Ask a Hotwife Thread, to be answered by VHWs only!

[valleyview]

Thanks for your insights NC Hotwife.

If I might ask for a bit of detail. How does the emotional connection you have for a lover manifest?

Some things that come to mind:

-frequent texting or talking on the phone with him
-purchase of gifts
-special sexual acts?

Thanks, I am really seeking a greater understanding of the female perspective on this complex relationship

[Nc-hotwife89]

Well, we actually do not text daily due to schedules and other things. But, every 2 or 3 days we do. Hubby refers to him as my boyfriend and really I think that describes it well. I would be friends with this man if we weren't lovers, I think. We share a lot in common. So, when we are together we usually chat about other things like jobs, kids etc. the thing with our situation is we both hv good lives. So, I hv a great family life and I tell him that. Hard to explain but, my love for my hubby is so deep and I respect hubby for many things including the fact he trusts me enough and loves me enough to want me to have playtime with my friend. So, yes I enjoy my playtime BUT, it's just that playtime. My family is what I love and live for. Feel like I babbled sooo maybe u can kind of understand more.

[Buttercream]

What I'm asking the hotwives on this thread, is it true that once a hotwife you're always a hotwife and what do you think she was saying with that smile?

I think that is your wife's way of telling you not to bring it up. We women know how "passionate" you hubbies can be about this especially if you think there is even a tiny chance it might happen again. SO she might think back to the hot times, but she is content to just occasionally think about it. Not talk about it, not get you all hot and bothered by it, not even go down that path, so she just keeps it to herself.

[Buttercream]

valleyview... I think it depends on the woman. I can't have clitoris orgasms from intercourse.. just doesn't get stimulated that way so I need tongue action for that. It is a more intense orgasm and one is usually plenty for me.
G-spot orgasms are usually only from penetration, though not always. I can have those over and over and over again, even if the chemistry is just so-so with guy.

As far as how I felt about my husband... I am not sure if my feelings changed... Or if they changed because of this. I love him and he is my heart & my forever. I have had better lovers or at least guys who were skilled in areas he was not as skilled, but it is all possible because he allows it and encourages it to happen. He also understands that sometimes a guy isn't better, it's just part of the situation. He totally understands and gets that I'm always going to be in a different mental place with playmates then I am with him.
I have both guys I am emotionally attached to and guys I am not.

[valleyview]

Thanks Buttercream, is it possible to explain in more detail this feeling -

"He totally understands and gets that I'm always going to be in a different mental place with playmates then I am with him."

What is different, if you can explain it?

The few responses I have received asking women to express changes they have experienced after developing an emotional/sexual bond with another man are along the lines of a deepening love and respect for their husband.

I am interested in trying to understand what in a traditional, monogamous model of marriage is a contradiction, namely that a sexual partner outside your primary relationship can strengthen your bond.

Your experiences here are helpful.

[valleyview]

Thanks NC-HW89, the"chemistry" you share with your BF has strengthened your emotional/sexual connection with both him and your husband?

Curious - do you allow your BF unprotected sex? If so do you feel this has strengthened you relationship with him? How about your husband? I am very interested in hearing about the feelings a woman might experience when she fluid bonds with her BF.

Are there any special emotional or sexual activities that you share only with your BF?

Thanks for any insights you can provide here.

[valleyview]

Many hotwives have said that they allow unprotected sex with their "special" boyfriends.

Did fluid bonding with your boyfriend change your emotional/sexual connection with him and your husband?

A great deal has been written in the sexual/scientific community about the effect semen has on a woman and in particular when she has bonded with multiple partners.

Very curious to hear empirical feelings experienced from women on this, instead of scientific conjecture. Is it BS or does something change when when you and your boyfriend connect this way?

Did you notice any changes in your relationship with hubby after you moved to this level with boyfriend?

[Nc-hotwife89]

Well, I hv been seeing the same BF since Oct. Again, every couple does things differently. But, I do not see multiple men at one time. That obviously works and is what some couples choose. We just do not choose to do that. Some may argue that seeing one us a bad idea because there is more chance of being too close with the BF. However, in our situation, we live over an hour apart and do not text daily. Etc. to keep things like that from getting out of control. Again, it works for us. , we have just started having unprotected sex after we had been together a while. He has a vasectomy and I use a form of BC so there's never any fear of pregnancy. But, he hasn't cum
Inside me. Of course BF and I do things hubby and I may not. Recently anal. Hubby and I hv done that just a couple times before. I do think all in all every situation is different and what works for one may not another. As I said before I am one that has to hv feelings for the man I hv sex with. That's what works for us. The sex, in my opinion, is better. Because you know what one another enjoys and because you know each other, you feel more confident and open. The entire HW situation has made hubby and I more closer and open with each other. A whole new realm of respect for one another.

[D+D]

Very good explanation Nc. Great. However in former relationships do you feel that there is any truth in the theory of fluid bonding? Or any other HW have an opinion?

[wykedjasmine]

Nc-hotwife89 - You are right on and obviously from my post above I agree with your assessment...We are VERY similar in thought and philosophy!

D+D - can you please elaborate on what you mean by "The Theory of Fluid Bonding" ??? What theory are you speaking ?

[mrfunnyman21]

Well, I hv been seeing the same BF since Oct. Again, every couple does things differently. But, I do not see multiple men at one time. That obviously works and is what some couples choose. We just do not choose to do that. Some may argue that seeing one us a bad idea because there is more chance of being too close with the BF. However, in our situation, we live over an hour apart and do not text daily. Etc. to keep things like that from getting out of control. Again, it works for us. , we have just started having unprotected sex after we had been together a while. He has a vasectomy and I use a form of BC so there's never any fear of pregnancy. But, he hasn't cum
Inside me. Of course BF and I do things hubby and I may not. Recently anal. Hubby and I hv done that just a couple times before. I do think all in all every situation is different and what works for one may not another. As I said before I am one that has to hv feelings for the man I hv sex with. That's what works for us. The sex, in my opinion, is better. Because you know what one another enjoys and because you know each other, you feel more confident and open. The entire HW situation has made hubby and I more closer and open with each other. A whole new realm of respect for one another.

At this point do you prefer/have better sex with your boyfriend than your husband?

[Nc-hotwife89]

Good question! Sex is different between hubby and BF. But, I don't know that I would classify one being better than the other. Just different.

[Happymcshove]

Good question! Sex is different between hubby and BF. But, I don't know that I would classify one being better than the other. Just different.

Can you define different?

[wykedjasmine]

[quote="mrfunnyman21"}
At this point do you prefer/have better sex with your boyfriend than your husband?[/quote]

May I jump in on this? S For me it is not a preference or better with either. It is different! I get things from my boy and I get different things from husband. I get off hard using both of them! *S And when we are all together ...well now that is better

[Happymcshove]

[quote="mrfunnyman21"}
At this point do you prefer/have better sex with your boyfriend than your husband?

May I jump in on this? S For me it is not a preference or better with either. It is different! I get things from my boy and I get different things from husband. I get off hard using both of them! *S And when we are all together ...well now that is better [/quote]


Why are all the wives always so vague? Could you specifically define different and how they meet different needs. Can you do it without sugar coating please?

[Nc-hotwife89]

[quote="mrfunnyman21"}
At this point do you prefer/have better sex with your boyfriend than your husband?

May I jump in on this? S For me it is not a preference or better with either. It is different! I get things from my boy and I get different things from husband. I get off hard using both of them! *S And when we are all together ...well now that is better

Why are all the wives always so vague? Could you specifically define different and how they meet different needs. Can you do it without sugar coating please?[/quote]
I think what I mean by that is I crave sex from both hubby and my boyfriend. What makes it different? Well, hubby and I love each other deeply and BF and I are friends. I know you want a definable answer but, I cannot give one concrete answer. I enjoy both if them sexually. Attracted to both of them.

[D+D]

Nc-hotwife89 - You are right on and obviously from my post above I agree with your assessment...We are VERY similar in thought and philosophy!

D+D - can you please elaborate on what you mean by "The Theory of Fluid Bonding" ??? What theory are you speaking ?

Referring to valley view ' s post. When two people have unprotected sex and a male ejaculates in a female frequently.

[valleyview]

An extremely simplified description of the fluid bonding theory is:

When a man vaginally inseminates a woman she is more likely to develop an emotional attachment than if the man wore a condom. One study also stated that woman who are receiving semen on a regular basis are less prone to depression.

I know for sure I feel closer to a woman when I cum in her. Curious if women feel the same?

My wife claims that when she and her BF started having unprotected sex their emotional connection really took off. Her BF also told her that he feels incredibly close to her after spending hours eating her pussy over the last year. I agree with this - to truly know a woman at the deepest level, oral sex is necessary. When you are between a woman's legs, there is no pretense, she is your universe.

[wykedjasmine]

Enjoying this thread....BTW Nc-hotwife89, I love your thoughts here!! *S Thank you! *S

Ok describe different? .....hmmmm....As I said I get off fucking all my boys....dorian my young guy physically has a longer thicker cock than the others....it stretches me...feels incredible. For 23 he really knows how to use it well. He can go a very long time and recovers VERY quickly. Emotionally - We have been playing for almost 1.5 years now...I introduced him to submission, he is appreciative and grateful, always has small gifts of wine or flowers for me which turns me on...so thoughtful. I feel very close to him and feel responsible for him and his submission. i think like any good dominant. We are very connected. Do i love him...yes but more in a poly kind of way. I do not want to marry him etc. We text/call to tease each other a lot. I only see him 1-2 times a month at most...seeing him is special, I fantasize about fucking him and using him. so when I see him, it is fireworks. he comes we have fun then he has to go so that makes is really hot and very intense when it happens. I use him almost constantly...

victor is my Girlfriends boy...We share him in a threesome and a foursome with R...Physically He has a nice cock (...not quite as big as d) as well but I do not get to fuck him nearly as much as we do not get to see them often...typically we travel together and an occasional weekend here and there.. But being older his experience comes through. He is funny and fun so it is always just a fun experience with him. We are not as connected but it is still really good. sharing him with my GF makes that special as well...We are all very affectionate and I enjoy that. He is a master at dirty talk, spinning fantasies.

R, my husband, physically is the smallest of the three but not by much. he has a big mushroom head that feels great on my Gspot! He too knows how to fuck me and get me off. Emotionally he of course knows me the best. knows how toget in my mind, spin fantasies as well. I love fucking him..we are so connected, feel each other all day...so fucking is the physical manifestation of that connection. I love him to death, he is my rock. He has given me so much through the good and rough times. He is incredible so of course that translates into very hot intimate time!!!!!! He takes care of me and so many things in our personal lives that makes my life and work so much easier...That is worth so much to me. We see each other everyday so it is not that fireworks I get from the other guys all the time...but we are always together and the sex/play is VERY intense and incredible....We share so much together and that is special in itself...

does that explain the difference??????? *LOL

[wykedjasmine]

As to fluid bonding (My personal take here as i know every woman is different...and different things work for different woman...) - I think the emotional aspects of fluid bonding vary from person to person and their experiences. I love to fuck in all its forms. I love being in control...that is what rocks my boat! *S I also think very much like a guy. I love porn, esp BDSM porn, naked pics, cock pics, pussy pics and I love to FUCK vs make love. So the fluid bonding is not something that makes me feel more attached. If I fuck someone I am probably already "attached" to them as i need that type of "relationship" to even go there with them or it just sucks for me. I think the term comes more from swinging than ongoing poly style relationships. I am very concerned with STD's as they are for life!!! So condoms are a must for me till I know you REALLY well and we have some sort of agreement on disclosure...you are tested, clean and using condoms with anyone outside the inner circle. So I guess what I am saying here is that I already have that deep attachment before you fuck me without a condom so it is no big deal to me....As to oral..I love it...for me that is back to that control i love. Someone pleasing me, serving me in that manner...doing it for my pleasure as the reward...Yes VERY Femdom but they are always handsomely rewarded!!!! *S

I am sure the other sexy hotwives here have different thoughts and perspectives and I look forward to hearing them.

[D+D]

Thank you.

[D+D]

With all due respect guys, if you were also playing you might be able to tell us girls why you like to play and the "difference".
I am sure it may be the same "difference" that spurs so many affairs with a lot of these cheating husbands we run into.....

I can't tell anyone about difference because I've never cheated. I'm not really sure that I would want another woman even if my wife said ok. I deeply love my wife and am continually striving to learn from more experienced hotwives so that I can make my wife and my experience as good as possible. Thank you ladies for giving a woman's perspective. I get kinda tired of men saying how a woman feels.

[Happymcshove]

With all due respect guys, if you were also playing you might be able to tell us girls why you like to play and the "difference".
I am sure it may be the same "difference" that spurs so many affairs with a lot of these cheating husbands we run into.....

Ok I'll give it my best shot. I'm a relatively high partner count man. I've been with women of lots of different backgrounds, countries and economic levels.

Do I need an open arrangement? No. If I was getting everything I needed at home I'd be fine. I'm even good with forgoing certain things I like.

I just had a 2.5 yr relationship end. According to her I've been downgraded to emergency FB status.

I now am spinning plates. I'm seeing 6 women this week and have 6 more interested but I haven't picked a date yet or haven't decided if they are worth my time yet.

Can I have an emotional primary while sleeping with others? Yes. Does she stay my sexual primary? Yes. She would get first right of refusal.

I've also learned that for me women get placed in categories or levels. My top level would be sex is fun with all of them and I find each girl might have a different skill or flavor to them. I'd group these women as similar fun just different but I'd still fantasize about all of them and would most likely no less excited about any of them. If I had a primary emotional partner tho she would be elevated above the rest.

I think this has to do with how men and women are wired differently. Women seem (studies point to this) to have often a sexual primary and a separate emotional primary. I've known several women (both that I was and wasn't seeing) that have made composit men by dating different guys at the same time for different needs.

I have no problem sharring women I have no investment in emotionally. I'm not sure I could ever share a woman I was in love with and living with

Typing on my phone with fat fingers sorry for typos.

[valleyview]

Thanks ladies for your insights into the emotional complexities of being married and playing. If you have ever studied Jungian psychology, it is possible that these feelings originate in the subconscious and are thus difficult to articulate.

Sweetcheeks makes a good point - "With all due respect guys, if you were also playing you might be able to tell us girls why you like to play and the "difference".
I am sure it may be the same "difference" that spurs so many affairs with a lot of these cheating husbands we run into....."

As a man who has always been non monogamous by nature I will attempt to answer this in more depth than the typical explanation - men are horny and biologically predisposed to spread their seed.

-what makes a woman other than my wife sexually interesting to me? Well, she is different which adds credence to the adage - "variety is the spice of life"

-she wears different clothes, fragrance, maybe has a different body type.

-when I see an attractive woman, I wonder what her lingerie is like, what her breasts and pussy look like, smell like, taste like

-when a new woman has sex with me I feel attractive and wanted. I think nothing means more to a man than being wanted by a woman, sexually and otherwise. Nothing is more pleasurable to me than bringing a new lover to orgasm.

I feel like I can enjoy this sex without diminution of my love for my wife which is based on the life we have built around our mutual respect and common ethos.

Extramarital sex is the olive in the martini that is my life(otherwise referred to as NRE)! Women are simply too beautiful to know superficially, a sexual relationship is required to unlock the magic.

That is the best I can do in trying to explain my endless desire for extramarital sexual/emotional relationships.

Ladies- does any of this resonate?

[valleyview]

One big difference in the extramarital sex game is the relative ease that women can begin a sexual relationship. When my wife is active on Ashley Madison she quickly has about 50 men interested in having sex with her.

I cannot even imagine what it would be like to have 50 women willing to have sex with me. I suspect I would be a different man in many ways.

Ladies - what does it feel like to know that when you want it you can have it? Powerful, overwhelming, intimidating?