Our Hotwives

Thanks, I hear what you say ElegantDeviant.

Life certainly is not perfect and we all make bad choices. For example, if the potential boyfriend has problems and issues in the marriage, the solution is not to just react to his wife's denial of frequent or better sex by cheating on her. What he should do is further address the issue with his wife. If she doesn't respond in a reasonable way then he should suggest counselling. If that doesn't work he should suggest intervention. If that doesn't work he should start initiating the divorce process.

If there are problems in the marriage, they are probably a 50/50 responsibility. If he cheats on his wife he is 100% responsible. There is no excuse for cheating. He has other options. Infidelity is a form of emotional and mental abuse by one spouse on the other. If he went to a therapist and explained his situation and they recommended that the solution was to betray his wife then they would probably be struck off. Of course they never would, so for him to say that he is trying to solve his marital problems by cheating is just pathetic.

He is cheating because he wants to. He likes the illicit thrill, he probably likes the idea of cuckolding Jane's husband as well as that will no doubt add to his excitement. He may be physically attractive but he is mentally weak and despicable.

I have read hundreds of threads where the betrayed spouse is in agony at the betrayal. Very rarely if ever has the cheater tried to heal the marriage beforehand, or rarely has the betrayed spouse been at fault. With the vast majority of cases all the issues lie with the cheater. They tend to be broken people seeking illicit thrills and/or validation. They are the ones with the problem not the betrayed spouse.

Infidelity usually results in four scenarios:

1. Divorce: where the family and children are torn apart.
2. Reconciliation: this can only happen when the cheater is truly remorseful i.e. unselfishly feeling the pain of the betrayed spouse above their own pain. It normally takes between 2-5 years for reconciliation to be successful and many aren't even when both parties are all in as it is often just too much to accept.
3. Rug sweeping:where the couple stay together for the sake of security, financial necessity and the children but do not address the issues or stay in denial. This will just result in a further betrayal or continued pain for both parties as trust, love and respect are seriously diminished.
4. Continuation of the affair: the worst scenario as the primary advice on surviving infidelity sites is for the betrayed spouse to get out of infidelity, first and foremost. The decision to reconcile or divorce is always secondary to this.

I suppose not finding out could be argued to be the fifth scenario but it is surprising how times the affair is discovered. Even if it isn't both the physical and emotional element he will give to Jane will be taken away from the marriage without his wife's knowledge or approval. Is that really acceptable? Where is the moral compass in all of this?

I am not criticising Jane as she no doubt hasn't really thought this through but I would be very disappointed if she continues once she has considered the potential ramifications and consequences to the wife and children of her potential future boyfriend. Not to mention the sickening thought of looking across a dining table in a restaurant, for example, as he tries to convince her what a wonderful person he is as he is about to cheat on his family....

Sorry to thread jack but I will not apologise for bring this up as it needed saying. I think many on this site may consider themselves immune from hurting someone else's loved ones. They are not. We are all vulnerable human beings.

FallingFree wrote:Thanks, I hear what you say ElegantDeviant.

Life certainly is not perfect and we all make bad choices. For example, if the potential boyfriend has problems and issues in the marriage, the solution is not to just react to his wife's denial of frequent or better sex by cheating on her. What he should do is further address the issue with his wife. If she doesn't respond in a reasonable way then he should suggest counselling. If that doesn't work he should suggest intervention. If that doesn't work he should start initiating the divorce process.

If there are problems in the marriage, they are probably a 50/50 responsibility. If he cheats on his wife he is 100% responsible. There is no excuse for cheating. He has other options. Infidelity is a form of emotional and mental abuse by one spouse on the other. If he went to a therapist and explained his situation and they recommended that the solution was to betray his wife then they would probably be struck off. Of course they never would, so for him to say that he is trying to solve his marital problems by cheating is just pathetic.

He is cheating because he wants to. He likes the illicit thrill, he probably likes the idea of cuckolding Jane's husband as well as that will no doubt add to his excitement. He may be physically attractive but he is mentally weak and despicable.

I have read hundreds of threads where the betrayed spouse is in agony at the betrayal. Very rarely if ever has the cheater tried to heal the marriage beforehand, or rarely has the betrayed spouse been at fault. With the vast majority of cases all the issues lie with the cheater. They tend to be broken people seeking illicit thrills and/or validation. They are the ones with the problem not the betrayed spouse.

Infidelity usually results in four scenarios:

1. Divorce: where the family and children are torn apart.
2. Reconciliation: this can only happen when the cheater is truly remorseful i.e. unselfishly feeling the pain of the betrayed spouse above their own pain. It normally takes between 2-5 years for reconciliation to be successful and many aren't even when both parties are all in as it is often just too much to accept.
3. Rug sweeping:where the couple stay together for the sake of security, financial necessity and the children but do not address the issues or stay in denial. This will just result in a further betrayal or continued pain for both parties as trust, love and respect are seriously diminished.
4. Continuation of the affair: the worst scenario as the primary advice on surviving infidelity sites is for the betrayed spouse to get out of infidelity, first and foremost. The decision to reconcile or divorce is always secondary to this.

I suppose not finding out could be argued to be the fifth scenario but it is surprising how times the affair is discovered. Even if it isn't both the physical and emotional element he will give to Jane will be taken away from the marriage without his wife's knowledge or approval. Is that really acceptable? Where is the moral compass in all of this?

I am not criticising Jane as she no doubt hasn't really thought this through but I would be very disappointed if she continues once she has considered the potential ramifications and consequences to the wife and children of her potential future boyfriend. Not to mention the sickening thought of looking across a dining table in a restaurant, for example, as he tries to convince her what a wonderful person he is as he is about to cheat on his family....

Sorry to thread jack but I will not apologise for bring this up as it needed saying. I think many on this site may consider themselves immune from hurting someone else's loved ones. They are not. We are all vulnerable human beings.

Oddly enough, hotwifing seems to be one of the only nonmonogamous kinks where people don't seem to mind cheating. That always strikes me as a little weird because nearly every other example of nonmonogamy requires consent from ALL involved parties. Sometime, I think it would be interesting to consider why.

While I personally will no longer be involved with people who are not in consensual relationships, I suggest that comments with regards to general topics start their own thread rather than clutter up Jane's. After all, there is certainly enough meat on this topic for its own thread.

In the meantime- we all have to form our own opinions on what is personally acceptable to ourselves in terms of morals.

I always respect your opinions SSQ, so I will retire gracefully

Jane - great update and so happy to read your post. Please, do not be discouraged to continue to post your journey.

FallingFree and ElegantDeviant – not cool to hijack Jane’s thread. Perhaps the moderator can move your comments to its own thread? When you have your own thread, I’d be happy to chime in about my thoughts on dating married men…

SSQ – thank you for stepping in (love you lady, you beat me to the punch )

ElegantDeviant wrote:

Husbands Kandi wrote:Jane - great update and so happy to read your post. Please, do not be discouraged to continue to post your journey.

FallingFree and ElegantDeviant – not cool to hijack Jane’s thread. Perhaps the moderator can move your comments to its own thread? When you have your own thread, I’d be happy to chime in about my thoughts on dating married men…

SSQ – thank you for stepping in (love you lady, you beat me to the punch )

I'm kinda new here and was wondering if that was kind of what I was doing. My first comment was short and apologetic about maybe overstepping. I finished reading Jane's thread recently and noticed she seems to often face criticism, I'm afraid she'll get fed up and won't want to post anymore one day. I'm sure she can defend herself and doesn't need me...Sorry Jane, sorry everyone!

ElegantD - Thank you for apologizing to Jane. Yes, we hotwives sometimes face criticism on our journeys and it discourages us from posting. Hence why VHWs come to each other's defense. And we appreciate being "defended" by the men on here too. Some wonderful friendships have come about that way. Your (and FallingF) topic could be a good thread on its own. Don't be discouraged yourself, just don't shame a HW for her own choices. Thank you again!!

Thanks SSQ and Husbands Kandi, I accept your criticism. I know I promised to retire from this thread but I would take this opportunity to say that I greatly respect you both. You seem able to enjoy this lifestyle and have strong loving marriages at the same time, as does Jane.

I was not cheated on, nor did I cheat; so I am not projecting. I became involved in infidelity forums for other reasons.

I would also say to Jane that I greatly admire both you and David in many ways, particularly when you are both prepared to cover the thorny issues of this lifestyle on a public forum. It is very courageous.

It is true on reflection that I was criticising that one particular decision to have a relationship with a married man based on my experience and knowledge of the damage that such a course of action can have but not you yourself as a person. No doubt another cliché…..

I would rather be unpopular than a hypocrite.

FallingFree wrote:Thanks SSQ and Husbands Kandi, I accept your criticism. I know I promised to retire from this thread but I would take this opportunity to say that I greatly respect you both. You seem able to enjoy this lifestyle and have strong loving marriages at the same time, as does Jane.

I was not cheated on, nor did I cheat; so I am not projecting. I became involved in infidelity forums for other reasons.

I would also say to Jane that I greatly admire both you and David in many ways, particularly when you are both prepared to cover the thorny issues of this lifestyle on a public forum. It is very courageous.

It is true on reflection that I was criticising that one particular decision to have a relationship with a married man based on my experience and knowledge of the damage that such a course of action can have but not you yourself as a person. No doubt another cliché…..

I would rather be unpopular than a hypocrite.

FallingFree, then why not start a thread? Let's have a discussion. I am open to contributing to it, as I am sure many of the hotwives here are.

Believe me, it's not a popularity contest- I'm frequently the Negative Nellie here! My point is that it's inappropriate to single out Jane, when I suspect the greater issue is the perspective of the majority of individuals involved in this particular kink.

So again- I invite you to share your thoughts elsewhere and leave Jane to her sharing. I agree it's absolutely a discussion worth having; just not on this particular thread.

I agree with those who suggest we leave the cheating topic alone. Jane chose to include it in her post, but I am so much more interested in Jane continuing to post than I am in this issue. I love her posts and this one amazing!

FallingFree, then why not start a thread? Let's have a discussion. I am open to contributing to it, as I am sure many of the hotwives here are.

Believe me, it's not a popularity contest- I'm frequently the Negative Nellie here! My point is that it's inappropriate to single out Jane, when I suspect the greater issue is the perspective of the majority of individuals involved in this particular kink.

So again- I invite you to share your thoughts elsewhere and leave Jane to her sharing. I agree it's absolutely a discussion worth having; just not on this particular thread.

OK SSQ, thanks for your valuable input. I will do just that.

I don't really have any knowledge of other hotwives views as I seem to follow threads where this doesn't happen but I will do my best to start a one that is worthy of discussion. Give me a few days though to collect my thoughts. Your input would then be much appreciated.

I for one have never thought of you as Negative Nellie by the way

I don't fall into sexual relationships with non lifestyle married men unless they are actively searching for partners outside of the marriage. If he is going to do it anyway and I find him attractive, it may as well be me.

Good for you Jane!

Shamblerett wrote:I don't fall into sexual relationships with non lifestyle married men unless they are actively searching for partners outside of the marriage. If he is going to do it anyway and I find him attractive, it may as well be me.

Good for you Jane!

Mr GILF

had a date last night. not too much to talk about , but david was caged. after we sat in bed and i took the cage off and just caressed him until he came

Ooh!

54321

Jane, it occurs to me that you've had extensive power over men for a long time; I'd guess you developed fairly early, and that must have been quite something to navigate as a young woman. I wonder about your thoughts as your experience has grown.
To have David cum just from your (no doubt Very sweet!) caresses....
I'd guess it's part of your own relationship to powerful men and how they attract you, and the ways you like to give them what they want, yet you also seem to take what you want.... That last episode in the shower; Very Hot!

actually i didn't 'develop fairly early' and i was more the studious type as a teenager than boy crazy.

jane wrote:actually i didn't 'develop fairly early' and i was more the studious type as a teenager than boy crazy.

I bet David is grateful that you have transformed into the sex Godess that you have becum.

Mr GILF

Did you tease David a little while giving him your caresses, Jane?

I'm pretty sure I'd have shot, too, as soon as the cage came off.

Very hot. Baby, you're the greatest!

jane wrote:had a date last night. not too much to talk about , but david was caged. after we sat in bed and i took the cage off and just caressed him until he came

OFG I think I just came too. LOL



Jane can you tell us if your lovely pussy was full of your lover's cum at the time? Was it from Grant's BBC?

Jane, does controlling David's sexuality excite you as much as it seems to excite David? Does David enjoy his role as a cuck more than he did back in the beginning of your play? It's been what? Ten years? That has to have brought many changes for the both of you. I would love to know what those changes are and would like to know David's thoughts on them as well. Thanks and I hope that you and David can find time to answer!
Sutter

Well I was mistaken, sorry about that. I suppose I should have taken more of your early posts into account, and how you got into this.

What were the most interesting studies for you?

Jane's your awesome.
It's great to know David likes cages
as I do.

jane wrote:had a date last night. not too much to talk about , but david was caged. after we sat in bed and i took the cage off and just caressed him until he came

You two are too hot!

Glad to see you posting again Jane. I was curious how things were going for you. Hugs....

happy holidays Jane and David! hope you are well and still adventuring!

Happy Holidays Jane and David! Hope to see you both posting again soon!
Best Wishes,
Sutter