Wonderful Life With My Gorgeous Hotwife (revisited)

[goodjob]

I receive some fascinating PMs from folks who don’t want to go forth on the public forum. Sometimes I feel they are worth sharing, suitably anonymised. The following is a thought provoking piece that landed in my inbox. It stands several readings, and I feel absolutely compelled to share it with you, not just for its angle on Sherrie and I but for the obvious wider relevance to OHW. I’m not sure what I think of it yet, and I won’t venture a comment on it at this stage, save to say that my mind is somewhat blown to think that this has been triggered by our story. Whether readers think it valid or not, I am nevertheless deeply indebted to my correspondent for taking the time and trouble involved in penning such a cerebral piece of work and sending it to me.

John,

First, thanks again for writing your fascinating story. It's as 'out there' as anything I've read and you've told it in an engaging way. It's been on my mind quite a lot and now that you've told us the (first?) turning point, I did some deeper reading about BDSM, especially what would motivate an intelligent, accomplished woman like Sherry to subject herself to a demanding, sadistic man like Geoff.

Let me preface my remarks by telling you I'm a retired physician with some experience dealing with abnormal psychology but I'm not a psychiatrist. I also won't rehash what other readers have noted. Your saga has received many insightful and perceptive comments.

I'd like to draw your attention to the psychological concept of self-negation, ie: the desire to break down the normal psychological boundaries between our sovereign selves and our surroundings, including away from other people. Sort of the reverse of what normally happens during infancy when the young child begins to make distinctions between itself and everything else. Self-negation is the reverse of normal human development.

Self-negation often involves overcoming horror and disgust with things like body waste and rotting garbage. Self-negation leads to engagement with revolting objects and practices which serves to break down the normal psychological boundaries between our external environment and our sense of self. Emotionally, this is very powerful. I think that's why Geoff subjected Sherry to enemas, urinary catheters, rough anal sex, sensory deprivation, prolonged bondage, shame, humiliation, and severe pain via the cane.

Such normally repulsive things are absolutely excluded from the sanitized orderings of the person, their family, their local community, and their nation. Such transgressive practices muddy the normal boundaries in our world and attack our ways of deriving meaning and understanding, both of ourselves and the world. Thus, self-negation is an attack on the self and the wider community. It's a divisive force that moves us backwards.

At one point, Sherry asked you if her submission to Geoff was bottomless because it seemed that way to her. I think it was bottomless because the final, logical endpoint of total abnegation is death and oblivion. Poets and philosophers have long recognized the allure of darkness and the powerful call of the void.

As you've described him, Geoff seems to have been a clever sadist. His ingenuity probably knew no bounds and he may have subject Sherry to things she has never told you about, perhaps things she would sooner forget. Sherry told you she trusted Geoff and you trusted Sherry. But Sherry was under the influence of a scheming sadist who delighted in using her.

Total self-negation is an extreme case but it exists in milder forms through selflessness, asceticism, celibacy, abstinence, and self-discipline. Endurance athletes know it well. (Writing as a former marathoner whose knees have forced me to take up lap swimming.) It might also be the force driving cuckoldry, cock caging, self-celibacy, humiliation, and denial of self through feminization. As I stated, I'm no psychiatrist but I am an informed person with an opinion. I know many on OHW would strongly disagree.

Geoff was always going to drive a wedge between you and Sherry. It's the natural progression in self-negation and Geoff was the ultimate ringmaster. For him, splitting Sherry away from you was the next logical step. Not because he wanted Sherry for himself but because he wanted to destroy her relationship with you, and perhaps destroy you and her, as well. He never loved Sherry; he merely used her for his own ends. In spite of Geoff's coaching skills and the athletic help he gave Sherry, and in spite of her and your acquiescence, he was an evil son of a bitch who never had her true best interests at heart.

I think Sherry was questioning whether she should abandon Geoff when she showed you the layers of old and new cane marks he had given her. "Playing with fire?" she asked. "Is this a bottomless pit?" Even though she sometimes craved the cane, I think she knew, at least unconsciously, that the situation was spiraling out of control. You and her continually tested each other to find the edge but there was no edge to find. It just went on and on, deeper and deeper toward oblivion.

I suspect you both approached the edge of sanity. I'm glad you pulled back in time. There may have been a point beyond which she may have been lost to you, or even lost to herself.

There is a conceit common among intelligent people that they can think their way out of any predicament. As I've gotten older, I realize that's never been true. We are all vulnerable. We should not tempt fate, as some would call it. What that means is: We must not venture too far into the darkness and tempt the endless void, thrilling though that process might be.

Why did Sherry (and you) subject yourselves to such a brutal regime? Why did it last so long? I don't presume to know but I can point to some things. Freud thought self-negation and self-punishment reduced our unconscious guilt which he thought stemmed from childhood. Others have thought the cure for self-negation was to learn to love ourselves. When we accept our uniqueness and our capacity to contribute to others, we acknowledge our sovereign self and reestablish those boundaries that self-negation had sought to destroy.

I'll end it here. I hope you find this helpful. It's been helpful to me in that I did some reading and put some thoughts into words. That process always helps understanding. And isn't understanding the thing we seek?

I hope you don't take my observations as critical of you and Sherry. I don't intend to be personally critical but I can see how you might see it that way. My criticism of Geoff is harsh but I think justified. Perhaps your story is best understood as a cautionary tale. Your marriage survived and you prospered, and that's something.

I look forward to reading more. My continued best wishes to you and Sherry.

I 100% agree with him. Geoff was setting you two up and you couldn't see it. He anted her for himself and she kept denying it to you. Physical attraction is nothing when compared tom mental control. He was controlling her, and in the end, had her controlling you, as well. I've been screaming at my phone and computer since page 20.

[goodjob]

Fucking Jesus John. How did you put up with this? You’re either a saint, delusional or grasping at straws. At best you’re now the consolation prize. Completely being taken for granted. I feel like your letting the male species down. I would have given her the same ultimatum as Geoff, but then I would have lost her and it seems you kept her. However, I would have had dignity in my loneliness. Your way is probably better, let her work it out, but the tole it must have taken on your relationship. Incredible that it survived. Busy or not, try not to keep us waiting for the next chapter. We’re dying here.

Amen to this. I had three words come to mind immediately and they were FTC (the c is that c word. the f is that f word.)

[goodjob]

Ok, John. Time to now give you some credit.

Your writing brings out a lot of emotion. It is very good. I'm even more impressed with the quality of recall but not surprised. Traumatic events create an indelible mark in our memory, not soon forgotten, if ever.

Your wife manipulated the situation prior to the breaking point and then USED YOU as the scapegoat. Had G continued turning her against you and waited for the proper sign, she would have left you. No doubt in my mind, regardless of what you say.

I loved that she turned the heat down after the blowout. That earned her just a little bit of respect back. No way I can read any more of your stories. She takes complete advantage of you. It works for you guys so I can't completely call it out. But, I don't think it's healthy (again, just my own personal opinion).

I'm super happy you guys stayed together and continue to enjoy the "labor of your love," and I'm not talking science. Hahahaha

John, I wish you and Sherrie all the best. You guys have earned each other.

[blooit1]

Thanks J for persevering and closing out this wonderful tale.

I am kinda surprised that G and S relationship ended as it did. I do get how G would feel that S was topping from the bottom, but like any dynamic there has to be give and take and a certain amount of compromise; which G clearly didn’t want to make. I reckon it’s possible that his new budding relationship with his now wife perhaps had more impact than he let on??
Anyway, it’s good to know that you guys enjoyed it while it lasted.
Like some others, I’d love to hear of further exploits in you and S love lives.

TC
B

[antidote2909]

What a ride J. Absolutely amazing. Thank you so much for this wonderful story. Wish you all the best and hope you will have some time to tell us what the charming S is up to these days

[maffian]

I have been a long time lurker here, recently diving into the hot wife world with more short lived encounters and both of us loving it. That is not the point of this post though, I just wanted to express my admiration at your writing and in particular at very effective portrayal of the emotional states of J and S. Your description of the dark times in particular were very enlightening and a mirror into parts of our lifes. My wife is not very good at expressing and speakingabout emotions and I reluctantly have to force difficult conversations when we have the inevitable minor fallouts here and there. I sometimes feel resentful that I am the driver in solving our minor problems. From your story I realized two things, my wife might not be fully aware and be able to explain her emotions much like S just before your 'chaos' times. I also realized the importance of needing to discuss and really try to understand the underlying feelings in detail and really try to get to the bottom of it even if both parties are not comfortable doing so. Your writing has given me a new perspective and tools to make our marriage stronger and while we are making small steps it is reaping benefits. So thank you John, perhaps not your intention but you might have given us the inspiration and understaning to come up with tools that ulitmately mak us stronger together, and your portrayer of both of your mental states particularly during the dark times might be what ultimately enables us to prevent a marriage breakdown in the future so many thanks for all your efforts and time that went into it.

[Maddie_Hippychick]

John, first thank you for sharing your story. It was an amazing ride. I think we all appreciate the time and effort that you put into the retelling. Selfishly, I’d love to read more from you. I think there’s still more to your story. How was Sherry in the weeks and months following the breakup? How did she scratch her submissive itch after the Geoff era? Did she take on other lovers later? What’s life like for you two now?

[Asterix42]

Fucking Jesus John. How did you put up with this? You’re either a saint, delusional or grasping at straws. At best you’re now the consolation prize. Completely being taken for granted. I feel like your letting the male species down. I would have given her the same ultimatum as Geoff, but then I would have lost her and it seems you kept her. However, I would have had dignity in my loneliness. Your way is probably better, let her work it out, but the tole it must have taken on your relationship. Incredible that it survived. Busy or not, try not to keep us waiting for the next chapter. We’re dying here.

Amen to this. I had three words come to mind immediately and they were FTC (the c is that c word. the f is that f word.)

Seems significant that it was Geoff who ended things, not Sherrie. If he’d wanted to keep Sherrie going down the rabbit hole for another year or two, who knows how it would have ended.

[goodjob]

Fucking Jesus John. How did you put up with this? You’re either a saint, delusional or grasping at straws. At best you’re now the consolation prize. Completely being taken for granted. I feel like your letting the male species down. I would have given her the same ultimatum as Geoff, but then I would have lost her and it seems you kept her. However, I would have had dignity in my loneliness. Your way is probably better, let her work it out, but the tole it must have taken on your relationship. Incredible that it survived. Busy or not, try not to keep us waiting for the next chapter. We’re dying here.

Amen to this. I had three words come to mind immediately and they were FTC (the c is that c word. the f is that f word.)

Seems significant that it was Geoff who ended things, not Sherrie. If he’d wanted to keep Sherrie going down the rabbit hole for another year or two, who knows how it would have ended.

100% agree. I think he wanted to get her away from John. He pulled the trigger too soon, thankfully for John.

[Trickydicky69]

Will we hear what happens next?

[mewantingtobecucked]

I find it interesting that she feels the need for you to maintain your promises but she doesn't have to. She said she would tell you everything and she doesn't. Now, she's even telling you that she won't. This train is Randy Rhodes (off the track - Crazy Train).

Plus, she keeps guilting you into blaming yourself for her actions. Keeps putting the blame on you. I actually commend you for staying in the game. I would not have let her touch my willy until she got her shit under control. Yes, I am aware that this is having an outrageous effect on you as well. I genuinely hope you guys have been able to keep that under control since this affair ended.

Sadly, this is the most heart wrenching detail. She just stopped telling you everything even the guy she's having sex with after Geoff. If Geoff didn't move on when he did, she would find another reason to leave you like that phone call.

[Kingmidas]

Bump!! I live in hope.