*My wife at this very moment is at another man's house for the night. Details at 11.*
After reading this, please let me know if I should end posting in here and instead create a new thread in the Polyamory channel. We are basically strattling between the two and will eventually be polyamorous.
Before I start though, I had to have the mods remove my wife's photos in the hotties section due to potential doxxing by a member (this happened IRL and not on the website).
To update/summarize from my last playtime update until now:
- We were going to persue a MFM (that I watch and not participate). We posted on the commonly used "bulletin board" website. There were some candidates, but some dumbass ruined it by sending her a bunch of porn basically showing my wife how hard he would do her. Total turn off. My wife wants one-on-one and not what he shared. Kind of killed the mood. She knows there are different styles of MFM and when the time comes we will be a lot more specific with what we are seeking.
- We met up with a guy who was going to be her first BBC. That also didn't pan out. He was really nervous due to us immediately realizing he used very old photos in his profile once we met him in person at a restaurant. Also, it's kind of funny seeing the reactions of these "dominant" guys when they realize how feisty and assertive my wife is.
- One guy just basically had a poker face on the whole time. He finally cracked a smile and laughed a little when they looked up at me while they were going at it, and I did a little waive and a "how's it goin?" (Reminiscent of the cockroach/stripper scene in the Beetlejuice movie). My wife laughed her ass off as she was being taken doggy style at that moment.
- She has been with five guys (I think, there may be one additional who I have forgotten about) and three of those guys she has been with at least twice.
*Issues*
- I have become bored lmfao. I have become a bit tired of the routine. I am straight and have grown tired of having naked men and their bunghole a few feet from me lmfao. I mean, my wife is very tiny, and when they are on top of her, she disappears. So I am just sitting there staring at a naked hairy dude and his nutsack. I have found myself cataloguing the different skin tones of the various nutsacks I have had to stare at. That's when I realized I am getting too bored lol
While I am a voyeur, I do not want my apparent boredom to affect her fun or cause a weird vibe. I have also realized that I personally will not vibe with some of these guys. There is one dude I really like. He is friendly as hell. I mean he gave me a hug when we met him. Lol. You can win me over with almost anything by giving me a hug. What guy doesn't like a hug?
So I am basically going attend and watch once in a while when it's with a guy I also like, or if it is in a new scenario fulfilling one of our fantasies such as MFM or if she meets someone to be her first BBC.
The rest she will meet alone. This is where imo the Hotwife thing is transitioning into polyamory.
*Polyamory*
Of all these men, only one guy has elicited a change from NRE to Limerance. We are 40, and he is 52 and lives a couple of hours away. He is the only one who demonstrates a personality that is interesting enough to hold her interest for extensive periods of time.
A week ago the three of us got an Airbnb. They 'slept' in one room together while I was in another. For some reason I just didn't like it. I couldn't relax or enjoy myself. I was filled with angst. Or awkwardness. Who knows. I just didn't like it at all. The next morning when we made our two hour drive home we had some very serious conversations.
We both basically came to the conclusion that we have been missing out on a lot these 23 years. We have been with each other since we were 16. We were flirting with the idea of being swingers, however with our schedules, my work and traveling related to it, our kids school and school schedule, etc. It is too complicated to do many occasions of us meeting and getting to know a couple.
Instead, we are going to focus on growing our own experiences. We are setting our kids and their safety as our foundation for setting boundaries and making decisions. She doesn't want to sleep with a bunch of men. She instead wants someone she sees as a FWB and a couple of booty calls that are just fun to fuck.
I myself am also free to pursue the same. However I am going through some personal growth and will not pursue a playmate until I have worked through some shit (unless it occurs organically). I am in therapy to try and help myself develop more self-love. I have never enjoyed my own company and that is not a way to live. I am also focusing my time working out, losing weight, and getting healthier. I am too out of shape for my age and need to be in better shape to be able to play with my kids. As well as be able to feel confident meeting other women.
*Tonight*
She is with her FWB all night tonight. Two hours away. We set up life360 for this, she shared his address and phone number. This is the same guy we shared an Airbnb with last week.
The comparison of myself from last week is night and day. I have zero angst or anything. I've just been having fun hanging out with my kids.
I know she is getting fucked hopefully having a blast. I told her it is a huge turn on when other people do things to her that I never have or couldn't bring myself to do (BDSM related stuff). She likes some intense things lol.
There is a gorgeous woman in her 20s who is married that would like to meet up with me. They are a swinger couple. I'm kind of waiting to see if my wife would like to have us meet up with them. Not together though. We would split off to go on solo dates.
However it is possible that it would just be me meeting them, fucking the Hotwife while her husband watches. How fucking ironic isn't it? What the fuck episode of the Twilight Zone did my ass fall into? Lmfao
Anyway I am just really nervous. My wife was able to just dive right into this lifestyle. I can barely dip my toe in. I'm anxious and worried about confidence and all that. It's all mind games. When I am in the moment my introversion and anxiety go away and I'm perfectly fine.
So anyway, that is where we are at. Thanks for reading and replying!
