Question about dating and what date you share your kinks

[Threeisacharm]

I have another date coming up this week and appreciate the feedback. I heard from a mutual friend that she dates others and doesn't want a commitment. I tried to set up a date for Sunday but she said she had family plans and she suggested Thursday. I have been thinking about what is the least words to ask if she is open to seeing me as a primary but letting her to continue dating.

Suggestions? All I can think of is to ask her about her dating experiences since she has been single, and follow up with what she wants.

[Threeisacharm]

So we went out again starting with dinner and I asked many non sexual questions and she asked many in return. At some point I asked her how dating has been going where she gave me a 5 minute outline that guys her age just want sex and not the romance and that she wants both equally . She asked me back and I said that I wanted similar to her but that I didn't want jealousy, control and mistrust in my relationship and that communication with full disclosure was also high in my wants. I am not sure if she felt guilty or was taking the offer to be honest and told me that she has been seeing a guy out of town once a month which she admitted was hard to hold back her life for one weekend a month. She seemed to get a bit choked up so I said it was okay qnd asked if it was okay that I pursued her and gave her time and space to deal with that, while still seeing her.

She didn't really respond and the silence meant she was thinking about him and so I changed the subject and I asked her if she would take a winter vacation this year and that she should let me take her away. She got out of wherever her mind was and said she would like that. We returned to finding many common interests and getting to know each other. We returned to my house and opened wine and made our way to my bedroom where I gave her a massage, followed by an hour of oral with her telling me when she came, to take a break and then telling she was ready to be licked again. We then made love and I wanted to bring up her lover but kept that in my head.

I drove her home at 3 a.m. as she had work in the morning.. I am happy with letting her know that I am not jealous or controlling and that after she admitted a long distance boyfriend that we still had sex. I have a goal of two more dates before I bring this up. She didn't tell me this but the last few days ( date was Thursday), she has been not texting back right away and I think she went to visit him. I have no proof and my only clue was she told me we could go out again later this coming week.

What is another short question I can ask her next time to find out if she is still seeing him without coming off jealous?

[Lucky Dog]

If you don't say anything, it's possible she may think you're so nice and she needs to break it off with him. I know you're not trying to make her do that, so you need to say something when you see her again to give her a reason not to feel she needs to stop seeing him. You don't necessarily need to ask her anything, but you could tell her that you're very happy she was honest with you and you feel good that she's able to get what she needs from him. She may just not say much, or she may ask you how you can feel that way.

If she does ask you, the ball's in your court. You could tell her something along the lines of you like that she is so sexy that she makes sure her needs are satisfied. Either she'll need to think that through, or the conversation could develop spontaneously.

[Threeisacharm]

Not a great update. Over the holidays, we had planned to have our next date and things were going well over text and then all the sudden I was ghosted and can't tell you why she backed off and moving on now. I really liked her but think she had feelings for the other guy but I will likely never know.

[Threeisacharm]

Okay finally an update. Ghosting girl got back to me and wants occasional get together and I assured her I was okay with being her friend and we could get together on an occasional basis but I recently met another woman and the sex was amazing. We dated without sex and kissed date two and she went home. We hadn't talked about sex till date three but I did hear things that gave me clues such as favorite celebrity who was her boyfriend. But in date three on a walk, we opened up alot about what we both liked and we started with nude beaches and she asked me directly about if I had swinging experiences and I gave her a 3 minute highlight but I did say I had two wives that did us and another guy and it was always fun. She specifically asked me about bisexuality and told me she was bi. One of the questions I followed up with was "have you ever had two guys " Her reply was "what girl hasn't thought about that".. We talked a lot about non sex as well and about wanting someone to connect with and growing old with. She is still on the app, but I may have to take down my profile down.

We returned to my place and had amazing sex. She is vocal, likes to talk in bed which is a major need for me. It helps me get in the zone and listening to sex is a huge turn on. But there were other factors in the date such as her intelligence, humor and kindness that have me thinking I ask her to continue dating and that step one is I stop dating other women. I honestly think after all she is open and prior to sex she admitted to having a lover and her was two weeks ago which to give all women credit, they may be pulling that number or time back to protect you.

So I have a challenge to give me your best advice for the text reply. I am going to ask on the phone but if there was a good text that is not graffic.
Example: Hey our day was so amazing and I woke up thinking about we both share the same fantasies and wondered if you know of a good 3rd. My place is quiet and private and it could be midweek or weekend. Just wanted you to know you have that option. I am at calling her to discuss because if she doesn't have any one in mind then I am going to ask her if she would like to find one together and just enjoy each other and some fun along the way and that this is a deal breaker for me or being single is a better option until I get someone that gets me.

What would your text be. It can be funny, love to hear a discreet text that'll get her juices flowing or alternatives that get that out there that she is valued beyond sex but we both view sex as an expression and our communication.