If you've ever told anyone that you that you're in this lifestyle, best friend, buddy, whatever, you actually have no idea how many people know. Once you tell, you lose all control of the informatiin.
While that's true, ive come to the decision that at the end of the day, I just don't care what others know/think. I realize, living in the San Francisco Bay Area, I'm in a far more accepting part of the country where alternative lifestyles are looked at differently My wife would be a bit more mortified but then she's the only one that has told anyone (two of her best friends and one of her FBs). I don't talk about it with anyone but at the same time, not too concerned if anyone figures it out. What works for us (my wife and I) is most important, the opinion of others be damned.
To each his own. You live in a large metro area. If you lived in a small bible belt town where many of your close family live and most people know you and your very lively hood could be in jeopardy , would you still feel the same? If people want others to know fine. They may tell everyone they see for all I care. To each his own, but we keep our private life private. We play away from home. We don't shit in our nest. That's our decision and we know that telling even one person could cause an uproar here so, we don't. And, i still stand behind what i said, if you tell even one person you can no longer control what may be said or told.
We do live in a small rural Bible belt town in a rural county and yes, we have both played with others here in our town and other towns close by. Still, most of the women I get hit on by, young and old, are people we know and the same is true for her. These are mostly friends, acquaintances, friends and acquaintances of friends and acquaintances. Heck, almost everyone around here is kin to everyone somewhere along the line.
Please don't think I'm saying you should change your mind or change your ways. And, I agree with you on the spreading of information, "if you tell even one person you can no longer control what may be said or told". That is very true.
For us, we choose to live our lives with normal common sense and normal discretion in the area we live. So, you have to think that many either surmise or have some suspicions. But, then , we have certain suspicions about what they do or are into.