My story

[nonethewiser]

So there's been a lot going on here and we're still figuring out the way things will be in the future. Mark was recently offered his dream job, but it's in another country where I have absolutely zero desire to live. It's a permanent job, so it's not like it would just be for a year or two. My friends and family are all here, and I don't want to uproot and go somewhere completely different. On the other hand, he's made it clear that this is critical for him, and it's more important to him than anything else. So he is going.

So, we've decided to get a divorce. I keep kiddo, and he rides off into the sunset. I can't imagine leaving your kid for a job, but I understand that people have different priorities. Kiddo is mine.

I'm not sure how long it's actually going to take to get a divorce, and we're still in the process of sorting out all the legal niceties. But, either way, at some point soon I will no longer be a hotwife. So, perhaps I won't/shouldn't post here anymore. I expect I'll continue to be myself and live my life, and I have no plans to end my relationships with Henry or Jennifer.

I am not sure yet how my life will change, but I'm going to take it one day at a time.

Sorry to hear that. Best of luck.

[FNQLivin]

Bugger. That's all I have. Hugs to you.

[Salsonero]

I am with Ares: post away. Hotwifing is an attitude and posting here is being part of a community, which you probably need now more than ever.

It's hard for me to understand how a man could leave wife and children for a job, but everyone is different and he must really feel a powerful need for that job. But men are often not in touch with their feelings, so it's not impossible that he might decide me made a mistake once he gets to the new location and misses you all.

Coincidentally, I just started going through a divorce myself, for entirely different reasons and under much happier circumstances.

[Wookie]

I don't understand how someone could leave a family for a job, but I also don't understand how someone could ask a husband to not pursue a dream job due to geographic preferences. That would have been a tough compromise to be sure.

[Salsonero]

I'm a know-it-all!

Glad that you aren't afraid to give yourself credit, girl!

[Wistful]

Very sorry your story has come to this end. At the risk of acting a total boor--

Are your positions hardened beyond any reconsideration? The stay-at-home following the breadwinner is, after all, a time honored archetype. You portray your husband as very one-sided, willing to abandon his family for career. Some might view your position as one-sided, willing to abandon your family for lifestyle, and familiar surroundings. But I’m sure there is much more involved in your mutual decision to divorce.

Focusing just upon the relocation, have you both explored all potentials and possibilities for frequent vacations (perhaps solo) back home? Any chance it could be enough?

[SSQ]

There's more to the story, guys. It's just not for public consumption and it's unrelated to hotwifing/poly.

So yes, a divorce is the right move.

[stellers26]

Def more going on here than what has been written, and it has been brewing for some time. The job is just the catalyst. And dont believe for a second the poly lifestyle didt factor in, just read her blog and how much time she spends away from home. They've been "separated" for a long time.

[SSQ]

Def more going on here than what has been written, and it has been brewing for some time. The job is just the catalyst. And dont believe for a second the poly lifestyle didt factor in, just read her blog and how much time she spends away from home. They've been "separated" for a long time.

Ah, it's nice to know that some random on the internet knows my marriage better than I do.

Apparently your reading comprehension is poor if you didn't realize that my husband was on the road for work nearly five months a year anyway and that was generally when I was away. If we weren't poly, the marriage wouldn't have survived because of that separation.

Just because you don't understand something, doesn't mean it's wrong. Not everyone lives the same way.

[mundyman]

How terribly awful SSQ. My heart and sympathies go out to you. The end in these things is never easy.
My ex-wife did kind of the same thing. Told me on Christmas Eve we were done, and then the next fall put my youngest on the bus for her first day of kindergarten and rode 1000 miles away to her new job. I got to raise my three daughters. But I did it with the amazing help of family and friends and I have found another to share my life with.
Her taking a new job was not the main reason for the divorce, it was more like the straw that broke the camel's back.
Take it one day at a time SSQ, rely on the love and help of family and friends, and concentrate on your child.
My thoughts and best wishes are with you.

[Samanthasman]

Well...bummer... I'm sorry SSQ. Regardless of the circumstances, I'm sorry you have to go through this.

If there is any advice you can share relevant to the lifestyle, I'm sure that would be appreciated when you are ready.

Many relationships fail on here and their is always speculation about why. Obviously, relationships fail for all sorts of reasons, to do with lifestyle and not. When I started posting on here, I made a commitmentthat I would post the good, the bad, and the ugly for those that follow to learn from. And, you know, that I've had a little of all of the above, although mostly good

[jacknjuls]

There's more to the story, guys. It's just not for public consumption and it's unrelated to hotwifing/poly.

So yes, a divorce is the right move.

I'm sorry to hear this, and I'd guess there has to be more going on or maybe you'd have said yes to the relocation? I wound up living in the desert because my wife was offered her dream job (I HATE the desert), and before that she was forced to relocate every 3-5 years while I was still on active duty. Neither one of us were happy about the moves each others careers forced us to make, but the "us" was more important than the negativity of relocation.

Either way, I'm sorry that you have to go through this. I personally enjoy the hell out of your blog and hope you don't decide to leave OHW for the purely selfish reason that I enjoy reading your posts so much. You offer a keen insight into a lifestyle that I find fascinating.

[SSQ]

Well...bummer... I'm sorry SSQ. Regardless of the circumstances, I'm sorry you have to go through this.

If there is any advice you can share relevant to the lifestyle, I'm sure that would be appreciated when you are ready.

Many relationships fail on here and their is always speculation about why. Obviously, relationships fail for all sorts of reasons, to do with lifestyle and not. When I started posting on here, I made a commitmentthat I would post the good, the bad, and the ugly for those that follow to learn from. And, you know, that I've had a little of all of the above, although mostly good

There honestly isn't much to learn from here. OK, so the reason I posted wasn't exactly the truth, but I decided to post the details in my blog if anyone's interested. I just didn't really want to share such personal stuff publicly, but I'm tired of trying to answer why we're not going with him and such, when that isn't an option.

Basically, H is just having a midlife crisis and wants to walk away from his life. I don't see how that could have been foreseen or prevented. It had absolutely nothing to do with BDSM or being open/poly. In fact, those things prolonged our relationship because they enhanced our communication and helped us both have our needs met. And honestly... while this might be tough to handle now, I'd rather be divorced than unhappily married.

[FNQLivin]

What a strange world we've created where we feel pressure to explain to random strangers the choices and decisions we are compelled the make. I've read your blog and I can only say how sorry and sad that it's come to this and for you to know that this random stranger on the other side of the world is definitely thinking of you and your situation.

As for your husband, people change. Sometimes in unexplainable and crazy ways. Take care.

[veub]

If we weren't poly, the marriage wouldn't have survived because of that separation. .

Sorry about the situation, but from reading your blog, and here, it reads as though the problem was that you were poly, he wasn't.

BTW, when did the gender of your kid change from female to male?

[SSQ]

If we weren't poly, the marriage wouldn't have survived because of that separation. .

Sorry about the situation, but from reading your blog, and here, it reads as though the problem was that you were poly, he wasn't.

BTW, when did the gender of your kid change from female to male?

Since I decided I like ambiguity to keep my identity anonymous from people who might know me in real life.

I didn't write as much about his poly/open escapades because this is a site for hotwives, and my blog is about my sex life. So, just like with anything you read online, it's not possible to know everything that's going on simply because you can't write all the details. And who would want to share every intimate detail of their lives with a bunch of random Internet strangers?

So, you can take what I said at face value, given that I've been here for three years and I've been pretty open and communicative, or you can keep second guessing me and trying to poke holes in my story. That's entirely up to you, but one would assume that kicking someone who is down isn't exactly a great choice of timing.

[nonethewiser]

If we weren't poly, the marriage wouldn't have survived because of that separation. .

Sorry about the situation, but from reading your blog, and here, it reads as though the problem was that you were poly, he wasn't.

BTW, when did the gender of your kid change from female to male?

Since I decided I like ambiguity to keep my identity anonymous from people who might know me in real life.

I didn't write as much about his poly/open escapades because this is a site for hotwives, and my blog is about my sex life. So, just like with anything you read online, it's not possible to know everything that's going on simply because you can't write all the details. And who would want to share every intimate detail of their lives with a bunch of random Internet strangers?

So, you can take what I said at face value, given that I've been here for three years and I've been pretty open and communicative, or you can keep second guessing me and trying to poke holes in my story. That's entirely up to you, but one would assume that kicking someone who is down isn't exactly a great choice of timing.

The critics are always louder than the supporters. I have read your posts and blogs, enjoyed them and your honesty and openness and think I speak for most of us in saying I wish you the best and have no reason to question your account of your own life. Please be well.

[HowardRoarke]

Divorce is tough, period. I have no advice that has not been given earlier and far more articulately by others, but I do wish you and your child well, and will keep you in my thoughts in the weeks ahead.

Best-

HR

[seductionrules]

Thank you SSQ for all your sincere posts - you are a very special woman.

We very much appreciate hotwives like you that provide the heart and soul and real life perspective on this site.

Please don't give up on your marriage (or on us).

Regards

Mr. SR

[rs480]

"I'd rather be divorced than unhappily married."
SSQ, you are wise far beyond your years. :-)

[SSQ]

Just here for some good thoughts. Henry is in the hospital. I've been commuting back and forth to his city daily since I didn't have anyone to watch kiddo in the evenings so I basically had to be able to travel during school hours. Without a car. So the last week has been insanely hectic for me (especially since school was cancelled on Friday because of extreme cold).

He was there for me when H walked out, so it's been important to me to be there for him, too. Hospitals are terrible places to be alone. I wish Greyhound offered frequent traveller miles though!

It also brings out the caretaker aspect of my personality. It makes me feel good to help other people because I can show them that they matter to me. Not entirely altruistic... but hey, if it's symbiotic, that's okay too!

I am exhausted though. I'm averaging five hours of travel a day to see him for two hours. He's supposed to be discharged tomorrow and he's coming to stay here for a few days since they don't want him to be on his own for now and I can't keep travelling like this. It's expensive and I'm so drained at the end of the day.

[FNQLivin]

What happened?

I am sure he is really appreciative of your visits.

[Trixkat]

the reason he's hospitalized is irrelevant, I'm sorry he's there. I hope his recovery is swift and strong.

[FNQLivin]

Totally unnecessary response. If SSQ doesn't want to share, I am sure she will happily either put me in my place or not respond.

[Jersey Mike]

You're a good person SSQ. Hope everything works out for you & kiddo, and a speedy recovery for Henry.

Take care of yourself.