Cheating wives

[stag80]

It may be a sensitive subject, but I'll take my chances.

Is a cheating wife a HotWife?

Does it turn you on to know she's cheating on you?

Do you prefer to encourage her to fuck other men with you approval, or you enjoy to spy on her, to wait for her at home, knowing she was coming from her lover?

Are there any situations in which although you encouraged her to fuck, she wanted her moment with her lover, without telling you, and you accepted that, because knowing her fucked by another guy is what turns you on, no matter what?

Does it turn you on when you cheat on him/her?

Feel free to add more on this subject.

[Threeisacharm]

When a couple keeps secrets it is over. I edited to add that a cheating scenario can be hot but only if she comes clean and shares details or lets you clean.

[Farmgirl]

No, a cheating wife is not a Hotwife, though she can become a Hotwife. To be a Hotwife, the husband has to be in support. A Hotwife can cheat, but then her cheating is not hotwifing.

[ucaneffher]

A cheating wife is not a hotwife but a cheating wife can definitely turn into a hotwife, just like a hotwife can also become a cheating wife. It all boils down to communication. That's where the fine line lies.

Examples:

1. There can be situations where a wife will cheat on her husband, gets caught, husband either likes it or wife tell him she's going to continue no matter what so the husband accepts and learns to like it (if he didn't already like it).

2. The wife is already a hot wife but manages to go behind the husband's back. In certain situations the husband does not approve of a certain man or the wife is too involved so the husband interferes and this results in the hotwire becoming a cheating wife who goes behind hubby's back.

Many here can relate with both.

[ucaneffher]

No, a cheating wife is not a Hotwife, though she can become a Hotwife. To be a Hotwife, the husband has to be in support. A Hotwife can cheat, but then her cheating is not hotwifing.

Dang, you beat me to it and I failed to read before posting my response. Sorry everyone!

[MMAN1]

In my case she was a cheating wife however with my approval. We started back in college and she talked about a guy that had the hots for her sexy redheaded body. I said go for it. Well that guy ran the other way but got the conversation started. My rule was i needed to know about who she's with and when which worked fine for a while. Then she slipped away one afternoon for some afternoon fun. I waited or her to leave knowing She was visiting parents for the weekend. Watched her shave legs, fix her hair, walk around naked for aboit a half hour, put on sexy panties and a sundress. She confessed about three weeks later as we made love/turned into hot torrid sex. She found out I liked it and she did it both ways, telling before as well as "cheating". She claims it's not cheating if I give her a pass for fun. I s still call her my cheating wife which makes my cock twitch to this day.

[stag80]

When a couple keeps secrets it is over. I edited to add that a cheating scenario can be hot but only if she comes clean and shares details or lets you clean.

True, in the same time, if she keeps cheating on you and you just don't get it, you have a big problem. I mean, you have to know and accept if you enjoy it, encourage her and turn her into a hotwife, as the others said, or just don't accept it, stop her, whatever, and continue your life with her or not. But at some point you have to know, even if there are secrets, even if the communication sucks etc.

[stag80]

No, a cheating wife is not a Hotwife, though she can become a Hotwife. To be a Hotwife, the husband has to be in support. A Hotwife can cheat, but then her cheating is not hotwifing.

And can be cheating a turn on? For any of them involved?

[Suchagoodgirl]

When a couple keeps secrets it is over. I edited to add that a cheating scenario can be hot but only if she comes clean and shares details or lets you clean.

True, in the same time, if she keeps cheating on you and you just don't get it, you have a big problem. I mean, you have to know and accept if you enjoy it, encourage her and turn her into a hotwife, as the others said, or just don't accept it, stop her, whatever, and continue your life with her or not. But at some point you have to know, even if there are secrets, even if the communication sucks etc.

You don't turn a woman into a hotwife. You can suggest it. You can talk about it. A woman can try being a hotwife. She will either like it or she won't. And she may become a hotwife or she won't. And maybe it's a role she enjoys and was meant to be. But no guy ever turned a woman into a hotwife.

Cheating has no place in my relationship. Honesty is the most important thing in my marriage and it goes both ways. I guess some guys get turned on by the thought but it sounds like a nightmare to me. If I ask my wife a direct question I expect an honest answer. And I always do my best to give her an honest answer. I suppose we all lie. But the idea that someone would want their wife to lie to them is very strange to me indeed.

[Peaks23]

For me, cheating isn't just the act of sex.

Cheating is lying, hiding things, deleting text conversations and her doing things that she won't tell you about. Even if you both have entered the lifestyle and have had successful experiences, as soon as the above starts, I see it as cheating. It creates mistrust and that's a bad cocktail.

Openness is key.

And no, for me, actual real cheating is not a turn on, it's an absolute deal breaker.

[Her number1]

For me, cheating isn't just the act of sex.

Cheating is lying, hiding things, deleting text conversations and her doing things that she won't tell you about. Even if you both have entered the lifestyle and have had successful experiences, as soon as the above starts, I see it as cheating. It creates mistrust and that's a bad cocktail.

Openness is key.

And no, for me, actual real cheating is not a turn on, it's an absolute deal breaker.

I agree.
Hiding is deceit. Deceit is lying. Lying is cheating.

[SRKnight]

I had encourage my wife to be a HW and told her about my previous HWs but she was hesitant. Then an old boyfriend that came to town about every 3 months on business contacted her. She met him at his hotel. After a couple of meetings I was encouraging the HW lifestyle and she told me about cheating with him and showed me FB messages with him.

So cheating wife became HW.

[HotwifeBabs]

My journey started with cheating on my husband when we were dating. I regret it and wish it never happened, but the truth is I had just gotten out of a bad marriage and wasn't ready to be monogamous. I hurt him and almost lost him but we worked through it and now have a great marriage.

[SSQ]

It may be a sensitive subject, but I'll take my chances.

Is a cheating wife a HotWife?

Does it turn you on to know she's cheating on you?

Do you prefer to encourage her to fuck other men with you approval, or you enjoy to spy on her, to wait for her at home, knowing she was coming from her lover?

Are there any situations in which although you encouraged her to fuck, she wanted her moment with her lover, without telling you, and you accepted that, because knowing her fucked by another guy is what turns you on, no matter what?

Does it turn you on when you cheat on him/her?

Feel free to add more on this subject.

Cheating is cheating, period. Unless you have negotiated in advance to have a "cheating" kink where extramarital relationships are allowed and undiscussed, then it's a violation of relationship agreements. It is NOT hotwifing, which is consensual nonmonogamy.

I have a very low opinion of cheating. If you can't be honest with your partner, then they're not the right partner. Or you're not the right partner and have some personal growth to do. All the excuses I've ever heard for cheating basically just don't want to give up the life they've got but also want sex on the side. Guess what? Sometimes we don't have great choices, but we get to decide what kind of person we want to be.

[Farmgirl]

And can be cheating a turn on? For any of them involved?

Of course, the cheater is usually turned on, but the other partner is usually devastated. Sometimes the other partner can erotize the cheating to the extent that it becomes a turn-on.

Are you looking for such an erotization?

[Gulfcpl]

In my opinion the cheater is not a hotwife but in the strictest sense, the husband is a cuckold. By definition, a cuckold is the husband of an adulterous wife.

[BT2]

I agree with the other posts. A cheating wife is not a hotwife. A cheating wife is an adulteress. Hotwife activities are supposed to be shared between spouses. Personally, I can't understand a husband who gets a turn on from discovering or knowing his wife is cheating, but frankly there are a number of things to do with some activities I've read on here which I've not understood. But, as they say, to each his own.

[Tank Turner]

When a couple keeps secrets it is over.

^^^Excellent reply^^^

Cheating destroys trust. Without trust, there is no relationship, only an association.

After we fell in love with each other, the woman who's now my wife and I agreed that we'd always be honest and truthful with each other. We've always been able to talk about sex without fear of judgment.

My wife has always told me of her intentions before she's acted on her hyper-active libido. I hold a veto. She has always made sure that I was good with her intended entertainment before asking him to return to our home with us.

[stag80]

And can be cheating a turn on? For any of them involved?

Of course, the cheater is usually turned on, but the other partner is usually devastated. Sometimes the other partner can erotize the cheating to the extent that it becomes a turn-on.

Are you looking for such an erotization?

No, not looking for, but living it. And trying to understand why this wife is so turned on while I'm fucking her in their bed, she enjoys blowing me hours or minutes before he's coming home, then she kisses him with the taste of my cum in her mouth, they fuck, she acts like nothing happened. At least he doesn't realize it, but she has orgasms she didn't have until she started to cheat on him. And there wasn't only one case like this.

For my part, I want to know. She knows she has my approval. If something happens at some event/party, she will text me, or tell me at home, if it's something more serious, and she likes to play, probably she will tell me when she decides to fuck that guy, or maybe after. In any situation, the game, the way she asks me if she can do it, the mind fuck is crazy for both of us.

[stag80]

My journey started with cheating on my husband when we were dating. I regret it and wish it never happened, but the truth is I had just gotten out of a bad marriage and wasn't ready to be monogamous. I hurt him and almost lost him but we worked through it and now have a great marriage.

And how did you become a HotWife? I would like to read your story.

[KBZ69]

I lovebthe idea of her cheating on me and have told her so . Basically nothing changes but if prefers not to tell me about meeting some one in advance then she admits it down the line and she can tell me as little or as much as she likes !

[Gulfcpl]

A cheating wife is not a hotwife, but according to Webster, the husband of a cheating is a cuckold. Webster defines a cuckold as the husband of an unfaithful wife. I’m not stating my opinion of a cuckold, only saying what the dicksionary says (intentional misspelling).

[Dwightdalwood]

Cuckold. Hotwife. Same vice. Boner inducing wife behavior

[Parsifal]

Hotwifing is a big enough tent to include some cheating scenarios, but these tend to be outliers.

The most common, a few even posting in this very thread, are those in which a cheating wife came clean about an act of infidelity, and the husband, though hurt by her deceitful ways, experienced compersive arousal from it as part of the process of healing. In this scenario, the couple reconciles, renegotiates the "Forsaking All Others" clause of their vows, and ideally reestablish the the marriage pact on the basis of the wife’s open and honest non-exclusivity.

There are other wives who cheat even as hotwives. Some people are Don Draper types who really can't integrate their diverse personas. Their alter egos are separate, living beings that need their own separate lives no matter whom they're married to. These are the chronic liars and cheaters. Often they need to lie to enjoy sex to the fullest.

I occasionally read OHW posts describing wives with split personalities that spin off not only a hotwife persona but also a secondary cheating wife persona that still looks to cheat independently of the agreed-upon hotwifing arrangement with her husband. These secondary personas can be stable or not, depending on lots of factors that could fill a book.

Then there are the husbands, a few also featured in this thread, who are turned on by cheating women to the point of sending sublimal signals to their women to "go for it" if the wife feels the need that kind of thrill. The truth is, both of them need the thrill but choose not to make it too open with each other, because too much openness tends to undermine the excitement they're looking for in their marriage. These are the "don't ask, don't tell" couples. Both partners effectively consent to her wantonness. Does this kind of arrangement fit within Farmgirl's definition of hotwife, the woman who's open with her man and never deceitful? That's debatable, because on one hand she is cheating, but on the other the couple have agreed she can be a cheating wife.

My wife and I found Esther Perel's book on affairs so enlightening that we structured a few games around what we thought were the best aspects of infidelity and yet preserved the fundamental honesty in our marriage which we think, like Farmgirl and many others here, to be essential. In such an affair game, the goal is for us to simulate the experience of an affair by [allowing] her to [cheat] for a set period of time and within a context agreed upon in advance by us. I put the key concepts in brackets because the whole experience is a compartment we set up within our marriage, which for us is existential. One can say that when I allow her to deceive me, she isn't deceiving me when she [lies] to me about her whereabouts.

So what need does this kind of game satisfy? Freud wrote insightfully about how some people are capable of libidinizing their fears to make them acceptable and even pleasant. Is there some of that going on in compersion for some men? Does the fear of abandonment by a straying wife feel less terrifying for the l man who can libidinize that fear and replace it with a sense of arousal by his own wife as a cheating wife? Hence, the [cheating] wife. And for the wife’s part, does she need to experience sex as naughty to feel free of a punitive superego?

For Gala and me, these currents of feeling could be explored through the affair games we set up, and we grew a lot from those adventures. So yes, a hotwife can also be a cheating wife, but some cheating is or can be destructive, although certainly some [cheating] is not

[trecital]

There doesn't seem to be much room here for forgiveness. Yes, sometimes people cheat. But when one of the partners finds out, why does it all need to be over?
My wife and I both cheated, sexually, on each other. Me first, and her later.
I'd rather that we'd been honest with each other. But maybe we just weren't mature enough to have that level of communication, at that age.
When things finally came out into the open, yes, it was a little difficult at first. But I was willing to forgive her, straight away, because I knew she still loved me, and I loved her.
Our cheating was more about wanting to try other experiences, other people. It wasn't motivated by a desire to replace each other.
That forgiveness changed our lives for the better.

It depends on the motivation for cheating, not on the cheating per se.

As regards the op's original question......I see no reason why a cheating wife can't be considered 'hot'. And if she's 'hot' and a wife, she's a hot wife.
I agree that she might not fit what people here would generally consider as a 'Hotwife'. But, it takes all sorts, and if getting off on your wife's cheating is your 'kink', then fine.