Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

[Kriskeren]

Morning Hotwives
Two questions:
....

IMHO - You have been guilty of putting her under too much pressure about what YOU WANT and not what she wants.
1.a. She is indulging your fantasy.
1.b. She enjoys sex with you, you should act nonplussed about it and let her escalate it at her pace.
2. She needs your cock to be hard, in order to gain pleasure from it, what she says works, so she says it.

Thank you Mrs Truckstar. I suspected as much. You confirmed it.

[Truckstar]

She can be a little direct sometimes....

[Kriskeren]

Ha! That was positively sugar-coated compared to some of the responses I could have had. I've given my poor Mrs a hard time over this (not in quite the 'hard' way I'd like) & it will probably only take a woman to see what we men sometimes can't. Her advice is to the point but valuable.

[AnnesHubby]

I have spent the last couple of days reading this topic. Thank you ladies.

I am married to a shy Asian wife.

Are there cultural differences that might prevent someone from becoming a HW?

Can rules and having to communicate be considered controlling by the husband? I hope my wife would tell me but I could see reasons why she wouldn't.

[wykedjasmine]

@Anneshubby -

Absolutely there can be cultural differences. And if you look to some Asian cultures, being naked, exposed and open can be very taboo...for some humiliating. If you look at countries like japan, the porn laws require them to blur out cocks and pussies. Some if not many women in that culture are not brought up being open sexually. Generally Asian cultures are much more conservative sexually. We know many Japanese Rope Bakushis who use that to their advantage to create some incredible shots of women tied. Now this is NOT ALL Asian cultures of course...I speak from my knowledge more of japan but it is prevalent in other cultures in the far east as well!

Rules and communication are vital. Needed for any couple in this lifestyle for their relationship to not only thrive but probably even survive! But can a husband try to use those to manipulate and control a woman?? ...CERTAINLY! So be careful there!

[AnnesHubby]

Thank you Jasmine .... I appreciate the advise. I agree about the communication being vital. If my wife ever became a HW, I hope she would be comfortable with telling me on her own terms. I would want to know but bugging her to tell me everything seems wrong. I have seen other husbands that seem so controlling that I can see why a wife might hide a relationship.

[wlf]

I have a hotwife question:

What would you say to yourself before you began your life as a hot wife(or another woman who hasn't started hot wifing yet)? How would you sell it? would you encourage it or have a more neutral opinion?

Also unrelated but similar... Do you speak openly and honestly with your girlfriends about being a hotwife? Have they responded postively? have any of them started after discussing it with you/seeing how much you love it?

[NC-hotwife-hubby]

ok my ? is how many women like pegging hubby or don't??? I mean do u lose respect for hubby if he wants that?? or do u ask him to do it and u ladies really like it, the power of being in control of hubbys pleasure.... and would you ladies rather just use a vibe on hubby or go all in with the strap on??? we did 2 times with a little bullet and it felt so good and wifie loved making me cum while doing my ass. I have been watching some pegging and not sure I could do that

[Grynch]

Hello all,

New member, first time posting.

I am wanting to ask the Hotwives here about your sex drive and how being a Hotwife has impacted your sex drive.

I am the male of the couple. I have been with my Girlfriend on and off for 6 years (knowing each other) and we have been together full time living together for about 2 years now. During this time we have split up dating-wise, remained friends, she would actually text me during this time when she was on a date to get my opinion on the guy she was out with.

We have done some BDSM play, some kinky play, sex is normally great with us.

Lately her sex drive has dropped off. Not much interest or libido. Not sure if it hormonal based or not. I am 49, she is 45. No kids, both very athletic.

I have mentioned the hotwife/hotgirlfriend lifestyle to her. We both have read several short informational books on the subject, have had great and open discussions on the subject and we are both continuing to research more on this subject.

While I have many questions the two I would like to know about from you are:

1. What was your general sex drive before you entered into this Lifestyle
2. Has this lifestyle increased your sex drive/libido?

Also welcome any other information you feel is important to share.

Thank you in advance!

Women's libido's are so individual -- I'm not sure that my or other women's libidos will be any indicator of your girlfriend's likely reaction to certain situations?

Age, familiarity of partner, stress, opportunity, health -- all can play a part.

There's lots of stressors that have caused a loss of libido in my life over the years. It can come from so many places -- work, kids, extended family, whatever. Even medical reasons. There have been many times throughout the years where I've just not felt it and cut way back on the sex for awhile. I'll admit those periods did not last for a super long time -- when I need it I need it, damn it!

But it seems that the essence of BOTH your questions is, "Will this sexual lifestyle increase my girl's libido?" I have trouble even answering that because I've been in this sexual lifestyle for decades. I was a once-a-day kinda girl before the lifestyle and I remain so today. But I'm older and married to the same (awesome and sexy man) over the course of those decades. So I can really only speculate. Would I still be a once-a-day kind of girl if I were only having sex with my husband all these years? IDK, I sort of think not. All the pursuit of me by BF's, all the NRE opportunities, the variety, I suspect that's what keeps me horny for that once a day encounter. I love my husband and greatly enjoy the loving sex with him but I suspect we'd be like many couples and be in more of a once-a-week kind of mode if it weren't for this sexual lifestyle.

In the short term, no, I don't think this lifestyle caused my libido to take a huge jump. It wasn't like I was with my husband one week, and then I started having sex with other men and suddenly I needed it daily.

But, on the other hand, for me (and I can truly only speak for me), I suspect that yeah, this sexual lifestyle has increased my libido over the long haul. Just having those extra opportunities and feeling the thrill of being pursued and desired by multiple men and the memories of the ensuing sexual trysts does seem to increase my "need" for more.

Right now, as I'm sitting here typing, I'm thinking of last night. At one point I was bent over this long narrow table in the bedroom of a BF's house. The table was of a perfect size for what was happening. As I was bent over the table, I had one BF behind me, thrusting forcefully, urgently, and deeply into me while another BF stood at the other end of the table while I pleasured him orally, or at least tried. I'm not too great at multitasking when I'm that excited. All those hands running up and down my body, all that nasty talk, the site of my sexy husband wildly jerking his little cock as he sat just feet away, the obvious urgency and desire that I'd caused in these men -- it was all too much for me and I orgasmed several times during that episode. Eventually both men would also peak, ejaculating within me, followed by my sweet husband, down on knees sucking my messy pussy, until he caused me to peak one more violent time, and he also would lose control as he jacked himself off.

Thinking of that as I type? I am damn horny again. I'm ready to go. I WILL have sex again today! Would I be of the same frame of mind if I didn't have those recent naughty thoughts floating about in my head? I can only guess ... but I think not.

So yeah, I'm afraid I don't have a good answer for you as to whether this lifestyle might increase your girl's libido. For ME, right now, at this stage of my life, at this age of my body, with my amazing husband encouraging and enjoying with me? Yeah, I'd have to guess that it has indeed increased my libido.

Thank you very much for your reply here, taking the time to provide so much!

[Grynch]

NRE is a powerful thing; and experiencing partners who are very good at sex, and living with a happy and appreciative husband has certainly increased my libido!

Thank you very much for your reply!

[Grynch]

A woman's libido will in increase often if one or more NOT ALL NECESSARILY of the following things happen.

1. She is less tired, because;
a. kids have grown and need less attention
b. change of work/life pattern
c. health improves/starts to eat healthy

2. She feels better about herself, because
a. she is more self confident
b. has lost some weight
c. has got fitter (not thinner per se) or has become healthier

3. She starts to receive compliments

4. Honestly believes that she is sexy. (not looking sexy) being sexy.

5. Is open and honest with herself what she wants from sex and is willing to pursue her sexuality and sexiness.

6 Archiving a personal goal.

7. Bring sexy back, by;
a. start being flirty on text/messenger/email/facebook
b. ask your beau "Fuck me now" in the kitchen, lounge, park or wherever
c. hug more and say I love you to your partner
d. learn to masturbate again solo and as a couple. Orgasms are the 'crack cocaine' of being sexy

Thank you very much for you replies!

[Mrs E]

I have a hotwife question:

What would you say to yourself before you began your life as a hot wife(or another woman who hasn't started hot wifing yet)? How would you sell it? would you encourage it or have a more neutral opinion?

Also unrelated but similar... Do you speak openly and honestly with your girlfriends about being a hotwife? Have they responded postively? have any of them started after discussing it with you/seeing how much you love it?

Well last year at this time I was only considering being a hotwife. Two years ago I'm afraid I would not have been very kind to myself. As for "selling" hotwifing, I certainly would let anyone know how much fun I and my husband are having, but I would also caution that hotwifing is not without risk. I would encourage a wife to communicate, communicate, and communicate to her husband, read Cody Alston's book. I would make sure she knows that this is no way to shore up a shaky marriage -- though it has the potential to enrich a good one.

I am very very careful about who I disclose to. I don't need the drama or the judgment, and of course I don't talk about my sex life with most of my friends anyway. There are two women friends who I told I was a hotwife. The first one was a woman who is a long-time friend of my husband who is poly and has been involved with BDSM. Talking with her is a delight and she is very supportive. The other friend is one of my best friends who I've known since our daughters now almost 17, became friends in kindergarten. I know her to be a very open and free person so it was easy to tell her -- besides I knew she would appreciate all the saucy tales. I was correct. She has also helped out by having our daughter visit while we go out of town on adventures. She and her husband are monogamous but have talked about swinging in the past but decided they didn't want to -- not for "moral" reasons. She is very open to alternative forms of sexual expression.

Haven't "inspired" anyone to consider hotwifing yet, but that is likely because I'm very cautious with disclosure. But I've learned to never say never.

[lex3]

Here is my question.

My wife and I have played along the fringes of this with only some "soft" hotwife activities (lots of foreplay and oral but no sex) with a friend of hers from high school. That abruptly stopped, but occasionally it is clear she still gets the itch.

This weekend we were talking about it as she had just returned from a business trip out of town and I made my usual comments about her extra-curricular activities. She told me "no one wants an old lady" (she is only 45) and "all the men think I am too stiff."

So I sense a lack of confidence - any ideas?

[Mrs E]

This weekend we were talking about it as she had just returned from a business trip out of town and I made my usual comments about her extra-curricular activities. She told me "no one wants an old lady" (she is only 45) and "all the men think I am too stiff."

So I sense a lack of confidence - any ideas?

I'm in my late 50s, and I said about the same thing to my husband last year when we were discussing hotwifing. He posted a Craigslist ad in "Casual Encounters" in a distant city with an anonymous version of my picture, my stats at the time (redhead, 5'8", 240 lb. - I'm about 25lb. lighter now). We received an amazing number of responses, and a reasonable number of them were guys I'd actually consider, most at least 10 years younger. More than one said "I love older women". This was a great confidence booster, and soon after that I told my husband he could start looking for partners. I can't tell you that I still don't worry about being too old but since last September I've had sex with five different men, all but one 10-15 years younger than me, all nice, good looking, and great in bed. Two of the guys are looking to be regulars. Between travel plans and out of town visitors, I will likely add at least four to that total this summer.

Not bad for an old lady. I hope she can see herself in a better light, as I'm sure you see her. I hope you show her this post.

[wykedjasmine]

as to the pegging question...If my husband or anf guy I am with submits to that...I find them incredibly attractive. If they are comfortable enough in their sexuality to give me that...I find that quite a turn on...Nothing better than a male open to the extreme pleasure of ass fucking....I mean the prostate is a destination spot!

[wild70]

I was perusing the "Why would a man want his wife to sleep with another man" thread and on page 5 a husband says that his wife never "cums with her lovers" but only with him. Wow I thought my wife was the only one that never had an orgasm with any of her many lovers. It was never my idea for her to do that and I kept telling her she had my blessing to have as many O's as she wanted, but she always insisted on me doing it for her when she got home. Of course I'm talking about the 70s when thing were a lot different. No web sites like this, no bulls, and she would met guys at clubs. I very rarely saw her in action and her bfs were under the impression she was cheating. I have a feeling this waiting to cum when the HW gets home is very rare but do any of you girls do this on purpose as a special treat for your husbands, even if its only once in a while? Also she told me she always faked her orgasms and none of her lovers ever figured that out. I once bragged that I could always tell when she was faking so she pulled a couple fakes on me to prove me wrong. I couldn't tell the difference. She a great little actress when she wants to be. How many of you ladies have faked orgasms on occasions and could your lover or hubby tell? I'll bet you are all great little actresses too. Right or wrong?

[Daytripper]

Does the average HW want the husband to join in as a threesome, do you want to watch two men? Do you want two men taking you?

[wild70]

Wow 24+ hours and no response to my questions. Must be all the beautiful ladies are out pleasing their lovers and making their lucky husbands ecstatic....I'm jealous! I love hotwives especially the one I'm married to.

[wykedjasmine]

Wow 24+ hours and no response to my questions. Must be all the beautiful ladies are out pleasing their lovers and making their lucky husbands ecstatic....I'm jealous! I love hotwives especially the one I'm married to.

OK I 'll take this one then *LOL I do not want to hog up the board with my thoughts but since you did not get an answer....

I can see where some HW would find that a more acceptable way of fucking another guy if she does not cum with him, especially if new to it. Maybe they feel less like cheating and guilty if the do not cum on another man's cock! If that works for them then great! If it is they enjoy bringing that pent up sexual energy home to hubby that is great. If they wanted to ask me I would ask them then though...who are they doing this for...them or their hubby?? Why go through all that trouble finding ,vetting meeting a guy if they do not get to enjoy it fully? Not a judgement but a question. I love to cum and can cum over and over. each orgasm gets stronger and stronger...so when i cum that sexual energy grows for my husband...oh and he loves seeing me pleased and pleasure as much as I enjoy experiencing it...a win win situation here!

I have never faked an orgasm...well yes I did twice towards end of my first marriage with my ex...i just wanted out of there and get sex over with with the asshole. That does not count through in my mind!! *LOL

[wild70]

Wykedjasmine, Thanks for your answer. The question of why my wife goes through all the trouble of meeting a guy and not getting to enjoy it fully, I have asked her that many times. She herself doesn't know why. She enjoyed the attention and thrill of meeting and having sex with new men but having orgasms with them was never that important to her. I just know she doesn't have multiple orgasms but the one she has is amazing, especially during sloppy seconds. Maybe it's because I get so excited and extra hard when she tells me about her encounters. I would love for her to get off with a lover but it's really up to her. If she's happy I'm ecstatic! I really miss those great days. Lol maybe someday she'll surprise me!

[Jersey Mike]

I'm curious about this - most of the hotwives, when initially told about their husbands fantasy, respond with "no way, not interested", but how many secretly were turned on by the idea after pondering this while still telling their husbands "no way"?

Basically telling their husbands No when it was first brought up, but turned on by the idea, just not willing to admit it...

[lex3]

I'm curious about this - most of the hotwives, when initially told about their husbands fantasy, respond with "no way, not interested", but how many secretly were turned on by the idea after pondering this while still telling their husbands "no way"?

Basically telling their husbands No when it was first brought up, but turned on by the idea, just not willing to admit it...

That is a very interesting question. I've spoken to a few women, including an ex girlfriend who told me just yesterday that a variation of cuckolding is a major turn on for her. She has never mentioned it to her husband but if he asks or hints...watch out!

[Mrs E]

I'm curious about this - most of the hotwives, when initially told about their husbands fantasy, respond with "no way, not interested", but how many secretly were turned on by the idea after pondering this while still telling their husbands "no way"?

Basically telling their husbands No when it was first brought up, but turned on by the idea, just not willing to admit it...

I'm with Ares here. In retrospect there was some interest and arousal there when Mr E disclosed his fantasies to me, but I was nowhere near being able to admit it. In fact, the first time he told me, several years ago, I became upset and cried. I told him I thought that meant he didn't love me any more. At the time I couldn't wrap my head around the idea that he would be aroused by the idea of me fucking other men. I was filled with fear and doubt, and even some disgust at the idea. I also had a lot of baggage about sex from my upbringing, as well as a conviction I was too old and too fat to be attractive to any man.

Fast forward to a couple of years later. Life circumstances had lightened. I had resolved to improve my life in some areas, including sexuality. Mr E responded to this positively, and took the chance again to talk about his hotwifing fantasies. This time, though I was still against it, I was able to see it differently, and gradually admit to my arousal. The rest, as they say, is history.

[jane]

with me it was totally different. it was sort of a dare from my husband. he was secure that i wouldn't do it so he could tease me, because another guy was interested, not so much that it was his fantasy. for my part it was like , well darn how dare you think you Know what i would be up for. i took it as a challenge even though i didn't know that i really wanted to and i was freaked out by it. it was a freak occurance, an unexpected fork in my life, our lives.

[Jersey Mike]

Thanks for the responses ladies, I appreciate it.