Kill Bill...Asking wife to dump BF?!?!

[Samanthasman]

SM, when there has been a break any contact, good or bad is contact. You are perpetuating the deal, you are continuing the motion by contacting him. No contact is the only way. You contacting him is indirect communication vicariously with Sam. You monitoring him is keeping him in both of your lives.

Like SSQ says, unless you are a complete arsehole, leave him alone, it was all consensual, nobody cheated (as far as we know) and now it is over. Close it down tight and move on.

No, no, no - you misunderstood. There was only ONE time contact. The breakup call came from me and then Sam a few days ago. I'm just restating what I said to him at the single time of contact a few days ago. We called together and that is what I said. I have not contacted him in any way since then and I don't intend to and I don't believe Sam has either.

There was only the one time contact to say it's over. I have no intention in contact him again, unless he provokes further action.

I'm not harboring Ill feeling towards him at this point. I even feel some empathy for him because I know he is hurting too. However, the relationship was clearly terminated permanently, and I made my intentions clear at that time that any further contact would be dealt with.

[Samanthasman]

This seems like a very rational move. It's not vindictive - it's simply a measured next step should it come to that.

No, it's the petulant act of an emotional child. I said before you and Sam both need to grow up, your words and actions are documented proof.

If you clearly ask someone to leave you alone, and they purposely do not leave you alone, then you are being childish in reacting? I respect your opinion, but I completely disagree.

If he contacts my wife, I will contact his wife. That's completely reasonable.

[Samanthasman]

I completely disagree with you.

You mentioned "contact" before, not who contacts whom. When Samantha contacts Bill, what is he to do? If he says hello, when answering his phone, THAT is contact. Do you then expect him to fess up about your wife's contact and call you to spill the beans? THAT is contact.

You invited Bill into your relationship, his wife has nothing to do with it, and it's your relationship that needs repair.

Frankly your desperate need to control what you created is likely why Sam is looking for someone else to meet her needs.

Uuggh... I told Bill to not contact my wife. I think that was a reasonable request. You are talking about her contacting him.

I find it interesting that if you told someone to not contact your wife, and they went ahead and did contact your wife, that you would do absolutely nothing about it?

[DrKenRamie]

I have often mentioned situations like this one when I'm talking about everyone getting started and all excited.. This type of situation happens a lot in the first 5 years of a hotwife lifestyle.

This situation happened to me/us three different times during the first 3 years.. I'm not talking close to the same,,, I'm talking the same thing and it happens a lot..

It's hell,, but it can be worked through.

At this point, No need for me to say a lot of things that already have been said here.. Both of these people involved here are smart individuals, and that sometimes gets in the way too,, but this situation can work itself out,,, that's my hope,, I promise my own life and marriage is living proof.

[WantMore]

Yep, been there too., This can be worked out. It takes you two setting a new goal with both of you aiming for the bullseye on the target.

Over time you two will lower the expectations of each other in the hw lifestyle. She needs to learn that you get off on brutal honesty. You need to learn that sam is going to make mistakes until she learns how to please you, her and the fb.

Lying is part of learning for many of us hw couples. Especially when she feels she may hurt you or feels like its not worth discussing.

Sam needs to learn how to handle the entire situation with hard brutal honesty.

Time is the healer. Time will fix you guys.

[Samanthasman]

I have often mentioned situations like this one when I'm talking about everyone getting started and all excited.. This type of situation happens a lot in the first 5 years of a hotwife lifestyle.

This situation happened to me/us three different times during the first 3 years.. I'm not talking close to the same,,, I'm talking the same thing and it happens a lot..

It's hell,, but it can be worked through.

At this point, No need for me to say a lot of things that already have been said here.. Both of these people involved here are smart individuals, and that sometimes gets in the way too,, but this situation can work itself out,,, that's my hope,, I promise my own life and marriage is living proof.

Thank you! This is how we feel and I really appreciate the reinforcement.

It's obvious to me that their is a bias on this forum against talking about problems. I'm willing to share the behind the scene look at how a real couple is dealing with a bump in the road and there are people saying the entire thread should be deleted; or that this should not be discussed because might scare newbies away, or how my wife is evil and I'm an idiot. I would be shocked if anyone ever posted anything remotely about a problem again...

I am considering deleting all of this and leaving this community... And I know the cheerleaders, anti-cheerleaders, and a few jealous guys and negative people would be thrilled.

[DaBolts]

Keep sharing. Take the good with the bad. I'm sure you find some of the opinions valid and maybe helpful. This thread can be very informative for new couples.

[casualfun850]

I think you and your wife went way too fast. You wanted too much too fast and were very demanding of her. Slow it way down and enjoy the process. Its fun when its slow.

[Wistful]

If you do decide to leave OHW (and really, why wouldn't you after all the nastiness and brickbats tossed your way--it's hard to imagine you value this gig enough to keep wading through the continuing excrement) please know that your thread has provided me much to think about, and was very worth my attention to your diligent and literate work.

[MrsTruckstar]

Some people get over things by talking (writing in this situation) them through. Others bottle it up and all stations in between. SM and Sam may have made some mistakes, may have handled it differently with hindsight.

Those of us that attack him for the way he chooses to tell his story should press the pause button and let him tell it his way. We will all learn something. Still offer advice and opinion but if he gets a little erratic, cut him some slack; he has a rather tricky situation to deal with.

Advice what to do and experienced based opinion is good. Criticism of how he got here is as useful as a flash light on a butt plug.

[viking68]

Please do not leave the forum. It is somewhere you can discuss your situation with people that can identify with your situation. Plus it is a modern Morality play.
I have followed your adventures from your first post. Frankly, I felt you were setting yourself up for a fall, but you were there and I wasn't so you got a pass. Now your world has blown up. I think, and hope, you two will work things out.
I believe you can. It will take work and time. Just as the old, but true cliché states, "Take it one day at a time!" Couples have survived much worst.
You need to develop a little thicker skin. Many of the comments are made after only reading part of some of your posts. Sometimes I want to yell at them, read what he said! You do a good job staying cool. You and Sam are the only ones that really matter here! Keep that in mind.
Good Luck, you are going to need some,
V

[MrsTruckstar]

I am considering deleting all of this and leaving this community... And I know the cheerleaders, anti-cheerleaders, and a few jealous guys with particularly unattractive wives would be thrilled.

Obviously leaving is your own personal choice, however to delete this means that somebody (anybody), coming after you may never learn from your experience. See past the hate mail and see the good your experience can bring. One person helped is a great thing.

Don't do anything rash.

[viking53]

I fully agree with the recent posts. Both SamsMan and Sam have been very generous in sharing their thoughts and actions through a difficult and turbulent period and I have really appreciated all of this. There have been faults on both sides but you have both taken a stand that it is your relationship that is important. I hope you get the support and advice to pull through this together. It is very clear that you need to focus just on each other. However, I hope, over time, you do continue to interact with the forum and tell us how things are, hopefully continuing to move in the right direction. Best of luck to you both.

[Samanthasman]

Obviously leaving is your own personal choice, however to delete this means that somebody (anybody), coming after you may never learn from your experience. See past the hate mail and see the good your experience can bring. One person helped is a great thing.

Don't do anything rash.

I appreciate your comments MrsT. You have been a person on here that has been very helpful. Even at times when you have disagreed with me you never lowered yourself to name calling or personal attacks, etC. I appreciate when people have healthy disagreements - that is where learning becomes possible.

I have had the attitude that my thread could be helpful to others, and I have posted everything here. It's not easy talking about your failures. It's not easy setting yourself up for "I told you so" by hateful hateful or jealous people that want you to fail.

Privately, it seems like practically everyone on here has told me about problems they have had on the scale of mine, or greater. And yet when you tell your story openly, as I have, you become a lighting rod.

[Artimas]

Don't take it down. I'd like to turn it into an epistolary story for the Loving Wives section of Literotica.

[ian201]

SM; No advice – just some words of appreciation.

I too, would urge you not to delete this thread, as I think you have provided a well-documented, and generally well-reasoned, approach to many of the difficulties and emotional ups and downs associated with what can happen. Looking back, I’m sure you didn’t anticipate the emotional roller-coaster that has resulted for both of you (and maybe Bill too!).

I’m nowhere close to (any parts of) the journey you have taken – but value the insights you have shared – and further respect the considerable time & effort this must have taken to write down.

[Janes Husband]

You should continue posting if you want. I've never understood judging on the forum considering how many different types of people and situation's there are. Also every couple must go through some situation's with this that not everyone else would understand.

[SmilingHusband]

SM, SC and I have posted our story, warts and all as well. I have been extremely open about my personal difficulties with all of this. I do it for one simple reason; if it helps even one couple it has been a success.

tell your story your way, and tell the critics to bugger off. I completely disagree with HOW you have gone about HWing (and feel it led directly to the current problems), but truly believe you should be able to tell your tale exactly as you wish.

Best of luck.

SH

[hhubby]

i disagree with some of your comments but still its good reading, my wife is not a hotwife yet and she can learn from this reading same as me...

[hhubby]

i disagree with some of your comments but still its good reading, my wife is not a hotwife yet and she can learn from this reading same as me...

[Samanthasman]

i disagree with some of your comments but still its good reading, my wife is not a hotwife yet and she can learn from this reading same as me...

Well, I suppose if you did not disagree with some of the 1000+ posts I have made, there would be something wrong with you

[Mia]

SM; No advice – just some words of appreciation.

I too, would urge you not to delete this thread, as I think you have provided a well-documented, and generally well-reasoned, approach to many of the difficulties and emotional ups and downs associated with what can happen. Looking back, I’m sure you didn’t anticipate the emotional roller-coaster that has resulted for both of you (and maybe Bill too!).

I’m nowhere close to (any parts of) the journey you have taken – but value the insights you have shared – and further respect the considerable time & effort this must have taken to write down.

Welcome to OHW, ian201.



Mia

[luvMyHotwife]

If you're going to stick around, I think you should both take a few steps back, correct the mistakes that you made, and set a good example for couples who are contemplating this lifestyle. It really is not that difficult.

[jacknjuls]

a few jealous guys with particularly unattractive wives would be thrilled.

This kind of name calling is completely unwarranted and doesn't belong here. It's hard enough for some people to get the confidence to post on these forums, and BS like this doesn't help.

[Samanthasman]

This kind of name calling is completely unwarranted and doesn't belong here. It's hard enough for some people to get the confidence to post on these forums, and BS like this doesn't help.

Oh please...ha ha ha...

Maybe I should not say this, but, in all seriousness, when people attack strangers in a forum like this, it is obviously to compensate for some other issue in their own lives. A short coming... Envy.. Jealousy... It makes absolutely no sense otherwise.

In the "real world" it's easy to to ignore negative people. In an anonymous forum, these people seem to thrive.