Something really strange

[McRex]

"something as simple as a gym membership" is not that simple.
Fitness is not the point of difficulty, I don’t know how it is in other countries, but here these are well-known places exclusively for dating. If she wanted to strengthen her stomach or legs, then we have everything necessary at home, mats, hoops, presses, weights and various sports equipment for workouts whose names I don’t even know. And an elite fitness room is a place for dating and where a girl shows off her body and looks at a man’s body. Some of my friends met in the gym and got married. Therefore, for Julia it is extremely important to demonstrate her body and perhaps better get to know the bodies of those with whom she works. And she works out for health with weights and stretches at home.

Now she believes that I am trying to talk to her and ask questions because I suspect her of something. So for the rest of the year, I decided not to ask anything at all and not to raise topics that were strange to her. Openness in relationships is wonderful, but this pattern does not apply to everyone on the planet. It does not apply to my wife, for more than 10 years of marriage and 15 years of dating, I accepted this as a fact and she herself told me this a thousand times.

[McRex]

Last weekend Julia decided to go to the mall and buy new clothes and shoes for the gym. Upon returning home, she even dressed in what she bought to show me. I managed to take a couple of photos, I will attach them in a parallel thread. The only thing that confused me was whether she knew how her ass looked like in her new clothes. I remained silent and didn’t ask anything, considering that she went to choose clothes herself, which means she saw what she was buying when she tried it on, or maybe she didn’t notice, or maybe it was just me who noticed and in fact there is absolutely nothing remarkable about it.

P.S.: fotos uploaded here:
viewtopic.php?f=9&t=72058&p=1469109

[McRex]

Yesterday she had her first visit to the gym. And several strange things happened at once. She did not go to the fitness next to work, but went to the one that is much further away. There are 5 different fitness establishments in our area, she chose the fourth one that is the most distant. In the evening, when she returned, she was simply glowing with joy (which is not clear to me why), she talked about the visit very enthusiastically, she clearly really liked it. But when she told the story, she mostly spoke as if she was completely alone in the gym, in the middle of the conversation she mentioned that she quite by chance saw one of her work colleagues in the hall, and by the end of her story she let it slip that there were actually three colleagues, and they were next to her all the time, like “three personal trainers.” Which she mentioned at the end of the conversation, after which she didn’t say anything else, and I didn’t ask anything. But it was nice to see her so joyful and cheerful from a regular activity in the gym.

[churry]

Did she wear the new outfit?

Did she wear the same underwear than on the photos with vpl. or maybe something different like no bra, a thong,...?

[McRex]

Did she wear the new outfit?

Did she wear the same underwear than on the photos with vpl. or maybe something different like no bra, a thong,...?

She bought everything specifically for visiting the gym and wore everything exactly as in the photo with same underwear. But at home she just stood and do nothing, but in the gym she needs to run and bend over and do a lot of movements. I myself am interested in how she looks in her outfit in the company of three men who show her how to do exercises and exercise equipment correctly. But maybe I’m just having a wild imagination after her story about fitness yesterday. And the most important thing from her words is that she really liked it yesterday

[Gulfcpl]

An empty gym right after work hours and then, by chance, three of her coworkers were there. Makes perfect sense to me.

[McRex]

In fact, the gym was not empty and I’m sure that she was leaving work with them, she just probably didn’t want me to know this fact, but at the end of the story she let it slip about them.

[Gulfcpl]

I know you have explained it before but it’s so sad that there are such trust issues in your marriage. I wish for your sake it would change.

[McRex]

I have a question: is it normal for a married woman to want attention from a work colleague who is older than her and is married with children. All my life I believed that married women do not even look in the direction of such men. How is this even possible? Shouldn't all this put them off?

[AZPainter]

I believe that most women do want the attention of male co-workers, even married and older. Your wife is a beauty and is no exception to this even if she denies it or is very subtle in how she gets their attention. I see this in every thing you have said. Married women are not that much different than men when it comes to seeing attractive (whatever it is that is attractive to individual women) men, any place. Co-workers, in public everyday life or social gatherings. Whether they say or do anything about it is another thing. Note, I said most women. I am not saying all women, there are exceptions of course, but as a heterosexual, young, attractive female, your wife is no different, and especially being a strong woman as she really appears to be based on what you have told us.

You mentioned a wife who is cheating will work hard to hid the fact she is cheating. Let me ask you this. What better way to hide cheating than acting perfectly normal around her husband or significant other? I sincerely mean this in the most positive way. You need to wake up and smell the coffee, as the saying goes. She appears very much to be the alpha in your marriage and in your own words does what she wants and you can't tell her differently. You both really need to work on your communication skills. That has been said a number of times here and by a number of different people. Most of us have been through this and recognize all the signs she is giving off, though acting normal and you have suspicions. An open, honest dialog is what you both need to figure out how to get to that open honest communication. You both will be much happier.

I am not a therapist of any sort, but I lived this life and have known may others that have as well. I hope you both learn communication is the way to happiness and the lack you now have only leads to a lot of painful worry and emotional upset and distrust of each other. None of that is good.

[Dream Weaver]

I have a question: is it normal for a married woman to want attention from a work colleague who is older than her and is married with children. All my life I believed that married women do not even look in the direction of such men. How is this even possible? Shouldn't all this put them off?

I'll be honest, I'm surprised by the question. It's easy to think our "moral" side will win out, but it's called temptation for a reason.

Married people fall for married people all the time. It's biology, the hormones kick in, the basic part of our brain that wants to reproduce does it's thing.

Some shut it down immediately based on their personal code of honor. Some keep it light and flirty, without crossing major lines. Some cross the line. But the desire for attention isn't some sin. It's an emotion.

[McRex]

Could this cause problems at work? Does anyone have a wife who is already having sex with a work colleague? Is this a common thing? Is there a woman here who does this and could give some advice? I worry about Julia and what to do if suddenly events develop successfully this year.

[leggysman]

People usually say don't.

But I reckon you should relax about her work, and let her use her judgement about that, if indeed there's anything happening - or going to happen - there.

The part that you can do, is working on better mutual understanding, and forthrightly discussing whether your wife is having (or planning to have) sex with others, at work or anywhere else! And feeling able to trust her answers.

[MichaelW]

Pluto was discovered when it was noticed that at a certain time, Uranus was moved out of its circle by the gravitational pull of something unseen. They knew something was there but they could not prove it at first. In long-term relationships, I think when one spouse gets a disturbance in the force that something is not right--then it often turns out that something was not right. Spouses seem to go through a long period of denial before going into the suspicion/confirmation stage.

If a hotwife is your desire, but a cheating wife is not, like others have said here, communication is the key. Rather than worry yourself to sickness about what might be happening it is time for a sit-down, perhaps with a good professional counselor, and some honest communication in both directions.

[McRex]

Hotwife is my desire for a really long time, but if she chooses to be cheating wife I will support her choice, I want to be a good husband and a reliable support for her, regardless of the circumstances.

P.S.: Today she will go to the gym again

[leggysman]

I - and I'm sure most readers here - all have the same kink, and understand how strong it can feel. Like you'd give almost anything. Fantasizing about it every single day ... it's intense.

It's your marriage, but I don't think you should put the kink before the relationship. Cheating is dishonesty, sneakiness, selfishness, and betrayal. I don't think you should be OK with that.

If (big if!) she wants to play with others, it should be based on mutual understanding that she wants to, and you want her to, and that it's something you choose together, and there should be no secrets. And if it happens, she should consider your needs and wants as well. It's a team sport.

[Pecannut]

I think colleagues are quite natural choice in case she would prefer knowing her potential parter in crime.

Wish you all the best and thank you for sharing your experience with us!

[superb101]

How was her trip to the gym yesterday? Any new developments?

[McRex]

How was her trip to the gym yesterday? Any new developments?

She goes on Monday, Wednesday and Friday, and from her stories I understood that her co-workers go on these same days. Apart from the fact that they force her to exercise on machines where she has to constantly bend over, move and spread her legs, nothing new happens.

[jadedbutcurious]

McRex,

SMACK! WAKE UP! RED ALERT!

You are allowing your love to blind you to the cold hard truth. You have her high on a pedestal. She knows it. She is now disrespecting you in the ultimate way.
You really need to spend some time on Reddits cheating forums and read read read.
She is cheating on you. If you are ok with cheating that means you are ok with lying and mistrust.
NO marriage survives mistrust. No marriage survives cheating. Those marriages that do reconcile are still forever changed.
1. Changes in sexual behaviour with your spouse is the number one sign that something is going on. YOU said she was previously physically participatory and vocal. NOW she is not. RED FLAG Most people see a decrease in activity sometimes winding down to a complete halt.
2. Change of attire or appearance and grooming. Her now wearing a dress she previously would not wear. RED FLAG
3. Being secretive with her phone. RED FLAG
4. Together 15 years, she knows you. You have been discussing hotwife off and on for many years. She KNOWS you would not be jealous. Why the question about you getting jealous? It was her backhanded way of asking permission to cheat or open marriage. RED FLAG
5. Discouraging you to attend a company party that spouses are invited to. RED FLAG
6. YOU started this post about a year ago. ALL these changes you describe started around the time that a new co-worker started A YEAR AGO. <<<<<<<RED FLAG>>>>>>>
7. Something is bothering her but she just won't talk about it for a couple of days is one thing. Hiding something bothering her for WEEKS, MONTHS, A YEAR is something entirely different. <<<<<<<RED FLAG>>>>>>>
You need to take off work on one of her gym days. Borrow a buddies car that she would not know and follow her. You need to get pictures and video. If you can't do that, then you need to hire a Private Investigator to get that evidence for you. Once you have the evidence that cannot be dismissed or gaslighted away, then you can decide how to handle it for what YOU want. She is still deep in the affair fog.
It is going to take HARD INTERVENTION to shake her out of it. EVEN if it means drawing up divorce papers that you might not follow through with.
If you want to stay married then she has to attend counseling with you. If she won't do that then your marriage is over. WHO else is the new co-worker sleeping with that she doesn't know about. Is that person really practicing safe sex? She gets infected with something and brings it to you. It is gonna take you getting a burning in your dick from an STD to wake you up?!?!?
I hate being harsh like this. At this point, you need it. If the PI finds out she has been having sex with the new co-worker, then you need to stop having sex with her and go get an STD panel done.

Good Luck to you.

jadedbutcurious

[McRex]

I have a wonderful wife, and knowing her, she wouldn’t be able to hide the pig in a poke for more than a couple of days. I am more than sure that she likes someone, but I don’t know who exactly and for what reason. Everything that happens is concentrated only on what’s in her head; she apparently isn’t taking any real action yet. Therefore, at this stage, everything she thinks about and wants still remains only in her thoughts.

Thank you for taking the time to analyze the entire situation I described.

[MonaLisaOverdrive]

McRex,

SMACK! WAKE UP! RED ALERT!

You are allowing your love to blind you to the cold hard truth. You have her high on a pedestal. She knows it. She is now disrespecting you in the ultimate way.
You really need to spend some time on Reddits cheating forums and read read read.
She is cheating on you. If you are ok with cheating that means you are ok with lying and mistrust.
NO marriage survives mistrust. No marriage survives cheating. Those marriages that do reconcile are still forever changed.
1. Changes in sexual behaviour with your spouse is the number one sign that something is going on. YOU said she was previously physically participatory and vocal. NOW she is not. RED FLAG Most people see a decrease in activity sometimes winding down to a complete halt.
2. Change of attire or appearance and grooming. Her now wearing a dress she previously would not wear. RED FLAG
3. Being secretive with her phone. RED FLAG
4. Together 15 years, she knows you. You have been discussing hotwife off and on for many years. She KNOWS you would not be jealous. Why the question about you getting jealous? It was her backhanded way of asking permission to cheat or open marriage. RED FLAG
5. Discouraging you to attend a company party that spouses are invited to. RED FLAG
6. YOU started this post about a year ago. ALL these changes you describe started around the time that a new co-worker started A YEAR AGO. <<<<<<<RED FLAG>>>>>>>
7. Something is bothering her but she just won't talk about it for a couple of days is one thing. Hiding something bothering her for WEEKS, MONTHS, A YEAR is something entirely different. <<<<<<<RED FLAG>>>>>>>
You need to take off work on one of her gym days. Borrow a buddies car that she would not know and follow her. You need to get pictures and video. If you can't do that, then you need to hire a Private Investigator to get that evidence for you. Once you have the evidence that cannot be dismissed or gaslighted away, then you can decide how to handle it for what YOU want. She is still deep in the affair fog.
It is going to take HARD INTERVENTION to shake her out of it. EVEN if it means drawing up divorce papers that you might not follow through with.
If you want to stay married then she has to attend counseling with you. If she won't do that then your marriage is over. WHO else is the new co-worker sleeping with that she doesn't know about. Is that person really practicing safe sex? She gets infected with something and brings it to you. It is gonna take you getting a burning in your dick from an STD to wake you up?!?!?
I hate being harsh like this. At this point, you need it. If the PI finds out she has been having sex with the new co-worker, then you need to stop having sex with her and go get an STD panel done.

Good Luck to you.

jadedbutcurious

Damn, it seems that Reddit r/survivinginfidelity is leaking.

I think that your post, while well intentioned, is probably not helpful to our OP. A lot of the actions you're encouraging him to take are way too aggressive and could be solved through communication. Also, "No marriage survives cheating" is just plain wrong. Plenty of people on this forum have been cheated on a repaired their marriages, even coming out stronger than before.

Getting divorce papers drawn up? Hiring a PI? Really? If there was anything that was going to blow this marriage up, those would be two reason right there.

Trust that OP knows his wife and relationship a lot better than you do from the few details he has kindly shared with us. But I think you should take a chill pill and not just regurgitate uphelpful blanket suggestions from Reddit of all places.

[McRex]

Thanks for the kind words

[McRex]

March has already arrived, but no changes or strange things have happened. Sex was reduced to once a month in the same style as before: for minute I am inside her in a missionary position while she lies silently with her eyes closed. Then she masturbates on her own. We talked about this topic and, from her words, this is the best option for her to have sex with me. And when I asked if once a month was enough for her, she replied that she masturbates in a hot shower every day when she gets home from work, and once a month with me is enough for her. I don’t seem to feel any discomfort in this situation, and since she likes it so much, then so do I.

[Pufferfish]

If you're happy with how things are going, then good.
But... having sex once a month with her husband, with no passion and with her eyes closed, while at the same time having a high sex drive in regards to masturbation, in particular after spending time with co-workers, doesn't exactly scream "no problem here."

It seems more like she's trying to separate her sex/fun/passion and her marriage into 2 separate categories. Which is pretty much the exact opposite of a hotwife scenario.