What Is Your Relationship Preference with the Third

[curioushubby1965]

Hello,
My wife and I are still in the fantasy stage but have been having quite a few deeper discussions. In our most recent talk, the subject of relationships with the third came up. I don't like the term Bull or Alpha so will just use the third. And besides the third might not always be another man.

My wife told me she doesn't think she could do one night stands, that it would make her feel bad about herself. But on the flip side is also worried about being too emotionally involved with another where she would be conflicted or the other person would be hurt. So it seems having an emotional connection with someone but managing it so it doesn't cross the line would be the preference. This would actually be my preference as well, but it's possible I have adapted to her preference without realizing it.
There is just that certain excitement and thrill that comes with a new connection/relationship (NRE) that I would take pleasure in her experiencing. Just to see that excitement in her would make me happy. I get alot of pleasure from her pleasure.
In the end, I really just want her to be safe, comfortable and enjoy herself, while also minimizing the risk of disease, since she doesn't want to deal with condoms.
(All theoretical for us at this point, and possibly always, but good to work through if things progress)

It seems there are a multitude of dynamics that people enjoy for various reasons; from only one nighters to a few times and done, to FWB all the way to Lovers with a BF/GF dynamic.
I was wondering what other couples' preferences are, and more importantly, Why?
Thanks

[BT2]

You will find after a year or so on this site that there are many different preferences, and many different reasons for those preferences. My wife used to have a number of one time stands, and in years has only been fucked once or twice by a guy with a condom, at their insistence. Presently we sound very much how you and your wife would like to be - safe, comfortable, and not wanting to deal with condoms. We found the way around it in that she went on an adult site and specified a married man or man in a long term relationship who played with his wife's or girlfriends permission, and who wanted an ongoing (sexual) relationship. We live is a fairly large metro area, so it was easier for us than it would be for a person in a smaller centre. It took longer to find suitable playmates, but she has been with two different men, both of whom met the criteria, for a number of years. It is reasonably safe, comfortable, and no condoms. Not fool proof but to us safer than one night stands.

[ktcouple]

When we started, we were insecure and had a one night stand only rule. But we quickly found that vetting potential thirds is a time consuming job. If there is a good match, it makes sense to meet again and it’s safer too. So we opened up to recurring meetings. Then after some experience my wife expressed that she would like to have some more connection with the thirds, which would make her feel more desired and the sex better. So we eventually also came to the point where we think that an FWB would be the best fit for us. But it’s also a challenge (just a different one) to find someone with whom there is click not only in sexual chemistry but on a friendly level too.

[fireman]

When we started 15 years ago, we really had no clue what we were doing. We spent a considerable amount of time vetting potential guys and met with several. Not all made the cut. Some were not accurate representatives of what they portrayed. A few were though and the wife had fun with them. Then she met one guy who made it clear up front that he was looking for a long term thing. He wasn’t pushy, super respectful and she was totally into him. They had instant chemistry and my wife was very comfortable with him. That started a 15 year and still going relationship. Him and I are about as good of friends now as you can get. She can spend a weekend with him and I don’t worry about her safety. I can watch, participate or they do their own thing when they want. We kind of hit the jackpot I think. As far as her having other guys on the side, we both really lost interest the online searching and vetting. We kind of just let things happen now. Definitely decreases the odds, but my wife has 0 problems attracting guys. Just takes the right one at the right time for her to give me the look, and it’s on.

[Farmgirl]

FWB and boyfriend because I want a connection to have sex. The better the connection, the better the sex!

[options311]

I want my girlfriend to develop a real connection and relationship with her lovers. A truly meaningful relationship that grows over time, develops a bound and special love that will enhance the sex they will have with each other. It should not be just sex.

[stag80]

Same thing in our case. She just doesn't want only to fuck. As we men want/can. She wants to play, she wants to text, she wants to go out, she wants to spend time with that guy before fucking him. It was a bit difficult to accept all that, but as Farmgirl said, without a connection, they don't feel good. Or some of them. Ours ) because I also met married women who just wanted to break the routine, to blow some guy, to fuck around a bit, then returning to the routine.

[leo-cpl]

Hello,
My wife and I are still in the fantasy stage but have been having quite a few deeper discussions. In our most recent talk, the subject of relationships with the third came up. I don't like the term Bull or Alpha so will just use the third. And besides the third might not always be another man.

My wife told me she doesn't think she could do one night stands, that it would make her feel bad about herself. But on the flip side is also worried about being too emotionally involved with another where she would be conflicted or the other person would be hurt. So it seems having an emotional connection with someone but managing it so it doesn't cross the line would be the preference. This would actually be my preference as well, but it's possible I have adapted to her preference without realizing it.
There is just that certain excitement and thrill that comes with a new connection/relationship (NRE) that I would take pleasure in her experiencing. Just to see that excitement in her would make me happy. I get alot of pleasure from her pleasure.
In the end, I really just want her to be safe, comfortable and enjoy herself, while also minimizing the risk of disease, since she doesn't want to deal with condoms.
(All theoretical for us at this point, and possibly always, but good to work through if things progress)

It seems there are a multitude of dynamics that people enjoy for various reasons; from only one nighters to a few times and done, to FWB all the way to Lovers with a BF/GF dynamic.
I was wondering what other couples' preferences are, and more importantly, Why?
Thanks

Its a very good topic and something that needs to be discussed between couples, however rather than discussing too much for now I would advice to focus on what she doesnt want and have an open mind for the rest (mine doesnt like those either).
The way we work I do the initial chatting and establish the guy/cpls are like minded and have common interests, I do some vetting before i introduce the guy to her and they chat n explore. Its very imp to have a comfort level for my wife to even agree to meet a guy casually. If after chatting (which could go on for a cpl of week or even months) she wants to explore meeting casually, we do else we pass on the guy.
NRE is something that very real and I have see my wife really like one guy but shes been smart enough to not let things go beyond a point. Most important thing is to respect boundaries and communicate to make it enjoyable for everyone. For us we prefer someone we are comfortable hanging out with and something thats long term. Good Luck

[warmnsalty]

Pre-Covid our hookups were mainly one offs with a few guys who'd be regulars for some months then fall away. As to their status, that's never been an issue with us single, dating, married makes no difference as long as their nice guys, in shape an decent cocks we're game. That being said, our mutual preference is guys who have a wife or gf. Back in the days of Craigslist finding these guys was easy, post an add, vet the replies and fuck the ones you like. She's recently started playing again. This time around she's at the point where she wants more ongoing, fwb guys. She's currently got 4 or 5 guys on the roster. 3 are attached, 2 cheating 1 who's wife plays as well. Scheduling these guys is random. Her current favorits as 2 are single bbc's. She met one first, then he introduced her to his buddy. We both like these guys, great personalities and great cocks. She's developed a real craving for them. She's been fucking at least one of them once a week for the past month. They're keeping her satisfied and when one of the married guys needs her pussy she'll let them have some when she can.

[Wesley Hudson Valley]

Hello Curious Husband:

As mentioned there are numerous variations for this lifestyle and to narrow the choices down there two very important elements that have to be met

First is open and honest communication and support between the husband and wife and proactively discuss all the issues and concerns upfront with one another. You and your wife seem to be clearly on that path.

An outcome of these conversations is to find out what works for both the husband and the wife.

My wife had many relationship preferences for a third and it has worked out extremely well for use.

My wife also did not want to deal with condoms and it is immensely important for the other man to cum inside her pussy as part of building the connection and bond

My wife has two very longterm boyfriends were she dated them both in and out of the bedroom, views them as highly dependable friends and sex mates. I also have become friends with boyfriends which makes my wife happy

Curious husband take your time to discover what will work for you and your wife

Just want to restate how important an erotic it would be for another man to be able to cum inside your wife, your wife will love you for it

[Iwatchherplay]

Hello,
I don't like the term Bull or Alpha so will just use the third. And besides the third might not always be another man.

But on the flip side is also worried about being too emotionally involved with another where she would be conflicted or the other person would be hurt. So it seems having an emotional connection with someone but managing it so it doesn't cross the line would be the preference. This would actually be my preference as well, but it's possible I have adapted to her preference without realizing it.
There is just that certain excitement and thrill that comes with a new connection/relationship (NRE) that I would take pleasure in her experiencing. Just to see that excitement in her would make me happy. I get alot of pleasure from her pleasure.
In the end, I really just want her to be safe, comfortable and enjoy herself, while also minimizing the risk of disease, since she doesn't want to deal with condoms.

It seems there are a multitude of dynamics that people enjoy for various reasons; from only one nighters to a few times and done, to FWB all the way to Lovers with a BF/GF dynamic.
I was wondering what other couples' preferences are, and more importantly, Why?

I also prefer "the third". My wife has not expressed an interest in having sex with another woman. I have fantasies about doing that in one of our blindfold playtimes.

My wife fell in love with the first man I talked her into having sex with. Her first time couldn't have been more perfect. It was no problem having sex with him again. To her it was like having two husbands.

I also encouraged her to experience new people after her "first love" wanted to posses her for himself but that's a whole different story. She is excited meeting new men and personalities and experiencing the different ways other men have sex with her. I have learned new tricks from the men she had sex with. I am always present with someone new for her safety and it is also exciting for me.

She can't get pregnant so no condoms. The people she plays with is someone we have gotten to know in a no sex relationship first.

[MarknSusan]

All of our relationships are FWB. We need to know and trust who we bring into our personal lives. We also need chemistry, which is not so easy to find.

[2inUPMichigan]

I am similar to your wife about needing a connection (no ONS for me).
FWB'S are where it is at for me.

I set boundaries with men before I even meet them. I let them know that my husband and marriage are my priority and scheduling play dates will work around other obligations and I will not agree to last minute requests.

To keep things fresh and exciting and to keep boundaries in place we agreed to no more than once a month with the same man and no more than one play date a week.(at my suggestion). My thoughts were that the more frequently a man plays with a hotwife the more likely he is to develop feelings for her. The time in between helps build excitement and anticipation and keeps the sex fresh and exciting.

The better someone knows you the better the sex gets and the more comfortable you are in letting go.

[SilverStag]

My HW, Cecil, prefers to have a FWB/Dating arrangement with her playmates. As she says, "I can get laid anytime. I want someone who wants to spend time with me and learn about me and vice versa." So, she looks for a longer-term playmate even if they only meet a few times a year, they will keep in touch via text (3-way text, I'm always included just to stay in the loop).

[Nectcouple]

This is an interesting question and I love the answers so far. It's been a long time since I've visited OHW because my situation seems to be different from most here, but I'd still like to give my input.

My wife is not like most HWs here in that she doesn't have multiple partners and we haven't had to go searching for any. My wife is in a long term relationship with a guy who has been my best friend for a long time. He and I had been best buddies for years before they started anything sexual and their relationship started as friends first and even now, is much more than sexual. She considers him her boyfriend.

I have been told, here and elsewhere, that once feelings of love and caring between HW and lover get added to the equation, it can become dangerous to the marriage and that is probably true but it has worked out perfectly for us so far.

He is still my best friend and he is her b/f. She is my wife and she is his g/f. As far as the bedroom is concerned, they sometimes meet each other alone and at other times we both enjoy her attention. That depends on our mood and/or whether I am home at the time (God knows I work some strange hours!)

My wife says she's not interested in one night stands and is not interested in another b/f. For her, feelings and even love for my buddy is a must. Maybe she isn't what most would consider a HW, even though pinning down a definition of a HW seems to be like throwing darts blindfolded, it has worked for us.

[stevens4fun]

We are pretty much like Nectcouple above. My wife Linda was very interested in having a boyfriend, especially since I am 11 years older than her. We had both been married before and knew we wanted more than one-partner sex in our marriage. But, she said, "I need an emotional connection with a guy in order to really have good sex with him. I can love two men," she said, but can you live with it? My erection was visible and we both noted it. Long and short of it: we both already knew who "Mr. Right" was going to be, and our sex life was greatly enhanced when the relationship started and went on for over 5 years. It was so nice to be able to have him join us in our home, and travel with us or meet her as she traveled for work. And soon she wanted to spend little vacations with him - it's just hot beyond belief. But it's often not easy to find Mr. Right.

Enjoying these relationships takes quite a bit of dedication and work though - there's never enough time for all the stuff everyone wants to do. And as a hubby, I found myself almost competing for her time. She was aware of this and we all had to work together to make it happen. Again, the benefits are worth it. There'll be periods of turbulence, but most have to do with scheduling and time and not with the relationship itself unless you as a husband start feeling slighted or cheated of your wife's time and affection. As others wiser than I have noted: talk it out frequently.

[Mr Stag]

The amazing thing is that the husband can develop a close friendship with her male lover. I have experienced this ideal situation four times. Since I was already good friends with two of the men, I will ignore them and concentrate on the other two men. The first was an ex-coworker of my wife. She had worked with him before we had met, and he had been quite flirtatious with her, in spite of his being married—unhappily, it turned out.

She contacted him and made the arrangements and he showed up one bright Saturday morning ready to fuck her. He was in his late 30s, fit, handsome, but short, and extremely likeable. He could have taught a class on how to cheat on your spouse. Once he walked into our place he took off all his clothes and placed them in a gym bag; after the sex, he would take a shower and dress by the door. He didn't want her perfume or hairs on his body. He then went to the gym and worked out and showered again before returning to his wife.

We had started out with me just watching, but after a few times, we fell into prolonged threesomes, with him and me taking turns at giving her a long continuous fucking. (She needed about half an hour of steady, hard fucking to cum vaginally.) He made about two to three visits to our bedroom a month for about a half a year or so. It ended when his truly foul wife almost caught us. So that was the end, right? No. He and I had become friends, as we shared many hobbies, asides from fucking my wife. He and I actually got together more often after her sex with him ended.

The second lover-friend resulted from my almost buying a car from him. (I talked him out of selling it, as it was far more valuable than he imagined.) At first, he visited me for car advice and parts; but after my wife gave him a major flashing, he came over to cum in her.

In both friendships, the sex dynamic differed from the typical cuckold setup, as I seemed to play the role of the bull, while the other men seemed more like the cuckold husband. Part of it was due to my being much taller and more buffed, but the big difference was my bigger penis. Apparently, the bigger penis defines the role. (They often apologized for being inadequate in size, which just irked me.) I always thanked them for coating my wife's cervix in their semen, but they could not get how much I enjoyed watching them perform the act with her. Often, when she was not around, they would ask me for pointers on how to sexually please her more. I freely gave tips and suggestions, which include acts that I wished to see, such as their slapping her ass with their hard cocks.

After having experienced wife-sharing with friendship, the sharing based solely on sex felt flatter, still hot, but not close to what it can be.

[curioushubby1965]

Thanks everyone for all the great responses and advice. OHW has such a wonderful, helpful group of people.

I have to admit I am a little surprised (pleasantly so), though I really shouldn't be, that a strong relationship is the choice for so many. I had expected some to shy away from that due concerns of how a strong intimate relationship with another could impact impact the marriage.
But on the flip side, I completely understand how the relationship makes the sex so much better for the wife. I had previously talked to my wife about the same and she agreed. In general, men can make it just about the sex , but women want and need the emotional connection. I know there are plenty of exceptions to the rule, but we are just wired differently
Maybe I am nieve, but I personally dont feel threatend by my wife having an intimate relationship with another man. It would be so much better for her and that excites me. We have been married 31 years and are completely commited to one another. I think it does scare my wife some though, but this is new for her and she is just trying to understand.

A few mentioned friendships with the third, I like that as well and had mentioned it to her but at this time she thinks that dynamic might be kinda wierd for her.

We will see where everything ends up it time. She is still trying to grasp and understand things and I am trying to explain and answer questions as best I can.

[Mr1SexyGILF]

I am bumping this thread because I feel this is great topic

Mr GILF

[Lookingforadventure]

I like having a boyfriend with a romantic connection and friendship that goes beyond just sex. It gives me all the feels, and I love that giddy excitement.

I also have a fwb kind of situation with a guy who is into bdsm. There is no romance, but we can chat about things other than kink. I like that there is a friendship there, it helps build trust for when we play.

I'm not sure I could do completely anonymous sex with a stranger. I'm not judging those who can, I just don't think it is for me.