My story

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SSQ
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Re: My story

Unread post by SSQ » Tue Mar 24, 2015 9:32 pm

Hey everyone. So I'm still here, kind of. I haven't really been reading but thanks to the people who've been kind enough to reach out to me via PM. I've been a little slow with replies lately but I'll get to it. I'm still here, or you know where to find me. I'm not going to totally disappear.

Henry is out of the hospital. Still having some health issues, but he's not in an acute state which is great! I'm hoping to see him Easter weekend; unfortunately life stuff on both ends has kept us apart for a little while.

I've met someone new who seems pretty cool; also a male submissive and looking for a long term female led relationship. I'm not sure I can really handle having another relationship on my plate right now; sometimes I don't even feel like I have enough for Jennifer and Henry right now. But I like this guy (I'll call him Erik) and you can't exactly put people back on a shelf like a toy until you're ready to play with them, so I figure I'll dip my toes in and see if I can handle it. He knows my backstory, so it won't be a surprise if I'm too overloaded and we either do just friends or something casual. We are going to a party this weekend, so it should be fun.

I'm just tired and having more bad days than good, emotionally. I really need a break where I can just relax and not worry about anything, but under the circumstances that isn't possible right now. I've been feeling kind of wrung out.
It's all fun until someone gets hurt... and then it's more fun! :whip:

https://thehappyhotwife.blogspot.com/

alan137
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Re: My story

Unread post by alan137 » Tue Mar 24, 2015 10:06 pm

Hi SSQ,

I read the first part of your posts quite a while ago and haven't had the time to return until now. I skipped to the end because I saw on your blog that your were going though some turmoil. I wish you well and will go back and re-read your posts.

Alan

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Re: My story

Unread post by viking43 » Wed Mar 25, 2015 12:05 am

Hi SSQ, I hope things will start moving your way soon, and you will find the right partner in life.
I know you and I have different views on some things, but I admire your honesty, and I think you are a good person. I wish you all the best.
Vi43

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Re: My story

Unread post by SSQ » Mon Apr 06, 2015 10:08 pm

Thanks for the kind thoughts. I decided there was not enough chemistry with Erik but friends are always welcome. And no, the friend zone isn't such a terrible place if one actually means to be friends, I think.

I'm in bed with Henry right now, he's been here all weekend and it's been good. I also saw A last night- one of my very first partners from 2012. We still see each other occasionally and it's a nice respectful FWB relationship which works just fine.

I've decided that since I have to start from ground zero again, I'm not going to date vanilla. I was willing to accept it because I loved StbxH and we had so much history together... But this time, I want a cuckold. Not a weak sissy boy; a strong capable man who wants to treat me like his Princess and to make me happy. I've already gotten a few emails but I don't know what I am ready for yet. But, I know what I need and I know what I want, and that will make it a lot easier to find.
It's all fun until someone gets hurt... and then it's more fun! :whip:

https://thehappyhotwife.blogspot.com/

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Re: My story

Unread post by Samanthasman » Tue Apr 07, 2015 12:49 am

SSQ wrote:Thanks for the kind thoughts. I decided there was not enough chemistry with Erik but friends are always welcome. And no, the friend zone isn't such a terrible place if one actually means to be friends, I think.

I'm in bed with Henry right now, he's been here all weekend and it's been good. I also saw A last night- one of my very first partners from 2012. We still see each other occasionally and it's a nice respectful FWB relationship which works just fine.

I've decided that since I have to start from ground zero again, I'm not going to date vanilla. I was willing to accept it because I loved StbxH and we had so much history together... But this time, I want a cuckold. Not a weak sissy boy; a strong capable man who wants to treat me like his Princess and to make me happy. I've already gotten a few emails but I don't know what I am ready for yet. But, I know what I need and I know what I want, and that will make it a lot easier to find.
You are the unicorn - the rarest of rare. A million men will want you.

There are many handsome, powerful, strong, successful and emotionally capable men that would secretly love to be your cuck...
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SSQ
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Re: My story

Unread post by SSQ » Fri Apr 24, 2015 10:06 am

So, I'm still here off and on.

Sam'sman, perhaps, but remember that I want to be wanted for myself, too- not just as a Dominant woman/cuckoldress. I suppose it's the same idea since I am planning to seek submissive men only though. But that's just one ingredient on the list :) I find that men are more likely to objectify women based around their desires though, than women are. I mean, I want to date submissive men. But when I meet one, I don't Dominate him without his consent and having actively negotiated such (and I don't mean just asking if he wants me to, I mean a nice long chat about what that means and what we both enjoy and triggers etc). But submissive men approaching me use titles that I don't want, or basically treat me like a fantasy object, and I don't like that.

Henry and I are going to a Master/slave conference in a couple of weeks, and I think that will help us add some more framework to our relationship. I love protocol, but I've been moving slowly with him because he's never really had protocol in a D/s relationship and so I wanted to focus on solidifying what we have and building trust before adding in the bells and whistles.

Jennifer and I had a date on the weekend and it was awesome. She and I hadn't been able to get together for a while because of life stress on both sides, and we were really missing some physical reconnection. We did a little play and a little sex and it was so, so good :) I've missed my pretty girl. Texting her every day is awesome, but not the same as listening to her moan and watching her squirt all over me.
It's all fun until someone gets hurt... and then it's more fun! :whip:

https://thehappyhotwife.blogspot.com/

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Re: My story

Unread post by SSQ » Thu May 14, 2015 5:04 pm

Henry moved to my city earlier this month. LD relationships suck and we wanted to be together more often. So far, so good. It's been really awesome to have him around more. I'm remembering things that I had forgotten about love and relationships. Amazing how you can get stuck in a box and not even realize it.

Our D/s relationship is continuing to develop as well. I still have a lot of stress and legal issues going on with stbxH, but I have some happiness in my life as well, and that helps keep me going.
It's all fun until someone gets hurt... and then it's more fun! :whip:

https://thehappyhotwife.blogspot.com/

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Re: My story

Unread post by Nice Smile » Fri May 15, 2015 4:56 am

SSQ what is protocol and how does protocol evolve into the higher/different/other aspects that you seek?
Nice Smile, Chicago

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Re: My story

Unread post by SSQ » Fri May 15, 2015 5:12 am

Protocol is basically rules or rituals that we choose to engage in which are part of a conscious decision to support our D/s dynamic.

For example, if I asked a friend to get me a beer, she might just grab one and toss it to me and we don't pay attention to it- it's just a beer. But when I tell my submissive to get me a beer, he fetches it, carries it in two hands, and makes eye contact with me while he mindfully offers the beer, until I choose to accept it. It becomes a moment where we are acknowledging that this relationship style is our choice, the way we want to run our lives. We reinforce our dynamic in so many little ways by using protocol.

Some D/s couples like protocol and some don't. I really enjoy it, myself. While it doesn't get me wet, I find it very mentally arousing to have my partner showing me that he is choosing to submit his will to mine and that he wants to please me. It feels so right for both of us.

So protocol tends to lead to more formal recognition of structure, which takes the relationship deeper and to more intimacy. Right now we are in the process of negotiating a formal D/s contract, which I have done before but it's different from the way it was with my ex boyfriend John because this one has the more intense emotional ties that I need to really get into the mental aspects of Domination.

I wrote an interesting blog post the other night on service submission, which might give you more of an insight into how protocol and ritual can affect a relationship. Please feel free to share your thoughts.
It's all fun until someone gets hurt... and then it's more fun! :whip:

https://thehappyhotwife.blogspot.com/

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SSQ
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Re: My story

Unread post by SSQ » Sun Jun 07, 2015 4:09 pm

Lately, my life has more drama than a Shakespearean sonnet. Honestly, I'm starting to believe you don't really know someone until you get divorced. Either that, or I'll have to start believing in alien abductions. I just keep reminding myself that I have to survive for now, and one day this will be over.

It's interesting to think about situations that would only occur in a poly situation, though. I did some thinking about it a couple of weeks ago when Henry and I took kiddo on a little road trip and it started triggering some sad feelings and memories about all the times I used to do those things with stbxH. I mean, if I was mono, I'd never be in a relationship that I'd label serious (whatever the fuck that means, since screw the relationship escalator) this soon after things ended with stbxH. I mean, I'm not even divorced yet, and I'm coming up on my anniversary with Henry. I don't know how I'd be surviving without him to support me and give me back all those pieces of my self esteem... but I also know (and he knows) that I'm not healed yet. Not only is there still drama going on, but I am still grieving my loss. I mean, I don't want stbxH back given the way he is now, but we had fourteen years together. Him morphing into someone new doesn't negate all the good times we had together, and there were a lot of them.

So having Henry around has been really good, but it's hard to manage my feelings sometimes because I wouldn't be in this position unless I was poly. I mean, there is NO way I am ready for a brand new serious relationship now. I'd never start dating new people because I've got too much baggage. Honestly, I even asked Henry why he's still here, because I'd break up with me to get away from all this drama if I could. He just holds me and reminds me that he loves me, that everyone has baggage and at least mine is out in the open so it's easier to deal with. I am so lucky to have him in my life.

The trip we went on was pretty awesome. I wrote about it in my blog if anyone's curious, along with some other kinky escapades we've been getting up to lately.

I haven't seen Jennifer in a while, although we talk every day. Her life has been crazy and full too, to the point of insanity. She is currently working three jobs, one of them full time, and can't quit any for the time being. I miss her very much, but I know that it's out of her control. And we're not giving up on each other. She's my best friend, except that when we actually see each other, we get to play and fuck too. What could be better? :)

I just keep reminding myself one day at a time. 2015 hasn't been sunshine and roses, but it has its moments. I'll get through this and one day I'll be happy again.
It's all fun until someone gets hurt... and then it's more fun! :whip:

https://thehappyhotwife.blogspot.com/

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dali_23
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Re: My story

Unread post by dali_23 » Sun Jun 07, 2015 5:16 pm

Thanks for the update, we are glad to know you're persevering. :) Good you have someone to lean on Henry, sounds like a great guy. And I appreciate your http://thehappyhotwife.blogspot.ca/
I'd rather have a broken heart than a heart of stone.



I don't mind other guys dancing with my girl
That's fine, I know them all pretty well

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Re: My story

Unread post by SSQ » Tue Jun 16, 2015 8:14 pm

Thanks, Dali. It's nice to know people are reading and I'm not writing just for myself.

I know I've talked here about fisting before... but for the first time I was the Top. I think it was one of the hottest experiences ever. I see why people have enjoyed doing it to me :)
It's all fun until someone gets hurt... and then it's more fun! :whip:

https://thehappyhotwife.blogspot.com/

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SSQ
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Re: My story

Unread post by SSQ » Mon Jun 22, 2015 6:09 pm

Last night I poured a year's worth of BDSM into one night. Holy fuck, it was good. And I needed that.

<- needs to find a masochist to play with more often.
It's all fun until someone gets hurt... and then it's more fun! :whip:

https://thehappyhotwife.blogspot.com/

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Samanthasman
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Re: My story

Unread post by Samanthasman » Mon Jun 22, 2015 8:27 pm

Fun fun fun...
Our threads:
Samantha Getting Started...

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dali_23
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Re: My story

Unread post by dali_23 » Tue Jun 23, 2015 12:48 pm

SSQ wrote:Last night I poured a year's worth of BDSM into one night. Holy fuck, it was good. And I needed that.

<- needs to find a masochist to play with more often.

"I wasn't really interested in anything sexual."?????? :???: :???: :???:

Gee whiz, I may sound really naive, but after reading the post, this remark caught me off balance. Sorry, this sounds pretty sexual to me. Is it like one of those things like Dahlia saying, we didn't have sex, I only gave him a BJ? :o :shock: :lol:

Signed,

Some Confused Vanilla Guy

PS glad you had some fun. :up:
I'd rather have a broken heart than a heart of stone.



I don't mind other guys dancing with my girl
That's fine, I know them all pretty well

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SSQ
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Re: My story

Unread post by SSQ » Tue Jun 23, 2015 1:25 pm

LOL Dali, think of it as my bdsm version of what heteronormative men consider sex to be. It's PIV and anything else is just foreplay or fooling around, right? I mean, look at the definition of virginity and how stupid that is.

So yes, the whole night was absolutely sexual for me. Did he even touch my pussy? No. And I didn't feel the need to have any orgasms? Nope. I was a pretty satisfied woman by the end of the night. Letting out my sadism was definitely a release that I needed.

Oh and nice to hear from you, Sam'sman. I haven't been reading much here lately but I'll have to look you up and see how things are going for you guys.
It's all fun until someone gets hurt... and then it's more fun! :whip:

https://thehappyhotwife.blogspot.com/

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Re: My story

Unread post by rs480 » Tue Jun 23, 2015 6:43 pm

S, I got nothin' other than I NEED to catch up on your blog! Love your updates!
:-)
Yes, I believe I'm losing my mind.

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Re: My story

Unread post by SSQ » Tue Jun 30, 2015 3:16 pm

Glad you're enjoying things, rs480! I like blog comments so I appreciated yours :) Nice to see someone who appreciates some of my tastes!

Henry and I have been having some really nice playtime lately, since we hadn't really seen each other in three weeks. He was my little bad boy and I punished him :) I'm not much for a punishment dynamic, but funishment is FUN for a reason :) And I think what was sexiest of all was telling him what I was going to do and drawing out the pre-play time and even though what I said I was going to do sounded awful, he just lay back and waited for me to do it. He was submitting to my will. So sexy.

And he never lost his erection through the whole play session, which was an incredible turn on. He told me afterwards that he loves the way we play. I do, too. He's said some pretty awesome things lately. I think I liked best when he told me that our demons play well together. Then he said mine were personal assistants to the Devil. I took that as quite the compliment :)
It's all fun until someone gets hurt... and then it's more fun! :whip:

https://thehappyhotwife.blogspot.com/

rs480
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Re: My story

Unread post by rs480 » Tue Jun 30, 2015 6:22 pm

The whole play session?
You rock!
He rocks too! Pun not intended.
Yes, I believe I'm losing my mind.

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Re: My story

Unread post by SSQ » Tue Jul 07, 2015 6:40 pm

You know, sometimes the swings in my life are pretty big. The lows are amazingly low, but I know that will end eventually. The highs are pretty amazing, too. I feel so lucky to have such wonderful people in my life.

Henry and I have had some pretty awesome playtime lately. What we have together is turning into a primary relationship. It's kind of weird when you think about it- this definitely would not have happened if stbxH and I had stayed together. We had a strong connection, but it stayed in the "fun" type of category, the way I term a secondary relationship. People had asked me if I saw it going anywhere, and I said no but that I was happy with it the way it was, and I meant it. Now that the opportunity is there, things are deepening between us and it's been really interesting. I've never really experienced another relationship that progressed to what I'd call "reality" other than with stbxH, since he was my first adult relationship. It's been interesting to note how I've changed and how things are different. I had never wanted things to go the way they did, but I guess it's funny how things work out the way they do... now I have this opportunity. But no thoughts about tomorrow... not only am I not ready for that, but I'm trying to keep my life focused on now. And with Henry, the now is pretty good.

And to be perfectly honest, I think that when the heartache and drama is over, I'll be happier without stbxH. And I'm sure he'll be happier without me. It's just weird being in this situation where I have a "serious" relationship while I'm still dealing with the fallout from my separation. Poly problems, eh?

Henry and I had a pretty hot scene the other night. I really am a sadistic bitch and I love it :) Henry loves restrictive bondage, so I locked his collar and a steel cock ring on him and hooked up a leash. Then I put leather cuffs on his wrists and ankles, and locked on a spreader bar so he couldn't close his legs. Then, just to make it more fun, I locked the wrist cuffs and leash to the centre of the spreader bar so he was sitting but kind of hunched over and had very little play to move his hands or feet. We did a little sensory play with claws and different textures, and then I thought it was time for some silliness. Henry had baked cookies the other night, so I put a couple on a plate about three feet ahead of him. I laughed until I cried watching him try to figure out how he could get the cookies and then get them to his mouth! And yes, it still turned me on like crazy :) I did reward him afterwards... unhooked the wrist cuffs from the bar and wrapped the leash around my wrist instead. Then I slid in his stainless steel jeweled butt plug and played with his cock and nipple rings until he begged me to let him cum. He's my good boy :)

I just ordered a chastity device for him, a CB6000 in stainless steel. I'm not planning on locking him up full time because frankly, I like fucking him, and it's part of how I bond emotionally. But I think it'll be fun for some tease and denial play. Just enough to make him wonder if this might be the time that I won't let him cum :)
It's all fun until someone gets hurt... and then it's more fun! :whip:

https://thehappyhotwife.blogspot.com/

norbertrichard
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Your story

Unread post by norbertrichard » Fri Jul 10, 2015 3:06 am

I have just been reading your posts, and i am not surprised that your marriage tanked. I read of the mutual agreement to the lifestyle, but all your posts showed Mark when home to be a good homemaker-babysitter, as you didn't maxamize your time with him, instead you dated, and had overnights, and partys, not unlike your actions when he was away. Maybe he would have liked you to fight for your marriage, by not accepting his giving in to your actions, and showing him that when he was home, he was all you needed, and wanted.

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SSQ
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Re: My story

Unread post by SSQ » Fri Jul 10, 2015 5:33 am

Nice to know that someone knows my life from a few words on the Internet better than I do.

But I'm not interested in discussing this further, because not only are you wrong, but it doesn't matter anymore and I don't owe anyone an in depth look at my life when I know the reality.
It's all fun until someone gets hurt... and then it's more fun! :whip:

https://thehappyhotwife.blogspot.com/

norbertrichard
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Apology

Unread post by norbertrichard » Fri Jul 10, 2015 5:43 am

I reread my post, and it apears that i put the blame on you. Not so, i just offered a different view of your situation, im sure it is much more complex. It sounds to me like his attitude is to strike back at you for something, and make you hurt the way he hurts. I feel for you, and wish you all the best. i am glad that you have been able to replace him so easily, and move on.

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Re: My story

Unread post by SSQ » Sat Jul 11, 2015 3:20 pm

My primary arousal comes from power. It's so interesting to think about. Because I don't mean it like the women out there who want to fuck powerful men. I mean that I crave power over my partner, so sometimes it's the smallest things that are intensely erotic for me. A presenter at a Master/slave conference termed it the "mental cock or mental pussy" and that feels so apt.

Last night, Henry came over while I was surfing Tumblr. It was pretty clear what direction my thoughts were going! He asked me if I'd like to play with my violet wand. I'll admit that always surprises me a little even though it shouldn't because he knows how much I love it. I know that he doesn't enjoy it at the level of intensity that I like to wield it, but that he feels his submission when he's taking it for me.

I chained him naked, spreadeagled to my bed. I briefly considered a hood or a gag, but I enjoy watching the expressions on his face and listening to the sounds he makes, so I left him the way he was. I decided that I wasn't feeling my sadism as much as eroticism and control, so I planned to step back on the intensity a little and give him an experience I knew he would enjoy.

I started off with my vampire gloves, the little pinpricks scratching gently over his skin. He loves that type of sensation and watching him shiver and moan made me smile. When I stepped it up to a set of titanium claws, I ran them gently over his cock and balls. It wasn't long before he had a raging erection. He had asked for violet wand, but I decided to throw in a few other things from his toy bag. A few interesting brushes that he enjoys having run along his skin, and then my new rabbit fur flogger. I trailed the soft falls over his face and along his body before giving him a swing across each thigh. It's impossible to hurt someone with a fur flogger, but I can vary the sensation with the strength of impact.

Then I finally took out the wand. I kept the power very low, to keep the focus on sensation rather than pain. I can vary what my partner is feeling dramatically based on what types of attachments I'm using, and I'm experienced with this toy and I know Henry's reactions well by now. I loved it when I saw his eyes roll back in his head the first time. I know I'm taking him somewhere wonderful.

When I put on my body contact probe, I can use my body parts to conduct sparks. Trailing my fingers down his body and having it feel like it vibrates or buzzes is so sexy. I brushed my lips across his and felt a little jolt. My pussy was dripping down my thighs. Nothing is more erotic than having a helpless, bound man available for my pleasure while I'm using my favourite toy on him.

I worked my way down his body and started to trace my fingers over his balls and cock. He's told me before that he enjoys the sensation of electricity as long as I don't turn it up too high :) and he was getting his wish. When I lowered my tongue to his cock I heard him sigh in pleasure. Electric oral sex is definitely a thing, and it's a lot of fun! I slowed down because I didn't want him to cum yet- I was having too much fun!

I ramped the electricity back down slowly, and then snapped on a latex glove with a smile. Henry really enjoys anal play, and lucky him, I enjoy giving it :) I lubed myself up, and slipped a couple of fingers inside him. He was still bound, so he couldn't stroke his cock, and I could hear how frustrating it was for him! His eyes were rolling back in his head from all the pleasure and he was begging me not to stop. I ran my tongue around the head of his dripping cock to tease him, but didn't give him enough stimulation to orgasm. I added a third finger and he groaned deep in his throat. And then it was time for some fun. I stopped finger fucking his ass and told him that he had a choice. He could ask me to let him swallow his cum, or we could stop.

I could see that words were difficult for him because of the endorphins flooding his body, so I twisted my fingers inside him and said to him, "Please, Princess, I would love to swallow my cum for you." I know he isn't the biggest fan of consuming his own body fluids but it's not a limit, and I wanted it. The next time my fingers rubbed his prostate, he stammered it out and I smiled devilishly. Then I lowered my mouth to his cock and sucked him while my fingers slid in and out of his tight little asshole. It wasn't long before he exploded and I made sure to get every drop in my mouth and hold it until I came up to give him a kiss. He opened his mouth like a good boy, and I told him he was. And then it was time for some chocolate and cuddles so he could come down out of the fog I put him in.

He told me he was a puddle, and I loved knowing that I had done that to him. He was too worn out to give me the orgasms I had originally wanted when we started the evening, but I got pretty high off the mental satisfaction. And the sexy dreams I had afterwards. I decided not to masturbate because I figured I'd rather wait for tonight, and I find vibrators desensitize my clit a little for a few days. And it's pretty obvious that I'm still horny because you guys know that I don't normally write porn here! But, this time I decided to share.

I love my sex life and I could never go back to vanilla. When I lay in bed last night thinking, I realized that we could have had ten or fifteen minutes of vanilla sex like most people, I'd have had a few orgasms, and that would be that. Or, we could do what we just did, which was two hours of pretty hot sex, even though I didn't cum. It was still worth it :) And most of the time with him, I do. But the fact that I got him to a point where he couldn't reciprocate was its own kind of sexiness.

(I should note that I don't subscribe to getting consent when one partner is in subspace or high off endorphins, and I wouldn't have done it with anyone but Henry because it's part of our dynamic. It's not cool to get someone to make a decision when they can't think straight and it's definitely taking advantage. But with him? I'm not sorry :) It was just another way for me to exercise my power over him, and I loved it. )
It's all fun until someone gets hurt... and then it's more fun! :whip:

https://thehappyhotwife.blogspot.com/

bubbalapagos
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Re: My story

Unread post by bubbalapagos » Sat Jul 11, 2015 9:02 pm

I just discovered this thread! Wow! I have some catching up to do!

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