Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

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mondoshaman
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Re: Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

Unread post by mondoshaman » Fri Dec 28, 2018 10:40 pm

Oh, heavens. This thread is GOLD.

I have been going through the voluminous 32 pages (so far) and learning a lot along the way, not to mention the hilarious arithmetic reduction of prospective partners (http://ourhotwives.org/forum/viewtopic. ... 50#p498573) which actually gave me *some* hope that, as a non-creepy, not married, clean, car-owning, in the proper age range for at least some on here, local partner-seeking, with my own non-hotel place and also happy to go on dates kinda guy, I *might* possibly stand a chance to find the hotwife of my dreams some day. Maybe.

I want to take a moment to say THANK YOU to all the VHWs on here who have spent a lot of time and energy composing really complete, informative, enlightening answers to so many questions, many of which we hapless dudes really have no idea. You are doing God's work.

I don't have a question of my own at the moment, although I undoubtedly will have one at some point, but wanted to express gratitude.

That is all.

Iris777

Re: Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

Unread post by Iris777 » Wed Jan 02, 2019 10:49 am

2inUPMichigan wrote:
Wisher wrote:Ladies Only ....


There are a lot of different threads where guys discuss wearing feminine things. I rarely see any of the wives comment in any way. Is that because:

1. You don't see those threads?

2. You avoid those threads?

3. You choose not to comment so as not to offend?

4. You really don't like it?
For me it's just not something that appeals to me in a partner.
I have no issues with men in general choosing to wear feminine clothing but I don't find it sexy at all. No point in making comments on a subject that I have no interest in, there are plenty of other threads that do interest me. (live and let live)
So my answers are:
Yes I see the threads but have no interest
No I don't purposely avoid them but again it isn't something that would catch my interest
My not commenting has nothing to do with not offending it is lack of interest.
Really don't like? I guess I could fit here. It's not my thing! But I don't dislike that others choose this.
Pretty much sums it up for me too.

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SSQ
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Re: Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

Unread post by SSQ » Wed Jan 02, 2019 11:27 am

Wisher wrote:Ladies Only ....


There are a lot of different threads where guys discuss wearing feminine things. I rarely see any of the wives comment in any way. Is that because:

1. You don't see those threads?

2. You avoid those threads?

3. You choose not to comment so as not to offend?

4. You really don't like it?
I tend not to comment because it doesn't interest me when other people do it. It's not a fetish that is a primary interest of mine, but I can enjoy the connection it fosters with a specific partner. My new boyfriend enjoys that, and I have a close friend who enjoys dressing. I can get into with them just because I enjoy playing with that person.

I also hate it when people use crossdressing as a way of humiliation. Why would I think that someone wearing feminine clothing, which I wear, is demeaning or humiliating? It makes no sense. I wear shirts that belong to my husband or my boyfriend because I like wearing their clothes- it makes me feel close to them. If they feel sexy wearing women's clothing, I am all for that.
It's all fun until someone gets hurt... and then it's more fun! :whip:

https://thehappyhotwife.blogspot.com/

pervo2
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Re: Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

Unread post by pervo2 » Wed Jan 02, 2019 1:13 pm

I know that I will probably be pilloried for asking this question, but I am honestly curious. Do many hotwives reach a point with their husbands where they just get so tired of hearing about this, being badgered, prodded, and pressured, that they act on their husbands desires just to shut them up?
I am sincere in my question. I think I came very close to having this happen with my wife and it took a long time to repair the damage.

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Re: Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

Unread post by SSQ » Wed Jan 02, 2019 3:34 pm

pervo2 wrote:I know that I will probably be pilloried for asking this question, but I am honestly curious. Do many hotwives reach a point with their husbands where they just get so tired of hearing about this, being badgered, prodded, and pressured, that they act on their husbands desires just to shut them up?
I am sincere in my question. I think I came very close to having this happen with my wife and it took a long time to repair the damage.
There is a lot of talk about hotwifing in other kink communities, and this is the one thing that seems to separate hotwifing from them. Women post and say they feel like fetish dolls in their husbands' fantasies. That they don't believe that the men really think it's about their wives' sexual pleasure at all; that it's about the wives giving their husbands wank material.

For all the comments here about doing it as a team and such... there seems to be an awful lot of men who aren't doing it as part of a team, but for themselves, and just paying lip service to the concept that it's for the wife. Especially since after she does it, he tends to have a meltdown because she didn't do it exactly the way he fantasized about, or she enjoyed it too much, or maybe she wants to see the guy again.

But honestly, this is a thing that happens in vanilla sex, too. Men keep pestering and women eventually say yes because it's easier to say yes than to keep fending off someone pushy. But they don't actually WANT to. And who on earth wants to have sex with someone who actually doesn't want to have sex with you? Except maybe someone so self centred that they don't give a shit about anyone's desires but their own. And yes, this is applicable to hotwifing too. Why would you want to do something sexual with your wife that she doesn't want to do?
It's all fun until someone gets hurt... and then it's more fun! :whip:

https://thehappyhotwife.blogspot.com/

belvedere
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Re: Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

Unread post by belvedere » Wed Jan 02, 2019 5:38 pm

Hi everyone, it is my first step here and I hope not to be SO repetitive....

Well, I consider my self a stag in progress (39 years old straight man), and my wife a vixen, as well, in progress. But she is not really willing to talk openly about her fellings and my fellings so far. I have sharing hotwife memes with her on line very offen to criate the "road" for it. She was very conservative in terms of sex perfomance and dressing, but one thing I realise since the beggining was her flirty behaviour when we are out and some guy fix the eyes on her....in this situation she start to do the same....

After around 6 mounths of hotwife incentive (basically memes and pillow talk when in bed) she began a wear red shining lipstick frequently, and a little bit (yes, just a little) more revealing outfits, and high heals. She is very atractive and sexy woman (36 years old).

The issue here is, she hasnt admited these flirty moments ever...we are married over 10 years and I noticed her flirtying 8 times In kind of deep flirt.

The last moment like this was 2 days ago in the New Years party, she was very gorgeus, very red lipstick, very sexy dress and high heels...we were dancing near a young guy (around 20's) and they start to flirt a lot! I was keeping her always in front of him when dancing with me and sometimes walking around to get the way clean for them to flirt. She got very excited...she dance in a more provocative way (not so much) and was very happy. The guy was dancing around all the time. When we return to the hotel we had a great time together and she was veeery wet....but again she refuse to admit the flirt.

The flirty behaviour arouses me a lot and she knows that...I use to tell her and be very hard when in bed talking about it.

My question is, is the refusing flirt ormal at the beggining? I use to wonder way should her be so resistent to share her thoughs with me...How could I deal with it in order to make her feel confort to be more open and move forward?

Any other general adive to help us here to walk in this road?

Thank you

Belvedere

pervo2
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Re: Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

Unread post by pervo2 » Sat Jan 05, 2019 7:52 am

There is a lot of talk about hotwifing in other kink communities, and this is the one thing that seems to separate hotwifing from them. Women post and say they feel like fetish dolls in their husbands' fantasies. That they don't believe that the men really think it's about their wives' sexual pleasure at all; that it's about the wives giving their husbands wank material.

For all the comments here about doing it as a team and such... there seems to be an awful lot of men who aren't doing it as part of a team, but for themselves, and just paying lip service to the concept that it's for the wife. Especially since after she does it, he tends to have a meltdown because she didn't do it exactly the way he fantasized about, or she enjoyed it too much, or maybe she wants to see the guy again.

But honestly, this is a thing that happens in vanilla sex, too. Men keep pestering and women eventually say yes because it's easier to say yes than to keep fending off someone pushy. But they don't actually WANT to. And who on earth wants to have sex with someone who actually doesn't want to have sex with you? Except maybe someone so self centred that they don't give a shit about anyone's desires but their own. And yes, this is applicable to hotwifing too. Why would you want to do something sexual with your wife that she doesn't want to do?[/quote]

Thanks for your reply and input. I think that your insight is spot on for a lot of couples. On this web site there seems to be a tremendous amount of energy expended on convincing wives to do something that they really don't really seem to want to do. It seems that this is really something that is much more for the husband.
If the wife is really interested in or thinking about sex with other guys, she really isn't going to need much persuasion or she is already doing it. I speak from experience. I almost ruined my sex life with my wife by constantly returning to this theme.

2inUPMichigan
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Re: Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

Unread post by 2inUPMichigan » Mon Jan 07, 2019 5:27 am

belvedere wrote:Hi everyone, it is my first step here and I hope not to be SO repetitive....

Well, I consider my self a stag in progress (39 years old straight man), and my wife a vixen, as well, in progress. But she is not really willing to talk openly about her fellings and my fellings so far. I have sharing hotwife memes with her on line very offen to criate the "road" for it. She was very conservative in terms of sex perfomance and dressing, but one thing I realise since the beggining was her flirty behaviour when we are out and some guy fix the eyes on her....in this situation she start to do the same....

After around 6 mounths of hotwife incentive (basically memes and pillow talk when in bed) she began a wear red shining lipstick frequently, and a little bit (yes, just a little) more revealing outfits, and high heals. She is very atractive and sexy woman (36 years old).

The issue here is, she hasnt admited these flirty moments ever...we are married over 10 years and I noticed her flirtying 8 times In kind of deep flirt.

The last moment like this was 2 days ago in the New Years party, she was very gorgeus, very red lipstick, very sexy dress and high heels...we were dancing near a young guy (around 20's) and they start to flirt a lot! I was keeping her always in front of him when dancing with me and sometimes walking around to get the way clean for them to flirt. She got very excited...she dance in a more provocative way (not so much) and was very happy. The guy was dancing around all the time. When we return to the hotel we had a great time together and she was veeery wet....but again she refuse to admit the flirt.

The flirty behaviour arouses me a lot and she knows that...I use to tell her and be very hard when in bed talking about it.

My question is, is the refusing flirt ormal at the beggining? I use to wonder way should her be so resistent to share her thoughs with me...How could I deal with it in order to make her feel confort to be more open and move forward?

Any other general adive to help us here to walk in this road?

Thank you

Belvedere
First piece of advice is don't push her, especially if she is a very conservative woman, you don't want it backfiring on you.
I would say from the information that you have given that she is perhaps feeling more confident and comfortable in her own skin. She is flattered by the attention that she is receiving and it makes her feel good, therefore she might be trying to seek it out.
However that does not mean that she is interested in a hot wife lifestyle. It is a huge jump from being flattered by the attention of other men to play time!
You say she is flirting .... Does that just mean looks and smiles or does that mean that she is actually talking to these men and verbally flirting with them.
Compliment her new changes to her appearance but don't call a lot of attention to it or that may disappear. Sit back and watch her enjoy the attention of other men looking at her and notice her reactions. Try a comment "that guy was really checking you out" to see what her response is.
Slow and steady baby steps. You might just gain a more sexually confident woman! Will she be interested in a hot wife lifestyle? Only she can answer that question, but you have a long way to go before asking that question.

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Re: Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

Unread post by DaveS » Fri Jan 11, 2019 4:20 pm

For the Hotwives -

As I wrote about in my introductory story "First Creampie", my wife had been fucking her poly boyfriend a couple of times a week for over a year with my knowledge and consent - and would share their sexual adventures when she was having sex with me,but that was as far as it went - until a few weeks ago, when she came home from banging her boyfriend but didn't bother to clean up (as she always had before). As we often do, we started going at it as soon as she got home - only to stick my fingers in a pussy full of fresh cum. I was shocked, but also felt compelled to go down on her - even though I had never really given a lot of thought to eating creampies. She asked me if I was sure but didn't resist - and then seemed to really enjoy it - cumming hard before I finished.

Of course, after I came and the sexual tension was released, I was thinking "what the fuck have I done" - and was really concerned that my wife would think I was gay or some kind of really weird pervert - for licking a pussy full of another man's cum. But it turned out that it had really turned her on and she asked me a few minutes later if it was something I would do again. I replied "probably" since she seemed to like the idea and since I had enjoyed the experience as well - but without wanting to seem to eager to go slurping up more cum. She smiled and said she thought it was real sexy - and a few minutes later promised to bring me home another fresh creampie for Sunday lunch, after her Sunday morning sex date. She did and I ate it, and a few more since.

Now, while I am not in the least bit homophobic, and would not be bothered by crossing swords in an MFM threesome, or perhaps even grabbing one to guide it in or something, having straight on sex with men is not my thing, and I have no desire to consume any cum straight from the fountain. And I'm not really into the cuckold thing - it's not about sexualized humiliation or kink - really, right now I would identify as poly with some hotwife husband mixed in for fun. (I also have a poly girlfriend that I see once a month when she is in town on business - so it's not just about enjoying my wife being with other men). I really don't even get it myself why it seems so damned hot to lick up the cum that has been left in a pussy - but maybe being in a pussy is reason enough.

So question - do you hotwives particularly enjoy having your creampies eaten? Does it seem sexy? Or disgusting? Uncomfortable? Does it make the man doing the eating seem less masculine - or possibly even bi/gay? Some of you may be used to it by now - but what did you think in the beginning - the first time your husband licked another man's cum from your pussy?

Thanks in advance for any thoughts.

DaveS

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Re: Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

Unread post by SSQ » Fri Jan 11, 2019 4:42 pm

DaveS wrote:For the Hotwives -

As I wrote about in my introductory story "First Creampie", my wife had been fucking her poly boyfriend a couple of times a week for over a year with my knowledge and consent - and would share their sexual adventures when she was having sex with me,but that was as far as it went - until a few weeks ago, when she came home from banging her boyfriend but didn't bother to clean up (as she always had before). As we often do, we started going at it as soon as she got home - only to stick my fingers in a pussy full of fresh cum. I was shocked, but also felt compelled to go down on her - even though I had never really given a lot of thought to eating creampies. She asked me if I was sure but didn't resist - and then seemed to really enjoy it - cumming hard before I finished.

Of course, after I came and the sexual tension was released, I was thinking "what the fuck have I done" - and was really concerned that my wife would think I was gay or some kind of really weird pervert - for licking a pussy full of another man's cum. But it turned out that it had really turned her on and she asked me a few minutes later if it was something I would do again. I replied "probably" since she seemed to like the idea and since I had enjoyed the experience as well - but without wanting to seem to eager to go slurping up more cum. She smiled and said she thought it was real sexy - and a few minutes later promised to bring me home another fresh creampie for Sunday lunch, after her Sunday morning sex date. She did and I ate it, and a few more since.

Now, while I am not in the least bit homophobic, and would not be bothered by crossing swords in an MFM threesome, or perhaps even grabbing one to guide it in or something, having straight on sex with men is not my thing, and I have no desire to consume any cum straight from the fountain. And I'm not really into the cuckold thing - it's not about sexualized humiliation or kink - really, right now I would identify as poly with some hotwife husband mixed in for fun. (I also have a poly girlfriend that I see once a month when she is in town on business - so it's not just about enjoying my wife being with other men). I really don't even get it myself why it seems so damned hot to lick up the cum that has been left in a pussy - but maybe being in a pussy is reason enough.

So question - do you hotwives particularly enjoy having your creampies eaten? Does it seem sexy? Or disgusting? Uncomfortable? Does it make the man doing the eating seem less masculine - or possibly even bi/gay? Some of you may be used to it by now - but what did you think in the beginning - the first time your husband licked another man's cum from your pussy?

Thanks in advance for any thoughts.

DaveS
Labels are sticky. No, if you're licking a woman's pussy then I can't see that as a gay act regardless of what's in it.

Personally, I love having my pussy licked when it's full of semen for a lot of reasons. First of all, I'm probably very aroused and sensitive if I just had sex, so a tongue is going to feel amazing. Secondly, I just plain love having my pussy licked. And thirdly, it's hot because I have a fetish around my partner consuming body fluids of various types, so I get off on that.

My ex would eat his own cum out of my pussy, and my boyfriend will do it now. My husband doesn't enjoy it but he's not a big fan of pussy licking or body fluids, sadly.
It's all fun until someone gets hurt... and then it's more fun! :whip:

https://thehappyhotwife.blogspot.com/

wykedjasmine
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Re: Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

Unread post by wykedjasmine » Sat Jan 12, 2019 12:43 am

DaveS wrote:For the Hotwives -

As I wrote about in my introductory story "First Creampie", my wife had been fucking her poly boyfriend a couple of times a week for over a year with my knowledge and consent - and would share their sexual adventures when she was having sex with me,but that was as far as it went - until a few weeks ago, when she came home from banging her boyfriend but didn't bother to clean up (as she always had before). As we often do, we started going at it as soon as she got home - only to stick my fingers in a pussy full of fresh cum. I was shocked, but also felt compelled to go down on her - even though I had never really given a lot of thought to eating creampies. She asked me if I was sure but didn't resist - and then seemed to really enjoy it - cumming hard before I finished.

Of course, after I came and the sexual tension was released, I was thinking "what the fuck have I done" - and was really concerned that my wife would think I was gay or some kind of really weird pervert - for licking a pussy full of another man's cum. But it turned out that it had really turned her on and she asked me a few minutes later if it was something I would do again. I replied "probably" since she seemed to like the idea and since I had enjoyed the experience as well - but without wanting to seem to eager to go slurping up more cum. She smiled and said she thought it was real sexy - and a few minutes later promised to bring me home another fresh creampie for Sunday lunch, after her Sunday morning sex date. She did and I ate it, and a few more since.

Now, while I am not in the least bit homophobic, and would not be bothered by crossing swords in an MFM threesome, or perhaps even grabbing one to guide it in or something, having straight on sex with men is not my thing, and I have no desire to consume any cum straight from the fountain. And I'm not really into the cuckold thing - it's not about sexualized humiliation or kink - really, right now I would identify as poly with some hotwife husband mixed in for fun. (I also have a poly girlfriend that I see once a month when she is in town on business - so it's not just about enjoying my wife being with other men). I really don't even get it myself why it seems so damned hot to lick up the cum that has been left in a pussy - but maybe being in a pussy is reason enough.

So question - do you hotwives particularly enjoy having your creampies eaten? Does it seem sexy? Or disgusting? Uncomfortable? Does it make the man doing the eating seem less masculine - or possibly even bi/gay? Some of you may be used to it by now - but what did you think in the beginning - the first time your husband licked another man's cum from your pussy?

Thanks in advance for any thoughts.

DaveS
I will concur with SSQ as well as old and jaded. I will add that I think we get stuck on labels in the lifestyle. Are you gay from this one act...NO! I mean you had no male/male contact. It was an intensely intimate act between the two of you...Does it really matter what it is as long as toy both consent and in your case more importantly she absolutely loved it...thus you loved it too! You were worried how she was going to feel...or think of you and you found out it was a huge turn on for both of you...how awesome. I enjoy dominating men, and I love forced bi occasionally with two submissives in a MFM threesome (all consensual of course !!). I will tell you almost every one of my guys would not consider themselves gay...or even bi in the sense they want to be with another guy, most would not just be with a man...but the act of doing it with and for me was a HUGE turn on for them because it was a huge turn on for me and they loved pleasing me. Does that make them gay, or bi? probably not in the strict definition...but who cares? We all had fun and enjoyed ourselves! ;)
Sexy Dominant poly hotwife

My current thread catching up on my adventures
viewtopic.php?f=9&t=58234

DaveS
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Re: Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

Unread post by DaveS » Sat Jan 12, 2019 8:45 am

Thanks for the replies, Ladies!

SSQ wrote:
Labels are sticky. No, if you're licking a woman's pussy then I can't see that as a gay act regardless of what's in it.
This is honestly how I feel about it - it was not about the cum per se, but about the experience of eating a freshly fucked pussy, the cum is just a prerequisite part of the deal. And, again, (although not homphobic by any means) - I am not doubting my own masculinity or hetero-identity because I am licking a pussy full of semen. My concern was that my wife might see it as unmanly or even gay - turns out she didn't, and even found it sexy - and more than willing to make a regular habit of it.

Old and jaded wrote:
I would say whether its bi/gay (not that theres anything wrong with that) depends on what your frame of reference is. If you are eating cum out of your wifes pussy because you like to eat your wifes (or anyone elses, for that matter) pussy, regardless of whether its full of cum, then no.
If you are eating the cum out of your wifes pussy because its another mans cum, then well..
Interesting thought - and rings true. Regardless of whether it is full of cum makes the point. I once had a long discussion that led to the belief that some men eat pussy out of obligation - because it's the right thing to do - to make sure there partner also cums (but don't really care for it). Other men also enjoy the woman's reaction - the sound of her cumming, bucking against them - then other men also love eating pussy just because for the sake of eating pussy - they love the taste, the smell, the sensation, the woman's reactions. I fall into the latter category - and have earned my red wings along the way, and often travel to the backdoor as well - so eating a creampie is just sort a natural extension. And it does add to the variety, and even though I would have no desire to give a blow job to experience the taste of cum - when mixed with pussy juice, it makes for an interesting experience.

Wykedjasmine wrote:
I will add that I think we get stuck on labels in the lifestyle. Are you gay from this one act...NO! I mean you had no male/male contact. It was an intensely intimate act between the two of you...Does it really matter what it is as long as toy both consent and in your case more importantly she absolutely loved it...thus you loved it too! You were worried how she was going to feel...or think of you and you found out it was a huge turn on for both of you...how awesome.
Perfectly said! Thank you.
but the act of doing it with and for me was a HUGE turn on for them because it was a huge turn on for me and they loved pleasing me. Does that make them gay, or bi? probably not in the strict definition...but who cares? We all had fun and enjoyed ourselves!
Interesting thought here too. I once read an article about strap-on pegging - with the major point being that guys are scared of getting fucked with a strap-on because it will make them gay, seem gay, or fear that they are latently gay, or that the woman will see them as bi, etc.... But, the author pointed out, how can sex between a man and a woman be gay just because a particular toy was used. It is easy to get hung up on labels and such.

Thanks again for the thoughts! I may have more to add later but I have to sign off for the moment.

DaveS

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Re: Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

Unread post by pervo2 » Sat Jan 12, 2019 8:53 am

My wife and I have started using porn to add a little variety and spice to our love life. Some videos really turn her on and some she doesn't enjoy at all. I have introduced a few that focus on MFM, hotwifing and swinging, to see what her reaction is. Again, she seems to enjoy some, but most she doesn't enjoy at all.
I realize that a lot of these videos feature obvious porn pros so they are pretty unrealistic. Others seem to be pretty phony set ups and some are pretty degrading, so I can see why she doesn't care for them. They don't do much for me either.
So, I am asking you experienced and insightful ladies if you can recommend any videos that present MFM, swinging or hotwifing in a more positive light and in a way that is more appealing to women.
Thanks.

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Re: Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

Unread post by HersAlone » Sat Jan 12, 2019 6:46 pm

Perhaps the men could butt out of this thread and let the VHWs answer the questions?

DaveS
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Re: Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

Unread post by DaveS » Sun Jan 13, 2019 6:31 pm

HersAlone wrote:Perhaps the men could butt out of this thread and let the VHWs answer the questions?
I hesitate to even respond to this remark since is the HW answers' thread, but I feel I must reply that two of the ladies did graciously answer my question (and the other answer I assumed was from a lady - but the screen name was actually somewhat ambiguous). I replied to thank them and highlight what I appreciated about their responses - seemed to me that would be in the spirit of the thread - but, if not, please excuse my inexperience on this forum. I can't speak to any other replies.

DaveS

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Re: Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

Unread post by MrMayhem » Tue Jan 15, 2019 8:54 am

I would much appreciate any advice or comments about my situation. Here is the question or dilemma: is it the right approach for my wife to have her first hotwifing experience with an ex-boyfriend?

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Some background: I am 42, and my wife is 30 years old. We've been happily married for eight years, and from day one have been very honest and open about our sexuality and fantasies. To this day we have a smoking hot sex life that we both believe is a product of the transparency into our kinks.

From the moment we became intimate our fantasies/pillow talk included exhibitionism and voyeurism. By the second month of our young relationship, we would often talk about a soft/full swap, single guy scenarios (MFM, hotwifing, etc.), and gang bangs.

The hotwifing scenario focused mostly on her ex-boyfriend who she had remained friendly. Her desire or fantasy to hotwife with him was to remind him of what he missed out on. I encouraged the idea, and both of us were secure with communicating with our exes. The thought of her exploring this with her ex was exciting for me, and she loved the idea because it turned me on and she also likes the attention.

About the 2-3 year of our marriage, we decided to dip our toes into the swinger lifestyle and opened an account on a couples site. One thing led to another and eventually, our curiosity propelled us to visit a lifestyle club where we experienced our first soft swap situation and have enjoyed the club atmosphere a few times. We’ve also attended a lifestyle resort.

The visits to the resort and club only heightened our sexuality and fantasies. We entertained the idea of adding a single guy to the mix (MFM). We vetted a few guys and narrowed it down to one. We exchanged messages pictures etc. then planned a night to meet. On the night we were supposed to meet my wife got cold feet and backed out. She expressed reluctance, guilt, and feared what might happen afterward. I was disappointed but supportive of her decision. That put an abrupt stop to our exploration of the lifestyle and hotwifing. I would also add that she said she had no desire to be with anyone else or to share me. During this time we continued the fantasy of hotwifing and lifestyle fantasies, and she’s maintained her chats with her ex.

Now the fantasy of hotwifing is front and center again. We are mostly prompted by the messages from her ex and my suggestions to be adventurous. We collectively have reached a point where we want to be more adventurous and playful in and outside of the bedroom.

Now she feels she may be ready to explore swinging. But wants to explore being with another male first on her own before she can decide if full swap swinging is for her. The encouraging part for her is his character and knowing he is comfortable being her boy toy and the sex purely physical.

With that said, they were supposed to meet on New Years, but he backed out. To this point, our lifestyle status has not progressed, and we remained more swayers than swingers hinged on this outcome.

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Re: Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

Unread post by 2inUPMichigan » Tue Jan 15, 2019 2:00 pm

MrMayhem wrote:I would much appreciate any advice or comments about my situation. Here is the question or dilemma: is it the right approach for my wife to have her first hotwifing experience with an ex-boyfriend?

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Some background: I am 42, and my wife is 30 years old. We've been happily married for eight years, and from day one have been very honest and open about our sexuality and fantasies. To this day we have a smoking hot sex life that we both believe is a product of the transparency into our kinks.

From the moment we became intimate our fantasies/pillow talk included exhibitionism and voyeurism. By the second month of our young relationship, we would often talk about a soft/full swap, single guy scenarios (MFM, hotwifing, etc.), and gang bangs.

The hotwifing scenario focused mostly on her ex-boyfriend who she had remained friendly. Her desire or fantasy to hotwife with him was to remind him of what he missed out on. I encouraged the idea, and both of us were secure with communicating with our exes. The thought of her exploring this with her ex was exciting for me, and she loved the idea because it turned me on and she also likes the attention.

About the 2-3 year of our marriage, we decided to dip our toes into the swinger lifestyle and opened an account on a couples site. One thing led to another and eventually, our curiosity propelled us to visit a lifestyle club where we experienced our first soft swap situation and have enjoyed the club atmosphere a few times. We’ve also attended a lifestyle resort.

The visits to the resort and club only heightened our sexuality and fantasies. We entertained the idea of adding a single guy to the mix (MFM). We vetted a few guys and narrowed it down to one. We exchanged messages pictures etc. then planned a night to meet. On the night we were supposed to meet my wife got cold feet and backed out. She expressed reluctance, guilt, and feared what might happen afterward. I was disappointed but supportive of her decision. That put an abrupt stop to our exploration of the lifestyle and hotwifing. I would also add that she said she had no desire to be with anyone else or to share me. During this time we continued the fantasy of hotwifing and lifestyle fantasies, and she’s maintained her chats with her ex.

Now the fantasy of hotwifing is front and center again. We are mostly prompted by the messages from her ex and my suggestions to be adventurous. We collectively have reached a point where we want to be more adventurous and playful in and outside of the bedroom.

Now she feels she may be ready to explore swinging. But wants to explore being with another male first on her own before she can decide if full swap swinging is for her. The encouraging part for her is his character and knowing he is comfortable being her boy toy and the sex purely physical.

With that said, they were supposed to meet on New Years, but he backed out. To this point, our lifestyle status has not progressed, and we remained more swayers than swingers hinged on this outcome.
I highlighted two statements that really stand out to me. The first statement concerns me in that there could be some left over emotional attachment. Will it truly be a purely sexual relationship if they have so much history? She wants him to know what he is missing? That doesn't sound like a casual sex partner that you are playing with. (just my interpretation)
She wants to try a solo before a full swap.... ok, but does she only want that solo if it is with her ex? She has already been with him in the past, not sure how a solo with him would actually make any decisions clearer about swinging?
Does she really want to be in this lifestyle? Or does she just want to have sex with her ex?
Think things through and communicate outside the bedroom about everything related to this lifestyle and why each of you is interested in pursuing it.
I wish you luck on your journey.

rascalnvixen

Re: Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

Unread post by rascalnvixen » Tue Jan 15, 2019 3:30 pm

Couldn't have said that any better, 2UP!! Totally agree!

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Re: Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

Unread post by MrMayhem » Wed Jan 16, 2019 9:06 am

2inUPMichigan wrote: I highlighted two statements that really stand out to me. The first statement concerns me in that there could be some left over emotional attachment. Will it truly be a purely sexual relationship if they have so much history? She wants him to know what he is missing? That doesn't sound like a casual sex partner that you are playing with. (just my interpretation)
She wants to try a solo before a full swap.... ok, but does she only want that solo if it is with her ex? She has already been with him in the past, not sure how a solo with him would actually make any decisions clearer about swinging?

Does she really want to be in this lifestyle? Or does she just want to have sex with her ex?
Think things through and communicate outside the bedroom about everything related to this lifestyle and why each of you is interested in pursuing it.
I wish you luck on your journey.
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. It’s been over ten years since they’ve had any contact and you mention a valid concern in your first observation “is there left over emotional attachment?” I would say no. I do think there wasn’t any closure any this could be a way to finalize that chapter.

Second observation “does she only want solo if it’s with her ex?” She wants to start solo play with her ex as a way to spring board into future solo play and to see what her level of comfortablity would be with a stranger. Her view is that she no longer knows her ex and he basically is a stranger after ten years.

Third observation “does she really want to be in this lifestyle?” She could take it or leave it. She’s only wanting to pursue HWing if I want her to. Otherwise she has no interest in her ex. He would only be there to fill in the boy toy role. If I say no go. She would pass.

Update: he has flaked our and not communicated with us since the initial communication.

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Re: Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

Unread post by calimex » Wed Jan 16, 2019 9:31 am

I have a pretty simple question. We are a newbie couple....here is some quick background. My wife being willing to eagerly throw caution to the wind and agreeing to share herself with her husband and another man is amazing....but also pretty unbelievable if you knew her at all. It's not really just that she is doing it....but that she is doing it because it is what SHE wants. By nature my wife is shy, quiet, reserved, and submissive. Growing up, she was in a situation where she basically had to keep her head down so nobody would notice her. Then, her first husband was extremely strict, controlling and jealous....which only made things worse. So when I first met her (the love of my life) she had never really learned to do anything for herself, or had done anything specifically because it was for her own pleasure. Watching her grow and evolve over the last couple of decades (especially the last year or so) to get to this point, where she can feel free enough and confident enough in herself to even attempt something like this has been really heart warming for me.

We had planned to go out to a club and find someone for a threesome, but in discussing it my wife was having trouble with how to approach the topic. She was hung up on how to take a guy asking her “hey, do you want to leave and go somewhere with me” and turn it into “no, but would you be interested in fucking me with my husband”. Her exact words were, “I don't think I could ever get those words to come out of my mouth”. Also understand that in her entire life she had never actually gone and met a guy, flirted, and then left with him before. So recently after talking it over we decided that before we attempted a threesome we would go out and give her some “training wheels”. We went to a bar- three of them actually- until she found a very attractive guy that hit on her. They flirted, went out to the parking lot, made out, and she gave him a hot blowjob. Mission accomplished, and her confidence (and sex drive and everything else) has absolutely soared.

So now we are ready to take the next step....she is absolutely over the moon with the thought of two men kissing and touching her at the same time. She now feels at least somewhat confident in meeting and choosing a guy ( a LOT better than she did before) but is still a little blown away as to how to shift a conversation with someone she just met that seems interested in going further, to asking if they would instead enjoy sharing her in a threesome. In talking recently, she said that she “will probably have to come up with something” at the time....but I wanted to help her out and give her some good suggestions as to how you go about breaking the ice on that subject- especially since, for some reason, we are both having a hard time coming up with any. Thoughts?

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Re: Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

Unread post by 2inUPMichigan » Wed Jan 16, 2019 9:58 am

calimex wrote:I have a pretty simple question. We are a newbie couple....here is some quick background. My wife being willing to eagerly throw caution to the wind and agreeing to share herself with her husband and another man is amazing....but also pretty unbelievable if you knew her at all. It's not really just that she is doing it....but that she is doing it because it is what SHE wants. By nature my wife is shy, quiet, reserved, and submissive. Growing up, she was in a situation where she basically had to keep her head down so nobody would notice her. Then, her first husband was extremely strict, controlling and jealous....which only made things worse. So when I first met her (the love of my life) she had never really learned to do anything for herself, or had done anything specifically because it was for her own pleasure. Watching her grow and evolve over the last couple of decades (especially the last year or so) to get to this point, where she can feel free enough and confident enough in herself to even attempt something like this has been really heart warming for me.

We had planned to go out to a club and find someone for a threesome, but in discussing it my wife was having trouble with how to approach the topic. She was hung up on how to take a guy asking her “hey, do you want to leave and go somewhere with me” and turn it into “no, but would you be interested in fucking me with my husband”. Her exact words were, “I don't think I could ever get those words to come out of my mouth”. Also understand that in her entire life she had never actually gone and met a guy, flirted, and then left with him before. So recently after talking it over we decided that before we attempted a threesome we would go out and give her some “training wheels”. We went to a bar- three of them actually- until she found a very attractive guy that hit on her. They flirted, went out to the parking lot, made out, and she gave him a hot blowjob. Mission accomplished, and her confidence (and sex drive and everything else) has absolutely soared.

So now we are ready to take the next step....she is absolutely over the moon with the thought of two men kissing and touching her at the same time. She now feels at least somewhat confident in meeting and choosing a guy ( a LOT better than she did before) but is still a little blown away as to how to shift a conversation with someone she just met that seems interested in going further, to asking if they would instead enjoy sharing her in a threesome. In talking recently, she said that she “will probably have to come up with something” at the time....but I wanted to help her out and give her some good suggestions as to how you go about breaking the ice on that subject- especially since, for some reason, we are both having a hard time coming up with any. Thoughts?
Are you set on only an in person hook up situation? I personally am reserved and would not feel comfortable being that forward on a first meeting. (but I am not looking for one more of a long term situation)
What is working better for me personally is online vetting then meeting once I know I found a quality person that isn't going to flake. I use SLS and they also have a hot date section to place one time ads.
It really depends on what the two of you are looking for - short term/one night stands or longer term.
Online is an option.

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Re: Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

Unread post by SSQ » Wed Jan 16, 2019 11:00 am

calimex wrote:I have a pretty simple question. We are a newbie couple....here is some quick background. My wife being willing to eagerly throw caution to the wind and agreeing to share herself with her husband and another man is amazing....but also pretty unbelievable if you knew her at all. It's not really just that she is doing it....but that she is doing it because it is what SHE wants. By nature my wife is shy, quiet, reserved, and submissive. Growing up, she was in a situation where she basically had to keep her head down so nobody would notice her. Then, her first husband was extremely strict, controlling and jealous....which only made things worse. So when I first met her (the love of my life) she had never really learned to do anything for herself, or had done anything specifically because it was for her own pleasure. Watching her grow and evolve over the last couple of decades (especially the last year or so) to get to this point, where she can feel free enough and confident enough in herself to even attempt something like this has been really heart warming for me.

We had planned to go out to a club and find someone for a threesome, but in discussing it my wife was having trouble with how to approach the topic. She was hung up on how to take a guy asking her “hey, do you want to leave and go somewhere with me” and turn it into “no, but would you be interested in fucking me with my husband”. Her exact words were, “I don't think I could ever get those words to come out of my mouth”. Also understand that in her entire life she had never actually gone and met a guy, flirted, and then left with him before. So recently after talking it over we decided that before we attempted a threesome we would go out and give her some “training wheels”. We went to a bar- three of them actually- until she found a very attractive guy that hit on her. They flirted, went out to the parking lot, made out, and she gave him a hot blowjob. Mission accomplished, and her confidence (and sex drive and everything else) has absolutely soared.

So now we are ready to take the next step....she is absolutely over the moon with the thought of two men kissing and touching her at the same time. She now feels at least somewhat confident in meeting and choosing a guy ( a LOT better than she did before) but is still a little blown away as to how to shift a conversation with someone she just met that seems interested in going further, to asking if they would instead enjoy sharing her in a threesome. In talking recently, she said that she “will probably have to come up with something” at the time....but I wanted to help her out and give her some good suggestions as to how you go about breaking the ice on that subject- especially since, for some reason, we are both having a hard time coming up with any. Thoughts?
I would also have absolutely zero desire to pick up some random stranger and fuck them. It's awkward to say because it is awkward! You have no idea if the guy will be into having a MFM or even just having the husband there to watch. No idea if he might have performance anxiety under the circumstances, or if he has any STIs or what kind of person he is, let alone what kind of sex partner.

If the random pickup is that important, I'd suggest at least going to a swing club where this type of proposition would be much more normal. Otherwise, I put in a big vote for online too. When you see how many guys get scratched off the list from emailing back and forth, you'll see why I think little to no screening in person is a terrible idea. Some people do it; I don't recommend it.
It's all fun until someone gets hurt... and then it's more fun! :whip:

https://thehappyhotwife.blogspot.com/

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Re: Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

Unread post by calimex » Wed Jan 16, 2019 12:29 pm

2inUPMichigan wrote:Are you set on only an in person hook up situation? I personally am reserved and would not feel comfortable being that forward on a first meeting. (but I am not looking for one more of a long term situation)
What is working better for me personally is online vetting then meeting once I know I found a quality person that isn't going to flake. I use SLS and they also have a hot date section to place one time ads.
It really depends on what the two of you are looking for - short term/one night stands or longer term.
Online is an option.
Really appreciate both of you taking out the time to answer. At this point at least (we have been discussing this off and on for about six and a half years) our consensus has been to meet someone in person, for many reasons. We talked about many different possibilities at length....and my wife sees finding someone online or from a personals ad as a huge turn off. She thinks that the online world is scary (and I wouldn't say she is necessarily wrong) and I know she really trusts her intuition about someone when she meets them and then talks to them for a while, rather than just collecting a lot of facts about someone online and putting them in a file. (And, who is to say that someone's online portfolio or emails is necessarily evidence that all those boxes have been checked, either?) Beyond that, I know that one of the things my wife now (finally) enjoys most of all is the flirting, the chase, the spontaneity....if the entire thing ends up just being an online, per-arranged rendezvous where nothing but sex is expected and she is the main event....that's not what she wants to do.

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Re: Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

Unread post by 2inUPMichigan » Wed Jan 16, 2019 2:23 pm

calimex wrote:
2inUPMichigan wrote:Are you set on only an in person hook up situation? I personally am reserved and would not feel comfortable being that forward on a first meeting. (but I am not looking for one more of a long term situation)
What is working better for me personally is online vetting then meeting once I know I found a quality person that isn't going to flake. I use SLS and they also have a hot date section to place one time ads.
It really depends on what the two of you are looking for - short term/one night stands or longer term.
Online is an option.
Really appreciate both of you taking out the time to answer. At this point at least (we have been discussing this off and on for about six and a half years) our consensus has been to meet someone in person, for many reasons. We talked about many different possibilities at length....and my wife sees finding someone online or from a personals ad as a huge turn off. She thinks that the online world is scary (and I wouldn't say she is necessarily wrong) and I know she really trusts her intuition about someone when she meets them and then talks to them for a while, rather than just collecting a lot of facts about someone online and putting them in a file. (And, who is to say that someone's online portfolio or emails is necessarily evidence that all those boxes have been checked, either?) Beyond that, I know that one of the things my wife now (finally) enjoys most of all is the flirting, the chase, the spontaneity....if the entire thing ends up just being an online, per-arranged rendezvous where nothing but sex is expected and she is the main event....that's not what she wants to do.
You have to make the decision that is best for you. However I wanted to point out the one thing that I liked about SLS was the certifications by other members. Those are comments by other people that have actually met with the person. I have found them invaluable.

Also there is a lot of flirting back and forth through emails, texts and phone calls before a meeting in my case. I am not looking at an ad then asking to meet up with someone the next week LOL.

What has been the result for me? Meetings where we get together to see if we are a good match in person with NO expectations of play time. If something happens on the first meeting that is fine but every single man that I talk to knows up front to not expect sex on the first meeting. Most of them say that is how they view things too.

I know that there are people that meet up with strangers in bars and it seems to work okay especially if you are looking for one night stands and not someone who is experienced in the lifestyle.
Good luck with your journey!

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Re: Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

Unread post by calimex » Wed Jan 16, 2019 4:56 pm

2inUPMichigan wrote:I know that there are people that meet up with strangers in bars and it seems to work okay especially if you are looking for one night stands and not someone who is experienced in the lifestyle. Good luck with your journey!
Again, seriously appreciate the opportunity to have someone to bounce ideas off of- thank you! I looked at the web site, and it looks pretty extensive. I sent it to my wife....her first comment was that "she worries that a guy from a web site like that will be pretty hardcore, into some fetish and BDSM shit", so I think you really nailed it when you said that she needs to find someone who is not necessarily experienced in the lifestyle. My wife has had to overcome (well, is really still trying to overcome) a big fear of strong, aggressive men. Even though the guy that she met with on her first adventure was a big guy, former college football player, I think she was put at ease by the fact that he seemed a little inexperienced, and that he was SO worried that she was married....he seemed "safe" if you will. I'm sure that's a huge part of it. Please let me know if you come up with any good suggestions!

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