Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

[JeffBingham]

Jeff, different simple means that, different. In tons of subtle and also big ways, and listing them seems to be a dead end.

Your boss, coworkers, hairdresser, mechanic, postman, they are all different, right? Would you care to go into details? How far is that going to take you? Are you trying to be ambiguous?

Probably not, it just happens they ARE different.

You want to hear that they are BETTER and they probably are in some ways to our hubis. One knows more about english literature, another has nicer abs, and a third one wears an arousing perfume. But as a package hubis tend to be the best as they are more rounded up for us?

Thanks, Hooker. I totally get it now. If we ever get there in reality, I fully expect some guys to be better than me (God I hope so at least), others maybe not. Who knows and who cares. But I expect that each will be enjoyable in their own way. The reason I seemed to be obsessing over the word "different" is because for me, that's the whole point of this pursuit; New and different kinds of pleasure.

[JeffBingham]

OK ladies, totally new question. How can we help her get past her fears? Specifically, that when an actual person is involved you can't be sure of the outcomes. What if he gets too clingy or has a big mouth? What if she gets attached? What if I can't handle it like I thought I could? I know full well that there are definitely risks involved with this behavior, but I focus on the rewards that could be attained and I feel like the risks can be managed with total openness and communication. Unfortunately, these fears are too big for her right now and she can't get past them.

She admits that the fantasy is a huge turn on and we've been having a lot of fun and the best sex of our lives since we started playing with this fantasy. Not to mention how close and connected we feel. She loves how much it turns me on and how hard I get when she really gets herself into the role. My excitement feeds her excitement and the orgasms just keep coming.

I don't push her or pester her. I respect her feelings and understand why she has them. I'm patient with her and am content to just keep playing make believe, thinking that enough fantasy play will eventually lead her to more comfort with going further. She has my account info on here so she can read my posts and PM's, and I'm going to encourage her to get her own account and get verified so she can chat directly to other ladies.

Am I on the right track? Should I be doing anything different from what you can tell?

[Hooker]

yes you should. These are the things to discuss with her, candidly, open. There will be unexpected moments, you can freak out or learn from them. But BOTH of you. What are HER fears fantasies and expectations?

Dont ask us our answers do not count

[zoe]

What is the most outrageous sexual activity you aspire to achieve?

In so doing, is it pride or lust that drives this fantasy?

Z

[JeffBingham]

yes you should. These are the things to discuss with her, candidly, open. There will be unexpected moments, you can freak out or learn from them. But BOTH of you. What are HER fears fantasies and expectations?

Dont ask us our answers do not count

Thanks, Hooker (and thanks for the PM). I had made attempts in the past to pull this information out of her, but without much luck. Your reminder that only she can answer questions about herself made me rethink how I was approaching it. We spent a lot of time this weekend drinking, talking, and fucking. A LOT!

During the talking sessions, I asked her many questions about her fears and concerns. And I asked them in different ways, until she finally confided that her biggest fear is that I'll change the way I'll see her in the future. She's afraid that I'll feel differently about her, think less of her in some way. I listened and reassured her that I understood how she felt and why she might feel that way. I didn't try to talk her out of her feelings or tell her she was just being silly, but I did try to reassure her that there's nothing in this realm that could ever shake my respect and total devotion to her. I appreciate her willingness to share her fears with me and I suspect she has other concerns too, so I want to make sure she feels safe telling me those too.

You ladies helped Mrs Bingham and me make some serious communication progress. Thanks again!

[eldiablo311]

So my wife has been with 2 guys, in front of me, in the 4 years of our marriage. She has only gone through with this because she knows it is a fantasy of mine. She has admitted that it is exciting and she likes the flirting more than the sex so far. Both of the guys were smaller than me plus she was nervous, so she didn't cum either time, though the 2nd time she was a lot closer to cumming.

My question is this, if I drop the subject and wait for her to bring up the idea of fucking another man, it would probably never happen and never would have happened. How do I approach this going forward? I don't want to be pushy, but at the same time I know if I never bring it up, she won't ask to do it. Sometimes when I bring it up she seems more willing to consider the possibility than others.

I feel, that if the roles were reversed, out of respect for her and love for her I would NEVER bring up that I want to fuck another girl because this would make her feel like she isn't doing it for me and I need another person to be satisfied. I feel that is why I need to be the one to bring it up...at least every once in awhile.

What do you girls think?

[Hooker]

At the (serious) risk of being repetitive

Dialogue, talk, be open with each other. Running around the idea as perhaps you have already done takes you only so far.There is a second step

[coastalkid]

First off, thank you to all you HW's! A woman's perspective is an invaluable commodity!

I'm wondering if any of you have sensed your husband/bf losing the thrill of your fun? Seems like so many men want this so bad they are willing to hide their feelings for fear of losing a sexual life, a return to the vanilla life that you had before. I know I have a hard time getting a read on how my wife feels and we've been married 38 years! Who better than a spouse to hide their emotions considering you've learned to anticipate your partners reactions. I'd imagine (because I don't know) that if you were excited about what you were doing you'd want him to excited too at some level, otherwise what's the point of sharing it. Likewise, I can't imagine that any of you would think a pity fuck or saying, "Well this is your fantasy!" would recharge his enthusiasm for the long haul. Hell, I guess a better question might be do you need him to be enthusiastic? Have you experienced not having the same desire? What did you do? Did you question yourself about how it was going?

[tacoshare]

CoastalKid - we talk all the time. We check in with each other. Communication and lengthy discussions. I question and do check ins all the time. As does he. It's the only way to safely play this game. There are times where one of us likes a particular guy more than the other but that's to be expected. There are times where one of us may be enjoying the game more - that's natural. That's when more discussion happens and we figure out the next strategy or what our needs are. Team. I got spirit, yes I do.

BigHarry - That's a question for husbands and not necessarily the VHWs? I don't want another man's child. I got sterilized so that won't happen. I like to think my husband would support me in anything I chose but you'd have to ask him to be sure.

[wykedjasmine]

Taco share has hit both nails on the head as she typically does! !!!!!

costalkid - Sounding redundant...Communication is the key...R and I been together almost 15 years and I will tell you there is no misreading...why because we talk all the time. we made a pact at the very beginning to be blatantly honest...and if you have a question, concern or feeling to express it and we deal with it before it becomes an issue. I love this lifestyle and playing with others. I know he does too! I love watching him play with others...it is hot as hell! hiding your emotions from your spouse is a bit deceitful is how we operate!!! With all that said...if he ever said me with other guys bothered him and he wanted to stop...yes I would...as would he...He is the one I have a deep emotional connection and life with...As to vanilla...We would never go back to that point...it will always have a kinky twist in our relationship!

BigHarry - Neither of us want another child...I have had a surgical procedure so it is not probable to get pregnant and if i did i could not carry it to full term. but assuming I could...abortion would be an option for me, adoption or keeping it as well...My husband told me he would be fine no matter what WE decided though. Even if it was the man's idea...the woman still went and did the fucking...takes two to tango! At that point though, it is NOT about "who's idea it was" as you have a very real situation and that is what you have to deal with. So yes I would have total support here...I think most would!

[Hubbyhotwife1982]

Question is: how many of you are good with the hubby watching/joining in? Or does it have to go to dating on your own. Not into the humiliation aspect or her on her own. The big turn on is being able to view and share in her ecstasy! Facial expressions and movement. And have the option for her to have two cocks one being mine if she wanted.

[wykedjasmine]

Hubbyhotwife1982 - My husband is there almost all the time. He will join in at my request whenever i desire....probably 25% of the time if I had to guess. That is how we both like it. ! I think we are not the norm there...It is a personal preference for each couple of course. in our case he loves watching, and taking pics as you can see on my threads here I love him seeing me with others as that turns me on. He is not into the huge humiliation but loves hearing me moan and tell him how good it feels as I cum.

[Hubbyhotwife1982]

Wykedjasmine: thanks for the reply. Sounds like you guys do about what I think I would like. Well I know I would like to see it for sure. Currently just enjoying the slow long ride step by step with my wife. I like getting her clothes especially tops I think make her look sexy. We talk a bit about it. Mostly one sided from me with her commenting on what I am saying. We also role play in the bedroom a fair bit and she seems to enjoy the fantasy a fair bit there bit that could just be her enjoying the play and me hoping she really enjoys it lol. Anyway thanks again for the reply.

Hubby

[jovonn35]

As the "other" man in many situations over the years, two questions come to mind.

1) What percentage of hotwives are willing for their husbands to play also?

2) For those that don't, why the double standard? I do understand that some husbands simply do not want to but I have met a lot that did.

Thanks for any insight
Tiggerdog

I'd love my hubby to be with another woman...AND me. That's been my fantasy forever so hopefully we'll get that accomplished soon. But that's my rule for either scenario, I want him there regardless if it's a man or woman (when it finally happens) because my biggest turn on is watching him get turned on and blow his mind. So he can do whatever he wants as long as I get to play too.

[FWBinIndy]

Question is: how many of you are good with the hubby watching/joining in? Or does it have to go to dating on your own. Not into the humiliation aspect or her on her own. The big turn on is being able to view and share in her ecstasy! Facial expressions and movement. And have the option for her to have two cocks one being mine if she wanted.

I love MFM threesomes! Those are my personal favorite. I don't prefer to have hubby just watch because then I feel like I'm putting on a show instead of just being able to enjoy myself. For the same reason, if we are video taping an encounter, I prefer to just set the camera on a tripod and push RECORD. I don't look at the camera or talk to it or anything.

[Utopia1]

Question is: how many of you are good with the hubby watching/joining in? Or does it have to go to dating on your own. Not into the humiliation aspect or her on her own. The big turn on is being able to view and share in her ecstasy! Facial expressions and movement. And have the option for her to have two cocks one being mine if she wanted.

This is definitely more my turn on to fantastize about (fantasy because I have not yet experienced). After my first free pass alone I've actually realized I don't have any interest in going it alone again, at least right now. My requirement for any future playing is it is a must in having him there and being a part of it in anyway where he finds exciting and gets turned on. If he's not having fun, it will not be fun for me.

[Hubbyhotwife1982]

Nice to hear from you two. Glad to know you enjoy it as I am not really in to the send her off on her own thing. It's the watching and seeing her exited I am after. Thanks a bunch. I also have a thred on what steps we could take. Even small ones to ease her into it as she does not want to go fast and northern do I. It is called I need ideas. Thanks again for the response:)

[d355515]

To all the VHW, thanks for taking the time to express your views. How did you feel in the lead up to your first ever meet? What did you feel like once the other man left? What could your hubby have done to to make it easier (if you were feeling negative after)?

[sextiescouple]

That's a great question. How did you feel in the hours / days after that first assignation?

[Hooker]

assignation?

You are pointing towards a niche within all this, most where not "assigned" to anything and see more consensus than whatever your questions signals.

First time feelings? Just great, had no issues

[wykedjasmine]

first time was with a younger submissive college guy. I was a little nervous but more excited and very turned on. Picking out outfits together, picking out toys, planning the scene were all hot! just after was great. Husband and I were both very turned on, played and fucked all night! Then more the next morning. He was more than supportive and did everything to not only make me feel loved, and supported but to make the guy feel secure and welcomed into our lifestyle! Days after...still very turned on! But we communicate very well too!

[FunkyFreakynotFlthy]

I have a question. I'm new to this board. My wife is aware of my interest in this lifestyle. I'll ask the question first and provide some info about myself below it if you need context.

For those of you (HWs or husbands with similar situations) who were more conservative and got into this lifestyle.... what effect... and what did it do to your marriage? And specifically... what kind of issues did you and your husband face leading up to and after your first experience? (What I mean by conservative is not at all political or religious. Simply a woman who is more reserved physically and emotionally.)

About Me- Im new to the board. I don't really identify with a lot of the posts I've read so far. I'm not interested in any form of humiliation. I'm not into "cleaning up" or that kind of thing. I'm not attracted to this lifestyle because of penis envy or a need to be submissive. To those who are.... more power to you. I'm not judging I'm simply trying to state my mindset. I would probably be considered more of an Alpha. I'm a strong man both physically and emotionally. I feel very comfortable with my "manhood." I feel like the sex between myself and my wife is great. She seems to enjoy it lol. I keep things varied and interesting. I am very attentive with her both in and out of the bedroom. I know when she needs to fuck, fight, snuggle, left alone, or simply loved and enjoyed in all ways.

With that said... I got into this fetish for two reasons. The first is I'm a man lol. I use to have MFM threesomes with an ex and it was fun. She was very "sexual." I never loved her. Quite frankly I used her. I had sex with her anywhere, everywhere, and every way I could. But the hottest sex we ever had was MFM. I never knew I cared for it until I did it. I'm not gay. I'm not into looking at or touching dudes. In fact I looked at it a bit like sports. We kind of teamed up together to give her a wild night. And it was great. I do like teamwork lol. And the second reason is..... I'm a man lol. That should be self explanatory lol. I'm a horny mountain goat who is always seeking to conquer new lands and plant my seed lol. But that doesn't work very well in monogamous marriages right? And I love my wife. So.... over the years.... and I've been married a long time.... I began to substitute normal pornography for this type. I did not like watching porn of other women. I liked porn that had women very similar to my wife so that I could imagine it was her. And I did this consciously.... for a very specific reason. It was a way out. Male sexuality is almost uncontrollable. It cannot be stopped. Therefore I chose to direct it in a way that I felt comfortable. In short I used the "hotwife fantasy" in order to distract me from other women.... and to keep my focus on my wife. This obviously created problems. Because after 10 years of doing it.... I wanted to do it. And I wanted her to WANT to do it. I see a lot of very selfish men post here. They make their wives do things for their own selfish desires and it is disturbing. I'm sure that the bulk of people are not that way. But there are certainly a few I've seen. I personally do not want to force this on my wife. We have discussed it. She is aware of my fantasy. She is aware of my position. And we fantasize about it using various toys etc. I think there is a pretty good chance that she'd go for it for real under the right circumstances. But that's not what I'm here for. I'm not interested in finding out "how to make her do it" as so many men seem to be. Because that's her call. I'm more interested in the results. What is going to happen? I'm not particularly jealous. And I'm a strong person. I'm pretty sure I could handle it. I could not.... however.... handle her losing respect for herself... or for me. I know every woman is different. But please.... elaborate on your experience regarding this.

A bit about my wife.... She is beautiful lol. She is a bit shy. She's not promiscuous although she enjoys sex. Even after 10+ years of marriage we have sex 2-3 times a week on average with some lulls here and there. She's very loyal. She's intelligent and dedicated to virtually everything in her life. For example she is a manager in the professional world and does an excellent job of it. She has a wonderful sense of humor and is a bit vulgar. But she is the complete opposite when she's serious. She can joke about vulgar things. But she's not into vulgar sex etc. She's very big on self respect. She did not have many partners before me. And although we have a strong emotional connection it also involves a bit of distance. We both need space. I'm a musician. She loves to read. We're both very private people etc. Which of course makes this an interesting conundrum. Oh and.... whenever there is a problem.... she wants to bury her head in the sand. Over the years... I've learned how to handle that. But it does leave me guessing. And with this particular issue.... I cannot say one way or another how she feels. she does not feel violated. Otherwise I would sense it and stop. On occasion when I've been in the mood to "fantasize" and she is not.... I pay attention... and I stop. But there are times (especially when she's fresh off her cycle) that she gets totally freaky and tells me she wants me to watch her get fucked which is hot as fucking hell lol.

Again I'm not interested in "how to make her do this." That will either come or it wont. I'm interested in what effects it had on your marriage. Did you lose respect for your husband? For yourself? How did it change your relationship? What (from your perspective) did he go through once this started? Unlike the freaky Ex Girlfriend I had in my early 20's.... I actually love my wife. I love and respect her. If I could have my cake and eat it to I would. But I'm so unsure. And I know that no answer you all give will actually apply to my relationship. I'm just looking for any advice that could help should we choose to cross this bridge. Is there anything I can do to help her through it once the deed is done? I'm okay if we find out this is not for us either before or after we cross that bridge. I'm not okay with losing her respect. And I'm especially opposed to making her feel like a thing instead of a person. Especially my wife. Because that means something to me.

BTW I've tried several times before to sever my "addiction" to this type of fantasy. And again I'm a pretty attractive alpha male. I find myself flirting with every woman I meet. And it's just for fun. But as time goes on..... I start to fantasize about other women. And as bad as the whole "hotwifing" thing may seem to some people. I have much less of a problem fantasizing about my wife with other men than I do fantasizing about other women. Plus for some reason it makes her insanely desirable. That I cannot describe. I suppose it's something to do with nature. Therefore I have purposely come back to this fantasy over and over again. I even went about 2 months without masturbating once trying to break the sexual addiction. But like I said.... that's dangerous for a man like me.... because although I love my wife and would never want to cheat... I am a man. And if I'm in the wrong situation and all charged up.... I could see myself doing it. Which is a real shame.

Anyway thank you. Sorry for the length of the post. (She doesn't seem to mind:)

[sextiescouple]

Hooker, from Dictionary.com:

Assignation, an appointment for a meeting, especially a lover's secret rendezvous.

Yeah, I get into big words, please forgive me.

[Hallonsoda]

Do you get turned on by having your cuckold in the same room while you fuck other men?

Do you get turned on by telling him all the details?

Can you tell if your cuckold is enjoying himself or is actually suffering?

Do you still have sex with your cuckold?

Yes I love having my huisband there....and we both get very turned on. I love describing how it feels and what is happening occasionally as he watches...adds to the intensity. IO am VERY good at reading him yes! Of course I still have sex with husband. It is too good not too!

How long did it take for you to embrace this hotwife lifestyle? And how did it all come about?

[wykedjasmine]

We have always been kinky...We have had many women join us as submissives throughout the years...so it was a natural progression....It kind of presented itself to us so we went with it and loved it...