Hopeful

[sadsap]

Hi. Long time reader, sometimes posting (my thread about my wife that is not a hotwife has been removed due to inactivty).

A little background, I wan't to be a cuckold, but so far I have no idea if I am one or not. I have been clear to my wife that I would like for her to have someone else "on the side" and that I am fine with that. We have been together since 2004, and the first year or two into our relationship she was interested in a man at her work, and he was clearly interested in her. We all hang out (in a n on-sexual way) from time to time, but after we got married it ended. The furthest I know that they got was that he put his hand on one of her breasts a few years back (after we got married) when they ran into each other.

I am hopeful something may happen, or might already have happened. My wife said this to me earlier today "The more I do with someone, the less I will tell you." and she only sometimes indugle me in my fantasy while we're having sex and this was not in a sexual setting (the IKEA restaurant). She is right now talking to one of her best friends in our house, and asked me to get them time to talk in private since she wanted to talk to her friend about something she did not want to talk to me about.

[ProfBaw]

If she does do something and you get to hear nothing about it will you be happy with that? I guess that's the most important thing you need to ask yourself at the moment.

My partner is free to do what she wants, when she wants, but I do want to hear about it. Watching her do stuff or even reading texts between the 2 of them does nothing for me at all. It's her feeding me information from spoken words that does it for me. If that weren't to happen, it would cease being about us as a couple because that's what both of us agreed to when entering into this. I won't go changing the rules because I happen to get a surge of jealously, but by the same token she can't just go cutting me right out of the equation too. You have to ask yourself if you're happy with what you're wife is offering you, if not, it's not gonna work the way you think it will. Once you say yes, it's very difficult to turn back.

[sadsap]

I've thought about if I would be happy with not knowing. I would prefer to know, since I would get a kick out of it, but her happiness means more for me and if she feels better having someone else and not telling me about it then that's fine. I feel like she has tried to hint at it at times earlier (but she has always said no when asked a direct question). Once she said that she and her mother are alike and that her mother had an affair way back. At the time I felt she wanted to talk about how that affected her as a child and the next time I brought it up she dialed down the part about her being like her and focused again more about how she felt about her mother having an affair.

[sadsap]

Time for an update. I now know that she has not done anything sexually with anyone else but that she is interested in having sex with a man at her work that she will go on a trip with in a few days. They have flirted with eachother for a while which I did not know when I started this thread. I changed my mind and told her I wanted to her to tell me directly in the future arter I confronted her with what she had said. We have some issues to work through (which we have started) regarding her choosing not to tell me (she is afraid that I will change my mind after she has hade sex with him) and my choice of placing my phone close by where she and her friend was talking and recording their conversation (which is how I know). I see where this is not a good step in general but after talking she opened up and for one thing said that she had not said anything this time because I was too pushy last time. She has also been more open about when she has talked with him now. I do not think anything will happen soon but her biggest concern is that she is afraid that if I change my mind afterwards our relationship will suffer. Van anyone give some advice? Thank you.

[HWwanabe]

I thought that a part , a major part ! , of hotwifing or cuckolding was that the husband knows everything because that gives him the kick .
Your situation can be compared with a way of cheating , what's really in it for you ? So you maybe get to know ( afterwards ) whether she had sex with another guy , but then again you might not be told also . She decides !
Wouldn't work for me , when I allow/encourage my wife ' to play outside ' , I would need to be included , meaning 100% openness from her part .

[adamgunnauthor]

Sadsap, your wife has trust issues; they need to be addressed.

When the two of you have some alone time, but not in bed or other sexy situation, sit her down and tell her that you're happy she's thinking about having sex with her coworker, if that's what she wants. Tell her you will support her no matter what her decision is. Ask her how she feels about what she's about to do, THEN LISTEN TO HER. Let her talk as long as she wants, don't interject your own thoughts and especially not your fantasies.

Do not make up rules for her, such as she has to provide you with a blow by blow after it's done. The only exception to this is about safety; let her know that you think she should use condoms, if that's something that concerns you.

And after she comes back from her trip, be cool. Let her have a day or two before you ask her if she did anything. And above all, if she does go to bed with him, be happy for her, completely non-judgmental.

If she doesn't trust you to support her, she either won't do it, or she'll just cheat on you and lie about it. And that's not the relationship you want, I'm sure.

[Des 31]

Time for an update. I now know that she has not done anything sexually with anyone else but that she is interested in having sex with a man at her work that she will go on a trip with in a few days. They have flirted with each other for a while which I did not know when I started this thread. I changed my mind and told her I wanted to her to tell me directly in the future after I confronted her with what she had said. We have some issues to work through (which we have started) regarding her choosing not to tell me (she is afraid that I will change my mind after she has hade sex with him) and my choice of placing my phone close by where she and her friend was talking and recording their conversation (which is how I know). I see where this is not a good step in general but after talking she opened up and for one thing said that she had not said anything this time because I was too pushy last time. She has also been more open about when she has talked with him now. I do not think anything will happen soon but her biggest concern is that she is afraid that if I change my mind afterwards our relationship will suffer. Van anyone give some advice? Thank you.

I suspect your wife's opinion that you might change your mind once it happens is common. And evidently, judging from occasional postings here, some men do have a problem with it. Jealousy is a common emotion at the outset. A guy's imagination of what it will be like is different from the reality, so this doesn't work for every couple. I had been encouraging my wife to have sex with another man for about a year before she and a coworker began fucking for some three months without my knowledge. How I found out about is detailed in the first few pages of our ongoing thread. When I confronted her, she was upset but agreed it would be difficult thereafter for her not to continue having sex with others.

What I did right, thankfully, was that I didn't display my anger over her covert affair without telling me. We had a calm talk and she agreed to take out a personals ad to meet other men. She has been fucking other guys now for six years and that works for us.

I wouldn't be surprised if he and your wife end up fucking while on their trip out of town. I hope you don't find you're overly jealous and have a fit about it when you find out. Wishing you the best of luck on this.

~ Des

[sadsap]

Regarding the talk we had one after I confronted her. Her main concern with goding forward is how I will react afterwards. The only rules set down are that I want to know before hand if she is planing om playing with someone, get to know that it has hapened and that she will use condoms. I had already purchased some the same day but before I confronted her to try and get my point across that I really am ok with it. At first she sounded that it was a bit of waste of money (these are regular size, I have an entry in the top 10 percent thread so they would not fit me comfortably). The rush that I have felt since we continued talking and sending texts during our workday is mind boggling and so hard to explain. Even if nothing happens now or even ever I am very grateful for having had the oportunity to feel this way. In roughly 24 hours she will go on the trip. We have agreed that before she leaves she needs to make a choice to either bring the condoms and thus have playing as an option or not. I think she will take them with her, and I feel like I can trust that she will tell me of they came to use. Tonight (we live in Sweden so it is morning here now) I assume she will prepare for the trip by shaving her legs and perhaps pussy which she has done for me earlier but to be honest it was quite a while back. I will however be gone for a while since I have floorball game this evening. I think giving her some alone time is good so I will not skip it, she was actually the one that brought it up. To all the replies above thank you very much for your concerns and insights. I think we both know how to proceed regarding our communication. I have read so many other couples starts here so I kind of have an idea for tomorrow evening for my part of things are still om go, keep myself busy, do not masturbate and do NOT pester my wife with questions about updates. I will try and give back to you all by updating again as soon as I have something more to let you know.

[afagehi7]

Have her take the condoms just in case. Don't force a decision now. She may decide no now but change her mind after a few drinks with her co-worker. Having the condoms will let her make a game time decision. Also, don't force her to have to tell you before. Just that she does tell you. Don't spoil the opportunity with her needing to call you for permission. Give her a hall pass and the condoms and let her make a game time decision. If it happens she's prepared and can tell you later.

[DbdChap]

Have her take the condoms just in case. Don't force a decision now. She may decide no now but change her mind after a few drinks with her co-worker. Having the condoms will let her make a game time decision. Also, don't force her to have to tell you before. Just that she does tell you. Don't spoil the opportunity with her needing to call you for permission. Give her a hall pass and the condoms and let her make a game time decision. If it happens she's prepared and can tell you later.

Sounds like great advice. Looking forward to being in that position

[sadsap]

And another update, my wife has choosen that we (her words) wait for a while. I can understand that, a few days ago she was alone on this idea, and then I came in and more or less made myself a part of it and thus almost forcing her to trust me to be ok with this. I feel like I now can completly trust her with not doing anything and not telling me afterwards. And before someone thinks that this is a lost opportunity, they will go on a similar trip atleast the next week and the week after that so there is no rush. Besides, we do not really know how this man really feels about it. Do not get me wrong, I will fuck my wife at any chance I get, but he might not want to do more than flirt with someone else than his partner. Anyway, thanks for helping us out and also giving me a place to share and hopefully be a part of helping someone else by showing them the perspective of someone that is almost a part of the lifestyle - I know reading other couples concerns and struggles have given me more insights earlier even if I have very rarely voiced that in the forum.

[DbdChap]

Sounds sensible to me, why rush things?! We’re at a similar stage, and I’m trying really hard not to push or force the issue. Just enjoying the fun we’re having with the flirting/fantasy

[afagehi7]

And another update, my wife has choosen that we (her words) wait for a while. I can understand that, a few days ago she was alone on this idea, and then I came in and more or less made myself a part of it and thus almost forcing her to trust me to be ok with this. I feel like I now can completly trust her with not doing anything and not telling me afterwards. And before someone thinks that this is a lost opportunity, they will go on a similar trip atleast the next week and the week after that so there is no rush. Besides, we do not really know how this man really feels about it. Do not get me wrong, I will fuck my wife at any chance I get, but he might not want to do more than flirt with someone else than his partner. Anyway, thanks for helping us out and also giving me a place to share and hopefully be a part of helping someone else by showing them the perspective of someone that is almost a part of the lifestyle - I know reading other couples concerns and struggles have given me more insights earlier even if I have very rarely voiced that in the forum.

Have her take condoms... just in case. Just have her start keeping some in her purse. Tell her it turns you on that she carries condoms in her purse.

[sadsap]

My wife shaved not only her legs but her pussy as well yesterday. I was with her buying stockings and was a little bit involved when she choose what to bring along to wear tonight. One dress that shows more cleavage and another that is shorter. She said while we were driving to the store to get her new stockings "I think one of the good things about this is that we are more open with eachother." We have hade sex twice this week which for a work week is something we have not had in many years, and the first time (monday) she initiated which she has done only a handful of times during our 15 years together. Looking back over the begining of the year were we had sex somewhere around a handful times in total the difference is quite big with what we have done now. Looking back I think the difference to where we once again started to have sex atleast every other week coincide to when she started working more with this other man. I do not exactly remember how long ago it was that she shaved her pussy for me so I really do not get the feeling that she did so for me. Condoms are packed after I said that it would be better to have that option open. She said that right now she did not think they would come to use. She has left for her trip and I will keep you updated when I have anything to write about.

[hwlurker88]

Excited for you! Hopefully you get a surprise text asking if you are OK for her to go through with it!

[Hotcplpec]

Good luck sadsap I hope it goes as you hope. Remember to enjoy the process and a lot of fun is had by imagining what could happen. Also it sounds like the best thing is already happening and that is your relationship is changing. A more open wife a more sexual wife already sounds like a win. Fingers crossed for you!

[sadsap]

Not much to report. She took the dress with virtually no cleavage. They have been in the bar and I would assume they are eating now. They are however not alone from their workplace so it probably sounds more interesting than it is so far. Her plan (before I was in on it) was to go back to the bar with him after dinner, drink and flirt and eventually have sex with him. We will see what the following hours have to bring.

[DbdChap]

How exciting!!

[StillHoping]

Condoms are packed after I said that it would be better to have that option open. She said that right now she did not think they would come to use.

The glass is half full or half empty depending on perspective. Maybe she plans to go bareback with him

[sadsap]

Condoms are packed after I said that it would be better to have that option open. She said that right now she did not think they would come to use.

The glass is half full or half empty depending on perspective. Maybe she plans to go bareback with him

She has been clear that using condoms are the only option so that is not how I interpreted her.

[sadsap]

They are in the bar now. Is it normal to be sweaty and have a high pulse at this point? My pulse is getting worse by the hour. I think I will go outside in the night breeze and do some gardening to cool off. Besides I have done most of the things I can do inside to keep me busy and not wake our son up.

[aztd]

Hot

[sadsap]

Have not heard from her for over an hour now and it is past midnight. We got up around 5 so she should be, in one way or the other, wanting to go to bed soon. Last message I sent her was that I had thought due to the time earlier without communication that she was in bed already and that that was ok. In any event she is obviously enjoying herself, but in what way I do not know. Can be that she is only talking with someone else as well.

[sadsap]

Last update before I go to bed. Sadly nothing special happened.

[Des 31]

My guess is that his dick is deep in your wife's married pussy right now. At least all the signs seem to be right, judging from all you have revealed.

Let us know. (If she will admit it to you.)