My story

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SSQ
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Re: My story

Unread post by SSQ » Mon Sep 22, 2014 12:47 pm

It's been another pretty awesome weekend! On Friday, I went to a house party. It's pretty laid back- people do a lot of socializing, and there's a little play. It's not as dressy or fancy, people wear what they want and just have a good time. I had plans to do a scene with a friend of mine who'd seen me do my electrical stuff at a previous party and had gotten really excited about it. We were both pretty jazzed. To make it even better, a friend of ours who is a professional photographer came along to shoot the scene and the pictures turned out really well. It was a lot of fun!

On Sunday, Jennifer and I went to a BDSM party at a swinger's club. I liked showing up with her on my arm and introducing her to my kinky friends as my girlfriend. I joked to her that she's my arm candy, and she liked that. We sat in the dungeon for a while and enjoyed watching some play, and then decided to do the scene that we had planned. Unfortunately, because some idiots ruined it for the rest of us, anything involving fire had to be outside by the pool instead of in the dungeon. Guess what? It was 40 F outside last night and windy! But hey, it was just another way to make her suffer for me a little ;)

So I had her naked and shivering, spreadeagled by the heated pool, with everyone watching while I slowly drizzled hot wax all over her. We got quite a lot of attention, including some from people who didn't know better than to interfere during play (I actually had a guy ask me if he could pour wax on her! Umm... NO). But she looked so sexy covered in wax, it was really awesome. The cold reduced the sensuality a little... the knife that I use to scrape off the wax was ice cold and so were my hands, so it wasn't as sexual as it normally would be. But it was still fun, and she enjoyed the juxtaposition of sensation. Next time I think we'll do it indoors and I'll just use ice cubes too!

After she got cleaned up, we went for a dip in the heated outdoor pool. So nice and relaxing! We cuddled and made out and just relaxed. I really enjoy our relationship. It's not what I was looking for when I first set out to find a secondary, but I like what it is.
It's all fun until someone gets hurt... and then it's more fun! :whip:

https://thehappyhotwife.blogspot.com/

Salsonero

Re: My story

Unread post by Salsonero » Mon Sep 22, 2014 2:02 pm

Good for you, girl. I love the expression "arm candy." Sorry about the cold, but you seem to have converted a problem into another source of play.

mundyman
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Re: My story

Unread post by mundyman » Mon Sep 22, 2014 2:11 pm

Me. SSQ
Thank you sharing the highlights of your weekend. I'm happy for you that it was enjoyable and fun. I wish I could say my sex life was as exciting and varied as yours, but alas it is not. Thank you for giving me the chance to share yours in some small way.
All the best positive thoughts and wishes to you and yours.

Salsonero

Re: My story

Unread post by Salsonero » Mon Sep 22, 2014 5:54 pm

Ares wrote:I think I put my restraints somewhere that the kids won't find them. So now they probably know where they are and I'll never find them again!
There is only one Ares in this world. :roll:

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SSQ
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Re: My story

Unread post by SSQ » Mon Sep 22, 2014 6:46 pm

Ares wrote:Oh fer Hell sakes woman, you are SOOOOO freaking kinky! Gotta luv ya!! :up: :up:

DAYUM, what a fun time! :twisted:

You know, I've still not found my damn restraints since the last time we PM'd. Don't have wax yet. After reading your post about the weekend, I feel so inferior!! :D

I think I put my restraints somewhere that the kids won't find them. So now they probably know where they are and I'll never find them again! :oops:
Are you kidding? I want a gangbang with nine hot guys I am attracted to and like!

LOL drop me your address, I'll send you some candles.
It's all fun until someone gets hurt... and then it's more fun! :whip:

https://thehappyhotwife.blogspot.com/

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SSQ
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Re: My story

Unread post by SSQ » Thu Sep 25, 2014 9:49 am

Sigh. NRE can be so absolutely overwhelming at times. But what's really awesome is knowing that the other person is in NRE with you, too.

Henry and I are still spending crazy amounts of time communicating. We Skype 3-4 times a week for about 3-4 hours! Part of me is kinda surprised that we haven't gotten bored of each other yet :) It's not as good as being together in person, but much better than not seeing each other at all. Distance and lack of vehicle sucks. At least he's not that far away.

It's just tough not to go flying off the rails. We've only been dating for about six weeks now, and only played once. It's been more of getting acquainted, and we still have to do some D/s negotiation to firm up expectations and such. He's told me that he really likes being my plaything :)

This weekend there's a party in his city and I'm staying over for a few days afterwards. I am SO excited and can't wait to see him. I'm just trying to decide what toys to throw in my bag. I'm definitely bringing my violet wand for play at the party, but what to bring for the next couple of days? :)

I've been thinking a lot about how there's different energy between different people, too. I know people reading this are probably thinking what's this New Age bullshit, but I thought the same thing the first time someone said energy to me in a BDSM context. Then I had my first scene, and I was like, OH. But at any rate... John was an extreme masochist, and we dated for a few months, and I never once beat him. I'm not really sure why. But I'm considering throwing my impact toys in my suitcase to use with Henry. Interesting, and I want to think about that.

I just can't wait to kiss him and fuck him and play with him. It's all so good :)
It's all fun until someone gets hurt... and then it's more fun! :whip:

https://thehappyhotwife.blogspot.com/

Salsonero

Re: My story

Unread post by Salsonero » Thu Sep 25, 2014 10:12 am

I love the way your throw all your raw emotions on the table, SSQ. You are an extraordinary person, such a cool combination of vulnerable and Dominant ... but always sexy.

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SSQ
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Re: My story

Unread post by SSQ » Fri Sep 26, 2014 9:40 am

Aww, you are awesome, Ares :) I only wish I had that many toys! I have a pretty good variety, but definitely not much selection in each category. Unfortunately, good sex/kink toys are really expensive. My birthday is coming up, so maybe I'll get lucky :)

So, interesting update... H went on a "date" yesterday, his first. She's experienced and openly poly, which is great since he's getting to hear other perspectives on how people do things. He had told her up front that he doesn't think he's looking for a relationship right now but that friendship would be good, and they talked for four hours at a coffee shop. She texted him afterwards and said she really enjoyed hanging out with him. H laughed and said a vanilla, single girl would never have been that forward. I told him that I prefer the poly/open community because it's okay to be genuine and authentic and not play all the silly games that I think singles do.

I was surprised to find myself fully experiencing compersion for him. They didn't even touch or anything but they're going to get together again soon since they enjoyed each other's company. He doesn't think he wants to date at this point, but whatever he decides is fine with me. I know I'm much more comfortable with people who aren't monogamous by nature because that always gives me a concern that they're not going to get it, but we'll figure it out.

And tomorrow I'll be seeing Henry! :)
It's all fun until someone gets hurt... and then it's more fun! :whip:

https://thehappyhotwife.blogspot.com/

Salsonero

Re: My story

Unread post by Salsonero » Fri Sep 26, 2014 9:52 am

You are so wise and in touch with emotions. I always learn a little something from your posts. Thanks.

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SSQ
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Re: My story

Unread post by SSQ » Mon Sep 29, 2014 6:58 pm

I have so much to say and I don't know where to start!

First off, H did have another date with the same woman on the weekend, and they had sex. I knew it was going to happen and felt a little angsty, (okay, a lot angsty!) but we worked through it. My husband did the things that I need to feel loved and secure and he wants to see her again soon. I feel a little weird, but it's over and done, so I think it'll get easier.

And I spent the weekend in Henry's city, we had a party on Saturday night and then I stayed over there until tonight. It was one of the best weekends I've had in so, so long. We had such a hot and intense scene. I've never had this kind of play energy with anyone before, not this intense. He reacts so beautifully, and he really trusts me not to take him too far. He dropped into subspace so quickly and my dark side came out and it was just fantastic. We went back to his place afterwards and had hot sex, and it was just so good to sleep with him. He's a cuddler, so I slept wrapped in his arms. We spent the next two days together and did lots of play and lots of fucking and cuddling and talking and connecting.

I'm riding one hell of a high right now. Life is really, really good. I'm not sure when I'll see him again, but I hope soon.
It's all fun until someone gets hurt... and then it's more fun! :whip:

https://thehappyhotwife.blogspot.com/

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SSQ
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Re: My story

Unread post by SSQ » Wed Oct 01, 2014 6:30 pm

Today was busy! H had another date with his lady friend. I met her before I went out for a couple of hours, and she seems nice enough. We chatted briefly and then I headed out to give them some private time. I felt a lot less angst-y after meeting her, which I figured I would. Real people are always less threatening than fantasies. At any rate, he had a good time.

Then tonight I had a date with Jennifer. We went out to dinner and then to a BDSM munch. It was good times. I really enjoy hanging out with her. We didn't get any private time because she had to leave for work right after the munch, but hopefully next time!

And H and I had hot, wallbanging sex afterwards. You know, life is pretty good right now.
It's all fun until someone gets hurt... and then it's more fun! :whip:

https://thehappyhotwife.blogspot.com/

viking43

Re: My story

Unread post by viking43 » Thu Oct 02, 2014 2:48 am

Nice to hear you are having a good time :)

I would like to ask you, if the experience of your husband dating and having sex with another woman, in any way changed your view on some of the things we discussed here? I don't want to start a discussion or anything, I'm just interested in hearing how you feel about this, now that you have experienced the other side of it.

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SSQ
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Re: My story

Unread post by SSQ » Thu Oct 02, 2014 7:58 am

viking43 wrote:Nice to hear you are having a good time :)

I would like to ask you, if the experience of your husband dating and having sex with another woman, in any way changed your view on some of the things we discussed here? I don't want to start a discussion or anything, I'm just interested in hearing how you feel about this, now that you have experienced the other side of it.
I don't mind discussing it. I was kind of surprised that no one had even commented on it!

I'm not sure what you might think I'd feel differently about though so please feel free to be more specific or ask questions.

Even when I felt angst-y, I just explained to him that I needed to feel like I was first for him. That I could totally understand the New Shiny feelings (I won't call it NRE since she's more of a friend with benefits at this point than a girlfriend but who knows) and that's why he was so focused on her. I also have the experience to explain exactly what I needed to make me feel important to him, so communication really helped. I am a big believer that with good and open and honest communication that you can solve almost any problem.

I like seeing him happy. He's a fantastic man and he was worried he'd have a hard time attracting a partner because he knows it's much easier for women than for men. I'm glad he's found someone he likes. After all, I'm not a perfect match for him any more than he's a perfect match for me, so it's awesome that he's getting other needs met with her.

And then coming home and banging me like a screen door in a tornado! :)
It's all fun until someone gets hurt... and then it's more fun! :whip:

https://thehappyhotwife.blogspot.com/

Salsonero

Re: My story

Unread post by Salsonero » Thu Oct 02, 2014 8:06 am

SSQ wrote:I also have the experience to explain exactly what I needed to make me feel important to him
Would you be able to elaborate a bit on what you need from him?
SSQ wrote:And then coming home and banging me like a screen door in a tornado!
:lol:

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SSQ
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Re: My story

Unread post by SSQ » Thu Oct 02, 2014 9:19 am

Salsonero wrote:
SSQ wrote:I also have the experience to explain exactly what I needed to make me feel important to him
Would you be able to elaborate a bit on what you need from him?
SSQ wrote:And then coming home and banging me like a screen door in a tornado!
:lol:
In particular, I like to have time to process things. I don't really like last minute changes in plans. However, I also understand that life doesn't always work that way, so if he wants to do something without a lot of warning, I like it when he makes me feel that he appreciates me understanding. A simple thank you means a lot (like when yesterday I got up early to go for my bike ride so he could have more time with her). Or he had been cleaning up the house on Saturday so it would look nice for her, and I got annoyed because I felt like he hadn't been doing chores in general and didn't like he was willing to clean for her. Well, when I came home Monday, he'd done all my chores... for me.

Basically, I just need him to keep doing the little things that show me that I'm special to him. I need hugs when I'm feeling insecure, and him to talk about his thoughts and feelings so that I know we're on the same page. That helps a lot.
It's all fun until someone gets hurt... and then it's more fun! :whip:

https://thehappyhotwife.blogspot.com/

viking43

Re: My story

Unread post by viking43 » Thu Oct 02, 2014 9:19 am

I have no doubt that you and your husband like what you do, and I'm happy for you.

What I wanted to know was, if you, now that you have felt the angst, have a different view on the statement we discussed in my tread. If the situation was so, that your angst didn't subside, and you simply couldn't live with him having sex with other women, and he said to you, that it is something he never would stop doing... - you know what I'm referring to.

Would you still, after feeling the angst yourself, think that it would be OK for him to make such a statement?

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SSQ
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Re: My story

Unread post by SSQ » Thu Oct 02, 2014 9:46 am

viking43 wrote:I have no doubt that you and your husband like what you do, and I'm happy for you.

What I wanted to know was, if you, now that you have felt the angst, have a different view on the statement we discussed in my tread. If the situation was so, that your angst didn't subside, and you simply couldn't live with him having sex with other women, and he said to you, that it is something he never would stop doing... - you know what I'm referring to.

Would you still, after feeling the angst yourself, think that it would be OK for him to make such a statement?
Yes, absolutely. If this is what he needs to be happy, I have the option of owning my shit and making myself okay living with it (which I do believe you can do. I mean, just because you have negative feelings doesn't mean you can't work through them if you genuinely want to), or we could split up. I think marriage is about supporting your partner and helping them achieve their goals and dreams. I wouldn't want to be the rock holding him back from something he really wanted to do.

And honestly, how is that going to affect a relationship, anyway? It's not like there's the decision made and that's that- there's always fallout. The person who doesn't get their needs met is going to have a lot of negative feelings. I think all you've really done is switch the pain from one partner to another; someone's going to have to process that they aren't going to get what they want if there's an impasse, right?

If one of us can't live with something the other can't live without, then I think it's kinder to both parties to divorce so both people can get their needs met. But I also believe that if you are coming from a base of love, respect, and genuine understanding and desire to see your partner happy and to grow, that you can work through a lot of situations and come to a positive resolution that makes you both happy.

I also believe that a lot of times, what people think is bothering them isn't really what is actually bothering them, and taking time to fully analyze your feelings might help with that. For example, jealousy isn't an emotion; it's a symptom. Figuring out what's causing it might help actually solve the problem rather than just stuffing the issue back into a closet by treating the symptom.

For example, when my husband felt jealous because I was texting a lover frequently- it's not that he begrudged me the time. Often, he didn't even want to have my attention at the time because he was doing his own thing. It was his way of expressing his need to feel loved and desired by me, and that he wanted to know that our connection was primary. Focusing on that really helped make his negative feelings go away.
It's all fun until someone gets hurt... and then it's more fun! :whip:

https://thehappyhotwife.blogspot.com/

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Truckstar
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Re: My story

Unread post by Truckstar » Thu Oct 02, 2014 9:55 am

Susie Q, this is excellent writing; I am very impressed

Salsonero

Re: My story

Unread post by Salsonero » Thu Oct 02, 2014 10:08 am

Truckstar wrote:Susie Q, this is excellent writing; I am very impressed
Agreed. You are just so in touch with your emotions and not afraid to put your soul out there for your lovers and for your readers too. You are a brave and admirable woman.

Thanks for sharing with us.

viking43

Re: My story

Unread post by viking43 » Thu Oct 02, 2014 10:46 am

I do understand what you mean, and I respect you for it. And you expressed it in a way so even a Dane can understand it ;) :up:
I don't agree with you in all of what you say, but you and I have different views on what marriage stand for, and that is perfectly OK - we all do what we think is best for us.

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SSQ
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Re: My story

Unread post by SSQ » Tue Oct 07, 2014 2:02 pm

Well, H is off on another trip... won't see him for three weeks. I'm ovulating and ragingly horny so last night I told him I was going to use him like my personal sex toy. And damn, was it good! Very satisfying just to suck him hard and then climb on his cock and ride him. It's funny, I never used to like that position but I've been finding it more appealing lately.

But, I'm still horny and no other plans right now :P Sigh! Might need a casual hookup or something.
It's all fun until someone gets hurt... and then it's more fun! :whip:

https://thehappyhotwife.blogspot.com/

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Re: My story

Unread post by SSQ » Sun Oct 12, 2014 5:11 pm

*sighs* I had pretty close to a perfect day today. I was able to play hooky and sneak away from family stuff today and leave my son with my mom, and go to Henry's city for the day. We went shopping at a little market and picked up cheese, cold meat, wine, strawberries, and cheesecake and went for a picnic on the lake. It was warm and sunny and just absolutely perfect. We got a little buzzed, went back to his place, and ripped each other's clothes off. Pretty vanilla because we were short on time, but still SO good. He asked me to stay the night but I really couldn't this time... but I'll see him again in two weeks and have a couple of overnights. I can't wait :)

Distance sucks... but getting together is fantastic.
It's all fun until someone gets hurt... and then it's more fun! :whip:

https://thehappyhotwife.blogspot.com/

Salsonero

Re: My story

Unread post by Salsonero » Sun Oct 12, 2014 5:25 pm

You are one of the three or four most romantic women on all of OHW ... right down to your food choices. I agree: it was the perfect romantic day. Even having to leave your lover behind is romantic. You can't have romance without a little tear.

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SSQ
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Re: My story

Unread post by SSQ » Tue Oct 14, 2014 4:39 pm

Last night Henry and I were talking on the phone, which is funny since we both hate phone calls but when it means we get to talk to each other... it's okay. It's crazy how we can talk and hours go by and it's okay.

I don't feel like I've had this kind of intensity or chemistry in a long, long time. It's barely been two months, and I am head over freaking heels. And I've been around the NRE block a few times, so it surprises me. The BDSM chemistry between us is amazingly intense and I know that deepens things very quickly. The trust involved with what we do means a lot. I'm not feeling like this is NRE, although there is definitely that, too. But, I guess we'll see.

Before anyone starts worrying for me ( :D ) H knows all about it and is happy for me. He hasn't met Henry yet but hopefully will in a couple of weeks when he's back from his most recent trip. Henry is an awesome guy, but we'd never be compatible in a primary relationship sense anyway, even if I was looking for that (which I am most certainly NOT). But knowing the limits of the relationship up front doesn't mean that it can't be incredibly rewarding, passionate, and intimate.

We were talking last night, and it just kind of slipped out- I told him that I want him to be mine. I've noticed how he gets a little spacy when I start using my fingers to trace lines across his throat. He has to know that I am picturing him wearing my collar. It's still so early for that and we have a lot of negotiating and defining to do to figure out the shape we want things to take... but I haven't said that to anyone else in kink, ever.

His birthday is in December. Still a ways off but that would only be just over four months together. I'll have to see how I feel then, but I can't imagine that if things continue as they are, that I won't want to lock a collar around his neck. I just want to keep taking it slowly. I don't want this to be one of those whirlwinds that burns itself out.

Right about now, I feel like I am amazingly lucky. I've coming up on 14 years with H, we've got a nice house and a great kid, a great sex life together, and my husband encourages me to pursue my dreams and to find partners so I can get my kink and D/s needs met. I have a sexy, fantastic girlfriend who I feel like I connect with in such a way that I can talk to her about almost anything, and I get to watch her exploring BDSM for the first time. And I have a boyfriend whose shy smile makes me melt inside, so that I want to hurt him and make him cry but also protect him and make him happy all at once. Life is pretty amazing right now.
It's all fun until someone gets hurt... and then it's more fun! :whip:

https://thehappyhotwife.blogspot.com/

Salsonero

Re: My story

Unread post by Salsonero » Tue Oct 14, 2014 9:39 pm

Since I don't know much of anything about BDSM, what does "be mine" mean? An exclusive relationship of some sort? Is the collar something real or figurative?

I am very, very happy that you are in such a halcyon clime these days. No one wears happiness more beautifully than you do, Sweetie. Your posts have been just melting my heart lately.

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