Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

[Happymcshove]

Why do they have to be single to be good?

Sometimes after dating (read fucking) a single 35+ guy you realise very quickly that he has the cock and prowess to satisfy you for a while but the personality of a mass produced frozen Margherita pizza.

(looks tasty, will hit the spot for a while but lacks substance and heat). Once you had it it, you crave something a little more spicy with the ability to fill you up and leave you wanting more....

Married guys are better for me, because they know about women, generally.

The one thing I have had trouble undestanding is how a lot of the ladies can be so cavalier about sleeping with married guys without permission? I know you Mrs T don't mind if Mr T plays but most of the wives here don't and would probably divorce their husbands if they banged another chick. They would be hurt and devastated. Children's lives turned upside down. Possibility that children will disown their father.

With that in mind how do you suppress the thought you are participating in harming others? Is it really worth those risks to you and why?

[wykedjasmine]

@Happymcshove - My perspective - I happen to love watching my husband with other women...it turns me on...I am not sure many HWs would go as far as divorce if hubby was "banging another chick" as we tend to be more open minded than that I think. I also think we tend to think those in this lifestyle communicate better and have developed rules for their situation that work FOR THEM! So think that situation of a HW husband just going out and "banging" someone is not nearly as likely, but more a discussed item! As to kids...this is a second marriage for us both and our "kids" came though it fine, all in how you deal with it...we read a lot on blending families and think we did it well! "A" students, professionals and college educated/bound...

So you feel it is participating with married men is harming others...really...I do not do a lot of married guys, but not because I feel bad, it is not a preference because typically timing and meeting can be very difficult...and I am greedy *LOL Also the potential for drama is much higher if wife finds out...which i try to avoid. I/We are of the philosophy that is is just a cock and just sex. I am sorry if others feel differently. Of those married men I have been with, All have a-sexual wives, no sex hardly at all, and when they do it is VERY boring. It is not my issue if the wife is like that...Part of any healthy relationship is a great sex life...money and sex are the two biggest drivers to our high divorce rate today! Most men NEED sexual release and jerking off only goes so far...as my husband will tell you when with his ex! (we met after they had split BTW). I am sorry their wives have failed on that commitment to the marriage but again not my circus, not my monkeys!

Having sex with a married woman is safer, less attachments, not clingy women wanting them to divorce etc. The men I have been with.... they all happen to still be married BECAUSE they were/are at least getting a sexual release. And have thanked me and told me so! so actually I seem to be saving a few marriages, the wives should be thanking me *LOL

[Happymcshove]

@Happymcshove - My perspective - I happen to love watching my husband with other women...it turns me on...I am not sure many HWs would go as far as divorce if hubby was "banging another chick" as we tend to be more open minded than that I think. I also think we tend to think those in this lifestyle communicate better and have developed rules for their situation that work FOR THEM! So think that situation of a HW husband just going out and "banging" someone is not nearly as likely, but more a discussed item! As to kids...this is a second marriage for us both and our "kids" came though it fine, all in how you deal with it...we read a lot on blending families and think we did it well! "A" students, professionals and college educated/bound...

So you feel it is participating with married men is harming others...really...I do not do a lot of married guys, but not because I feel bad, it is not a preference because typically timing and meeting can be very difficult...and I am greedy *LOL Also the potential for drama is much higher if wife finds out...which i try to avoid. I/We are of the philosophy that is is just a cock and just sex. I am sorry if others feel differently. Of those married men I have been with, All have a-sexual wives, no sex hardly at all, and when they do it is VERY boring. It is not my issue if the wife is like that...Part of any healthy relationship is a great sex life...money and sex are the two biggest drivers to our high divorce rate today! Most men NEED sexual release and jerking off only goes so far...as my husband will tell you when with his ex! (we met after they had split BTW). I am sorry their wives have failed on that commitment to the marriage but again not my circus, not my monkeys!

Having sex with a married woman is safer, less attachments, not clingy women wanting them to divorce etc. The men I have been with.... they all happen to still be married BECAUSE they were/are at least getting a sexual release. And have thanked me and told me so! so actually I seem to be saving a few marriages, the wives should be thanking me *LOL

Well the reason I ask is in my new single state I have a married woman interested in me and I just can't get past the guilt. She says she still loves the guy but just isn't sexually attracted to him anymore so she cringes at the thought of anything sexual with him. I think this is the case for many(not all) asexual wives. I just can't do it to the guy. Here he is working and thinking he has this wonderful loving wife.

As far as kids go. They take cheating hard when it comes to divorce. I've had several friends growing up who never forgave their father or mother for cheating and breaking up the family.

[wykedjasmine]

Great advice HWSC

[SailorMan]

This is a multi-part questions so please bear with me:
a. Do hot wives ever meet and hangout together, maybe going out for a drink or dinner, just to compare notes?
b. As a hot wife do you/did you have a 'straight' female BFF and tell her about your other life? Did she ever give it a try?
c. If your BFF wanted more information about being a HW, would you give her info and help her find a FWB?

Thanks to all of you, these questions have been driving me nuckingfutz.

[wild70]

What I'm asking the hotwives on this thread, is it true that once a hotwife you're always a hotwife and what do you think she was saying with that smile?

I think that is your wife's way of telling you not to bring it up. We women know how "passionate" you hubbies can be about this especially if you think there is even a tiny chance it might happen again. SO she might think back to the hot times, but she is content to just occasionally think about it. Not talk about it, not get you all hot and bothered by it, not even go down that path, so she just keeps it to herself.

Okay I got what you said and I stopped bringing the subject up. However the unexpected happened. On a long car trip last week all of a sudden she brought the hot days up. It was a fantastic conversation and by the time we reached our motel room we were both hot and bothered and the passion took over. It turned into a whole week of talking and more passion then we've had in years. The key all along is to wait for her to bring it up and quit bugging her about it. She brought it up again today and even though she probably never going to have another bf it's really great talking about our fun past life. Thanks Buttercream you're the best.

[NC-hotwife-hubby]

a question... did the hotwifes here 1st try anal with hubby or the boyfriend?? my wife 1st try with me but I was to big or she wasn't relaxed enough but her boyfriend fuck her ass on their last date and she loved it and she plans to have her ass fucked everytime now. I love it I wonder if she would want him to cum in her ass?????

[bubbajack]

Hey, Verified Hotwives!

One of the issues that keeps coming up (haha) on the site is the many ways in which the "ideal" relationship between husband and wife - especially the explicitly sexual part of it - expresses or reflects "dominance and submission" rather than, say, "equal partnership" or "mutuality".

It has long seemed to me that our culture's preferred theory of marriage has a lot of male domination mixed into it, which, when a wife begins to share her sexuality with others outside the marriage causes reactions of two general kinds in men:

(i) the "compersion" kind, which recognizes that domination-submission is not, regardless of certain anxious reactions that come and go, an important part of the sexual relationship between the spouses and therefore the "outside" sexual activity does not detract from the spouses' real regard for one another; and

(ii) the "reactive" kind, which may take many forms when confronted with an alternative style of marital sex, including the husband asserting that he remains dominant, by, say, selecting the men and making rules about what she may do and when and where she may do it; or the husband assuming a submissive role in some or all of the relationship; the wife "losing respect" for her husband and maybe leaving the relationship; the "bull" being invited to "humiliate" the husband ... the list of variations goes on.

My question is this: in the hotwifing experience for women, is the element of "domination/submission" such an intrinsic part of your sex life that it must be expressed when you take a new or multiple sex partners - i.e., the FB or the wife is "up" so the Hub is "down"?

Or is the relative "up" and "down" of the parties of little emotional or practical import to your marriage, regardless of the sexual non-exclusivity?

(Part of my impulse for asking this is that I suspect most of the emotional voltage of the "up/down" distinction is felt by men, regardless of the implicit claims of 50 Shades, etc. - which women tend to take as much more of a game or role-play exercise.)

[wykedjasmine]

Bubba - I am a female dominate so yes it is an integral part of my relationships. I only date guys who enjoy the submissive side of things. I know what I like and take what I want....some would consider some of those things "submissive" but I do not care if they bring me pleasure and get me off...I thrive on the control esp in the bedroom! I do not role play..that is WHO I am. So yes for me it is always a part. But that is just me! That is my interest so it is a big part of all my relationships. I think those roles or dom/sub is who I am...it is not who EVERYONE is...so if the shoe fits you wear it! This is "FUN and that is why many of us enjoy it...well and the multiple orgasms are a nice bonus!

As to your statement "most of the emotional voltage of the "up/down" distinction is felt by men", I totally disagree. Speaking from a BDSM, d/s, educator perspective - Many of the women/hotwives who enjoy power exchange on this level, whether Top or bottom, also get that impulse of sexual voltage. why we do it...it is a thrill ride on either side of the d/s spectrum. If only men enjoyed it, why would women indulge in something they do not enjoy. Makes zero sense!

Keep in mind just because you are in a HW relationship, not all are into the d/s stuff. Many just enjoy the pleasure or seeing their wife pleasured!!! I hope my perspective helps...I am not sure if that answered your question or not. I am with HWSC here...not sure exactly what you are asking...

[bubbajack]

Thank you both. Evidently I was locked in my own head when I wrote that ...

SC - I was trying to get at whether hotwifing, from the feminine perspective, can be experienced more a "partnership" or "teamwork" activity or is more likely to be felt as an expression of dominance by one partner and submission by the other. (A lot of my first drafts need precisely the kind of editing you recommend.)

WJ - As has happened to me many times on this Board over the years, your answer demonstrated that the distinction I was making between partnership and d/s was based on my inadequate comprehension of the relevant idea - which is true and valuable to keep in mind around here - that both d/s and mutuality of partnership certainly can be not only present in but essential to a viable human primary relationship.

Once again, an attempt of mine to grasp systematically what is going on in human matters has to yield in the face of the huge - huge, I say! - variety of what people get up to for their own enjoyment. I love it! Thanks again

[SmilingHusband]

SC - I was trying to get at whether hotwifing, from the feminine perspective, can be experienced more a "partnership" or "teamwork" activity or is more likely to be felt as an expression of dominance by one partner and submission by the other.

Both ways are seen here on OHW. SC and I are pure teamwork, as are many others here.

[bubbajack]

SC - I was trying to get at whether hotwifing, from the feminine perspective, can be experienced more a "partnership" or "teamwork" activity or is more likely to be felt as an expression of dominance by one partner and submission by the other.

Both ways are seen here on OHW. SC and I are pure teamwork, as are many others here.

So are mrsbubba and I, across the board. Teamwork is a prime directive for us in everything about our marriage, and it works for us.

However, as you say, SH, there are other ways of going about hotwifing. I'm trying to figure out if there is a gender-based difference in the importance of "teamwork" in this lifestyle, or if, as some men seem to want to warn us all, when that big cock goes in, all thoughts of the team go away - possibly forever ...

Everyone from the Marines to kids' soccer knows - or has to learn - even the very best teamwork from time to time requires division of labor, temporarily taking charge or taking orders, independent action or decisionmaking - including refraining from action - and joint coordinated consultation and followup.

My sense from reading lots of posts over the years is that hotwifing can put a particular type of strain on some marital teams (oh really, Bubba? ) and that sometimes there are what are called "red flags" - indications that the marital team may not be coordinating well.

But it's not always straightforward: Samantha's man felt he had to order Bill killed for the sake of the marriage - but Samantha did not think the team was compromised and both of them have pointed to objective features of the scene to support their differing views. I understand there were some hard feelings, but don't know how that's going now, although Sam has had post-Bill sex adventures which SM seems to have enjoyed very much as well.

Jane told David some years ago that thenceforward she would be in charge of who she would date and who got to fuck her and when; and David apparently perceived that this was not an anti-team development - a perception that has been borne out over the ensuing years in what looks like an increasingly mutually enjoyable way.

I never thought for a minute that WJ's sexual dominance was anything other than mutually shared enjoyment by the married partners. If you look at the beautiful pics of those scenes and don't see some very polished teamwork in action, then you aren't paying attention.

So how do we know it's a team game we are watching (playing?) and not just a selfish, uncaring, out-of-control wanton slut on a nasty frolic of her own, paid for by a neutered slave that used to be a husband, as men have feared from the beginning of recorded time, apparently?

Any hotwives' thoughts on what I hope is a clearer question ... ?

[wykedjasmine]

Bubba Jack - I am sitting her smiling, laughing a bit...you think you made the question clearer when it has gotten so much more complicated...or shall we say philosophical! BUT I do love intelligence in a man...it is a trait I almost need to connect *S You certainly seem to have that....I applaud you ! *S ( I am loving the question/discussion BTW!)

First let me say THANK YOU for the kind words..R and I do feel like a polished team in action. We have certainly had our bumps and bruises along the way but came out stronger with each one!

What you are asking is so individualized for each couple involved..then a subset of that is the "types" of couples involved. We are a FLR (Female led relationship) and a MOSTLY FemDom couple. But R has his dominance too that he shares with others...We are married and are an equal team in this though. As with other couples, we have rules and we both respect them. Have we shyed away at times when the "cock goes in" or in the heat of the moment??? Yes but only a little and we always discuss after what that meant, where we are and what needs to happen or not happen. For us, we BOTH must agree on bringing a partner (male or Female) in for either of us. We both must be impressed for it to work for us. If R told me a guy had to go, I would not hesitate in doing so...politely and nicely of course, but R is my rock, my man and he is valued atop all others. Some other couples prefer the woman make all the decisions on FB, etc...If that rocks their boat...GREAT....It would not be cool for us as we love doing this together....The energy and connection is best when all are on the same page...

IMHO for this to be a healthy lifestyle for couples, there has to be teamwork...agreement on things or trouble will find you. That agreement can be wife decides or or both agree on the third or safewords to back out of a situation that is uncomfortable or whatever you decide works for your "team." I feel that if this is just a "selfish, uncaring, out-of-control wanton slut on a nasty frolic of her own" then it is not done as a couple, someone IS going to get hurt and then the relationship is in trouble. Many are in this because it is FUN..it is PLEASURABLE...and that fun and pleasure is mutually shared...whether the husbands joins, watches, sees pics during or after, likes the cuckold aspect, loves reclaiming...whatever it is!!! Some are "lifestyle" Types and it is a very regular thing...others it is the occasional tryst to add some excitement to their life/relationship. Nothing wrong/bad about either of those choices....But I also think there is a third type that gets into the lifestyle to SAVE a marriage or relationship. That was probably doomed to fail before hotwifing...and the hotwifing will just exacerbate the problems...

~WJ

[Grynch]

Hello all,

New member, first time posting.

I am wanting to ask the Hotwives here about your sex drive and how being a Hotwife has impacted your sex drive.

I am the male of the couple. I have been with my Girlfriend on and off for 6 years (knowing each other) and we have been together full time living together for about 2 years now. During this time we have split up dating-wise, remained friends, she would actually text me during this time when she was on a date to get my opinion on the guy she was out with.

We have done some BDSM play, some kinky play, sex is normally great with us.

Lately her sex drive has dropped off. Not much interest or libido. Not sure if it hormonal based or not. I am 49, she is 45. No kids, both very athletic.

I have mentioned the hotwife/hotgirlfriend lifestyle to her. We both have read several short informational books on the subject, have had great and open discussions on the subject and we are both continuing to research more on this subject.

While I have many questions the two I would like to know about from you are:

1. What was your general sex drive before you entered into this Lifestyle
2. Has this lifestyle increased your sex drive/libido?

Also welcome any other information you feel is important to share.

Thank you in advance!

[SmilingHusband]

Bubba Jack - I am sitting her smiling, laughing a bit...you think you made the question clearer when it has gotten so much more complicated...or shall we say philosophical! BUT I do love intelligence in a man...it is a trait I almost need to connect *S You certainly seem to have that....I applaud you ! *S ( I am loving the question/discussion BTW!)

First let me say THANK YOU for the kind words..R and I do feel like a polished team in action. We have certainly had our bumps and bruises along the way but came out stronger with each one!

What you are asking is so individualized for each couple involved..then a subset of that is the "types" of couples involved. We are a FLR (Female led relationship) and a MOSTLY FemDom couple. But R has his dominance too that he shares with others...We are married and are an equal team in this though. As with other couples, we have rules and we both respect them. Have we shyed away at times when the "cock goes in" or in the heat of the moment??? Yes but only a little and we always discuss after what that meant, where we are and what needs to happen or not happen. For us, we BOTH must agree on bringing a partner (male or Female) in for either of us. We both must be impressed for it to work for us. If R told me a guy had to go, I would not hesitate in doing so...politely and nicely of course, but R is my rock, my man and he is valued atop all others. Some other couples prefer the woman make all the decisions on FB, etc...If that rocks their boat...GREAT....It would not be cool for us as we love doing this together....The energy and connection is best when all are on the same page...

IMHO for this to be a healthy lifestyle for couples, there has to be teamwork...agreement on things or trouble will find you. That agreement can be wife decides or or both agree on the third or safewords to back out of a situation that is uncomfortable or whatever you decide works for your "team." I feel that if this is just a "selfish, uncaring, out-of-control wanton slut on a nasty frolic of her own" then it is not done as a couple, someone IS going to get hurt and then the relationship is in trouble. Many are in this because it is FUN..it is PLEASURABLE...and that fun and pleasure is mutually shared...whether the husbands joins, watches, sees pics during or after, likes the cuckold aspect, loves reclaiming...whatever it is!!! Some are "lifestyle" Types and it is a very regular thing...others it is the occasional tryst to add some excitement to their life/relationship. Nothing wrong/bad about either of those choices....But I also think there is a third type that gets into the lifestyle to SAVE a marriage or relationship. That was probably doomed to fail before hotwifing...and the hotwifing will just exacerbate the problems...

~WJ

wise words.

[Happymcshove]

Bubba may I try to translate for you. My sincerest apologies if I get it wrong.

Ladies I think he's asking if y'all are running roughshod over your husbands with this lifestyle and if they might be running over you.

He seems to be thinking as do many are you really fooling him into thinking it's about both of you when it's really just about you and you will do and say whatever he needs to hear to ensure he's happy so you can continue to play with your prefered playmates?

Basically keep the financial and emotional security in tact while actually getting your true physical pleasure elsewhere.

[bubbajack]

Bubba may I try to translate for you. My sincerest apologies if I get it wrong.

Ladies I think he's asking if y'all are running roughshod over your husbands with this lifestyle and if they might be running over you.

He seems to be thinking as do many are you really fooling him into thinking it's about both of you when it's really just about you and you will do and say whatever he needs to hear to ensure he's happy so you can continue to play with your prefered playmates?

Basically keep the financial and emotional security in tact while actually getting your true physical pleasure elsewhere.

No, Happy - you gave a perfect expression of one mindset about the lifestyle that I was trying to describe - Thanks!

B.

[SmilingHusband]

Bubba may I try to translate for you. My sincerest apologies if I get it wrong.

Ladies I think he's asking if y'all are running roughshod over your husbands with this lifestyle and if they might be running over you.

He seems to be thinking as do many are you really fooling him into thinking it's about both of you when it's really just about you and you will do and say whatever he needs to hear to ensure he's happy so you can continue to play with your preferred playmates?

Basically keep the financial and emotional security in tact while actually getting your true physical pleasure elsewhere.

how sad. if someone's doing that to their spouse, with that level of psychological manipulation, that's not a loving marriage. the only love that person has is for themselves......

[Mrs E]

I can certainly imagine there is emotional manipulation going on in some couples, on both the husband's and wife's parts. IMO that is headed for a train wreck, if it wasn't already. I feel sorry for them. As it has been said over and over, you need a strong marriage and good communication to do this. The potential rewards are many, as well as the potential hazards.

As several have written, the sexual roles we might play for our exploration and enjoyment are *not* the same as the bonds we have with our partners/spouses.

Mr E and I are a team. I wouldn't have had sex outside of my marriage without this. Now it was first his idea, and his fantasy, but it is now ours. He has given me complete freedom in how I play and I am amazed at the amount of trust he has shown in me. I won't betray it. Besides, the communication is so much fun!

I have found this and so many discussions on this forum to be engaging and fun and enlightening. Thanks everyone. I appreciate the community I find here.

[allengt]

The title of this thread is Ask a Hotwife which means that only Verified Hotwifes are suppose to answer and all the men that have opinions keep them to themselves or post them in another thread.

[Mrs E]

NRE is a powerful thing; and experiencing partners who are very good at sex, and living with a happy and appreciative husband has certainly increased my libido!

[MrsTruckstar]

A woman's libido will in increase often if one or more NOT ALL NECESSARILY of the following things happen.

1. She is less tired, because;
a. kids have grown and need less attention
b. change of work/life pattern
c. health improves/starts to eat healthy

2. She feels better about herself, because
a. she is more self confident
b. has lost some weight
c. has got fitter (not thinner per se) or has become healthier

3. She starts to receive compliments

4. Honestly believes that she is sexy. (not looking sexy) being sexy.

5. Is open and honest with herself what she wants from sex and is willing to pursue her sexuality and sexiness.

6 Archiving a personal goal.

7. Bring sexy back, by;
a. start being flirty on text/messenger/email/facebook
b. ask your beau "Fuck me now" in the kitchen, lounge, park or wherever
c. hug more and say I love you to your partner
d. learn to masturbate again solo and as a couple. Orgasms are the 'crack cocaine' of being sexy

[MrsTruckstar]

As a contra to all of this, things that will knock your wife/female partner's sex drive are :

1. Constantly demanding sex/HW activity
2. your request for indulging YOUR PERSONAL fantasy and not hers
3. Saying derogatory things -:
a. You say "Hey babe, I think you could lose a few pounds, you know for your health." she hears "You fat cow."
b. You say "Why don't you wear some sexy lingerie tonight". She hears, "You're not sexy looking"
4. Any family bad news
5. Feeling worthless or like a slave to the house/kids/husband (kinks excepted) some people like that - minority report.

Have fun out there and please love each other....

[Kriskeren]

Morning Hotwives
Two questions:

1 I have peppered my wife to death with the fantasy for 2 years to the point she says she feels 'overwhelmed'. Yeah, I get it, I've been a pushy asshole. So I'm going to scale back to almost nothing. But 2 things happen every time I stop talking about it: (a) I find sex unstimulating, because I only really get hot & bothered when she initiates conversation or responds genuinely to me; and (b) at some point she always brings it up again (she insists she only does that to keep me happy) with mind-blowing revelations like the fact that her ex was much bigger & more sexually satisfying than me & that she mildly flirts with a well hung young guy who works with her sister (after firmly insisting she didn't want anyone real in our fantasies). How should I respond to this? Just let her keep bringing it up & say nothing to initiate?

2 Why would a wife who hundreds of times has insisted beyond doubt that 'this will never happen, you can't pimp me out' say something (even if she insists it's for my benefit only) that she knows is going to have me hard as iron in a millisecond? Is there a hint that that might indicate she's open to it?

I know I'm clutching at straws here, but just wanted some feedback from you ladies before I permanently shut down the Kink Kiosk.

[MrsTruckstar]

Morning Hotwives
Two questions:
....

IMHO - You have been guilty of putting her under too much pressure about what YOU WANT and not what she wants.
1.a. She is indulging your fantasy.
1.b. She enjoys sex with you, you should act nonplussed about it and let her escalate it at her pace.
2. She needs your cock to be hard, in order to gain pleasure from it, what she says works, so she says it.