Poll: Is it still hotwifing if she wants a steady guy?

[Pinks Hubby]

I've posted a thread in the Poly forum, She wants a boyfriend, and there have been several opinions on this.

[pwsub]

My wife has had a steady lover for over a year, but no way is it poly, it is a bf/lover relationship, nothing more, he has his family, we have ours

[roadrunner]

I would disagree that "somewhere in between" is not hotwifing. I'd say it's a little of both.

[Stormbringer]

She may be doing this one guy now but if she can drop her panties whenever she chooses then she is a hotwife.

[roadrunner]

Isn't hotwifing sort of like poly? It seems to me that the distinction that's often drawn between poly and hotwife/swinging (and I am not claiming this is definitive) is that hotwife/swinging is mostly about the sex and poly is about relationships. However, lots of people do hotwife where the wife has a regular relationship with another man, so it's kind of like poly. It's not a triad unless you're really in a full-fledged, three-way relationship, but it seems poly-ish to me. The funny thing is that a lot of poly people get offended when you liken them to swingers.

Having been active in both communities, I agree with your views here. And yes, some poly people get too easily bent out of shape, even some who have very casual sex with people they barely know, but still insist it is "not swinging". Whatever!

[bubbajack]

Pink's Husband seems to be asking how to understand his own reactions to his wife's intimacies with another man in a more unified way - and not as the nest of felt incompatibilities that is presenting itself to him right now.

To his credit, he is maintaining an open mind and a lively concern for his wife's happiness and enjoyment, as well as a self-awareness that his attitude is as important to the potentiality for successful conduct of the couple's marital sex life as the facts of who is fucking who at any particular moment.

I wonder if it might help to see her as having a resource (her sexuality) that exceeds the need for sex which is characteristic of the marital relationship as it now is. No slight on either spouse is meant here - this is just how the quantity and character of sex works in the marriage in its present form.

Her proposal to have a boyfriend alters that situation and could lead to a transformation of the marriage in many ways - some of which could be very good, if the testimony of others here is any guide. But the main point here is that she has more sexual power and capacity for enjoyment than is in play - for whatever reason - in the marriage.

As many hotwife couples have discovered, distributing some of her sexual surplus outside the marriage can have great benefits for her attitude towards life and her self-esteem. There is probably more good stuff for both partners of the marriage as well down that road.

It's an experiment, P's H, certainly, and not without its dangers. But maybe looking at it as being "for the sake of" the marriage (which I think you are right to say she does not want to leave) through broadening and deepening the field of potential marital sex (a nice way of saying "having an additional guy to fuck" ) will be more calming or comforting when she's out conducting the experiments and you are missing her.

Just remember, she's working on an important task off expanding intimacy, and she'll be back soon and bring you treats!

[respectabullinma]

I think I take a broader view towards the definition of hotwifing. Essentially, if a wife has her husbands implicit approval and encouragement and support to take a lover as she wants/desires, then she is a hotwife. HOW she chooses to embrace being a hotwife (long term fwb, casual one off hookups, flings while traveling, etc) matters little - it's still hotwifing.

One thing I find in this lifestyle is that couples, especially those with little/no experience, get too concerned about the titles/names we assign to various roles. The names we give for what we do matter little; it's the support the husband gives his wife and ability of their chosen thirds to provide pleasure is what matters.

[zedd767]

If she sees a guy every week or two, whether it's the same guy or a different one every time, that is hotwifing to us. If the three of us buy a home out in the country together when we retire, and she cucks me before breakfast most mornings, then we've gone poly.

[Hawke82]

My wife had a steady three year relationship with her last lover, and during that period she was having sex with him more often than she was with me. It was still a hotwife relationship. Poly assumes something deeper. She never looked at him as a second husband, she never moved in with him, or split time between us, or had him move in with us. Was she in love? Yes, but it was more of a deep and passionate friendship (with serious sexual benefits). Poly to us, is more of sharing every aspect of your lives, where they become part of your family. He was always separate, a treat, and an escape from her other normal life as a working mom and wife. Maybe that seems poly to some, but to us it was just another in a series of outside sexual relationships she has had. She tends to prefer long term relationships, over a series of one night stand or flings, and of the seven men she has seduced since we opened our relationship up, three of them are still ongoing (though occasional due to distance).

[Mrs E]

I think there can be a lot of overlap between the two, as the boundaries between a FWB and a secondary polyamorous relationship are pretty fuzzy, for example.

The other thing is that the skills involved in both hotwifing and poly are quite similar, such as communication, transparency and dealing with jealousy.

[roadrunner]

I think there can be a lot of overlap between the two, as the boundaries between a FWB and a secondary polyamorous relationship are pretty fuzzy, for example.

This is the same "overlap" that exists in relationships for singles. You meet someone and might start a casual sexual relationship with little emotional attachment. Over time that can grow into a friendship, then close friends. At some point it might grow further into something you recognize as "love". And that love may (or may not) grow into a commitment.

Just where it transitions from "just friends" to "in love" is ambiguous. At some point it's probably some of both.

But there's really no need to argue over which it is. It is what it is, whatever you want to call it.

And the same point applies to extramarital relationships as well. "Fuck Buddy", "Friends with Benefits", and "Poly Lover" overlap. And it is what it is, whatever you want to call it.

[g1048]

I prefer my wife having a steady lover and she enjoys having steady or regular lovers as well, not to say she wouldn't have a spur of the moment, hike her skirt up quickie, but most generally she will see someone long term. She is currently seeing a man every two or three weeks and so far I have been fortunate enough to be able to watch them together and take lots of pictures and videos. I guess you would call that a win, win, win, situation. She gets all she wants, he gets a hot married woman with no strings and I get to see all the action and then live it all over again whenever I like. Our sex life is more incredible than it ever was before she became a hotwife. I say it is still hotwifing.

[luvMyHotwife]

My wife once had a steady BF that she was exclusive to except for me. They both wanted me to wear a condom when I came inside her and I know they had deep feelings for each other. But he had a wife, and my wife always expressed love for me, so it was hotwifing, not poly.

[calicolombia69]

wife goes thru phases. some turn into fuck-by-nights or burn out after a month or two. few have become long term but she does enjoy the stability. and she will slip out behind their backs when she feels like it

[fkmywfxn]

She found someone she feels safe and comfortable with and has good sexual experiences with by being a "hotwife". She had experiences with other men and he ended up being special to her. Now she wants him to be the only one she has sex with.

He is someone that gets along well with me, respects me, and someone she feels comfortable being around in non sexual ways. We have gone out together for lunch, dinner, bars, arts festivals etc.. She is done with the less than satisfying sexual experiences with less than satisfying personalities.

I know she likes him. I like him too. Does she love him? I don't know. I don't know how I would feel if she loved him the same way she loves me. Or would it be the same way? I was willing to share her sexually with other men. I think I might be willing to try a Poly relationship.

[up2her]

Pretty much all of Mrs-up2her's play time is with me there watching. She has Kik'd once or twice with one of her favorite FB's but it's not like they have a "relationship" on the side. She doesn't call them, or email them even. That is just our version of Hotwifing. I agree that there is a lot of cross-over between them, but there must be some line somewhere in the sand. Maybe it's really up to the individual (or couple) to label it. Then, I guess it's whatever they think it is.

[TriEngland]

It matters only in as much as knowing in which forum to place your posts lol.

[glexplore]

I agree that there is a lot of cross-over between them, but there must be some line somewhere in the sand. Maybe it's really up to the individual (or couple) to label it. Then, I guess it's whatever they think it is.

I agree 100% with up2her. Every couple will have a line in the sand. I am still a wannabe cuck and we discuss occasionally so I can comfortably say my wife would be a hotwife who would likely look for one guy as a steady lover. He has his role and I have mine as cuck hubby.

[up2her]

It matters only in as much as knowing in which forum to place your posts lol.

I get that, for sure. By my definition, an individual would put it in the one they felt it most belonged. If your HW has a single lover but only thinks of them as a sex partner to add spice to your relationship, then it probably belongs in the HOTWIFE forum. If, however, she has a "connection" and an openness about feelings of love, then she would probably feel like it belongs in the POLY forum. The grey area is what we are talking about and I think that makes the most sense to be determined by the individual experiencing (feeling) it. I can't imagine many folks here that would push someone out of their selected "style room" because the peg was round and the hole was a little oblong. I think all of the holes are a little oblong, really. Even the so called "normal" people's holes. LOL. That just kind of cracked me up!

[up2her]

Based on what I have read in this string and many others, I think the standardized definition of a Hotwife would be "A married woman who has complete autonomy of choice in selecting men outside of her marriage with whom to have carnal relations; all with her husbands consent, or at the very least, his knowledge that said relations may happen at any time". Our marriage does not meet that definition, as Mrs-up2her doesn't select men at random and fuck them without my knowledge or approval. I make educated selections that she gives final approval to and we meet them together. They play while I watch and film it for her and I to watch later. I still think she is a Hotwife, as I can't think of a more fitting term.

On the flip side, a Cuckold would generally be defined as "A married man whose wife has sex with other men". Because of the other generally accepted characteristics of "cuckold" (cock-caged, sex-deprived, unable (or less able) to satisfy his wife sexually) on this site and others, I don't believe that definition fits me. THE FOLLOWING STATEMENT IS A REPEAT OF STATEMENTS I HAVE MADE ON MANY STRINGS ON THIS SITE! I have no disrespect for cuckolds of that type. It just isn't me. But, do I get to decide if I am a cuckold or not?

I admit to being intrigued by this. The more we play, the deeper my philosophical mind grows. Hmmmm....

[Bound2bmine]

I think it is. There are many Blurred Lines in this lifestyle. But I think most women would rather have a steady lover slash boyfriend. But with this comes the danger of emotional attachment.

[up2her]

I think it is. There are many Blurred Lines in this lifestyle. But I think most women would rather have a steady lover slash boyfriend. But with this comes the danger of emotional attachment.

That is a concern to be thoroughly considered. Mrs has a couple of regular FB's and she definitely likes them both a great deal. I understand the concept that "feeling" something for a person your fucking definitely makes it better, but she is very leery of it getting complicated. She has stated that if she feels anything that begins to be truly romantic, she will be done with that person and maybe the whole thing altogether. Her love for me is intense as is mine for her. We have been so happy with each other for most of our marriage that she (and I for that matter) doesn't want to ever risk losing that. That isn't a judgement on those that are into Poly or those that lean that direction. It's just what works for us. I think having more than one that she really likes and has fun with helps. It also doesn't hurt that our own sex life is wonderful and spicy. For us Poly isn't a real option because we are both too jealous for that. I know how funny that sounds, since we are playing in the HW format and even a little swapping. We can share each other's bodies and a small amount of attention, but not the emotional side. At least not to that level.

[parklife]

My wife prefers a steady guy. She has had some overlap but all things considered, she'd prefer a FWB relationship with someone that can be more long term. Her current guy has a girlfriend and he doesn't know I know and approve. They have a very casual friendship but it's mostly just about hooking up. She's still a hotwife in my book.

[zorro]

We have had both butterfly sexual encounters and steady lovers for R. Each brings something desirable to the table.

[johnycin]

Good question, my wife has been steady with her BF for 5 yrs during which time weve had a lot of casual encounters, but in the last 6 months shes stopped casual sex with other men, though in sex clubs she will still let guys caress kiss and fondle her which she knows i love to watch etc but no penatrative sex, we have talked about this and she says it feels like she would be like cheating on her BF and just dousnt want too, also she and her BF asked me if i would mind refraining from full intercourse with her, which took me by surprise as he hardly says anything to me and once the surprise went, i thought it was ok and a pretty unusual experience to have on a cuck level. anyhow things are rolling along every ones happy, but i think weve dropped off the hotwife list to something else, I enjoy things as they are now and really were as close as ever we were so no probs there. i do miss giving her to other guys and getting her back wet though BF takes up most of free time, so hotwife or not i dont know,