believe what I’m hearing. Sorry. This is going too far now, and I feel my own anger building. All of this shit is of both our making. Joint enterprise.

J: That’s ridiculous. I’m going nowhere. We have a business to run together. So you’ve lost your big cocked playmate. You need to pull yourself together, woman. We played a game. The game’s apparently over. Shit happens.

I suppose that’s a bit unsympathetic, but I’ve tried sympathy in shedloads for four days and got precisely nowhere as I absorbed her considerable ire. Now I’m feeling the provocation, and I’m giving her some back.

S: Well if you won’t go, I’ll go. Tomorrow. You’ll have to run the business as best you can for now.

This is devastating. Her words shock me to the core. It’s like she picked up some anti-John virus while she was travelling and there’s no cure. I struggle to reply.

J: I don’t understand how we came to this in no time at all. Just over two weeks ago before you went away we shared one of the most romantic dinners we’ve ever had and everything was perfect. It’s totally ludicrous. One ill-advised sentence over the phone can lead to all of this bollocks? Really? What the fuck?

We’re in a stand-off trading verbals at the tops of our voices, our noses about 6 inches apart now. She gives me an awful hateful look that I can still see now decades later when I close my eyes.

S(barking at me in a deranged sarcastic tone I’ve never heard): Well, like you said, John, shit happens. And it’s happened to us. Welcome to shit. Welcome to my shit fucking world.

J: For fuck’s sake. Cut the drama, and don’t be such a child. So you’ve been dumped by your arsehole part time lover. What a fucking pity!

S: Don’t call him an arsehole!!

J: Of course he’s a fucking arsehole! Just grow up, will you.

I have the bit between my teeth now:

J: Fuck off, whoever you are and send the real Sherrie back to me. The one that has a functioning brain! When I think of all I’ve put up with.

Her eyes grow wide:

S) What the hell do you mean? All you’ve put up with?

J) All of your fucking shit with that arsehole for the past 4 years! What do you think?

I’m aghast at the words I hear myself shouting at her. I’ve done it again. Put my foot in my mouth and said something ridiculous, and in anger this time. I truly didn’t set out to do it, but I’ve hemmed myself into a verbal cul-de-sac and come out with crap I don’t even mean. Given the history, what the actual fuck am I talking about? We’re obviously not very good at this falling out thing. We know no boundaries, seem to have no filter in our impromptu aggression, and it’s probably because we’ve had so very little practice. She abruptly takes a step back and slaps me hard across the face. She has quite some strength in those swimmer’s arm muscles, and I didn’t see it coming.

S) Just fuck right off! You virtually chased me to his bed, blowing me a kiss with one hand and wanking with the other! Don’t you dare put it all on me!

Well that’s me told, but by now my cheek is smarting, the red mist has descended, and I’m in no mood to back down. It occurs to me that apart from erotic spankings and play wrestling, this is the very first violence in our entire relationship. I shouldn’t rise to it, but in the heat of the moment, a split second after she hits me, I respond in kind, slapping her across her face too, just a little bit harder than she hit me.

J: Just one word. Damien. You never needed my encouragement to drop your knickers, Madam. See a man who looks aggressive alpha, and you make it crystal clear to him you’re gagging for it! Instant fucking tart alert written all over your face! And your nipples!

We look at each other in shock at what we’ve said and especially at what we’ve done. Neither of us appears to want to address it in words. Should I reach out and hug her tightly to me? Could I turn the violent outburst into the opposite high passion? The old movies say yes. Her face says no, but I think we jointly realise at least that we’re standing in a hole and it’s time to stop digging. The sobbing has stopped during the row, but she’s breathing hard, her breast heaving with anger and emotion. I change the subject slightly:

J: Where will you go? How long for?

I realise my lip is bleeding where her fingernail caught it, and I feel it running down my chin. I put a finger to it, look at the blood, then we both ignore the fact.

S: I’ll go home to Mum’s. Just try to get my head together. I don’t know how long.

At least the decibels have come down a notch or two.

J: I really don’t understand this. It’s so alien to us.

But then the decibels rise again:

S: Well that’s no surprise to me whatsoever. You wouldn’t! You’re in your own fucking world as per usual. You are right though. You don’t even begin to understand.

MY own world? I always believed I was with her in OUR own world.

J: So make me understand then. Tell me exactly what’s going through your mind.

S: Can’t you see? It’s so fundamental. I don’t know who I am anymore. Can you understand that much? Am I this 21st century ready, strong, free, assertive woman I’ve been in the past? Or was I just winging it all my life? Am I actually this submissive dependent little female desperate for some macho caveman to dominate her and have his way with her at his every convenience like you just accused me of being? I thought I knew the answer without doubt until the macho caveman dumped me last week. While I had both polar opposites in my life it wasn’t an issue I needed to settle. I could enjoy both. Now I’m face to face with losing the little submissive woman side of me, and I’m in total shock at how much it’s affecting me. I thought it was just a sado-masochistic sex fetish I was having fun with, but it runs through me much deeper. I think he really brought that home to me last week after you being such a shit to me when I got back from America. Things he did and said to me that night really played with my head and made me confront things I never considered before. I fell totally into the role without thinking of you as my safety net for the very first time. It was actually scary the things I got to thinking. So since he threw me out, it feels like I lost a big part of who I am. A part that I now know I need badly, and not just sexually. It’s devastating; ripping me apart. So obviously it follows that I’m not who I thought I was. Perhaps Geoff was right about me from the start. Or like you just said, I’m ready to open my legs for any alpha stud who happens to point his dick at me. Maybe I’m really the sort of woman I’ve always despised and I’ve been denying my true nature all these years, like the night with Damien way back. Maybe the Sherrie you loved isn’t really me. Maybe your Sherrie doesn’t even exist, and on top of all that you’ve been a total arsehole to me so why should I fight for her? Does that give you at least a taste of my shattered mind right now? Of what I’m trying to make sense of? I’m sitting all alone crying on a heap of rubble that used to be Sherrie Jasson, and I have nobody I can trust to turn to for help!

I don’t have an answer to that, and since she’s heading out of the room, she’s clearly not wanting or expecting one. I could shout after her that it’s all bollocks, and I don’t mean one stupid fucking word of what I just said to her in temper, but that’s not going to improve the dialogue now. Whatever I might say wouldn’t be any kind of intelligent analysis to match the one she’s just given me either. It strikes me that the one Sherrie like characteristic of her rationale is how profoundly her incisive mind has deconstructed this whole crisis. Clearly she is genuinely spending a lot of time agonising over her conclusions. By far the worst aspect is she thinks she has nobody she can trust.

She spends one more night in the spare bed, and on the Tuesday morning before I leave for the office, she’s away with a suitcase. I hug her in the hall which she tolerates, but she moves to avoid my attempted kiss then firmly pushes me away - again. I am really not at all popular, and she hisses quietly through gritted teeth.

S: Just – let – me - go! It’s easier.

This isn’t going to heal quickly is it?

J: Take care, sweetheart. I’ll worry until you’re back with me.

S: Don’t make it worse with too late kind words that aren’t from your heart.

J: Of course the words are from my heart? I uttered one careless sentence on the phone and a load of angry shit last night. Does that negate all of the love from all of the years? You’re not thinking straight, Sherrie!

S: Look. I’ll be OK. You need to know that I spoke to the bank yesterday. I’m opening my own account. I want my own money separate to the joint account. I need to breathe my own air. The forms will come while I’m away. You could send them on to me if you want to help.

J: Why would you do that? If the bank gets wind there are problems between us, they might think about pulling the rug from under the business.

I’m trying to be sensible, practical, but I don’t feel like being. I’m being bowled over by the tide of negative emotion pouring out of her while fighting to contain similar feelings of my own, fired up by the injustice of it all. The black demons flowing from her now seem proportional in magnitude to our massive love. Like there is an equation based on some scientific law of nature that when something wonderful turns, it flips into something equally dark as it used to be light.

S (trembling): Look, John. The way my head is now, I don’t care about that. I just want some distance. Geoff has dumped me, so I have distance there whether I like it or not. Now I’m making distance from you too. OK? You made me feel completely worthless when I got home last week. It doesn’t matter it was just one sentence. I needed you like I always needed you, and you rejected me. I never expected that rejection from you in a lifetime. You can’t ever know how shocking it was to me. So I’m over it. I needed you far too much, but I don’t need you now. I need to see to my own life and try to sort out what I want from the ruins. If you say I can run my own sex life as a married woman, I can surely run my own fucking bank account too. I suddenly remembered I’m an individual. You don’t need to like it. You don’t own me. I’m me from now on, not just a part of us. Got it?

J: Of course I don’t own you. I love you. This is monstrously unfair. You’ve always done whatever you like financially and in every other way. You have unconditional love AND total freedom. We’ve always been proud of our joint finances and that we’ve never argued over money unlike most couples. Have I ever tried to stop you spending money?

S: Yes! When I arrived home longing only to hear your loving voice and instead you ripped into me about the cost of making the phone call 90 seconds too fucking early! You see? You don’t even realise what you did and how we got here!

I shrink into my shell at the harsh truth of that. I’ve said the wrong thing yet again and made her angrier still. I’ve clearly discovered a talent for it.

S: Anyway, I don’t want to hear it. I’m not arguing about it, I’m doing it. I’ve decided. I have a lot of decisions to make, and I need to make them far away without your influence. You can think whatever you like, but you’re not going to be a part of the process. Right now what you think is the least of my worries. You opened my eyes with that one cruel sentence when I got home from America. Oh, you’ll never understand how wide you opened them. My priority now is me. Just fuck you!

And she’s heading for the door. I’ve always known she’s formidable with words, but I’ve never gone up against her in such verbal combat before. She’s always been in my corner. If I were a boxer I’d be knocked out for the count lying on the canvas.

S: Don’t contact me. I’ll be in touch when I’m ready.

J: Let me know you’ve arrived safely at least!

She hesitates like she’s going to let fly with another stream of invective, but then she thinks better of it.

S: OK.

And she’s gone. I’m beside myself with grief, of course. Crushed, in fact, but I’m bloody annoyed with her as well as upset. She’s being weak in the face of life’s problems, and she’s never weak. Later I start to worry in another direction. This meltdown in the space of a week is so unlike her, and it’s all so alien to our loving relationship. Is losing her lover and master so unexpectedly triggering some kind of serious mental breakdown? Or has she really just had enough of me? Can you destroy the solid bond of twelve years of the most loving brand of happiness imaginable in four days? Is that actually possible? It looks as though the two of us might be testing the theory.

[Johng1953]

"She always promised she would tell me everything, holding nothing back, and I trust her, so I never doubted it was true. At the same time I hadn’t seen her intimately naked since she denied me full intercourse, except for the occasion you have mentioned when she lifted her dress to show me “what she was giving him”, and the crazy night when I caught her coming home in her wet nappy. "
Well we all know now that she never told you everything.
And wtf? wet nappy?? How did I miss that???

Do we know she never told me everything??
Wet nappy discovery chapter is a little way down page 32.

Thank you.
As for not telling you everything, she didn't tell you about the piss games until you caught her out and she refused to tell you her forfeit. There's undoubtedly more.

[Build2last]

And let the speculation begin.

I know you won't agree with me, but I think she's clearly lost her mind at this point. The drama that's been inflicted is far beyond what started the whole thing. She see's you as pathetic and weak for encouraging her with Geoff, and she can't reconcile herself as a total submissive full time partner with him.

Personally I don't think she loves you at all at this point in time. And I definitely don't think you know who she is anymore.

This type of drama is something I couldn't, and wouldn't put up with. In fact drama of any type in a relationship kills it for me. It's why I never remarried, and never will.

That aside, I think that you both will go through a period of mourning. You for your wife, and her for who she was. Once that's done you will have to see if you like what she has become enough to stay with her. And yes I know you did, but I'm having fun with my own speculation.

I also have a feeling that she won't be at her mother's for long, and will inform you that she is with Geoff, or you will find out from others that she is.

I truly don't know how you survived as a couple, and hope you keep going long enough for us to find out.

As always, keep up the good work.

Now I can sit back and wait for everyone else's take on this great life story. Obviously this is a serious description, but you have created a thread that is very entertaining in the comments more than most.

[Johng1953]

How you came back from this I can't begin to imagine.
I hope you didn't just spend the next 18 months or so apart while Sherrie came to her senses (she's the one who's gone bat shit crazy after all) and you were left alone and lonely at home.

[Tracey52]

What a mind fuck. Holly cow. I never thought it would be as bad as this. She walked out. It wasn’t one sentence but four years in the making. You started to lose her the moment you let her go to Geoff and gave her the freedom to act as a single girl. While you don’t own her there are responsibilities and obligations when your a couple and you both allowed those to be forgotten John. Consequences of both your actions. In hind sight it seems obvious that her duel persona had to be reconciled at some point. A bit like you said the two sides of the equation which have become unbalanced needed be solved. You should have seen this coming. Sherrie was in too deep and obviously avoiding confronting the problem until now.

At this point you have lost her. How you found each other again will be fascinating to read. What the new Sherrie will be like will also be interesting to find out about. I don’t think your life forward together will be like it was before.

Thanks for posting this chapter so quickly. The waiting is it’s own torture.

[Trickydicky69]

Yep, something has been happening in the background that you’re unaware of, maybe even Geoff is too.
An internal conflict which she has kept hidden and acted out the Sherrie you know, partly to keep you happy but also to try to convince herself.
At this point, it’s hard to be sympathetic to her - she’s been harshly cruel and belittling of you and simply talking bollocks blaming you.
I also would have told her some home truths which later on she might accept have some merit.
Classic guilt complex attributing the blame on others.
She’s simply let everything go too far.
And at the moment, I’m feeling my supposition of a mental breakdown is looking likely.
And although it is likely she’ll try returning to Geoff, either he’ll hold true to keeping her away or after going back to him, it won’t be the same and won’t make her happy.
Then she’ll return to John. But how could he trust her again??
It is telling that she doesn’t even care about the business anymore.

[PaNic]

Oh shit!

That must have been a hellish turmoil to live through. So much resentment boiling up out of nowhere, and your attempts to show love and concern being angrily rejected with no hint that repair is possible, what a nightmare!

I had thought your descriptions up to now of such a pure unsullied mutual romance between you felt a bit unreal. Surely every relationship has its faults, niggles, petty grievances etc. But that must have made this abrupt negation of your love even more shattering. It’s shocking just to read it! I’m feeling for you

[Trickydicky69]

I agree with some of the statements both from readers but also from Sherrie.
Who is she now? Or rather, who has she always been? And who will she be in the future?
Will John love the true/future Sherrie? (Yes, we know!).

And will she apologise to John for all this crap and unfair invective? I think she has to: to get back together, both as a whole person again and with John, she must accept responsibility otherwise she’s stuck in denial (which probably is what has happened in her mind).

As someone who analyses everything for a reason, is the deep down problem that Sherrie struggles with, is that she’s wired to be masochistic? There isn’t a reason for her wiring, it is what it is. Which she cannot accept. Does she think that if she dives to the bottomless pit, she’ll eventually find the answer? But there isn’t an answer.

One thing I missed in my first read of the latest instalment is that little phrase about how nice Geoff has been drying her tears and explaining what a shit John has been to her…

Right there, that exposes Geoff as a shit. He has been manipulating her, probably for a long time without her realising it. As far as we can tell, John has looked after Sherrie to the hilt and something evil has wormed into her mind.

As John dropped in, he thought she told him everything but she “has kept something special just for herself” so doesn’t that suggest she has kept things back? Maybe small things, probably subtle manipulations from Geoff which are between them. Eating away at her identity.

[Build2last]

I agree with some of the statements both from readers but also from Sherrie.
Who is she now? Or rather, who has she always been? And who will she be in the future?
Will John love the true/future Sherrie? (Yes, we know!).

And will she apologise to John for all this crap and unfair invective? I think she has to: to get back together, both as a whole person again and with John, she must accept responsibility otherwise she’s stuck in denial (which probably is what has happened in her mind).

As someone who analyses everything for a reason, is the deep down problem that Sherrie struggles with, is that she’s wired to be masochistic? There isn’t a reason for her wiring, it is what it is. Which she cannot accept. Does she think that if she dives to the bottomless pit, she’ll eventually find the answer? But there isn’t an answer.

One thing I missed in my first read of the latest instalment is that little phrase about how nice Geoff has been drying her tears and explaining what a shit John has been to her…

Right there, that exposes Geoff as a shit. He has been manipulating her, probably for a long time without her realising it. As far as we can tell, John has looked after Sherrie to the hilt and something evil has wormed into her mind.

As John dropped in, he thought she told him everything but she “has kept something special just for herself” so doesn’t that suggest she has kept things back? Maybe small things, probably subtle manipulations from Geoff which are between them. Eating away at her identity.

Yep. It's almost guaranteed to how the story will go from here. If it doesn't follow the script from the cheaters guide book, I'll be pleasantly surprised. She will most definitely work on every relationship she has except the one she has with John. She is showing all the classic signs. The only thing that remains is what level of respect John will demand to take her back, and sadly I can't help but feel that he might just accept the doormat cuckold role completely in the end. Personally I would make her crawl across a field of broken glass and restore balance before I even begin to think about accepting her. But through this whole thing John has caved to everything she has demanded, so I have little hope for it.