Not sure if I'm in the right place..

[MonaLisaOverdrive]

Hi everybody!

I guess I have come here mainly seeking advice, up until very recently I had no idea the concept of a 'hotwife' actually existed.

My wife and I are fairly young, I'm in my mid 30's and she is in her late 20's, we are both in fairly good shape and have recently celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary. Please forgive me if this post becomes a little verbose, I would like to explain how I ended up here having only recently learned the concept of Hotwife.

My wife and I have been together for 4 years and in the beginning sex was easy and we both orgasmed without much effort, however recently we've been having a couple of issues. I bought her her first vibrator which she is very happy to use, although only on her clit she is weirded out by the thought of using it internally. I also bought some light bondage gear, wrist ties and blindfold, she enjoys those. But she has been struggling more and more to orgasm without the help of her vibrator, even orally which used to be a very easy thing to do. She seems to be in her own head a lot, if that makes sense? Finding it difficult to relax, she has also become very hard to turn on with foreplay, etc.

I should quickly state here for completeness that I've had many sexual partners over the years and I am her first in pretty much everything sexual, as she is from a very conservative culture.

This lead to us listening to a couple of sex podcasts, not the explicit kind though, and we would discuss the themes afterwards. One of them was about fetishes, I said that I always found other people desiring my partners to be very sexy. She seemed to like the idea of this one and proposed that we go out to a club and she dance with a few guys while I watch, she even asked if I would be ok with her kissing the guys if she wanted or letting them touch her butt. She has an incredible butt. I said I would be ok with both.

We have yet to have an opportunity to actually go and do this.

She mentioned threesomes casually, when we were discussing fantasies and said that she would prefer a male escort or something so she wouldn't have to worry about 'give them pleasure' and could just focus on herself. Although mostly she says that she would never think of having sex with anyone but me. But I wonder about that...

She is going away this week for work and I encouraged her to enjoy the social aspects of the time away and maybe flirt with a guy, she just laughed and said "maybe I'll take my wedding ring off."

Anyway all this talk led me to do some research, as I'm aware that some people do life this kind of lifestyle, and I've thought deeply about whether I would actually want to go that far. I think I would be ok with it, I want her to get the most out of life, we only live once after all.

But, I'm wondering, does it sound like I've got a bit of a secret 'wanna-be' hotwife in the making?

Again, I'm very sorry if this post is too long for the intro section! But this is the first time I've 'verbalised' these thoughts in anyway and I wanted to be clear about why I'm here. To learn about this lifestyle and to get advice about it.

Thank you for coming to my Ted talk

[Pufferfish]

Welcome. Long threads are commonplace here (It's a complicated subject). So don't worry about it. At least you break it down into paragraphs.

It sounds as if you're still discovering what aspects about this lifestyle you find intriguing and which you aren't quite sure about yet. Regardless, I would say you're in the right place. There are many different areas and threads to visit and figure out which ones you like and which you don't. Not everyone fits into a specific box in this lifestyle, it's ok to be confused which aspects you like and don't like while you figure it all out. And most of us are more than happy to try to answer any questions.

Most women aren't as complicated as they think. They claim not to fantasize or think about having sex with other men. And some don't. But most do. That doesn't mean they go through with it however. From the things you've shared so far and the common reactions to them, I'd say your wife is very interested in trying out this lifestyle. She seems to be hesitant mostly out of fear or concern for your relationship as is very common. Women always want to downplay their interest in this so not too seem to eager or excited. They like to view/think of themselves as "the good wife" and not a "slut" and would "never do such a thing". Most wouldn't and don't go through with anything unless their husband encourages them to, but they are usually very much interested in doing just that. Just takes some communication, trust, and encouragement.

I don't think the "escort" thing is a good idea, but that works for some people. Ultimately if you do go through with anything, you should both be on the same page and have great communication about it. And this lifestyle (unless you're going down the poly relationship path) should only be about the 2 of you. Therefore, whomever the other guy is, it doesn't matter if he's an escort or not, enjoying himself or not, the experience is for the 2 of you. He's a walking, talking, dildo. If she chooses to be more invested in that relationship than that, that's completely up to the 2 of you. In the end, almost all of the guys you'll find to help you with this, get their pleasure from pleasuring her. So they will take care of their own enjoyment, so she's free to enjoy everything exactly the way she wants it.

[SilverStag]

Welcome.

Your comment about the reason for the "escort thing", resonated with me.

My HW, Cecil, doesn't usually like 3 somes for that same reason. she doesn't want to feel obligated to get 2 guys off, when what she really needs is to concentrate on her own orgasm in order to have one. Being able to trust that the 3rd is there only for her pleasure is a tricky thing to actually produce, since, once we guys get going, we sometimes get lost in the "red mist" of chasing our own orgasm. My guess is your wife feels that someone she is paying to produce a result will be more likely to come through (no pun intended) than just some random guy who says he will see to her first.

I'm not a fan of paid sex workers, but I get it.

[wannabecUKold]

Yes, it does sound asthough she is a wannabe hotwife. How lovely. It's good that she is talking.

It's definitely a big advantage to use an escort, in that he does not need looking after. An erotic masseur would be best, so things can go as far or as little as she wants. Also it's advisable not to use some young hunk (who will have little care except for the money). Choose an older fit guy who can give her a great massage even if it remaimns non-sexual. In the UK some guys advertise as giving massage services to women. But most masseurs, even if advertising as gay, are in fact bisexual and happy to serve women.

Preparation is the key to making this work well, rather than feeling sleezy, . Visit the guy yourself first and check him out. This also allows you to explain what you want. On the day, make sure everything is high class - eg book into a smart modern clean hotel with her, have a shower, get some champagne and candles, get relaxed yourselves. Then he arrives. She should be nude or near nude. He can stay in shorts and t-shirt to start. But he can disrobe as she relaxes. Precisely what he will do depends on her and on the moment. But make it clear to him that you yourself are fine with him doing whatever she likes. Don't let him overstay.

[gesdell]

I have heard that vibrators and the Rabbit can overstimulate the clitoris and numb or make it less sensitive. That, if true, might be the reason that she is having a hard time achieving orgasm by any other method. Try giving it a break and maybe you will be able to make her come yourself.

[MonaLisaOverdrive]

Thank you for your replies, I've taken some time to think them over before coming back to reply.

@Pufferfish. Thanks for your considered response, I assume from your picture you are the HW in the relationship? I think you probably nailed my wifes fears regarding the issue. In her culture people have 'affairs' and they are never a good thing. I'm sure she is aware that couples all over the world have semi/fully-open relationships, although like myself before my research I doubt she is aware of 'hotwifing' being a thing. And I'm sure her mentality around affairs and conservative culture will be a big road block in her mind. We live in a country where prostitution is completely legal and there is a professionalism around the industry, of course I'm sure the level of professionalism varies wildly.

@Silverstag. I think you may have also nailed this one, although we haven't spoken deeply on the issue. However an interesting interaction happened when we were watching an episode of Friends. Ross brought up the idea of a threesome to his lesbian wife and she jumped at the idea, this prompted my wife to ask me if I'd ever had a threesome and I admitted that I had not. She said "I don't like threesomes, would you like two women?" And I responded that I couldn't see the point in a threesome with two women, if I was to do a threesome then 2 men would be the way I'd prefer to go. She didn't say anything and returned to the show, conspicuous in her silence perhaps? May be nothing, but she didn't say "I wouldn't like that either."

@wannabecUKold. Thank you for your advice, this is something I have thought on. I have decided that I will look into getting her an erotic massage (no sex) for her birthday and see if I am allowed to watch (although not participate), that way she can experience to some degree another guy in our dynamic and it can go as far or not as she likes. Either way, she gets a nice massage and I might learn something for our massages at home. There are a few pretty professional looking outfits in our city that I'm emailing for details. It seems like it might be a nice way for her to experience a naughty, sexy, guilt free and importantly no pressure gift for her birthday.

@gesdell. Thanks for the information, while I think the issue is more in her head so to speak this is definitely something I will consider.

So now, on to an issue that I've had as a recurring thought over the time I've been mulling over our occasional conversations on the matter. As I mentioned in my first post, my wife was a complete sexual virgin before we started dating. Stepping over this line, so to speak, would mean that I am no longer her only sexual partner. It's a line that once crossed, cannot be uncrossed. I suppose that is true for all marriages, however for some reason the fact I've been her only sexual partner up until now, it feels different.

Am I being unfair to her in this regard? Would I feel the same if she had had other partners before me? Am I being an example of toxic masculinity by feeling protective over this dynamic of our relationship? Our relationship is built on a hell of a lot more than just "I'm her only sexual partner," it's inconsequential in regards to my love for her. I would have loved her just the same if she had had other partners before me, yet why do I worry about that point? It's a nice warm fuzzy male ego boost I suppose, but it's never been important to me. So why do I worry about it in this context?

I don't expect anyone here to be able to answer these questions for me of course, I'm not here for any kind of psychological therapy, but if anyone has any insight that might help me towards untangling my circular thoughts on this issue I'd greatly appreciate it.

And I greatly appreciate those who have taken the time to respond to my post so far, already I've been given a lot to think on.

[Pufferfish]

To answer your question, no the avatar is my hotwife, not myself. But to delve into your more recent concerns, you'll find a lot of similar thoughts and fears throughout this forum.

Your fears about you being her only sexual lover most likely are a fear of her discovering something worth leaving you for if she experiences others. Fear of your hotwife developing feelings and leaving you for her lover is the #1 fear on this site. Ultimately it comes down to your tolerance of risk, trust in your wife, communication, and health of your marriage. Maybe it's not a risk you wish to take, but I'd ask "Is it your decision? Or hers?" To be honest, I'd say your wife probably shares the exact same fear, which is why she might be hesitant to go through with it. Which brings us to your next question, is it fair to her? I'd say no. If it's her decision to not become a hotwife, then so be it. But if she would, and you say no, would you feel guilty?

Right now, I'd say you still have quite a lot of talking and figuring things out together before anything physical should happen. You both need to be on the same page. Fully aware of the possibilities, consequences, each other's feelings and desires, and confidence and trust in each others decisions. Not to mention a fair and equal say. Until you have the foundation, you shouldn't move forward. So your next 24 steps, are communication and trust.

[MonaLisaOverdrive]

Your fears about you being her only sexual lover most likely are a fear of her discovering something worth leaving you for if she experiences others. Fear of your hotwife developing feelings and leaving you for her lover is the #1 fear on this site. Ultimately it comes down to your tolerance of risk, trust in your wife, communication, and health of your marriage. Maybe it's not a risk you wish to take, but I'd ask "Is it your decision? Or hers?" To be honest, I'd say your wife probably shares the exact same fear, which is why she might be hesitant to go through with it. Which brings us to your next question, is it fair to her? I'd say no. If it's her decision to not become a hotwife, then so be it. But if she would, and you say no, would you feel guilty?

Right now, I'd say you still have quite a lot of talking and figuring things out together before anything physical should happen. You both need to be on the same page. Fully aware of the possibilities, consequences, each other's feelings and desires, and confidence and trust in each others decisions. Not to mention a fair and equal say. Until you have the foundation, you shouldn't move forward. So your next 24 steps, are communication and trust.

Yeah, I think you're correct. You nailed my nagging fear, it's comforting to know that I'm not alone in that sense. Sharing my partners hasn't ever been a fantasy of mine and I find the idea to be scary. I completely understand logically what seems to be her curiosity in sleeping with different people, it's natural especially for someone that has never had that experience.

I believe our marriage is extremely strong and healthy, we have great communication and trust. So, I guess it's time to ask her what she wants. She is away for business and back tomorrow, I've promised her a massage once she is home so that might be the perfect time to bring it up. Thanks again for your astute observations and taking the time to reply and helping me get my head around the situation, I think it will help for us having a much more productive talk on the subject.

At the end of the day I love her and want her to get the most out of life, so I will be approaching the conversation from that angle and hopefully that gives her the encouragement to verbalise one way or the other about what she is curious about. I'll be sure to post back in a few days and let anyone that's interested know what came of the talk.

[Pufferfish]

It's no problem. One more thing I'll add, it's difficult for a woman to admit these desires to her husband. In the back of her mind, the voices of every woman she knows and thoughts tell her "be a good wife, not a slut". So most all women are adamant that they don't want this. Or that even if they do want it, they would never act on it. Especially one who has never experienced others, I would imagine, would be very hesitant to go through with anything just to sate her curiosity and hunger. Usually it takes quite a few conversations to know for certain that you won't get mad and would support her decision before she'll honestly open up about it. Just some food for thought. Good luck.

[kaskap79]

Have you thought of introducing erotic stories about the subject to your wife?

For many women reading erotic stories can be more exciting than watching porn.

In Literotica they have many categories where the "Loving Wife" section is about women having sex with another person than her husband.
Maybe you can find a story that really tricks you and then share it with your wife, if she likes it, you know your are on the right path.

You can find the stories here:

https:// www. literotica. com/c/loving-wives

Just copy the link into your browser and remove the spaces.

[MonaLisaOverdrive]

It's been a hectic couple of weeks but I have finally found some time to jump on the computer and provide an update.

My wife came back from her business trip and after a shower I got down to giving her a full body massage. I was intending to bring up the topic, well imagine my surprise when she brings it up herself. We discussed it, mostly about her insecurities when dealing with people she doesn't know and how she probably wouldn't enjoy flirting with strangers and she admitted being curious about sleeping with other guys but she described it like drugs - something she is curious about but has no intention of ever doing.

That seemed to be the end of it. I took her at her word and didn't bring it up again.

Now in the last week one of her good friends, probably her best friend right now although we haven't known her and her husband for too long, roughly a year, admitted to my wife that her and her husband were in an open relationship. Apparently it's been the way their relationship has always been. I'm 95% sure that she was the driving force in their relationship being open. She is a bit of a fire cracker They are both young like us, and she is also Asian. So we click in a lot of ways, share many life experiences. My wife and her have become pretty close.

And just like that after a couple of weeks my wife was bringing the topic back up again. One night in bed she asked me what I thought of an open marriage, I told her to go first as she brought the topic up. She said that it wasn't something that she thought would work for us right now. I said that as I have no interest in sleeping with or chasing other women I don't think it would be a workable solution. However, I reinforced my point that I wouldn't mind her exploring new experiences with other guys as long as the focus on these interactions was our relationship. Separating love from sex and using the other person as a sort of walking, talking, dildo. I don't really remember how the conversation ended as I was pretty tired.

So, I've got a bit to digest really, like why does this topic keep coming up coincidentally? Just as we had put the topic to bed, seemingly, her best friend admits that she is in an open relationship and that provides us with an avenue to continue the discussion. I'm a pretty cynical guy, so I do wonder about coincidences And, this is definitely the cynic in me speaking but, is it possible she knew about her friends open relationship before my wife revealed it to me last week? And I'm being steered into this by more than one pair of hands?

I'm still not sure my wife is actually all that interested as she does say that she isn't interested in sex with other guys, or other guys touching her in general. She was supposed to go dancing with her friend and have fun but she seems to be going cold on this, again due to not liking the idea of being too close to other guys.

I'm thinking of not bringing it up at all and just kinda seeing how long it takes before she mentions it again. Anyway, sorry for another long post, any input from those more experienced than myself would be a massive help in sorting out my thoughts on the situation.

[elina]

DearMonaLisaOverdrive,

Maybe your wife is just being open and straightforward with you?
Ladies often think back and forth about ideas and things and in my opinion, it is a prerogative of any Lady to change Her mind and as husbands I think we need to accept that. Don't push her, but demonstrate your support for Her if/when She tells you she has an opportunity to explore. Do you know if Her friend has a steady lover? Would Her Friend be willing to loan Her lover to your Wife?

She may very well have learned about this from Her best friend before She let you into the secret, does it really matter?
I think you are handling this well, continue the open discussion with your Wife. I fully support your stand that you don't have to start looking for other Ladies even if you allow your Wife the privilege.

I think many of us really wants our wives to be happy and if that takes a lover for Her we are all for it, but at the same time some of us prefer to only focus on the Wife. I think this is a good way to ensure that the relationship continues to grow.

Just my thoughts
elina

[mundyman]

It's been a hectic couple of weeks but I have finally found some time to jump on the computer and provide an update.

My wife came back from her business trip and after a shower I got down to giving her a full body massage. I was intending to bring up the topic, well imagine my surprise when she brings it up herself. We discussed it, mostly about her insecurities when dealing with people she doesn't know and how she probably wouldn't enjoy flirting with strangers and she admitted being curious about sleeping with other guys but she described it like drugs - something she is curious about but has no intention of ever doing.

That seemed to be the end of it. I took her at her word and didn't bring it up again.

Now in the last week one of her good friends, probably her best friend right now although we haven't known her and her husband for too long, roughly a year, admitted to my wife that her and her husband were in an open relationship. Apparently it's been the way their relationship has always been. I'm 95% sure that she was the driving force in their relationship being open. She is a bit of a fire cracker They are both young like us, and she is also Asian. So we click in a lot of ways, share many life experiences. My wife and her have become pretty close.

And just like that after a couple of weeks my wife was bringing the topic back up again. One night in bed she asked me what I thought of an open marriage, I told her to go first as she brought the topic up. She said that it wasn't something that she thought would work for us right now. I said that as I have no interest in sleeping with or chasing other women I don't think it would be a workable solution. However, I reinforced my point that I wouldn't mind her exploring new experiences with other guys as long as the focus on these interactions was our relationship. Separating love from sex and using the other person as a sort of walking, talking, dildo. I don't really remember how the conversation ended as I was pretty tired.

So, I've got a bit to digest really, like why does this topic keep coming up coincidentally? Just as we had put the topic to bed, seemingly, her best friend admits that she is in an open relationship and that provides us with an avenue to continue the discussion. I'm a pretty cynical guy, so I do wonder about coincidences And, this is definitely the cynic in me speaking but, is it possible she knew about her friends open relationship before my wife revealed it to me last week? And I'm being steered into this by more than one pair of hands?

I'm still not sure my wife is actually all that interested as she does say that she isn't interested in sex with other guys, or other guys touching her in general. She was supposed to go dancing with her friend and have fun but she seems to be going cold on this, again due to not liking the idea of being too close to other guys.

I'm thinking of not bringing it up at all and just kinda seeing how long it takes before she mentions it again. Anyway, sorry for another long post, any input from those more experienced than myself would be a massive help in sorting out my thoughts on the situation.

If your wife was going to get into this lifestyle, if she was going to meet another man, or woman, if she were going to have sex with someone else, the best and easiest way for her to do it most comfortably, would be with a partner. Enter her new best friend who is in an open relationship.
It is a generalization that women often are not lone wolves but prefer the security and confidence of doing things in groups of friends. Don’t women always like to go to the bathroom together. Yes this may be an over generalization, but there is truth in it.
If you are truly interested in your wife at least being out there to experience other men, you only live once right, I then think your best option is to encourage your wife to go on girls nights out with her friend. I’m sure her friend has a network of friends, and friends with benefits, in the lifestyle that she can introduce her to.
Maybe her friend goes to bars and clubs and meets lovers that way. If so she can teach your wife how to meet men in the wild. Again, everyone likes a wingman.
Have you and your wife, and her friend and husband been out together? There are a couple of options there:
1) If they are swingers, and your wife finds her husband attractive, he could be her next lover. That way it keeps everything in a small circle of trusted friends.
2) if you let this couple know you are interested in the lifestyle, perhaps you go out to a bar or club together, you and the other husband hang in the background and watch your wives interact with other men they might meet. If they make a connection you arrange for your wives to finish the night with their new friends.
3) perhaps my strongest suggestion. If you know and trust this couple enough, have a discussion with them about the lifestyle. Ask questions, get their viewpoint and experiences. Learn how they incorporate it into their relationship to IMPROVE their relationship and make it stronger. Learn how they got into it, and ask the questions you have. Hopefully not only will your wife learn, but you will as well. Ask your questions.

Whatever you do,I’m wish you good luck and a happy journey in your life together whichever path it might take.

[Nothing2see]

3) perhaps my strongest suggestion. If you know and trust this couple enough, have a discussion with them about the lifestyle. Ask questions, get their viewpoint and experiences. Learn how they incorporate it into their relationship to IMPROVE their relationship and make it stronger. Learn how they got into it, and ask the questions you have. Hopefully not only will your wife learn, but you will as well. Ask your questions.

Whatever you do,I’m wish you good luck and a happy journey in your life together whichever path it might take.

This is one of the more thought out replies I have seen in this forum in the many years I have hung out here. Maybe invite them over for a afternoon BBQ and have the conversation in suggestion 3 above. At the very least they are a wealth of information in real time, and I have found *most* people in a working open relationship are more than happy to discuss it with anyone respectful and non-judgemental. It could give you and your wife things to talk about for weeks. Just letting her go off into the wild with the "firecracker" is not a great idea in.my opinion if the two of you are not solid on desires and expectations beforehand. Avoid using the word "rules" if possible. Desires ,expectations, and limits are better choices.

[MonaLisaOverdrive]

Maybe your wife is just being open and straightforward with you?
Ladies often think back and forth about ideas and things and in my opinion, it is a prerogative of any Lady to change Her mind and as husbands I think we need to accept that. Don't push her, but demonstrate your support for Her if/when She tells you she has an opportunity to explore. Do you know if Her friend has a steady lover? Would Her Friend be willing to loan Her lover to your Wife?

She may very well have learned about this from Her best friend before She let you into the secret, does it really matter?
I think you are handling this well, continue the open discussion with your Wife.

I always assume she is being open and honest with me, I would never assume otherwise. I guess I just think in a different way, once I've made a decision I'm very firm on it, so I think I just find it amusing that she says she doesn't like the idea of other guys touching her yet she seems to bring up the topic of open relationships from time to time. Maybe it really is just a simple curiosity.

I guess you're right, it doesn't really matter where she got the idea. Although I wouldn't like the fact if someone else was pushing their own agenda onto my wife. I'm not sure her friend is particularly active at the moment, I also don't think my wife is ready to be taking a lover at this stage. Going from how our recent conversations have played out.

Have you and your wife, and her friend and husband been out together? There are a couple of options there:
1) If they are swingers, and your wife finds her husband attractive, he could be her next lover. That way it keeps everything in a small circle of trusted friends.
2) if you let this couple know you are interested in the lifestyle, perhaps you go out to a bar or club together, you and the other husband hang in the background and watch your wives interact with other men they might meet. If they make a connection you arrange for your wives to finish the night with their new friends.
3) perhaps my strongest suggestion. If you know and trust this couple enough, have a discussion with them about the lifestyle. Ask questions, get their viewpoint and experiences. Learn how they incorporate it into their relationship to IMPROVE their relationship and make it stronger. Learn how they got into it, and ask the questions you have. Hopefully not only will your wife learn, but you will as well. Ask your questions.

Whatever you do,I’m wish you good luck and a happy journey in your life together whichever path it might take.

Thank you very much for these suggestions, they are definitely food for thought. We do meet up with them socially from time to time but we haven't been out to a bar with them before, we're not big drinkers. I will definitely raise the idea with my wife should the topic come up again though, I'm sure they are a wealth of information and I have no idea how their flavour of open relationship works. It will certainly make for interesting dinner conversation

This is one of the more thought out replies I have seen in this forum in the many years I have hung out here. Maybe invite them over for a afternoon BBQ and have the conversation in suggestion 3 above. At the very least they are a wealth of information in real time, and I have found *most* people in a working open relationship are more than happy to discuss it with anyone respectful and non-judgemental. It could give you and your wife things to talk about for weeks. Just letting her go off into the wild with the "firecracker" is not a great idea in.my opinion if the two of you are not solid on desires and expectations beforehand. Avoid using the word "rules" if possible. Desires ,expectations, and limits are better choices.

This is 100% how I feel. While my wife going out with her friend is something I would never try to prevent, I do think she is good company for her in many ways. My wife can be a little ball of stress sometimes and I think her having the opportunity and someone to let her hair down with can only be good for her. I don't have any worries that my wife will feel pressured to do anything she is currently uncomfortable with, but I do think her having a safe friend to let her hair down with can only be a good thing for her.

One of the issues I think we struggle with is that my wife was completely innocent about sex before we started having it, to the point where I don't think she really realises how much spice and variety there is. She doesn't really seem to have any fantasies, a sort of "you don't know what you don't know," type of situation. A previous commenter @kaskap79 suggested getting her onto the literotica website, that sounds like a great way for her to explore different situations and see what appeals to her as porn is very male centric. I will bring this up to her the next time we're discussing sex and maybe set her the task of finding some new scenarios that she has never thought of before and sending me ones she likes.

[Pufferfish]

You made it sound like because the two of you talked about it once and she said she wasn't that interested in it, that this is the truth and the end of the conversation.

1) That's not how women work. And 2) That's not how women work.

Like I said earlier because you are her only real experience she's unlikely to be to go out and do something like this easily even if she wants to. She wouldn't want to screw up what she has. But she could be, and in my opinion clearly is, extremely interested in it. Women are heavily influenced by 2 factors. The world around them, ie college, work, etc. And their friends. If a woman has a bunch of friends who are all married and having babies... she will want to be married and have babies. If her friends are of a particular sexual lifestyle... she will be intrigued by that possible lifestyle. It doesn't mean that she will come home one day and say she wants to have an open relationship, but it's going to be a topic of conversation sometimes. It doesn't mean her friend is pushing her to do anything or manipulating a scenario.

She's going to be hesitant. Even if this is something she REALLY REALLY wants, she's not going to come right out and say that. She's going to test the waters. See what you think. Tell you a little about it. Then say she could NEVER do that. Then the next time she'll say she SHOULD NEVER do that COULD SHE? Then MAYBE. Then fun to think about. And slowly work her way to the YES she wants to say. Maybe she'll never make it all the way there. But that's her choice. But it's never a one conversation decision.

I mean really, you seem to be fighting this and seem more reluctant now than in your first post. So if you're not into this kind of thing, you need to decide that and have a conversation with your wife about it. If this is something you want, her having a friend like this only works in your favor. You need to decide what you want first though.

[MonaLisaOverdrive]

I mean really, you seem to be fighting this and seem more reluctant now than in your first post. So if you're not into this kind of thing, you need to decide that and have a conversation with your wife about it. If this is something you want, her having a friend like this only works in your favor. You need to decide what you want first though.

I've spent a lot of time thinking about the advice you've given over the last few months so I thought I'd come back with an update. I've done some soul searching and decided that I would be happy moving forward in a limited (for these forums) capacity. I don't ever see myself caged, humiliated and being denied sex, however I would certainly be open to my wife exploring in a more careful capacity. Probably the occasional threesome, would be where I was comfortable.

Now my wife and I haven't had any direct discussions on the topic as currently I dont think either of us are ready to be jumping in with both feet, but we've had quite a few more 'fun and jokey/flirty' conversations around the topic. We've talked about her going out with her friend and meeting guys in bars for chats and flirting and would consider her essentially 'single' during these nights out, I've said that she is free to act how she wants on these nights out. She's been out once already but had trouble letting her guard down, it's been a while since she's flirted with other guys so she's still shaking off the rust as it were.

We've also discussed how it would be hot to go out together and me watch her flirt and dance with other guys, we haven't yet had a chance to do that. We've also roleplayed a little in the bedroom, with me blind folding her and pretending to be a lover and not her husband which she has enjoyed quite a lot.

So in some ways we've made progress, in others not so much. But mainly I've come around to the idea somewhat and I want her to be happy and get the most out of life. I feel that our more light hearted conversations are an easier (and less pressured) way for us to communicate right now, rather than a direct and serious conversation on the topic. After all, isn't it common for truth to be spoken in jest? She's currently on holiday in Vietnam with her family and we've jokingly discussed that she be single until I come and join them in Janurary. I don't expect anything to happen at all, but I guess each time we discuss her 'single status' it makes it much easier to adjust to the mentality for the next time.

[Long Lurker 34]

I mean really, you seem to be fighting this and seem more reluctant now than in your first post. So if you're not into this kind of thing, you need to decide that and have a conversation with your wife about it. If this is something you want, her having a friend like this only works in your favor. You need to decide what you want first though.

I've spent a lot of time thinking about the advice you've given over the last few months so I thought I'd come back with an update. I've done some soul searching and decided that I would be happy moving forward in a limited (for these forums) capacity. I don't ever see myself caged, humiliated and being denied sex, however I would certainly be open to my wife exploring in a more careful capacity. Probably the occasional threesome, would be where I was comfortable.

Now my wife and I haven't had any direct discussions on the topic as currently I dont think either of us are ready to be jumping in with both feet, but we've had quite a few more 'fun and jokey/flirty' conversations around the topic. We've talked about her going out with her friend and meeting guys in bars for chats and flirting and would consider her essentially 'single' during these nights out, I've said that she is free to act how she wants on these nights out. She's been out once already but had trouble letting her guard down, it's been a while since she's flirted with other guys so she's still shaking off the rust as it were.

We've also discussed how it would be hot to go out together and me watch her flirt and dance with other guys, we haven't yet had a chance to do that. We've also roleplayed a little in the bedroom, with me blind folding her and pretending to be a lover and not her husband which she has enjoyed quite a lot.

So in some ways we've made progress, in others not so much. But mainly I've come around to the idea somewhat and I want her to be happy and get the most out of life. I feel that our more light hearted conversations are an easier (and less pressured) way for us to communicate right now, rather than a direct and serious conversation on the topic. After all, isn't it common for truth to be spoken in jest? She's currently on holiday in Vietnam with her family and we've jokingly discussed that she be single until I come and join them in Janurary. I don't expect anything to happen at all, but I guess each time we discuss her 'single status' it makes it much easier to adjust to the mentality for the next time.

MLO - Slightly off topic. Does your wife have any Ao Dai? Especially the slightly more fancy ones I find exceptionally attractive and sexy.

[MonaLisaOverdrive]

MLO - Slightly off topic. Does your wife have any Ao Dai? Especially the slightly more fancy ones I find exceptionally attractive and sexy.

She has at least a dozen of them, I agree that they are very attractive

[MonaLisaOverdrive]

Well, things seem to have moved on slightly after a period of not much activity or talk about the topic at all.

Last night we were in bed talking about sexuality and my wifes desire to explore more, we discussed an idea that was mentioned in this thread. I pulled up literotica and bookmarked it in her iPad, she will probably send me a story a week that she finds sexy and exciting. Then out of the blue she tells me that she wants to be more slutty and after some encouragement by me that by the end of the year that she wants to be comfortable being a slut.

Those couple of sentences made me rock hard, which I'm taking as my sign that I'm now comfortable enough to let her explore without worrying about our relationship too much. After this we kissed and she began to masturbate, I eventually took over and rubbed her clit until she came. She even let me finger her, which is a big step forward as she is usually terrified of being fingered.

Afterwards we had some pillow talk and she asked if she should let another guy use hands on her pussy, I of course said she could do whatever she felt comfortable with. She mentioned that she hadn't met anyone that made her feel safe enough to let her do it, but I said that she hadn't really looked and if she looked then I'm sure she would find one.

So today I've been thinking of all the times she brings up 'having a boyfriend', which is something she will mention jokingly about once every couple of weeks or so. Now I'm thinking these might not have been random jokes, but her playing with the idea and testing my reactions. My reactions have usually been playing along jokingly or saying that I'm not jealous of the situation.

She is going for a night out with her friend (the one in the open relationship) this weekend and will be spending the night, her friends husband is away on business. So I will be encouraging her to enjoy herself and to see what happens.

Anyway, I'd appreciate some thought's on these new developments.

[Mr1SexyGILF]

WOW, I’d say that is huge progress in a lot of different areas. Better buckle in. It sounds like you are in for quite a wild ride.

You may want to ask a moderator to move your thread to one of the main forums where it will receive more views and comments.

Mr GILF

[philxxo]

Women can easily get vibrator dependent for orgasm. They get ruined that way. Men's penis don't vibrate. Eventually they will only be able to orgasm with a vibrator and not a penis. That's why she is having that issue. Back off the vibrator except occasionally.

It sounds for sure she wants this. As has been said previously by Pufferfish, she isn't likely just going to come out and say it. She is constantly testing, is this OK with you? Is this what you really truly want? Is she going to do this and then you change your mind and punish her? Is this going to change the marriage that she is otherwise happy with? These are all the things she is thinking. She has been testing you constantly. She sounds like she is ready to be a slut. If you communicate openly and encourage her to be free, I think she will make you both happy with it. You need to soul search and make sure this is what you actually want. There may not be any going back on this. Once she tastes sexual freedom she may never go back. I would advise you to go slow and set clear boundaries on what is OK and not OK with you. Once she starts she may decide she is going to do whatever she wants regardless of your wishes. Be prepared to make changes. Good luck with whatever makes you happy.

[MonaLisaOverdrive]

WOW, I’d say that is huge progress in a lot of different areas. Better buckle in. It sounds like you are in for quite a wild ride.

You may want to ask a moderator to move your thread to one of the main forums where it will receive more views and comments.

Mr GILF

I have now asked for my thread to be moved. Do you have any advice on taking things to the next level, or do I just continue to lead?

I'm considering asking her to tell me about how she imagines she would be a slut the next time I'm bringing her to orgasm with my hands.

[Mr1SexyGILF]

WOW, I’d say that is huge progress in a lot of different areas. Better buckle in. It sounds like you are in for quite a wild ride.

You may want to ask a moderator to move your thread to one of the main forums where it will receive more views and comments.

Mr GILF

I have now asked for my thread to be moved. Do you have any advice on taking things to the next level, or do I just continue to lead?

I'm considering asking her to tell me about how she imagines she would be a slut the next time I'm bringing her to orgasm with my hands.

That’s what this lifestyle is all about. Communication, Communication, and more Communication. Both inside and away from the bedroom.

Mr GILF

[mastiff]

Ask her how she thinks or would want an encounter with another man to go