New and still figuring it all out

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Squirming69
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Re: New and still figuring it all out

Unread post by Squirming69 » Mon Dec 10, 2018 9:51 pm

You mentioned the desire to have a couple/few Friend with Benefits (FwB) types for regular sexual play; have you considered what it might be like to have a FwB or even a more Poly leaning arrangement were a guy or guys could be around more often as a friend of the family, a friend of your husbands so that it does not draw any undesired attention yet allows for you to have the gentleman/men around on a much more regular basis?
Imagination can be more important then knowledge so be careful what you ask for!

2inUPMichigan
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Re: New and still figuring it all out

Unread post by 2inUPMichigan » Mon Dec 10, 2018 10:02 pm

Squirming69 wrote:You mentioned the desire to have a couple/few Friend with Benefits (FwB) types for regular sexual play; have you considered what it might be like to have a FwB or even a more Poly leaning arrangement were a guy or guys could be around more often as a friend of the family, a friend of your husbands so that it does not draw any undesired attention yet allows for you to have the gentleman/men around on a much more regular basis?
An interesting idea but I really don't think that hubby would be onboard with that. We have never discussed it but gut reaction is he would just look at me raise one eyebrow and look away subject closed. :roll:
I don't know what will happen in the future or course, never say never!
We are eventually going to have to figure out a solution to the fact that within a couple years we will have family on the property next door. (nosy family!)

He actually has some things in common with each of the men so far, but he is a lot older than they are.

Squirming69
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Re: New and still figuring it all out

Unread post by Squirming69 » Mon Dec 10, 2018 10:22 pm

Thank you for your response... It is a direction that I had been involved in with a prior wife and it worked out for us; the guy was a mutual friend that had then become her FwB, transitioned into more of a Boyfriend/lover, and did attend social activities that included family and friends. I am sure some suspected, while other knew, my than wife's mom was knowledgeable of the arrangement which had taken on more of a committed poly arrangement. As to my current wife, as a couple we and as she as an individual does prefer the FwB with the understanding that there would be no restrictions on her relationship with the FwB in the event that it were to naturally/organicly evolved into something more such as a boyfriend or committed poly.
Imagination can be more important then knowledge so be careful what you ask for!

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FunkyFreakynotFlthy
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Re: New and still figuring it all out

Unread post by FunkyFreakynotFlthy » Tue Dec 11, 2018 2:40 am

2inUPMichigan wrote:Hubby and I will have our 20th anniversary this year and have a solid relationship. We are both in our 50's and I never thought this was something we would consider but our circumstances have moved us in this direction.
My husband had prostate cancer at the age of 50, and with all the treatments we are unable to have sex (penetration). Due to other health issues he is unable to take ED meds.

He loves me so much that he told me, "Just because I can't have sex anymore doesn't mean you should go without too." So we are exploring the option of a hotwife experience as he is very interested in watching me with another man.

I have been reading a lot and started joining a few sites, lurking mostly. I signed us up to go to one event in a couple months to give both of us time to prepare and also time to back out if either of us needs to.

Him giving me this option has lifted some of the devastating loss of our sex life. However the worry over what this could mean for our relationship makes me nervous.

That's a tough one. Because most of the men who are into this have reasons independent of ED. There are some who feel inadequate. Maybe their penis is really small etc. A lot of those guys become cuckolds. Some do this. But you really have to have a passion for it. I don't know how it would work out if you let your wife have sex with other men simply because you can no longer provide for her needs. I would imagine that it depends on the guy. Your husband might handle it just fine. Or he may not. But this is a kink. He has to be into the kink for it to work.

That said... it's possible.... he's developed the kink as a means of dealing with ED. I don't really have any experience in that department. But I could see it. A lot of my development toward this fetish came from the fact that I didn't want to imagine other women while masturbating. I'm a fairly good looking guy and I like to flirt. Some part of me knows that if I flirt with a hot waitress then go home and imagine fucking her then I'm going to want to do it. And I love my wife. She would be devastated. So from the very beginning of our marriage I only fantasized about her.

As you can imagine that became difficult. My wife won't let me take pictures or make videos. It's hard to keep yourself into it sometimes. So I started to imagine her in various scenarios. It could be something simple like lingerie. Or maybe sex in public etc. Either way I only looked at porn with women that looked like my wife. As you can probably guess.... the combination of these things... meant that I was pretending the woman in the video was her. But the guy she was fucking was not me. This was reinforced by the fact that as she and I aged the type of pornography involving women who looked like her changed. Most of it because "Wife Porn." Which included hot wifing and cuckoldry.

The root of this desire usually comes from puberty. Maybe you hear about a neighbor who's wife cheated. You're an intensely curious young male developing all the wiring for your sexual desires. You see her around in public and you imagine her having sex with other people. You imagine what it must have been like etc. Curiosity killed the cat so to speak. But I've been reinforcing it for a decade. There's a lot more obviously. But you get the idea.

I could totally see a guy struggling with ED. Especially after going through all that he did. He probably doesn't feel like a man. It may be irrational. But men are hard wired to provide for women. We want to give them everything to include great sexual experiences. If he's been robbed of that via health problems he may have developed this kink in order to compensate. If he can still masturbate and ejaculate he might really enjoy watching you with someone else. Because otherwise how will he ever see you like that again etc.

That's really tough. I hope it works out for you guys. I wish I could be of more help.

Wanna Be Bob
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Re: New and still figuring it all out

Unread post by Wanna Be Bob » Tue Dec 11, 2018 5:28 am

You have done a wonderful job of describing very intimate details of your journey, and I thank you for that. As has been mentioned numerous times, your husband is to be commended for his selflessness. He is a treasure. You, too are a treasure because you were willing to go down a path on which you were not comfortable traveling. That was kind to your husband. You accepted his gift. You have also been kind to the participants in this forum in detailing your journey. Thank you.

I wish you all the best as you continue to explore. You will have many great adventures.

2inUPMichigan
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Re: New and still figuring it all out

Unread post by 2inUPMichigan » Tue Dec 11, 2018 8:08 am

FunkyFreakynotFlthy wrote:
2inUPMichigan wrote:Hubby and I will have our 20th anniversary this year and have a solid relationship. We are both in our 50's and I never thought this was something we would consider but our circumstances have moved us in this direction.
My husband had prostate cancer at the age of 50, and with all the treatments we are unable to have sex (penetration). Due to other health issues he is unable to take ED meds.

He loves me so much that he told me, "Just because I can't have sex anymore doesn't mean you should go without too." So we are exploring the option of a hotwife experience as he is very interested in watching me with another man.

I have been reading a lot and started joining a few sites, lurking mostly. I signed us up to go to one event in a couple months to give both of us time to prepare and also time to back out if either of us needs to.

Him giving me this option has lifted some of the devastating loss of our sex life. However the worry over what this could mean for our relationship makes me nervous.

That's a tough one. Because most of the men who are into this have reasons independent of ED. There are some who feel inadequate. Maybe their penis is really small etc. A lot of those guys become cuckolds. Some do this. But you really have to have a passion for it. I don't know how it would work out if you let your wife have sex with other men simply because you can no longer provide for her needs. I would imagine that it depends on the guy. Your husband might handle it just fine. Or he may not. But this is a kink. He has to be into the kink for it to work.

That said... it's possible.... he's developed the kink as a means of dealing with ED. I don't really have any experience in that department. But I could see it. A lot of my development toward this fetish came from the fact that I didn't want to imagine other women while masturbating. I'm a fairly good looking guy and I like to flirt. Some part of me knows that if I flirt with a hot waitress then go home and imagine fucking her then I'm going to want to do it. And I love my wife. She would be devastated. So from the very beginning of our marriage I only fantasized about her.

As you can imagine that became difficult. My wife won't let me take pictures or make videos. It's hard to keep yourself into it sometimes. So I started to imagine her in various scenarios. It could be something simple like lingerie. Or maybe sex in public etc. Either way I only looked at porn with women that looked like my wife. As you can probably guess.... the combination of these things... meant that I was pretending the woman in the video was her. But the guy she was fucking was not me. This was reinforced by the fact that as she and I aged the type of pornography involving women who looked like her changed. Most of it because "Wife Porn." Which included hot wifing and cuckoldry.

The root of this desire usually comes from puberty. Maybe you hear about a neighbor who's wife cheated. You're an intensely curious young male developing all the wiring for your sexual desires. You see her around in public and you imagine her having sex with other people. You imagine what it must have been like etc. Curiosity killed the cat so to speak. But I've been reinforcing it for a decade. There's a lot more obviously. But you get the idea.

I could totally see a guy struggling with ED. Especially after going through all that he did. He probably doesn't feel like a man. It may be irrational. But men are hard wired to provide for women. We want to give them everything to include great sexual experiences. If he's been robbed of that via health problems he may have developed this kink in order to compensate. If he can still masturbate and ejaculate he might really enjoy watching you with someone else. Because otherwise how will he ever see you like that again etc.

That's really tough. I hope it works out for you guys. I wish I could be of more help.

I would encourage you to read my entire thread so that you could indeed see it is working out for us so far ;)
The post you quoted looks like it was my first which was 5 months ago!

Of course he wants to see me fulfilled, he is my husband and loves me.
Prostate cancer robbed both of us of our sex life. I chose not to cheat on him or leave him. Hubby chose to find a way for me to still have a sex life even if he couldn't. He gets satisfaction out of the fact that I am satisfied.

2inUPMichigan
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Re: New and still figuring it all out

Unread post by 2inUPMichigan » Tue Dec 11, 2018 8:26 am

Wanna Be Bob wrote:You have done a wonderful job of describing very intimate details of your journey, and I thank you for that. As has been mentioned numerous times, your husband is to be commended for his selflessness. He is a treasure. You, too are a treasure because you were willing to go down a path on which you were not comfortable traveling. That was kind to your husband. You accepted his gift. You have also been kind to the participants in this forum in detailing your journey. Thank you.

I wish you all the best as you continue to explore. You will have many great adventures.
Thanks Wanna Be Bob :up:
We really are very close. There have been some challenges and uncomfortable moments along the way but this journey still feels like our best and most logical solution to an unfortunate fact. We are both settling into our roles a bit more comfortably now. I still wish our situation was different but I am grateful to have him alive even if I can no longer have all of him.
This forum has been a place a healing for the most part and helped me work through this transition.

I plan on many more adventures ahead - the next one is on Thursday :mrgreen:
Thanks for following along!

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Re: New and still figuring it all out

Unread post by 2inUPMichigan » Wed Dec 12, 2018 6:16 am

What to wear, what to wear?
Tomorrow will be here before I know it and I'm not sure what to wear. Yep my nerves are starting to kick in!
It's about 30 degrees here so I have to dress for the weather.

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Re: New and still figuring it all out

Unread post by 2inUPMichigan » Wed Dec 12, 2018 7:55 pm

Oh fun! The motel he booked has a great pool and hot tub so we are planning on breaking for some relaxing in the hot tub! :mrgreen:
I wonder if that is before or after the spanking? :whip:
Looks like it will be a long night tomorrow. He asked if I had to be home at a certain time - because he is respectful like that. Nope no curfew for this hot wife ;) As long as I get home before any storms hit I'm good.

Now I don't have to be as concerned about what I wear - I could take something different to change into after the pool! :roll:

Looking forward to meeting H but also could use the stress relief before family visits next week!

Her number1

Re: New and still figuring it all out

Unread post by Her number1 » Thu Dec 13, 2018 6:00 am

LOL, After the pre-meet jitters of what to wear and the stress of family coming, it sounds like you are going to get some much needed stress relief tonight ;) .

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SutterKane
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Re: New and still figuring it all out

Unread post by SutterKane » Thu Dec 13, 2018 6:23 am

2UP, I hope there is an endless supply of overwhelming O's in store for you both. Christmas cheer, indeed!
Best wishes,
Sutter
"Women and cats will do as they please,and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea"-Robert Heinlein
"Gratitude is riches and complaint is poverty and the worst I ever had was wonderful"Bro. Dave Gardner
Dum Vivimus, Vivamus!

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Re: New and still figuring it all out

Unread post by 2inUPMichigan » Thu Dec 13, 2018 11:10 am

Wish me luck guys cause I aim to have fun so I've got that covered :twisted:

Yikes :!: He just sent me a text that he is in town - crap time to kick it into high gear to get ready. And there go the butterflies in my stomach, right on time ;)

I'm taking him some cookies too - or course I'm sweet too - yeah I know .... get going already! :lol: :whip:

FNQLivin

Re: New and still figuring it all out

Unread post by FNQLivin » Thu Dec 13, 2018 11:37 am

Have a great time!

Whosbeensleeping

Re: New and still figuring it all out

Unread post by Whosbeensleeping » Thu Dec 13, 2018 11:45 am

You are the fun! No worries there!

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Re: New and still figuring it all out

Unread post by 2inUPMichigan » Fri Dec 14, 2018 12:33 am

Oh my! Well that was fun!!!
I'm home but I can't go to sleep I'm wired :roll:

Briefly we had a great time and were together almost 10 hours :mrgreen:
Um, he had such a good time that he is already planning on when he can come up here again. He was talking about possibly in 2 weeks but I have plans so it will be more like 3-4 weeks.

He agrees with you whosbeensleeping :D that I am fun!
Her Number 1 -I'm feeling no stress at all right now! If I hadn't needed to drive home I wouldn't have wanted to move ;)
Sutter - gotta love a man who doesn't need a map or instructions to get the job done ;) over and over again :lol: Shhhh ... I Didn't say that out loud did it? Oops :oops:
FNQLivin - I had the best time he made sure of it :D

It was worth the wait after all this time. His first comment I believe was "you're real" and mine was "finally" as we hugged in the parking lot barely a minute after I got out of the car.
I'm finally starting to get tired and should get some sleep. I will try to write some more details in the morning.

Thanks for all your support in really means a lot to me!

Kentros

Re: New and still figuring it all out

Unread post by Kentros » Fri Dec 14, 2018 8:18 am

Sounds like hotwife encounter number 2 was a success :D

2inUPMichigan
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Re: New and still figuring it all out

Unread post by 2inUPMichigan » Fri Dec 14, 2018 9:02 am

Kentros wrote:Sounds like hotwife encounter number 2 was a success :D
It pays to be picky :up: and wait for the right situation because it was definitely a success!

He's already wanting to come up here on a monthly basis :whip: :mrgreen:

Whosbeensleeping

Re: New and still figuring it all out

Unread post by Whosbeensleeping » Fri Dec 14, 2018 10:33 am

Awesome! Better put a check beside him on the spreadsheet! Lol sorry, just had to get in some teasing there.

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Re: New and still figuring it all out

Unread post by jane » Fri Dec 14, 2018 1:10 pm

10 hours. whew. marathon.

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Re: New and still figuring it all out

Unread post by 2inUPMichigan » Fri Dec 14, 2018 1:21 pm

Whosbeensleeping wrote:Awesome! Better put a check beside him on the spreadsheet! Lol sorry, just had to get in some teasing there.
A check mark? Oh no, he deserves a gold star and to have his name highlighted!!
Yeah, still feeling the effects :mrgreen:

Here's another tidbit: I felt something besides a bare handed spanking for the first time :whip:
Exploring the wild side!!

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Re: New and still figuring it all out

Unread post by 2inUPMichigan » Fri Dec 14, 2018 1:30 pm

jane wrote:10 hours. whew. marathon.
We did break for dinner - had to refuel :lol: then back at it ;)
There was also talking and cuddling but yes it was a marathon!

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sherulestherooster
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Re: New and still figuring it all out

Unread post by sherulestherooster » Fri Dec 14, 2018 4:43 pm

OK, I have to ask: how many orgasms for each of you?
Experience in a cuckold relationship, now downgraded to wannabe cuckold
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Wanna Be Bob
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Re: New and still figuring it all out

Unread post by Wanna Be Bob » Fri Dec 14, 2018 4:47 pm

I'm really happy for all three of you. It's great that it has worked out so very well. Congratulations!

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Re: New and still figuring it all out

Unread post by 2inUPMichigan » Fri Dec 14, 2018 5:13 pm

sherulestherooster wrote:OK, I have to ask: how many orgasms for each of you?
Oh wow .... for him it was only three because he kept backing off so he could last longer ;) and he spent so much time devoting all his attention on me :D

Honestly I lost track for myself!! At one point it was one after another :oops: -hurry get the towel LOL
I think it became a challenge for him to see how many he could wring out of me :lol:

Thank God I'm not a screamer or we would have had the entire motel pounding on our door to keep the noise down!

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Re: New and still figuring it all out

Unread post by 2inUPMichigan » Fri Dec 14, 2018 5:17 pm

Wanna Be Bob wrote:I'm really happy for all three of you. It's great that it has worked out so very well. Congratulations!
Thanks so much! Yes this is one combination that is working out great and H is respectful of my husband and our relationship so it's all good.

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