Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

[kittymaggie47]

In a public setting, how do you hotwives prefer to be approached??

If you are talking as a random meeting, just come over and talk with us. I am usually out with K (my husband), but he LOVES when he can see that another man wants me. He will play on that and loves watching me flirt. It is more fun for me if we can all engage in good conversation and things are comfortable. We love to do MFM, but K is leaning towards wanting to experience the angst of waiting for me knowing I am being fucked by another man alone.

[mundyman]

At a bar, lounge, I see you in the mall and get that vibe that you might want to touch base, but don't want to come off as a creeper.

[mundyman]

Heck maybe I see you at my kids sporting event or open house.

[Buttercream]

I think being able to compliment the wife & the husband at the same time is a great skill. If you think you are sensing a "vibe" compliment her to the husband while they are together.
Talk to both parties.. Nothing worse then ignoring the other party, even if it's not her husband. Then find an excuse to walk away for a bit, giving them a private moment to talk in case they are discussing you & further action.

[Buttercream]

You ladies are beautiful in so many different ways.

Thanks D+D! :*

[mundyman]

Thanks Buttercream. I enjoy following your thread. You seem like quite the handful!!!

[whtboyzwife]

The New Dick?

My HW of 10 years gets totally into each new BF and wants him pretty much wants him 24/7.
...
Is this (within the range of) normal for the wife to ALWAYS want the BF 24/7 and mostly just want the hubby after the BF has his turn?

Like SSQ mentioned, NRE is very powerful. However, in my relationship with my husband, he gets me whenever he wants. The thought of time with my BF gets me instantly excited (I'm getting wet just thinking about his texts ), but hubby turns me on too so he doesn't need to wait for my BF to finish.

After reading different threads on here, I've decided that there is no normal. Each HW is different. If you are having any issues, discuss them with your HW. I'm a big supporter of open communication.

[whtboyzwife]

In a public setting, how do you hotwives prefer to be approached??

Is this assuming that you know I'm a hotwife? Or at least it's obvious that I'm available and looking?
Whatever the scenario, any potential playmates better be respectful. A confident and playful man has the best chance. If I'm alone at a club/bar, he can be flirty. If I'm out shopping I would expect it to be flattering, but not embarrassing. If I'm at my kids school, he better keep his distance.

[ironshadow]

I am just curious. Are there any/many hotwives out there that are real estate agents? I always think that type of career would lend itself well to hotwifing. Especially for a wife that has children. I am sure it would be much easier to stay " under the radar ":)

[whtboyzwife]

OK, last one for a bit...

I'll give this a try: What do you like about being a hotwife?
It's a common thread on this board so can I add a slight variation? Rank the common responses as they apply to you.
1) More sex
2) Different sex
3) Better sex
4) I like the attention
5) I like turning hubby on
6) Something else (elaborate)

I would order it like this:
1) I like the attention
2) Different sex
3) I like turning hubby on
4) More sex

Better sex doesn't make it onto the list. Maybe there is better sex out there, but I'm super satisfied with what I have.
An interesting note; my hubby was surprised by my ranking. We started this lifestyle to turn my husband on and that's what he assumed would be my top rank, but my focus has changed and now I'm in it for the attention and different sex. That being said, if it no longer turned him on, we would likely quit.

[SSQ]

In a public setting, how do you hotwives prefer to be approached??

I prefer not to be approached in public. I find it very offputting.

I mean, unless I'm at the kind of place where it's "okay", like a dungeon or a fetish party or a sex club. Then have at it- just be polite and respectful, and treat me like more than a hole to put your cock in. People who approach me sex or fetish first never have a shot with me.

[mundyman]

Thank you ladies. I'm a firm believer that the way into a ladies panties is through her mind. The proper verbal foreplay can unlock the pearly gates. And its a lot of fun too!

[mundyman]

Although may I add two very different viewpoints.

[happygirl622]

I think being able to compliment the wife & the husband at the same time is a great skill. If you think you are sensing a "vibe" compliment her to the husband while they are together.
Talk to both parties.. Nothing worse then ignoring the other party, even if it's not her husband. Then find an excuse to walk away for a bit, giving them a private moment to talk in case they are discussing you & further action.

I agree with this... if its a HW couple they will be friendly and continue chatting. If not, they'll thank you and it won't be awkward. Definitely have a convo with the couple. While many hubbies are into the cuck lifestyle, there are variations of that too and not all cucks are into public humiliation. You don't want to blow your chance by assuming

At kids events... not cool.

[Buttercream]

I think if up make sure you aren't & she feels you aren't "copying" then it's ok. But that might the open door to a conversation...
Couple thoughts. Bare with me.
1. We don't always want our husbands to change because we like the consistency it brings but also, we, as a species, don't really like charge. AND because we might have to change & charge can be hard.
2. Opens a conversation that is something like.. "I was just trying something different, not really copying them. But since you mentioned it, maybe I should copy them because they... Get sex 1st, whenever they call/ask, etc.." List the things that you've listed here. Then you can tell her the truth that "Heck, I like to feel special sometimes to."

[beamish_boy]

I think you need to woo her! Romance her and give her the things she gets with a new guy.

I love this advice. It's all too easy to fall into a rut or take her for granted. Not hard to imagine why she might want to spend time with the guy who is new and novel, but who is also making an effort to make her feel special. Hopefully I can do a better job of doing that; not because of the 'competition' but because she is an amazing woman and should be treated as such.

Put this on you and how YOU can change the situation. Not on how to make her change.

Yet another thing I am contemplating today. We recently had a bump in the road, and it is certainly not all up to her to change things! It's so tempting to put everything on others, but really most of the time the problem only exists between my ears and nowhere else. Talking it out, putting on my Big Boy Pants, and taking ownership of my shit is the way to go...but not always easy.

[SSQ]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The New Dick?

Is this (within the range of) normal for the wife to ALWAYS want the BF 24/7 and mostly just want the hubby after the BF has his turn?

I think it is somewhat normal, but not to the extent you mentioned. I think you need to woo her! Romance her and give her the things she gets with a new guy. it seems like maybe you guys do the "same ole same ole" so she is enjoying the variety aspect the most SO give her variety!! Do something Completely out of character. (Though don't be surprised if the first couple of times you do this, she reacts "weirdly" cause you are not acting like she is expecting.
Put this on you and how YOU can change the situation. Not on how to make her change.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

OK, taking this advice, the last time I fucked my wife I threw her down and pondered her hard. She is submissive, and loves this from her BFs. I held her down and restrained her arms. I was very aggressive.

She did orgasm, but also as you sort of said, she was a bit weirded out. She thought I was trying to imitate her BFs. I told her that I just wanted to mix things up a bit. Try something new.

Her response was: "I like you the way you are. I don't want or need you to imitate my BFs. What we do together is great"

Go figure..

I don't want all my sex partners to be the same. That would be boring

[hopefulguy]

Here's a question for the hotwives that I am struggling with while my wife gets closer and closer to sealing the deal with her friend with promised future benefits. Can a hotwife have feelings for another guy without losing her feelings for her husband? Can she give attention and sex to another guy without putting her husband on the back burner?

[SSQ]

Here's a question for the hotwives that I am struggling with while my wife gets closer and closer to sealing the deal with her friend with promised future benefits. Can a hotwife have feelings for another guy without losing her feelings for her husband? Can she give attention and sex to another guy without putting her husband on the back burner?

Those are two separate issues. Some people are wired to have emotional attachment only to one person. Some people can quite happily be madly in love with more than one person. And there's a spectrum in between of what people are comfortable or happy with. Personally, I find that when I fall for a new partner, my feelings for my husband are strengthened. Think of it this way- poly people do this all the time, so it's not an automatic problem when your spouse develops feelings for another person.

In my opinion, the answer to the second question varies as well. NRE (new relationship energy) is really, really intense when you have a good connection. I have no doubt that my connection to my husband suffers a little early in a new relationship because I'm so focused on building things with my new partner. We're both aware of it, and if it gets to a level where he's uncomfortable, he mentions it and I consider my behaviour and see if I can change things so we're both happy. But for a few weeks or whatever, he knows that I'm going to be a little less logical about the new partner and while I would never say he's back burnered, I'd be more likely to want to spend my spare time with my new lover than with him. And that's perfectly normal in a new relationship. I just try to be conscious of it and do my best to show my husband that he is my primary and that he is the most important thing to me. In return, he knows and acknowledges that the NRE phase will not last forever, and lets me enjoy that with my new partner as much as he can without feeling neglected.

NRE lights up the same area of the brain as some drugs do. It's addictive and it makes people unreasonable and illogical and passionate in their pursuit of the new partner. So just because your spouse might seem besotted with someone, it doesn't mean that she doesn't love you. Good communication will help here. Tell her what you need to feel secure and happy in your marriage, and able to support her. If you can, be happy for her- there's nothing better than enjoying the flush of NRE and being able to share those feelings with your spouse.

[hopefulguy]

That seems like very good sense. Thank you for that.

[Buttercream]

SSQ said it so wonderfully!
It's the same as having more than one kid. 1 woman can have 8 kids but love them all equally, even if differently & another woman is overwhelmed with 2 kids.
You know your wife.. Does she have a big heart for people or is she more conservative?
Also, I read a little saying, that while isn't an exact science, I think it's pretty Damn close.

Like = can take or leave it
Love = good for right now
In Love = good for now & the future

While I love more than 1, my husband is the only one I'm in love with.
Good luck in this adventure.

[ThePilotsWife]

My question is this - I don't bring it up anymore, because I don't want to badger her with it. With her reactions, and talking about other guys at work, should I just wait until she finally decides one way or another what SHE wants to do?

In my opinion this is exactly what you should do. You already know your answer. She, keeps bringing it up so that tells you it is on her mind also. My husband has let me lead this adventure from day one, three years before I decided I wanted to pursue this for me. From personal experience I can tell you that it sometimes takes awhile for a woman to reconcile all the emotional turmoil that can come with choosing to follow through on actions that society has told us our whole lives will destroy a marriage. I can also tell you from personal experience that the mental journey to sexual freedom and the freedom from societal imposed restrictions on love, sex and marriage is an amazing one that I am very pleased to be on. Please be patient with your wife and open to anything she has to say regarding the subject. Know that her feelings on it may fluctuate wildly before she decides what is best for her. Best of luck!

[Buttercream]

ThePilotsWife pretty much said all I would say.
I only add 1 thing... Be ready to encourage her when she's ready & answer any questions she might ask.

[massage4wife]

My question is this - I don't bring it up anymore, because I don't want to badger her with it. With her reactions, and talking about other guys at work, should I just wait until she finally decides one way or another what SHE wants to do?

In my opinion this is exactly what you should do. You already know your answer. She, keeps bringing it up so that tells you it is on her mind also. My husband has let me lead this adventure from day one, three years before I decided I wanted to pursue this for me. From personal experience I can tell you that it sometimes takes awhile for a woman to reconcile all the emotional turmoil that can come with choosing to follow through on actions that society has told us our whole lives will destroy a marriage. I can also tell you from personal experience that the mental journey to sexual freedom and the freedom from societal imposed restrictions on love, sex and marriage is an amazing one that I am very pleased to be on. Please be patient with your wife and open to anything she has to say regarding the subject. Know that her feelings on it may fluctuate wildly before she decides what is best for her. Best of luck!

I really like that answer! Good job!

[jc6morw]

Would you, as a hotwife, be annoyed by flirtatious advances from a man if you knew he was a cuckold-like submissive who enjoys rejection, humiliation, (and anything you can dish out) and doesn't really expect any success? Or would you not mind since he's harmless? Or would you enjoy teasing and toying with him? Or would you consider it harrassment?