Question about dating and what date you share your kinks

[Threeisacharm]

An observation on here and life in general. Two people meet and the immediate response is to hide or lie about your preferences. Many write about being married years in when they admit to their wife that they want another male present. Some of the women introduce this to their husband because they have cheated and didn't feel able to communicate desire in fear of thir partner (hurting them or their anger.

What date should you lay your cards out?

[leggysman]

Shortly after you begin talking about or having sex. You don't have to explain every detail of the kink straight away, but be upfront right from the beginning. I've never had a dating partner react badly to hearing that, if she were with me, she could play with whomever she wanted. They were all at least a little bit intrigued. All 3 of my long-term partners initially thought it was interesting, but said that they would never do it. All 3 did it. My now-wife is doing it most enthusiastically. It took her nearly 10 years to come around, but she sure did.

[Threeisacharm]

Leggysman, what did you say each time?

[leggysman]

Mostly, I don't remember those earliest conversations, because I was never calculating about it. I never planned to broach the subject in a particular way. I just listened and paid attention, and when a conversation was going in that kind of direction, I would drop a hint. If she was curious, I would explain myself a bit more. Little by little like that.

I think one of my earliest hints to l my wife S started like this, online, before we ever met in person:

We were talking about relationships, and she said something about not liking jealous, possessive guys. I replied that I was probably the precise *opposite* of that. What on earth does that mean, she asked? I explained ... A little bit. And onward from there, a little bit at a time, whenever appropriate moments presented.

Check my first post in our story thread. It was a journey that took years. Practicr patience, persistence, consistency, and tact. Know when to back off.

[SilverStag]

I started swinging with a GF after my divorce. We were both curious about it and it seemed to fit us well. We enjoyed playing with others for about 4 years, when our relationship ended (not because of the swinging).

I realized how much I enjoyed the swing lifestyle (people are friendly and great to be around, you can discuss most anything freely without judgement, plus, of course, the sex and variety). So, I started dating back in the vanilla world again, but each time I thought I had found a woman who I could have join me in the swing life, they panicked and bolted.

So, change of strategy...rather than waste time and money dating a woman only to have her run away, I decided to bring it up on the first date. If she ran, so be it.

I was very lucky in meeting Cecil (my now HW) in that she had had just enough to drink when I mentioned my "hobby" that she was intrigued rather than repulsed. She asked appropriate questions and said it sounded like fun. Although I introduced her to the lifestyle slowly and with, as she puts it "Baby Steps" she ended up embracing the swinging life. We played with others while we were dating, continued after we married and now also enjoys being a HW.

[annsman]

All couples are different and it depends if your sharing her is a deal breaker.

We read my magazines together very soon after we started dating and realised we were both turned on by the wife sharing letters. It was a short step to admitting we both wanted to do it.

Although we agreed, and a lot of fantasising, it was still a few years later and about a year after we married that we did it.

[Des 31]

I had encouraged my wife to date another man for at least a year. Her initial reaction was there was no way she would do that, but the thought stayed in her mind. Eventually, a coworker showed interest in her and she fell into a three-month-long affair before I coincidentally learned of it. I was traveling a lot then, and they were fucking almost every night I was away. When I confronted her, without anger, she confessed and agreed to continue dating others if I still felt the same way. That was some seven years ago, and she is now sexually active with other men. Our sex life - between the two of us - improved immediately. Each of us now agrees we would not want to go back to the time when it was just the two of us.

[SSQ]

I'm married, but I see single people on dating apps who put it right there on their dating profile. Gets it out into the open and more likely you'll meet someone who likes similar things.

[Threeisacharm]

So I should update this thread. I went on a first date in October and we ended up in bed and had fun. She was vocal and fun. Afterwards she asked me what were my sexual fantasies were and I told her that I wanted to add another male with someone I was with but that it was about us. I asked her the same question and she responded about on a beach with rose pedals laid out. We texted the next day but it fizzled.

Last week out of the blue, a woman I saw 3 years ago contacted me. We had amazing chemistry but I was going through a divorce and it didn't work out. During a few of our sexual experiences we did talk about my fantasy and she during sex said that she would like to try that as well. So in our conversation about going out again, she brings this up and says she is looking for that type of relationship.

Over text, I asked her about the last 3 years and she said she had dated a bit. I asked what were the highlights and she admitted that she "dated" a guy that was in town once a year and he was hung. Good sign that she was open to tell me that.

So I guess bringing it up early is an early seed plant. I will update after our reconnection date this week. I intend to follow-up on this guy and suggest when he comes back that he be invited over.

[gnt4fun]

It came up in our first date. I was recently divorced and had on-line dated dozens of women with whom I had never brought this up. For whatever reason we started discussing threesomes, during which I admitted I preferred mfm to any other combination. To which she responded, "Not very vanilla".

But my experience was from before my many decade first marriage and completely organic. I was so disconnected to the "organized" world of non-monogamous sex that this went over my head. It turns out she was much more experienced than was I. And from there, for more reasons that just the sexual compatibility, we ended up in a long term relationship and ultimately the best marriage I can imagine. And yes, the swinging and hot wifing continued...

[Threeisacharm]

A quick update. I have been busy in life and dating. Will share some of the backlog of my single life in which I have had married women approach me as well as a guy on vacation (I went solo) who told me to take his girlfriend back to my room and show her a good time. I have had this circle of going from single to relationship and jump from bull to stag/vixen and with my last marriage cuckold.

My dating period online, I have had 3 dates that they were for sure in a relationship. My only clues were that we talked on the app, moved to text and then they agreed to come to my place and after drinks it moved to sex right away. The sex was great and in these cases the women had multiple orgasms and at some point became super focused on me giving them a creampie. After these suspect get together as I came, they said they had to go, put their panties back home and off they went. I also was ghosted afterwards by 2 of them and the 3rd, she was putting off another visit after 2 plans and then change of plans. Having enough information, I found those 3 on socials and it was clear they had men in their life. I asked the one who kept making plans and changing them if she was single and she answered "it's complicated".

So onto right now, I started seeing someone and really like her and we have gotten together a few times a week and our dates have been amazing as we share common interests and I love spending time with her outside the bedroom as well. Sex which happened on the 3rd Date was mind blowing as has been subsequent dates.

She made a joke in the begging about me watching porn so I asked right away what she watched and it was an icebreaker to a small bit of information as she said she liked lesbian porn. She then asked me what I watched and told her I liked two men and a woman porn. She immediately followed up with "oh yeah, I also watch several men with a woman porn.

She asked me if I wanted a 3 some and I told her that I would. She asked what I liked about that and I said that 2 men and a woman were about pleasing her. She asked if I had someone in mind, to which I said no because i don't have male friends that are single. I asked her if she knew someone and she said "let's talk about that later" and went back to amazing sex and we didn't talk that way again.

She has been mentioning other men she hangs out with and that she works out a male dominated gym. We were out and she mentioned that she goes swimming with her friends son who is 30 and a working actor. Just as she unpagacked that we were interrupted and the conversation changed so I thought it would be ask to go back to and trying to figure that conversation.

She has just left for vacation today and while we chatted she sent pics of her in a skipy bikini as well as her high heels and short dresses. I kept telling her she would be getting the men hard. She made a funny comment about hoping she didn't get bugged. I struggled with pushing that concept so dropped the conversation.

On the weekend, we were in bed for 3 hours having fun and talked nude beaches. She has never been but wants to try it. She told me a couple last year asked her to be in a threesome but that they were not attractive or fit. I asked about if she would do that with me and she said she had never had a threesome but would like to consider and asked me questions on how that could happen and we discussed websites, apps and going to a swinger club all of which were her suggestions. I told her I would love to see her cum a large cock and that I wanted to try DVP. She climbed on top of me and had a huge orgasm and it turned to love making.

Also, we have not had the exclusive conversation so not sure how to talk about her having fun on her vacation. If she meets a vacation buddy and has sex I would not be butt hurt so maybe someone has a suggestion on what to text her. Should I for example ask her if she packed sunscreen and condoms? I know that when she gets back we are going away for a weekend and want to lay my cards on the table now that I want to share her.

[Threeisacharm]

Oh and one other conversation came up about her last relationship he had a large cock but was an asshole, so I felt like that is an opening for her missing a larger cock.

[Pufferfish]

Sounds like things have been going ok, but going really good now with the new GF.

I don't really think through text is the BEST idea, even for something light and maybe a little comical. She would probably question whether you were just joking or sincere. I would maybe suggest texting her to give you an actual call when she gets some downtime to tell you a little bit about her trip thusfar. Maybe talk about how she has to be turning heads left and right and some flirty sexy comments. Then just say (not sure how you 2 have defined your relationship thusfar) something like how you aren't a jealous person and remind her that you find the idea of sharing her with other men to be extremely hot and sexy, and that if she does have some sexy naughty fun on her trip that you hope she trusts that you won't be upset and would love to hear all about it. And leave the rest on her terms until you can lay all your cards on the table when she gets back? That would be my suggestion anyway.

As for the original topic, I think this lifestyle has become such an important part of my life now, I would want to explain very early on (between dates 1 and 3) the lifestyle that I would eventually want to live in order to live a happy life. But that it would take me some time to develop the relationship and build on the love and trust, until I felt comfortable enough in our relationship that I would want to share her with others.

[Threeisacharm]

Great advice and we have both spoken about not being jealous people.

[SSQ]

An observation on here and life in general. Two people meet and the immediate response is to hide or lie about your preferences.

I just can't understand this. How can you get what you want by lying or hiding your preferences?

If your sexual preferences are very important to you, then right from the start. I have them on my dating profile. If I was looking for a serious relationship, I'd be looking in poly and kink communities and if I used vanilla dating apps it would be front and centre on my profile. Why waste everyone's time? I don't understand this philosophy. Shine your weird light so similar weirdos can find you lol.

[Threeisacharm]

It is most likely easier for women to be upfront on vanilla dating apps SSQ. I wish more women were open like you!

[Parsifal]

Full disclosure to someone else presupposes full disclosure to oneself. How many of our preferences are, after all, acquired tastes?

[Des 31]

An observation on here and life in general. Two people meet and the immediate response is to hide or lie about your preferences. Many write about being married years in when they admit to their wife that they want another male present. Some of the women introduce this to their husband because they have cheated and didn't feel able to communicate desire in fear of thir partner (hurting them or their anger.

What date should you lay your cards out?

If a husband learns his wife is cheating, the timing is at the moment the two can begin an uninterrupted conversation with utter honesty. However the husband brings this way of life up as an alternative, I think it's essential not to confront her with anger. Understanding is of utmost importance.

Read our experience, found on the second entry on page one of our history (link below). That worked for the two of us. I had encouraged her to date other men for about a year before she began a secret affair with a coworker. Her reason she didn't tell me when it ultimately came about was that she didn't believe I could handle her having extramarital sex as well as I then thought. And, in fact, many men cannot. The reality is far different from a husband's initial fantasy.

~ Des

[Threeisacharm]

We continue to talk an explore. I do think that Christine my new girlfriend (we actually have not labeled us) is seeing other men but I have not asked nor has she shared with the exception of her mentioning names.

When we spoke about threesomes with other men, she asked me if I had someone in mind and I said I didn't and asked her if she had someone in mind and she said that we could talk about it later. I did mention adult sites and going away. She said as long as they used condoms or were tested. She also mentioned that her last boyfriend had a big cock and that they kept breaking up over relationship issues and then hooking up for sex. She didn't mention the last time she saw him and wondering if he is still in the picture.

We have had 3 dates since and all had no talk of 3 somes but great sex. I am comfortable that we can continue to talk and we have plans to go away and will suggest a swing club that allows males.

I will be spending time with her and we have very open conversations and going to have pillow talk before sex.

Outside of sex, I really like spending time with her and have feelings for her. Hoping she feels the same way.

[Tank Turner]

My wife and I never lie to each other. Lying destroys trust.

A man with experience can tell whether a woman he fucks for the first time has kink.

My wife and I always talk during sex. When we were dating, she'd tell me what she linked and to perform a particular sex act or fuck her in a particular position. I never asked her how or why she knew what sex acts and positions she liked. It was obvious when I fucked her the first time that she was sexually experienced.

Young studs are often embarrassed and intimidated to talk about sex or ask my wife to perform a sex act on them which is almost always a blowjob. My wife usually becomes playful with young studs. She can get them to open up and express their sexual desires. She'll often ask young and sexually inexperienced studs what positions they want to fuck her in and if they want her to suck their dicks. After she gets them to open up they get it that it's OK to tell her what they want her to do.

[Threeisacharm]

I have so many updates. Dating appve brought many encounters and experiences in solo dating as well as bull experiences and when I get some free time I will post some detailed updates.

For now top two were:

1 ) Played bull to a couple where she met me for drinks and came back to my place to play. On my suggestion she called him during the session and let him listen for a while. I was able to help with the verbals I know I would appreciate hearing. After 15 minutes she told him she was hanging up so we could concentrate and that I would cum in her and then she would be on her way home.

2) A fwb I had a few years back and I re-connected. We spoke about a 3 some a few times and I had shared my past with her. I had asked her to come over to play but she told me she just started seeing a new guy and she didn't want to mess it up. I checked her Facebook and there was a picture of the new guy who was fit an attractive. Rather than give up, I asked if she would let me clean her and she stopped by my place on her way home from her date.

[Threeisacharm]

Just an update and question.

I recently started dating a very attractive woman. We didn't have sex right away and I got to know her. About the 5th date, we were talking travel and she said she would like to go to fantasyfest and wouldn't mind showing off her boobs in that environment. I admitted that I had gone to nude beaches but we didn't morph into sex talk. 20 minutes later and I go to the toilet and when I come back she is talking with a younger handsome guy and I come back to the table and smile at him and talk briefly and sit back down. I didn't want him to leave, but she says "nice seeing you" and turns back to hold my hands. We go back to my place and we have amazing sex. It was the best I have ever had and I have had our chemistry is perfect.

I just have this feeling that she will be up for becoming a hot girlfriend and yet I just want to enjoy her and not having that is also great because I love exploring her . Wondering if I should hold out and not bring it up and let her divulge those desires if she has them and express that. We have had great two way communication that is relaxed and fun. Has anyone else had the feeling your hotwife wanted this and sat back and let her talk about her fantasy rather than it being your fantasy she has to come around to?

[leggysman]

I would suggest being open and honest now about your history and openness to (enthusiasm for?) her being non-monogamous, but I think you can certainly hedge/tease it by saying 'later' - after we've had time to develop our relationship. If she likes the sound of this, her anticipation of it might even make sharing her even more exciting and explosive when the time comes.

[zorro]

My experience when I was single took the form of telling a woman I was getting sexual with that I see other women. I felt that was the honest and ethical thing to do. Somewhat to my surprise, none of them were surprised or expressed any reservations, except for one with whom I had been sexual for a while. With her, the discussion came up perhaps 4 dates in, so it was a delayed opening up. When she learned it, she was very hurt, angry, and ended the relationship.

With one of them, after sharing more of our histories (she had been married for 27 years and widowed and only had had sex with 2 men in her life), some time after I told her about MFMs I had been in, one night in bed she asked, "You know those MFMs? Can we do one of those?" I told her most definitely. We spent the next year swinging and had quite a few threesomes. She was ecstatic about being with someone comfortable with her having as much sex as she wanted.

So, my experience has been that the earlier you share and the more matter-of-fact and relaxed you are about it, the better. It also felt very clean to not hide things without necessarily revealing everything.

At one time, for a year, I had 3 girlfriends at the same time (well, Friday girl, Saturday girl, and Sunday girl). They all knew I was seeing others, had no interest in knowing more about them. After about a year, though, two of them wanted to close the deal with me and moved on when they realized I was not going to. So, it was okay ... for a while. I ended the relationship with the third woman when the wonderful sensual woman I have been with now for 14 years reentered my life after a hiatus of 35 years. The third woman was sad but very adult. Mature women know that relationships can be a complex matter of finding commonalities and differences. It is unfair to a woman to string her along thinking she is the only one when in fact she is not.

My own belief from all this is that women can be more matter-of-fact and pragmatic about the multiple-partner capacities of men. But they don't want to be fooled or betrayed. Better to be upfront than to pussyfoot around until feelings are hurt (not that they can't be under the best of circumstances). I respect women too much to do otherwise.

[Farmgirl]

My experience when I was single took the form of telling a woman I was getting sexual with that I see other women. I felt that was the honest and ethical thing to do. Somewhat to my surprise, none of them were surprised or expressed any reservations, except for one with whom I had been sexual for a while. With her, the discussion came up perhaps 4 dates in, so it was a delayed opening up. When she learned it, she was very hurt, angry, and ended the relationship.

With one of them, after sharing more of our histories (she had been married for 27 years and widowed and only had had sex with 2 men in her life), some time after I told her about MFMs I had been in, one night in bed she asked, "You know those MFMs? Can we do one of those?" I told her most definitely. We spent the next year swinging and had quite a few threesomes. She was ecstatic about being with someone comfortable with her having as much sex as she wanted.

So, my experience has been that the earlier you share and the more matter-of-fact and relaxed you are about it, the better. It also felt very clean to not hide things without necessarily revealing everything.

At one time, for a year, I had 3 girlfriends at the same time (well, Friday girl, Saturday girl, and Sunday girl). They all knew I was seeing others, had no interest in knowing more about them. After about a year, though, two of them wanted to close the deal with me and moved on when they realized I was not going to. So, it was okay ... for a while. I ended the relationship with the third woman when the wonderful sensual woman I have been with now for 14 years reentered my life after a hiatus of 35 years. The third woman was sad but very adult. Mature women know that relationships can be a complex matter of finding commonalities and differences. It is unfair to a woman to string her along thinking she is the only one when in fact she is not.

My own belief from all this is that women can be more matter-of-fact and pragmatic about the multiple-partner capacities of men. But they don't want to be fooled or betrayed. Better to be upfront than to pussyfoot around until feelings are hurt (not that they can't be under the best of circumstances). I respect women too much to do otherwise.