I guess admitting this is a confession of sorts, and not brought out into the open between my husband and myself until recently.
After two kids, and before we got into hotwifing, I had a tubal litigation.
Later, during an affair with a black lover, per our agreement we always used condoms when hubby was there, but when I saw him alone (without hubby knowing) I would take my lover bare. It felt more intimate to me.
My lover would joked about my being pregnant if we had spent time together and I was not feeling well in the morning a few days later, and he and I would lay together in the afterglow, watching TV as he held me, and if a biracial came on the screen (as there was in this particular show), we would talk about what our child would look like. Later when everything came out into the open, I admitted to my husband that I would have liked to have had my black lover's child. Hubby at the time said he could not have handled it.
Hubby's attitude toward that has changed, after he noticed on a video of me and my boyfriend how I tend to rock my pelvis back for deeper penetration when I am first entered. Hubby calls it the “breeding position,” and began to talk more and more about how more erotic the idea of white wives having black babies is to him than it used to be. Hubby has even suggested that I beg for a black baby when we are role playing, which I have done and is a rush for both of us, considering how our bodies react to that talk.
A turning point was the other night we talked about it, and hubby admitted that had I been fertile and became pregnant with my lover's baby when we first started, he would have freaked. Then he went on to say that his feelings on that had changed over the years, and were I fertile today that he would not mind if a black lover impregnated me, and in fact found it hot. For the first time I told him that to have done it for real was hot to me too.
I have to be discreet due to family and my job about my preference for black men, but when I am out with a black man it adds to the excitement when I get a disapproving look from some older white biddy. I like flaunting that—and I admitted to hubby that had he not objected and I had been fertile that I would have wanted a biracial baby fathered by one of my black lovers. I had not admitted that to him before, and to my surprise it got him rock hard.
I told him truthfully that with a biracial baby everyone who saw me would know I had been with black men, and that was part of the turn-on. He asked who amongst my past lovers I would have wanted to father my child, and I told him I would have preferred to not have known, and would have preferred being with several lovers in a short time span while ovulating. Hubby suggested a breeding party and I told him that would be very hot to have done that. He was surprised that I had thought so much about it and had ready answers.
Hubby admitted that he suspected I had been thinking along that lines because of the way I ask my boyfriend to cum inside me. I always ask my boyfriend to put his cum inside me to rather than simply letting it happen, and we have been going bareback for a long time.
The last time I was with him I think he picked up on it, because as he started cumming he said he was going to put his seed deep inside me. He had not used the word “seed” with me before.
The good thing about all this coming out now is it is only words, role playing, and mental pictures. There is no reality of a new baby, staying up all night, doctor trips and the responsibilities, expense, and obligation of raising another child. It is a major decision to bring another life into the world and on the practical side I do not think having a child should be done simply because two lovers lost control of themselves for a few minutes or for the sake of living out an erotic fantasy.
Now after writing all that, I do admit that if my husband and I were in the frame of mind we are today, and were I still fertile, after our conversation the other night I would soon be bearing a child by one of my black lovers. I can think of nothing more erotic.